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- [00:00]
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- [01:20]
Jennifer Hickson
From PRX, this is the Moth Radio Hour. Hi, I'm Jennifer Hickson. This hour we'll be meeting all different kinds of families. Suburban, non traditional, rural, foster, and even prison family. Our first story is from a writer, actress, activist, and mom in rural New Jersey, Gina Sampaio. Gina's working on a book called the Tree Climbers Guide to Being a Badass, and I really can't wait to read it. Until then, here's Gina.
- [01:51]
Gina Sampaio
I first started taking care of other people's children when I was actually still just a child myself. So that meant people were paying me basically to play. And that was really awesome. But it also meant that I was getting a ton of childcare experience and that by the time I was 16, I probably could make macaroni and cheese with my eyes shut or change a diaper with one hand tied behind my back, which I only probably ever would have had to do with those very naughty Nicholson boys. But their mother knew they were a handful. She was paying $10 an hour in 1988. So I kind of thought that all of my child care experience was going to teach me everything that I needed to know about parenting my own children. And my husband and I, we had a daughter and then a son, and then we decided to become foster parents with the intention of hopefully being able to adopt one day. And you know how everybody always says you need a license to drive a car, but you don't need one to have a child. That's not true when you become a foster parent. We did have to get a license. And so first we had to take these classes where they asked us really hard hitting questions like, is secondhand smoke good or bad? And do babies actually need car seats? And then we had to do all sorts of other things. Have physicals, done background checks, fingerprinted, have her home inspected, interviews. I mean, the whole thing turned out to be way more complicated than just creating a new human being with my body. And then there are all the questions. What kind of child would we be willing to take? A girl or a boy? What race, what age? Now, I grew up with three sisters, and I already had one boy that I didn't always know how to relate to. But then I heard that boys are actually left behind more in adoption requests. So we said that we preferred a boy, any race. And having survived two infants already, we thought that that pleasure could be afforded to someone else. So anything up to age 4, the age of our biological son at the time. And we got our license in the mail and we settled in for what we thought could be a very long wait. But we got a phone call six weeks later about a baby at the hospital. And I thought, wow, an infant. Doesn't everybody else want an infant? But we said yes. And when we went to the hospital to pick him up, the nurses insisted on pushing me out to the car in a wheelchair, which I thought was very funny. I mean, I didn't suffer any physical distress bringing this kid into the world. And even though I thought it was really funny, though, I realized I was having this same exact, overwhelmingly surreal sensation that I had when I first left the hospital with my first two babies. And that was, there's a new person here. There's this new human being that's so tiny and perfect and amazing, and this hospital staff is going to let us just leave with him, even though they look really competent. And we got him home, and it became obvious right away that there were things that we still needed to learn in spite of years of babysitting and parenting experience and having a license to parent. Like what to do when a young woman comes bouncing up to you and says, you, baby is so cute. Is his daddy black? So I just pretended I couldn't really remember or what to do when a woman taps you on the shoulder at a crowded restaurant and demands to know, where's that baby from? And when told, New Jersey just continues to keep asking, but where before that? But where before that? Until you're finally just forced to say a uterus or what to do when your 4 year old white son comes running up and says we're playing circus and the baby has to be the monkey because he's brown and your African American caseworker is visiting and all you can think to do is that you just want to die on the spot. And so instead you just pretend you didn't hear him and make a strong mental note to talk to him about that later. I don't think they told us anything about transracial adoption in those classes. The most they might have said was something along the lines of, if you are white and have a black child placed with you, please for the love of God, get some help with their skin and hair. And so I turned to my black friends and I asked for help and they helped me. And they also taught me things like that my little black boy was only going to be cute in the eyes of the public for a certain age and then he would somehow overnight be perceived as threatening to the public and that it was going to happen much sooner than I would anticipate. And I listened to them and I learned from them, but I didn't experience any of that harsh reality yet. And our case moved along and we were given the go ahead to adopt him. And I got some paperwork in the mail. It was an adoption subsidy agreement. And next to the name of our adorable, funny, very loved and very wanted son was the reason for the monthly subsidy that he was going to get. And it was checked off. Child is hard to place African American. And I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. And then one day we got a phone call from our caseworker and I wasn't expecting it and I could tell something was up. And I was right, because she said, do you have room for another baby? And we weren't really planning on having any more children, but we loved our little son so much. We loved any sibling of his. And so I said, what is it? And she said, a boy. And so I cried a little when I said ok, and then I said, I guess I better call my husband and ask him real quick though. So then