Podcast Summary: Elna Baker – "The Funny One"

Podcast: The Moth
Host: The Moth
Episode Title: Elna Baker: The Funny One
Release Date: December 15, 2008

Introduction to Elna Baker's Story

In this heartfelt and humorous installment of The Moth Podcast, Elna Baker shares her intricate journey of self-discovery amidst a bustling family dynamic. Recorded live at the Moth Story Slam, Elna delves into her upbringing, the roles each family member played, and the transformative experiences that reshaped her identity.

Family Dynamics and Roles

Elna begins by painting a vivid picture of her family of seven, where each member embodied a distinct role:

"Five kids and then my parents and my older sister's role. She's the perfect and the pretty child. And then I was the funny kid..." (02:15)

Growing up with young parents who married in their early twenties, Elna describes her childhood as being more of an "experiment" than that of typical kids. The family adhered to predefined roles to maintain harmony and identity within the large household.

Extensive Family Travels

Elna recounts her family's move to Spain, a decision that catapulted them into extensive global travels. Her parents, eager to expose their children to the world, turned each weekend into an adventure:

"One summer we went to 25 countries. And that same summer we drove down to Africa." (04:10)

In Africa, Elna and her siblings were sent to work in a carpet factory, an experience that was both bewildering and eye-opening for her young mind. This period instilled in her a profound appreciation for her own life's privileges.

Elna's Weight Loss Journey

Fast forward to three years prior to the podcast recording, Elna embarked on a significant weight loss journey, shedding from a size 20 to a size 6:

"I went from having people treat me one way to people treating me a completely different way." (06:45)

This transformation altered not only her physical appearance but also her social interactions, leading to mixed emotions as she navigated newfound attention and questioned her true self amidst the changes.

The Cyprus Family Reunion

Elna's desire to reconnect with her family after her weight loss leads her to Cyprus. Anxious about how her family would perceive her new self, she boards the plane with trepidation:

"What if my family is like the rest of the world? What if they treat me differently now that I look so different?" (08:30)

Upon reunion, the initial stunned silence from her family gives way to familiar interactions, but Elna grapples with her yearning to be seen differently:

"I am pretty now." (09:15)

This moment encapsulates her internal struggle between her past role as "the funny one" and her aspirations to redefine herself.

Conflicts and Realizations

The family vacation in Cyprus becomes a crucible for Elna's self-exploration. Incidents such as her mother's mixed-up directions leading them to a cliff-high road—and their collective fear of driving off—highlight the underlying tensions:

"All of a sudden, I guess one of the signs was pointing down this cliff, but no one in the back knew." (10:05)

Elna experiences a poignant moment of vulnerability during a meltdown over her diet restrictions, feeling unheard and alienated:

"No one listens to me. I've changed. I'm a grown up now." (10:50)

However, the day concludes with the family discovering the serene Adonis Bath, where they revel in uninhibited joy, allowing Elna to reconnect with her true self amidst her family's unchanging support.

Conclusion and Reflections

Elna wraps up her narrative by reflecting on the enduring bonds within her family, despite personal transformations:

"We just spent the day as a family being whoever we were." (11:00)

A touching anecdote about the family's white leather couch, adorned with Sharpie doodles, symbolizes their shared memories and enduring relationships. Her brother's notes—"Tina's the pretty sister," "you're not funny," and "Good job"—serve as a humorous yet heartfelt reminder of their individual roles and unconditional love.

Notable Quotes

Elna Baker:
- "All grown up, how my family treats me now isn't exactly what I thought I wanted." (07:30)
- "I'm not the pretty child, so who am I?" (10:20)
Dan Kennedy (Host):
- "This week's story by Elna Baker was recorded live at the Moth Story Slam..." (01:58)

Final Thoughts

Elna Baker's story is a compelling exploration of identity, family dynamics, and the quest for self-acceptance. Through humor and vulnerability, she navigates the complexities of growing up within a large, closely-knit family and the personal transformations that challenge her established roles. This episode of The Moth beautifully encapsulates the tension between change and continuity, offering listeners both laughter and poignant reflections on what it means to truly know oneself.

Transcript

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Dan Kennedy (1:21)

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. Hi, I'm Dan Kennedy. The Moth features true stories told live without notes. All stories on the Moth Podcast are taken from our ongoing storytelling series in New York and Los Angeles and from our tour shows across the country. Visit themoth.org this podcast is brought to you by liveperson.com liveperson.com, a world of Experts. This week's story by Elna Baker was recorded live at the Moth Story Slam, our weekly storytelling competition which offers five minute slots to anyone with a story to tell.

Elna Baker (1:58)

