Walter Mosley: Let That Weight Go - The Moth

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Moth – "Walter Mosley: Let That Weight Go"

Episode Information

Title: Walter Mosley: Let That Weight Go
Host/Author: The Moth
Release Date: February 18, 2013

Introduction In this episode of The Moth, esteemed author Walter Mosley shares a deeply personal narrative titled "Let That Weight Go." Told live in Chicago, Mosley delves into themes of history, race, and the enduring impact of past traumas on present lives. The story examines how language and societal labels can perpetuate old wounds and influence interpersonal relationships.

Living with the Past Walter Mosley begins his story by reflecting on the inevitable connection between aging and revisiting the past. At [02:29], he states:

"The older you are, the more you live in the past. And that everybody, every person as they live, every man and every woman, they're going forward through the years and the decades and they're still influenced by these things behind them."

Mosley explains that despite societal progress, individuals often carry outdated beliefs and prejudices that continue to shape their interactions and self-perception.

Early Education and Historical Awareness Mosley recounts his childhood experience attending Victory Baptist Day School in Los Angeles, where his parents sought to provide a better education for people of color. He shares pivotal lessons from his youth, such as understanding derogatory terms like "boy" and "girl" used by older white men in the South to address black individuals dismissively. At [04:00], he describes:

"This came into me, this is part of my history, this is who I am and who I was and where I'm coming from."

Additionally, Mosley reflects on viewing a daguerreotype of a black woman laboring with a heavy sack of cotton, symbolizing the enduring burden of historical oppression.

Experience as a Night Crew Custodian Transitioning to his late teens, Mosley describes his role as a nightly custodian for the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD). Alongside a group of young black men, he performed various maintenance tasks at schools. A significant incident involved a colleague named Eddie, who ominously declared at [06:00]:

"If somebody offered me $2,200 to kill you, you'd be dead."

Mosley initially dismissed Eddie's threat with laughter, questioning the motive behind such a statement. However, this interaction marked a profound moment of introspection about the underlying tensions and the weight of racial history carried by individuals.

A Defining Moment in New York City Fast forward 37 years, Mosley narrates an encounter in New York City's West Village. While observing a young white man promoting a gay rave, Mosley notices a young black man interacting with him using derogatory language. At [09:45], the black man bluntly asks:

"Any bitches up in here?"

Despite expecting conflict reminiscent of his past experiences, Mosley witnesses a moment of understanding and release. The black man and the white man conclude their exchange peacefully, prompting Mosley to realize the possibility of letting go of historical burdens:

"You got to let that load go."

Conclusion: Letting Go of Historical Weights Mosley concludes his story by acknowledging the difficulty of shedding the heavy historical burdens that have been ingrained over generations. He likens himself to the woman in the daguerreotype, burdened by a "400-year-old sack," and expresses fear about the personal impact of releasing this weight:

"I was left there feeling I would like to, but it's grafted to my skin and that I'm afraid that if I let it go, it might kill me."

Reflections and Insights Through his narrative, Mosley explores the complexities of racial identity and the lingering effects of historical injustices. His story underscores the importance of recognizing and addressing the invisible burdens that individuals carry, advocating for a collective effort to release these weights for personal and societal healing.

Awards and Accomplishments Walter Mosley is a prolific author with over 40 books, including the bestselling Easy Rawlins mystery series. His accolades include an O. Henry Award, a Grammy, and PEN America's Lifetime Achievement Award. Mosley resides in Brooklyn, New York.

Upcoming Events The Moth Main Stage is scheduled to return to Chicago on Thursday, March 28, and to the Boston area on Thursday, April 11, presented by WBUR. For more information and ticketing details, visit themoth.org and WBUR.org.