we were up to four children, one girl and three boys, and I was pretty sure that I was done with babies. But then I went to a baby shower and the new mom was opening up all these tiny little socks and really cute onesies and things and all the women were just gushing. And I realized I was sitting like a little bit away from the rest of them and just thinking that looks like more laundry to me. So then I really knew that I was done with babies until I got a phone call about our boy's baby sister and could we come get her? Like today? Did we have a car seat? And so even though we knew it meant getting on another two year emotional roller coaster, we borrowed a car seat and said yes. Six years after starting our fostering experience, we had adopted each of our children. We got to say goodbye to the judges and the caseworkers and good riddance to the one that we referred to as the antisocial worker and hello to the architect and the contractors. Lessons were still being learned and mistakes were being made. I can admit that I have been that white mom out at the store when a black woman told me that my baby's hair felt a little bit dry. And I knew I had to learn from all these different sources, the black community, adult adoptees, more experienced, transracially adoptive families, and all while trying to balance it with what it meant to be our family in this time and in this place. And I thought we were doing all right. And then one day, my son was getting ready for school. He was 6 years old and getting ready for first grade, and he was brushing his teeth, and he just stopped. And he said, I wish a Brown family adopted me. He wasn't upset. He was very matter of fact, like, I want to wear my blue sneakers, and I wish a brown family adopted me. But I was stunned. I knew he might say something like that at some point, but I just wasn't really expecting it. And so I just tried to stay calm. And I said, oh, well, how come? And he said, I want the family to look like me. So I pointed out that his younger brother and sister looked like him. And he said, yeah, but not the whole family. And so I just apologized. I didn't know what else I could possibly do. And I got him off to school. And the whole day I was thinking, you know, what am I going to do about this? And on one hand, I didn't want to do anything. I mean, if the kid seems fine, I don't want to bother him, you know, get him upset about it. But on the other hand, you know, you have to muddle things up sometimes before you get some clarity. So at bedtime that night, I muddled things up and I asked him, are you still feeling sad that a brown family didn't adopt you? And he didn't say anything. He just nodded yes. So I said, did anybody do anything or say something recently that made you start to feel that way. And again he just nodded no. So now I'm grasping for straws. Did you know that Daddy and I love you very, very, very, very, very much? And again, just a nod, yes. I mean, clearly the kid was not going to help me move the conversation forward at all. So I had no idea what to say. And so I absolutely surprised myself with what came out next. And I said to him, did you know that there's sadness to adoption? And this time his interest was piqued because this time he spoke and he said, no, I didn't. And I said, well, yeah, most of the time everybody only talks about how really happy adoption is. And we are so, so happy that you're part of our family. But if the world was perfect and there were never any problems at all, you probably could have just stayed with your first mommy, don't you think? And this time, my boy answered me. It wasn't with a nod or with words, but he sobbed. It wasn't crying over a skin knee. He was sobbing over an emotional wound that he didn't know he had. And he still lacked the emotional maturity and the language to really explore it. But there was something about my acknowledging it for him that just unlocked the deepest sob I'd ever heard come out of a little child. And I told him it was okay to be sad about that and maybe even forever, but that I wanted to help him find peace over it. And would he maybe like to try to meet some more of his birth family? And he said yes. So I reached out to our last caseworker and I said I had heard about this great grandma. Can you give me her number or something? And he said, no, I'm actually not allowed to give that out. So I did a little more asking around and some research, and I found out that he could, however, send a letter on my behalf. Now, based on my history with the state, I didn't really trust that this was going to happen, but I had to take a chance. I wrote the letter and I sent it and hoped for the best. And it worked because she called us a week or two later, this great grandmother who had worried about them and prayed for them for years. And we went to go meet her immediately. And as soon as we did, all these doors kept opening because every time we went, we just. We would meet a new family member. And each one of them welcomed all of us, our adopted kids, our biological kids, my husband and myself, with open arms. And all these relationships that could have felt awkward or strained just never did. And our children thrived because of it. And that was four years ago. And on a more recent visit, I was sitting catching up with the kid's auntie, like, on a couch over here. And I could see my husband eating and talking with another family member over there. And some of my kids were doing crafts with some cousins and others were running around playing Ninja Turtles with other cousins. And there was Pop Pop sitting on the couch, and he had the TV on the nature channel way too loud like he always has it. And I know that now. And there was my son, just snuggled up by his side and treating wild animal facts with his grandfather. And looking around the room that day, I thought to myself, you know, growing up, I always thought that adoption just meant a new family for the children that are adopted. But looking around here, I know that in our case, it means so much more because it's a family for all of us. Thank you.
