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- [00:01]
Bill Yossas
The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist whether you're running, swimming or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum compared to previous generations. IPhone XS are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary.
- [00:30]
Christine Kalafus
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- [02:00]
Dan Kennedy
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This week on the podcast we have two stories for you about pastries. Because why not occasionally? Occasionally we're very emotional. Why not a couple stories about pastries? Keep it light, you know what I mean? We have a couple of audience slips here from recent Moth story slam shows that podcast producer Whitney Jones has just brought to my attention. We asked the crowd tell us about a time you had to juggle too many things and this person wrote, I went food shopping to get away from my kids. People do that. I'm gonna go food shopping to get away from my kids. My husband showed up in the produce section with all four of our kids screaming and I acted like I I didn't know them and then said to my husband, hey, Mr. I come here to get away from all that. And the lady shopping next to him looked at him like, what's with that nutcase saying something like that? Just ignore her. Another food related audience slip here. We asked the crowd tell us about a time things were way too good to be true. And this person wrote in waking up to the smell of cinnamon rolls, but it was a goddamn candle. I love moth audiences. Our first story comes from a New York main stage event that we did here in New York city back in 2014. It was in collaboration with the World Science Festival. Here's Bill Yossis.
- [03:46]
Bill Yossas
In June 2004, I got a phone call from a very good friend of mine who said to me, hey, the pastry chef at the White House just retired. Okay. And, well, don't you think you should apply for the job? No, I'm happy where I am. Well, you really should. But it went on for a little bit, and so we just said our goodbyes. And then, like, 10 minutes later, someone else calls me. The pastry chef from the White House, retired. And so I had been in the business for a while, so there's a lot of these phone calls are coming in, and so I'm sort of, sort of ticking away in my brain, and I'm saying, no, I'm fine. I'm happy. But I began to do some research on this peculiar job. And so I Google up chefs of the White House, and there's a very sort of sketchy and patchy history of people who worked there in that job, and probably the most illustrious of which was James Hemings, who was Thomas Jefferson's chef. He famously went with Jefferson to Paris and. And learned from great French chefs. He cooked at the Champs Elysees, home of Jefferson, and fed heads of state and kings. And although he was a slave in America, he could have claimed his freedom in France. He did not. He stayed with Jefferson and came back to the States. So I started to think about it, and, well, you know, maybe. So I jot off a resume and sent to my friend who's good at this type of thing, and he sends it right back. That's so amateurish, I wouldn't even send it in. So, okay. And I really try another one, and, oh, it's even worse. So this goes on for a while, and I do, like, 10 resumes. And so now I'm really, like, jazzed on this project. And finally I get one, I send it in. And so now I've read about history and I've worked on all these resumes by the Time I get to the mailbox, I am. I open that door and throw it in, and this job is mine. I wait a few weeks, the answer comes back, thank you for your interest in blah, blah, blah. And of course, as you can guess, the answer was no, it is not yours. And I go back to my life. I'm fine. Fast forward two years and same guy calls me up. The last one quit. Okay, no, I'm not going to. No, no, no. He said, well, you don't have to go through the whole thing. They loved your resume. They'll fly you down there, you'll visit the White House, you'll get a tour. Why not make a weekend of it? And I'm like, well, I could go to the White House, I suppose. So I get down there and the night before check into a hotel. And I decide to walk by the White House in summertime. And it is. I don't know if you've walked by it in the Pennsylvania Avenue side in the night. It is so beautiful. Just this gleaming jewel on the hill. Perfect Palladian lines. The architecture is awesome. Beautiful grass, as green as you can picture it. And so I'm getting really like now I'm amped going the next day. There's all kinds of security, of course. There's dogs, there's guns, there's people with earphones. There's. Takes forever to get through, but finally I get in and there is literally like five interviews before I can even bake a cookie. Finally, they show me to the kitchen. It's really tiny. Makes the New York kitchen look big. And nobody there can help me. They're not allowed to help me. It's supposed to be just what, you know, I can do. So one thing that's very interesting though, that's sort of relieves my tension is that I'm looking out this window. There's a very nice window in the end of the pastry shop, which looks down on the press pool. So you see people running back and forth when there's news happening. And it's just a very interesting view of history happening right below this window. So I get in the zone. I'm making my blueberry pavlova, lemon custard and dinosaur plum roasted, the parfait, all these great buffet items. So I'm really into it. I go and I serve the. It's a 40 person buffet. The east wing staff is coming over to taste this and they demolish it. They annihilate this food. I mean, there's nothing left. You don't have to Even wash the dishes. And it's like, I'm feeling pretty good. Then I realized it's 4 o'clock on a Friday afternoon. It's like, of course they ate everything. Everyone's starving. So that night I have to do what's called a showpiece, a sugar showpiece. It's this elaborate