Sevanne Kassarjian: Bedtime in Iran

Summary

Summary of "Bedtime in Iran" by Sivan Kassarjian

Presented on The Moth Podcast, released April 16, 2012

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Introduction

In the poignant and evocative story, "Bedtime in Iran," Sivan Kassarjian recounts her childhood experiences growing up in Iran during the tumultuous period of the Iranian Revolution. Told live at The Moth in 2001 under the theme of "past tense," her narrative delves into themes of family, freedom, and the loss of innocence amidst political upheaval.

Setting the Scene

Sivan begins her story by painting a vivid picture of her family's life in Iran. At eight years old, she was living in an environment of increasing tension as the Iranian Revolution took hold. Her father had established a business school, and her mother a women’s college and university, symbolizing a blend of education and progressive ideals within a society on the brink of drastic change.

"I carefully felt my way into the completely pitch black living room and in the silence I could hear my parents breathing." (02:10)

The Imposition of Curfew

As the revolution intensified, a strict curfew was enforced nightly at 9:00 PM. Electricity was cut off, and the streets were patrolled by soldiers armed with guns and tanks. The pervasive fear of punishment for venturing outside after curfew created an atmosphere of silence and restlessness within the household.

"Every night at 9:00 a curfew was imposed. All the electricity in the country was turned off, and you were not allowed out of your house." (04:25)

Sivan's Rebellion: Declaring Bedtime

Growing up without the structured rules that she observed during family visits to America, Sivan felt constrained by the lack of bedtime and the oppressive environment. In an act of subtle rebellion, she began declaring various bedtimes at random hours, disrupting the enforced silence and prompting her parents to engage more, albeit still within the constraints of their fears.

"I started announcing at random moments, 'Okay, it's my bedtime.' And every time my parents would always say, 'Okay, sweetie, if you really want to, as they did that night in the silent darkness.'" (06:15)

The Flight Plan and Emergency Bags

Aware of the increasing dangers, Sivan took measures to prepare for a possible sudden departure. She meticulously packed emergency overnight bags, selecting a different stuffed animal to ensure its survival alongside hers. This habit underscored her anxiety and the omnipresent threat of instability.

"Every day I'd repack mine and I'd choose a different stuffed animal that was going to make it out alive with me." (08:00)

Encounter with Mariam’s House

Mariam, a beloved neighbor with eighteen sons, represented a semblance of normalcy and warmth in Sivan's life. Her visits to Mariam's house were a respite from the oppressive atmosphere at home. However, this relationship took a dramatic turn one night when Sivan ventured out under the guise of bedtime, seeking refuge.

"I ran out into the alley and I ran down the alley and there was a slight incline... I ran all the way to the end and got to Mariam's door, and I knocked on the door and nothing happened." (10:30)

The Terror of the Revolution

As Sivan fled to Mariam's house, the reality of the revolution's reach became starkly evident. The appearance of a tank with flashlights signaled imminent danger, forcing her to seek shelter. Mariam’s usually affectionate demeanor shifted drastically under pressure, reflecting the fear and suspicion permeating society.

"All I could think of was the princess and the pea. Only I'd always been the princess and now I was the pea." (09:50)

Forced Shelter and the Clash

Inside Mariam's home, Sivan encountered a tense environment. Despite her attempts to find safety, she was subjected to confusion and fear, leading to a confrontation that left her feeling alienated and endangered. The enforced silence and suspicion culminated in Mariam's stern rejection.

"You go home. You go home very fast. You are not our friend. You are dangerous." (10:55)

Return to a Fragile Safety

After the harrowing experience, Sivan returned to her own home, where her father greeted her with a mix of relief and anger. This reunion highlighted the fine line between safety and fear that her family navigated daily.

"Omg, I didn't know where you were. Are you okay? Are you okay?" (11:10)

Reflections on Freedom and Oppression

Sivan reflects on the broader implications of her childhood experiences, drawing connections between personal freedom and political oppression. She discusses the paradox of forced education and the loss of freedom for a nomadic people, emphasizing the complexities of seeking progress within restrictive societal structures.

"They were struggling with freedom and oppression, and people were worried about secret police and spies all over the city." (07:30)

Conclusion

"Bedtime in Iran" is a powerful testament to the resilience of a child navigating the dangers of political unrest. Sivan's narrative not only captures the fear and uncertainty of life during the Iranian Revolution but also underscores the enduring human spirit in the face of adversity. Her story serves as a poignant reminder of the personal costs of societal upheaval and the longing for safety and normalcy.

