Podcast Summary: The Moth – “Talking About Advice”
Original Air Date: November 14, 2025
Host: Chloe Salmon
Guest: John Paul Bramer (“Hola Papi”)
Episode Overview
In this special episode, The Moth Podcast offers listeners the full conversation between director Chloe Salmon and John Paul Bramer, the advice columnist behind “Hola Papi”. The episode delves into how John Paul approaches advice-giving with both humor and vulnerability, what motivates people to seek advice from strangers, and real-life listener questions about friendship, regret, and dealing with difficult people. The lively discussion explores storytelling, emotional honesty, and navigating the trickier parts of human connection.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Advice to One’s Younger Self
[03:06]
- Chloe asks John Paul what advice he’d give his teenage self.
- John Paul’s take: “You gotta calm down. You gotta relax. I think I wanted so much stuff so fast, and I was just constantly frustrated with myself for not having it yet... enjoy the process, man. It’s not about stressing yourself out to achieve results.”—John Paul, [03:19]
- Both agree that slowing down and enjoying the process is invaluable advice.
2. Finding the Balance: Humor & Vulnerability in Advice
[04:00–07:07]
- John Paul reveals “Hola Papi” was conceived as a humorous satire of classic advice columns but quickly became much deeper due to the kinds of letters he received.
- Many readers wrote in seeking genuine connection, leading John Paul to respond with more tenderness and empathy.
“A lot of these letters were very heartfelt. They made me very emotional. And I realized I can’t make fun of these people…”—John Paul, [05:42]
Notable Moment:
- The recognition that a joking project could transform into a lifeline for community and real vulnerability
- Chloe: “Once you opened up the space, you were very surprised by what came into it.” [07:10]
3. Persona vs. Reality in Advice Columns
[07:27–09:59]
- John Paul discusses separating his “Papi” advice-giving persona from his daily self, which allows him to be “messy” as John while maintaining perspective and composure as “Papi.”
- He acknowledges the fear of giving bad advice but views the column as an evolving writing project rather than a quest for perfect answers.
“It’s not a science. It’s definitely an art...I would look back and be like, ‘girl, why did you say that?’”—John Paul, [09:46]
4. Why Seek Advice From Strangers?
[10:13–12:36]
- Both reflect on the unique appeal of confiding in strangers—made easier by the semi-familiarity of online platforms.
- Chloe and John Paul are self-proclaimed “nosy” types who love hearing people’s stories, which makes advice-giving and moth storytelling a perfect fit.
- The volume of letters ebbs and flows with social platforms and broader cultural trends.
“Our relationship with strangers on the Internet…that’s something we’re still working out.”—John Paul, [10:32]
5. Giving Advice Without Judgement
[12:36–15:45]
- Drawing on sibling dynamics, John Paul describes crafting the “cool mentor” persona he wished he’d known upon coming out, especially feeling lost and overwhelmed in queer spaces.
- Key insight: True advice is a conversation—not talking down to someone.
“When people come to you with vulnerability…they are listening very intently to every last word you say. It’s so full of landmines.”—John Paul, [13:38]
6. Storytelling & Performing Vulnerability
[15:45–20:20]
- Chloe links the vulnerability of advice-seeking with the courage of live storytelling on The Moth stage.
- John Paul describes his love of both writing and performance; being on stage feeds “the inner thespian” in him, despite chronic anxiety.
“Put me on a stage with a bunch of people…and I feel like I activate in a fun way.”—John Paul, [17:13]
- They discuss the historical roots of advice columns—often a space for marginalized voices (women, LGBTQ folks)—and how this tradition connects to their current storytelling communities.
“It’s just fun to feel like you’re a living aspect of these traditions and you’re still doing it.”—John Paul, [20:13]
Listener Questions & Advice (Advice Column Segment)
1. Lost Friendship Over a Wedding Snub
[23:50–28:41]
- Listener feels excluded from a longtime friend’s wedding, obsessing about the silence.