Closing Remarks Dan Kennedy wraps up the episode by thanking Walter Mosley and the audience, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own stories and the weights they carry. The episode serves as a poignant reminder of the power of storytelling in fostering understanding and empathy.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

Walter Mosley [02:29]:

"The older you are, the more you live in the past."
Walter Mosley [04:00]:

"This is part of my history, this is who I am and who I was and where I'm coming from."
Eddie [06:00]:

"If somebody offered me $2,200 to kill you, you'd be dead."
Walter Mosley [09:45]:

"Any bitches up in here?"
Walter Mosley [12:25]:

"You got to let that load go."

Final Thoughts Walter Mosley's "Let That Weight Go" is a compelling exploration of how historical prejudices and personal experiences shape our present interactions. Through vivid storytelling, Mosley invites listeners to examine their own burdens and consider the liberation that comes with releasing outdated weights.

Transcript

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Dan Kennedy (2:11)

I'm Dan Kennedy. The story you're about to hear by Walter Moseley was told live in Chicago early last year. The theme of the night was a more perfect union story, stories of prejudice and power. Here's Walter.

Walter Mosley (2:29)

You know, I've been absolutely convinced in this part of my life in my 60th year, which I'm in now, that the older you are, the more you live in the past. And that everybody, every person as they live, every man and every woman, they're going forward through the years and the decades and they're still influenced by These things behind them, these things are no longer true. They no longer really have validity. They're no longer what's real in the world today. But we can't help it. We drag these things with us. And some people drag things even older than themselves. And I wanted to tell a three part story that had to do with that. It starts off when I'm a little kid and my parents work for the Los Angeles Unified School District in Los Angeles. And they realized that people of color weren't getting a good education. Mid-50s, they sent me to Victory Baptist Day School. In Victory Baptist Day School they teach reading, writing, arithmetic, and they also teach you who you are. They teach all kinds of things, like things that you really wouldn't know being a young kid in la, or maybe a young kid today anywhere in America that older men and women in the south were called boy and girl. And this was a derogatory term to say, yeah, hey boy, you know, a 12 year old says to a 60 year old, hey boy, come here, you know, hey girl, you say to the woman who's taking care of you, come here. That was something that I learned. This is part of your history. Another thing is I was shown a daguerreotype, an ancient photograph of a woman, a black woman, bent over at a 90 degree angle with a sack of cotton on her back. The sack is five, five times larger than her. It's twice as heavy as she is and she's just dragging it and she's picking cotton and she's picking that cotton and she's putting it in the bag. That's what she's doing. She's putting this cotton in the bag, dragging this gigantic weight in her life all day long. And this came into me, this is part of my history, this is who I am and who I was and where I'm coming from. Some years goes by, maybe 10, 12 years. Now I'm 18 years old. I'm a nighttime crew custodian for the Board of Education, lausd. It's a group of about eight young men, all of us black. And we go to school at night and we do things. We, you know, strip wax off of floors or we wax floors, or we move the chairs out of classrooms or we move them back in again. We do big jobs in the yard, things that the regular staff didn't have time to do and didn't have the manpower to do. And so we come in and we do the work. It was kind of fun, you know, maybe 18 to 22, 23 years old, all, you know Black. I was the only one from la because it's la. Most people come from other places. There's one guy, his name's Eddie, tall, lanky guy, wore glasses, a little bit older than me. One day at a 10 o'clock lunch, Eddie's staring at me. He's just staring, like really hard. And he's looking and finally said, hey, hey, Eddie, what's up, man? And he said, you know, Walter, I like you. And I said, good, good. He said, but you know, man, if somebody offered me $2,200 to kill you, you'd be dead. And, you know, I laughed. Not like you're laughing. I went and I said, I said, well, you know, you don't have to worry about that. I don't think anybody wants me dead that bad. But I'm thinking like, number one, what does he need? $2,200. What debt? And why does he think that my demolition will somehow save him, you know, but, you know, went on, there's another guy, his name was John, he was from Arkansas, very tall guy, loved to laugh and play. And, you know, he was always saying, walter, can't you introduce me to some California girls? Because he's, you know, from Arkansas. He thinks I know things, which I didn't. But, you know, he wanted to have a good time, he wanted to play. You know, one night, all of us go to a school. It's, you know, about 6:00, we get there. There's a woman, an older white lady, late 50s, early 60s, who works in the office. She's the one who was supposed to let us in and show us where we begin to do our work. And we walk in and she's very open, very friendly, comes right up to us and she says, well, I'm so glad to see you boys. You can. And before she could finish, John jumped at her and screamed unintelligibly, like, ah. And he's at her, he's a big guy. Took four guys to hold him back. At one point while he's screaming, he says, I will kill you. I will kill you. And she falls behind the desk. She's scared. