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- [00:00]
Sarah Austin Janess
This is a message from sponsor Intuit. TurboTax Taxes was waiting and wondering and worrying if you were going to get any money back and then waiting, wondering and worrying some more. Now Taxes is matching with a TurboTax expert who can do your taxes as soon as today. An expert who gives your taxes their undivided attention as they work on your return while you get real time updates on their progress so you can focus on your day. An expert who will find you every deduction possible and file every form, every investment, Every everything with 100% accuracy all so you can get the most money back guaranteed. No waiting, no wondering, no worries. Now this is Taxes. Get an Expert now on TurboTax.com only available with TurboTax Live full service real time updates only in iOS mobile app. See guarantee details@turbotax.com guarantees the Apple Watch.
- [01:02]
Greg Wallach
Series 10 is here.
- [01:03]
Isaiah Owens
It has the biggest display ever.
- [01:05]
Greg Wallach
It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist whether you're running, swimming or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum compared to previous generations, iPhone Xs are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary.
- [01:30]
Sarah Austin Janess
This podcast is brought to you by squarespace.com if you have a story to tell. Whether it's about starting a new business or sharing photos from a recent adventure, Squarespace gives you an all in one platform to bring these stories to life. With modern templates, mobile responsive designs, simple drag and drop tools and 24 hour support, you can create a professional website or online portfolio in just a few minutes. For a free trial and 10% off your first purchase on new accounts, head to squarespace.com and use offer code themoth. The Moth is supported by the Great Courses Our desire to learn doesn't stop after college. That's the motivation behind the Great Courses. The Great Courses features fascinating video and audio lectures from top professors and experts in their fields. Their course on writing creative nonfiction is perfect for inquiring Moth listeners. Award winning professor and New York Times best selling author Tilar J. Mizzeo guides you through the entire writing process, from researching your topic to writing your first draft and marketing your work. The Great Courses has been in production for over 20 years with courses on subjects including history, art and music, science, philosophy and more. Watch or listen to the Great Courses online via their apps, on DVDs or CDs at your own pace and no exams. The Great Courses has a special offer for the Moth listeners. Order writing creative nonfiction and get 80% off for a limited time. Don't wait. Go to thegreatcourses.com moth that's thegreatcourses.com moth.
- [03:05]
Dan Kennedy
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This week we have an entire episode of the Moth Radio Hour for you right here on the podcast. Stories from Isaiah Owens, Amy Cohen and Greg Wallach is on board to tell a favorite of mine that'll really make you rethink the Devil and Cake. How many stories can make you rethink the Devil in Cake? Sit back and enjoy this episode of the Moth Radio.
- [03:41]
Sarah Austin Janess
From prx, this is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Sarah Austin Janess from the Moth and I'll be your host this time. The Moth is a place for true personal stories. It started in New York in 1997, but now we produce events all around the world. Audiences pack these intimate venues to hear stories from people they've never met before. And everyone leaves. More Connected this episode has three stories. A boy is cast out of his family when he falls in love with funerals. Greg Wallach confronts an evangelical minister who wants to cure his cerebral palsy. And Amy Cohen, in this first story, needs to make a life or death decision. Amy told this story at a moth called In Harm's Stories about Danger. If you've never been to a moth mainstage, we introduce each storyteller by way of a question related to the night's theme and the night Amy told her story. The question was, what is your irrational fear? She answered, I have so many irrational fears, I don't know where to begin. My fear is that I'm going to develop more irrational fears. She sounds very excited as she tells this story, but if you've met Amy, you know, she always sounds like that. Here's Amy Cohen, live at the mall.
