Charlene Strong: It Wasn’t Enough - The Moth

The Moth Podcast Summary: "Charlene Strong: It Wasn’t Enough"

Introduction to Charlene Strong and Her Story

In the episode titled "It Wasn’t Enough," storyteller Charlene Strong shares a deeply personal and transformative journey that intertwines love, loss, and activism. Recorded live at The Moth in Seattle as part of the Characters Unite tour with USA Network, Charlene's narrative delves into themes of prejudice, power, and the quest for a more perfect union.

Early Life and Relationship with Her Father

Charlene begins by reflecting on her strained relationship with her father. She recounts the emotional turmoil she experienced upon his passing:

"[00:02:04] Charlene Strong: So I'm not sure that I was prepared for the flood of emotions that overcame me when I was holding my father as he died."

Despite their difficult relationship, Charlene yearned for reconciliation and closure, feeling the weight of unspoken words and unresolved tensions.

Volunteering and Meeting Kate

Seeking change and healing, Charlene moves back to Seattle and begins volunteering for the Humane Society. It is here that she meets Kate, a vibrant and engaging volunteer who becomes her close friend:

"[00:04:30] Charlene Strong: And one of the volunteers happened to be this woman that I instantly found to be engaging and a blast. And her name was Kate."

Their friendship blossoms, leading Charlene to realize her deepening feelings for Kate. This realization prompts her to confront her true self:

"[00:07:15] Charlene Strong: I need to tell you something. And she says, what's that? And I said, I'm gay."

Coming Out and Building a Life with Kate

Charlene bravely comes out to Kate, who responds with understanding and acceptance. This pivotal moment marks the beginning of a profound romantic relationship:

"[00:11:20] Charlene Strong: She says, hey, I really want you to spend the rest of your life with me because I too am finding that I'm caring for you. And I said, you bet."

Together, they navigate the challenges of societal expectations and personal identity, building a shared life filled with love and mutual support.

The Tragedy of the Flood and Kate's Death

Their life together takes a tragic turn when a severe storm, referred to as an "Asian cyclone," hits Seattle. Charlene recounts the harrowing experience of rescuing Kate from their flooded home:

"[00:13:45] Charlene Strong: And I get to the door of the hospital and I'm wanting to get back to her, the emergency room... And she died. And... And I said, I want you to take the intubation tube out, please."

Despite her heroic efforts, Kate succumbs to the flood, leaving Charlene devastated and grappling with overwhelming grief.

Activism and Fight for Family Rights

Kate's death ignites Charlene's passion for activism. Determined to honor Kate's memory, Charlene spearheads efforts to secure family rights, leading to significant legislative changes:

"[00:16:00] Charlene Strong: I told the Senate here, and I said, you gotta hear me, because this has gotta stop. And they heard me, and they passed a law in our state, 2 to 1, that we get rights."

Her relentless advocacy not only brings about legal reforms but also raises awareness about the rights of same-sex partners.

The Discovery of Kate's Final Message

As Charlene continues her activism, she receives a mysterious envelope containing a disc labeled "911 recordings." Despite warnings from friends and family, she listens to the recording, uncovering Kate's final message:

"[00:16:50] Charlene Strong: I hear her say, tell the operator, tell Charlene I love her. I love you, Charlene. I love you."

This poignant revelation provides Charlene with the closure she desperately needed, reinforcing Kate's enduring love and the importance of being a "light," "flame," and "beacon."

Conclusion: Insights and Legacy

Charlene Strong's story is a testament to resilience, love, and the profound impact one individual can have on societal change. Her journey from personal loss to becoming a pivotal figure in advocating for equality underscores the power of storytelling and activism in creating a more inclusive and just world.

"[00:17:02] Dan Kennedy: Charlene Strong is a human rights commissioner and advocate for equality. Her story and fight for family rights were critical in helping to pass landmark domestic partnership legislation in Washington state."

