Transcript
Dan Kennedy (0:00)
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Catherine Smica (1:09)
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This week we have two stories for you on the podcast. The first one is in honor of Pride Weekend here in New York, we bring you a story from Catherine Smica that was told at a show we did in Seattle in 2013. The theme of that night was Detours. Here's Kathryn.
Sasha Chanoff (1:36)
So my father is a man of very few words, but there are three topics that really get him construction zones, traffic jams, and the Detroit Red Wings. So up until a few years ago, my relationship with my dad was not very interactive. When we talked, he would ask how things are going. And then I just list off everything in my life. My roommates, my friendships, my internships. And he'd listen quietly until he thought I was probably done, and then he'd say, okay, that sounds good. And those were our conversations. Like, wasn't a lot of conversing that happened. And mostly I would present him with information. He would take it in, acknowledge that he'd heard that information, and then pass the phone to my mom. And I didn't mind that. I actually found it kind of endearing. And, you know, we loved each other and that was enough. And I knew that both of my parents supported me, even if they didn't have a whole lot to say to me. And my whole life, I felt very at home with my mom and my dad, but I didn't always know how they'd react. Like when I decided it was time to tell them I didn't like boys, and so just completely lost my train of thought. I didn't like boys. And so, you know, coming out to your parents is gonna be really challenging and scary for anybody, but coming out to a parent who doesn't say many things is kind of terrifying. So it was the day that I moved home from college, and my dad drove the two hours to come pick me up. We put everything in the car, we get on the road, and we drive for, like, the first 90 minutes in a very peaceful silence. We listened to Journey's greatest hits. I opened up a big bag of lay's potato chips. Those are his favorite. And I prepared to tell him my big news because I had a very sneaky plan. I was planning to wait until we were, like, 10 minutes from the house, and then I was going to tell him all about being gay. And I never shut up. So that would take at least 10 minutes. By that time, we'd already be in the driveway. And we completely avoid talking about feelings or emotions or genders or anything that would make him uncomfortable. And this seemed like a really foolproof plan because it just involved me talking a lot, and, like, very few things could go wrong there. So I'm sitting in the car and I'm like, okay, Dad, I like girls. And for the first time in my entire life, I couldn't think of another thing to say. Like, there were no more things, and I hadn't prepared, like, a speech or anything because I thought it would just come to me in the moment, like word vomit, like it normally does. And. But the things that I was planning to tell my mom about, like, love and relationships and cute girls from my playwriting class, I knew my dad wouldn't want to hear about any of those things, so there was nothing else to say. And so I started panicking. And he didn't say anything, probably because he didn't know whether or not I was done, because that's kind of an awkward way to break any silence. And his typical like, okay, that sounds good, didn't really work in this situation. So he's panicking. And so the logical thing that I thought was, like, I'll just repeat myself. And so I said, I like girls. And so he's gripping the steering wheel. I'm so nervous, I think I'm going to throw up. And so, in a true state of pure terror, I said, did the Red Wings play last night? This is a true story. And so he launched one of the most elaborate descriptions of a hockey game I have ever experienced. And I'm sitting there thinking, like, everything's cool. Like, I'm fine. He's fine. We're cool. And, like, I just outed myself to my dad. Like, that's great. But before I could congratulate myself, I looked up and saw the one thing that every person in the Midwest associates with. Summertime orange construction cones. The highway ahead of us was closed for no reason at all. He's already out of things to say about the red wings. And we're about to take a very, very long detour. And I was like, fuck, now what do I do? And so I'm trying to think of what else is there to say? And he said, katherine, check out all this traffic. And I was like, yeah, tell me about all the traffic and the construction. And I was like, tell me about the cars and the gravel and the dirt and the road. So he starts, like, talking and talking and talking. And, like, we get off the highway on these long, windy roads. In my mind, I'm thinking, like, this is crazy. In this conversation, we have successfully detoured from gay stuff right over to hockey stuff and right into construction stuff and traffic stuff. And we'd never, ever have to talk about me being a lesbian, because why would we talk about that? We could talk about all these cars. It's like we're talking and talking and talking, and now we're actually pretty close to the house, and it's still really congested, which is weird because we're, like, miles past the construction and, like, lots of car talking. And he said, because all of the cars are on us. And he's like, I've never seen so many cars over here at this hour. And I was about to be like, yeah, well, tell me about the cars. And he said, I think everybody heard that my baby was coming home today. And I was like, oh. And I was thinking, like, are we about to have a real conversation? And I looked over at him, and he's just got this big smile on his face. And, like, everything about him, I could tell he just really wanted me to be happy. And he didn't quite know how to say that. So he just, like, kind of gave me, like, the dad nod and turned back towards the road. And in the back seat, I could hear, like, all of my moving boxes and, like, everything important, everything in the car just, like, settle into place. And I said, yeah, dad, it's really, really good to be home. Thank you.