Podcast Summary: "Dan Kennedy: And How Does That Make You Feel?"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Moth
• Host/Author: The Moth
• Episode: Dan Kennedy: And How Does That Make You Feel?
• Release Date: May 31, 2010

Summary by [Your Name]

Introduction

In the poignant episode titled "And How Does That Make You Feel?", storyteller Dan Kennedy shares a deeply personal narrative about his journey through therapy, the profound impact of his therapist Milton, and the unexpected tragedy that reshaped his understanding of life and mental health. This story, presented live at The Moth main stage in 2010, explores themes of vulnerability, healing, and the enduring influence of meaningful relationships.

Dan's Struggles in 1998

Dan Kennedy begins by painting a vivid picture of his life in 1998, marked by professional dissatisfaction and personal turmoil. He describes himself as entrenched in a "9 to 5 job that I hated" and stuck in a "terrible relationship" (00:30). Despite being surrounded by friends who were steadily improving their lives—better jobs, stronger relationships, and enhanced living conditions—Dan felt as though he was "living backwards," with his own circumstances deteriorating both personally and professionally.

Seeking Help: Finding Milton

Motivated by his friends' positive transformations through therapy, Dan becomes determined to seek professional help. He notes, "Maybe I should find out what's up with these guys," leading him to schedule an appointment with Milton, a licensed social worker known among his friends (04:15).

Therapy Sessions with Milton

Upon meeting Milton, Dan is struck by his therapist’s unique demeanor—described as a "real southern gentleman," lanky, and impeccably dressed (05:00). Unlike traditional therapists, Milton employs humor as a central component of his counseling approach. Dan shares, "He largely involves making jokes about me. And I kind of get the point through this humor" (07:45). This unconventional method resonates with Dan, who appreciates a more pragmatic approach to therapy.

Milton's Unique Approach

Milton's sessions are characterized by a blend of humor and practical advice. For instance, when discussing Dan's inability to say no, Milton offers a humorous yet insightful response: "Have you ever read A Thousand Times No?" (12:30). This moment exemplifies how Milton uses levity to address serious issues, helping Dan to recognize and confront his behavioral patterns.

Milton also encourages emotional expression in unconventional ways. He instructs Dan to "put on some sad music, get a towel or a handkerchief, and sit down... let the feelings come. And then you move on" (14:50). This method initially feels awkward to Dan, but he gradually understands its value in processing emotions.

Unexpected Tragedy: Milton's Death

A turning point in Dan's story occurs on February 15th, Valentine's Day— a day that already holds emotional weight for him. Dan arrives early for his session, only to find Milton unresponsive in his bathrobe (09:30). In a state of shock and confusion, Dan contacts emergency services, witnesses Milton’s passing, and is left to grapple with immediate grief (11:20).

Processing Grief and Moving Forward

In the aftermath, Dan experiences numbness for a week, struggling to comprehend Milton's absence. Reflecting on Milton's teachings about the finiteness of time and the importance of taking action, Dan begins to process his grief. He recounts, "He said, days are finite. We only have so many. And I kind of look at him and I think, certainly drove that home in this session" (15:00).

Dan attempts to apply Milton’s techniques to his grief. Despite initial reluctance, he follows Milton’s advice to "put on some sad music" and allow himself to feel his emotions, ultimately finding a path forward (16:00).

Reflection on Milton's Impact

Dan reflects on the profound influence Milton had on his life. He acknowledges the positive changes he achieved through therapy—cessation of drinking, progress in his writing career, and the establishment of a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Dan mentions, "I'll be dedicating [my first book] to him" (14:10), highlighting Milton's enduring legacy in his personal and professional growth.

Conclusion

Dan Kennedy's heartfelt story underscores the transformative power of authentic human connections and the essential role of mental health support. Through his relationship with Milton, Dan illustrates the delicate balance between humor and vulnerability in healing. The episode serves as a testament to how one person's guidance can leave an indelible mark, shaping the contours of another's life even in their absence.

Notable Quotes:

• "Maybe I should have a better plan for my mental health than just bumping into this guy at parties." — Dan Kennedy (02:20)
• "He largely involves making jokes about me. And I kind of get the point through this humor." — Dan Kennedy (07:45)
• "Have you ever read A Thousand Times No?" — Milton (12:30)
• "Days are finite. We only have so many. And I kind of look at him and I think, certainly drove that home in this session." — Dan Kennedy (15:00)

Sections:

1. Introduction
2. Dan's Struggles in 1998
3. Seeking Help: Finding Milton
4. Therapy Sessions with Milton
5. Milton's Unique Approach
6. Unexpected Tragedy: Milton's Death
7. Processing Grief and Moving Forward
8. Reflection on Milton's Impact
9. Conclusion

This structured summary captures the essence of Dan Kennedy's moving story, highlighting the key moments and emotional beats that make his experience both relatable and inspiring for listeners.