Charlene's legacy continues to inspire others to embrace their true selves and advocate for the rights of marginalized communities.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

Charlene Strong at 02:04:
"I wasn't quite sure what that was going to be, so I hopped a plane back to Seattle to my husband."
Charlene Strong at 11:20:
"She says, hey, I really want you to spend the rest of your life with me because I too am finding that I'm caring for you. And I said, you bet."
Charlene Strong at 17:02:
"Kate would say to herself, be a light, be a flame, be a beacon. And I thought, I know. She was a light and a flame and a beacon."

Final Thoughts

Charlene Strong's narrative encapsulates the essence of The Moth's mission: to share authentic, moving, and transformative true stories. Her journey from personal anguish to public advocacy highlights the universal themes of love, loss, and the pursuit of justice, resonating deeply with listeners and underscoring the profound impact of individual stories on collective consciousness.

Transcript

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Dan Kennedy (1:09)

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. Before we get to this week's story, we'd like to ask for your input. As some of you may know, every year a storyteller is awarded the Moth Award, which honors the art of raconteuring. Past recipients have included Garrison Keillor, Salman Rushdie, Anna Deavere Smith, and Calvin Trillin. We want to know who is your all time favorite raconteur. We'd love your help in choosing this year's recipient. Send your nominations to awardhemoth.org and thanks in advance. The story you're about to hear by Charlene Strong was recorded live at the Moth in Seattle and as part of our Characters Unite tour with USA Network, the theme of the night was a more perfect union, Stories of prejudice and power.

Charlene Strong (2:04)