- [05:00]
Greg Wallach
So I, as you now know, have always been a very fearful person. And as a child, I was, you know, the little kid who was gripping the stairs and the shallow end with the floaties and the kickboard. And as an adult, I was the person who would see a spot on her leg and think, oh my God, it's cancer, only to realize that it was newsprint from the Sunday Times. Yeah. And I mean, I didn't think that I was strong enough for electrolysis, let alone the diagnosis I got when I was 38 when I found out that I had tested positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation, which is often called the breast cancer Gene. And I got tested because the women in my family get breast cancer. My mom, my sister, my aunts, my grandmother, they all had it. And when you test positive immediately, like within five seconds, you're assigned an oncologist, and they tell you just in case. And I said it felt like I was taking my first drink and signing up for rehab just in case. And, you know, the other weird thing about the test is that they call it a predictive, meaning that it's supposed to predict your chances of getting breast cancer throughout your life, which are said to be as high as 86%. But the weird thing for me was, you know, it's sort of hard to understand is that I felt like I had it. I felt like I had it already, and no one was sort of giving me the legitimacy of saying, like, we have it already. So I felt like it was in me. So I was so anxious all the time. And one of the ways that it manifested was I was constantly giving myself breast exams. So I would be at dinner with friends, and I'd be like, oh, yeah, the tandoori chicken sounds really good. Yeah. And I was just a wreck. And I started to think, you really need to do something. And they tell you that you really only have two options, and the options are aggressive monitoring or a prophylactic mastectomy. And so I started thinking about that. But, you know, one of my big fears was, am I strong enough for this? Is it going to be okay? Or am I going to explode like a cheap Chinese firecracker? I didn't know. So the strong one in my family has always been my sister, and never more so than in the year that she had breast cancer. And she's just one of those amazing people who whipped up lemon tarts for her radiologist and smiled when blood was drawn. And the joke that we had, and it's so true, is that I said I was hoping I could keep up with your exercise schedule when you were on chemo. But clearly I was wrong. And, you know, we always said that it was my mom's legacy of how to deal with breast cancer. You know, like, you're going to kick cancer's ass. And our mom had breast cancer the first time in 1972, and it was really considered a death sentence by many. And she had a really serious case, and it was a miracle she survived. And she was always so happy to be alive after that that she got excited about the littlest things. And she would say, like, you know, daddy and I went to Morocco, and we bought bananas from A toothless woman who was selling them with her feet. And he was like, woo, that's so exciting. And my mom actually had a very, very radical double mastectomy. And in the early 70s, they really gouged you out. So in profile, she really looked like a very delicate letter C. And you know, I mean, we had no nudity in our household. And I think I always thought that that was part of it. And I used to joke that in our house, nudity was the state of existence between the shower and your towel. That's it. Because my mom was always really, really self conscious. And I always thought it was because of her mastectomies. And so in addition to worrying about everything else, I really worried that I would hate my body as much as I always thought my mom hated hers. And so I called my sister and I said, you know, I'm thinking about getting this operation. And she said, what took you so long? And I thought that was particularly amazing because seven years before my sister got breast cancer, she actually had a double mastectom. And it's very, very rare that anyone gets it. And in fact, the doctor said, you know, we've only heard about this happening once in Europe. So, you know, we really felt like, oh my God, you know, is this, is this really us? But it was. And you know, my sister is so incredible that, you know, she's been just a model to us all. But she was one of the 3 to 7% who got it. And she was so encouraging of my getting it that I decided to schedule the operation. And I could cancel at any time. That was what I kept on saying, cancel at any time. So I started telling people that I was going to have the operation. And you know, the first thing I said is, I can't believe I have to get rid of my breasts, which I actually liked. I mean, I actually like them. And they're very perky little A cups. Like, you know, people would like. You know, it was sort of like a, I don't know, like a demi task cup. I mean, they were tiny. And I said, why do I have to be getting rid of those? Why can't I be getting a cellulitectomy? That would be good. But I think part of it too was that I really didn't. I wanted to sort of set the tone for how people were gonna deal with me. I didn't want any pity. And, you know, one of the weird things too is that I was so anxious and so down. I mean, I was down for so many months. When I found out that I was really afraid that if I didn't set the tone, people were gonna bring me down. So I was very much like, this is how we're gonna deal with it. You know, please just respect that. And they, you know, people were really good, but still I really felt like, you know, I felt like someone might freak me out and again, I might back out, but I didn't. I decided to have the operation at Memorial Sloan Kettering, where they really encourage you to take what's called a reconstruction seminar, which I said sounded like something from the Civil War. It sounds like a Civil War reenactment, doesn't it? Like a reconstruction seminar with conferring flags and people in period costume. But in fact, it's a place where you find out about different methods of reconstruction. And there are really two kinds. One is implants, which we all know. Hello, Pamela Anderson. And the second is called tram flap surgery, where they take fat from usually your buttocks or your hips, and they make them into very natural looking breasts, but usually have to be a little bit heavier. And so my plastic surgeon said, no, no, no. Unless you gain 50 pounds, you're really not a candidate. And I said, okay. So we went to this reconstruction seminar and we saw lots of before photos. And I was in a room with like about 70 women, all of whom had breast cancer. And I didn't tell them why I was there. And I got to ask my question, which was, do people ever get implants and then decide to get the tram