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The Moth
Brian Finkelstein: Jewish Blood. Irish Heart
00:17:07
An American man goes in search of Thanksgiving in Ireland. Brian Finkelstein is a comedic writer / performer whose one-person show, First Day Off In A Long Time, was selected for the HBO/US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen and later developed as a Pilot f...
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- [00:00]
Rosetta Stone Advertiser
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Dan Kennedy
Welcome to welcome to another Moth podcast. My name is Dan Kennedy. The Moth, as you know, is all about true stories, and they're told live on a stage. They're told without notes. They're told without anything that could save your soul while you're burying it in front of a crowd, standing in front of a microphone. The stories that you hear on the podcast are taken from events here in New York City, also in Los Angeles, in Chicago, in Detroit, and all over the country when the Moth is on tour. Find out more about the Moth by visiting the site themoth.org the story that you're about to hear on the podcast today is by Brian Finkelstein and it was recorded back in 2003, December of 2003 at the moth main stage. The theme of the night was crossing over stories from here to there.
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Brian Finkelstein
Hello. So as the holidays approach, I realized that I really hate holidays. Not the holidays, but holidays. And it's just another piece of the minutia of my life that is a cliche. However, the reason I don't like the holidays is my family is. Well, it's a typical New York family. My father's Jewish and my mother's Irish, but my Jewish father to him he's agnostic, he's atheist, he's lazy. But he like Jewish to him means like cynical. It's like synonymous with misanthrope. And I can get on board with that, you know, and my Mother Irish and Protestant. And, like, she's really into her Irish culture. And she loves the whole holiday thing that goes with it, like Christmas. She loves it even though every year she has to beg me, my brother and sister, to go to church with her. And she loves Halloween. When I was like, she made me dress up in Halloween, like, through high school and even a little bit beyond. That's awkward for everybody. And then. And she loves St. Patrick's Day because she's Irish. And so she loves to have, like, corned beef and hash, which just is bad, you know, not even nutrition. It's just bad. And she likes that. She likes traditional Irish things. And one of the things she does every year is she goes to Ireland once a year to see her roots, which is kind of ironic. So she goes there every year. And she always wants me, my brother or sister to go with her. And my brother and sister have both gone, but I refuse, because I don't Europe. If you're gonna take a vacation, go to China or Africa or, you know, you go to Soho, go to Europe. So, you know what I mean? We live in New York. You don't need to go to Europe. We are in New York. So. So she always wants me to go. And I never really can relate to it until a few years ago and it started. I was working at this store. It's called Kiehl's. It's a skin care store just over a couple blocks down. And they're owned by the French. See, the Europe thing, that's a whole nother thing. So I'm working there, and I work there with all these people. And there's a woman who's hired for Christmas help for the holidays. And her name's Aideen, she's Irish. And I don't really know her well because it's a very busy time in retail. And so she's working there and I'm working there, but she's from Ireland. And so she says she's going there for the holidays for, like, right before Christmas, through the New Year's and a little bit beyond. And she wants to know if anybody wants to come with her because tickets are really cheap. And so, like, all the people I work with who I know really well were all like, yeah, let's all do it. So we all bought tickets. Or so I thought until I was going to Ireland by myself. Aideen was already there because she went. And so I was going to. You know, I thought everyone was going, but I was going to meet Aideen there. So I land in Dublin. And I call Aideen at the number she emailed me and ask her, you know, pass her aggressively, say, how do I get to your apartment in Dublin? Am I going to take a cab? Just expecting her to say she's going to pick me up? But Aideen's like, no, you shouldn't rent a car. There's no really other way to get to my apartment. I'm like, okay, I'll do it. I mean, drive on the wrong side of the street, and it's an adventure, whatever. It's Ireland. You can't be. So I go to her house, I go to her apartment, and we end up going out to dinner that night at a Chinese food restaurant, authentic Irish Chinese restaurant. And while we're sitting there, people are smoking. And this is where I start to learn a little bit about Aideen, that she hates cigarette smoke. And so she, you know, I say, oh, me too. And I smoke. But I say, me, too, because, you know, whatever. I'm an American. We're in another country. I'm peacekeeping. That's what we do. But she says, oh, good, I'm glad you don't smoke. And I never really said I don't smoke. Just to be fair to myself. I just said, I don't like it. And I don't. It's disgusting. But I like to smoke. And so. And so, you know, we're sitting there, and so this starts this weird relationship we have. So she has an itinerary for my vacation. She wants to see all of Ireland. I'm like, great. It's not that big of a country. Whatever. So