Podcast Summary: The Moth – Mike Destefano: The Junkie and The Monk
Episode Information
- Title: Mike Destefano: The Junkie and The Monk
- Release Date: October 12, 2009
- Host/Author: The Moth
- Recorded At: The Moth main stage, January 2009
- Theme: In Harm's Stories about Danger
Introduction
Mike Destefano, a stand-up comedian, shares a deeply personal and transformative story that intertwines his struggles with addiction, profound personal losses, and a life-altering encounter with a Buddhist monk. His narrative captures themes of pain, resilience, and unexpected redemption.
Childhood & Early Life
Mike begins by reflecting on his childhood, describing himself as an inherently joyful child despite facing hardships.
- Notable Quote ([02:30]):
"When I was a kid, I had a spark in me. I was always a happy kid. I always had a little bit of a flame going and nothing could really knock it out."
He touches upon the absence of his mother and the abuse from his father, highlighting the challenges he faced early on.
- Notable Quote ([02:45]):
"I was beaten by my father and my mother wasn't around much."
Struggles with Addiction
Mike discusses his battle with addiction, emphasizing his and his wife's efforts to recover and build a life together.
- Notable Quote ([06:20]):
"We were former drug addicts, recovering people. So drug. Like, if you cut my leg off, I would be upset. But if you gave me heroin right afterwards, I'd be, eh, I can handle it."
Wife's Illness
He shares the heart-wrenching experience of caring for his wife, who was battling AIDS and coping with immense pain.
- Notable Quote ([05:10]):
"I got to get out of this hospital. I got to get home and take care of her, you know, because that's all I did, was take care of my wife. That was my life, my job. And I loved it."
Health Crisis
At 28, Mike faces a severe health scare when he collapses at a supermarket and is diagnosed with pneumonia.
- Notable Quote ([03:15]):
"I had double lobal pneumonia in all five of the lobes. There's only four lobes. That's why it's funny. I'm a comedian."
Buddhist Encounter
In his quest for peace, Mike visits a Buddhist center where he meets a Tibetan monk who profoundly impacts his perspective.
- Notable Quote ([10:50]):
"I was holding it. And he blessed these beads for me, by the way. So I just. Every time I touched those beads, I thought of him."
Mike describes the monk's meditation practice and the serene influence it had on him during his hospital stay.
- Notable Quote ([13:30]):
"He puts his hands out like he did before. Again and he put his head out... I felt really relaxed."
Loss of Wife
Tragedy strikes again when Mike learns of his wife's car accident, leading to her eventual death despite his efforts to care for her.
- Notable Quote ([15:45]):
"They told me she was gone... I never stayed home. I stayed with her every night. Her mother was in town, so I took a night and stayed home. And she died that night."
Loss of Father
Nine months after his wife's death, Mike receives the devastating news of his father's passing, compounding his grief.
- Notable Quote ([17:20]):
"It was a total fucking decision that I've pretty much had enough of this. There is no more nothing else to live for, and I'm done."
Moment of Crisis
Overwhelmed by cumulative losses, Mike contemplates ending his life, feeling that he has nothing left to live for.
- Notable Quote ([17:50]):
"I'm really gonna fucking die. This is so great. Like, I was thrilled and at peace. I couldn't wait."
Encounter with the Monk
On the plane, Mike unexpectedly meets Lama Chmed, the same monk from the Buddhist center, who performs a tonglen meditation with him—a practice of giving and taking suffering.
- Notable Quote ([18:20]):
"That's what he did... He said, West Palm Beach. And I said, what is she. Well, he's just letting you know that you're in West Palm Beach."
The monk's intervention transforms Mike's perspective, providing him with the peace and strength to continue living.
- Notable Quote ([18:35]):
"I am happy. And all my life, God, or the universe, whatever the fuck's running this thing, would always go, yeah, it's really awful now, you're almost out of hope. But here's a little something to keep you going."
Resolution
Inspired by the monk's compassion and the practice of tonglen, Mike decides to abandon his suicidal plans. He returns home, quits his job as a comedian, and embraces a new lease on life.
Conclusion
Mike Destefano's story is a poignant testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Through immense personal loss and despair, an unexpected encounter with a compassionate monk provides the turning point that saves his life. His journey from darkness to redemption underscores the profound impact that kindness and understanding can have on an individual's path to healing.
Notable Quotes Summary:
- Childhood Resilience ([02:30]):
"I always had a little bit of a flame going and nothing could really knock it out."
- Struggle with Addiction ([06:20]):
"If you gave me heroin right afterwards, I'd be, eh, I can handle it."
- Buddhist Influence ([10:50]):
"Every time I touched those beads, I thought of him."
- Moment of Crisis ([17:50]):
"I'm really gonna fucking die. This is so great. Like, I was thrilled and at peace."
- Encounter with Monk ([18:35]):
"Here's a little something to keep you going."
Attributions:
- Host Introduction & Event Promotion: Dan Kennedy ([01:21] – [02:24] & [18:37] – [19:09])
- Mike Destefano's Story: Mike Destefano ([02:24] – [18:37])
Disclaimer: This summary is based on the transcript provided and aims to capture the essence and key moments of Mike Destefano's story as presented on The Moth podcast.