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The Monocle Daily
Russia’s invasion of Ukraine dominates agenda at the Helsinki+50 Conference. Plus: ‘Salute’ to National Spritz Day
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A
You're listening to the Monocle Daily, first broadcast on 1 August 2025 on Monocle Radio.
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B
US President Donald Trump ponders further necessary and tasteful refurbishments to the White House humankind's acceleration into incivility from Seoul to San Francisco. And it's National Spritz Day. So there's that. I'm Andrew Muller. The Monocle Daily starts. Hello and welcome to the Monocle Daily, coming to you from our studios here at Midori House in London. I'm Andrew Muller. My guests Laura Kramer and Anita Riota will discuss the day's big stories and National Spritz Day, which is obviously a big story. Plus, we'll hear from Chris Chermak at the Helsinki 50 conference and bring you our weekly wrap up of what we've learned. Stay tuned. All that and more coming up right here on the Monocle Daily. Foreign this is the Monocle Daily. I'm Andrew Muller. We begin in Finland where the capital Helsinki yesterday saw a gathering of European foreign ministers at the Helsinki Plus 50 conference to commemorate a summit five decades earlier attended by US President Gerald Ford and Soviet General Secretary Leonard Brezhnev to agree on a series of principles to enhance European security. Now, however, the inevitable focus is on Russia's violation of those original Helsinki principles through its invasion of Ukraine. Monocle senior news editor Chris Chermak was there and spoke with Oleksandra Matvechuk, head of the Ukrainian NGOs center for Civil Liberties, which won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2022. They began by discussing the Ukrainian parliament's recent decision on Thursday to recommit to the independence of its anti corruption agencies.
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C
The war is a poison. The war is a poison for democracy because the war has its own logic. The logic of the war dictates centralization. The logic of democratization dictates that centralization. The logic of the war dictates limitation of human rights and freedoms due to security requirements. The logic of democratization dictates that you have to expand the space for human rights freedoms. So we are stuck between these two logics and these two logics are totally opposite and we have to balance between them because we have to achieve our goals simultaneously to protect our country, our people, our democratic choice and parallel to build sustainable democratic institutions. This is a general context which can explain why Ukrainian authorities just a week ago suddenly for Ukrainian society adopted this which provide damage to anti corruptional structure and put them under control of office of General Prosecutor is the same logic logic of centralization. And I think that the response of Ukrainian society It's a sign of health. It's like immune system. When the mass protest started in Kyiv, in other cities, despite the war, it's a good sign because it showed that people care about our joint European future, that when authorities make some wrong steps, people in Ukraine will be vocal about it. So it's a very healthy reaction. And now today, because of this healthy reaction, Ukrainian parliament voted all changes back. And this is like intermediate victory. Also I want to emphasize how different countries we have now and 11 years ago, because 11 years ago, when youth started mass protest and revolution of dignity began, these young people faced with cruelty and police brutality, they were severely beaten. I know what I'm talking about because I was coordinator of Civil Initiative Yevromaidanisovas at that time. And we provide legal assistance to all prosecuted protesters. But 11 years passed and now we have a new generation of youth started this mass protest. And they can do it with a freedom to protest without fear of violence. It's once again showed that even during the war, just for 11 years, Ukraine as a country is rapidly changed.
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D
We're speaking at this conference in Helsinki that is recognizing a summit that took place 50 years ago. It was this meeting of east and west and the Soviet Union leader at the time, Brezhnev was there as well. What do you think about when you think back to that and that you're here at this?
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C
We mark the 50th anniversary of the Helsinki Accord which created a new architecture for peaceful coexistence between states in OSI region. The Helsinki Accord, its foundation was an unbreakable link between security, economic development and human rights. But frankly speaking, today we are not in a joyful mood because Russia started large scale war against Ukraine. This is a war in the center of Europe and broke all provisions and and principles of Helsinki Accord. And unfortunately, OECE couldn't prevent this and couldn't fulfill the mandate of this organization properly. So this summit, it's important not because it's just anniversary, but because we discuss how to restart Helsinki process to be able to face challenges for which this organization was created 50 years ago.
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D
When you think back to 50 years ago as well, the Soviet Union participated, signed those accords. Is there something different about Russia today than there was even about the Soviet Union back then?