- [15:20]
Jennifer Hickson
That was Gina Sampaio. To see a picture of Gina and her family and also one of Pop Pop with all the grandchildren, visit themoth.org Gina says that open adoption continues to surprise and amaze her and fill her heart up again and again. Little things like how both families feel, okay, poking around in each other's refrigerators, or big things like how both families say, you're family now and really mean. Our next story takes place in a small village in India, where our storyteller gave her parents quite a shock. Anaga Mahajan told this story for the Grand Slam in Chicago, where we partner with public radio station wbez. Here's Anaga Mahajan.
- [16:13]
Anaga Mahajan
I'm blind in one eye. My left eye. I knew this since I was a child, but I did not tell anyone till I was 12. In my defense, I thought it was normal to be able to see with just one eye. Just like you can write with your right hand, you can see with your right eye. That was my kid logic. Pretty solid, right? My parents did not agree. They were very upset when they found out. One evening I was hanging out in my dad's study, and my dad was a lawyer, so he had all these fat law books. And I was like, hey, dad, wouldn't it be awesome if we could read with both the eyes? And he just flipped out. He frenetically called my mom, and by the time both of them grasped the entire situation, they made it all about themselves, just like parents do. But what? Once they got a grasp of my disability, they left no stone unturned. They took me to the best doctors in the country, from Bombay to Bangalore. They even seek divine intervention. They took me to this guru who hit me with peacock feathers on my head to bring my vision back. But after tons of examinations and doctor visits, the doctor finally concluded that the light bulb in my left eye was simply not turned on. I had the perfect hardware, but the software was missing. So he even invited my mom to look at my eyes with his lens. And when my mom looked at it, she was clearly crestfallen. And although I was enjoying the attention of my parents for the last couple of months, it was very sad to see them heartbroken that way. The doctor did give us a little bit ray of hope by saying there is this ancient exercise called tratak, which basically meant I had to sit in a dark room with a candle lit and focus on the candle just with my left eye. And that the doctor hoped will simulate the brain to start receiving signals from my left eye. So by the time we got home and this exercise was defined, it was almost summer. And summers are particularly harsh in the part of India I come from. The average temperatures are in the high 90s. It could go as high as 120. And air conditioning is not common even for the well to do families. So I went to my dad and I'm like, hey dad. It's impossible for me to sit in this heat without a fan with the candle and meditate. But given how guilty they felt about everything, my father provided me with the ultimate luxury any kid in the village could hope for. It was a Whirlpool Maharaja 20 liter desert cooler just for my room. I know it was pretty cool and I literally became the coolest kid on the block. But that didn't last too long. The cooler started smoking up just after a week. Somebody who had no idea of how coolers work said too much heat is making it overwork. So my dad called our regular handyman and asked him to fix it. Few hours later, this scrawny tall kid named Sadiq showed up at our doorsteps. Sadiq was our handyman's son and because this was not a big job and it wouldn't pay as much, he had sent him. Sadiq was like six or seven years older than I was, but had dropped out of school just like most kids with his kind of family background do. He had no formal training in how to repair a cooler, just few years of watching his dad do odd jobs. So it was quite lucky that he was able to do something and make the motor move again and fix the cooler and he vanished. So thus started my practice of exercising this meditation to improve my eyesight. And at that time I was also studying for a very important scholarship examination in the seventh grade. I was never too good at studies, so it was probably my Gemini trait. I could never really apply myself and sit steady. But interestingly, this exercise I was doing for my eyesight, it was really good to improve my focus and concentration. So as I was doing this exercise, I started getting better at studies. And as my confidence increased, I wanted to do even better. So I went out and I brought this poster of a motivational Hindi poem and put it on my wall right next to the cooler. And it said, koshish karne waalo ki haar nahi hoti in Hindi, which means, those who try cannot be defeated. So try I did. I would try to exercise regularly so that my eyesight would improve, which would make my parents happy. And I would study, which would make me better and make me happy. But there was one little problem. The cooler kept breaking down. Each time the cooler would break down, my dad fetched Sadiq. And the Sadiq became a routine around my room. In that summer, Sadiq and I really didn't talk much. Mostly because we had nothing in common, and also partly because it was frowned upon for kids like me to talk to kids like him. But whenever I would get bored with my studies, I used to observe Sadiq. And because he didn't know anything about coolers, he would constantly get frustrated. And every time he got irritated, he would read my poem. Those who try cannot be defeated and try to fix the cooler with a new vigor. Seeing him get inspired that way inspired me to do better more than the poem ever did. Thus, in our own unsaid ways, we are the cooler. The poem, the exercise, the studies. We both were inspiring each other to do better and to keep fighting against the odds we both were born with. Eventually, Sadiq did fix the cooler permanently. Or so we thought, because monsoon set in and the cooler was packed up. But Sadiq did get better at fixing stuff, and he's now the go to guy in the village. As for me, looking back on the events of that summer, my eyesight never really improved. But since then, I do see things a little bit better. Thank you.