she decides we're gonna go up to Westport and then over to Achill island, and then down to Wicklow Mountains, and, oh, there's the Cliffs of Moore or whatever, and down back to Dublin. So I'm like, awesome. Okay, great. So we get in the car, and I'm like, all right, so I'll drive first. And she's like, oh, no, I don't drive. I'm like, oh, that's good. You know, all right, awesome. So we drive to the first place we get, like, halfway between Dublin and Westport in some city that, you know, unless you live there, you wouldn't know, and even then you might not know. And we go. We say this, like, bed and breakfast y thing. We go to a pub at night for dinner because it's the only thing open. And that's when I learned that she's a recovering alcoholic. Now I'm like, I'm in Ireland. I want A couple pints of Guinness. Because I'm, you know, an alcoholic, but I'm certainly not recovering. And so. So I order a pint of beer, and she looks at me like I am like a full on, like I'm Spakowski, you know, she's looking at me like, you know, like, I shoot heroin. And I feel like I shoot heroin. I really wish I shot heroin. So I take a sip of the Guinness. I'm like, oh, this is really strong. I'll just drink water because again, the peacekeeping thing. So we go to bed, and now we're starting to travel around. And this is every night we go out to dinner. I have water, I have chips with their fries. And so. But I go back. I like the mayonnaise thing. That's cool. And so I go to my hotel room every night, and I'm sneak. I'm like, waiting till she goes to bed. And I'm sneaking down and getting some beer and pack of cigarettes. And I'm in my room like Anne Frank, checking for lights underneath the door. And I'm like. I actually started writing a journal because I really felt like. Anyway, so we continue our trip, and it's, you know, it's kind of fun. It's really beautiful country. Like, I saw a lot of places that tourists don't see because I was there with somebody from the country. And so she showed me it, but we were doing a very American thing, which is, you know, you drive 19 hours, and then you're like, that's that. And you drive by it. And then we were pulling up. After five days, we pull into Wicklow, where her father lives. And as we're pulling up, she tells me some more things about her. So she tells me that she. She. You know, she. Her father is in a band, and he doesn't like cigarette smoke either. And I was like, oh, well, you know, I don't smoke. And she goes, I know what you do every night. You know, she's smart. So she's like. And she's like. And they really don't. My father doesn't drink. He's not a recovering alcoholic, but he doesn't like alcohol, so, you know, just, you know, just chill out. And I was like, okay, fine. We're here for two days. That's nice. I'll relax. I'll sleep, watch tv. And so we pull into their house, and they come out and they greet us, and we sit down and we have dinner, and they serve, you know, just bad food, and they're really nice, and the conversation turns to the holidays, because it was just right after it was January. So they're talking about Christmas, and their Christmas was horrible. They usually have a great Christmas, but they had a horrible one because there was a new baby in the family that apparently was driving Aideen's father really crazy. And. And, you know, I understand that because I like babies on tv. So we have this conversation, and I say, you know, I hate the holidays, too. I hate, like, you know, Christmas. And I. Cause my mom. And I hate, like. But I tell them I like Thanksgiving because. And I'm lying, but I'm peacekeeping because I say, like, you know, I spend it with my family, and it's really nice, and the food's good, and it's not a religious holiday. So there's no, like, you know, there's no animosity. It's just that whole guilt about killing everybody in this country. But that's, you know, whatever. And so I don't mean whatever in a bad way. So I didn't do it. And so anyway, so we're sitting there having this conversation, and so he's like, oh, I've always liked the idea of Thanksgiving, too, for all those same reasons, but we don't celebrate. I'm like, well, you know, I know that I'm an American, but I know that much. And so we go to bed, and the next morning, I wake up and Patty's up, and he's excited about celebrating Thanksgiving. He wants to do it that day. He wants it to be his holiday, his everything. So I'm like, awesome. So he's like, let's go get a turkey. So we drive around Wicklow, where he lives, and there's no turkeys, and we drive. So I'm like, I remembered the Chinese food restaurant in Dublin they were serving. I saw somebody eating turkey. So we drive three hours to Dublin to go get a turkey at a Chinese restaurant for Thanksgiving to have in Wicklow. And, you know, whatever. So we do it. And I was just glad to be, like, he drove. It was awesome. So we get the turkey, and we're walking through, like, Dublin, and everybody's like, saying, hey, Patty. Hey, Patty. And I'm like, wow, man. Everybody. This guy's like the mayor or something. Hey. He's very nice. And so we get back to his house, and we sit down and we have, boom, big turkey. And he goes down to his wine cellar because he's got a really nice house. And he comes up from the wine cellar. He's like, ah, this is a bottle of wine that Mick Jagger gave me. I'm like, awesome. But not so much because it's Mick Jagger, just because it's alcohol and a little shaky. Mick shagger's nice, too. But he wasn't there. So we're drinking. I'm like, that's cool. That's cool. And then we go. We have finished that bottle