A (0:00)

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B (1:09)

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. Before we get started, we wanted to let you know that the Moth main stage is in Los Angeles on Thursday, March 1, presented by UCLA Live in Royce hall as part of their spoken word series. For more information and tickets go to the moth.org and now let's listen to this week's story. This story you're about to hear by Jenny Allen was recorded live at the moth in 2010 and the theme of the night was raised stories of shocks, surprises and scandals.

C (1:49)

This happened to me two years ago. I sit down at my 13 year old daughter's computer because mine is in the shop and here on her computer screen is her email inbox. Now I hardly ever see her email inbox except just sometimes very fleetingly when I am passing through this little nook where we keep her computer. And the reason the computer is in this nook is that her school has told us that children shouldn't have their computers in their bedrooms but in a more public and well trafficked zone. The point of this is that this way the children will not be seduced into going on dirty websites or just spending the whole night eye chatting with their friends. So so far I am finding that this is where works a lot better than theory than in real life. In real life if I come anywhere near her computer she like throws her whole upper body over it and she says you're invading my privacy. Which I am Right. So I have kind of sort of mixed feelings about this whole privacy of the children in the computer thing. So I kind of don't know what to do about this. And anyway, she and I just both know that if she doesn't want me to see what's on her computer, all she has to do is, like, press one stroke on her keypad and whatever she's been doing is instantly disappeared and replaced by the first line of her paper on the lottery by Shirley Jackson. Anyway, but apparently she just forgot to log out last night. So I sit there and I scroll down through her email inbox because I just can't help it, but I don't read the emails, right? Even though, like, two days earlier, this guy in the Today show, a parenting expert, has told the parents of America that they can read their children's emails and they should, and not in secret. And he said that children shouldn't be doing anything on the computer that their parents shouldn't be able to see while standing over their shoulder. And I thought, you know, I wonder if this guy has ever met a teenager. I wonder if he has noticed how. How much they don't enjoy having their parents standing over their shoulder and breathing down their necks. Don't get that. But anyway, I'm thinking I have these very, again, very mixed feelings about the whole computer privacy of children kind of thing. But really, who cares if I have mixed feelings about it, right? Who cares if I have any feelings about it at all? Like, by the time I really realized that how insidious the Internet was, like, my daughter already had, you know, like, all these secret passwords and 17 Gmail accounts and IM and Facebook and ichat and, like, all these friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends. And I felt like I had hundreds and hundreds of teenagers in my house and none of them were ever, ever going to leave. But anyway, so apparently she forgot to log out. And so I decide I'm just going to, like, scroll down through those email things, and I'm reading the first line of all the emails because it's just right there in the subject line, right? And I kind of just can't help myself. And all the emails seem to be from her friends, and they're all very innocuous, even though they're kind of schizophrenic when you take them as a whole. Some of the children write very childishly, like, I am so excited for Duncan D's. And then some of them write just like gang members, like, yo, bitch, that so sucks. You have your math tutor now. But so here, just on one of the. I scroll down on one line is kind of a weird email. There's nothing in the subject line and in the email sender's email box, there's no letters or words or anything I don't recognize. Snai doesn't seem to be one of her friends. It's just a lot of numbers. And I think, like, this looks kind of like a junk email or something. And then I think, but, you know, maybe it's something like mercenary, something that's going to possibly cost me money. Like maybe she's ordered something from some online catalog and they're going to charge me on my cable bill for something every month that I didn't order unless I tell them not to. So I think, you know, I. I could open this email. This one I could open because, you know, it's impersonal and it's sort of like opening a bill, really, or like something addressed to occupant. So I'm just going to open this one. So I open the email and it is a photograph. And it's been taken at a very weird angle. And it's kind of blurry, but not so blurry that you can't see that it's been taken in a bathroom. There are these tiles on the floor and like a used towel down there and. And then these two, like big cupped bras hanging from a hook on the back of a closed door. And not so blurry that you can't see the star of the picture right here in the foreground. And it is a big, erect penis. And I think, who sent her this email, right? It's not like from an official porn site because the picture is just too bad, right? And it is too intimate. You know, that penis is just right there in your face. And I think maybe it's somebody she knows. Oh, my God. I think, are we about to be a statistic? Is somebody from Newsweek going to be calling my house, like, looking for a quote on babies having babies? My baby. My baby. She still gets the kids fair on Amtrak. And she loves strawberry milk and horses and making brownies. I think, what is going on here? Maybe it's from a stranger, like just some dirty person who got her email address and is like sending these pictures of his penis to her. Oh, that is so creepy. So I decide to print out the picture of the penis. No, Frank. I don't know why, really. I think maybe it's like evidence or something. So I do print it out and just then my Older daughter Hallie, she stops by for a little visit with her friend Desiree. Now, they are. These girls are both all grown up. They're 23 and they live in Brooklyn. And they're very cool and they're very great, and I love them. And I think, oh, thank God they are going to calm me down somehow about this penis picture. And so I say to them, look, look at this. And these two. These two New York City girls, you know, these two girls