flap surgery? And they said, no, no, no, that never happens. And so afterwards, I was standing by the buffet table and this woman came up to me and she was wearing the kind of really kooky glasses that German avant garde architects wear, you know, like Elton John, you know, and you know, something bad is going to happen. And she said, I was talking to my hus. I heard your question about not having enough fat. And I said, look at her. She's got plenty of fat. Plenty. And I just gone through this terrible breakup where I'd gained 15 pounds and I was eating a Danish at the time. So it really didn't help. And just the words were ringing like, plenty of fat. Plenty. And so I told that story so many times afterwards. And I think one of the reasons I told it is because the truth was so overwhelming for me, which was being in that room with all those women who had breast cancer. I felt lucky. I felt really lucky. And before that, I thought, like, who has put in the decision to remove a part of their body? What kind of decision is that. And then I thought, oh, my God. That's a decision that so many of those women wish they had had. And in that room, we had seen so many scary before and after photos, and the after photos were just terrifying. And a lot of these women asked questions in trembling voices, as did I. And that was really the moment where I realized I was not going to turn back. I was absolutely, positively going to go forward with this operation because I was lucky. I really had an opportunity that they didn't have. So we get a little closer to my operation, and I was all misplaced anxiety. Like, never. I never said, like, I'm, you know, I'm terrified about the operation. I would say, like, because my parents, you know, my whole family was trying to get me to date, and I was like, I am not gonna try J. Date. You know, I was just hysterical. Like, that was my big thing.
- [13:21]
Isaiah Owens
No.
- [13:22]
Greg Wallach
Because I'm having this operation, and I don't have to. And then the other fear I had is, because I had never had surgery, was that I was going to OD on anesthesia. That was really. And that I was going to be the person on 2020 with the feeding tube, you know, like, in the assisted living facility in New Jersey. Terrified. Terrified. Like, I had a mosh pit in my chest. I was so anxious about that. And then the day of my surgery arrived, and I was calm. I was really at peace. It was pretty amazing because now you guys know how crazy I am, and it was just incredible. And I got to the hospital, and I felt really proud of myself. And I remember also wearing my little gown and my little paper booties and shuffling into the operating room and feeling like Sean Ped in deadpan walking. And then I got into the operating room, and the nurse said, wow, you don't look 40. And I said, well, now I don't need any anesthesia. And then that was it. And then the next day, I woke up, and it was time to see my new breasts. And I thought, oh, my God, Is it going to be Pamela Anderson? Is it going to be Anderson Cooper? What am I expecting here? Yeah, who knows? And actually, I had skin expanders placed under my chest wall, and then they're filled with a little bit of saline. So I remember being in the hospital room, and, you know, my gown was opened, and I slowly looked down, and I said, well, that's not traumatic. That's what they look like before, because they are tiny, which was perfect. So then they sort of put more saline in you as weeks go by. And at this point, I realized something incredibly important about myself, which is, I love having bigger boobs. I love it.
- [15:06]
Sarah Austin Janess
I love it.
- [15:08]
Greg Wallach
So it's the greatest thing that's ever happened. So my plastic surgeon said, you know, at some point, we really need to decide what size you want to be. And I said, yeah, God's here. I said, vulgar. And he said, yeah. Because also, it was like the first time my postman remembered my name. I was like, I'm loving this. And he said, no, no, no, I'm serious, Amy. What size do you want to be? And I said, seriously, I want you to think, like, Playboy Mansion, Hollywood Wife. Carnival. Carnival. Literally, as I was going under, I saw. I swear to God, this is true. I was saying, like, as big as you can. As big as you can. Yeah. Yeah. So that was. Yeah. So then, you know, now, as we know. Eek. So what? I never could. Yeah. And actually, my dad and I had this really cute moment at Starbucks one day because he said, you know, because I was loving the boobs. And he said, you know, it's going to be a big year. Aim big, big, big. And I said, delightful. We thought that was hilarious. It was our little bit of double mastectomy humor. So, you know, I think what I never could have realized in a million years is that I would consider this. I'm almost done, Maz, I swear. Is that I would consider this to be really one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I mean, I really. I really feel that it's changed my life. And I've begun to talk to a lot of women who have had the surgery or are having the surgery. And one of the times Memorial called me up and they said, we don't even know how to ask you this. And I said, I know what you're going to ask. And they said, what? And I said, she wants to see them. And they said, yes. Is that okay? And I said, sure, whatever. So I met her in the locker room of Equinox, and I was like, which I've done so many times since. And she looked at me, and I knew what she wanted to do. And I said, you want to touch them? And she said, yeah, can I? And I said, sure. And so I went to second base with this stranger in my gym locker room, as I have done so many times since. Yes. Trust me. And I think actually the most incredible thing I've realized through this whole thing is that I thought so much about my mom and my sister and I sharing the BRCA1 gene, but I've realized that we share another gene, which is the gene that tells you not to pity yourself and to deal with things in your own way, which in my case meant saying, it only took me 40 years to become a blonde with big boobs. Great. And you know, I so underestimated myself thinking that I would crack. And I saw these incredibly strong women deal with breast cancer and I never realized until I had my own episode how much it had influenced me and how much stronger I was than I ever gave myself credit for. And now my sister is perfectly healthy and she's in the room and yay. I know. I love my mom, fought valiantly against the brain tumor that ultimately took her life. And, you know, I thought about how, you know, in addition to the BRCA1 gene mutation, we share another gene, and that's the resilience gene. And that's the gene that I hope will define me and everything I do for the rest of my life. And for that, I could not feel more fortunate.
