Jeffery Rudell: The Undertaker’s Daughter

Summary

The Moth Podcast Summary: Jeffrey Rudell’s "The Undertaker’s Daughter"

Introduction

In the November 1, 2010 episode of The Moth podcast, storyteller Jeffrey Rudell shares his compelling and haunting tale, "The Undertaker’s Daughter." Recorded live at The Moth main stage in 2003, Rudell's story delves into themes of adolescence, sexuality, and the macabre setting of a funeral home. Throughout his narrative, Rudell intertwines humor with dark reality, offering listeners a vivid journey through his transformative teenage years.

I. The End of Childhood

Jeffrey Rudell opens his story by identifying a pivotal moment that marked the end of his childhood. Set in a small town in southwestern Michigan, Rudell describes his uneasy adolescence and his attraction to Pam Hampton, the daughter of the local undertaker.

“I can pinpoint the exact moment my childhood came to an end. I was in southwestern Michigan in a small town. There was Pam Hampton and me and a burst of sexual energy. And then, bam. Childhood was over.” [02:25]

Rudell portrays himself as an outsider—lanky, embarrassed, and uncomfortable in his own body—contrasting sharply with Pam, who epitomizes confidence and rebellion. Pam’s rebellious nature is both a shield and a magnet for Rudell, who sees her as the gateway to his lost innocence and sexual awakening.

II. Pam Hampton: The Rebel with a Perfect Record

Pam Hampton is introduced as a complex character: a "bad girl from a good home," according to Rudell's grandmother. Despite her rebellious behavior—frequent use of strong language, defiance against teachers—Pam maintains an almost impeccable academic record and benefits from her father Howard’s influential position as president of the school board and the local funeral home.

Rudell's admiration for Pam is multifaceted. Not only is she sexually confident, but her intelligence and social standing make her both desirable and seemingly unattainable.

III. The Strategy to Win Pam’s Affection

Desperate to lose his virginity, Rudell devises a plan to connect with Pam by feigning an interest in mortuary science. He immerses himself in shows like Quincy and MASH, reciting obscure facts about decomposition and other postmortem processes to impress Pam.

“I really wooed her with my extensive knowledge of such postmortem things as fingernail growth and penal distention and decomposition rates. My seduction knew no bounds.” [02:25]

This strategic display of knowledge is Rudell’s attempt to bridge the emotional and physical gap between himself and Pam, hoping to initiate a sexual relationship.

IV. The Halloween Tour: A Night of Terror and Revelation

On Halloween night, with Pam's parents away, Howard Hampton hires a local man to oversee the funeral home. Unbeknownst to the group, Pam has orchestrated a midnight tour of the funeral home for herself, Rudell, his best friend Kevin Davis, and Kevin’s girlfriend Joanie Gagliardo. Pam’s aim is twofold: to provide a fright and to potentially initiate Rudell into the mysteries of sex.

The group, each intoxicated in their own way, embarks on the eerie tour. The funeral home, especially at midnight, becomes a backdrop of tension and anticipation. Rudell’s discomfort grows as they navigate the tight, dimly lit spaces, culminating in the discovery of a corpse.

V. The Encounter with the Corpse

As they reach the preparation lab, Rudell describes the setting:

“We were empty till this morning, but there was an accident last night. Four local guys going to a party, shit face drunk. They must have been doing 80 when they hit the tree. They’re still looking for all the pieces for the two guys in the front seat. We got the two guys in the back seat.” [05:30]

The presence of the body heightens the tension. Pam attempts to play the role of the fearless guide, even engaging in a mock ritual to "raise the dead," which disastrously fails when Pam's slight movement inadvertently causes a reaction that results in chaos—Kevin loses control, Joanie mishandles her drink, and Pam reacts in horror, leading to their eventual arrest.

VI. The Aftermath: Legal Consequences and Emotional Fallout

The Halloween night turns disastrous as the group's antics lead to unintended consequences, including Rudell fainting and sustaining minor injuries. The couple faces legal repercussions, receiving one year of probation and three months of community service. More significantly, Pam ends her relationship with Rudell, seeing his possession of a car as irrelevant once her parents’ return.

Rudell reflects on his obsession with the corpse and his subsequent journey through sexual identity:

“I had to get away from that body and I had to get away from that town. After graduation, I went off to college and I took the memory of that body with me through the eventual loss of my virginity and a few confused and mildly successful relationships with women, up to a relationship with a man, after which things started to make sense.” [12:00]

This revelation highlights Rudell’s internal struggle and eventual acceptance of his homosexuality, attributing his earlier fixation to the constraints and confusion of his rural upbringing.