- Chloe acknowledges the pain of friendship breakups:
“Friendships…that have gone by the wayside have impacted me so much. It’s a really painful time.”—Chloe, [24:21]
- John Paul: Normalize reaching out directly for answers, even if it’s scary. Social etiquette around weddings can be bewildering.
- Both suggest having an honest conversation (or at least getting “data” from mutual friends), but ultimately, one may need to accept the changed nature of the relationship.
- Quote: “Most people are just one frank conversation away from the conclusion to their issue.”—John Paul, [25:04]
2. Regret Over a Lost Painting
[29:50–34:47]
- Listener mourns selling a favorite painting and wonders if reaching out to reclaim it is appropriate, especially after hearing it’s become fodder for another person’s song.
- John Paul draws on his own experience as an artist: Once you sell art, it’s not really yours anymore, but the friend’s audacity is irksome.
- Chloe and John Paul joke about staging a heist and roast the scenario:
“Let’s collab on a strongly worded letter. Let’s show up at his house, steal it.”—Chloe, [32:59]
- Advice: It’s okay to ask for the painting back (now that the song’s been written and the name’s out), but prepare to accept “no” and seek closure—this is as much about mourning lost creative selves as lost objects.
3. Dealing With a Bully in the Friend Group
[34:47–41:14]
- Listener “Pete” recognizes a “Tom” in his circle as a bully but struggles with what to do since Tom is central to the group.
- Chloe sympathizes with the passive-aggression puzzle: confrontation rarely works as the bully will deny it.
- John Paul suggests trusting your gut, and that you don’t have to keep toxic people in your life—sometimes cold politeness and distance is enough.
- Both validate that alliances with others in the group can help, and the joy of discovering you’re not alone in your feelings is real:
“There is no greater dopamine rush than…do we both have this problem with someone? And then suddenly they’re like, okay, right? Oh, my God, I activate friends for life.”—John Paul, [40:36]
- Chloe: “You don’t…have to…really interact with this person just because they’re around.” [39:17]
- Main advice: Maintain your friendships; you don’t have to endure cruelty to remain part of the group.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- “You gotta enjoy the process, man. It’s not about stressing yourself out to achieve results. You’re gonna be fine. Read a book.” —John Paul Bramer, [03:21]
- “I thought I was going to be running a joke column… But then when the letters came in…they made me very emotional.” —John Paul Bramer, [05:33]
- “Once you opened up the space, you were very surprised by what came into it.” —Chloe Salmon, [07:10]
- “It’s not a science. It’s definitely an art.” —John Paul Bramer, [09:51]
- “Our relationship with strangers on the Internet…that’s something we’re still working out.” —John Paul Bramer, [10:32]
- “When people come to you with vulnerability… it’s so full of landmines.” —John Paul Bramer, [13:38]
- “Most people are just one frank conversation away from the conclusion to their issue.” —John Paul Bramer, [25:04]
- “There is no greater dopamine rush than…do we both have this problem with someone?” —John Paul Bramer, [40:36]
Segment Timestamps
- [03:06] – Advice to one’s younger self
- [04:15] – Balancing humor and vulnerability in advice columns
- [07:27] – Advice-giving persona vs. real self
- [10:13] – Seeking advice from strangers and social media dynamics
- [12:36] – Approaching vulnerability and judgment in advice-giving
- [15:45] – Storytelling and performing on The Moth stage
- [23:50] – Listener questions/advice: Wedding friend breakup
- [29:50] – Listener questions/advice: Regretting a lost painting
- [34:47] – Listener questions/advice: Bully in the friend group
Tone & Takeaways
The conversation is witty, warm, and often self-deprecating, blending humor and heartfelt insight regarding vulnerability, the complexity of relationships, and the joy of storytelling. Both Chloe and John Paul embrace curiosity, transparency, and compassion in their work, urging listeners to be brave, direct, and forgiving—of others and themselves.
For more information and storytelling events, visit themoth.org.