Summary of "Simon Doonan: Fear of Squat" – The Moth Podcast

Introduction

In the episode titled "Simon Doonan: Fear of Squat," hosted by Dan Kennedy and featured on The Moth podcast, Simon Doonan, the Creative Director of Barneys New York and bestselling author, recounts a humorous and insightful story from his early days working in fashion retail in Los Angeles during the early 1980s. Recorded live at The Moth main stage in 2006, this tale delves into themes of identity, societal expectations, and the absurdities of consumer culture.

Setting the Scene: 1980s Los Angeles Fashion Scene ([02:45])

Simon begins his story by painting a vivid picture of Los Angeles in the early 1980s, emphasizing the vibrant yet challenging environment of the fashion industry. He describes his workplace—a prestigious clothing store named Maxfield, located on Santa Monica next to the iconic Troubadour. As a window dresser, Simon felt relegated to the back lines, observing from afar as high-fashion items were purchased by celebrities like Joni Mitchell, Jackson Browne, Fleetwood Mac, and Cher.

“We were all very poor. We had no money. We'd arrive every morning in our beaten-up Camaros with flip flops on and with mufflers dragging in the parking lot.” ([03:30])

Encounter with the Aerobics Enthusiast ([04:50])

Simon narrates a pivotal moment when he encounters a coworker dressed extravagantly in Lycra and leg warmers while doing aerobics. Initially mocking her distinctive outfit, he is intrigued when she explains her passion for aerobics, assuring him it prevents weight gain—addressing his own insecurities about becoming "squat."

“She said, aerobics. It's incredible. I go every day and it's amazing. You can eat whatever you want and you never get fat.” ([06:15])

This conversation sparks Simon's obsession with avoiding being "squat," a term he uses to describe being short and overweight, a frustration partly rooted in his mother's remarks about height and weight.

Immersion into the Aerobics Cult ([07:40])

Driven by his fixation, Simon joins aerobics classes, transforming his wardrobe to fit the trend. He humorously details his mismatched attire and the over-the-top environment of the aerobics studio, comparing it to a “nylon Nuremberg rally” due to the sea of Lycra and synchronized movements.

“People typically took up the same spots, right? So you're in the studio, same adjacencies.” ([10:25])

Roommate Conflict and Personal Struggles ([12:10])

Simon's roommate, Robert from Carlisle, represents stoicism and bluntness, contrasting sharply with Simon's new vibrant lifestyle. Robert disapproves of Simon's aerobics obsession, mocking his attire and dedication.

“Robert was openly disgusted by my new enthusiasms... He would go into the bathroom with pastry tongs and pick up my little jock straps and dance belts and lycratites and say, which bit of you is this supposed to fit?” ([13:45])

This tension highlights the personal conflicts arising from societal pressures and individual aspirations.

The Shelley Winters Incident ([14:30])

A significant turning point occurs when actress Shelley Winters visits the store where Simon works. Enthusiastic and out of character, she purchases unusual items like Versace leather pants to hang on her refrigerator door. During aerobics, Simon inadvertently shares this story with his coworker from the National Enquirer, who embellishes it for a sensational article.

“A week later, the National Enquirer comes out and there's this thing in there and it says, Shelley Winters buys leather pants to hang on the refrigerator door.” ([15:00])

Feeling betrayed for divulging the story, Simon grapples with guilt until he rationalizes his actions by viewing himself as part of a larger battle against "squatness."

“When you want something, when you long for something, when you're addicted to fashion, you will justify anything to get the money to buy it.” ([15:50])

Resolution and Reflection ([16:00])

Ultimately, Simon accepts the situation, cashes the check from the National Enquirer, and indulges in his passion by purchasing Stephen Sprouse Psychopants. He dedicates his story to Shelley Winters, acknowledging the complexities of personal desires and ethical compromises.

“I think, holy Mary, I haven't betrayed her. We're foot soldiers in the same battle against squatness.” ([16:02])

Conclusion

Simon Doonan's "Fear of Squat" is a humorous yet poignant exploration of personal identity, societal expectations, and the lengths one might go to fit into a desired image. Through his engaging storytelling, Doonan illustrates the absurdities of the fashion world and the internal conflicts that arise from balancing self-expression with external pressures. The narrative underscores the universal struggle between embracing individual passions and conforming to societal norms, all delivered with Doonan's signature wit and charm.

Notable Quotes

• “You’d rather be criminally insane than squat, right? I’d rather get Ebola virus than become squat.” ([05:30])
• “People from the north of England are known for this thing called plain speaking, which is just a weird way of saying they're insulting, they're just blunt.” ([11:15])
• “I dedicated my story to the late, great Shelley. Let’s hear it for Shelley.” ([16:00])

Implications and Insights

Doonan's story offers insights into the fashion industry's influence on personal identity and the sometimes humorous extremes individuals go to maintain societal standards of beauty and success. It highlights the internal battles many face between personal desires and external judgments, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own motivations and the societal constructs they navigate.

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