Simon Doonan: The First Elf - The Moth

Summary

Summary of "Simon Doonan: The First Elf" – The Moth Podcast

Episode Release Date: December 19, 2011

Introduction

In this captivating episode of The Moth, host Dan Kennedy introduces Simon Doonan, a celebrated creative ambassador of Barneys New York and a prolific columnist. The story, titled "The First Elf," was performed live in 2010 and aligns with the episode's theme of "raised eyebrows," encompassing stories filled with shocks, surprises, and scandals (01:09).

The Unexpected Invitation

Simon Doonan begins his narrative by recounting a life-changing phone call received in January 2009 from Desiree Rogers, the White House’s first female Chief of Staff. Rogers extended an invitation for Doonan to decorate the White House for the holidays.

"I couldn't believe it. I thought, my God, I came to this country when I was 25 years old in the 70s... and now I'm getting a call from the White House," (03:02) Doonan reflects on his journey from an immigrant with humble beginnings to securing a prestigious role at the White House at the age of 57. His excitement is palpable as he envisions creating a magical holiday environment for the First Family.

Embarking on the Decoration Journey

Accepting the role, Doonan dives into the elaborate project of transforming the White House interiors. He and his team discover outdated plastic silver orbs stored from previous administrations, which Doonan finds tacky and unsuitable for a modern aesthetic.

"There are 500 of them. We'll take them all and ship them to community centers all over America," (06:50) he explains, emphasizing a commitment to sustainability and community involvement by repurposing the orbs for creative decoration across the nation.

The project involves over 500 decorated orbs, each reflecting themes such as American monuments, Indian reservations, and even a Mount Rushmore ball featuring President Obama's likeness. These decorations symbolize national pride and the rich diversity of American culture.

Navigating Media Challenges

As the installation date approaches, Doonan and his team face unexpected hurdles related to media attention. A conservative blogger infiltrates the project with an iPhone, capturing images of the creatively decorated orbs. These images are misrepresented on the blogger's website with a headline accusing Doonan of introducing a "communist agenda" into the White House decorations.

"Simon Doonan introduces communist agenda and anti family values into the White House," (12:40) the headline blares, leading to widespread outrage and a storm of online backlash. Doonan receives death threats, revealing the darker side of public scrutiny:

"Somebody should bash your brains out with a baseball bat," (13:30) he recounts the terrifying harassment stemming from the false allegations.

Despite the personal toll, Doonan remains resolute in his commitment to excellence:

"What's important is we knocked it out of the park. The whole White House looked unbelievable," (13:00) he asserts, prioritizing the success of the project over the unfounded criticisms.

Resolution and Reflections

By December 25th, the intense scrutiny subsides, allowing Doonan to reflect on the entire experience. He draws insightful conclusions about human nature and societal dynamics:

"There are really two types of people in the world. Little elves that go around and make everything fabulous... and then there are people who sit blogging and tweeting about the efforts of the first group," (14:00) Doonan muses, highlighting the dichotomy between creators and critics.

He humorously underscores the importance of diversity and creativity in celebrations:

"No holiday is complete without at least one drag queen and a bunch of elves," (14:00) emphasizing the vibrant and inclusive spirit that enriches festive traditions.

Conclusion

Simon Doonan's story, "The First Elf," is a compelling tale of ambition, creativity, and resilience. Through his endeavor to decorate the White House, Doonan not only transformed a historic space but also navigated the complexities of public perception and media misrepresentation. His experience serves as an inspiring testament to the power of dedication and the enduring spirit of artistic expression.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

[03:02] "I couldn't believe it. I thought, my God, I came to this country when I was 25 years old in the 70s... and now I'm getting a call from the White House."
[06:50] "There are 500 of them. We'll take them all and ship them to community centers all over America."
[12:40] "Simon Doonan introduces communist agenda and anti family values into the White House."
[13:30] "Somebody should bash your brains out with a baseball bat."
[14:00] "There are really two types of people in the world. Little elves that go around and make everything fabulous... and then there are people who sit blogging and tweeting about the efforts of the first group."
[14:00] "No holiday is complete without at least one drag queen and a bunch of elves."

