The Moth Podcast Summary: Brian Finkelstein - "Perfect Moments"

Episode Title: Perfect Moments
Host: The Moth
Speaker: Brian Finkelstein
Release Date: September 3, 2013

Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The Moth, Brian Finkelstein shares his poignant journey as a volunteer at the Humanitarian Suicide Hotline. Through his candid storytelling, Brian delves deep into his personal struggles with addiction and mental health, culminating in a life-altering phone call that forever changed his perspective on life and suicide prevention.

Volunteering at the Humanitarian Suicide Hotline

Brian begins by explaining his initial involvement with the Humanitarian Suicide Hotline, highlighting the intensive training and high turnover rate among volunteers.

Brian Finkelstein [03:30]: "The standard commitment to work at the Humanitarian Suicide Hotline is six months. Most people work six months and then they leave quickly."

Despite the challenging environment, Brian remained committed for four years, driven by the hotline's motto: "Shut up and listen."

Brian Finkelstein [16:45]: "Shut up and listen. It’s exactly why I stayed there for four years. Because listening to people's problems on the phone, you start to feel to yourself, you know what? I don't have it so bad."

Personal Struggles and Past Experience

Brian candidly shares his own battle with addiction and a previous suicide attempt, providing a backdrop to his empathetic approach as a hotline volunteer.

Brian Finkelstein [05:50]: "Tracy was addicted to meth and I was addicted to Tracy. So Tracy would try to do the meth, I would try to do her. Neither one of us would ever be satisfied. That's addiction."

He recounts a moment of desperation when he attempted to take his own life by ingesting alcohol and loading his father's firearm, only to find a moment of clarity that saved him.

Brian Finkelstein [09:15]: "I sat there and I put the gun, and I was trying to contemplate doing it, and then tequila makes me a little dramatic. And I threw up. There's nothing that sort of snaps you out of a suicide impulse than throwing up on a gun."

This personal experience deeply influenced his dedication to helping others through the hotline.

The Critical Call: Amy's Story

The turning point in Brian's story revolves around a profound phone call with a young woman named Amy, whose struggle mirrored his own past.

Brian Finkelstein [12:30]: "Amy, do you feel so bad that you think about suicide? ... I said, Amy, have you taken any steps today to kill yourself?"

Throughout the call, Brian navigates Amy's wavering statements of despair, ultimately realizing the severity of her situation when she reveals she has taken 20 high-strength painkillers.

Brian Finkelstein [17:05]: "She told me she took 20 high strength painkillers. And I said, what kind of painkillers? ... I can only help you if you ask."

His shift partner, Adam, intervenes by contacting Poison Control and dispatching emergency services, leading to Amy's rescue. However, the emotional weight of the event lingers with Brian.

Aftermath and Reflection

Following Amy's death, Brian grapples with guilt and introspection, questioning his role in her final moments and reflecting on his own vulnerabilities.

Brian Finkelstein [18:40]: "People do. ... I obsess about it and I stayed up and I drank and I smoked and I drank coffee and I searched."

He learns that Amy's death was ruled accidental, a label that carries implications he finds deeply unsettling.

Brian Finkelstein [19:22]: "But what I didn't know was that I was, until that moment, that I was the last person to talk to her."

Brian acknowledges that, despite his efforts, Amy's struggles went unnoticed by those closest to her, highlighting systemic issues in recognizing and addressing mental health crises.

Insights on Life and Suicide Prevention

Brian concludes his narrative with a profound realization about the fleeting nature of life's beautiful moments amidst its inherent struggles.

Brian Finkelstein [20:00]: "There are these perfect life moments. And that's enough."

This acceptance underscores his message: while life is a blend of joy and pain, those perfect moments provide solace and meaning, even in the face of adversity.

Conclusion

Brian Finkelstein's "Perfect Moments" is a heart-wrenching yet hopeful exploration of personal struggle, the importance of active listening, and the fragile beauty of life. Through his vulnerability and honesty, Brian not only honors Amy's memory but also emphasizes the critical role of empathy and support in suicide prevention.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Brian Finkelstein [03:30]: "The standard commitment to work at the Humanitarian Suicide Hotline is six months. Most people work six months and then they leave quickly."

• Brian Finkelstein [05:50]: "That's addiction."

• Brian Finkelstein [09:15]: "There's nothing that sort of snaps you out of a suicide impulse than throwing up on a gun."

• Brian Finkelstein [12:30]: "Amy, do you feel so bad that you think about suicide?"

• Brian Finkelstein [16:45]: "Shut up and listen. It’s exactly why I stayed there for four years."

• Brian Finkelstein [17:05]: "I can only help you if you ask."

• Brian Finkelstein [18:40]: "I obsess about it..."

• Brian Finkelstein [20:00]: "There are these perfect life moments. And that's enough."

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