who have seen everything, they look at the picture and they say, what the hell? They have no idea what to think either. And then Desiree says, oh, she's remembered something. It's a fad. It's like a teenage thing. The boys are taking pictures of their penises on their iPhones and they are sending them to the girls on email. And now this is before there was even. This was when it was just brand new. There was no word such word as, like, sexting yet or anything. There was no name for it. And Desiree says that those numbers on the sender's email thing, those are his iPhone phone number. So Hallie says, oh, you know, mom, it's probably some boy she knows just trying to be funny. And I think, but I want to hear the boy's voice, you know, I want to hear the voice of the boy who is trying to be funny. Whatever he is trying to be, I want him to know that I know, right? So I dial the iPhone phone number. Hello. It's a teenage boy. I can hear it. And he sounds very wary. I figure he doesn't recognize my phone number on his iPhone phone pad. I say, hi, who's this? And he says, m. And he gives his name. And I have this just quick parental urge to say to him, hey, you know, you don't have to give your name to a stranger. You don't have to tell me anything. But I don't. I say, hello, Em, this is R's mother. And he says, who? And I say, r, are you a friend of hers? And he says, I guess, kinda. And I say, where do you go to school? And he tells me just like that. And it is not my daughter's school. So I'm pretty sure she doesn't know this boy that well. I have never also never heard her mention his name. And he's never come over. And she brings her friends over all the time. And I think, you know, on the other hand, if I do decide that I need to exact retribution at some point, I. I figure that it's going to take me about three minutes to find this boy and his parents just from the information he's already given me. So I say, you know, Em, I just called because I saw your iPhone phone number on my cell phone and I just couldn't figure out who had called me. And there is a long pause and he says, oh. And I think he's putting it together, right? He knows. And I say, well, nice talking to you, bye. And he says, bye. I think he could have just hung up on me, right? But he's polite, you know, he's talking to a grown up. So I figure that this is, I am thinking this is a boy who my daughter kind of knows who is just indulging in this really disgusting fad, right? And it's so disgusting, but it's so disgusting that it suddenly does seem like kind of funny to me. And I stand there with Desiree and, and Hallie and we start making jokes about Em and his member and we just laugh ourselves and we can't stop, right? We're just cracking ourselves up. And then I hear the front door opening and it's my 13 year old home from school. And now I'm still upset about the penis picture, but now I'm feeling guilty and panicked. I'm about to be busted. I've been on her email and, and I printed it out and she is just going to kill me. I think, how am I going to handle this? You know? And I think, okay, don't be dark, don't be heavy, don't make it like scary. Just be light, be light, right? And what's my choice anyway? We're all just standing there with these big grins frozen on our faces and she comes into the room and she says what? What? Because she wants to be in on the joke. And I say, honey, did you open this email in your email box? And I hold out the picture of the penis and she says, yes. Ew, it's disgusting. And I say, do you know the boy who sent you this picture? And she said, well, barely. I met him like twice. And I say, well, what's his point really? I mean, is he trying to be funny? Does he want to be your boyfriend? And she says, well, I don't know. Ew, he's disgusting. Why are you reading my email? But she's smiling though, so I know she's forgiven me, right? So for the next week or so, m and his penis become this kind of like joke in our family. And we just a little funny anecdote and we tell it and we giggle about it and we think about all the things we could say to Em if we see him about his, about his member. And you know, this seems kind of healthy, like sort of diffusing the whole situation. And I even start thinking about it as like those fads when I was young, like back in the day, like streaking, you know, and skinny dipping at rock concerts and mooning. And I say, you know, those were all about flaunting your privates, right? So like what's the difference? What's the difference between that and sending a picture of your penis on the Internet? And then I think, no, those things were all these like group romps, right? They were all just fun. And this is very, very different. And I think, you know, this was personal. This penis was meant for, for her. And I think, my God, it is not all right to send a picture of your erect penis to my 13 year old on the Internet. I can't believe how long it's taken me to get furious about this and very, very concerned and I hate myself. I can't believe I didn't say to Em while I had him on the phone, don't you ever send a picture of your penis to my daughter again. I will put you in jail. I will send you to juvie. But by now we are, we're on vacation. The summer's come and my 13 year old and I go to the country and have for a little holiday and I see her at the kitchen table and she's eating a bowl of cereal and I sit down next to her and I say, honey, did it shock you when you saw that boy's penis on the email? And she said, she says yes, just the way she says, like duh or of course, and I think, you know, of course she was shocked, right? I think I have to make it up right now to her for, for being such a terrible mother. And I say, honey, what he did was an assault and it's wrong. And bye bye, she says. And she goes right out the kitchen door. She hates talks, right? I kind of don't blame her. And then like two days later, I see her up out at the far corner of the yard and she's swinging on this wooden swing set we've had for a long time. And I remember that my other daughter, Hallie, she used to do the same thing when she was a teenager. She would just go out there and swing and swing and kind of rock herself into a kind of reverie, right? And now all these Years later, my 13 year old, she does the same thing. She goes out there and just swings and swings, and the old wooden swing set makes these creaking noises like a sailboat's mast in the sea. And I watch her and I think, has she put Em's penis out of her mind? Will she ever? She's not telling. She just keeps swinging back and forth, back and forth. Thank.