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Dan Kennedy
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. Hey, before we get started, the Moth is coming to Detroit on Tuesday, November 13th and that's presented by WDET for ticketing information and for a list of all of our upcoming tour stops, Visit our site themoth.org this podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature. For the Moth listeners, Audible is offering a free audiobook to give you a chance to try out their service. You may like to consider listening to Dearie the Remarkable Life of Julia Child, written by Bob Spitz. Dearie opens the world of Julia to the listener, her relationships and romance, and the determination that leads to Julia's career as an author and television chef as we know her. That's the Remarkable Life of Julia Child, written by Bob Spitz. It's available from Audible. To try Audible free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.comthemost that's audible.comthemost this week's story by Flora Hogman was told live at the moth in 2010. The theme of the night was stories of fooling and being fooled.
Flora Hogman
Hello everybody. Well, this is very different story I'm sort of preparing you. It's 1943, Nice, France. It's in the middle of the war. The Germans have just invaded the town. I'm seven years old. I'm sitting and standing, more exactly on the platform of a train with my mother. Very tall man with a long black robe approaches us and my mother gives me to him. I don't remember how we said goodbye, but I never saw her again. The tall man deposits me in some very strange place. I was in a room in front of me. There were a bunch of iron bars and a tall woman behind the bar was welcoming me in the house of God. She presented herself as Mother Superior and the others as sisters. She was all pretty strange to me and they had these very long robes and hats like wings. I see myself in a small, well, orderly garden, sort of roaming around among a bunch of children, all somewhat ghosts like me. We don't talk to each other, but mostly I discovered the roof of the convent. It was a flat roof and here the sisters were walking around and around and around all day with their long robes sweeping the floor, their hands up in the air, praying, and their eyes always looking at the sky. And they never looked down at me or at us. I of course wanted miss the affection of my mother. I remember when they changed my name suddenly from Flora Hillel I became Mariam and I was born in Ajaccio in Corsica. Of course I had no idea what either was or where either was and actually didn't faze me. Somehow it didn't register at that moment. And then suddenly one day, water was poured over my head and I was told I was a child of God. And then I learned the rosary. Now, the good thing about the rosary, that it finally provided a source of entertainment for all the children who were there roaming around. And we all learned the rosary and we decided who could do it faster. And I still know it today. I know it very well. Anyway, suddenly one night, the sisters, nuns, I guess you've guessed they were nuns, brought us all together. Very quickly we had to leave. They said, we have to leave very quickly. There was no time to explain anything. And they sort of threw us all in the covered truck. And one of them was inspecting my suitcase and find with horror, I mean, with a great shock, that my mother had embroidered my name on each of my clothing. And she said, oh, that's terrible. It's very dangerous. And she proceeded to rip off each stretch of the threads from all of my clothing as I was looking in horror. And I started to scream. And they got very angry at me because it was very dangerous. And I was despondent. This was the work of love of my mother. This was my connection to her. And with this embroidery gone, how could anybody ever know my name? I had lost my name. I didn't know who I was. I was completely meaningless. Years passed. The war ended. I was adopted. I changed name again. I became Flora Ogman after having been Flora, I mean, excuse me, Mariama and Flora Hillel. And I grew up and the war somehow receded in the back of my mind, like on another planet. My mother also became like a very thin ghost, which, with each name change, became further away from my awareness. I didn't even think about the idea of having a father, because he had died when I was 2 years old of TB and I didn't suddenly remember him. And it was such a long time ago, in 1958, I was in Nice. At that time I was working at Scandinavian Airlines. One morning a young man comes in and asks, is Flora there? So I said, yes, that's me. So he says, so and so. And I look at him. Of course, I had no idea who he was, and I repeated his name. And I still looked at him, and he thought I didn't want to speak with him. He almost left. And suddenly I finally realized, deciphering through his thick American accent, this was my blood cousin from my mother's side who had come from America. I almost fainted. I frankly didn't know what it meant to have A cousin, but it was a source of pride, and I could boast about it. I mean, a cousin from America. How many people had that? And I asked him, I said, how did you find me? Apparently his mother, who knew that after the war, had been adopted and I was in south of France and had been absolutely no connection. This is another story which I can't get into today. When her son finally wanted to go back to Vienna to visit where he came from, she said, go and find Flora in southern France. You know, go and find Flora in southern France. Anyway, so