This detailed summary encapsulates Simon Doonan's engaging storytelling, highlighting his remarkable journey, challenges faced during the White House decoration project, and the insightful reflections that conclude his narrative. The inclusion of notable quotes with precise timestamps offers depth and authenticity, making the summary both informative and relatable for those who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

A (0:00)

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B (1:09)

Welcome to the Moth podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. So, are you ready for this week's story? This week's story by Simon Doonan was told live at the moth in 2010. The theme of the night was raised eyebrows. Stories of shocks, surprises and scandals.

C (1:31)

Jackie Kennedy's crystal balls were up here. Nancy Reagan's luscious red ribbons were down here. Barbara Bush's dangling orbs were over here. Yes, you've guessed it probably right. I was in the White House holiday storage facility where they keep all the holiday decor from White House Pass. There was. Oh, it was just beyond Pat Nixon's little beaded orbs. It was amazing. So how did I get there? In January 2009, I get a phone call from Desiree Rogers. Hello. Bonjour, Desiree Rogers. And Ellie dropped the phone, and I thought it was one of my friends pretending to be Desiree Rogers. And then so she said, we want you to come and decorate the White House for the holidays. We. I hope you noted the we want you. And I couldn't believe it. I thought, my God, I came to this country when I was 25 years old in the 70s, and I just had like a little Dorothy bag and a dream and a little bit of cash. And now I clawed my way up through the cutthroat world of window dressing and clawed my way up and wow. At the age of 57, I'm getting a call from the White House. Press secretary come and decorate the White House. I couldn't believe it. And I thought, well, I just become a citizen actually about two months before the election, and I pulled the lever for Barack Obama. And I thought, finally, I'm a citizen. I pulled the lever and now I'm going to decorate the White House. I had visions of myself showing Sasha and Malia how to thread popcorn. I saw myself. I got really carried away really quickly. I saw myself in the organic garden clutching Bo, the water dog, as the first flakes of snow fell in the coming fall. So my fantasy was interrupted when Desiree said, of course we're going to have to vet you first and look through your background and everything. And that's when I thought, oh, well, forget it then. Because with my rap sheet, that reckless driving conviction and the getting arrested on a railway station in 1968, going to a pop festival, yada yada, plus my reputation as a provocateur in the field of window dressing, I'd done all these insane things when they only have to hit Google Image, Simon Doonan, and up it's going to come all this banana stuff. I'm never going to get this job if they're going to vet me. So somehow, miraculously, I think the vetting machine must have been at the repair shop that day. But I got the job. So I went down to Washington in the spring of 2009 and went to the warehouse, rummaged around, met all my collaborators, spent days measuring things in the White House. It's so huge. I had to measure, like, mantelpieces and windows. And I had great collaborators, Kimberly and Sally, and we measured things and we went back and forth to the warehouse and unearthed things that we thought, we'll reuse some of these things, because why not? Hello, recycling. Why not? And so I'm getting more and more wound up about this project because it's so huge. It's such a responsibility. But I'm determined to do the Obama's proud because, you know, it's not about me, it's about them. It's their house. So then in the warehouse, I find these crates and crates and crates of these huge plastic silver balls that are so tacky and horrible. I can only imagine that Betty Ford, bless her heart, this must have been her era because she was going to Studio 54 and she probably thought, I want some sparkle, I want some silver. But there they were, these hideous plastic orbs. In 100 million years, would you ever think, oh, yes, White House holiday decor if you looked at them? So I Thought, this will be great. There's so many of them. There's 500 of them. We'll take them all and ship them to community centers all over America, and people can decoupage them and it'll involve America and yada yada. So along with all the pine berries and pepper berries and larch things and Douglas fir this, that and the other, all the incredible things we were speccing and ordering and designing, we thought we'd have this participation component and all these 500 balls would go on the blue room tree. So I'm obviously really wound up, flying back and forth to Washington, et cetera. And Desiree says, we have to go and present all your ideas to Mrs. Obama. So have a meeting with her, which is sort of like this. Hello. And then with Desiree, hello. Staring up in the air because they are literally twice my height. And as I stood there between Mrs. Obama, so