So I'm not sure that I was prepared for the flood of emotions that overcame me when I was holding my father as he died. You see, we hadn't had the best relationship, and the hardest part about that was this darkness that I kept thinking would get better. And it didn't. In fact, it got worse because I never heard the words that I was looking I'm sorry I abused you. And so when my father died, I laid him back for the first time in a month and all the machines were quiet and I was suddenly alone with him. And I took his St Christopher medal off to give to my mom and I waited for the funeral director to come pick his body up. And I looked at him and I said, I gotta make some changes. And so I promised to myself that when I went back home, I would be making some changes. I wasn't quite sure what that was going to be, so I hopped a plane back to Seattle to my husband. And I decided that one of the things that would make me feel good was to start volunteering for the Humane Society. So I actually got roped into designing a clinic for people who were financially disabled by HIV aids. And I had many volunteers. And one of the volunteers happened to be this woman that I instantly found to be engaging and a blast. And her name was Kate. And we became fast and furious friends. And I found that when we were doing stuff for the clinic and stuff, that when I was with her, I was having the ball of just a ball. And then I found myself when I wasn't with her, all I could do was wonder what Kate's doing today. And thinking about Kate. And so one of the meetings we had, I asked her if after the meeting we could go sit and have a talk afterward. And she said, oh, sure. And I'm sure in her mind she was thinking, you know, I need to talk about. She needs to talk about her dad again. And so we pull up into the beautiful park up on top of Queen Anne Cary park, many of you know it, and it's got this stunning view. And. And I'm in my 81 Volvo station wagon. I turn it off, and it doesn't want to turn off. It just keeps going. And I'm like, this is great. And so finally, after it stops making its noise, I look at her and I said, I need to tell you something. And she says, what's that? And I said, I'm gay. And she goes, oh, oh, okay. And I said, but there's another part to this. And she said, and what is that? And I said, well, I'm finding myself caring for you. And she goes, oh. And I said. And she was like. And I waited to hear what she had to say. And she said, well, let me ask you one question. If I said no to this whole idea, would you still be gay? And I said, oh, absolutely. So I went home that night to my husband and I told him I said, I'm gay. And that's another story. But I set off on my new adventure and I moved into an apartment, and I found myself spending more time at Kate's apartment that I, in true lesbian fashion, packed up my U Haul and moved right into her 400 square foot apartment. And it was great because I had always felt this just deep, deep sadness and this darkness in my heart that I wasn't being the person that I knew I was and that I knew I could be. And all of a sudden I kind of was like, well, this is kind of fun. And we had game nights and I thought, that's great. So we have a bunch of friends over, we have two teams, and we're playing this game called Taboo. And so the game in Taboo is that you have a word above the line and then you have five words below the line that you don't want your team to say or they don't get the word. And so I go, and I'm very, very sick with the respiratory affection. I sound like the queen of England. And I go, I am often this. And in rapid fire succession, I hear sick, tired, pissed off, angry. And I'm like, no, I'm clumsy. And it was this moment of clarity. I thought, am I sick, tired, pissed off and angry? Could be. And so then I realized that 400 square feet had its limitations, especially when you have gas. And I had just one of those nights. And so I said, I'm going to bed, which was across the room. And, well, it started to get worse. And she comes walking by and it was like. And I. Before I. I was trying to, like, find something to say really quick. And I went, sorry, I pooted, I coughed and I tooted. And she walks by without missing a beat. And she goes, Dr. Seuss, get out of my bed, you flutey. Flute, Fluted. And that was just the way it was. We laughed. And it was really starting to affect this darkness and this pain. So much to my surprise, she said, hey, I really want you to spend the rest of your life with me because I too am finding that I'm caring for you. And I said, you bet. And so she said, you know, I know the church doesn't really want us to do that, so why don't we make up our own kind of pre marriage counseling? And I said, great idea. So one weekend we decided we would write down our five top five core values. Easy enough. She goes to that side of the room, I go to that side of the room and we come back and I go, you go first. And she goes, number one, always be kind. And I'm like, are you kidding me? Because my number four was be kind when you can. And there was really nowhere to go from there. And she just looked at me like, oh, honey. But she just knew that was just me. And it didn't matter. And it didn't matter every day. And so we bought this house, and it was perfect because she was able to record her audio books, which she did quite well. And I worked and I worked and I worked on this house, and I made it this beautiful little cottage in the woods at 538 30th Ave. East. And I was loving it, and my heart was starting to feel some light. And I'm like, I'm digging this. And then something happened that is quite unimaginable. A very bad storm came into Seattle, and it was much like a hurricane in my mind. They. They actually called it an Asian cyclone. And it had a lot of rain. And I had walked home that evening from work with my brother, and I stopped in at his house because I was completely drenched from head to toe. And I was waiting for Kate to finish a business meeting, and then she was going to come pick me up a mile away at my brother's house. And then I get a phone call from her, and she says, I need you to come home. There's water coming in the basement. And I went, what? So I just quickly got dressed, and I said, my brother, I said, I gotta go. There's water coming in the basement. He's like, do you want me to come? And I said, no, just wait here. So I start running home. And then I get another phone call, and she sounds concerned, and she says, how far away are you? And I said, sweetie, I'm running as fast as I can go. What's up? And she said, and I'm kind of annoyed that she's calling me, and I'm running and I'm drenched and