- [22:47]
Jennifer Hickson
That was Anaga Mahajan. She's an electronics engineer turned management consultant. Anaga never did regain sight in her left eye, but admits that when she's in stressful situations, she still repeats the phrase on the poster. Those who keep trying cannot be defeated.
- [23:22]
Production Team
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.
- [23:28]
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- [24:56]
Production Team
And presented by prx.
- [25:02]
Jennifer Hickson
This is the Moth Radio Hour from prx. I'm Jennifer Hickson. This next story comes to us from Detroit, Michigan, where we partner with public radio station WDET and Michigan Public Radio. Maxie Jones moved to Detroit from New York City, and we're glad he did. He discovered the moth listening to the radio while mowing his lawn. He didn't have a lawn in New York City, so we may never have met Otherwise. Here's to DIY landscaping. And here's Maxi Jones.
- [25:31]
Maxie Jones
So the year is 1976. I'm 14 years old. And every Friday when I get out of school, my mother would have a bag packed and I would go and spend the weekend at my grandmother's place. So I would come home, she'd have this bag packed. I would get on a train from, from the Bronx where I lived to Harlem to my grandmother's apartment. Now, my grandmother was a seamstress. So whenever I'm in her apartment there, you know, she made her own clothes and she made her own hats. So there would be all these mannequins and everything all over the house. And my grandmother would always try to convince me to learn to sew. And I would always try to figure out something else I need to do. Like, no grandma, I need to do my Homework and stuff like that. So one day while she was sewing with the sewing machine, I was, like, mesmerized by what she was doing. And I was just sitting there watching her. And she was like, come on over here. Let me show you what I'm doing. So she started showing me how to sew. She showed me everything about how to use a sewing machine, how to thread the bobbin and all that stuff. And so I was really. I was actually helping her make a dress. And then at a certain point, I realized I was like, grandma, what is this we make? She's like, you're making a dress for me? I was like, I don't want to do that. So I was like, get out of here. She was like, you were interested before. I was like, I'm not. I don't want to do that, Grandma. She was like, ah, I see what's wrong. You're uncomfortable because you think this is for girls. I was like, no, Grandma, I just don't want to do that shit, that's all. So she said, you know what I tell her? Let's make a deal. She said, since you're here with me every weekend, I tell you what. Let me teach you how to make a suit for yourself. And as soon as we finish the suit, I'll never bother you again. I was like, deal. So we went to the store down the street where they had all the sewing stuff, and we bought a pattern for a suit for me in my size. It was a pants and vest suit. So we bought the pattern, and my grandmother said, okay, so what material do you want to use? I was like, I don't care. I'm not gonna wear it. She said, okay, so we'll use something that I got in the house. So we went back to my grandmother's apartment, and she's like, here, we can use this. She pulled out this orange material from this dress that she had made. I was like, sure, I'm not wearing that. So anyway, over the course of a couple of weekends, we made this suit, right? And I mean, it was complete, and it fit me. And I was, like, really happy I had learned how to do this. And in the course of making the suit, she taught me everything there was to know about sewing, right? So Sunday came, and my grandmother was like, okay, now you gotta take this home and show your mama, right? So I took the suit home. Look, Mommy, Grandma taught me how to sew. She taught me how to make this suit. My mother's like, great, you could wear it to school tomorrow. I was like, no, Ma.