beautiful, so chic, so fun, intelligent, and Desiree, so wonderful, incredible, giving me this job. J'adore. So I'm between the two of them, and I realize at that moment, oh, my God, I am the first elf, right? I'm the first elf. So the fall goes by in a blur of anticipation. I have to do all my stuff at Barney's, and then I get ready, because obviously, being in retail, we install the holiday decorations on about August 15th, something like that. But actually the White House is very chic and restrained, and they wait till after Thanksgiving. So after Thanksgiving, I'm all revved up, ready to go to actually install all the stuff we've been prepping and blah, blah, blah. And so I go down to Washington two days before the installation. The Salahis, yes, the chick with the sari and the iron blonde hair allegedly crashed that party. And it changes everything. Suddenly there is going to be no publicite. There's like a total lockdown on any kind of publicity. Not that I cared about that or anything. The COVID of People magazine with me and Beau, the water dog and the snow falling. So there's a total lockdown on publicity. So me and all the incredible volunteers, which was many, many women in Christmas, swimming sweaters, and me and incredible people, fabulous volunteers, we pile into the White House, we start installing, and, you know, Oprah's film crew comes through, and we all have to hide in a cupboard because they don't want any publicity. And then HGTV comes through and we have to sneak in behind a fireplace. So at one point, I'm on a scene, scaffolding in the blue room, and we're throwing these balls on the tree. All the ones have come in from all the community centers and they're incredible. People have used the theme that we gave them was American monuments. So there's like, you know, the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls. And people have done these fantastic Indian reservations. Amazing, amazing stuff that's come in. We're throwing it quickly. We have a day to do this whole installation. And I get a call from this journalist and he says, I just spoke to the press office and they're denying that you're involved. And I, you know what? I thought this is a time to show that elves can take the high road. And as I trudged through the snow that night back to the W Hotel across the street with my little elf boots on through the snow, I thought, I, I don't care that much. You know, what's important is we knocked it out of the park. The whole White House looked unbelievable. It was so chic, so gorgeous and beyond. I felt really, really good. Who needs publicity when you've done such a fantastic job? So cut to December 20th. A conservative blogger who has a major conservative site said, sends a mole into the White House with an iPhone and takes some little tiny pictures of some of these decoupaged balls that have come in from various community centers, to wit, a picture of a Pittsburgh ball. And as we all know, Pittsburgh is the birthplace of Andy Warhol. And on this ball is a tiny postage size stamp of an Andy Warhol ch. Chairman Mao. So that's on one ball. Then somehow or other, this clever little mole gets their little iPhone and finds another ball with a drag queen on it. They find a ball with Hedda Lettuce on it. So header lettuce. Yeah, you know those old jokes. Birth of a nation, anchovy. So they've got. And then they find a ball with Mount Rushmore and somebody has cleverly, creatively decoupaged Barack Obama's head onto one of the presidents. So these pictures are then blown up on this website and the headline is, Simon Doonan introduces communist agenda and anti family values into the White House. And suddenly there's banging on the door. The doorman says, you're on Fox News. There's like streaming that thing like crazy. Window dresser introduces communist agenda. I mean, nothing could be further from a. I'm such a relentless capitalist shopping lunatic. So streaming, you know, introducing communist agenda. Then it expands, explodes on the Internet like it's on a million websites. Trannies. Communist agenda. Communist agenda. So at this point, I'm in the fetal position under my toadstool it was horrifying. And there were Then the death threat started. Yes, hello madam. It's not that funny, is it? Now the death threat started. Somebody should bash your brains out with a baseball bat, blah blah. And I forwarded a few of these to the White House and they responded, buy a helmet. So fortunately, I mean, obviously fortunately this had a finite ending because Christmas ends. So this horrible nightmare of unwanted publicity ended. And because, thank God, there was a finite ending. It's called 12-24-25th. Anyway, so then my takeaway from all this is that there are really two types of people in the world. There are little elves that go around and make everything fabulous and brilliant and gorgeous and wonderful. And then there are people who sit blogging and tweeting about the efforts of the first group on their ever widening asses. And my other takeaway from it is that really, no holiday is complete without at least one drag queen and a bunch of elves. Thank you.