I'm, you know. And in true fashion. And she says, something has fallen in front of the door and I can't get out. And I said, I'm almost there. And I start hauling ass. And I round the corner on our street, and I can't imagine what I'm seeing. There's water everywhere, and there's this whitewater rapid coming down our street on the side there. And my neighbor is trapped in their house and telling me Kate's in there. And I open the front door, and my little dog Pepper comes out and is swimming in the street. My dog is swimming in the street. And I'm like, what the. And so I grab her and I put her on the couch, and I hear Kate calling for me, but all I can hear is water, water, water, just rushing water. And I run down the stairs, and she says, I need you to get me out. I Need you to be my hero and get me out. So I start removing the pins on the doors and water's here. And I get to the third one and I can't budget. And I run up the stairs and I grab a knife off of the butcher block and I run back down and I think I can cut through the sheetrock. And then the water goes over my head and I'm in there too. And I get out and I run upstairs and I think there's a heater vent. I'll just stomp through that heater vent and I'll get her head out and I'll hold her there till the firefighters come. And then I realized that's not going to work. So I run outside and I'm like, somebody help me. And there was no one in the world. It was like I was the only person left in the earth. On this earth. And I'm screaming and I can't believe it's my screams. I've never heard myself scream like that. And this man comes running across the street and I said, I need your cell phone. My cell phone went underwater. And he hands me a cell phone and I call my brother and I say, jeff, Kate's drowning. Get here now. And he shows up. And then the fire truck comes and then there's a dive team, a dive team. And they wind up pulling me out of the house because I'm hypothermic. And they take me next door to put clothes on of my neighbor's kid. And Jeff is in there and the firefighters have to cut the entire floor out of our bedroom. And a firefighter jumps in the water and finds her and brings her out. And Jeff comes running at me and he says, they've got her breathing, they're taking her to Harborview. And I go, let's go. And we get in the car and he's driving like a maniac. And I'm like, jeff, don't kill me before I get there. And he's going up streets the wrong way and on sidewalks and he gets me there and I just take out of the car. Now, mind you, I look a little crazy because I have these huge Sweats and size 13 boys, high top basketball shoes and my hair is caked with mud. And I get to the door of the hospital and I'm wanting to get back to her, the emergency room. This woman says, and who are you? And I said, I'm Charlene, I'm Kate's partner. I need to get in there now. And she says, well, now wait a Minute. Now, just hold on a second. And I'm thinking, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, I need to get in there. Who the hell are you? And she says, we need to get someone on the phone that will allow you to be in there. And by this time, Jeff's standing by me, and I'm looking at him like, am I hearing a different language? Is this woman speaking English? I don't understand her all of a sudden. And what I realized she's saying is, I don't count. So I find a cell phone, and I have to call information, and I don't know how to spell Kate's sister's married last name. So I'm like, no, it's R U, E S. No, it's R E, U. And I finally get it, and I say, maude, you gotta tell them I gotta get in there. And I hand this phone over, and it was like, wait a minute. You'll take the word of a cell phone over me standing here, who's had 10 years of their life with this person? And I get to her, and they tell me it's not good. And so they move her to icu, and they say, are you staying the night? And I said, you couldn't pry me off. And then she died. And. And I said, I want you to take the intubation tube out, please. And the nurse said, I can't. And I said, let me say it again. I want you to take the intubation tube out. And she said, charlene, we can't. And I said, you don't understand. I need to kiss her goodbye. And I said, can you at least get me a priest? We can't find a priest. Can you get me some oil? And they bring in this jar, and it's the most beautiful green jar, and it has oil. So I do what a priest should have done. I anoint her head and her hands and her feet. And then I just lay my head on her chest. And the darkness comes back, and I'm like, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough. How could you do this to me? It wasn't enough. And so I thought, I'm mad. I gotta do something. And so I told the Senate here, and I said, you gotta hear me, because this has gotta stop. And they heard me, and they passed a law in our state, 2 to 1, that we get rights. But it wasn't enough. And I met the president, and I got to go meet Governor Gregoire in her office, and we talked, and I kept meeting all these celebrities And I kept traveling all over and I made a documentary film. And I'm, you know. And then all of a sudden, in the midst of this, this envelope shows up and it says the city of Seattle. I'm like, what the hell? So I open it and there's a disc and it says, 911 recordings. I'm like, oh, hell. And I refused to open it. And my brother's like, don't listen to it. My therapist, my friends, everyone's like, don't listen to the tape. And I'm like, all right, all right, all right. And I'm just going through the motions, trying to see if I can do something about this darkness that's just eating me. And her aunt calls me after the signing of the bill to tell me how proud she is of me. And she was the aunt that had officiated our wedding. She had been a nun for 16 years. And she said, Charlene, you know what she said? I wanted you to know that I kept every single email that Kate ever wrote me. And in one of them, Kate said that she had a mantra that she would say to herself before she went on the stage. I said, well, what is it? She said Kate would say to herself, be a light, be a flame, be a beacon. And I thought, I know. She was a light and a flame and a beacon. And it just came home even harder and the darkness got worse. And then one day I just wanted to hear her voice. And I ripped open the cassette or the box that the CD was in and I threw it in the machine. And I start hearing it. And then I hear her voice and I hear her say, tell to the operator, tell Charlene I love her. I love you, Charlene. I love you. And I finally came to realize that she was telling me that I could be a light and a flame and a beacon.