Summary of "Elna Baker: To Russia With Love" from The Moth Podcast

Introduction

In the episode titled "Elna Baker: To Russia With Love," released on April 29, 2013, storyteller Elna Baker shares a deeply personal narrative about navigating her religious upbringing and personal autonomy. Presented live at a Town Hall event in New York under the theme "Raise the Roof," Baker's story delves into themes of faith, family, identity, and the courage to confront difficult truths.

Background: A Mormon Upbringing

Elna Baker begins by setting the stage of her life within a close-knit Mormon family. She explains the gravity of sexual relations outside marriage in her faith, noting that it is considered the "second most serious sin next to murder" ([02:52]). This stringent belief system instills in her a profound sense of guilt and fear regarding any deviation from religious commandments.

The Dilemma: Choosing Honesty Over Concealment

At 28 years old, Baker faces a significant personal crossroads: she has lost her virginity, an experience that conflicts with her Mormon beliefs. Understanding the potential backlash from her parents—ranging from disappointment to the possibility of being disowned—she grapples with the fear of their reaction. To complicate matters, Baker has authored an article for Glamour magazine titled "Guess What, I'm Not a Virgin Anymore," scheduled for publication three months later. Anticipating the turmoil it could cause, especially coinciding with her younger sister's wedding, she decides to preemptively inform her parents by flying to Siberia, where they reside due to her father's job at a titanium factory.

The Trip to Siberia: Anticipation and Tension

Baker describes her journey to Siberia as both "terrifying and exhilarating," given the cultural and emotional weight of the impending conversation ([02:52]). Upon arrival, subtle signs of change become evident. Her mother remarks, "You look different," questioning whether the loss of her virginity is the cause ([04:15]). Despite the mounting anxiety, Baker refrains from initiating the conversation immediately.

Building Bridges: Unexpected Bonding Moments

Over the next two weeks, instead of the confrontation she feared, Baker and her parents share joyful experiences. They explore abandoned villages, play music at a monastery, and revel in newfound camaraderie. Baker reflects, "It's amazing how much you can appreciate something when you're really afraid you're about to lose it," highlighting how shared moments can transcend underlying tensions ([07:30]).

The Missed Opportunity: A Breakfast Incident

On the final day of her trip, a seemingly trivial accident during breakfast—"some of the yolk splashed up into my eye"—triggers a religious outburst from her mother: "Do not take the Lord's name in vain. Do you know how much that hurts me?" ([12:45]). This incident becomes a catalyst for Baker's inability to broach the topic of her lost virginity, leading to a strained and silent drive to the airport.

Revelations in Transit: Miscommunications and Hidden Truths

During the airport drive, an unintended revelation occurs when her father discusses alcoholism with the taxi driver. Baker seizes the moment to mention her own changing relationship with alcohol, causing her parents' surprise ([14:50]). This misalignment—where Baker had been discreetly rebelling against her faith by drinking and smoking—exposes the deep disconnect and highlights her parents' inability to understand her true struggles.

Longing for Connection: The Aftermath of Silence

Baker recounts her continued attempts to communicate with her parents, including a poignant phone call where she finally conveys her truth: "I need to be honest with you about who I am. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm 28 years old and I finally decided to have sex. Please love me anyway." ([15:40]). Contrary to her fears, her parents respond with unconditional love, expressing disappointment but reaffirming their support.

Reflections: Letting Go and Moving Forward

Attending her sister's Mormon wedding becomes a moment of introspection for Baker. As a bridesmaid excluded from the religious ceremony, she sits alone in her dress, contemplating the possibility that her departure from Mormonism might alienate her from the afterlife beliefs instilled in her ([16:10]). This realization underscores the complexity of balancing personal happiness with familial and religious expectations.

Conclusions: Embracing Dual Worlds

Baker concludes her story by addressing the challenge of holding onto elements from both her religious upbringing and newfound personal freedom. She muses, "We need a break because there are things in both worlds that we just want to hold onto so badly. And yet the more you try to hold onto them, the further apart they get. Until finally you just have to let some things go." ([16:20]). Emphasizing the importance of family, she acknowledges the necessity of making difficult choices to live authentically, hoping to let go of what no longer serves her while cherishing what remains.

Closing Remarks

Elna Baker's narrative is a powerful exploration of self-discovery amidst rigid cultural and religious frameworks. Her ability to convey vulnerability and resilience offers listeners a heartfelt perspective on the universal journey of seeking acceptance and understanding within oneself and one's family.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On the severity of sin in Mormonism:

  • "For Mormons, sex before marriage is considered the second most serious sin next to murder." ([02:52])

• Upon arrival in Siberia:

  • "You look different." ([04:15])

• Reflecting on shared experiences:

  • "It's amazing how much you can appreciate something when you're really afraid you're about to lose it." ([07:30])

• During the breakfast incident:

  • "Do not take the Lord's name in vain. Do you know how much that hurts me?" ([12:45])

• Expressing her need for honesty:

  • "I need to be honest with you about who I am. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm 28 years old and I finally decided to have sex. Please love me anyway." ([15:40])

• On trying to balance dual identities:

  • "We need a break because there are things in both worlds that we just want to hold onto so badly. And yet the more you try to hold onto them, the further apart they get. Until finally you just have to let some things go." ([16:20])

Conclusion

Elna Baker's story in The Moth podcast episode "To Russia With Love" is a compelling testament to the complexities of personal identity within the confines of cultural and religious expectations. Her honest and introspective storytelling invites listeners to reflect on their own relationships, beliefs, and the courage required to forge one's path.