VII. Reflections and Current Life

Rudell concludes his story by contrasting his past with his present:

“I am happy to report that my interest in dead bodies went out the side door. The minute I came out the closet door, I left that town and eventually that state and I have only been back once, ironically, for a funeral.” [14:30]

He shares tidbits about Pam’s successful transition into adulthood, including her role as a creative consultant for the television series Six Feet Under, emphasizing the lasting impact of their shared history. Rudell also mentions receiving anonymous thank-you cards from Pam every Halloween, underscoring a lingering connection despite their divergent paths.

VIII. Conclusion

Jeffrey Rudell’s "The Undertaker’s Daughter" is a poignant narrative that intertwines themes of adolescence, sexual awakening, and the haunting backdrop of a funeral home. Through his vivid storytelling, Rudell captures the complexities of teenage relationships, the struggle with sexual identity, and the indelible marks left by formative experiences. His journey from discomfort and confusion to self-acceptance offers listeners a deeply personal and resonant story of growth and transformation.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Rudell: “I can pinpoint the exact moment my childhood came to an end. I was in southwestern Michigan in a small town. There was Pam Hampton and me and a burst of sexual energy. And then, bam. Childhood was over.” [02:25]

• Rudell: “I really wooed her with my extensive knowledge of such postmortem things as fingernail growth and penal distention and decomposition rates. My seduction knew no bounds.” [02:25]

• Pam: “Oh, my God.” [11:20]

• Rudell: “I am not a necrophiliac it's just that to a budding homosexual in rural America, and that's what I was the idea of having the opportunity to touch and care for another man, and a naked man at that, seemed all but impossible outside the narrow permissible bounds of being an undertaker.” [14:00]

About Jeffrey Rudell

Jeffrey Rudell is a renowned paper engineer celebrated for his unique paper creations and accessible online craft tutorials. His work has been showcased at prestigious venues such as Tiffany & Co. and the New York Botanical Garden, and featured in prominent magazines including Elle Decor, Brides, and Good Housekeeping. Rudell resides in New York City, where he continues to innovate and inspire through his artistic endeavors.

Transcript

[Rosetta Stone Advertiser]

As we approach the end of the year, I'm thinking about the next. Next year is the year I finally make my Spanish better than my 9 year olds. Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app, and it truly immerses you in the language that you want to learn. I can't wait to use Rosetta Stone and finally speak better than my 9 year old who's been learning Spanish in his own way. Rosetta Stone is the trusted expert for 30 years. With millions of users and 25 languages offered spoken Spanish, French, Italian, German, Korean, I could go on fast language acquisition. Rosetta Stone immerses you in many ways. There are no English translations, so you can really learn to speak, listen and think in that language. Start the new year off with a resolution you can reach today. The Moth listeners can take advantage of this Rosetta Stones lifetime membership for 50% off, visit rosettastone.com moth that's 50% off. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your Life. Redeem your 50% [e-mail] moth today.

[Dan Kennedy]

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy and the Moth features true stories told live without notes. All stories from the podcast are taken from our ongoing storytelling series in New York, Los Angeles, Detroit and Chicago. We also use stories from our tour shows across the country when we're on the road. If you'd like more information about the Moth, check out the site themoth.org this.

[Warner Archive Advertiser]

Podcast is brought to you by the Warner Archive Collection, featuring more than 700 Warner Bros. Films, TV shows and shorts on DVD for the first time. Titles range from the classics of the 20s, 30s and 40s, plus cult favorite movies and television produced in the 70s, 80s and 90s. Each title of the collection is made on demand, with box covers created from the original art. None of the collection has been previously released on DVD, with new titles released every Tuesday. Visit warnerarchive.com to find your favorite film or TV show from the past. That's warnerarchive.com the story you're about to.

[Dan Kennedy]

Hear by Jeffrey Rudel was recorded live at the Moth main stage in 2003 and the theme of the night was the way of all stories about the body.

[Jeffrey Rudel]