- [28:31]
Matty Strusky
No.
- [28:33]
Maxie Jones
She said, no. If your grandmother taught you how to make that suit, you're not going to let it go to waste. You got to wear it at least once. I wore it to school the next day. And with the degree of embarrassment I experienced. Not just because in 1976, I had on a pants and a vest. Not just that it was orange, not that the pants did not have pockets. Cause we didn't bother to make pockets. The embarrassment was when people was like, where the fuck did you get that suit? I said, I made it myself. My friends were like, yo, get the fuck out of here. You making your own clothes now. So I was so embarrassed that when I came home, I threw the suit in the garbage. And I immediately began to forget everything my grandmother taught me about sewing, right? So anyway, 20 years later, 1996, my grandmother passed away, right? It's the only part about dying right here. My grandmother passed away. When I'm packing to go to her funeral. I had this really nice coat that I wanted to wear, and I pulled it out of the closet, and it had this tear all the way down the sleeve. So I was like, oh, man, I really want to wear this coat. So I started putting it back in the closet. And then as I was putting it back in the closet, I said, wait a minute. She taught me how to sew that tear. I pulled the suit back out the closet. And at that point I realized I had never not had a sewing kit. I always had a sewing kit. And I pulled out the sewing kit, and it even had the little red tomato pin cushion thing. You all know that. And as I'm sewing the sleeve, I'm remembering everything she taught me about making it. So that you don't notice that. That I sewed it and all that stuff. And it gave me something really great to share about at her funeral. Because it was just special to me. I was the only person she had taught how to do this, you know? Two years later, I moved into Harlem and I had my own apartment. And I had these really tall windows that I could stand in the window myself. And I went all over the place looking for curtains for this window, and I couldn't find curtains. And finally one guy said, dude, you're not going to find those curtains. You're going to have to have them custom made. And that could be pretty expensive. And I went home and I was like, what am I going to do? You know what? I'm going to have them custom made. And I went to a local flea market and bought me a Sewing machine. And I went to the same store where my grandmother took me 20 years earlier and bought the material. And I made those curtains myself. And when people would come over my apartment and they would be like, yo, where'd you get those curtains? And I would say, I made them myself. The ladies loved that shit, right? But the fellas were like, nah, you didn't make those damn curtains. I was like, you know what? Yes, I did. I made those curtains myself. And I don't have no problem saying it. Thank you very much.
- [31:58]
Jennifer Hickson
That was Maxie Jones. I called Maxi up because that's always fun and because I needed to know, is there a photo of you in the suit and can we please see it? Maxi claims that no such picture exists. And so we'll just have to make do in our mind's eye. Young man in an orange pocketless suit. Maxie was able to provide us with a photo of him visiting his grandmother in the nursing home where he appears to be wearing an orange tracksuit. Old habits die hard. You can see the photo@themost.org Next up is Matty Strusky. Matty was a production manager for 17 years in the entertainment business, but now is happily a full time dad. Here he is live at the Los Angeles Grand Slam, where we partner with public radio station kcrw. Here's Maddie.
