Margot Leitman & Vikki Kelleher: GrandSLAM Stories - The Moth

Summary

The Moth Podcast Summary: "Margot Leitman & Vikki Kelleher: GrandSLAM Stories"

Release Date: January 17, 2011
Host: Dan Kennedy
Episode: GrandSLAM Stories

Introduction

In this episode of The Moth, host Dan Kennedy presents two compelling GrandSLAM stories from opposite coasts, featuring Margot Leitman and Vikki Kelleher. These narratives, captured live at Moth events in New York City and Los Angeles, delve into transformative personal experiences filled with humor, vulnerability, and unexpected twists.

Margot Leitman: Teenage Romance and Awkward Encounters

Recorded: November 2010, New York City

Margot Leitman begins her story by recounting a significant growth spurt in fourth grade, where she grew six inches, reaching five foot six by the end of the year. This physical transformation left her feeling like an adult trapped in a child's body, exacerbated by the presence of baby teeth that made her smile resemble a "killer whale" (02:23).

To navigate the challenges of her new stature and avoid being ostracized, Margot clings to her friendship with Amanda, a "very pretty and very tan and normal-sized" girl. Together, they form an aspiring rock group called the Jersey Girls, spending afternoons practicing dance routines to Chaka Khan's "I Feel for You" and developing demo recordings with surprisingly sexual undertones for their age, such as the lyric "I want you inside of me."

Their daily rehearsals continue until they encounter a telephone dating service commercial, the precursor to modern internet dating. Encouraged by Amanda, Margot decides to set up her own dating profile, embracing her role as the "actress" in their duo. She crafts an audio profile using a "sexy voice" she honed from watching the film Octopussy with her parents:

“Hi, I'm Margot. I'm 5 foot 6 and 125 pounds. I have long blond hair, blue eyes, and freckles. I'm an aspiring recording artist currently working on my demo on the weekends. I like to dance. My favorite song is currently Chaka Khan's 'I feel for you.' So if you feel for me, leave me a message.” (04:10)

Margot listens to profiles from men aged 25 to 35, selecting one from a man named Paul, a 30-year-old bank teller who shares her appreciation for Chaka Khan. Their exchange of messages becomes a daily ritual, culminating in Margot daring to share her home phone number with Paul—an audacious move for a 12-year-old.

When Paul finally calls, the reality of their age difference hits hard. Her mother answers the call, and Paul quickly realizes Margot is only 12 years old, leading to an abrupt and awkward end to their budding "relationship." Margot humorously likens the experience to a "bizarre experiment in the Meisner technique," reflecting on the surreal and comedic nature of the encounter (07:45):

“It was like a bizarre experiment in the Meisner technique.” (07:15)

Margot concludes her story with a lighthearted apology to Paul, underscoring the innocence and humor inherent in youthful misadventures.

Vikki Kelleher: Finding Humor in Grief

Recorded: October 2009, Los Angeles
Theme: Transformation

Vikki Kelleher shares an emotionally charged story about the night her father passed away, blending moments of profound grief with unexpected humor. Initially intending to present an "upbeat tale," Vikki navigates the complexities of coping with loss while maintaining a sense of levity.

The story begins with an urgent call from her sister informing Vikki that her father has taken a turn for the worse. Rushing from Minnesota to Los Angeles, Vikki's anxiety is immediately diverted to mundane worries, such as whether she should tip the hospital's BB cart attendant:

“I was so freaked out. I thought maybe he'd already died. But all of my energy went into do I tip this guy.” (10:05)

Upon arrival, Vikki discovers her father is in a coma, stripping away any remaining illusions of control or closure. She poignantly observes:

“When you're in a coma, you don't learn anything. But when somebody else is in a coma, you learn a lot.” (11:30)

As weeks pass, the family decides it's time to let her father pass away. Contrary to the dramatized portrayals on television, the process is excruciatingly prolonged and interspersed with unexpected interruptions, including the arrival of an "80-year-old woman" who humorously disrupts the solemnity of the moment by repeatedly saying "cinnamon" (13:39).

During a final and intimate moment with her father, Vikki reflects on the duality of emotions—tears and laughter—realizing the absurdity and fragility of life:

“That's what I felt. That was what was inside me, was... 'Don't go, John. It's okay.'” (14:10)

This blend of sorrow and unexpected comedic elements highlights Vikki's resilience and ability to find humor amidst tragedy, providing a transformative perspective on loss.

Conclusion

Margot Leitman and Vikki Kelleher's stories exemplify the essence of The Moth: authentic, unvarnished storytelling that captures the complexities of human experience. Margot's humorous take on adolescent missteps in romance and Vikki's poignant blend of grief and laughter offer listeners relatable insights into personal transformation. These narratives not only entertain but also resonate deeply, illustrating how storytelling can bridge gaps between diverse lives and emotions.

For more stories and live events, visit themost.org.

