Dina Pearlman: 30 Days Off Crack… And Cute

Summary

Summary of "Dina Pearlman: 30 Days Off Crack… And Cute"

Introduction and Context

In this compelling episode of The Moth, storyteller Dina Pearlman recounts a deeply personal and transformative experience from her early twenties in New York City. Recorded live at the Moth MainStage in 2002, Dina's narrative delves into themes of loneliness, the search for love, and the complexities of human relationships.

The Breakup and Desire for a Boyfriend

Dina begins her story by setting the scene: "It was 10:30 on a Thursday night, and I was in my apartment and I had just hung up the phone" ([02:43]). She describes the cyclical nature of her romantic failures, having been "broken up with yet again by one in a string of many five foot seven Rogaine rubbing Nintendo, playing Beastie Boys, listening Hamptons traipsing New York assholes." Despite not genuinely liking these men, Dina reveals her underlying motive: "I wanted one thing from them. Just one thing. I wanted a boyfriend." She emphasizes the societal pressure she felt to have a boyfriend for legitimacy among her peers: "Having a boyfriend gives you some legitimacy, you know, it gives you…

Seeking Solace in AA Meetings

Feeling despondent after yet another breakup, Dina decides to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting, despite not being an alcoholic: "I was playing the recovery card." She explains that she was actually dealing with food issues and lacked late-night support groups, leading her to AA. At the meeting, she describes the typical atmosphere and her interactions: "I feel a tug at my sleeve and I turn around and there's this guy... he asked me if I would like to go out for coffee."

Meeting Steve Rubenstein

Dina introduces Steve Rubenstein, a man who appears both alluring and troubled: "His name was Steve Rubenstein, and he was 30 days off crack." She vividly describes his appearance and demeanor: "He had a floor-length leather jacket and... cowboy boots... he had that weathered sort of port of authority look to him." Despite her initial repulsion, Dina is drawn to Steve because of his genuine interest in her: "Steve called. Hello, Dina, it's Steve." This contrasts with her previous dating experiences where men seldom reached out.

The Developing Relationship

As Dina and Steve begin dating, she shares details that highlight both the allure and the underlying issues in their relationship. Steve's persistence and charm are evident when he picks her up in luxurious Mercedes Benz cars and tries to impress her with subtle quirks: "Do you notice the difference between this Mustang and the black one?" (though she shows indifference). Dina reflects on her hopes, thinking "this could be the one," despite Steve's recent struggles with addiction.

Realization and Conclusion

The turning point in Dina's story occurs when Steve's intentions become clear. While in the car, Steve openly expresses his desire for a physical relationship: "I feel like fucking my girlfriend, if that's okay with you." Dina experiences a moment of clarity and repulsion, realizing that Steve's definition of their relationship doesn't align with her own: [10:51] "Steve just called me his girlfriend. Thank you." This revelation underscores the disparity between Dina's desire for a meaningful relationship and Steve's approach.

Insights and Themes

Dina's story is a poignant exploration of the vulnerabilities that come with seeking connection and the façades people maintain to secure relationships. Her initial attraction to Steve, despite his flaws, highlights the human tendency to overlook red flags in pursuit of companionship. The narrative also touches on the societal pressures of adulthood in a bustling city like New York, where having a partner is often equated with personal success and legitimacy.

Notable Quotes

• "I wanted one thing from them. Just one thing. I wanted a boyfriend." ([02:43])

• "Having a boyfriend gives you some legitimacy, you know, it gives you… Owning property. This, this is my boyfriend." ([02:43])

• "Hello, Dina, it's Steve." ([02:43])

• "I feel like fucking my girlfriend, if that's okay with you." ([10:51])

Conclusion

Dina Pearlman's narrative offers a raw and honest glimpse into the complexities of seeking love and the inevitable disappointments that can arise. Her storytelling captures the essence of The Moth's mission to share authentic, unfiltered human experiences, leaving listeners with a deeper understanding of the emotional landscapes we navigate in search of connection.

Transcript

[Dan Kennedy]

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[Jay Allison]

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. The Moth features true stories told live without notes, and all stories on the podcast are taken from our ongoing storytelling series in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and Detroit, and from our tour shows across the country. Visit themoth.org this is Jay Allison.

[Dina Pearlman]

I'm going to come right back after the story to talk about how you can pitch your story to the Moth Radio Hour. So if that's interesting to you, keep listening after the applause.

[Jay Allison]

This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 75,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times bestsellers. One audiobook to consider is Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, A Modest Bestiary by David Sedaris. Always hilarious and oftentimes touching, Sedaris once again delivers a collection of essays that will have you laughing out loud as he takes his unique and offbeat observations to the animal world. That's Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk David Sedaris Available from Audible to try Audible free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.comthemost that's audible.comthemost the story you're about to hear by Dena Pearlman was recorded live at the Moth MainStage back in 2002. The theme of the night was Hitting stories from the lower depths.

