Transcript
Kathryn Burns (0:00)
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Kathryn Burns (1:20)
This is the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. Hi, I'm Kathryn Burns and this time we're going to hear about occasional magic, those moments of wonder and clarity that we sometimes stumble upon in life. We're just going along in the day to day, minding our own business, and then bam, suddenly something happens and we discover a piece of truth in our lives. These moments often sneak up on me and I can miss them entirely if I'm not paying attention. Magic is definitely at play in our first story told by Chenjerai Kumanyika. He told the story at a Moth event we produced in Las Vegas where he partnered with Nevada Public Radio and the Black Mountain Institute. Here's Chinjerai Kumanyika live at the Moth.
Chenjerai Kumanyika (2:02)
So I was at this family barbecue earlier this summer. You know, I don't know if y'all go to Black Family Bar because Frankie Beverly Mays is playing. I was eating a second plate of Mac and cheese I promised myself I wouldn't eat, you know, and I was doing some card tricks for my 7 year old nephew Jonathan. And after a couple tricks, you know, Jonathan looks up at me and he kind of goes, you know, how did you do it? How did it work? And I was like, ah, you know, it's magic. You know, he got excited, he's like, oh, magic. You know, he kept asking me, I'm doing more tricks. He kept asking me, right? And then, you know, for some reason I started to think, well, maybe, maybe he's asking me something bigger than the card trick I was projecting, right? I mean, you know, and so like, for some reason, I went way too dark on this, right? I started, this kid's gotta know, this is the time for this 7 year old kid to understand, like, this is a trick. So I was like, I called him. I was like, yo, come here. I showed him how the trick worked, right? And then I was like, look, man, you know, this is a trick, man. But you, you know, you gotta deal with reality. You know, you just saw like his seven year old face just drop. And I knew that I had failed as an adult human. You know, I had told him that there was no magic. And it's funny that I would be the one to deliver that because my own relationship to this question is much more complicated. You see, when I was about 13, my aunt went to go live in Senegal and she invited me to come stay with her for a month or so over the summer. Like a lot of African Americans, I don't really know exactly where my ancestry is from, but I'd never been out of the country, so it was so exciting to go to Africa, right? And when I landed in Dakar, it was like everything was new. I mean, I'm talking about like just to go get some bread from the store was like an adventure, right? You know, it's like you see everything. New buildings, new languages and smells. And my aunt was going to be really busy while I was there, so she hired a guy to kind of look out for me. And his name was ron. He's about 30 years old and he was a chaperone, right? So during the time I was there, Ron was like my big brother. He told me about his life, I mean, not just in Dakar, right? Just as an older man. And I told him about my life because, you know, things were starting to change a little bit. You know, I was coming to terms with what it meant to be a guy in this black male body. That looked tough, but I had the heart of like a podcaster or like a Lord of the Rings fan or something, right? You know, and at that, you know, I was trying to also figure out how I would make decisions. Could I trust myself? You know, I mean, my parents had done a pretty good job of sheltering me from the ugliest parts of life, but I was living in Baltimore in the 1980s and it felt like the danger could walk right up to your door. I told Ron about the time I was just Playing tag with my friends. And the police had followed us home and questioned my mother. I told him a lot of my friends, you know, knew drug dealers and had seen people killed, killed, and some even had guns. Ron was, like, horrified, right? This wasn't the America that he knew about. And he wanted to get some protection for me. So Ron knew of this elder who was skilled in making certain special talismans that could actually protect you from guns and knives. And he wanted. He's like, yo, people in Senegal have these things. And he wanted to get one for his African American little brother to protect me from the violence of America. So the next morning, we found ourselves on a bus going out to the outskirts of Dakar. We got off the bus and walked into this small white house. When I walked in, I met this elder. I was instructed to go into the bathroom by myself, take a bath. I put on this robe, and when I came out, they handed me this white towel, and it was filled with this little black powder. And Ron and I took that towel to a local tailor and had it sewn into an animal skin belt. And I remember when it was done, just holding it in my hands, feeling its power, like, yeah, now I'm going to be protected. But then Ron told me there was a catch. He goes, in order for this belt to work, you have to believe in it. And in order for you to believe in it, we gotta go back to the heel, to the elder. You gotta put the belt on. And then I'm gonna have to shoot you. What? Ron, little brother, no, I would never. I wouldn't put you in harm's way. Look, I know what you're thinking, right? Like, this is supposed to be a real easy decision for me, right? I mean, I wasn't the most street savvy kid, but I did know rule number one. Don't let people shoot you, even if they ask nicely. But, you know, like, I wanted that belt to work too, right? I mean, can you imagine going back as a kid to Baltimore with this belt? You know, that was like some Marvel comic type stuff. I was like, I wanted that to work. And then also, why was Ron doing