Ernesto QuiÃ±onez: Spanish Harlem, 7th Grade - The Moth

Summary

Episode Summary: Ernesto Quiñonez: Spanish Harlem, 7th Grade

Podcast: The Moth
Host/Author: The Moth
Episode Title: Ernesto Quiñonez: Spanish Harlem, 7th Grade
Release Date: September 27, 2011

Introduction

In this poignant installment of The Moth Podcast, Ernesto Quiñonez recounts his tumultuous experiences growing up in Spanish Harlem during his seventh-grade years. Recorded live at The Moth in Denver, Ernesto delves deep into themes of bullying, racial prejudice, and personal growth, offering listeners an intimate glimpse into the challenges he faced and the lessons he learned.

The Bullying by Mario

Ernesto begins by painting a vivid picture of his school environment in the Spanish Harlem section of New York City. He introduces Mario, a formidable ninth grader whose presence instilled fear among the younger seventh graders. Mario's intimidation tactics were both physical and verbal. Ernesto describes Mario's routine:

"Mario had this scene that he would create, and it was that he would wait till lunchtime, and then what he would do is that he would pace in between the tables where the seventh graders were having their lunch."
[02:15]

Mario would carry a carton of milk, using it as a weapon to assert his dominance. His verbal assaults were derogatory, often targeting the Latino students with slurs like “wetback,” which further fueled the tension and anxiety among the younger students.

The Initial Confrontation

The constant harassment pushed Ernesto to a breaking point. One day, while enjoying ice cream, Ernesto decided he had enough:

"I was determined to hit him. I feel Mario doing his little scene, and I feel him on my back... I was determined to hit him."
[04:50]

However, when Ernesto finally confronted Mario, the confrontation did not go as planned. Instead of standing his ground, Ernesto found himself overpowered:

"I was there. He was towering over me, and I barely reached his neck... he took my ice cream."
[06:30]

Despite his anger, Ernesto chose to back down, a decision that left him feeling both humiliated and conflicted about his approach to dealing with bullying.

Escalation and Retaliation

Frustrated by the ineffectiveness of direct confrontation, Ernesto and a friend devised a plan to retaliate against Mario in a way that would undermine his authority. They orchestrated a scheme to have Mario receive a subscription to a men’s adult magazine, intending to expose and embarrass him:

"We knew every family. Spanish Harlem. It's the mother who has the mail key... We went to school and we waited and we waited and we got terrorized."
[09:10]

The retaliation backfired when rumors spread that Mario had been beaten by his father, leading to Mario’s absence from school and a shift in his demeanor:

"The next time I saw Mario in school, when he did come, he had a cast on his face... And he wasn't the same Mario."
[11:45]

Reflection and Realization

Ernesto reflects on the repercussions of their actions, recognizing the depth of the prejudice that fueled the bullying. He acknowledges his own role in perpetuating stereotypes and the impact of societal prejudices on personal behaviors:

"What I had to realize was that Mario wasn't a bully. He was a racist. He was a racist bully... I'm guilty of that because I had subscribed to this notion, this fear of homosexuality that was rampant in El Barrio."
[12:00]

This introspection leads Ernesto to understand the broader implications of racism and prejudice, not just on others but within himself. He grapples with feelings of guilt and the realization that their actions were rooted in fear and misunderstanding.

Conclusion: A Path to Forgiveness

In the closing moments of his story, Ernesto expresses a heartfelt apology to Mario, recognizing the pain and consequences of their mutual hostility. He contemplates the possibility of seeking forgiveness and the importance of learning from past mistakes:

"Mario, I am sorry. We were just two kids stuck in a ghetto. We didn't know any better. It was me. I'm sorry. It was me."
[12:45]

This apology encapsulates Ernesto’s journey from fear and retaliation to understanding and remorse, highlighting the transformative power of reflection and empathy.

Afterword

Ernesto Quiñonez's narrative not only sheds light on the personal struggles of growing up in a prejudiced environment but also underscores the enduring impact of racism on individuals and communities. His story serves as a testament to the importance of confronting and overcoming ingrained biases to foster a more compassionate and understanding society.

Notable Achievements:
Ernesto Quiñonez's debut novel, Bodega Dreams, was recognized by The New York Times as a new immigrant classic and was selected by the New York Public Library as one of 25 Books to Remember. He currently serves as an assistant professor at Cornell University, continuing to influence and inspire through his work.