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C
The difference is visible because 50 years ago it was a generation even in Soviet Union who survived under the second World War. So they know that the war is a horror. And it was like psychological deterrence which provide even Soviet Union elite to at least trying to do something more Carefully. But now the generation gone and last decades Russia, when the whole world commemorated the end of the Second World War with a slogan Never again. Russia celebrate the war with a slogan we can repeat. So they just see that the war is adventure, something which we have to repeat. It's cool. And this is, I think, one of the main difference from previous situation and current situation, that there is no psychological barrier against large scale war, because people who experienced what doesn't mean not alive anymore.
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D
This conference was about dialogue, even when it's difficult. We're at this point where also Donald Trump is trying, in theory at least, to push the idea of dialogue by setting these deadlines for next week. What do you make of all of that? Is there any room for dialogue towards a ceasefire at the moment?
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C
Dialogue is important, but you have to use a proper language because dictator, they have this mentality that they see all this negotiation process as a part of weakness. And Putin imitate negotiation process. He's a great liar. Putin doesn't want to. Putin want to achieve his goals. His logic is historical. He dreams about his legacy. He doesn't care about hundreds of thousand Russian soldiers who have to die in order to make him possible to achieve his goal. And the only language which such dictators understand is language of strength. So plus to this post intrus social, President Trump, if he want to achieve success in this negotiation, he must demonstrate strength. It's like this famous approach to peace through strength.
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B
That was Oleksandra Matvechuk of the Ukrainian NGO center for Civil Liberties speaking to Monocle's Chris Chermak at the Helsinki +50 conference. You're listening to the Monocle Daily. Welcome back to the Monocle Daily. I'm Andrew Muller. I am joined today by Laura Kramer, Monocle Radio's senior producer, and Monocle Radio producer Anita Riota. Hello to you both.
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A
Hello, Andrew.
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C
Hello.
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B
We have an Italian American and a Romanian American. I'm not really sure where the overlap is, other than obviously American.
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E
I think it's gonna come in. In both, you know, the things that we talk about later. There are minor threads that are gonna tie all of this together.
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B
That is true. There are minor threads. Before we get rolling, Anita, would you like to abuse this opportunity to mercilessly plug tomorrow's episode of the Foreign Desk, which you produce?
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A
Would I? Would I? We have an excellent episode of the Foreign Desk coming out tomorrow. It looks at the situation on the ground in Gaza and the prospect of the formation of a or the recognition of a Palestinian state. We have a doctor who's on the ground in southern Gaza. Give him, give us his eyewitness account of the situation there. So it's not easy, but fundamental listening.
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B
Laura, are there any things you have been working on that you would like to cane mercilessly in this spot?
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E
Absolutely. If you thought the entrepreneurs was not gonna get a mention how wrong you were. Because we've got a new episode of Eureka on tonight. It's at 10pm London time and it's great. We speak to the CEO and founder of JSX, it's a charter plane company in the U.S. great episode. Everybody should listen.
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B
Well, we will start in the United States, the President of which Donald Trump has more big plans for the White House. Almost as if he regards his tenancy as perman. Having recently overseen the concreting over of the lawn in the Rose Garden and installed a couple of gigantic flag poles, plus festooned the Oval Office with more fake gold accoutrements than might have been found in one of Saddam Hussein's bathrooms. Trump now proposes to spend $200 million on a new White House ballroom in the east wing of the building. He is apparently vexed that for large scale events at present it is necessary for tents to be pitched on the South Lawn. Here is some of his pitch.
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F
We'll probably have some donors or whatever, but it's about 200 million. So we, we've been planning it for a long time. They've wanted a ballroom at the White House for more than 150 years, but there's never been a president that was good at ballrooms. I'm really good. In fact, I looked at one that we just built in Turnberry in Scotland and it's incredible. We're good at building. I'm good at building things. And we'll get it built quickly and on time. It'll be beautiful.
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B
Well, he's got his thumb on the pulse, Anita, in terms of the issues that I'm sure matter to taxpaying Americans. Are you exc. As a tax paying American for a new White House ballroom?
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A
I don't know. I'm more of a Fed HQ girl myself. But if I must pay for this as well, then absolutely fine. Look, I think there's a comic element to this. Of course, there's also a less comic element. I do think, as he sort of said in that clip, the fact that $200 million are coming from nobody knows where is not a detail to laugh away because donating $100 million to the White House renovation could buy you a lot of pull in the Oval Office. And I'm not. You know, we've just let go of so many norms in the last 10 years. But the idea that we could take undertake this renovation and just everyone's okay with the fact that we have no idea where the money is coming from is pretty concerning.