- [32:53]
Matty Strusky
My daughter Rain just turned four years old and she has cerebral palsy. And luckily her CP is considered moderate and it basically affects her ability to balance and to walk. And because of that, she spends a lot of time in a wheelchair. And when you have a kid in a wheelchair, you find yourself feeling like you're moving through a world that isn't really designed with them in mind. It's like you're living just on the outside of these boundaries that typical people get to move seamlessly through. And when the doctor first gave my wife Valerie and I the news about this diagnosis, I had this knee jerk reaction where I started thinking about all the things that she was never going to be able to. I started creating all these boundaries for her. I thought, you know, she's never going to be able to take a long hike in the woods with me, and she's never going to go surfing with me, and she's never going to be the first female shortstop in major league baseball. And then there's all these physical boundaries that she deals with every day that push her to the periphery of a typical person's world. You know, there's. It's uneven sidewalks and it's always searching for a ramp or an elevator instead of being able to go up the steps right in front of her. And it's constantly waiting for the only handicap stall in a bathroom while some guy needs extra elbow room while he's taking a poop or something. And you know, watching your kid having to deal with these boundaries, it can be really difficult for me. But on the other side of that, there's one space with clearly defined, well drawn boundaries that its sole purpose is to make the life of a person with disabilities just a little bit easier. And it's a space that everyone in this room has looked at longingly at one point or another in their life. And it should be out of bounds to the able bodied person. And that is the handicapped parking spot. And you know, as a parent of a kid with a disability, I find it really frustrating and annoying when people leave their shopping carts in these spots. So I feel like it's my duty to move them whenever I see them. And one day I'm doing my duty, I'm moving these carts and I pull the last one out of a spot and this guy on a scooter wheels up and parks literally where I just moved this cart from. And I'm just furious. And as he's getting off of his scooter, I find myself saying a little bit more aggressively than I probably intended to, like, you can't park that here. And he just looks at me like I'm a crazy person. And he says, yeah, don't worry, I'm just running it out real quick. And it just makes me even madder. And it's just like every obstacle that has been pushing my daughter to the outside all this time has just physically manifested itself in front of me in the form of this scooter driver. And I just want to like tear this guy apart and. But this weird thing has happened to me emotionally since I've had a daughter. And for some reason when I get really angry, a lot of times I'll just start to cry. And it's really hard to project an aura of authority when you're crying, when you have just tears and snots coming out of your nose. And so I've thought about this so many times. What I wish I said is I wish I said it doesn't matter how long you're going to be, these spots aren't for you. Move your scooter to another spot and be thankful you have two functioning legs to walk in the store. But I did not say that. Instead, I charged right up to him and I got into his personal space. And I choked back my anger tears, and I just said, I'm telling. And he said, you're telling? And I said, yeah, that's right, I'm telling. And I spun around and I started walking towards the store to tell on this guy. And it just degenerated into this weird race because then he started going towards the store, and we both got inside at the same time, and I tried to look for an employee, and he went to, like, buy milk or something. And I saw this assistant manager that I recognized, and he knew that I had a daughter in a wheelchair. And he saw what was going on in my face, and he was like, is everything okay? What happened? And I just told on this guy so hard. I was just like. I was like, you know, this guy on the scooter, he just parked in a handicap spot, and he's not supposed to park in the spot. And I told him, he's not supposed to park in the spot, but he's not going to move. And now he's in here buying milk or something. And he was just as shocked and appalled as I was. And he said, hold on a second, I'm going to take care of this right now. And he went over to the public address system, and he basically publicly shamed this guy. And he said, you know, whoever parked their scooter in a handicapped parking spot needs to move it right now. And I don't know if the people in the checkout line, like, saw my face, but they all sort of rallied behind me, and they all looked shocked and appalled. And this one guy even audibly booed, which was really nice, I thought. And then I started scanning the checkout line to see if I could find the scooter driver so I could point him out to the mob and sort of, like, publicly shame him some more. And a few minutes went by and I didn't see him, so I went outside and his scooter was gone. And I felt really good because there was no way he was able to buy anything in that amount of time. And I felt really vindicated and invigorated when I left, because I felt like this group of strangers saw this injustice, and they rallied behind me and they just wanted to help. And then I started thinking about all the obstacles that I was talking about earlier that Rain has to deal with on a daily basis. And I started thinking about all the people who offered to open doors for us or move things out of our way, or just smile or give her a thumbs up as she's cruising around and it made me feel like the world is full of good people who want to help. And then, you know, I know as her father, I'm going to have to, you know, defend her, but I'm also, as she gets older, I'm going to have to teach her how to stand up for herself. And I want to teach her that if she sees somebody acting unjustly, she needs to say something. And she also needs to accept people's help when they offer it to her. And that doesn't apply just because she happens to have a disability. And, you know, maybe she won't be able to take a long hike in the woods with me, but, you know, we're already teaching her how to ride a horse, so eventually she'll get in the saddle and we'll hit the trails that way. And we've already found these groups that do adaptive surfing. So she's already been in the waves, and she loves being in the ocean. And, you know, she's probably not going to play shortstop in the major leagues, but most of your kids probably aren't either. And so. But when we go to the stadium to watch a game, she's going to have a great parking spot.
- [38:58]
Jennifer Hickson
That was Matty Strusky. He still makes it a point to move carts and obstacles out of parking spots reserved for people with disabilities all the time and really hopes you will, too. As for rain, in addition to the horseback riding and the adaptive surfing, Maddie and his wife have started taking her to the skate park. The family's been overwhelmed by how accepting and enthusiastic all the typical skaters have been. They love to see rain tackle the ramps to see a clip of rain at the skate park. And you really should, because it is adorable. Visit themoth.org.