Hi. So I come from a family of five and every member of our family, we have our own respective roles that we play. Five kids and then my parents and my older sister's role. She's the perfect and the pretty child. And then I was the funny kid and then Julia is sarcastic and Britain's the boy and Jill is the baby. And you know, that's the roles that we would play in this family. And my parents were young when they had us. My parents got married when they were 20 and 21 and they immediately had five kids. And growing up with young parents, it's like, you're not kids, you're an experiment. And I remember my dad coming up from work one day and he was like, do you guys know what serial killers are? And we were like, no. And he was like, you guys are. And he piled all five of us into the van and we went to Fred Meyer and We got to pick out whatever cereal we wanted. And then we bought masks and water guns and we went to all my parents friends houses, and we'd knock on the door, and then when they'd open, we were like, put your hands up for the serial killers. And then we'd force them to eat cereal. And that was just normal for my parents. But then something happened. When my sister, my oldest sister was 11, everything changed. We come from this small town in Washington state, and my dad all of a sudden got this job that moved our family to Spain. And they'd never been outside of the United States, and they were thrilled. So we would. Every weekend they would pile us into the van and we would just go all over because my parents had never seen the world. And one summer we went to 25 countries. And that same summer we drove down to Africa. And they would just go to a country and they'd be like, what? Hungary is next door. Let's go. So we drove down to Africa, and I still remember this. You know, it's like they were very dedicated to all five of us kids figuring out how to be our own person. And when we were in Africa, they took us to a carpet factory and they paid the people to make us work because they had all these kids that were working in the factory. So they dropped us off at a factory and we worked in an assembly line. And I didn't understand it at that time. I just was like, this is a really bad day. But what I learned was that I could not take my life for granted because other kids didn't get to have my life. And in spite of all these experiences, we still kept to these respective roles. My role being I was the funny one. And the reason I was the funny one is that I was this chubby kid, and my way of getting attention was by being funny. And as I grew up, I was still chubby. At my highest, I weighed about 250 pounds. And then three years ago, I went on a diet and I lost all that weight. And while I was on this diet, I didn't see my family. I was living in New York City, and all of a sudden, basically, I went from a size 20 to a size 6, which changes the way the entire world sees you, just in case you're wondering. And I went from having people treat me one way to people treating me a completely different way. And as happy as it was for me to get attention or to have people treat me well, it was really, I would say, a jading experience because I knew they hadn't treated me that way before. And so when I found out that my parents wanted to go on a family trip to Cyprus, I thought, this is exactly what I need. I need to see my family again, and I need to check in with who I really am. And so as I boarded that airplane, I had all this anxiety. What if my family is like the rest of the world? What if they treat me differently now that I look so different? And when I got off the airplane and they saw me for the first time, I mean, literally, their jaws dropped. I thought that was an expression. But they. All of them at the same time. And for probably about the first hour, it was like my family at a distance. Like, they were just watching me and trying to be like, okay, that person is Elna. And when she moves and says this, that's what Elna looks like. And then about an hour into it, I gulped down my water bottle, and my dad made fun of how I was drinking, and then I spilled, and then everyone was laughing. And next thing I knew, they were treating me exactly the same, which is what I thought I wanted, but it wasn't. I wanted to be the pretty child now. And this became very clear the first day of our family vacation. We went to this restaurant, and the man who owned the restaurant came up to our table, and he looked at my sister, and he said, you're so beautiful. And for a second, I thought he was talking to me. And then when I realized it was her, I was like, oh. And so we went back to the back of the restaurant, and he brought out this gold necklace, which was hideous. And he presented it to my sister, and I was filled with jealousy. I was like, I want that gold necklace. And we walked out of the restaurant, and the sarcastic sister said, I guess Tina will always be the pretty one. And I, in a voice so very much like Frankenstein, said, no, I am pretty now. And then the second day of our trip, we're in the car as a family, and we're driving down the road, and I make a joke. My dad was talking about elephants, and I was like, elephants are elephant. Not a very good joke. Not the funniest thing I've ever said. And sarcastic sister turns to me, and she says, elna, you're not funny. And I completely lost it, because all of a sudden, I was like, she's right. I'm not funny. But I'm also not the pretty child, so who am I? And I started sobbing audibly, and my dad was like, elna, you are funny. You're hysterical. And then the Third day of the trip, I meanwhile, I was on this diet. And so it got to be 1:00, and I had been eating every day. I would eat at one. And I said, it's one. I need to eat. And no one listened to me. And we went to this faraway town and I was like, it's two. I needed to eat at one. And then every shop was closed and there was nowhere for me to eat. And I had a complete meltdown. And I sat down and I said, I'm not moving because no one listens to me. And my family left me and I sat there on the street in the middle. And then eventually they sent my brother back and they'd found a Kentucky Fried Chicken that was open. And I was like, great, because. Because when you're on a diet, all you want is Kentucky Fried Chicken. So they take me to Kentucky Fried Chicken and they sit a plate in front of me and I sort of move the food around, trying to find things that I can actually eat. And my father says, good job. Which I guess what he meant was, good job trying to stick to your diet even though you're starving. But what I thought he meant by that was, good job. You throw a fit, you get what you want. And so I took the plate of fried food and I threw it across the table and I said, aye. No one listens to me. I've changed. I'm a grown up now. When I say I eat at one, I eat at one. So we get in the car and we're supposed to go to this place called the Aphrodite Rock, but my mother keeps following signs for something called Adonis Bath, which we don't realize until two hours later. And at that point we're like, fine, we'll go there. And as we're approaching, there's a cliff and a ledge off this cliff, which is a steep road. And it's quiet in the car. And all of a sudden, I guess one of the signs was pointing down this cliff, but no one in the back knew. So as my father turns, all we think is he's just decided to drive off a cliff. Dad has finally had enough. So we scream. My mom says no, and all of us kids scream at the top of our lungs. And we go down this road and we realized that it was not a cliff, it was a road. So then we just start screwing, screaming for fun as we go down every turn, and we end up at this Adonis Bath, which were these pools of water and waterfalls and fresh flowers in it. And rope swings. And we just spent the day as a family being whoever we were. And I stopped trying to figure out who I was because I was with the same people I'd been with my entire life and I could be whatever I wanted to be. And when we left, my dad said to the man who owned the place, he's like, you should put this in a tourist book. This is the best thing in Cyprus. And the man told my father wisely, he said, you can't put paradise in a tourist book. You have to discover it. And to end this story, we have this couch in our basement that is white leather and you can Sharpie things on it when you feel like it, because you ought to. And the most famous thing on the couch is when we got back from Cyprus, my brother set his bags down, grabbed a sharpie and wrote Top three things never to say to Elna. One, Tina's the pretty sister, two, you're not funny. And three, Good job.