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I'm Jonathan Ames. The Moth features true stories told on stage without notes. This week's story by Steve Osborne was recorded live in New York City. How you doing? My name's Steve Osborne and I was a New York city cop for 20 years, in the 6th precinct too. Now a few years back, my partner and I, we were looking for this guy called the Silvergun Bandit. The guy was a maniac. He was doing ATM stick ups all over Manhattan South. He had done like over 20 of them. He was knocking them off like every other day. So finally the chief gets pissed off and he's like, you guys better catch this guy. And I mean now. So we're like, okay, chief, you're right, you're right, you're 100% right. You know, really, the guy was making us look stupid. So on this particular day, all the anti crime teams and all the robbery teams in Manhattan south were gonna drop everything we're doing and we're going to go do stakeouts all over the place and we're going to get this guy. So my partner and I decided we're going to go sit over on ninth street and fifth Avenue. He had knocked off two banks over on eighth street and another one on University Place. So he liked the area. So it seemed like a good place to sit. So we go over there and we're dressed down like this, we're dressed in plain clothes and we had a beau blew a glassaba. I had like crushed velour seats. It was really nice. You know, you'd never guess in a million years it was a police car. So we parked the car over there and we're working off of this police artist sketch. Now a bunch of the victims got a good look at him. So we had a pretty good sketch to work with. Like most artists sketch, they're crap. But this one was pretty good, it had a lot of detail. So we're sitting there and I take the sketch and I stick it up on the visor and you know, like you watch tv, you watch stakeouts, you think that they're fun. Well, they're not. It's like 99% boredom and then you get like that 1% off the wall excitement. So we're sitting there, you know, we're watching every guy that goes by. We're looking at his face, we're checking the sketch, you know, we're checking out the girls, you know, we're just killing time, talking about baseball and you want to play golf this weekend? You know, let's go out for a beer after work. When we're like two hours into this, all of a sudden this guy comes walking right past the front of the car. He takes one look at us and starts freaking out. There's panic written all over his face. I'm looking at him. I look at the sketch. He looks exactly like the sketch. Now I'm freaking out. I said to my partner, I says, I think it's him. My partner's like, I think it is. So now we're all excited. Everybody in the world. Everybody in the world is looking for this guy. And there he is. He's standing right in front of my car. So we want to jump out and grab him. But in case he's our bad guy and he's got the gun on him, you know, he could just open up on us and we'd never make it out of the car. You know, boom, boom. We'd be dead meat. So we decided to let him step off just a little bit. So he keeps walking, and he's looking over his shoulder, and he's trying to watch us out of the corner of his eye. He gets up onto the curb on the sidewalk, and he walks right past the building line. So we're like, okay, let's get him. We jump out of the car. I grab the sketch, I shove it in my pocket, and we run to the corner. He's gone. He took off on us. I'm like, shit, shit, shit. Everybody in the world is looking for this guy. We had him, and we lost him. No reason to panic. He didn't run across fifth Avenue. We'd have seen him. He didn't run down fifth Avenue to Washington Square Park. We'd see him. He must have run down to 8th street and hung a left. So that's what we do. We tear ass down to 8th street, look up the block, nothing. Still no reason to panic. I know he's close by. I could feel it. He couldn't have gone too far. He must have ducked into a store, a building or something. So now we start walking up H Street. We're going to check out every store, every building. We look into the first store. Nothing. Look in the second store, nothing. We keep walking. I look into the. There's an indoor parking garage. I look in the parking garage, and there in the back, in the corner, in the shadows, there he is. He's peeking out. I'm like, all right, we got him. We take out our shields, we pull out our guns, and we charge them. And I'm yelling at him, don't move. Don't move, motherfucker. I'll blow your fucking head off. That's the way we do it. It's. It's not like on tv, like, where you see them, you know? Put your hands behind your head. Turn around, walk back to the sound of my voice. New York bad guys would just laugh at us and run away. That probably works, maybe in LA or something like that, but it don't work here, so. And the reason that we do it, there's a reason we don't do it just for no reason. The thing is, is that even if the guy's a real bad guy, real hardcore bad guy, when we run up on him like that, we want to scare him. We want to shock the shit out of him. We want him to think that he's about to die and his survival instinct kicks in and he does what we tell him most of the time. Now, I run up to him, and like I said, I'm yelling at him, don't move. Don't move. I'll blow your fucking head off. What does he do? He falls down on the ground. He curls up into a ball, like in the fetal position, and starts crying. So I have done this, like, hundreds of times. This never happened to me before. Now I'm shocked. Now I'm starting to think maybe he ain't a bank robbery. So I put my gun away, and I start to walk up to him. My partner still has his gun out. He's covering me because we don't know what's going on. So I walk up to the guy and I take my shield, and I'm like, practically shoving it in his face. I'm like, look at me. Look at me. And he's laying there and he's crying. He's going, please, Please don't kill me. