The Neighborhood Listen – “A Curious Case with Victoria Longwell”

Podcast: The Neighborhood Listen
Date: December 16, 2025
Hosts: Burnt Millipede (Paul F. Tompkins), Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker), Doug (Brett Morris)
Guest: Victoria Longwell as Emily
Theme: Exploring the fine (and sometimes criminal) line between neighborly curiosity and boundary-crossing in the quirky town of Dignity Falls.

Episode Overview

This episode features another deep dive into the eccentric world of Dignity Falls, focusing on a neighborhood post about a mysterious package thief—a post that leads to a revealing, hilarious, and unusually philosophical interview with the alleged culprit, Emily (Victoria Longwell). Hosts Burnt, Joan, and Doug explore themes of curiosity, social boundaries, neighborly intent, and the gray areas of morality, all through their signature mix of improv and genuine curiosity. Foley antics, holiday prep, and digressions about Dignity Falls’ unique customs add hilarity and texture to the story.

Key Discussion Points & Segment Breakdown

1. Opening Banter: Vibes, Milk Glass, and The Foley Room (00:30–18:00)

• Podcast Vibes: The hosts riff off "Good Vibes Only" and debate its applicability to their show:
  • “Do you think that’s true?” (Burnt, 02:39)
  • Milk glass vs. dirty dishes spiral into a punchy, improv-leaning debate—"I'm so unhappy... this is the feminine overdrive like I told you about!" (Joan, 04:43)
• Feminine Overdrive: Joan’s humorous rebranding of perimenopause.
• Foley Room Fun: Introduction of Doug’s “Foley room” sound effect experiments, including carrots for nuclear blasts and discussion about how sound effects are crafted for radio and film:
  • “You can achieve a nuclear blast with a carrot.” (Doug, 12:16)
  • The hosts playfully challenge and escalate Doug’s experiments with objects to create unusual sound effects.

2. Dignity Falls Holiday Traditions & Local Color (18:00–27:00)

• Scented Holiday Misters: The town modifies their summer cooling misters with holiday scents, causing both festive moods and hospitalizations:
  • “You can’t just do pure nog!” (Joan, 19:12)
• Destination Holiday Plans: Burnt shares odd plans for a “destination Christmas” atop Wyoming's Devil's Tower, riffing on climbing, Dick Cheney, and movie references like Close Encounters and Free Solo (with comedic confusion: Han Solo as the climber):
  • "He comes from a family of smokejumpers... Crampons will be involved, from what I understand." (Burnt, 25:02)
• Regional Humor: Ongoing jabs about town customs, merchandise, and quirky traditions, setting up the episode’s tone.

3. Main Story: The Package Theft—Interview with Emily (Emily/guest: Victoria Longwell) (33:54–87:03)

a. The Post: Crime Report on the Neighborhap (Social Networking App) (34:23–36:06)

• Summary: Anahata reports seeing a stranger at her doorstep (Emily), who claims to be from the Vons grocery store, but leaves after an awkward exchange. Shortly after, her package of cat food is found missing.
• Memorable quote:
  • “She nervously said, hi, you remember me? I said, no. She said, I work at the Vons, and I stopped here to say hi to you and then drove off…” (Burnt reading, 34:38)

b. Emily’s Account—Curiosity Gone Wild (36:10–47:02)

• Admission of Guilt with a Twist:
  • "Pretty much the account they gave is accurate, except it wasn’t intended to be a theft. I do work at Vons, and I do like to say hi to my customers. And it’s tough that in this climate it gets filtered through somebody’s brain as package theft rather than just community." (Emily, 36:50)
• Motivation: She frames her actions as stemming from insatiable curiosity and desire for connection, but admits to snooping and accidentally taking the package.
• Details:
  • Emily confesses to opening the package ("I’d opened it. I’d opened the package."—41:37), claiming she panicked upon being discovered and meant no harm.

c. Hosts’ Judgment and Emily’s Rationalization (47:05–62:26)

• Defensiveness and Ethics: The hosts debate with Emily about personal responsibility versus curiosity, referencing both minor and major acts of overstepping.
• Absurd Turns:
  • The Vons employee badge system, which includes personality adjectives (“...Bob, and underneath it says surly... Biff, and underneath it says murderous.” – Joan, 43:55)
• Emily’s Backstory:
  • Divulges her journalism degree and a brief marriage (possibly to Carl Bernstein!), linking her curiosity to her former profession.
    • “She was married for seven years... Carl Bernstein? I can’t confirm or deny.” (Burnt & Emily, 56:47–57:04)

d. Past Escapades: Boundary Issues & Improvised Therapy (62:26–87:03)

