Podcast Summary: The Moth Radio Hour – “Afraid to Look”

Date: November 18, 2025
Host: Kathryn Burns
Episode Theme: True stories about the moments when fear makes us look away—and the courage it takes to face the things we're most afraid to see.

Episode Overview

This episode of The Moth Radio Hour, hosted by Kathryn Burns, brings together a series of live, unscripted stories from individuals grappling with fears and anxieties—whether personal, social, or familial. Each storyteller describes a moment when they had to confront what they wished they could avoid. The episode explores how facing these fears—rather than turning away—becomes a path to relief, connection, and healing.

1. Introduction & Theme Setting

Host: Kathryn Burns
[02:38–03:56]

• Kathryn Burns introduces the theme: how fear keeps us from clarity and solutions, quoting Sharon Salzberg on the need to deal with our fears to find answers.
• The episode will feature stories from people who were “afraid to look” but eventually confronted their fear.
• Warning: The first story contains references to suicidal thoughts.

Notable Quote:
"Fear and worry make it impossible to see our situations clearly. Without clarity, answers are hard to come by." – Kathryn Burns, [02:45]

2. Amanda Stern: “Naming the Dread”

[03:56–14:13]

Summary

Amanda Stern recounts a lifetime of overwhelming anxiety: from childhood fears of being separated from her mother to a nearly paralyzing dread as a 25-year-old. Her attempts to simply avoid what scared her—staying at home, refusing friends—gave her fear more power. Suicidal thoughts creep in, but a desperate call to her mother and the journey to seek help leads to clarity: a diagnosis and a path toward healing.

Key Insights & Discussion Points

• Anxiety can feel like an unnamed, all-encompassing force.
• Avoidance offers temporary relief but empowers fear in the long run.
• The relief Stern finally experiences comes from facing her fear, not fleeing it.
• Clinical diagnosis (panic disorder and anxiety) brings a sense of validation and direction for treatment.

Notable Quotes

• "Since I was a child, I've been held captive by this nameless, invisible dread." – Amanda Stern [03:56]
• "It's not the absence of feeling that I want. It's the presence of relief that I long for." – Amanda Stern [08:41]
• "Avoiding [my fears] gave my fears power, but facing them gives me power." – Amanda Stern [13:41]
• “I can be afraid and do it anyway because I know that facing my fears won't kill me. But running from them almost did.” – Amanda Stern [13:55]

3. Tim Manley: “Trapped Inside”

[17:59–24:49]

Summary

Tim Manley explores how repressing strong emotions, specifically his romantic love for his best friend Ben, led to physical symptoms—a rare condition called cutaneous polyarteritis nodosa. Paralyzed by fear of vulnerability, he finds expression by writing unsent messages on his hand every night and sharing them on a secret blog. The process of communicating his feelings, even privately, helps him heal emotionally and physically.

Key Insights & Discussion Points

• Unspoken emotions can manifest physically.
• Creative self-expression—even when the recipient doesn't see it—can offer profound relief.
• Rejection is painful but honesty is transformative: Manley's physical symptoms diminish as he discloses more of himself.
• Expressing, rather than hiding, our truth can reshape both inside and outside realities.

Notable Quotes

• "My roommate came in and she said that the bumps were my emotions trapped inside of me. And if I could just learn how to say the things that were stuck inside of me, my body would show that." – Tim Manley [18:55]
• "There were so many people in my life who I had so many things to say to. And so I decided that I would write a message...every night on my hand." – Tim Manley [21:00]
• "I was taking those things that were trapped inside of me. And I was communicating them to the outside...as I started to do this...my arms and my legs totally cleared up." – Tim Manley [22:15]
• "Thank you for helping me become the person I wished I could be." – Tim Manley (message to Ben) [24:43]

4. Anoush Frunjan: “So Armenian It Hurts”

[25:42–31:08]

Summary

Anoush Frunjan navigates the collision of Armenian family tradition with her fiancé Justin’s American background. She describes varying “levels” of Armenian-ness and the anxiety of revealing the depth of her cultural identity to someone outside the community. Planning a traditional Armenian wedding (and Justin’s surprise baptism) tests her fears of ridicule and judgment, but Justin’s open-hearted response affirms the power of love and acceptance.

Key Insights & Discussion Points

• Cultural identity runs deep—going beyond what’s visible on the surface.
• The fear of exposing one’s traditions can be as unnerving as confronting public shame.
• The support of loved ones can make all the difference.