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B
I mean, I think it's reasonably safe to conclude, Laura, that he wants there to be a Trump Ballroom. Like, there's a Lincoln Bedroom or a Truman Balcony. But is there, leaving aside the fact that this is Trump and leaving aside what this ballroom is inevitably going to end up looking like, is there necessarily anything wrong with a building such as the White House, wherever it is in the world, being, you know, a bit grand and impressive?
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E
No, I don't think so. I mean, the White House should be grand, right? It's literally that the house that represents the most powerful office the world, arguably, it should look the part. I just. I do wonder, because when you think about some of his other design choices, when I think about his New York apartment, I mean, nothing wrong with grandeur, but I do worry. Is it gonna look like Liberace, like, came back from the dead and, like, it's like a Vegas showroom of some sort? What is it actually going to look like?
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B
Oh, it's going to look exactly like that.
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E
I think it's exciting. I think we should just give Donald Trump the crayons and just go crazy with the designs. Here are some marbles. You choose. Us keep busy for four years, we got everything. El be so peaceful. Imagine.
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B
Is there an argument, Anita, that it's preferable that he is invested in this rather than, you know, governing?
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A
Absolutely. No. I mean, if Laura's crayon suggestion pulled, you know, came to fruition, I wouldn't be mad about that. But, you know, it just seems like if we want to be extra cynical about this, you know, is. Is this another sort of diversion tactic from the Epstein scandal that he doesn't seem to be cap of escaping? And also, I just. I mean, again, holding him to anything he says is a fruitless endeavor. But it is funny to me that he says no president has ever been able to do a ballroom when he himself has, in fact, already been President of the United States. But, you know, we can't get the point. Well, he said he was too busy.
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E
The fourth the first time around. He was too busy to get to that. But I don't know. I'm personally very excited for the ExxonMobil inauguration wing that's gonna happen.
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B
Would you, Laura, be hoisting pitchforks if he was propos to spend $200 million of public money on this. Because on the one hand, I do kind of sympathise with the idea that a building which is a seat of government or the head of state's residence. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that looking impressive. Compare and contrast number 10 Downing street, which when you go inside, it is noticeably dishevelled in quite a few respects because they are absolutely terrified of being caught spending money on it.
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E
Absolutely. If he actually does manage to pay for it himself and get these donors, I think it's, you know, it'd be pretty impressive. It's, it's rare. Rare that a politician pays for his own monument. In a way, I do think it'd be a much bigger scandal if it was public money. But I think, you know, the job numbers came out today too. July wasn't looking very hot. I don't think it's a surprise that it was announced and talked about yesterday before all this happened, before Tariff Day. Liberation Day Part 3 now. So it's not a coincidence that this is all getting announced at the same time. I will be interested to see though what Melania's input will be, how hands on she will be with decorating of the new ballroom. Because we all remember the Christmas incident.
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B
Yeah, I do remember the Christmas incident. I quite enjoyed that one. Can you imagine though, going back to where we came in on this, Anita, which I did mention the Rose Garden, now the concrete paved over rose garden. He claims he did this, however, for women, specifically women in high heels. And though I have never in my life attempted to walk on high heels, on grass or indeed on any other surface, I can imagine that that's tricky.
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A
Well, you know, I appreciate that because if there's anything that Donald Trump stands for, it's the safety and well being of women everywhere. So I thought that that was really thoughtful and considerate of him. Look, I also agree with, with everything we've been saying that the fact that this would be privately funded helps the project along. Of course, the White House having a sense of grandeur, having a sense of wonder, come over guest that are being hosted there or tourists that go to visit to see their nation's capital or see D.C. that's great. But there is obviously also a sense that what gives these things grandeur is legacy, is history, is the fact that when you, if you went on a White House tour and you walk through the Rose Garden, people will point out both things that Eleanor Roosevelt worked on and Jackie Kennedy worked on. If you remove all of that sense of wonder and of history and of think about all the incredible icons of history that have been here and you just pave things over and gold plate everything else. You can spend all the money in the world, you can make it as big and flashy as you want, but if you lose the element of being awe inspiring, then it's just Trump Tower.