I can pinpoint the exact moment my childhood came to an end. I was in southwestern Michigan in a small town. There was Pam Hampton and me and a burst of sexual energy. And then, bam. Childhood was over. I blame it all on Mr. Stiffy now. In many ways, I was a typical teenager in that I was completely uncomfortable in my body. You know, I had made it through the physical trials of puberty, but the emotional hurdles were proving a little more daunting. Pam, on the other hand, was completely comfortable in her body. So much so that sort of seam splitting halter tops and form fitting hip huggers were her usual uniform all through high school. You know, dress code be damned. She was a bit of a rebel. She said fuck a lot and talked back to teachers. She was what my grandmother referred to in very hushed tones as a bad girl from a good home. I, of course, felt an affinity for her from the start. I mean, we were, we were both outsiders, albeit of a complimentary sort. I mean, she was sexy and flirtatious and I was lanky and embarrassed. But I thought it could work. Any one of Pam's bad behaviors would have been sufficient to expel her were it not for two things. One, she was president of the honor society, having an almost perfect grade point average. And two, her father was president of the school board. He also happened to be our local undertaker. His name was Howard, and Howard would have preferred the term funeral director, but nobody called him that. All of us kids called him Mr. Stiffy. Now, I had decided I had to have sex. All of my friends had done it and I was still a virgin. And to my way of thinking, the most likely candidate was Pam. However, I didn't have much to recommend me. I mean, I wasn't a jock, I wasn't a brain and I wasn't a stoner. The things I was good at were watching TV and talking. Oh, and I had a car. So as a strategy, I pretended an interest in mortuary science. I would watch episodes of Quincy and MASH on TV and. And then I'd recite things back to Pam as though I'd been reading up on the topic in some book. I really wooed her with my extensive knowledge of such postmortem things as fingernail growth and penal distention and decomposition rates. My seduction knew no bounds. I vowed to not give up until she was mine. And it worked. Now understand, from Pam's point of view, it was not love. As she put it, you're cute enough, you have a car and you're not always trying to get in my pants. You're probably a fag, but you do have a car. Truth be told, I was not very comfortable touching her. I was barely comfortable touching myself. So no, I would have to wait for her to take the lead when it came to sex. But that's what bad girls were for this much, I knew Pam's mom, Barb, had a drinking problem, and this was never more apparent than on Halloween. There was just something about toilet paper in her trees and smashed pumpkins on her front steps that sent her diving to the bottom of a bottle. That year, Howard was going to take her away for the weekend, and so he'd hired a local guy to watch over the funeral home and guard against violence vandals. Pam, however, had other ideas. She was going to take me and my best friend Kevin Davis and his girlfriend, Joanie Gagliardo on a tour of the place at midnight on Halloween. Ostensibly, her reason was to give us all a fright, but secretly I thought, with her parents out of town, that her plan was to initiate me into the mysteries of sex. Sex with a part the caretaker was not a problem for Pam. She just bribed him by giving him an already open bottle of scotch from her father's den, a joint, and a pair of her own panties, after which he agreed to retire to his pickup truck and let her have the keys. So we were due at Pam's at midnight. So at 11 o'clock I met up with Kevin and Joanie to get ready, by which I mean to get drunk. Kevin was drinking Schlitz beer, which gave him gas, but his father always had some on hand, so it was easy to get of. Joanie only ever drank sloe gin. She had read somewhere that it was popular during Prohibition, and she kind of liked the sound of that. I was drinking Bartles and James wine coolers, so at 11:45, we each grabbed one for the road and walked the two blocks from Kevin's house across Atherton park to the Hampton Funeral Home on the other side. We rang the bell at the side entrance and Pam let us in. The lights were off and she was carrying a flashlight. She led us down the hall toward the casket showroom, past the chapel with its dark red carpeting, and through a door into the back room. Once there, she led us around this hydraulic lift thing that they used to bring caskets up from the basement and then finally down into the preparation lab where her father did all his work. Now, I'd been using this type of stuff for weeks to get close to Pam and hopefully to get far away from my virginity. So it shouldn't have upset me, but I was finding myself getting antsy. We get down there and it's not nearly as big as I thought it would be. It's kind of tight, and Pam's leading us through single file, remarking on items as we Pass. She points out the tile on the floor that crawls halfway up the wall so it can be hosed down and cleaned. This big porcelain table in the center. The slab, she calls it over. In one corner, there's a machine with some dials on it, and Pam says it's for sucking all the fluid out of the stiffs. Clearly, she was in her element, playing the badass to our sort of overly nervous newbies. She finally comes to a stop in front of a wall with 4.4 stainless steel cooler doors. She positions the flashlight kind of shining up like this under her face. The effect is kind of ghoulish, but I'm not looking at that. I'm looking at her breasts, which are clearly visible through her shirt. And I am recalling something I overheard her once tell Joni. She'd said, I'm still a virgin because blowjobs and titty fucking don't count. At that moment, I was stuck on that question. What the hell is titty fucking? So this is where we keep them. We were empty till this morning, but there was an accident last night. Four local guys going to a party, shit face drunk. They must have been doing 80 when they hit the tree. They're still looking for all the pieces for the two guys in the front seat. We got the two guys in the back seat. Now, this sounds stupid, but we were in a funeral home, but we didn't expect there would be a corpse, let alone two. Pam, meanwhile, can smell the fear on us, and she kind of grins and says, do you think it's true what they say, how you can raise the dead on Halloween? She hands me the flashlight, she opens the door, and she rolls out of. Body covered in a sheet. Everything else in the room disappeared. It was just that body. It was a guy about my size covered in a sheet. And he was close enough for me to reach out and touch him if I wanted to. And I did want to. I had to fight the urge to pull back the sheet. I was repulsed by it, but I was, at the same time, compelled by it. Most of all, I was mortified that the other three in the room might know what I was thinking. We stood there for a second, and then the strangest thing happened. I started to get a hard on. Oh, what is wrong with me? Oh, my God.