- [18:40]
Sarah Austin Janess
Amy Cohen is a screenwriter and the author of Late Bloomers Revolution. She says she's still naturally blonde, even though she never had a blonde hair before she turned 40. She tells us, quote, I'm still very proud of how I gained my rack. I talk with women all the time and I've been felt up all over town. End quote. Coming up next, a self professed funeral nerd remembers falling in love with burial ritual as a boy in Branchville, South Carolina.
- [19:28]
Narrator
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by PRX.
- [19:54]
Sarah Austin Janess
This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.com Squarespace gives you an all in one platform to create a professional website or online portfolio in just a few minutes. For a free trial and 10% off your first purchase on new accounts, head to squarespace.com and use the offer code themoth. Thanks again to squarespace.com for supporting the Moth. This is the Moth Radio Hour from prx. I'm Sarah Austin. Janess, what happens if your five year old son wants to play funerals all the time? Harlem funeral director Isaiah Owens was that little boy and he tells this next story. Here's Isaiah live at the mall.
- [20:40]
Isaiah Owens
Good evening. I am a funeral director. I know grief and I know how to comfort people. When I was growing up in my hometown in Bransville, South Carolina, we were fed fried chicken, collard greens, cornbread and funerals. At a funeral, there was a hearse. The hearse brought your body to the church and took you to the cemetery. That same hearse would take you to the hospital if you were sick. So the funeral homes acted as a funeral home and an ambulance service when you was going to the funeral. They told the bells as the family approached the church. Once inside the church, they fed us that life, no matter how long you live, is just like a vapor. It appears for a moment and then it disappears. And then they fed us that. That we are like grass which groweth up in the morning and flourishes and groweth up. And then in the evening we are cut down and withered and we fly away. At the age of five years old, I started burying things. After my grandmother, Mama Alice died, I went and I buried a matchstick. I realized now what was happening is I went to mamma's funeral and I saw them put her in the ground. And they covered her up and they made a nice mound of dirt. And they put beautiful flowers on her. So then playing in the yard after the funeral, I went and I dug me a little hole and I put a matchstick in it, covered it up, and I put some flowers on it. And that was my first funeral. As I grew up, I continued to be attracted to burying things. I buried everything that died on the farm. I grew up on a cotton farm. So all of the animals, the chickens or whatever died. I gave them a funeral, which caused me to be rejected by my family. Isolated and I was an outcast. And they thought that I was a little funeral nerd. However, I had one friend that was Angenia. Angenia was born in 1882 and she was 68 years old when I was born. So I played funerals, and Angenia would play funerals with me. Angenia was the first African queen that I know. When we were growing up, Angenia could sit a big pan on top of her head. And walk from my mother's house to her house with her hands by her side. The pan would be full of butter beans or whatever it was. She never had to hold it with her hand. And Genia had a vocabulary like Esther on sampling and sons. She made up her words as she went. She will call you a fish eyed fool, or she would call you an old hag. But then after she hurt your feelings, she would always call you in the room and give you some candy or some chewing gum or even a nickel. So Angenia and I had this little love affair going on. And Gina attended at least 10 of my little funerals. She thought that I was absolutely normal. And I remember one funeral, we had a toy wagon that had torn up. I wanted to dig a grave to do a funeral for it. So I got Aunt Genia and we went down in the woods in the field, and I performed the funeral for the Red Wagon top. And Aunt Junior was the family. She just thought that I was it. And I loved her very much. When I was 14, Angenia passed away, and I was devastated. Now it's time to go to Angenia's funeral. That day was a day that I felt that I had no reason to live. So as we left Eugenia's house, they started ringing the bell. And the bell was so bitter and so hard to me. And I just kind of looked out of the window of the car and I cried. The more the bell rang, the more I cried. And I just kept saying to myself, no more Aunt Junior, no more Aunt Genia. However, after the funeral, I picked myself up. And five years later, I graduated from American Academy, Mac Allister Institute of Funeral Service, and I got a diploma in funeral service. And it was one of the best days of my life because now I was on my journey to become the funeral director that I wanted to become. And I was just 