sort of pulled sugar and blown sugar and poured sugar and marzipan and chocolate and this elaborate sculpture, which this kind of thing dates back to Karem in the early 19th century. They would do these showpieces, they called them, for Napoleon and Czar Alexander and all the great leaders. Prince George, the Regent of England. Anyway, this is this elaborate piece and it takes me all night. You do it under infrared lamps which heat up the sugar and keep it malleable. So I'm working away on it, my glasses are sliding down my nose. And finally finish it. It's a branch of a peach tree which peach flowers and marzipan leaves. And it's all ready. Next morning I go into the interview. This is the top dogs there. One is known as the Chief Usher. He is the so called because back in the day when you went up to the White House, you could knock on the door, say you wanted to see the President and you were ushered up to the second floor literally to state your piece. So this ended sometime around Abraham Lincoln, but the name stuck. So Chief Usher interviews me and what's called the Social Secretary, which is a really sort of banal name for a very important person. This person arranges all the entertainment at the White House, in conjunction with the first lady, of course. So I get in, we start the interview and both lenses of my glasses drop out like I am talking to, trying to. Well, this is what I see. Both drop onto the floor. I'm totally nearsighted, I cannot see a thing. I really have to get down on my hands and knees to get these. And I. So I'm doing the interview like this. What did you say? Finally, I just give it up and give up on seeing it all. So there's just these two blurry voices, like talking to me. And somehow, for some reason it makes me very relaxed, like, oh, well, yeah, I guess. And they start asking security questions and I feel like making things up, like, oh, well, yeah, there was, you know, I was arrested. But anyway, we get through this thing and as I'm leaving, my shoulders are like humped. I'm like, that was ridiculous. That was. So I just blew it. The next day is the really big deal. This is dinner for the President and First lady and I have to go and make a beautiful dessert and present the showpiece and petit fours and chocolates and jasmine ganache. And I make this peach frangipan cobbler in a fancy kind of style. And I go to get the peaches, and they're in the refrigerator. Damn it. They're supposed to be left out to ripen. And I'm like, so they are. But they're perfect. Somebody had taken the trouble to ripen them. And. God, perfect. I mean, the type. You bite into it, the juice is all over your shirt, and you're like, really? Like, this is. Now I'm back in the game. So I'm really like, okay, let's go with this. And I make the frangipan cobbler and serve it. It's all fine. And then comes a time to meet the President and the First Lady. So reappear. Chief Usher takes me upstairs. And you walk through not the state floor of the house, but the second floor, which is the residence, much more modern in look. And the President and First lady, you know, keep it in a modern sort of decorated fashion. Beautiful paintings on the wall, modern art. The furniture's awesome, like, all kinds of beautiful space. And I start to hear the President's voice as I come close to the dining room and getting very emotional. I'm already. I'm a history nerd, if you haven't noticed. And I was, you know, like, Lincoln has stood here. Kennedy stood here. So I get into the room, and, you know, I'm pretty wobbly. And I'm sure the people downstairs told him, like, this guy, you know, might wind up on the floor. Don't be surprised. So I come in, and I'm introduced to President George w. Bush and Mrs. Laura Bush. They're sitting there with the Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, and National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley. So. Whoa. It's a very heavy moment, and I knew I would be nervous. So I had been practicing this line, like, oh, I know what to say. So I said it. It's an honor to be here, sir. And there's kind of silence. Like, everybody waits for the big boss to talk first. So there's silence. And then in a very genuine and quiet, almost to himself, he says, it is for me, too. And I just got goosebumps. That's when I really. It really came down how. How that house has meant so much to this country and. And how people in that house, the enormity of their task. And regardless of your politics, whatever you think about the way this president or another President does things. These people give heart and soul. They give blood. And so I was really moved. I was like, this is just an amazing moment. And I really wanted to be part of history at that point. However big a speck that peach cobbler was compared to wars and famines and all the intractable problems these guys face, I wanted it. And that is how President Bush and Mrs. Laura Bush hired this gay liberal Democrat from New York to cook for them. I think it's pretty amazing. Since that time, I've been in two administrations, eight years. I'm a very proud member of Mrs. Oliver Obama's let's Move team. She has changed the way I and many other people think about food for the better, for the healthier, for better, for our atmosphere, for our soil, for our. For everything, and especially for our kids, because we need to feed them better than we're doing. That has been an amazing journey. It is a huge adventure, and it's one that I have witnessed through that little window looking down in the press pool for eight years. And it's just been awesome. Thank you.
- [15:29]
Dan Kennedy
Bill Yossas was the White House executive pastry chef from 2007 to June of 2014. He's also the current director of the cooking lab of Chop Chop magazine. And he's the founder of Kitchen Garden Laboratory, which uses school gardens to connect students with cooking and science. Our second story today comes from our Boston story Slam. And the theme of that night was fools. Here's Christine calipas.
