The Moth Radio Hour: "You Say Goodbye"

Host: Meg Bowles
Release Date: July 24, 2018

Introduction

In this compelling episode of The Moth Radio Hour titled "You Say Goodbye," host Meg Bowles explores the myriad ways we bid farewell to people, places, and cherished memories. Through a series of heartfelt and transformative stories, listeners are invited to reflect on the universal experience of saying goodbye and the profound impact it has on our lives.

Story 1: Ash Bardwaj – "You Say Goodbye to Heritage"

[03:45 - 17:07]

Speaker: Ash Bardwaj, Travel Journalist and Filmmaker

Ash Bardwaj opens the episode with a poignant recount of his father's funeral and the traditional Hindu rituals he undertook to honor his father's passing. Growing up in a family where his Indian heritage was not fully embraced, Ash felt disconnected from his roots. This detachment presented itself starkly during his father's funeral, where Ash was tasked with the responsibility of performing the tarpan ritual—a sacred Hindu practice meant to aid the soul's journey into the afterlife.

Notable Moments:

• Cultural Disconnect:
  Ash describes his father's unique position in the family, being the only one to marry outside his culture, which led to a lack of deep understanding of Hindu traditions within the household.

  "I have no idea today what Diwali really means and I know the names of none of the 330 million Hindu gods." ([09:15])

• Journey to Haridwar:
  Over six years, familial pressure compelled Ash to undertake the ritual in Haridwar, a sacred city in India. The journey became a profound exploration of his heritage and personal identity.

  "As we carried north and left the city behind, I saw the green of the Indian countryside and rivers, and it felt like the India of myth and legend." ([12:30])

• Connecting with Ancestry:
  The culmination of the ritual, marked by the priest showing Ash the extensive family tree, bridged the gap between his present self and his ancestral lineage.

  "I felt connected to this long tribe of Indians, all of whom had done exactly the same thing as me." ([16:50])

Insights & Conclusions:

Ash's journey underscores the struggle of reconnecting with one's heritage and the unexpected ways in which farewell rituals can lead to self-discovery and a deeper sense of belonging. His experience in Haridwar not only fulfilled a familial duty but also instilled a newfound appreciation for his cultural roots, shaping his path as a storyteller and adventurer.

Story 2: Courtney Antonioli – "The Last Day"

[17:07 - 26:24]

Speaker: Courtney Antonioli, Writer and Community Organizer

Courtney Antonioli shares an emotionally charged narrative about her divorce, detailing the intimate and painful process of ending an eight-year marriage. Set against the backdrop of a Waterbury, Connecticut courtroom, Courtney delves into the vulnerabilities and final moments shared with her soon-to-be-ex-husband, Peter.

Notable Moments:

• Courtroom Dynamics:
  Courtney paints a vivid picture of the courtroom environment, highlighting the contrast between her formal attire and the casual dress of others.

  "Courtroom is dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and I'm wearing a suit." ([20:54])

• Emotional Turmoil:
  The story captures the raw emotions of the finalization process, emphasizing the lack of animosity between her and Peter, which sets their divorce apart from others.

  "Peter and I are the only couple sitting next to each other. But that makes me really happy because Peter and I don't hate each other." ([23:10])

• Final Goodbye:
  As the divorce is finalized, Courtney reflects on the irreversible nature of their separation and the lingering love that persists despite the end of their marriage.

  "And he says, 'courtney, I could never hate you.' And I hate him for not hating me." ([25:45])

Insights & Conclusions:

Courtney's story highlights the complexity of farewells within personal relationships. Unlike the expected bitterness, her divorce was marked by mutual respect and lingering affection. This unique dynamic underscores the multifaceted nature of goodbyes, where love can persist even as relationships officially end. Courtney's vulnerability offers listeners a glimpse into the nuanced emotions involved in letting go of a significant other.

Story 3: Becca Stevens – "Grieving a Goldfish"

[26:24 - 39:16]

Speaker: Becca Stevens, Author and Episcopal Priest

Becca Stevens delivers a deeply personal account of grieving the loss of her goldfish, Goldie. Despite the seemingly trivial nature of losing a pet fish, Becca's narrative reveals profound insights into grief, memory, and the unexpected moments that can evoke immense emotional responses.

Notable Moments:

• Unexpected Grief Trigger:
  Becca recounts her initial disbelief and subsequent sadness upon learning of Goldie's death, highlighting how grief can surface in unexpected ways.

  "I'm crying over a goldfish, and it feels more ridiculous because I felt like my whole life I had handled grief so well." ([35:20])

• Symbolism of Goldie:
  Goldie represented more than just a pet; she was a source of routine and a bridge between Becca and her children, embodying the simple joys of motherhood.

  "Goldie was what helped me hang on to being a mom to young kids. That was it." ([38:10])

• Reflection on Grief:
  Sitting alone on the beach, Becca reflects on the nature of grief and its capacity to reveal deeper emotional layers, even in moments that seem insignificant to others.

  "In grieving, it is this beautiful way of saying thank you. I loved you." ([38:55])

Insights & Conclusions:

Becca's story emphasizes that grief is a personal and often unpredictable journey. Losing something as small as a goldfish can unlock a cascade of emotions tied to broader experiences of loss and love. Her ability to find meaning in this loss demonstrates the universal truth that every goodbye, no matter how small, holds significance in shaping our emotional landscape.

Story 4: Michael Seth – "A Moment of Salvation"

[40:38 - 53:09]

Speaker: Michael Seth, Data Analyst

Michael Seth concludes the episode with an intense and harrowing narrative of his near-death experience on the Millennium Bridge in London. This story delves into themes of mental health, the struggle with suicidal thoughts, and the fragile line between life and death.

Notable Moments:

• The Moment of Crisis:
  Michael vividly describes his emotional state leading up to his planned suicide, detailing the internal battle and the isolation he felt despite his achievements.

  "I thought it would be simple, quick, clean. And I picked the Millennium Bridge because I knew it would be quiet." ([46:50])

• Surviving the Attempt:
  The recounting of his plunge into the Thames and the physical struggle to survive underscores the unpredictable nature of such crises and the sudden shifts in perspective that can occur.

  "I could see the light peeking over the embankment. I was very cold. I was wet through into my boots." ([51:30])

• Reflection and Aftermath:
  Looking back, Michael acknowledges his ongoing struggles with anxiety and loneliness, yet also recognizes the unforeseen second chance he's been given.

  "Four years later, I graduated from Imperial with a first in physics, and maybe I shouldn't have listened to that voice." ([52:10])

Insights & Conclusions:

Michael's story serves as a powerful reminder of the silent battles many face and the importance of mental health support. His survival was not just a personal victory but also a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. By sharing his experience, Michael sheds light on the complexities of mental health challenges and the transformative power of surviving a moment of darkness.

Conclusion

"You Say Goodbye" weaves together diverse narratives that collectively explore the multifaceted nature of farewells. Whether it's reconnecting with one's heritage, ending a personal relationship, grieving a beloved pet, or surviving a life-threatening moment, each story underscores the profound impact of saying goodbye. Through vulnerability and authenticity, The Moth Radio Hour invites listeners to embrace their own experiences of parting and the growth that often follows.

For More Stories and Resources: Visit themoth.org to explore additional stories, upcoming events, and resources for sharing your own narrative experiences.