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- [00:00]
Dan Kennedy
As we approach the end of the year, I'm thinking about the next. Next year is the year I finally make my Spanish better than my 9 year old's. Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app, and it truly immerses you in the language that you want to learn. I can't wait to use Rosetta Stone and finally speak better than my 9 year old who's been learning Spanish in his own way. Rosetta Stone is the trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users and 25 languages offered. Speaking Spanish, French, Italian, German, Korean, I could go on fast language acquisition. Rosetta Stone immerses you in many ways. There are no English translations, so you can really learn to speak, listen and think in that language. Start the new year off with a resolution you can reach today. The Moth listeners can take advantage of this Rosetta Stones lifetime membership for 50% off, visit rosettastone.com moth that's 50% off. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your Life. Redeem your 50% off@RosettaStone.com moth today.
- [01:09]
Matt Mercier
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy and it's almost Halloween and we here at the Moth wanted to get in on the spirit of the holiday. So we have a special Halloween episode for you. Of course, three stories all about things that that go bump in the middle of the night. Our first story comes to us from Matt Mercier and he told it here in New York City. The audio's a little bit rough from the archive, but I think you're gonna love the story. The theme of the night, perfect for this week's episode, was spirit. Here's Matthew.
- [01:44]
Brian Brown
I was once the caretaker of the last home of Edgar Allan Poe. It's in the Bronx. If you don't believe me, just get on the number four train to Woodlawn, get off at the Kingsbridge Road station, take a right until you hit the Grand Concourse. And there it sits, this little 19th century clapboard farm cottage situated at the northern end of a little teardrop shaped park, oddly enough called Poe Park. I lived in the basement of the cottage. We called it the gated community of one. It was a large I lived in the basement, came out of my hobbit hole every Saturdays from 10 to 4 and Sundays from 1 to 5 to give guided tours of the cottage. That was the deal. You lived in the cottage, you got free rent, gave tours on the weekends. So you know, here's Poe's kitchen, here's his stove, here's Poe's rocking chair. Here is his mirror. Here's the bronze bust of Poe, very dramatic, sitting right there. Here's the bed that his wife died on of tuberculosis at the age of 25. You know, that was really a big hit. So I loved it. You know, I got free rent for five years and I never had to do anything more than that. And so I met many interesting people, including the gentleman who showed up at my door one Saturday in October. It was about 3:56pm remember, Saturdays from 10 to 4, he shows up at my door, 3:56pm dressed all in purple. Purple shoes, purple pants, purple vestments, and a large purple turban wrapping his head. It was kind of waving back and forth and he's like, I've come all the way from la. I'm a huge Poe fan. I know it's late, but I would really love a tour of the cottage. I said, oh, I don't know why, but I said, sure, come on in. I gave him a tour, brought him up to the attic, showed him the 20 minute video, left him alone for a while, Let him. I went back to the gift shop, was gussing it up, you know, getting ready to close the cottage down about quarter to five. Now it's getting dusk, we're in the Bronx, remember? So I go back into the parlor because I hear something. I hear a voice. I think it must be him talking to himself. I go back into the parlor. He is seated at the base of the bronze bust of Poe, seated in the lotus position, eyes closed, oming all right, I don't blink. I just go, excuse me, sir, it's time to close up the cottage. Looks up at me and like, he has these big eyes. He doesn't get. Doesn't stand up. He stays seated. And he's like, oh, I know it's late, but I was wondering if I could ask you another favor. I know it's terribly late, but I was wondering if you would mind if I would perform a seance. I said, no, I don't really want to do that. He's like, oh, but it would mean so much to me in Egder. You have no idea. I traveled all the way from LA to do this. This is a perfect time to. Do you know what today is? I was like, no, what's today? He's like, it's October 7th. And I had gone through all the dates in my head, and then I remembered. I was like, oh, October 7th. That's the anniversary of Poe's death. All right. He'd Planned this. He was there. He's like, it would be the perfect time. It would mean so much to me. I was like, sir, I have to close up the cottage. I really do. He said, no, we have to. He started showing me. He's like, we call on the ancients. We call on the spirit of Edgar and Poe. And I have no. I consider myself a rational man, all right? Logic and reason are my twin gods, all right?
- [05:15]
Joe Charnicky
Okay?