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B
Well, moving on from Donald Trump, but sticking with the theme of declining standards in public life, evidence continues to amass that a significant proportion of adult human beings around the world have simply forgotten if indeed they ever knew how to behave. In France, one seaside town, La Sable de l' an in Pays de la Loire, and apologies for my attempts to pronounce either of those things, has begun fining tourists for failing to clothe themselves correctly once leaving the beach. The mayor, Yannick Moreau, has despaired. That, quote, you cannot be half naked with hair falling onto vegetables. It's a question of decency. Meanwhile, in South Korea, people are reasonably aghast at reports of some antisocial deviant clipping their nails on the Seoul metro. Laura, is is behaviour, do we think actually declining or is social media et al, just making us more aware of it? Twenty years ago, of course, there would have been no way for us to know that somebody had been clipping their nails on the solmetric.
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E
Well, not the whole world. Like, the people who would have seen it would have told a bunch of their friends and nobody would have believed them. Right? But I think it's probably a healthy combination of both. Social media is like a little bit like having CCTV everywhere for all of us. But let's be honest, some people have also just given up. I think that's just, you know, there's like a huge global shortage of shame. And I think that would be my presidential slogan. Bring shame back.
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C
Bring shame.
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B
I have Anita, within the last fortnight or so, seen an actual grown adult male lead literally flossing his teeth on the tube. Can you improve on that?
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A
I have to say, I grew up in New York City seeing weird, and that's the generous term, the New York.
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B
City subway is a whole other thing.
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A
This I do realize it's part of my DNA. If anything, when I moved to London and there was no showtime, all New Yorkers know what I'm talking about. There was no showtime on the tube ever. I just sort of thought, am I supposed to entertain myself? Like, no one's gonna dance at all, ever. So, you know, I could do with a little bit more showtimes. I don't mind that. I know that it's gonna be a wildly unpopular opinion. But I, you know, I've also seen some certainly less appealing or nice things on the New York City subway.
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B
Do people, Laura, act up on whatever Iowa has for public transport, like the st.
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E
I actually don't think I've ever ridden public transport in Iowa, that I think about it. It's very embarrassing. But we just don't. We drive everywhere. But I have seen on the tube before. I'm not joking. Someone once ate an entire roast chicken in front of me. They had no cutlery, no napkin, and they just went, you know, it was like going full carnivore mode.
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A
I love it.
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E
Yeah, that's it. We all just kind of very British watched quietly while we witnessed this crime against poultry and public hygiene. It just happened all in front of us. And he just kind of got on.
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B
When somebody does overstep the boundaries of common decency. Are either of you remonstrators? Have either of you ever had a word, whether aggressive, sarcastic or polite?
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A
I think it depends what behavior we're speaking about. If you're being weird, go forth, be weird. Be merry and prosper. I don't care as long as you is. I might remove myself from the situation if I feel so inclined. It just made me laugh, you bringing up the fact that none of the British people on the tube did anything. The only thing in seven years of living here that I've ever seen on the tube was when I got on the tube at 8 in the morning to go to work. There was a man smoking a gigantic joint. And you know, I am not gonna tell you to stop. That's not really my prerogative. But I'm going to move. Cause I'd like to not smell like marijuana at 8am When I walk the office. And everyone else just sat there and sort of looked at him, you know, despairingly. But nobody said anything. No one else moved. Everyone else just sat there, frustrated but not doing anything. So if you're just being a weirdo, I'm going to leave you alone. I would like to believe that if I'm in a safe enough setting, if you are being rude or aggressive or inappropriate to someone, that I would say something. But safety is important too.
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B
What is your threshold, Laura, for being a remonstrator?
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E
Very short, Andrew. I am American. At the end of the day. I think it's interesting because you'll see Brits around me, they just have this intense eye contact that they do, and they're seething internally and they just kind of cough slightly harder than before. But I have said things to people. It especially irks me when they get onto the tube, when the doors open and, you know, everybody is meant to get off first and then everybody else gets on. It just makes sense. It's a civilized system. And then sometimes they just don't. And I'll just. I will say something to them. It's actually people off first. And then I walk away feeling very smug about myself.
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B
In the same way I have occasionally, with forced good cheer said to an audio offender. You know, they make headphones for those now. They rarely thank me for that suggestion, but I think it does fall to us to diagnose what the reason for this is, if it is getting worse and. Or whether we just know more about whatever. Do we subscribe, Anita, to the idea that this is somehow lockdown related, that some people during that period just went full troglodyte, just completely forgot how to conduct themselves in public and just continuing as if they're still in their lounge room?