Notable Quotes

• "I carefully felt my way into the completely pitch black living room and in the silence I could hear my parents breathing." — Sivan Kassarjian (02:10)

• "Every night at 9:00 a curfew was imposed. All the electricity in the country was turned off, and you were not allowed out of your house." — Sivan Kassarjian (04:25)

• "I started announcing at random moments, 'Okay, it's my bedtime.' And every time my parents would always say, 'Okay, sweetie, if you really want to, as they did that night in the silent darkness.'" — Sivan Kassarjian (06:15)

• "You go home. You go home very fast. You are not our friend. You are dangerous." — Mariam (10:55)

Insights and Themes

• Loss of Innocence: Sivan's story reflects the abrupt end of childhood normalcy due to political unrest.

• Family Dynamics: The tension between parents' fear and Sivan's yearning for structure highlights the emotional strain within families during crises.

• Freedom vs. Oppression: The narrative explores the complexities of seeking freedom within an oppressive regime.

• Resilience and Adaptation: Sivan's inventive approach to establishing her own bedtime illustrates resilience in the face of uncertainty.

Conclusion

Sivan Kassarjian's "Bedtime in Iran" is a compelling and heartfelt recounting of a child's struggle for safety and normalcy during one of Iran's most challenging periods. Through vivid storytelling and emotional honesty, she invites listeners to understand the personal impact of political conflict and the enduring hope for peace and stability.

Transcript

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[Dan Kennedy]

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This week's story by Savon Kazarjian was told live at the moth in 2001. The theme of the night was past tense, future perfect stories about generations.

[Sivan Kazarjian]