- [05:15]
Brian Brown
But I lived in that basement for five years, all right? I live in that basement for five years. I met my wife there. She was a tourist, you know? It was a great ending, all right? I consider. I consider myself a rational man, right? But no matter what you believe, you spend five years in that cottage, mostly alone, you know, by yourself. There's something there, right? There is something there. And this man is going to fuck with. What's he gonna do? Call up the spirit of Poe and then go back to LA and leave me rotting in the basement in the Bronx? You know, with the spirit of Poe walking around going, why the hell am I back? I was much happier when I was dead. You know? Nobody loved my stuff when I was. I'm beside myself. And this man is a big man. I can't just push him up. I can't pull him up. I can't call the police and go, hey, what? You know, so what am I gonna do? And he's like. He's, like, chanting and doing all this weird stuff. And then I was like, you know, I was like, you know, he didn't die here. You know, he didn't die in this house. His spirit's not here. He died in Baltimore. Right on the streets, drunk. You should go to Baltimore. They have a museum there with a caretaker there. You should go there. You really should. I really think, you know, he's like. And for a moment, I thought I had him. He looked at me like. I thought he would have known this, right? But no, he didn't. He's like, what do you mean? He didn't die? No, his wife died here, but he didn't. No, he's. No, he's gone. He's not here. No, no, no, we have to do it here. Well, we have to do it here. And he's, like, really angry now. He's like, we call on the spirits of nature and Poe in Virginia, and he's going on and on and on. I don't know what to do. I'm at my wit's end. He's there. I just don't want him in the house anymore. Forget it. But I really think he's gonna do something, right. He looks like a professional, so I thought, he's really gonna do this, and I don't want the spirit of Po in my house. It's my house too, you know? So he goes on for, like, five minutes. I'm going back and forth, and finally he turns to me, breaks off his chanting, and goes, do you think. One more question. Do you think my car would be safe? I said, your car? He's like, yeah, I'm from la. You know, we drive everywhere. I couldn't stand those filthy subways. I drove up here. It's parked out there on the concourse. Do you think it'll be safe? I said, I don't know. Do you have the club? And he said, the club? Whoa. Is it that kind of neighborhood? I was like, buddy, where do you think you are? You're in the Bronx. I never saw a man move so fast. He was like a transformer. He just jumped out of that lotus position and shot out the front gate. His turbine was flying in the wind. And I ran after him with my padlock and shot at the gate. Ran back to the cottage, sat in the parlor, looked up at the bust, talked to it, which I often did. I was like, so, Edgar, you okay? You're right. It was quiet, serene. Nothing had happened. And the spirit of the Bronx had once again triumphed over the spirit of Poe.
- [08:18]
Matt Mercier
Matt Mercier is a writer and storyteller living and teaching in New York City. He's worked as a hostel manager and fish packer, and he served seven years as caretaker and head docent of the Edgar Allan Poe cottage in the Bronx. He's just finished a novel about working for Poe called Poe's Basement. Our next story was told by Brian Brown at a story Islam back in 2012. The theme of the night was haunted. Here's Brian live in Los Angeles.
- [08:52]
Joe Charnicky
So they said if you listened really carefully late at night when the entire camp was sleeping, that you could hear it. The sounds of Mookie the Monkey wandering through the cabins of Circle F Dude Ranch camp and sharpening his knives. They said that Mookie had been a camper at Circle F back in the 60s. And Mookie the Monkey wasn't his real name, but he was like this weirdo who only liked to climb trees. And at meals, he only ate buttered white bread. And so he had no friends until one day this kid Jimmy climbed up this tree in the middle of the camp. And when he got to, like, the highest branch he found that he was face to face with Mookie the Monkey. And Mookie asked Jimmy if he wanted to be friends. And Jimmy said, sure. And so Mookie led him out of the tree and back to their cabin. And he pulled his trunk out from beneath his bed, and Mookie turned to Jimmy, and he gave him this really weird smile. And then he threw the trunk open. And Jimmy didn't know what to do because Mookie didn't have any clothes in his trunk. There, like, wasn't a swimsuit or a towel. There was just a giant collection of knives. And so that night, their cabin went out to have a wrestling match in the woods. And when it was Jimmy's turn, everybody was like, you gotta go against Mookie. And he didn't want to do it, but everyone was, like, pushing him to do it. And so he grabbed Mookie in this hold. And then everybody was cheering and