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh my. What happened? You know, what did I do? And the guys, you know, drag him out. And I think Eddie actually went out to talk to him. Maybe he was threatening him or something. Anyway, he's outside and I'm sitting there and it slowly dawns on me that because this white woman from California, who probably has sons older than any of us, said, you boys. And he's from Arkansas. And he heard that story I learned at Victory Baptist. When you call a black man a boy, this is a terrible insult. And he was so sensitive that he would have actually attacked her. And I realized that my enemy wasn't language itself. It wasn't the utterance of language itself. It wasn't even what somebody meant. But it's how that language affected me, how sensitive I was. And I imagined John like that woman picking the cotton with this gigantic pustule on his back, larger than him, heavier than him, older than him, that if anybody just touched it, he would go crazy. It would explode. So now, you know, this is the 1960s, 1970s, actually. Now we're going to jump. 37 years later, I'm living in New York City. I'm living in the West Village. I'm walking down Christopher street one early evening. There's a young man, about the age I was when I worked for the Board of Education, young white guy. And he's standing there handing out pamphlets, and he's saying, come to the gay rave. Come to the gay rave. Come to the gay rave. He's very happy. He's handing out these pamphlets. People are taking them. And he said, gay rave. Only 20 blocks from here. Come to the gay rave. You know, and people are taking them, and people are walking by. And I stopped. I didn't even realize I stopped. But there was a young black man, also about the same age, standing, looking at him, and he just really looking at him like this. Just like Eddie was looking at me when he was thinking about killing me for that $2,200. And he's looking so strongly at this guy that it stopped me. And finally, the young black man, he reaches forward and he takes one of the pamphlets, and he grabs it, and he's reading it, and he's studying it, and it's really serious. And finally, when there was nobody around the guy for a moment, the black guy said, hey. Hey, man. Hey, man. Tell me something. Tell me something. And the white guy smiles, says, what do you want, man? He goes, any bitches up in here? And the white guy looks at him and he smiles, shakes his head, and he says, no, brother, just us niggas. And I was afraid. It was like somebody slapped me across the face. I thought this guy was going to explode like John. I thought it was going to be this incredible fight. But instead, the black guy nods and smiles, and he says, I all right. And he was ready, you know, that's what he wanted to know. He didn't want no bitches up in there, he only wanted niggers. Now, I was in a quandary. I'm sitting there, you know, I'm an older man now, you know, and these are these two young men. And, you know, I was thinking, well, maybe I should correct them, you know, maybe I should say using this sexist language, this racist language. And I'm just sitting there thinking about it. I thought about it for so long that when I looked up, they were gone. A white guy had gone to some other corner to invite people to the gay rave. The black guy has gone to the gay rave, you know, and. And I was sitting there and it finally came to me that they weren't talking to me. They were talking to each other. They had their own language, they were using language. And I had been so deeply affected, not unlike John had been all those years before. And I finally realized that what they were saying to me, even though they weren't talking to me, what they were saying to me is, is you got to let that load go. And I realized that I was like that woman carrying that gigantic, that heavy, that 400 year old sack on my back. And I was dragging it. And not only was I carrying it, it was grafted to me. It was a part of me. I'm dragging this thing out of history and it's guiding my life. It's governing my life. It's making me make assumptions about these people who I don't know. And I. I did not understand. And they were saying, you got to let that weight go. And I was left there feeling I would like to, but it's grafted to my skin and that I'm afraid that if I let it go, it might kill me. Thank you.