- [39:32]
Production Team
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by prx.
- [39:42]
Jennifer Hickson
You're listening to the Moth Radio Hour from prx. I'm Jennifer Hickson. Our final story is from a man who stopped having a home life very early. He was first incarcerated at 13, lost his mother while behind bars at 16, and never met his father. He found a new sort of family in prison. But then one day, many years later, he was released. Here's Tony Ciprian live in San Francisco.
- [40:07]
Tony Ciprian
So as I sit down to eat from this spread that has been given in my honor, I can't help but to notice the two feelings that I'm having. One, I'm a little nervous. Two, I'm very excited because, you see, in the morning, I'll be paroling from state prison. After 26 years, the spread is given to me not as like to say, hey homie, we appreciate you. Nah, it was a spread to say we don't never want to see your ass in here again. And they broke out the finest of the finest top ramen chili in a can, roast beef in a can. You know, this top line of stuff, right? So after the spread has been had, it's time for me to give away some property such as my tv, my radio, and some self help books that help me a lot so they'll be better utilized left behind. Nine o'clock rolls around, it's lights out. You don't have to go to sleep, but you do got to get off the day room floor. It's cool about me. I'm leaving in the morning. So I may have gotten like three hours worth of sleep that night. I slept ready, roll. And that means I slept with my clothes on. Soon as they call my name, I'm out of there. Bye, see you later. So 5:45 rolls around, the night man says, Cyprian D 37875 report to R and R. I walk down that corridor for the last time, walk through one gate after another till I get to R and R and that's receiving and release. And I'm on the release end at this point. I get to R and R and there's about seven to six other guys waiting for the same thing. They start fingerprinting me, mug shots and everything cool, like, time to go. So they load us onto a van and we drive through one gate after another gate till we get to the final gate. The cop says, all right, everybody off the van. You'll step to the man at the base of the tower there and you'll give him some personal information. So we did. And he gave each man an envelope with $200 in it, better known as gate money. We all got back onto the van and drove through that last gate. We made it around to the visitor's parking lot and he asked, is there anyone with a ride? I do. I was the only one to get off the van. These other guys, that $200 gate money, they had to spend it on buying their bus tickets. Maybe back to Southern California either farther up north. But I was the lucky one. My wife was waiting there with her camera. I could see her. She was snapping pictures of me like a paparazzi. I walked briskly towards her, gave her a quick kiss, whispered in her ear, let's get out of here before they say we made a mistake. We got in the car drove away. I saw a 7 11. I was like, hey, babe, pull over. I want to go and get something. So I went in and grabbed a pack of Big Red gum. I hadn't had chewing gum in 26 years. Big Red was my favorite. We got back in the car, drove away. We were on the road for about 30 to 45 minutes. I spotted a Target. I said, hey, babe, that's Target. I saw that on the tv. Pull over. I want to go in there. So we did. The first thing that caught my eye was how big the shopping basket was. It was bigger than the space that I had to store my personal property while in prison. I grabbed the basket and went down the aisle, grabbing various things such as underwear, socks, T shirt, toothbrush, toothpaste. You name it, I grabbed it. Well, there goes that $200 gate money. So back in the car, and my wife says, so, what do you want for dinner? Whoa. She stumped me with that one, because for 26 years, no one had ever asked me, what do I want for dinner? My dinner came through a 13 by 13 hole in the wall. You stick your hand in there and pull out a tray and whatever on there, that's what you eat. So she says, I know what to fix. So she drove. We made it to the grocery store, went into the grocery store, this gigantic store, Berkeley Bowl. So I made it to the produce section. I'm stuck. There are so many oranges to choose from. And the reason and I'm stuck just looking at the oranges is because for the past 10 years in prison, they had taken oranges away from us because they were used to make wine. So there's like a bumpy orange, a smooth orange, a navel orange. I even met my first blood orange. And at the same time, this wave hit me of alone and feeling like, I don't know, a nervous feeling hit me. Like I'm the only person in this store who's paroled from a prison. Today after 26 years, I'm a little stuck. A little. So I'm looking around and I spot this ink work. It's not the typical ink work that I see out here now. Like, what colors? Now I know this ink work. This is prison ink. He has a prison guard tower on him, a melted clock with time. I know that work. I've seen that many times. So I walk over to him and I whisper, so what yard did you parole