Transcript

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Dan Kennedy (1:09)

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Margo Lightman (2:23)

Hi. So I had a giant growth spurt when I was in fourth grade. I grew six inches that year and ended the year at five foot six. Which means that I was five feet tall when I began fourth grade. Which means that in short, I was a giant child. Yet I still had all my baby teeth. So when I smiled I looked like a killer whale. It was a horrible I was kind of trapped in this grown up's body, but I was still a kid, and at the same time, I was very close. My best friend was this girl Amanda, who was very pretty and very tan and normal sized. And I needed to stick with Amanda so I wouldn't get in the freak category. I went to Amanda's house every day after school because my mom was home and her mom was not paying attention. She was busy running her bar mitzvah centerpiece, making business out of the garage. So at Amanda's house, we had two activities. One, we would practice our dance routine to Chaka Khan's I feel for you, which was very graphic, to say the least. It consisted a lot of this move. And the other activity was we worked on our demo. We were an aspiring rock group called the Jersey Girls, because we were from New Jersey and girls. And all of our songs had very sexual undertones that we didn't understand. One of the lyrics was one of our songs actually went, I want you inside of me. So there's that. This went on for a year. Every day after school, Chaka Khan, I want you inside of me. Then I go home. So eventually, we got a little bit bored. So by the end of fourth grade one day, we saw a commercial for a telephone dating service, which was the precursor to Internet dating. And Amanda turns to me and says, margot, you should set up a profile. After all, you're the actress. You're the talent in the group. And I was like, damn straight on the talent in the group. You're Garfunkel and I'm Simon. Okay? And she's like, let's set up the profile right now. So we wrote a script out, which I've memorized for you tonight. And I have to say this, I've had a lot of wonderful accomplishments and performances in my life. I've even made it on television. But to this day, this performance of my audio profile on the phone dating Service at age 12 is the single greatest performance of my entire career. And let me just say, I used a very sexy voice that I learned from a very awkward viewing of Octopussy with my parents. And this is how my audio profile went. It said, hi, I'm Margot. I'm 5 foot 6 and 125 pounds. I have long blond hair, blue eyes, and freckles. I'm an aspiring recording artist currently working on my demo on the weekends. I like to dance. My favorite song is currently Chaka Khan's I feel for you. So if you feel for me, leave me a message. And then we went and listened to about a dozen of other profiles of men we specified the age group, age 25 to 35, because I'm 12 and that makes sense. We start listening and I remember listening to one guy, Paul's audio profile very clearly. And it went. Hi, my name's Paul. I'm a 30 year old bank teller who likes to go to the beach on the weekends. I'm five feet tall. So if you think good things come in small packages, leave me a message. So I left Paul a message. One, because I really appreciate good copy. But two, Paul was a tiny grown up and I was a giant child. And I just felt like somewhere, somehow the two of us could come together and meet in the middle and just for one moment we could both feel normal. Because neither of us ever did. So I left him my profile. The next day after school, we go and we check my voicemail on the phone dating service. All charged to Amanda's mom's phone bill. And apparently Paul has an affinity for Chaka Khan too, because he left me a message back. So this goes on for weeks after school, I leave a message, he leaves a message back and forth every single day. No one's noticing. So then it comes to a point that Paul leaves me a message. Hi Marco, I'd love to talk to you one on one. Perhaps you can leave me your home phone number. So at this point I turn to Amanda, I say, I've got to get out. This has gone too far. I don't even know what the next step is. And as she goes, margo, you should do it. You should give him your own phone number. And I'll tell you why. Because Paul is rich. He's a bank teller, Margo. And then she says, and then she says to me, and if it's true love, he will wait. Paul will wait. So I called Paul, wrote a new script, took out my octopussy voice and left this message. Hi Paul, it's Margot. Sure, I'd love to talk one on one. You can call me tomorrow, not between the hours of 8 and 3, because I'll be working, I'm working on my demo and if you could call before 9, that would be great because I really like to watch elf. OK, thank you. And then I gave a tiny 30 year old bank tiller my parents home phone number so he could call me and date me and God knows what to me. And I left him the number. The next day at school, I'm freaking out, she's freaking out. I go home and I'm waiting for the call and the phone rings and my mother answers it and she Goes. She goes, hello, who's calling? Margot, it's Paul. No questions asked. I mean, and I take the phone and I want to say all these things and I pull it into the other room and I want to say I misunderstood and I'm tall and I don't feel like a kid and I hope you'll forgive me and maybe you'll wait a few years. And I take the phone and instead I go, hello? And he goes, hi, Margo, it's Paul. And I go, I'm 12 years old. And he goes, what? And I go, I'm 12 years old. He goes, you're 12 years old? I go, I'm 12 years old. He goes, you're 12 years Old? I go, I'm 12 Years Old. It was like a bizarre experiment in the Meisner technique. And then he says, well, goodbye then. And he broke up with me in that moment, which is fine because it rapidly became a bizarro, you know, To Catch a predator, where giant 12 year old girls prey on aging, insecure 30 year old bank tellers. So I just want to say I'm really sorry, Paul. Thank you.