Quote Highlights:

Ernesto Quiñonez:

"What I had to realize was that Mario wasn't a bully. He was a racist."
[12:00]
Ernesto Quiñonez:

"Mario, I am sorry. We were just two kids stuck in a ghetto. We didn't know any better. It was me. I'm sorry. It was me."
[12:45]

This episode of The Moth stands as a powerful exploration of the complexities of adolescence, identity, and the long-lasting effects of prejudice. Through Ernesto Quiñonez's heartfelt storytelling, listeners are invited to reflect on their own experiences and the broader societal issues that shape our interactions and perceptions.

Transcript

Dan Kennedy (0:00)

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Ernesto Quinones (1:09)

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. The Moth is true stories told live on stage. This week's story by Ernesto Quinones was recorded live at the Moth in Denver. When we were on tour with USA Network earlier this year, the theme of the night was a more perfect union, Stories of prejudice and power.

Dan Kennedy (1:37)

So I'm from the Spanish Harlem section of New York City, and while I was growing up in seventh grade, I was being bullied by a big Italian ninth grader named Mario. And Mario had a routine. Mario had this scene that he would create, and it was that he would wait till lunchtime, and then what he would do is that he would pace in between the tables where the seventh graders were having their lunch. And he would pace in between the tables and he was carrying his milk. And then he'll pick out a victim or a target, one of us Latino kids, and then Mario will spill milk on our back and then he'll say, oh, you're a wetback. What are you going to do? I mean, you're a wetback anyway. You're a wetback, so I don't do anything wrong. We didn't like it. We didn't like it one bit. But this guy was big, man. Mario was big. You seen the movie Grease when they don't look like high school kids, Mario was like that. People would come, say, he's a teacher, right? Like, no, he's a ninth grader. He was big. His father. I remember his father was this hulk of a man, and he used to have these big hands. They were like milk crate hands. He could take the phone book and rip it in two. And Mario was like that. None of us liked it. And I knew that sooner or later, I was going to be one of his targets. One day, they were serving ice cream. They. And I had my tray, and I went down to sit at the table. And from the corner of my eye, I see Mario pacing between the tables. And you know, the seventh graders, when we would see Mario doing this, it was like we would tense up. Everybody would just get nervous. It was like those National Geographic shows that you see when the herd is all antsy and nervous because the lion is. And then once she pounces on one person and one antelope takes it, and then the herd is like, okay, cool, now we can eat. It was like that with Mario. We would be tense, and we're like, okay, not me, not me. Oh, Hector, good. Let's eat. I knew it was going to be me sooner or later. That day when they were serving ice cream, I saw Mario, and I said, I'm going to hit him. If he does this to me, I'm gonna hit him. I was determined to hit him. I feel Mario doing his little scene, and I feel him on my back. I feel him. I know he's back there. And then I feel the cold running down my spine, and I shoot right up. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? You're wet back anyway. What are you gonna do, huh? What are you gonna do? Wet back. And I barely. I was there. He was towering over me, and I barely reached his neck. And as angry as I was, I just sat back down, and he took my ice cream. None of the seventh graders would think less of you. They're like, dude, he's big. I mean, what are you gonna do? And we were pretty much determined that, all right, he's a ninth grader. Eventually he's gonna graduate. He'll be gone in eighth grade. We'll be in eighth grade. And, you know, we just. Let's weather the storm. Weather the storm. You know, no one's gonna face this guy. But I was. I just felt so angry, and I just felt so humiliated. Then one day, they were serving hot dogs, and I had my tray, and I saw Mario doing his little thing again. And I felt him behind me, and I was waiting for the milk. I was waiting for that cold to run down my spine. But instead, an arm came from above. And he took my hot dog. And I shot up, and I grabbed the hot dog. I said, hey, that's mine. Give it back. And it broke in two. So then Mario said, oh, you freak out. Here, you take it. And he threw it at my face. And I jumped him. I jumped him. Mario slipped, and I started beating him up. I started hitting him. But before I knew it, Mario had flipped me over, and he was beating the crap out of me. I mean, he was really beating me up. He gave me a black eye. He gave me a really bruised cheek. This cheekbone was really bruised. And he loosened my tooth, which years later came out. But I had stood up to the bully. I had stood up to the bully, and I was the toast of the seventh graders. I was like the Obama of the seventh grade class. And I was so proud of my bruises. They were like badges. They were like war wounds, you