- [16:03]
Christine Kalafus
So it's 2004. I'm 35 years old, and I'm a housewife who doesn't know her limits. I recently quit my job to stay home with my kids, and I really love them, but I really miss working. I miss making money. I miss dressing up. I miss delivering anything that isn't a baby. And I'm at a party, and this woman standing next to me says she's eating a piece of cake that I made, and she says, this is really delicious. You could totally do this for a living. And I grab that like a life raft, and I say yes. I call my cousin Allison, who's totally dialed into the mom network, and I'm a new member. So I say, I'm going to make cakes for a living. And the next day, my phone rings. It's a woman named Debbie. And she says, I've heard you make cakes. And I hear myself just saying yes to everything. Yes to a cake for 50 people, yes for a cake for tomorrow, yes to a vanilla cake. And then I find myself asking the Stupidest question. Would you like a filling? And she says, yes, we would love strawberry filling. And I think, oh my God, I don't even know how to make strawberry filling. I don't even know if I've ever eaten strawberry filling. I'm in deep trouble. I hang up the phone and I think, okay, I don't know what to do. I can't just go to the bakery and buy a cake. I have to deliver a homemade cake to this woman. And I don't make homemade cakes. I make Duncan Hines. But I don't have time to think about that because it's for tomorrow and it's an emergency cake and it's a performance cake. I mean, everyone knows that cakes are not about the baby or the bride. The party is about the cake and the dessert. So I really have to deliver. So I get the biggest round pan that I have in my house and I'm going to make a three layer cake. Well, each one of these pans takes three cake mixes. And Duncan Hines butter recipe is a stick of butter and three eggs. So I make all three of these cakes and it's about 1:00 in the morning, they're all starting to cool. I'm feeling somewhat relieved and I realize, oh my God, I've got to make the strawberry filling. And I have like 15 quarts of strawberries. I have no idea how to do this, but I cut them up and throw them in a pot and I throw in a little water and think, oh, maybe sugar. I just kind of dump it in and I stir it up and it doesn't look so bad. And I think I'm going to pull this off. I just spread the strawberry mess on the cakes and I layer them on top of each other. And I get to the fun part, which is the only part I'm really good at is decorating. And I start to do that and it looks amazing. It's got all these little flowers on top. And I've basically donated this silver filigree baby carriage that's like from my own house because I'm not a professional cake paper. And I just have to just donate this thing so I get it done and I think, okay, now I just have to get it to the car. And it's very large and I think, wow, this, this is pretty heavy. And that's probably because it has 27 eggs and nine sticks of butter and about a pound of sugar and it's probably about £50. And I hope nobody's diabetic at this party. And I Get it into the van. And I think, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna deliver this cake. I'm so excited. And I. I'm like that annoying person on the highway with the hazards on. And I get to the exit, and it's a left hand exit. So I'm driving. And as I take the exit, I can see the restaurant. And as I take the exit, I can see with that eye that all mothers have in the back of their heads for their kids. And I see the top layer of the cake start to slide off. So I do what any mother does when she reaches to the back of the car and I just grab the top of the cake and. And I hold it in place. And I get to the restaurant and I just park and think, okay, I've just got to remove my hand from this cake and assess the damage. So I get out of the car and I open the passenger door, and I managed to keep the cake in one piece, but it's a hot mess. And I don't have any frosting. I don't have a spatula, but I do have a credit card, so. So I don't think about where my credit card has been. I don't think about where my fingers have been. I just fix the cake with my credit card and get inside. And it's just as I was afraid of. As soon as I walk in the door with this massive cake, all the people that were surrounding the baby come and flock toward me. And it's like the Red Sea parts as I make my way to this rickety table to put this massive cake. And any minute, I think as I put the cake down, they're going to say, what kind of cake is that? That's not a homemade cake. What did you do, frost it with your fingers? But no one says that. They say, wow. And before I can interpret that, I think, I've got to get out of here because. And Debbie turns to me and says, do you want to stay and have a piece of cake? No, I really got to get going. And she palms me the $75 and I am in the hole for this cake. I have not made any money and it's all over, but I need to get out of there before they cut into it and discover it's probably not really cooked in the center. So I bail. And the next day I get a phone call, and it's Debbie. And I'm holding my breath and my heart goes into my stomach. And she says, that cake was delicious. And I think, oh, my gosh, I pulled it off. I could totally be a cake baker. I could do this for a living. And she says, well, we have another party coming up. Would you consider making another cake for us? That was just the best homemade cake ever. And I no thank you. I'm retired.
- [22:14]
Dan Kennedy
Christine Kalafus is a writer, editor, and home remodeling addict. She's also the editor in chief of the Pitkin Review at Goddard College, where she's an MFA candidate. Christine lives in Connecticut, is working on a memoir, and when the mood strikes her, she moves all the furniture around. Before we go, just a quick note. The Moth mainstage is returning to London's Union Chapel on October 5th that's going to be hosted by Phil Jupitis. For tickets and details on all of our upcoming tour stops, just visit themoth.org.
- [22:50]
Christine Kalafus
Dan Kennedy is author of the books Loser Goes First Rock on and American Spirit. He's a regular host and performer with the Moth when he's not on Twitter.
- [23:00]
Dan Kennedy
The Moth Podcast is produced by Whitney Jones. Moth events are recorded by Argo Studios in New York City, supervised by Paul Ruest. The Moth Podcast and the Moth Radio Hour are presented by prx, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public@prx.org thanks for listening and we hope you have a story worthy week.