I carefully felt my way into the completely pitch black living room and in the silence I could hear my parents breathing. I took a moment and I said, it's my bedtime. I was about 8 years old and we were living in Iran. We had moved there when I was 2 and my father had built a business school and my mother had built a women's college and then a university. And it was dark and silent because the Iranian revolution, which had been brewing for years, had begun. And every night at 9:00 a curfew was imposed. All the electricity in the country was turned off and you were not allowed out of your house. Soldiers patrolled the streets with guns and tanks and we all heard the horror stories of what happened if you were found out after curfew so we spent a lot of quiet, restless nights. And my parents would just sit in the dark, sometimes talk, and sometimes not. And I would say, well, what are you doing? And they would say, we're thinking. And I'd say, what are you thinking about? And they'd say lots of things. And I'd say, well, why don't you light a candle? Tell me a story. Why don't you talk? What are you doing? And finally, I brought in an old game, the bedtime game. You see, I didn't have a bedtime I never had. And a few years before, we'd gone to America to visit friends and family, and we'd stayed with several families that had kids my age. And they all had all sorts of things I didn't have. They had Flintstones vitamins and Fruit Loops. But they also had a lot of rules, and I didn't have any rules. They had chores they had to do and they had words they couldn't say. But worst of all, every night at some point in the evening when there were other kids, someone would announce, okay, it's bedtime. Everyone has a bedtime except for Vani. So when we got back to Iran, I started announcing at random moments, okay, it's my bedtime. And the first night it was about 10 o'clock, and then the next night it was about 7, 7 o'clock. And a few days later it was about 3 in the afternoon. And every time my parents would always say, okay, sweetie, if you really want to, as they did that night in the silent darkness. Okay, if that's what you want to do. And of course, that was no fun at all. So I felt my way in the dark house into the hallway and kicked our overnight bags. We had to keep these emergency overnight bags for the last few weeks, but by the door, just in case we had to leave suddenly. And every day I'd repack mine and I'd choose a different stuffed animal that was going to make it out alive with me. And I rattled around the empty house feeling sort of caged in. You see, I'd come from this long line of pioneers, of free thinkers, of mold breakers and, you know, I mean, all sorts of members of my family. The most famous one, Margaret Mead, was my grandmother. And you've heard about a lot of her mold breaking. But it was throughout her life. I mean, when she got married for the first time, she made headlines all across America because she said she was going to keep her own name. And then in college, when her anthropology professor suggested that she go and study Native Americans. She said, no, I'm going to the South Seas. And when she had a baby, she insisted that a man come in and film it in the delivery room. And the nurses would have nothing to do with that kind of delivery. When she got older and she hurt her ankle. And a doctor said, you're going to need help walking. She refused to be stooped over a cane. And instead decided she was going to have a thumbstick and stand tall. And I was trying to stand tall in that house. Feeling my way around. And I very carefully felt my way through this large black velvet curtain. That hung and protected us from the cold wind through the back door. And our dog had started peeing on this curtain. And my mom said it was because he felt the tension in the household. And I pushed my way through the curtain to where the back door was. And I put my hand on the knob and I opened it. And the street was just as dark and quiet as the house was. And I tried to look down the alley. We were at the. It was a dead end alley behind our house at the back door. And we were at the dead end. And at the open end was Mariam's house. And Mariam was my favorite neighbor. I would go and knock on Mariam's door. And she'd open the door and take me into her arms. And hold me against her huge bosom. And then she'd pinch my cheeks until they turned purple. And tell me she wanted to eat my liver. Which was a very common endearment to children. And then she'd take me into her house. And Maryam loved me. And, I mean, I was really cute. But I think it was because she had 18 sons. And I always knew what to expect at Mariam's house. She always just played with my hair for a while. And then she let me help her out with the duties around the house. And there were all sorts of things that we were all expected to do. Me and whatever sons happened to be around that day. And as I looked out into the cold night. And imagined I could see Maryam's door down at the end of the alley. Suddenly I heard a low grinding sound far off. And I kept listening, and it got louder and louder. And as I looked down the alley to the open end. All of a sudden, as it got really loud. I saw the arc of flashlights that showed a tank rolling by. And I suddenly closed the door. A few minutes later, I saw the flashlights on the door. On the frosted glass of our back door. And I waited. And they went Away. And the grinding sound went away. And I opened the door again and just ran out. And I ran out into the alley and I ran down the alley and there was a slight incline. You know, when you run at night, you feel like you're running faster than you ever run during the day. And I ran all the way to the end and got to Mariam's door, and I knocked on the door and nothing happened. So I knocked again and nothing happened again. And all of a sudden I realized where I was. And I realized that at any moment the soldiers could come back. And our door seemed really, really far away. So I knocked again and I screamed out, you have to let me in or the soldier would kill me. And someone inside screamed back, which was the worst thing I'd ever heard at the age of eight. And it basically means get lost, only really mean. And so I knocked again and I said, please, and nothing happened. And then suddenly the door opened and Aaron came out and pulled me in. And I could tell it was Mariam, only she didn't hug me and she didn't pinch my cheeks. She started pulling me back into the house and she smelled kind of sour and she was mumbling and sweet, swearing under her breath. And she pulled me into the back of the house where I'd never been before, and down some stairs. I didn't know we were there, so I kind of stumbled and I kept bumping into walls and furniture. And finally we got into this back room and she threw me up against this really soft surface. And I realized it was that pile of mattresses of futons that exist in every middle class Iranian household. And she lifted up a futon and shoved my head down and shoved me inside the mattresses and stuffed my feet in behind me. And it closed behind me. And all I could think of was the princess and the pea. Only I'd always been the princess and now I was the pea. And I look back now and I see and understand what was happening in Iran during that revolution in a whole new way. I mean, they were struggling with freedom and oppression, and people were worried about secret police and spies all over the city. And they were worried about what they could say and what they could do. And then there were the forced freedoms. Women were forbidden to wear veils that covered their faces by Reza Shah. And my mother worked at a women's college. And the women there were always in conflict. Some of them with their families, were wearing miniskirts and short sleeves. And their families said it was indecent. And they were showing Too much skin. And some of the students were in conflict with the university who said they couldn't come to class if they were wearing veils. And of course, we think, how great a woman's college in Iran, that's terrific. But when you're a nomadic people and your children are suddenly forced to go to school, you're not free to move anymore. And I reached my hand out from the mattresses to try and find the air of where I'd been pushed in. And suddenly something came in and grabbed me by the leg and yanked me out that way. And it was Reza, one of Mariam's sons. And he was also mumbling and swearing under his breath. And I was fluent in Persian and I couldn't understand a word he was saying. And he pushed me back through the house and I stumbled on the same stairs that I didn't know were there. And we got to the front of the house and Mariam was there. And she said in a very, very loud whisper, you go home. You go home very fast. You are not our friend. You are dangerous. And they opened the door and pushed me out and closed the door. And I ran as fast as I could. And I was crying and my knees were shaking and I fell against the walls as I sort of went up the alleyway and I almost fell against someone else's door. And I thought, no, no, I can't knock on their door either. They've always been really nice neighbors, but I've been an enemy. Bother them right now. And I got back up to our door and I opened the door and I went in and I pushed through the velvet curtain. And my dad was standing in the hallway and he saw me and he came and he grabbed me and he started crying too. And he said, oh my God, I didn't know where you were. Are you okay? Are you okay? I said, I'm fine. And I was crying, I'm fine. It's okay, Daddy, I'm back. And he said, I was so nervous, I didn't know what happened. And then he got very angry. He said, don't you ever, ever do that again. I need to know where you are every minute. And I felt really safe. I said, daddy, I think it's my bedtime. And he said, yes, it is.

[Dan Kennedy]

Sivan Kasarjian left Tehran with her mother the day before the airport closed. She now lives in New York City with her husband and two little boys. Sivan specializes in theater based executive education, supporting clients to develop authentic high impact communication. She looks forward to the opportunity to make good on many invitations from old friends in Iran to take her family and visit the country and people she loves and misses. The Moth is a non profit organization, so consider supporting our free podcast by going to our podcast contribution page or by becoming a Moth member and you can do [e-mail] Our podcast host, Dan.

[Sivan Kazarjian]

Kennedy is the author of the book Rock An Office Power Ballad. Learn [e-mail] thanks to all of you.

[Dan Kennedy]

For listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange helping make public public radio more [e-mail].