T-Mobile Representative (10:16)

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Shopify Representative (10:28)

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Rob Dial (10:47)

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Shopify.com dial and now back to the show. Let's say that you're in a, you know, know a toxic relationship. The temporary reward. You know the relationship isn't healthy but you stay in it because it gives you some form of temporary comfort or familiarity or attention even if that attention is negative and so that's a temporary reward. The long term harm is that you reinforce this fear of being alone, which makes it harder for you to walk away, even if you know that you deserve better. And so your brain associates familiarity with safety, even if that safety feeling is a toxic person. And so you got to recognize that your discomfort is not a sign that you should go back to that person. It's your brain's way of grasping and trying to hold on to old patterns. So you've got to stay in no contact long enough. And eventually, if you do that, the emotional pull is going to start to fade. And then, like the last example is quitting addictions or quitting really bad habits. You cut sugar or alcohol or toxic relationships in some sort of way, suddenly those cravings are all going to just be really, really strong. The emotional pull is going to pull you way stronger. And you think to yourself, like, maybe I should just give in, right? Like, I'm trying to change, but this isn't working because I want to go back to this old thing so much. But the fact that it's getting so hard, and I want you to remember this, like, get this in your bones. The fact that it's so hard is a sign that the change is starting to work. You know, if you look at this, it's withdrawal symptoms of somebody who is an addict. And most addiction recovery, the withdrawal symptoms usually spike before they fade. And so your brain fights to restore old dopamine patterns before it learns to regulate itself without whatever this addiction or thing that was your bad habit make sense. And so you've got to figure out some sort of way to push through whenever you feel like going back to bad habits. You know, most people, it starts to get really hard. And so they think to themselves, this is too hard. I must be doing something wrong. You know what, I'm just going to quit. And they quit. Whenever they feel the extinction burst come in. They think something like, if this was working, it wouldn't feel this hard. Have you ever thought that to yourself, like, if this was worth it, it wouldn't be so hard? If I was changing, I would have gotten results by now. But you have to understand, all of that is a trap. It's your old conditioning trying to get you to quit changing. It's trying to get you to go back to what you used to do. And so you've got to remind yourself about this. Like, this is the exact reason what we're talking about today is the reason why the phrase old habits die hard exists. This habit is trying really, really hard not to die. And it is its last ditch effort. And so you've got to be able to be like, nope, I'm going to fight through no matter what. Because the good news about this is if you keep going in the direction that you want, eventually the old behavior will fade. I promise you this, it won't fade as fast as you want. Everybody always wants everything to happen faster than it's going to happen. But if you just don't stop, eventually the old behavior will fade. And so let's talk about real quick how to get through an extinction burst. Right when you're starting to change, there's a couple different steps. The first thing, when you're starting to change yourself, you need to just expect that you're gonna have this extinction burst. When you know that you're needing to change and you know that it's gonna be coming up, when it comes up, it kind of loses its power. Because if suddenly things get worse, you just remind yourself, you're just like, ah, here it is. That one podcaster told me about it. This is my brain throwing its fit, which is actually a good thing because this means I'm really close to change. So I've got to just keep pushing through. So that's the first thing. Just expect it. It's not going to be easy to change any habit ever, especially if you've been doing it for a really long time. The second thing, you just got to start riding the wave. Don't judge yourself for this really deep urge to go back to old ways. Just observe it. Because if you just observe it, it will eventually pass without you acting on it most of the time though. What I found with coaching people over years and years and years now is that when we have an old habit start to rear its ugly head back in, a lot of people will beat themselves up, they will guilt themselves, they will shame themselves, they will start talking trash to themselves. Don't just ride the wave, just observe it and then just let it pass without acting on it. Breathe through it. Give yourself some time. It's going to be uncomfortable in your body. You might feel stress, anxiety. You might feel sadness, anger. You're going to feel something in your body. It's a last ditch effort. Just breathe through it. Eventually it's going to pass. Or if you want, I don't recommend this necessarily, but you can try it. If it gets really bad, just go do something else. I don't want you to distract yourself with something from, to try to like not feel feelings. I think it's important to feel feelings and to breathe through it and to work through it. But if it gets to the point where it's just so intense, just keep yourself busy doing something else. Okay? So that's the second thing is to ride the wave. The third thing is you have to stay the course. Whatever you are changing, whatever you're working down, when you feel that come in and you want to give up, that is the moment where you need to double down on your commitment. So if you do this, you keep reinforcing the new behavior versus the old behavior. I'm going to focus on this new behavior, this new habit that I'm trying to rewire myself because it is so important. And I'm reminding myself of if I create this habit, what my life is going to be like and how my life is going to change. I don't want to stay the same, so I've got to get rid of this habit. I want change because I see what my future could look like. You have to understand this. Here's a secret to it. You cannot lose if you just don't stop. It's the truth. It's the truth in most things in life, most people just give up. So if you just don't give up, you're usually going to lose. But in this case, if you just don't give up on changing your old bad habits, eventually you will win. So number four that goes along with that is make it hard to go back to your old self. If your extinction bursts is making you crave distractions, whatever those distractions are, for instance, remove all of the easy access around you. So if you feel like, hey, I really need to get away from this app, maybe I really need to get away from TikTok, spending way too much time on it instead of going, oh, my gosh, I'm going to, you know, put my phone away. And then you find yourself in your phone 10 minutes later. Delete the app. Like, stop screwing around. Just delete the app already. You know, throw out the junk food. If you're trying to lose weight, if you have a toxic ex and you keep going back to them, you keep, oh, my gosh, I have these emotions. I want to go back to them. Just block them. Whatever you can do to make going back to old patterns that you have really hard. So, like, just remove the easy access, make it hard to go back. And then number five, which is a very important part of this, is I want you to start celebrating your progress more. The fact that you're even experiencing extinction burst means that you have interrupted an old pattern. That's a win, damn it. And it shows that you're on the right path. And so you've got to celebrate this. Don't be an asshole to yourself because you feel like you want to go back to this. You feel anxious about it, not like you should celebrate it. Oh, my gosh. I'm feeling really anxious because of the fact that I'm not doing this old habit. But that's a good thing because I'm experiencing this extinction burst, which is showing me that I have interrupted an old pattern. This is exactly what I want to do. I am on the right path. Let's double down, right? And so if you're on this journey of self development, I want you to understand this. You will have moments where your old self fights back, and it's going to keep rearing its ugly head over and over and over again. And sometimes I'm just going to be very transparent with you. It's going to be very, very hard. But here's the truth to it. It's not a sign that you're failing. It's a sign that you're rewiring yourself. So it's not proof to you that the change isn't working. It's actually your proof more than anything else that the change is working. You've just got to keep pushing ahead. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me obdial jr r o b D I A L J R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So if you would share this, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. So we can impact more people's lives and it's just a way of you being able to pay it forward. And once again, if you want to get my inspirational text messages in the United States or Canada, text me right now. 512-580-9305 once again, 512-580-9305 and with that, I'm going to leave the same way leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.