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A
I think there has to be something to that. Especially when you consider the fact that, you know, there weren't just people in adulthood who were in lockdowns. There were kids who were learning how to be socialized teenagers, college kids, and now they're just out in the world. And maybe we've failed them on some front on socializing. But I do wonder that. I mean, four years at home, that's gotta do something to your public behavior. And if you've gotten away with stuff at home, remembering that the public is less generous.
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B
Because finally on this, Laura, my contention is that the thing we should all strive for, especially if we live in a city, is for just, just nobody to notice that we're there. That that is the benchmark you should aim for, that nobody else on the tube pays any attention to you whatsoever because you give them no reason to.
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E
You blend in. Yeah, yeah. Like a spy.
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B
Yeah.
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E
You don't want to draw attention to yourself, do you?
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B
Exactly.
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E
I think that's a good thing.
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B
I think it says says man hosting podcast.
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E
I'll be honest, I don't think it's necessarily malice. I think it's sometimes just oblivious. Obliviousness maybe, and perhaps a mix of entitlement. We're very individualistic as a society, so I think there's a cultural aspect to it, which, I mean, look, it is kind of like the public space has become that extension of the living room, and then we're just kind of like trapped in with everybody else against our will, having to interact. But I do kind of Miss the civility of having the polite gestures of knowing how to act in public, of being, you know, just. Just getting it together. Bring the shame back.
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B
Well, we may be able to help with that because it says here that it is National Spritz Day. So happy National Spritz Day to all those who celebrate a cohort which is very likely confined to the manufacturers and retailers of spritz related beverages, who the skeptical may suspect of attempting to draw attention to themselves. We do have here, listener, some spritzers. This is authentic spritz audio.
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E
Was that good?
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B
Oh, that was. That was almost. That was almost synchronized spritz audio there. That was Anita and Laura opening spritzers. Anita, as the Italian at the table, I think we. We go to you first. What is the deal with spritz?
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A
Well, first, to all the Italian listeners, I know you shouldn't drink a spritz out of a can. I swear it was for the bit. It's for the audio. Don't worry, we understand. But. But more broadly, I will say everything I'm about to tell you, I did not look up. I called my dad and I said, dad, what do you know about spritzes? So if anything is wrong, take it up with him. But also, just to tell you how much spritz is in the Italian DNA, he certainly did not look any of this up. This is what he told me. Spritz is boring.
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B
Sorry, just to back Nita, are you expecting us to believe that an Italian man spoke at some length?
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A
Yes. I mean, can you believe it? Can you believe it? We have a lot to say. But he did so very quietly and in a reserved manner, of course. Obviously, spritz is born in Venice when Veneto wine, which is the region that Venice is in, is quite sweet. So the idea was to add some sparkling water or some prosecco to sort of dilute that and make it less sweet. And that is how the spritz is born in Venice. It begins with. With select, a very famous historically Venetian liqueur. So if you have any purists in your life, they would really argue that the spritz is only a real spritz when it's with Venetian wine and liqueur.
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E
Please, Laura, question, please. I've got my hand raised just so everybody else knows. I'll allow that I did have to read up on this. And I had read. And there's no Austrian here, but like, the Austrians just couldn't handle it. And so they're the ones who started pouring this into this exact wine that Anita is talking about it was too intense for them. And spritz means splash in German. This is what I read on the Internet, people.
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A
I also spent German spritz.
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E
Okay, where's spritz?
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A
German?
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B
Does it sound like a German word?
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A
No, that is for sure. We would not have come up with spritz.
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B
Do we even know there is a Z in the Italian Alphabet?
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A
Yeah, we got Z.
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B
Exactly. We have here a variety of spritzers of different flavors. Which ones have you both opened and what are your thoughts and or feelings on them?
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A
I went with a classic Aperol spritz. I know she's taken over the world, and so some now might like to make the case that she's a bit basic or overdone. And I would say, how. How dare you? It's a perfect little bit of sweet. You get your bubbles. She's a beautiful color. Come on now. Long live the Aperol Spritz.
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B
What do you have there, Laura?
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E
I've got a Hugo spritz, which is white wine with elderflower. You need to have some. So we've got a sake with lychee. Right, Lychee. And then white wine with limoncello. Which one do you want?
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B
See, I'm going to try the sake because we have already had views expressed on Limoncello spritz from behind the production booth glass.
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A
And what yay or nay was that?
