Podcast Summary: Greg Behrendt: “She’s Just Not That Into Me”

Episode: Greg Behrendt: She’s Just Not That Into Me
Host: Dan Kennedy
Podcast: The Moth
Release Date: April 20, 2009

Introduction

In this episode of The Moth, comedian and author Greg Behrendt shares a deeply personal story that inspired his bestselling book, He’s Just Not That Into You. Hosted by Dan Kennedy, the session delves into Greg's tumultuous relationship with actress Jeanine Garofalo, offering listeners an intimate look at love, self-awareness, and personal growth.

Background

Greg Behrendt introduces himself as the co-author of He’s Just Not That Into You, a book that demystifies the complexities of modern relationships from a man's perspective. He establishes his credibility by acknowledging his own experiences on both sides of the romantic equation:

“I have been on the bad side of a relationship. I have put all my eggs in a basket that weren't there and then the eggs smash and fall on the floor.”
(01:50)

Falling for Jeanine Garofalo

Greg recounts the moment he fell for Jeanine Garofalo during one of her stage performances. His immediate reaction leads him to impulsively create a mixtape, symbolizing his intense infatuation:

“I revved two blocks from the comedy club and I bolted back and said, 'fucking mixtape. Get it going.'”
(04:10)

He humorously critiques his own romantic gestures, highlighting the often misguided attempts to capture someone's interest:

“Don't act like, oh, I worked on this. You can download all this mixtape on the floor. Cassettes, maybe a turntable. Don't bump that shit.”
(05:05)

Attempting to Be "Cool"

Greg illustrates his attempts to align himself with what he perceived as cool, inspired by Jeanine's persona. He describes drastic changes in his appearance and lifestyle in a bid to win her over:

“I wore a patchouli oil for a while. That's grew my hair out a little bit. Was fond of a backpack, got a tattoo, wore a couple of bracelets.”
(07:45)

His self-awareness surfaces as he compares himself unfavorably to cultural icons, emphasizing the pressure to fit a certain image:

“If Kurt Cobain was the male voice of Generation X, certainly Jeanine was the female voice.”
(08:30)

Relationship Deterioration and Moment of Clarity

As the relationship falters, Greg's frustrations mount. His attempts to reconcile lead to a pivotal moment during a failed phone call:

“I'm so fucked up. I can't say her name. I'm like, I can't fucking make it happen.”
(10:15)

This unsuccessful outreach becomes a catalyst for introspection. Greg experiences a "moment of clarity," realizing that his love was more about the idea of Jeanine rather than the person herself:

“I really wasn't. I was in love with the idea of Jeanine. I was in love with being cool. I wanted to be cool.”
(11:20)

Embracing Authenticity and Finding Happiness

Accepting his true self marks Greg's transformation. He embraces his identity, shedding the facade he once wore to impress Jeanine:

“I gotta be me. That's what I liked about Jeanine. Jeanine was Jeanine fucking warts and all, that's who Jeanine is.”
(11:50)

This acceptance leads to genuine happiness and the formation of meaningful relationships. Greg concludes his story by introducing his wife, Amira Largent, highlighting the fulfillment that comes from authenticity:

“And then that dawned on me. Maybe that's where I'm headed... that woman became my wife.”
(12:05)

Conclusion

Greg Behrendt's story is a candid exploration of the pitfalls of trying to mold oneself to fit another's expectations. Through humor and honesty, he conveys the importance of self-acceptance and the journey toward finding love that aligns with one's true identity. This narrative not only complements his work in He’s Just Not That Into You but also serves as a testament to personal growth and the transformative power of introspection.

Notable Quotes:

• On Personal Experience:
  “I have been on the bad side of a relationship. I have put all my eggs in a basket that weren't there and then the eggs smash and fall on the floor.”
  (01:50)

• On Making a Mixtape:
  “fucking mixtape. Get it going.”
  (04:10)

• On Attempting to Be Cool:
  “Don't act like, oh, I worked on this. You can download all this mixtape on the floor.”
  (05:05)

• On His Moment of Clarity:
  “I really wasn't. I was in love with the idea of Jeanine. I was in love with being cool.”
  (11:20)

Key Takeaways

• Authenticity Over Facade: Greg's journey underscores the importance of being true to oneself rather than conforming to perceived standards of "coolness."

• Self-Reflection Leads to Growth: The failed romantic pursuit becomes a turning point for Greg, prompting deep self-reflection and personal development.

• Genuine Relationships Stem from Self-Acceptance: Embracing his true identity paved the way for meaningful and fulfilling relationships, exemplified by his marriage to Amira Largent.

This episode of The Moth offers listeners a heartfelt and relatable narrative on love, failure, and the ultimate triumph of self-acceptance. Greg Behrendt's storytelling not only entertains but also imparts valuable life lessons on navigating relationships with honesty and integrity.