from? He said, oh, me, I got paroled from Pelican Bay, like, four months ago. I was like. And they know you got out of prison. They know you're on parole. Oh, yeah. They're not tripping here. This is Berkeley, man. Nobody's tripping. Well, I walked away from him with the understanding that if he can get a job, so can I. So I met my wife at the checkout. Once again, there's another stunned moment for me. There are 12 checkout lines and there's somebody on the other end bagging the groceries. In prison, there was one window, maybe 13 by 13 again, and there was like 300 guys waiting to get into this one window with their lists. I didn't have to worry about an alarm going off or anything. No getting down. We're going to get our groceries and leave out of here. That was my thought. Cool. So we made it through the checkout, went back to the car, got in the car, and we're on the road and we come to a stoplight and this homeless guy had a sign that says, anything will help. So my wife reaches into the cup holder and gets ready to hand him some change. And all of a sudden he gets a phone call. And he tells my wife. And my thoughts was like, if he got a cell phone, I got to get one. So we drive away, and my wife, she just drives real fast, right? And we make it to the neighborhood just as fast as we got to the store. And she pulls into the neighborhood and she points out the various neighbors house. This is where Fred and Mike live. The brewers live here. And I'm like, okay. And we get to our house and she said, and this is us. We live at the edge of the forest. I'm like, cool, cool. And so we went inside and she gives me the grand tour. And so she says, well, I'm going to prepare this dinner. I said, cool. So she made steak and lobster with small potatoes. Nothing out of a can, folks. Nothing out of a packet either. She made this meal, we sat down, we ate, and I had my first glass of wine with my meal. I'm not saying I've never had wine before. I've never had wine with a meal. This is some grown folk shit, I thought, right? So after the meal was finished, we're cleaning up, washing dishes. My wife says, you want to get further acclimated? I'm like, yeah. She said, take out the garbage. No problem. I reach down, tie that garbage bag up, throw it over my shoulder, and out to the front door I go. When I opened up the door, no more than 8ft away from me was a 10 point buck just standing there looking at me. Look at it standing, staring at me. Now, had we been on a prison yard, me and his buck would have had issues. Now, I speak a lot of different gangster languages. I'm fluent in Crip. I understand blood. I even speak a little sh. Holo. Vato Loco. But I don't speak dear. So I shut the door. I called out to my wife, I said, hey, babe, there's somebody here to see you. She came to the door, opened it and saw there was the buck. She grabbed the trash bag and walked right past it. I said, damn, she speaks deer. She came back and we both look out the door together at this buck who's still standing there, just looking, just majestic as could be. And my wife says, you don't need to trip him. He's just one neighbor coming to welcome you to the neighborhood. Cool. I thought like, well, the fellas aren't gonna believe this shit when I tell them this. I met my first deer. I met my first blood orange. I had my first glass of wine with my meal. Wow. This is my first day of my new life. What's tomorrow gonna bring me? Thank.
- [51:37]
Jennifer Hickson
That was Tony Ciprian. When I was working through this story with him, I asked, so were you afraid when you first saw that 10 point buck? He said, jennifer, first of all, if I was afraid of that buck, and for the record, I was not. But even if I was, I would never say so. Tony is grateful to have found a job that he enjoys working with metal. He also loves telling stories and even does stand up. He's pretty fully acclimated now and happily takes out the garbage without being reminded. Just another opportunity to see his woodland friends. To see a picture of Tony and his wife in the visiting room of the prison and a picture of the neighborhood buck who now regularly naps in the yard. Visit themoth.org that's it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour. We hope you'll join us next time. And that's the story from the Moth.
- [52:36]
Production Team
Your host this hour was Jennifer Hickson. Jennifer also directed the stories in the show. The rest of the Moss directorial staff includes Kathryn Burns, Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin, Janess and Meg Bowles. Production support from Timothy Lou Lee. Mall Stories are True is remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by the Drift. Other music in this hour from Mark Orton, Rob Stenson, the Meters, RJD2 and Soul Live. You can find links to all the music we use at our website. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by me, Jay Allison with Vicki Merrick at Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. This hour was produced with funds from the National Endowment for the Arts. The Moth Radio Hour is presented by prx. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.