[Pam]

Oh, my God.

[Jeffrey Rudel]

You know, I look up and I see Pam, and I'm like, okay, okay, thank think. Calm down. You're with the sexiest girl in town. She's not wearing a bra, dead body. Her parents are out of town. You have the whole place to yourself tonight. Dead body. If you keep your eyes on Pam, everything's going to be fine. Dead body she'll tell you what titty fucking is. Dead body so I'm going back and forth and I look up and I see Pam and she's smiling and she says, let us pray. She puts her hands out over the body and gets this kind of excited look on her face and says, o Lord of darkness, Prince of strife, undo all God's bitter work and bring this man back to life. Now, as she later explained to the police, she hadn't meant for it to happen. It had just happened. Physics is what had just happened. She had relaxed her shoulders a little, just a little, just a little too much, and gravity had taken over. Her arms had fallen and hit the body just below the ribcage, forcing whatever air was still in it out up the esophagus and across the vocal cords. Kevin, full of Schlitz, shit his pants and fell backwards into a cabinet. Joanie, who had been mid gulp, spit a mouthful of sloe gin onto the sheet, turning it red. Pam, seeing the red and thinking it blood, was horrified at what she might have just done and threw up all over the body. I see the blood and the vomit and wake up 45 minutes later in the hospital with three stitches in my tongue where I'd bitten it when I fainted. We each got one year probation and three months of community service. Pam broke up with me. She had been grounded for life, so the fact that I had a car was of little use to her any longer. Worst of all, though, the next day, Mr. Hampton took each of us back down into that room and pulled back that sheet and showed us that body without question. It excited me. All that fall, as I was doing my time raking leaves in Atherton Park, I thought about that body. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It wasn't so much the death part. I mean, I lived on a farm. Things died all the time. It's just that he had ended up there, naked on a tray in a basement room in a town with one blinking light and three saloons. At the time, I didn't know why, but I had to get away from that body and I had to get away from that town. After graduation, I went off to college and I took the memory of that body with me through the eventual loss of my virginity and a few confused and mildly successful relationships with women, up to a relationship with a man, after which things started to make sense. I am not a necrophiliac it's just that to a budding homosexual in rural America, and that's what I was the idea of having the opportunity to touch and care for another man, and a naked man at that, seemed all but impossible outside the narrow permissible bounds of being an undertaker. I am happy to report that my interest in dead bodies went out the side door. The minute I came out the closet door, I left that town and eventually that state and and I have only been back once, ironically, for a funeral. Pam went on to business school, married a very handsome man from Chicago, and they moved to la. She is now a creative consultant for Six Feet Under. You can see her name at the end of the show in the credits. Every Halloween I get a card from her unsigned that simply says thank you.

[Dan Kennedy]

Jeffrey Rudel is a paper engineer known both for his extraordinary one of a kind paper creations and also for his easy to make online craft tutorials. His work has been exhibited at Tiffany & Co. And the new York Botanical Garden and it's been featured in the pages of Elle Decor, Brides and Good Housekeeping magazines. He lives in New York City.

[Warner Archive Advertiser]

This podcast is brought to you by the Warner Archive Collection, featuring more than 700 Warner Brothers films, TV shows and shorts on DVD for the first time. Go to warnerarchive.com and enter code MOTH at checkout for your $5 discount.

[Dan Kennedy]

So podcast listeners, I will be hosting the New York City grand slam on Thursday, November 11th. Come watch the winners of our open Mic story competitions face off and see who will be crowned the newest New York City grand slampion. Tickets will go on sale a week before the [e-mail] and you will want to get to that site quickly because these tickets notoriously sell out fast and I have abused my guest list so many times that there's no chance of me getting any of you in.

[Jay Allison]

Hello podcast listeners. This is Jay Allison, producer of the Moth Radio Hour. Our fall season is all done. It's going out to public radio stations around the country. There's a complete [e-mail] or you can just ask your station if they're carrying it. Each hour has a great roster of stories, along with interviews with storytellers, backstage stuff with the producers, and the invitation to you to pitch us your story. A lot of those pitches end up in the Radio Hour, which by the way is produced by the Moth and us at Atlantic Public Media up here in Cape Cod and presented by the public radio exchange prx.org we hope you like it.

[Dan Kennedy]

The Moth is a nonprofit organization. Consider supporting our free podcast by going to our podcast contribution page or by becoming a Moth [e-mail] Our podcast host.

[Warner Archive Advertiser]

Dan Kennedy is the author of the book Rock on An Office Power Ballad. Learn [e-mail] thanks to all of you.

[Dan Kennedy]

For listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange Helping make public radio more [e-mail].