this? Like, Ron knew my aunt, you know, I mean, there must be. What was going on? I didn't understand. And I thought about it over and over, and I was like, I just pictured myself looking down the barrel of a gun while Ron shot. I was like, hell, no, I can't do that. Can't do it. I told Ron he was disappointed, and we went back to Dakar. At this point, I made an executive decision not to tell my aunt that the chaperone she had hired just asked if he could shoot me. But, you know, I did want to know, like, what my aunt thought, because my aunt was, like a real no nonsense person. So I was like, surely she'll validate my responsible choice here. So I asked her, hey, auntie, like, what do you think about talismans? Or, like, those kind like Ma? She said, well, actually, I think they work, but only if you believe in them. So, man. So I went back to, you know, after the summer's over, I went back to Baltimore and I kept this belt, you know, and as I would. For some reason, I held onto it even as I got older, right, Moving from house to house. Sometimes I would put it on, you know, look in the mirror, and I would just wonder if it works, you know, it was really frustrating, you know, because I kind of felt like I had just missed this chance to know. Should I have trusted Ron? Should I have trusted myself? I would never know. A couple years later, my aunt went back to Africa, this time to Ghana to live for a couple years. And once again, she invited me to come stay with her. This time we were in Ghana, and I was. I spent a lot of time with a friend of mine named Kwabana. And, you know, Ghana is a very religious place, but Kwabana could never quite figure out what my religion was, right? He was. You know, he was. All he knew was I had long dreadlocks and I didn't eat meat. So he was like. He just decided I was a Rasta, you know, a pure Rasta. That's what he used to call me. And he would yell at anybody tried to give me meat. He's a pure Rasta. Leave him alone. You know, but, you know, Kwabana. And I got closer, and I wanted Kwabana to know, like, that. That wasn't really the whole story. So I told him. I said, kwabana, I respect the Rastafarian tradition. I really do, but I'm not a Rasta. And he was like, well, what are you? Are you a Christian? He was a Muslim, right? So he was like, you know, are you a Muslim like me? I was like, no. He said, well, what is it? I said, well, I kind of respect traditional African religions because I feel like that's what was taken away from us. When I said that, Kwabina's eyes got real big. He was like, oh, you practiced the traditional religion? He said, well, my family practices this religion too, right? I want to take you to my village and show you how it really goes down. So once again, I found myself on a bus early in the morning, Headed to the outskirts of a west African town. And this time, on the bus, you know, kwabana's telling me, like, man, our family's ways are a whole system, right? It's not just tricks, but there are some things that, to your eyes, are gonna seem like magic. We got off the bus. It was early in the morning, was kind of dark. He said his grandfather had been the keeper of the family secrets, but his grandfather had passed the secrets down when he died to a young priest, and that was who we had to find. But after walking from house to house and knocking on doors, we quickly learned that this isn't the kind of person that you find. He has to find you. And at 11 o'clock at night, we're in a bar, pretty much having given up, and he found us. He walked in, he had an assistant with him, you know, And I was. At that point, I was kind of like. I was a little bit. I was ner. I was like, disappointed. But I was also kind of relaxed because I hadn't known what was going to happen, you know? But then he walks in, and I was like, oh, shit. Oh, shit, right? And he's like. He says, you know, he comes in, he goes, look, I knew you were here the whole time. He told kwabena he had to verify that he was really family. And he verified that. He said, I heard about you, too. And I did some divination. I have something I want to show both of you. And then we walked out of the bar. And as we walked down, like, this long dirt road, because now it's night, it's dark, and his assistant stops at this little vendor and buys a machete. I was like, oh, that's interesting. We walk a little further, and we stop outside of the shed. And they explain that we're going to go in that shed and there's going to be an initiation. And that initiation is going to involve the machete. Then his assistant starts sharpening that machete. I don't know about y'all, but something about that metal scraping on metal like that just brings everything into focus, right? And I was. I started thinking, right? I was like, okay, you know, he goes in the shed. I'm like, huh? I'm like, on one hand, I'm like, man, I'm like, I could die out here, right? But I also had spent all these years just wondering about the belt. And I was like, I'm Here again. So I was like, I'm, you know, I'm going to go into shit. I can't tell you everything that happened inside the shed, but I'm going to tell you a couple things that went down. First, there were some prayers made in the shed. Second, there was a point where I was given a word by the young priest. And he told me that when I was ready, I should say the word. And then he was gonna take that cold, sharp blade of the machete and press it against my chest. And then he would take a piece of wood and bang the machete, you know, really hard into my chest. And then if I said the word, it wouldn't cut. And then he asked me if I was ready. I took a deep breath, then I said, I'm ready. And I said the word. And he put the machete, pressed it right. I felt it going into my skin, the sharp blade. And he pulled back, seemed like in slow motion. Bang. Knocked it into my chest.