of wine. He goes downstairs and he gets a bottle of, like, not scotch, but it was some other liquor, but I don't remember. And I don't want to make up a thing because I want to be truthful. And so he brings it up, and it was from Van Morrison. And I'm like, wow. Awesome, dude. Cool. And so now his mom and his. His daughter Aideen, who I was there with, we're starting to get a little mad because we're drinking and we're getting loud and we're, you know, making stuff up because we're drunk. And I go to the bathroom, and I'm walking down the hallway to the restroom, and there's pictures of Patty, and there's a picture of him with Bill Clinton, and there's a picture of him with Queen Elizabeth, and there's a picture of him with the Pope. And I'm like, awesome. I wonder what kind of alcohol they sent him. So I go in the bathroom. So I go in the bathroom, and I come back, and we sit down, and we start. And it turns out that Patty is the singer and founder of a band called the Chieftains. At the time, I'd heard of him, but I don't know. But after investigating, it's sort of like being with Dylan here. And so I'm not as cool as Dylan. He's a nice guy, though. So we're drinking and we're eating, and we're thanksing. And so finally, his wife, who was really, really cool, and his daughter Ajean, who I am now dear friends with, they decide to go to bed because they don't want to be around the alcoholics. He's not an alcoholic. So they go to bed, and they're like, before, you know, just, do not break out the ponchi. I'm like, all right, what's the ponchi? And they go to bed, and two seconds later, we're drinking ponchi. And ponchi is Irish moonshine, which is awesome. It's so much better than Uzo or anything that the south has ever produced. And I mean that one. So we start drinking, we get drunk, and then Patty says, you want to see my room with my Grammys and my Awards. I'm like, whatever. This is getting so. So we walk down the hallway past the Pope and Clinton and Queen, and we go into this room with all his awards. I'm like, wow, this is really nice. And he sits down at the piano, and he tells me that he's been unofficially commissioned by some members of their government to rewrite the Irish national anthem to have more of, like, a liberated from England feel to it, because they really still think they're liberated, which is. So we start singing. And I was trying to think of some of the lyrics that we wrote, but the punching was really good, so I don't remember. I do remember at one point thinking to myself, like, what rhymes with England sucks? And my first thought was Irish luck. But then I thought that might be offensive, so I never said it to him. But we did write some lyrics. We got really drunk. We passed out, like, 3, 2, 3, 4 in the morning. And I wake up the next morning around noon, early for me. And I come out of the room that I was staying at, and I'm wearing, like, a Yankee hat and a T shirt and with a rolling rug, faded label, and, like, you know, sweatpants. And I come walking into the living room, and there's the whole family by the fireplace, all dressed in their suits and everything, and they're being interviewed by the BBC. And I'm just like, oh, God, I need some water. So I try to skate around them, and Patty, who is the coolest guy in the world, pulls me over and introduces me to the reporter as his son. So I'm there on the BBC, and he, like, explains that I went to school in New York since young, so I don't have an Irish accent. I'm just like, hey, what's up? You know? And I'm sitting there, and I could see AD and just like, at this point, it was funny to everybody because it was just absurd. So it was a great trip. And I got back and, like, I stayed in touch with him via email. This Internet thing, really. So we stay in touch. And they came to New York, the Chieftains, to play Carnegie hall for St Patrick's Day a couple years ago. And they sent me tickets, so I invited my mom and we went. And afterwards, we went out to dinner with, like, a bunch of the Chieftains and some celebrity friends of his. And my mom was so impressed by it. And now every year, I go to my mom's house up in upstate New York, and we have St. Patrick's Day. And I don't know if I feel Irish, but like and I definitely still hate corned beef, but Patty every year sends me a bottle of ponchi from Ireland and I can get on board with that, you know. So I guess I'm Irish.
- [15:36]
Dan Kennedy
Brian Finkelstein is a comedic writer and performer whose one person show First Day off in a Long Time was selected for the HBO US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen and later it was developed as a pilot for Fox. Most recently Brian was an Emmy nominated writer for the Ellen DeGeneres Show. The moth is a non profit organization. I know you haven't heard me mention that before at all in the podcast, but consider supporting our free podcast or becoming a moth member. Two great reasons to hit the site. Visit it@themost.org and now you can also download the Moth podcast directly to your smartphone and listen on the go. Visit stitcher.com and you can download the free application there today.
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Rosetta Stone Advertiser
Our podcast host Dan Kennedy is the author of the book Rock An Office Power Ballad.
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Dan Kennedy
Learn more@rockonthebook.com thanks to all of you for listening. We hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Network Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange helping make public radio more public@prx.org.