going crazy. And so Jimmy got caught up in the moment, and they shoved Mookie's head down in the sand. And when he pulled it up, he saw that Mookie was crying, and he felt bad, and he let him go. And Mookie ran off into the woods, and they searched for hours, and nobody could find him. And after a while, they took the kids back to their cabin and they kept searching for Mookie. And then Jimmy remembered what Mookie had shown him, and he ran to his bed, and he pulled the trunk out from beneath it, and he opened it. And none of the other kids could understand why Jimmy was so upset. Because it was just an empty trunk. You can figure out where it goes from there. Mookie comes back, kills everybody, and is now said to wander the woods of Circle F looking for his next victim. He also made my life a living hell, because some. After I graduated from college, I was a camp counselor at Circle F. And I was in charge of the youngest cabin. So it was a dozen seven year olds that I was in charge of for an entire summer. And Mookie the Monkey scared the shit out of them. Like, every night they'd be up in the rafters, like, pointing to hand and footprints being like, Mookie left those, like, completely missing. The fact that they were leaving hand in footprints to scare the shit out of themselves. The next day, they couldn't go to sleep. And so I tried to stop it. And I got word out to all the older campers that anyone who told my kids about Mookie the Monkey would have to answer to me. But by that Point it was too late, and just the name itself was too powerful. Just the name, the word Mookie would make my kids cry. I was, like, sleeping one night, and this kid shook me awake. And there was this kid Brandon. He was the smallest kid in my camp, and he's just standing there by my bed, sobbing. And I'm like, brandon, what's wrong? And he's like, mookie. I'm like, you don't even know what Mookie is. And he said, but I know it's bad. And so I had to stay up the entire night with Brandon. And the next morning, I was exhausted and just fed up. And so I gathered all my kids around before breakfast, and I said, okay, guys, do you really want to hear the real story of Mookie the monkey? And they looked at each other all nervously and sort of, like, nodded and was like, okay. But the first thing you got to know is you have the name all wrong. His name is actually Shmoopy. I was like, yeah. And Shmoopy was a kid who loves Circle F because everyone here was his friend. And one day, he showed his best, best friend, this kid Jimmy, that in his trunk, he didn't have any clothes. Instead, it was filled with lollipops. And that night, when their cabin went out to make s'mores, Shmoopy decided that he loved Circle F so much that he never wanted to leave. And so he ran off into the woods, and no one could ever find him. But now he just, like, hangs out at Circle F, having a great time, and he leaves lollipops for all the good campers. And the kids, like, had this look on their face, and they're like, the older kids are afraid of that. I was like, yeah. I don't know. Like, it's so stupid. Yeah, it's the dumbest thing ever. And they were so happy, we ran off to breakfast. We had this amazing day. And that night, slept through the entire night. Every single camper slept. It was amazing. And so the next day, while they were off doing activities, I got a bag of lollipops, and I went. And I left one on each of their pillows because, like, they were great kids. And, like, this whole Mookie garbage aside, they were responsible for one of the best summers of my life. And so that night, after the dance, as we were walking back to the cabin, they all sprinted ahead of me, and I watched them go, and I. I felt really proud of myself because, like, I'd made them feel safe. I made their summer better. I'd made a difference. And then I heard this blood curdling scream and I went running to the cabin and I go in and all the kids are on my bed and there's a pile of lollipops on the floor. And Brandon goes, shmoopy's real. I said, I don't know, maybe. And he said, so that means there's an old man who lives in the woods and watches us and just left candy on all of our beds, which, when you put it that way, is terrifying. And so I didn't sleep again for the rest of the summer. Even on the nights when my kids were too exhausted to climb into the rafters and look for footprints, I was still there, awake, imagining that I could hear it just outside the cabin screen windows. A sound so much more terrifying than someone sharpening knives. The sound of an old man watching my kids and sucking on a lollipop. Thanks.
- [14:31]
Matt Mercier
Brian Brown is a writer in Los Angeles and has emailed to let us know that quote, I now have a daughter of my own whom I can accidentally terrify. Our third and final story on the podcast this week is from Joe Charnicky. It was told at our Grand Slam here in New York City at the Music hall of Williamsburg in 2015. It's a really fun night and the theme was now or never. Here's Joe.