18 years old when I graduated. However, it being such a wonderful day for me, it was a very sad day because none of my family members came to my graduation. After that, I got my license and I buried my first customer, Mr. Rufus Felton, in 1971 from the church that I attended. After that, my business mushroomed. Now at Genius gone, my sister Maxine has taken that Genius place. So Maxine and I were like twins, and she loved me and I loved her. My family never referred people to me for a funeral. But when Maxine got her job and started teaching school, whenever someone passed away, she would always refer them to me. And Maxine wound up living with me for some years until I got her an apartment. However, Maxine came down with systemic lupus. My mother was here to help take care of Maxine when she was in the hospital. And the last time she was here, she called me aside and said, listen, I know that Maxine is not going to make it, and I want you to do Maxine's funeral. And I was honored that my mother would ask me to do Maxine's funeral because I knew that my family never used my services. Well, Maxine died, and we took her home to Branchville for her funeral and her burial. And that Saturday night, after her viewing and her wake at my funeral home, my brother Anthony and Lynn and myself, I was locking up the funeral home. And Anthony said to me, we can't leave Maxine here. Tonight by herself and my brother. Lynn and I agreed. So we went and got in the funeral home on the floor by Maxine's open casket, and we stayed the night with her. The next day, Maxine's 35th birthday was her funeral. And on my way to the church, all of a sudden I heard bang. That was the church bells. And the bell that they sounded when a Genia died was so harsh and terrible. But this time I listened to the bell and the bell went from being such a harsh sound to being a very sweet hum at the end of the sound. When I realized that this is a family reunion, I was hugging my mother, my father, my brother Anthony, Ms. Jane, and genius daughter in law Kunlizzy, Ms. Harbor, my high school principal, Mr. Joseph Jackson, sister Ophelia. Youth is the wife of the pastor that baptized me and Maxine. My battery was charged up and there was love. At the end of the day, I realized that I had been comforting all of these people for all of these years. And now not only my family, but the community has come to comfort me. At the end of the day, I realized then that there was love. And that the spirits of those people who have gone on before, along with the spirits of the people that are alive, makes me strong and it restores my soul and it restores us.
- [30:31]
Sarah Austin Janess
That was Isaiah Owens. We found Isaiah when we partnered with the PBS documentary series POV for their 25th anniversary. He's the subject of a film called Homecomings, and he believes when you die, you go home. The awning of the Isaiah Owens Funeral Home on Malcolm X Boulevard in Harlem reads, where beauty softens your grief. I sat with Isaiah in the wooden pews of his funeral chapel every day for a week to work with him on his story. He estimates that he's led over 14,000 funerals from 1968 to the time he told this story. And I asked him if there's any one in particular that stands out.
- [31:09]
Isaiah Owens
Martha Webb had come. She lived down the street and she came to me for her mother's funeral. And she had no family except her mother had a cousin in Philadelphia that was like 90 something years old that came over for Martha Webb's mother's funeral with another cousin. And, you know, I said to her, you know, you don't have a lot of family left, so you need to kind of sit down with me and somebody and make some plans for what happens to you. And she never did. And then one Saturday, not long after, the phone rang and the was like, Mr. Owens. And I was, yeah, this Is Blanche, Martha Webb done died in the street. And I was like, wow. So anyways, she stayed in the morgue for over a month. Nobody claimed the body. And finally I claimed it, and I gave her a funeral, and I gave her a burial, and she wound up making the COVID of the traveler's book. She was beautiful. But I guess the little connection that we had is that I had about 50 dresses that I had to select from for Martha Webb to be dressed in for her funeral. And I kept looking at all of these colors of dresses and this green dress. Every time I picked these other dresses, this green dress would say, psst, Come back. Come back and get me. And I was like. So after haggling for a long time, I just went and got the green dress and I put it on her. And when the friends came up for the funeral, they brought some pictures of Martha Webb. And there was a picture of her in almost the identical green dress at some party, one of these Harlem parties where the cigarette smoke is thick and the glasses is all around with the. Look at it. It was. Yeah, it was. That was amazing to me that for some reason, that dress had to be the dress.