he was walking, you know, there are things that are meant to be. And that's the story I'm telling you now. He was walking on the Boulevard L'Opera in Paris, and he saw a store that said the House of Nice in Paris. So just for the fun of it, he walked in as the girl at the counter. Do you know Flora Hogman? And she said, oh, yes, she's one of my best friends. And that's how I came to America. Anyway, this really amazing encounter did lead me to come to America, where I started a new life. And it also led me many years later, when actually I was in my late 30s, to find my uncle on my mother's side in Israel. We met at the lodge airport. My uncle recognized me from my childhood photograph and I from his large smile. Aunt Lily, his wife, came to me and, you know, embraced me in tears. They had prepared a wonderful meal for me in their tiny apartment. And of course, it didn't take very long before we start talk about my mother. Finally I could say, what was she like? And my uncle Ori says, she was a brat. She was a, you know. And she, you know, she tried to teach me the piano. She was older than him and she was such a pain in the neck. But she was a. She was a romantic, an artist. And she spent a lot of the time in Italy. And she said the reason she was able to do that is because she had two unmarried uncles. I mean, they were his uncles too, but who just, you know, with largesse, gave her money. He thought that was. He was very critical of this. And then he goes on, said, I don't know how she managed through all these tragedies and to find a way to save you. And with great sorrow, he is thinking and talking about my mother's death in Auschwitz. Then there was. Suddenly I remembered the letters. There were all these Czech letters that we had found in the apartment in Nice when we had gone there after the war with my adoptive parents. Of course, I Totally forgot about them. But I had always taken them with me everywhere I went. And suddenly, here I could have them translated. So Uncle Uri translated a letter. And one of them is a poem to my father who had just died. And the poem reads, I've been given special permission to read it. How strange that you died just now in the middle of your life. We left together, the three of us, and now we are only two. How strange that you died so young and good with Miri blood we plan to produce to contrive to snatch up you and I. How strange that you died and still are living in our sphere and love you so much and kiss you daily, your child and I. And what I forgot to tell you before, this is after my uncle told me all these stories, it suddenly, you know, it's like my mother had become a real person. I had just remembered her, this very unhappy, stoic, wonderful ghost, very sad all the time. And here she was, a real person. She was a brat. And after the poem, it was even more. I mean, now suddenly I found myself. I was a person with a family, a father and a mother. Suddenly had found who I was, where I belonged, and also had found much more about my mother, who was a real person with a real life. A few years passed, and then I continued my year searching to my past. And this time I decided to go back to the convent, which I believe you recall, I didn't have very positive feelings about. In fact, I hated them. And somehow I connected them to the death of my mother. But, you know, they had saved me. And so I decided to go back and say thank you. I walked in and of course Mother Superior was behind her grid. But as soon as she heard me this time, she opened the door and she said, flora, but I remember you. She said, you had such a beautiful name. She was a novice at the time, and she was one of the ones who were walking around the roof. And she said, you know, we were not allowed to look at you, but we listened. And she said, we prayed for you all the time. It's amazing. It had never occurred to me. And she said, so few of you came back. And she looked so sad. And so we both embraced each other. And for the first time, I felt that I could cry about my mother with her and at the same time to say thank you to her that she had helped save my life. Amen.
Dan Kennedy
Flora Hogman is a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Manhattan. She's done extensive research on trauma and identity relating to aspects of survival from the Holocaust, especially concerning children during and after the war, the effects of conversion to Christianity on adult identity, and resolution of trauma. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks, with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times bestsellers. To try Audible free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com themoth Dan Kennedy is a.
Groons Representative
Writer and performer living in New York. He's been a part of the moth community since 1999. Follow him on Twitter at dancnedynyc.
Dan Kennedy
Thanks to all of you for listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York. The Moth Podcast and the Radio Hour are presented by prx, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public@prx.org.
Episode: Flora Hogman: My Name, Embroidered
Release Date: October 15, 2012
Host: Dan Kennedy
Storyteller: Flora Hogman
In this poignant episode of The Moth, Flora Hogman shares her deeply personal journey of identity, loss, and rediscovery amidst the backdrop of World War II. Her narrative delves into the harrowing experience of being separated from her mother, the struggle with multiple name changes, and the eventual reunion with her extended family that allows her to piece together her fragmented past.