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B
I don't want to make Steph angry. So if we write Steph's name on the Limoncello spritz, she can have that afterwards. What thoughts do you have on the. What is it?
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E
It's white wine with elderflower and mint. It's a little sweet for my liking. I'll be honest. I love a Campari spritz. No offense to the Aperol people. You know, I will say this about the Aperol people. They have done an incredible job with marketing because somehow they made the Aperol spritz like a football drink. And I know this because ages ago I worked in pubs, like when I was a freelance starting out journalist. And all of a sudden you just had this increase of these men queuing up during the World cup and whatever, ordering Aperol spritz.
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A
Amazing.
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E
And every barmaid and bartender and me, oh, my God, just order a beer so we can pour it and move on. The queue is massive.
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B
Where was this pub where people were coming to watch the football and ordering an Aperol sprit?
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E
I'm telling you, it happened.
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A
I am. It's great taste, but it takes so.
- [30:24]
E
Much longer to make when The World cup is on. You just want to pour the drink and move on. Come on, keep the queue going.
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A
Yes. Maybe not a bartender's dream, but I'm with you on the Campari spritzes, too.
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B
Those are excellent, I think. We return for some closing thoughts here to our Italian Anita. What is the ideal setting, as you see it, for an Aperol spritz, apart from Studio One at Midori?
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A
Obviously, you took the words out of my mouth, obviously. I do want to say before I get into that, that I did prepare some notes on tariffs on Campari and Aperol, just to let you guys know how. No, no, it's okay. The audience, they can get there. But I just want to tell you how seriously I take these Friday daily hits. I even had tariff notes like, are.
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B
There actual tariffs on spritzers?
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A
Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for asking.
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B
No trouble.
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A
Campari, which owns Aperol, also. I didn'. That rivals monopoly on the spritz market, has warned it could take a hit of up to 45 million euros from U.S. tariffs because European wine and spirits are facing a 15% tariff until a different, more final deal is negotiated. So thanks for letting me worm that in there. I think the ideal setting for an apparel or Campari, and I'm going to take it to my favorite place on planet Earth, which is a bench outside of my grandmother's house in Sicily. It's stone, it's slightly uncomfortable, but it doesn't matter. It's overlooking the water and the sun sets right in front of it. So the sun is setting and it's casting this incredible golden, rippling light across the water. You don't remember what day it is because you have been on vacation and someone is cooking dinner for you back at the house, and you're out there with an Aperol spritz and maybe a cigarette and a loved one. And, I mean, it doesn't get much better than that.
- [32:29]
B
Anita Riota and Laura Kramer, thank you for that. And, boy, am I about to lower the tone now, because it's time for our weekly assessment of what the last seven days have taught us. I've traveled every road in this here land. I've been everywhere, man.
- [32:45]
F
I've been everywhere, man.
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B
We learned this week that the geography classes being taught in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh are perhaps suboptimal. Are, if you will, Uttar bollocks. We will endeavour to raise the tone from here on. But it was right there. What are you going to do?
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C
Yeah, I think it's good.
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B
Yeah. We learned of or at least inferred such derelictions from the bemusing case of Hashvahad Jain, resident of the town of Ghaziabad, who has had his collar felt by Uttar Pradesh's finest over a scam revolving around Mr. Jain acting as an ambassador for a number of countries which do not, on closer inspection, exist as such. Interesting.
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D
Tell me more.
- [33:36]
B
Knew you'd be curious. We learned that Mr. Gian had been trading as the ambassador for Westarctica, Seborga, Ladonia and Paulovia, in the service of which deception he had awarded himself various fake titles, mocked up photos of himself meeting assorted foreign potentates, and though he may not have forged any real diplomatic ties, had forged diplomatic license plates for his cars and official seals to stamp on documents. All of which had enabled him to scam over eager and under diligent invasion investors and job seekers while helping himself to the high life.
- [34:12]
C
Over the past decade, Jain reportedly traveled.
- [34:15]
E
To Dubai 53 times and visited over.
- [34:17]
C
30 other countries, including the UK, UAE.
- [34:20]
E
Mauritius, France, Cameroon, Switzerland, Poland, Sri Lanka.
- [34:25]
C
And Belgium as well.