- [33:12]
Sarah Austin Janess
A few years ago, Isaiah recorded a gospel cd.
- [33:17]
Isaiah Owens
I recorded it because I wanted to remember what I experienced as a child growing up at Mack Branch Church, where I started my funerals at. And so I recorded the songs and I sung them like they sung them back then. The only thing that's different is now the songs have music to it. But when we were growing up, the songs didn't have music. The only music was the padding of people's feet that kept the music and the clapping of their hands. But my favorite song on the CD that I kind of rearranged a little bit from how we sung it is, if it wasn't for the Lord, tell me, what would I do? And I got in my pre arrangements that when I do pass away, I want them to play that song. After my eulogy, before the people leave the church, I pretty much have all the plans for my funeral. I want to be able to get the K song like the presidents have with the six white horses that you see in Arlington national. And a procession, probably, of funeral directors and a procession of families of people that I buried that would want to go with me to the funeral. And lots and lots and lots of flowers and a sarcophagus casket. It's called the Pharaoh sarcophagus. It's probably one of the most expensive caskets. It is the most probably expensive casket you can get and I want the inside line with chinchilla. And you know, I want to really have a nice procession from Lenox Avenue to Riverside Church, which might be the main event. Going over there and letting people say, I guess, goodbye to me for so long.
- [35:43]
Greg Wallach
Everything.
- [35:46]
Sarah Austin Janess
You need.
- [35:50]
Isaiah Owens
Will will now win.
- [35:52]
Sarah Austin Janess
By for more information on the Travelers, the book of 30 reconstructions of Isaiah's subjects and friends, and to see photos of Isaiah through the years, go to themoth.org while you're there, you can share any of the stories you're hearing in this hour with your friends and family. You can also listen or share Moth stories through our app, which is now available for iOS or Android. Next up, a man with cerebral palsy goes on a wild ride after a gay Elvis impersonator breaks his friend's heart.
- [36:34]
Narrator
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by the Public Radio Exchange.
- [36:42]
Sarah Austin Janess
Prx.Org this podcast is brought to you by stamps.com Getting your mailing and shipping done can seem like a no win situation. Going to the post office takes up valuable time, and leasing a postage meter is expensive. Luckily, there's a better way. Stamps.com with stamps.com, buy and print official US postage for any letter or package right from your desk using your own computer and printer. Plus, stamps.com is more powerful than a postage meter at a fraction of the cost. You'll save up to 80% compared to a postage meter, and you'll avoid time consuming trips to the post office. Right now there's a special offer for listeners of the Moth Podcast, a no risk trial plus $110 bonus offer that includes the digital scale and up to $55 free postage. Don't wait. Go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in moth. That's stamps.com enter moth. I'm Sarah Austin Janess, and you're listening to the Moth Radio Hour from prx. Our last storyteller is Greg Wallach. Greg had already been telling stories to audiences in the East Village of New York when he heard of the moth in 1997. He told many stories with us over the years, and the one you're about to hear was recorded in Denver, Colorado. Before he took the stage. The host of the Night, Tom Shalhou, introduced Greg this way.
- [38:05]
F
There was a little press item in the newspaper and we were reading it at the hotel and he was sitting next to me and said, oh look. They referred to me as Greg Wallach, performer and disabilities advocate And I was like, oh, well, aren't you? And he said, well, I wouldn't advocate it for everyone.
- [38:29]
Dan Kennedy
But it's working out okay for me.
