Podcast Summary: The Moth – "Look Away – Or Don’t" by Andrew Postman

Introduction

In the episode titled "Look Away – Or Don’t," featured on The Moth podcast and released on June 8, 2009, storyteller Andrew Postman shares a deeply personal and transformative journey about his lifelong battle with fainting and his path toward overcoming it. Host Dan Kennedy sets the stage by introducing the narrative, emphasizing the theme of "stories from the Razor's Edge," which encapsulates moments of intense personal challenge and resilience.

Early Encounters with Fainting

Andrew Postman begins his story by recounting his first experience fainting at the age of 18 during his cousin’s bris. He describes the oppressive summer heat and the crowded room, leading to his sudden loss of consciousness while holding a movie camera. Postman reflects, “[00:03:03] I was 18 the first time I fainted… and I wondered who she was talking about,” highlighting his initial confusion and fear surrounding fainting episodes.

Less than a year later, while in college, Postman faints again, this time during a highly violent film he compares to a Salvador Dali movie. He poignantly notes, “[00:03:30] I believe I am the only person ever to faint at an Ingmar Bergman movie,” illustrating the profound impact that intense visual and emotional stimuli had on him. These early experiences set the foundation for Postman's struggle with fainting, which he would face repeatedly in various high-stress situations.

The Turning Point: Birth of the First Child

The pivotal moment in Postman’s narrative occurs during the birth of his first child. Despite his history of fainting—having nearly fainted twice before—Postman is determined to be an active participant in the delivery process. He meticulously prepares by watching intense film scenes to steel himself for the impending stress. Postman recounts the harrowing experience: “[00:05:15] And I saw the baby lifted up above the sheet… and I felt... I had now seen blood in its most elemental way.” This moment of witnessing life’s emergence from blood and pain becomes a catalyst for his transformation.

As his wife undergoes an emergency C-section, Postman describes feeling an unprecedented sense of strength and certainty: “[00:06:00] ...I felt as strong and solid and certain on my legs as I'd ever felt before.” This surge of empowerment helps him conquer his fainting reflex, allowing him to fully engage with the miraculous yet raw process of childbirth. Reflecting on this experience, Postman notes, “[00:06:45] I had vanquished the fainting bug because I had now seen blood in its most elemental way.”

Facing the Past: Birth of the Second Child

Two years later, Postman faces his fear once more during the birth of his second child. Determined not to repeat his previous fainting episodes, he approaches the amniocentesis with a heightened sense of control. However, the situation escalates rapidly when he begins to hyper-focus on the procedure, leading to another fainting spell: “[00:12:15] I passed out, and the entire dead weight of my body was now heading toward her pregnant belly… She… pushed me away, and I crumpled unconscious on the floor.”

Postman shares the aftermath of this traumatic event, describing his overwhelming sense of disgust and self-reproach: “[00:14:00] I was repulsed by what I had just almost done… this cannot happen anymore.” This incident forces him to deeply introspect about the nature of his fainting episodes, viewing them as a means to avoid confronting intense emotions and experiences: “[00:14:30] Fainting is really about skipping time… a way not to confront them.”

Resolution and Growth

Determined to overcome his ingrained responses, Postman commits to facing his fears head-on. The birth of his second son marks a significant breakthrough. Despite his initial urges to withdraw, he consciously chooses to engage fully in the moment: “[00:15:00] I remember forcing myself to hold onto it… It was almost like something that had been skinned alive. And yet it was life.”

By maintaining his composure and presence during the delivery, Postman not only supports his wife but also solidifies his triumph over his long-standing fear of fainting. He concludes his story with a sense of fulfillment and gratitude, recognizing the profound personal growth he has achieved through these intense life experiences.

Conclusion

Andrew Postman’s "Look Away – Or Don’t" is a compelling testament to human resilience and the power of facing one’s deepest fears. Through vivid storytelling and heartfelt reflections, Postman invites listeners to witness his journey from vulnerability to strength, illustrating how confronting and enduring life's most challenging moments can lead to profound personal transformation. This narrative not only highlights the physical and emotional struggles associated with fainting but also underscores the importance of presence and courage in the face of life’s unpredictability.

Notable Quotes

• “[00:03:03] I was 18 the first time I fainted… and I wondered who she was talking about.”
• “[00:05:15] And I saw the baby lifted up above the sheet… and I felt... I had now seen blood in its most elemental way.”
• “[00:06:45] I had vanquished the fainting bug because I had now seen blood in its most elemental way.”
• “[00:14:30] Fainting is really about skipping time… a way not to confront them.”

Final Thoughts

Andrew Postman’s story is a moving exploration of fear, resilience, and the transformative power of embracing life’s most intense moments. By sharing his experiences with vulnerability and honesty, Postman not only entertains but also inspires listeners to confront their own fears and challenges with courage and determination.