know? Know? And everybody was like, wow. You know, Ernesto, you did it. Wow. So I was eating my lunch in peace, you know, See, Marisa, it's not gonna bother me, you know, I stood up to him. So I'm eating, Mario's doing his thing, and then I feel the cold milk running down my back. And I felt so betrayed. I felt so betrayed by a principle. I felt betrayed by a principle that if you hit a bully, he will stop picking on you. It was a principle. The way that the planets revolve around the sun. It's a principle. The way that gravity says, if you throw something up, it will come down. It's a principle. You hit a bully, he stops picking on you. But it wasn't working that way. What I had to realize was that Mario wasn't a bully. He was a racist. He was a racist bully, and other measures had to be taken. And I was just tired of it. I was fed up. So me and my friend got together, who had also been one of Mario's victims. We got together, and we decided to do this. And what we did was that we went to a stationary store, and while my friend kept the clerk busy, I went to where the magazines were, and I knew exactly what genre I wanted, and it was easy to find. And I took the magazine that I knew was the magazine I wanted, and I put it inside my pants, and I put my shirt back down. I went to my friend and said, you ready? Let's go. All right, let's go. You're not going to buy anything. Okay, let's go. The magazine I stole was called Blue Boy. And Blue Boy is like a men's porn magazine for men. It's got all these naked men. And what we did was we got a six month subscription and we were broke. So we saved and we were pulling our money, and we got two vibrators, and we mailed it to Mario as if Mario had actually asked for this. And we knew. We knew every family. Spanish Harlem. It's the mother who has the mail key. Everything goes to the mom. The welfare checks, the bills, it all goes through the mom. So we knew it was the mom who was going to get this first. And we knew it. And so we went to school and we waited and we waited and we got terrorized, and we waited. One day, Mara didn't come to school. I said, all right, maybe he's sick. Then, second day, he did not come to school. And then word was that his father had beaten him and he was in the hospital. His father had given him a beating. It was so bad that he was in the hospital. And I knew why. I knew, but I still held on to hope that maybe that's the kind of family they are. That's why he's a bully. They. His father beats everybody up. But there was this kid named Felix, and he was like the gossiper of the school. And soon enough, he was telling the boys, yo, yo, you guys heard Mario is G. Mario is G. And then I knew that we had gone too far, that it was us. I asked my friend, you gonna come? Should we go visit him? He's like, I'm not visiting Mario. But I went, I went. He was staying at Metropolitan Hospital. And I walked in, I went to the visitor's desk. You had to say you were family. So here I was saying I was family to this guy. And I got the visitors pass, this big plastic card. And I was wondering, what is it that I'm doing here? Why am I here? What is. How is he gonna receive me? What actually. What am I gonna say to Mario? You know? But somehow I also felt like maybe I should. I should do this visit. And I got on the elevator holding my pass. I punched the floor. The doors open and they closed back. And I went back down. And then I went home. And I didn't see him. The next time I saw Mario in school, when he did come, he had a cast on his face. He had, like a hockey mask because his father had also broken his nose. So he had a big cast. And he wasn't the same Mario. That swagger, that atmosphere of this invulnerable person was gone. And it wasn't this. It wasn't because his father had beaten him up. It was because of this rumor that was going around, a rumor that I had started. My memory of him was in the yard smoking with his friends. And I felt, should I say something to him? And I also didn't. But I realized that he was leaving people alone. Not because he didn't want to bully them, because he wanted to be left alone, because something had humiliated him. It was only years later. It was only years later when I started writing novels, when I started writing about El barrio, about Spanish Harlem, and started scrutinizing my life. What is it that happened in these neighborhoods? What exactly was this all about? When it finally hit me that prejudice is so evil that it can creep up on you and before you know it, you yourself have become the bigot. And I was guilty of that because I had subscribed to this notion, this fear of homosexuality that was rampant in El Barrio. I knew that was the reaction his parents were going to have to towards Mario. And I wanted him to feel this discomfort. And I was guilty of that. There's not much you can do with the past except learn from it and maybe get a chance at asking for forgiveness and if lucky, be forgiven. And so tonight I'm going to throw it out to the universe and maybe it'll reach Mario's ears. Mario, I am sorry. We were just two kids stuck in a ghetto. We didn't know any better. It was me. I'm sorry. It was me.