Early Life and Separation Flora begins her story in 1943 in Nice, France, during the chaos of World War II. At seven years old, she finds herself separated from her mother when a tall man in a black robe takes her away. She recounts, “[03:44] I was seven years old. I’m sitting and standing, more exactly on the platform of a train with my mother... I never saw her again.”
Life in the Convent Flora is introduced to life in a convent, where she and other children are renamed and indoctrinated. The sisters enforce strict routines, with Flora describing their constant prayers and neglect: “[03:44] They were walking around and around and around all day with their long robes sweeping the floor... They never looked down at me or at us.”
Loss of Identity A pivotal moment occurs when the sisters destroy the embroidery of Flora’s name on her clothing, symbolizing her loss of identity and connection to her mother: “[03:44] She proceeded to rip off each stretch of the threads from all of my clothing... I started to scream... I had lost my name. I didn’t know who I was.”
Adoption and New Beginnings After the war, Flora is adopted and takes on new names, distancing herself further from her past. She reflects, “[03:44] I was adopted. I changed name again. I became Flora Ogman after having been Mariama and Flora Hillel. The war somehow receded in the back of my mind, like on another planet.”
Reunion with Family In 1958, while working at Scandinavian Airlines in Nice, Flora encounters her American cousin, an event that eventually leads her to the United States. She narrates the serendipitous meeting: “[03:44] A young man comes in and asks, 'Is Flora there?'... I almost realized this was my blood cousin from my mother’s side.”
Discovering Her Mother’s Legacy Years later, Flora travels to Israel to meet her uncle, who shares memories of her mother and reveals letters that provide insight into her mother's life and untimely death in Auschwitz. She shares a translated poem from her mother, expressing love and loss: “[03:44] 'How strange that you died just now in the middle of your life... We left together, the three of us, and now we are only two.'”
Returning to the Convent Flora decides to confront her past by returning to the convent. Contrary to her previous feelings of hatred, she finds empathy and understanding from Mother Superior, leading to an emotional reconciliation: “[03:44] Mother Superior embraced me... I could cry about my mother with her and at the same time to say thank you to her that she had helped save my life.”
Loss of Identity:
“I had lost my name. I didn’t know who I was. I was completely meaningless.”
– Flora Hogman [03:44]
Reunion with Cousin:
“How many people had that? A cousin from America.”
– Flora Hogman [03:44]
Mother’s Poem:
“How strange that you died just now in the middle of your life... We left together, the three of us, and now we are only two.”
– Flora Hogman [03:44]
Emotional Reconciliation:
“I could cry about my mother with her and at the same time to say thank you to her that she had helped save my life.”
– Flora Hogman [03:44]
Flora Hogman's story is a testament to resilience and the enduring search for identity amidst trauma. Her multiple name changes symbolize the fragments of her identity that were lost and the painstaking journey to reclaim them. The destruction of her embroidered name by the sisters underscores the deliberate eradication of her past, making her quest for self-discovery both heart-wrenching and inspiring.
The serendipitous reunion with her cousin serves as a catalyst for healing, allowing Flora to bridge the gaps in her memory and understand her heritage better. The discovery of her mother's poem reveals the deep emotional scars left by war and loss but also highlights the unbroken bonds of love that transcend death.
Returning to the convent marks a significant turning point in Flora's narrative. Her ability to forgive and express gratitude towards Mother Superior illustrates the profound impact of confronting one's past and finding peace with it.
Flora Hogman's My Name, Embroidered is a powerful narrative that explores themes of identity, memory, and reconciliation. Her ability to navigate through the darkest periods of her childhood and emerge with a reclaimed sense of self serves as an inspiring example of human resilience. Through her story, listeners are reminded of the importance of understanding one’s past to fully embrace and build one's future.
Flora Hogman is a clinical psychologist based in Manhattan, specializing in trauma and identity issues related to Holocaust survival, particularly among children. Her extensive research focuses on the lasting effects of war, conversion to Christianity on adult identity, and the resolution of deep-seated trauma.
This summary was crafted based on the transcript of Flora Hogman's story from The Moth podcast. For more stories and live events, visit themoth.org.