• Repeat Behavior: Emily confirms she’s visited (“north of 50, south of 100”) customers at their homes stemming from checkout encounters, often using details from their purchases.
• Blanche’s Story: A poignant (and mischievous) anecdote where Emily inadvertently lives with an elderly customer named Blanche, after being mistaken for a daughter returning from college—culminating in healing a family rift and Blanche’s subsequent (possibly happiness-induced) death:
  • “She says, ‘You’re finally back from college!’ ... I lived with her for a week.” (Emily, 65:13–65:46)
• Philosophical Ramblings: Emily deflects responsibility, turning everything into a matter of curiosity or misunderstood intentions, frustrating Joan:
  • “It was wrong.” (Emily, 42:39)
  • “You have an amazing ability to sort of twist something into…make it almost sound acceptable.” (Joan, 48:09)
• Resolution: The hosts, particularly Joan, push Emily to return the cat food, but Emily repeatedly invites them to join her for moral or emotional support, arguing she’s “braving the wilderness.”
  • “Yes, I’m going to return the cat food.” (Emily, 82:14)

e. Notable Memorable Exchanges & Quotes:

• On justifying theft:
  • “You can be interested in the inner workings of the human body, but you can’t cut somebody open.” (Burnt, 42:02)
• Meta-commentary:
  • “Do you have a medical degree?” (Emily, 66:02)
• Host Frustration:
  • “You deflect a lot, and we’re running out of time.” (Joan, 81:58)
• Foley Room Callback: Ongoing sound effect bits from Doug.

4. Wrapping Up: Reflection and Final Segments (87:03–End)

• Post-Interview Host Debate: Burnt and Joan reflect on their own tendencies for judgment and empathy, with Joan worried Emily’s curiosity masks troubling behavior, while Burnt feels unexpectedly charitable:
  • “I saw in you the ugliness in myself, and it made me more generous, I think, to Emily.” (Burnt, 90:39)
• Banter & Bits:
  • Jokes about Dignity Falls, Von’s merch, and the unique quirks of the town continue (“Year-round Halloween aisle,” 92:55).
  • Doug’s final attempts at mastering the nuclear blast Foley:
    • “At the end, what you did was you had a carrot snapping with an echo on it.” (Joan, 94:12)
• Second Listener Post:
  • A neighborhood post alarmingly lists a string of crimes in all caps—hosts riff on neighborhood paranoia and Law & Order (“He could have seen them on TV and not realize it wasn’t happening in this neighborhood.” – Joan, 95:30)
  • Music Man and “talk-singing” jokes.
• Closing:
  • Credits, advertisement for bonus content, final signature banter.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• [36:50] Emily: “Pretty much the account they gave is accurate, except it wasn’t intended to be a theft… it gets filtered through somebody’s brain as package theft rather than just community.”
• [41:36] Joan: “I just don’t understand how panic leads you to steal something.”
• [42:02] Burnt: “You can be interested in the inner workings of the human body, but you can’t cut somebody open.”
• [65:46] Emily: “I lived with her for a week.”
• [82:14] Emily: “Yes, I’m going to return the cat food.”
• [90:39] Burnt: “I saw in you the ugliness in myself, and it made me more generous, I think, to Emily.”
• [94:12] Joan: “At the end, what you did was you had a carrot snapping with an echo on it.”

Tone & Highlights

• Tone: Entirely playful, improvisational, clever, and sometimes absurd, with philosophical undercurrents about boundaries, intent, and community.
• Memorable Bits:
  • The “Foley Room” (sound effects with food and household objects)
  • Von’s staff name tags with personality adjectives
  • Cat food as both evidence and symbol
  • The ambiguous (and possibly apocryphal) marriage to Carl Bernstein
  • Emily’s repeated efforts to soften, deflect, and existentially reframe her actions
  • Meta-commentary on host and town dynamics
  • Ongoing sound effect gags

For listeners new and old, this episode is a showcase of The Neighborhood Listen’s signature blend of improvised character, sly critique of small-town quirks, and keen observations of human nature—delivering both laughs and something to think about the next time you see a neighbor at your doorstep.