- [38:31]
F
Greg Wallach. You know, I live in New York City, and New York City can be completely overwhelming. So the other day I was feeling kind of stressed out, and I decided that I was just going to forget about life for a while and go downtown and get a piece of cake. Because you guys ever have one of those days when it just seems like a piece of cake is going to make everything so much better? So I headed down to the Magnolia Bakery, and I'm standing there in line, and I start to relax because I think about this guy that I met recently in the city. I didn't even know him. He just came right up to me in the street and he said, I'd like to give you a piece of advice. And I said, sure, because, you know, I'm always up for good advice. And he said, you look really so stressed out. You should pick three things you can do really well every day and then just let the rest go. And I thought that was fantastic advice for anyone living in any big city. Pick three things you can do really well every day and then let the rest go. But I thought about it, and I remembered that guy didn't have any teeth. So I guess brush my teeth didn't make his top three list very often. But I'm standing there a lot at the bakery, and I'm saying this mantra to myself that I made up that I say when I'm feeling kind of down and I want to share it with you tonight. It goes like this. You close your eyes, you take a deep breath, and you say, may I feel like I feel when I'm about to eat cake? And you do you think cake, like, you might get some, and you feel better at work every single time. And I'm standing there at the bakery, and I'm almost to the counter when my cell phone rings. It's my friend Karen. She's down south. She's just been dumped by her boyfriend. She was dating a gay Elvis impersonator. Now, I knew he was gay, and so did every else, only she didn't. And, you know, I realize it's so strange how sometimes we can fall in love with people and we can barely even see them. And I thought that impersonators should have tipped her off a little bit, but I could see that the Elvis part would kind of throw you. And I said to her, karen, it's okay. It's okay. You know, it's going to get better. And these things happen for a reason. But I realized how difficult that must be to hear when the Elvis you thought you knew and loved turned out to be totally queer. He left her a note on the pillow that said, I've fallen in love with a man. I'm flying back to New York. Thank you very much. Good night. And I knew right then what I had to do. I had to go south. I had to see my friend. So about a week later, I booked a ticket to Georgia and I flew south. And when I got off the plane, it just felt so good to get out of the city for a while. And I always have this kind of yin for the south anyway because I keep having this recurring dream that I'm this beautiful black woman down south. And I'm sitting on my back porch braiding my daughter's hair. We're looking out, watching the fireflies fade into the dusk. And then I wake up, and I can't tell if that's like a past life or if that's just every gay man's fantasy. But at the same time, I do believe there is a beautiful black woman down South. She's sitting on her back porch braiding her daughter's hair. They're looking out, watching the fireflies fade into the dusk. And she leans over and she says, honey, I keep having this strange dream. I'm a gay man. I'm living in New York City. I'm walking with crutches, and I'm eating a piece of cake. Do you think that's real, or is that just every black woman's fantasy? So the plane touches down in Georgia, and I want to get my friend Karen a gift. So I go into the airport and go to the bookshop, and I walk straight to the self help section because that is the perfect place to start post gay Elvis impersonator breakup. And I'm standing there looking through the books, and I come across that book, Heal youl Body by Louise Hay. And I'm flipping through it, looking up things like lower back pain and canker sores. But then I look up Cerebral Palsy, and it's in there, and it says, cerebral Palsy brought to this earth to heal the family with one sweeping gesture of love. Brought to this earth to heal the family with one sweeping gesture of love. The words kind of glared off the page at me, and I threw the book down. And I thought, you know, I don't really want that job. I mean, I am just trying to have a life. Fuck Louise Hay, man. Fuck Louise. Hay. Which is a very useful mantra, by the way, and I've used it many times since. And I don't mean to imply that the people down south were in any way overly conservative, but I did notice that a lot of the books on Judaism were in the occult section. So I just decided to go. And when I got to my friend Karen's house, she was doing kind of bad. And I said, come on, let's go out. Let's go for a ride. And we got in the car and we drove for hours. And the amazing thing about being down south is that it seems like, to me anyway, that if you drive just far enough, there aren't that many houses anymore. There's just these soft, green, rolling hills and the sun is shining. But there are these little churches everywhere, and they have these marquees out front with the most amazing sayings on them. And one of them said, we love you, and there is nothing you can do about it. So we decided to check that out. So we walked into the church, and it was a Southern Baptist televangelist church. And when we walk in, cameras are on, cranes swinging around the room. And the minister is up there preaching how Christ is going to come down and wipe the blood of the sinners from the seat of judgment. And I didn't really understand him. I just heard spilling of the blood of sinners as I was walking in. And I was sure he was talking about me. And we sat down in the front pew, the only place left open. And right then, this woman and a couple of other men from the church come up to me, and she says, can I ask you a question? And I said, sure. And she said, are you comfortable? And I said, well, it's a little hot in here. And she said, no. Are you comfortable