- [34:27]
B
And Belgium as well. We learned when we looked into it a bit further, because we're good like that, that Mr. Gian had maybe not entirely invented his ostensible homelands. Westarctica exists, inasmuch as it is the project of an American tarot card publisher who claims to be the Grand Duke of a chunk of Antarctica. And why not? Seborga is a small village in Italy near the border with France, which the occasional local dingbat claims is an independent kingdom or. Or whatever, has its own flag and coat of arms and so forth. Lodonia is a community of intolerable whimsicalists in Sweden. And while our admittedly desultory research failed to disinter much information about Paulovia, we very strongly suspect the involvement of someone called Paul. We will at this time be requiring a sound effect of a champagne cork popping, as there is some champagne sat on. Coming up. Wait for it. Sorry. So, here goes. While Westarctica, Seborga, Lidonia and Paulovia are not real countries, we still wouldn't be surprised if US President Donald Trump imposed tariffs on them. Come on, let's have it. This is a brilliantly judged callback to that thing Trump actually did do earlier this year when he imposed tariffs on those islands with nobody living on them but penguins. Remember? Remember?
- [36:01]
D
I get it now, right?
- [36:02]
E
Oh, carry on.
- [36:03]
B
Speaking of whom. Oh, no. We learned that he had brought peace to all humankind. So there was that Stop six wars on the last.
- [36:18]
F
I'm averaging about a war a month, but the last three were very close together.
- [36:24]
B
But we learned that there was one war he intended to wage unto the death, as in between rounds of cheating at golf in Scotland, a well earned break from cheating at golf in America. He resumed his lifelong tilt against windmills.
- [36:39]
F
Stop the windmills. You're ruining your countries. I really mean it. It's so sad. You fly over and you see these windmills all over the place, ruining your beautiful fields and valleys and killing your birds.
- [36:53]
B
While we, for one whimsical news monologue, derive no joy from such avian fatalities as may be occasioned by windmills, we would mildly point out that any bird with the entire damned sky to choose from, which still manages to get clouted by one of those slowly turning blades, isn't trying all that hard. Can I get some further General muttered Agreement, agreement.
- [37:19]
F
We will not allow a windmill to be built in the United States. They're killing us. They're killing the beauty of our scenery, our valleys, our beautiful planes. And I'm not talking about airplanes. I'm talking about beautiful planes, beautiful areas in the United States.
- [37:36]
B
So we learned that whatever other criticisms may legitimately be levelled at the President, he is absolutely rock solid on the difference between planes, as in things with wings, and planes, as in flattish rural topography, if arguably less sure footed in the realm of reassuring explanations for the ending of one's friendship with an infamous child sex trafficker.
- [37:57]
F
I have a great spa, one of the best spas in the world at Mar A Lava, and people were taken out of the spa hired by him. In other words, gone.
- [38:07]
B
Still, we continue to learn that at any rate, the whole thing, the whole thing that is, on which Trump and his outriders campaigned vociferously for years, is just not really that big a whoop anymore.
- [38:19]
F
It's getting to be very old news.
- [38:22]
B
And at any further rate was entirely cooked up by the other mob.
- [38:27]
F
The whole thing is a scam. It's a scam set up by the Democrats, and they love talking about it.
- [38:32]
B
Who are, of course, the real criminals. And we learned further of their depravity from Republican Congressman Jim comer of Kentucky's 1st district, whose Wikipedia page includes the subheadings, personal finance and abuse allegations. We learned that Comer had come to blow the lid off the hideous conspiracy among flunkies of former President Joe Biden to conceal the infirmities of their boss from the voters, the ones that answer questions.
- [38:59]
F
It's almost like a cult, you know, they want to say yes Joe Biden was in excellent mental condition. They never saw any decline.
- [39:07]
B
Almost like a cult, you say, of people pretending not to notice their heroes on obvious unraveling. Do please continue, Congressman. This is fascinating.
- [39:17]
F
They put makeup on him, you know. They did a lot of stuff that conceal his true decline.
- [39:22]
B
We learned that we can all be grateful that the long nightmare of makeup being used to conceal a president's decline from America is over. For Monocle Radio, I'm Andrew Muller. And that is all for this edition of the Monocle Daily. Thanks to our panelists Laura Kramer and Anita Riota. Also to Chris Chermack, the top of the show. Today's show was produced by Monica Lillis and researched by Henry King. Our sound engineer was Steph Chungu with editing assistance from Mariela Bevan. I'm Andrew Muller here in London. The Daily is back at the same time on Monday. Thanks for listening and have a great weekend.
- [40:10]
C
Lamp.