[Dina Pearlman]

It was 10:30 on a Thursday night, and I was in my apartment and I had just hung up the phone. I had been broken up with yet again by one in a string of many five foot seven Rogaine rubbing Nintendo, playing Beastie Boys, listening Hamptons traipsing New York assholes, frankly. And I had had it. I had really had it. And I had had it because to tell you the truth, I didn't even really, really like any of these guys. Looking back, I didn't like any of them. But I wanted one thing from them. Just one thing. I wanted a boyfriend. Ladies and gentlemen, when you're in your 20s and you're in New York and all your friends have like, having a boyfriend gives you some legitimacy, you know, it gives you. You can say, oh, have you met my boyfriend? You know, it's like owning property. This, this is my boyfriend. My boyfriend is taking me out for my birthday. My boyfriend is taking me out for Valentine's. My boyfriend, my boy like boyfriend. But the New York men, the New York men didn't want to. No one wants to commit. You know, they get the willies and they get all freaked out. And I couldn't get someone to be, maybe that's my boyfriend. I couldn't get someone to be my boyfriend. And so I hung up the phone and I was very depressed and I decided I was going to go to an AA meeting. I wasn't actually in aa. I was in OA over Eaters Anonymous. But OA didn't have any meetings late at night when I did the bulk of my problem eating. And so I decided that I would go to an AA meeting. I had done this a lot when you're lonesome, you know. So anyway, I show up at the 11 o'clock AA meeting over at Our lady of Pity on 79th Street. And you know, I go over there and I head into the church basement. Everyone is smoking and I pull up a chair and I listen to some former prize fighter's tale of woe. He killed a man with his bare hands. I don't know, you know the drill. And anyway, I'm putting my coat on to leave and I feel a tug at my sleeve and I turn around and there's this guy, he's about my height, he. And he's in a floor length leather jacket and he's got, you know, those cowboy boots, they were very big in like the early 80s with the metal tip. He's got that doing. And he had kind of a weathered sort of port of authority look to him, you know. And he said to me in this way. He said, hey, what's a nice girl like you doing in a dump like this? He didn't have cerebral palsy, but he had, like a palsied affect, you know, like a twitch. So he asked me if I would like to go out for coffee. And of course, I accepted. And we got to know each other. His name was Steve Rubenstein, and he was 30 days off crack, and. All right, all right, that's a start. And he asked for my phone number, and of course, I provided it. And he called me that night and he said, dean, I just want to say I think you're a really special girl. And then he called me the next day, and he asked me if I would have dinner with him the next day. And I said, absolutely. And he picked me up in a Mercedes Benz. And then the next day we went out for dinner again, and he picked me up in a different Mercedes Benz. And he. You know, the leather jacket and everything. And he said to me, he said, dina, do you notice the difference between this Ms. 80s and the black one? And I said, no. And he said, this one purrs. And I think of him saying that, and I was repulsed. I was repulsed by him. But I thought to myself, this could be the one. Like, here he was, you know, calling, and this could be the one. Because, you know something, he was 30 days off crack notwithstanding. Steve Rubenstein, first of all, he was Jewish. And at the time, that was important to me, various reasons. But also, Steve called. Like, he called because when I got together with my friends for Chinese food and they all had boyfriends, and they would say, so, Dina, did he call? And of course, I'd always say no. And then they'd have to give me that speech about how it's not you, you know, it's. Something must have happened at work. He's busy with other things. No, it is you. Like, it's you. You did. I did something to. Something however small, to annoy him. You know, I was sitting in the cab and I started singing one on one, I wanna play. Like, that was all it had to be. And that was it. You never heard from the person again. That was it. But Steve called. Hello, Dina, it's Steve. All right, fine. But he called. Now, I had been able to keep Steve at bay sexually for about three weeks because, you know, I was playing the recovery card. You know what I mean? Like, look, you know, we're both going through changes. You're 30 days off the pipe. I have my food issues. Let's just, you know. And he was Buying into it. And everything was okay for about three weeks there. But finally, at the end of three weeks, you know, it was time to pay the piper. He. Steve had needs, and he wanted them fulfilled. It's a literary event, so I'm trying to dance around, but. All right, so we're driving in the Mercedes, and Steve has his hand on my knee, and it was spindly and cold, and. And he says he wants to go to my place. And at the time, I was living with a very surly taxi driver in his late 60s. He was a guy I knew through a guy I knew. I ended up in this apartment, and I knew he wouldn't take kindly to Steve. And then Steve suggested that we go to his place. But I had been there once before, and it was like the typical 80s cocaine guy kind of apartment with all the black lacquer furniture, and he had that Nagel print from the Duran Duran album over the bed. And I. The thought of going back there, I couldn't. I just. And waking up there was so horrible. So he suggested that we pull into a parking lot on the west side Highway. So he pulls into the parking lot, and he rolls down the window, and he says to the attendant, he says. He says, listen, I want to park all the way at the back of the water, right by the water, right? And the attendant says, well, what for? And Steve says. He says, I feel like fucking my girlfriend, if that's okay with you. And the attendant, like, looks at me, and I'm looking down and I'm staring at my knees, and I'm thinking, oh, my God, Steve just called me his girlfriend. Thank you.

[Jay Allison]

Dina is an actress, comedian, and writer in New York.

[Dina Pearlman]

She.

[Jay Allison]

She's been seen on Sex and the City and in three Spike Lee movies. Deena's been performing with the moth since 2003 and is currently at work on a memoir. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 75,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature, including fiction, nonfiction, and periodicals. To try Audible Free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com themoth I'm Jay Allison, back.

[Dina Pearlman]

As promised, to tell you that we're looking for you to pitch us your stories for the Moth radio hour. The new season has lots of your pitches embedded right in the radio show, and they're great. We're going to have a vote and invite the winner to tell a story on stage. You can find out all about [e-mail] and you can find out when your public radio station is airing the show by asking them. The radio series is produced by The Moth and Me, Jay Allison @ Atlantic Public Media up here on Cape Cod and distributed by the public radio exchange.

[Jay Allison]

Prx.org the Moth is a nonprofit organization. Consider supporting our free podcast by going to our podcast contribution page or by becoming a moth [e-mail] Our podcast host.

[Dan Kennedy]

Dan Kennedy is the author of the book Rock An Office Power Ballad. Learn [e-mail] thanks to all of you.

[Jay Allison]

For listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange Helping make public radio more [e-mail].