living in that body? Yeah, you know what? I am, so just move along. But she and the other men took me to where the minister was preaching. And he grabbed my head and he said, I want you to get the devil out of your body. I want you to throw down those canes and walk. I want you to get the devil out of your body. I want you to throw down those canes and walk. I want you to get the devil out of your body. And then, palm flat, smacked me in the forehead. But instead of falling over, I just sort of leaned back. And then I came up again. And he actually seemed kind of mad, like I wasn't working with him. So he knelt down on his knees in front of me, and he starts rubbing my legs. And he says, I want you to get the devil out of your legs. Get the devil out of your legs. And, oh, my God, guess what happened? I got an erection, which even for me is completely out of control. And I'm looking down, thinking, well, I'm certainly gonna go to hell now. And he's down there rubbing my legs. Get the devil out of your legs. Get the devil out of your legs. And I. And I'm thinking, sir, that's not where the devil is right now. And, you know, the funny thing is, I can actually put down these canes and stand on my own and walk a few steps, not very far. But, you guys, I don't know if it was the cameras or the pressure, but I just didn't know how to get out of it. So I put down one cane, and then I put down the other, and for just a second, I stood up. And the congregation starts freaking out. And the minister looks at me like, oh, my God, I actually did it. And, you know, I always did sort of want to be on tv. I just never thought it would happen that way. Which just goes to show, the Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways. But, you know, while it was happening, while I was in the middle of it, I wanted to say, stop, wait. I mean, I'm okay. Who are you to decide that I need to be healed of this? Can you make me less neurotic? Can you get me a better job? How about the perfect boyfriend? But not this. This just isn't at the top of my list. But I wasn't brave, and I didn't tell him. And then for just a second, I thought, what if he really did have the ability to heal people and somehow it didn't happen because I was the most cynical one in the room? Right then my friend Karen comes up, and she grabs me by the shoulder and she says, come on, let's get out of here. And we get in the car and we drive in silence for hours. And we end up back in Athens, Georgia. And we're sitting there at the grit restaurant, and my friend Karen's across from me with her triple layer white sponge cake with chocolate frosting. And I have my German chocolate cake. And as I sink my fork down through the layers, I think, this is what it's about. You know, These are the moments where we find our faith in the joy of the anticipation of the moment. Because there will always be fantasies about being someone else. And there will always be people who want to heal you so they can feel better. And there will always be a gay Elvis impersonator who will break your heart. So I sit back and I open wide and I say, may I feel like I feel when I'm about to eat cake.
- [53:12]
Sarah Austin Janess
That was Greg Wallach. The three things he feels he can do well every day are write, connect face to face with at least one friend and brush his teeth. Not necessarily in that order. Greg lives in Los Angeles now, where he's the host of Eat yout Word stories about food at the Standard Hollywood. And he says the Louise Hayes mantra still comes in handy almost every day. To see a photo of Greg at the Georgia guidestones in Elberton, Georgia, a stop on his epic dream drive, go to themoth.org while you're there, you can pitch us your story, record it right on our site, or call 877-799-MOTH. That's 877-799-6684. The best pitches are developed for Moth shows all around the country. That's it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour. We hope you'll join us next time. And that's think it cool me.
- [54:13]
Isaiah Owens
I just might turn to smoke, but I feel fine.
- [54:28]
Narrator
Your host this hour was Sarah Austin Janess Sarah also directed the stories in the show, along with Katherine Burns and Joey Zanders. The rest of the Moss directorial staff include Sarah Haberman, Jennifer Hickson and Meg Bowles. Production support from Jenna Weiss Berman and Whitney Jones. Moth Stories are True is remembered and affirmed by the Storytellers. Moth events are recorded by Argo Studios in New York City, supervised by Paul Ruest. Our theme music is by the Drift. Other music in this hour from Little Bang, Isaiah Owens and Elvis Presley. You can find links to all the music in this show at our website. The Moth is produced for radio by me, Jay Allison at Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, with help from Vicki Merrick. This hour was produced with funds from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, the National Endowment for the Arts, and the John D. And Catherine T. MacArthur foundation, committed to building a more just, verdant and peaceful world. The Moth Radio Hour is presented by the public radio exchange prx.org for more about our podcast. For information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.
- [55:45]
Dan Kennedy
There you go. Another episode of the Moth Radio Hour right here on the Moth Podcast. Hope you guys enjoyed the show. What if we all right now just decided we're gonna go get cake. Hey Denver, the Moth main stage is coming your way on Tuesday, September 30th. Also, the MOTH main stage is coming to St. Paul that's gonna be Friday, November 7th. For tickets and for a list of all of our upcoming tour stops, visit.
- [56:13]
Sarah Austin Janess
Themoth.Org Our podcast host, Dan Kennedy is a writer and performer living in New York and author of the new novel American Spirit, available now.
- [56:23]
Dan Kennedy
Thanks to all of you for listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York. The Moth Podcast and the Radio Hour are presented by prx, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public@prx.org.