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. I'll never do it again. Please don't kill me. I'm only a dentist. So I'm like. I'm holding my shield. I'm like, look at me. I'm like, look at me. So he looks up at me and his tears coming down his face, his boogers coming out his nose. I'm like, look at me. We're the police. Nobody's gonna hurt you. We're the police. Relax. So I tell him, get up. So he gets up, and his hands are shaking and his knees are shaking. And I'm looking at him, I'm like, all right, maybe he ain't our guy. So there was an office there with a chair outside. So I tell him, sit down. There's a couple Dunkin Donuts, napkins. I said, here, blow your nose. So he sits down, he blows his nose. So I take out the sketch, and I'm looking at it, and I'm like, damn, this guy looks exactly like the sketch. My partner's looking over my shoulder, and he's like, he looks exactly like the sketch. The parking attendant, he came running over. He's looking over both our shoulders, and he's like, that's him. You got him. You got the motherfucker. So I'm like, all right, thanks. Thanks. Thanks for the help. Like, we got it from here. So I take this sketch and I turn it around and I show it to him. I'm like, who's this? So he looks at it and he goes, that looks like me. I'm like, no, shit, it looks like you. I said, now, I don't think that you're the bank robber I'm looking for. I said, but there's something going on here, and you better tell me what it is. So he goes on to tell me this story. He really is a dentist. And he goes on to tell me this story that a couple months back, some mafiosa guy from Brooklyn brought his girlfriend to him to get some dental work done. And I guess the little princess took a liking to Dr. Feelgood's sensitive side. And he started working on a little more than just her teeth. I think that he filled more than just her cavity. So Vinnie Bag of Donuts from Brooklyn, he finds out about this, and he ain't too happy. So he sends a message to the doctor that you better knock this off. Or something very, very bad's gonna happen to you. I could just picture this chick. She must have been smoking hot. You know, the tight pants, the high heels, and, you know, the gu. And he just couldn't resist. So he kept seeing her. But the whole time, he's looking over his shoulder. Waiting for something very bad to happen to him. Now, on this particular day, we're sitting right by his building. And when he walks past our car, he thinks that we're two of Vinny's guys coming to do him. So believe it or not, I'm a little bit of a people person. And I could tell that he's telling me the truth. He's not lying. I know it. I could just feel it. So I feel a little bad about scaring him the way we did. So I tell him, get up. So he gets up and I put my hand on his shoulder. I'm gonna give him my best Father Flanagan advice. And I told him, I says, doc, I says, listen, I said, you gotta wait us out. I says, you're getting laid. Getting killed. I says, it just ain't worth it. I said, I Don't care how good looking this chick is. I says, you could get plenty of girls. You're a dentist. So he agrees with me. So I tell him, I says, now listen to me. I says, I want you to promise me that you're gonna go home and you're gonna call this girl and you're gonna tell her that you can't see her no more. This is no good for her, no good for Vinnie, and definitely no good for you. I says, you seem like a nice guy. I says, I don't want to hear about you. A couple weeks down the road, you end up out in the weeds in Staten island with two in the back of your head. So he agrees. He's telling me. He goes, ah. He goes. He goes, I can't go through this again. So I'm like, all right, promise me you're going to call her. He promises me. I says, go ahead. Go home. Have a nice day, you know? So he leaves and we're getting ready. We're walking out of the garage in a parking attendant. He comes running over and he's like, officer, officer, give me the sketch. Give me the sketch. I'll keep an eye out for the guy for you. I guess police work looked like a lot of fun to him. So I tell him, relax, don't worry about it. We'll get the guy. So as we're walking back to the car, I couldn't believe his bad luck. He looked exactly like the bank robber that we were looking for. And we looked exactly like the two guys that he imagined Vinny was gonna send to whack em. Thank you very much. Steve Osborne spent 20 years in the NYPD. He retired a lieutenant in the detective bureau, where he was the commanding officer of the Manhattan Gang squad. To learn more about the Moth's ongoing storytelling series in New York and Los Angeles and shows across the country, go to themoth.org where you can also find moth stories on CD, learn about our corporate events and training programs, and become a MOTH member. That's themoth. Org.