- [15:04]
E
When you're a teenager in a small town and it's the weekend and you're a little bored and your friends say, oh, we should drive to that haunted, abandoned insane asylum tonight, even if they don't use the word dare, you know what they mean. You have to say, yes. There's no turning around. There's no turning away. There's no turning back. You ignore the voices of fear and anxiety and good old fashioned common sense and you say, yes. I said, yeah, that's awesome. We should totally do that. There were six of us on the adventure that night. We took two cars. I drove my Aunt Gloria's dark gray Honda Civic, which I think she knew I was borrowing that night. She started to get forgetful around this time, to tell you the truth, Years later, we realized these were the first signs of her early onset dementia setting in. My friend Gumby, his nickname was Gumby. We called him Gumby. Gumby drove the other car and he brought with him a video camera. He wanted to capture the ghosts on tape. I think this was more of a science experiment for him. You had to drive down this long, narrow, windy, sketchy dirt road to get to the haunted, abandoned insane Asylum, of course. And when you arrived there, it was set against the moonlight with nothing around you but woods and wind and the whispers of your fears. As soon as we got there, two of my friends grabbed Gumby's video camera and they ran with a baseball bat that we brought, because that's how you fight ghosts. They ran to the back of the building so they could go inside, and Gumby and some others went after them. And then I went, you know, at my own pace, a little slower. I wasn't scared. Don't say that. I just. I was a methodical, pragmatic young man. And look, ghosts or no ghosts, who knows what or who could be in an abandoned building in the middle of nowhere? But I was, you know, calming myself, and I was saying, joe, it's gonna be fine. They're gonna go in there. They're not gonna see anything. And then we can go home and have chicken wings and watch 120 Minutes on MTV like we always do. And as I was giving myself this little pep talk, I heard a boom, a crash, a bang, a smash from inside the building. And I froze on the spot. I think I heard a werewolf in the distance, but that might have been my imagination. And then twice as fast as they ran toward the building, my friends came running away from the building, and they were screaming, we gotta get out of here. There are people inside now. I don't know what kind of people. Living, dead. I wasn't gonna ask. I just booked it back to the car with them. Now, one of my friends is still carrying Gumby's video camera, and it's running. And we play the tape later, and all you can hear is. And he dives into Gumby's car. And in the background, you can hear the scream, screeching sound of that Civic tearing down the dirt road with me behind the wheel. In my rear view mirror, I can see Gumby's headlights, so I know he made it out okay. And behind him, I see another pair of headlights, which is weird because we didn't bring a third car. And it's now when I realize we are being chased down this windy, sketchy dirt road away from the haunted, abandoned insane asylum. Now, one of the guys who was in the building is in the car with me, and I'm like, dude, what happened? What did you see? And he's like, there were people in the rafters, and we saw their faces, and they were throwing things at us. Now they're chasing us. And I was like, I know they're chasing us, and I should have known. Because you know what? Ghosts are never the problem. People. People are the problem. Now, right now, Gumby's car is, like, on my bumper. I'm afraid he's gonna monster truck me over the street. But I'm going as fast as I can while trying to maintain control of the Civic. But eventually, we hit a curve the Honda can't handle. And we start skidding, sliding Dukes of Hazzard style, sideways. And we crash into some bushes or small trees or some debris, whatever. Everybody's fine. We all jump out of the car. Gumby's car pulls behind us. All those guys jump out of the car. We have our baseball bat. Because here comes the third car. And the third car pulls up, and the driver yells out the window, are you guys okay? Did you have a crash? What's the matter? It's like a dude. It's like a suburban dad. It's a coincidence. He's on this road, and we're like, yeah, we're fine. Get out of here. You're not even a ghost. So the car is all scratched along the driver's side. The front left wheel is, like, really mangled. It was drivable, though, so I was able to get home. But if I was nervous about our ghost hunt, the true point of no return was on the horizon. I had to tell my parents what happened to Aunt Gloria's car. So I woke up the next morning, and my dad's not home. And that's good. Cause I can talk to my mom first by herself. So I take her outside, and I show her the car, and I tell her what happened and where we were and what we were doing. And she's kind of taking it all in. And we go inside, and she says, joseph, you cannot tell your father what happened to this car. He will never let you drive again. And I am not driving you everywhere you go. So as we're discussing this, the front door opens, and we know it's my dad. Now, my dad, he always called my mom dear. Sweet, right? No matter what his tone of voice or his mood, it might be dear. It might be dear. This time it was dear. And we're like, oh, this is not good. But he comes into the kitchen, and he looks at my mom, and he says, did you see what Gloria did to that car? And I look at my mom, and she is all business. She is game face. She is focused. And I think, it's up to me. I have to do this. I have to take responsibility. I mean, can I really let poor Aunt Gloria in her early onset dementia take the blame for my Haunted Honda car crash. Yes I can. And I did. And I got away with it. Thank you very much.
- [21:18]
Matt Mercier
Joe Charnicky is a Moth Story slam winner from New York and a writer performer of the solo storytelling show Joe Charnitzky's Funeral. He was also a producer of the short film series Exposure. That's all for this week. Thanks to you guys for listening. We hope you have a safe and story worthy Halloween.
- [21:39]
Dan Kennedy
Dan Kennedy is the author of the books Loser Goes First, Rock on and American Spirit. He's also a regular host and performer.
- [21:47]
Matt Mercier
With the Moth Podcast, production by Timothy Lou Lee. Moth events are recorded by Argo Studios in New York City, supervised by Paul Rue West. The Moth Podcast is presented by prx, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public@prx.org.