Notable Quotes

• "It's one thing to tell someone that you're Armenian. It's a completely different thing to explain to them just how Armenian you are." – Anoush Frunjan [25:42]
• "What I need is for him to not find this whole thing ridiculous. Because this Armenian thing, it's pretty goofy, but it's mine." – Anoush Frunjan [29:39]
• "Look, I just want to marry you. If I have to renounce Satan for that, fine, I'll walk over hot coals. I don't give a fuck." – Justin, quoted by Anoush Frunjan [30:38]

5. Cheryl Murfin: “The Worst Mother in the World Award”

[31:46–37:19]

Summary

Doula and writer Cheryl Murfin shares a story she tells new mothers to comfort them: shortly after childbirth, sleep deprived and overwhelmed, she forgets her baby in a grocery store parking lot. The kindness of a police officer who reassures—and doesn’t punish—her becomes a lesson she passes on to others: parents make mistakes, but resilience and compassion can heal fear and shame.

Key Insights & Discussion Points

• New parenthood is fraught with anxiety, mistakes, and self-doubt.
• Community, reassurance, and the gentle understanding of others are crucial in moments of parental failure.
• By sharing her worst moment, Cheryl helps other parents feel less alone in their fears.

Notable Quotes

• “When you have a new baby, it’s a form of insanity...you are the best mom this baby ever had, which is true.” – Cheryl Murfin [31:54]
• "[She] said, 'You know...you have won the worst mother in the world award.'" – Police officer, as told by Cheryl Murfin [36:30]
• “Babies are resilient and new parents are resilient and that they're going to be just fine.” – Cheryl Murfin [37:12]

6. Devin Sandiford: “Releasing the Silence”

[40:52–55:23]

Summary

Devin Sandiford tells his family's hidden history: as a child he pieced together, but never fully knew, the story of his uncle’s killing by police. He relates his own experience of being racially profiled and humiliated during college, which he kept secret from his family. Amid the turmoil of 2020, he chooses to break the family silence and calls his mother, hearing for the first time the full pain of her loss and theirs. Speaking the truth, though painful, finally allows healing, connection, and hope to move beyond generational trauma.

Key Insights & Discussion Points

• Family trauma, especially around race and violence, is often shrouded in silence.
• The peacemaker's role can conceal one's own pain and perpetuate family wounds.
• Speaking the truth, even when it causes pain, can open the door to generational healing.
• The act of naming a lost loved one is powerful, reclaiming their humanity.

Notable Quotes

• "It's kind of weird being a 35 year old who's afraid to call his mom." – Devin Sandiford [40:52]
• "I know it's a complete lie...that this police officer is in a position of power and he can say anything he wants. And I can only just sit there and take it." – Devin Sandiford [46:24]
• "I thought I was supposed to be the peacemaker, but all I have done here is bring her this pain. But I know that I had to do this because I know there's so much pain inside of me." – Devin Sandiford [50:37]
• “What I’m really looking for was a connection to my mom and to break the silence…before it passes on to my sons.” – Devin Sandiford [51:24]
• “My uncle’s name is Ronald Edwards. We called him Uncle Ron. A lot of people called him Ronnie.” – Devin Sandiford [55:12]

7. Bonus: Host Reflection and Epilogue

[53:28–55:23]

• Kathryn Burns interviews Devin Sandiford after his story about the meaning and challenge of telling painful family history.
• Sandiford explains the importance of breaking silence even when it’s hard on older generations, so that younger ones can heal.

Notable Quote:
"I either can hurt my parents and my family or I will hurt my sons. And I had to make the choice...I can't pass this on to my sons." – Devin Sandiford [53:51]

Notable Moments & Timestamps

• Amanda Stern’s realization that relief comes from facing fear [08:40–09:05]
• Tim Manley writes unsent love notes to process heartbreak [21:00–22:15]
• Anoush Frunjan’s fiancé gamely agrees to an intense baptism and wedding [30:29–30:45]
• Cheryl Murfin’s candid and comforting “worst mother” story [35:00–36:40]
• Devin Sandiford’s openhearted conversation with his mother and the reclaiming of his uncle’s name [51:24–55:12]

Conclusion

“Afraid to Look” compiles raw, honest, and often humorous stories that reveal what happens when we stop hiding from our greatest fears: anxiety, love, cultural identity, parental failure, or generational trauma. Sometimes, examining what scares us most is not only survivable—it’s the only way to grow, heal, and connect with those we love.