Burger Seen, Burger Achieved with D.J. Mausner

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Neighborhood Listen – "Burger Seen, Burger Achieved" with D.J. Mausner

Podcast: The Neighborhood Listen
Episode: Burger Seen, Burger Achieved with D.J. Mausner
Release Date: October 28, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of “The Neighborhood Listen” dives into the unique quirks of Dignity Falls, particularly through the lens of a neighborhood app post complaining about disappointing hamburgers compared to their TV ads. Hosts Burnt Millipede (Paul F. Tompkins), Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker), and Doug (Brett Morris) improvise their way through discussions about local businesses, marital mysteries, and, of course, burgers—before speaking with an eccentric and incriminating local resident, Paul (D.J. Mausner), whose burger obsession reveals some criminal undertones. The episode blends absurd, whimsical humor with unexpected dark turns, all filtered through the hosts’ playful lens.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter and Local Talk (00:53–14:00)

• The hosts riff on musical theater trivia, including the purportedly shortest musical (Into the Woods chat, 02:00–03:45), and poke fun at podcast intro conventions and each other’s professions.
  • Notable Quote (Paul as Burnt): “What I like in a musical is when you get to intermission, what happens right before intermission is supposedly a cliffhanger.” (03:40)
• Extended digression about the inefficiency of pharmacy “tub systems” (05:00–07:00), comparing memorizing prescription locations to a London cabbie's geographic knowledge.
• Tangents include the peculiar rideshare and self-driving car setups in Dignity Falls (“Maywo’s”, a passengerless car you must retrieve and drive yourself – 09:28), and playful stories about household routines and the way Doug receives “the benefit of the doubt.”

2. Marital Mystery: Gabby Goes Missing – Burnt’s Story (21:54–31:31)

• Joan pressures Burnt for updates on Burnt’s relationship with Gabby:
  • Gabby has locked herself away and left Burnt a cryptic note after a sensitive topic (their almost marriage) was brought up.
  • The note reads (23:27): “If I’m correct, it’s taken you three weeks to come in here.”
  • She later instructs, “You’re supposed to come find me.” (29:21)
  • Hosts riff on hotel “mints on the pillow” and relationship communication, drawing out the comic tension and Burnt’s confusion.
  • Notable Quote (Joan): "This is…concern for someone you love, because I love you, and I’ve just not heard of this before.” (30:53)

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3. Neighborhood App Post: The Great Burger Disappointment (38:02–40:25)

Webb Cummings submits a real neighborhood app post:

• “I wish I could get in person the hamburgers that they serve on TV; they're really huge on TV, but when I go, they're flatter than a sewer cover…”
• Followed by a stern addendum: “I have a right to express myself just like you do.”

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4. Meet Paul: Burger Enthusiast, Criminal Cow-Slayer, Just-Sayin’ Philosopher (40:25–78:53)

4.1. Paul’s Complaint and Burger Obsession

• Burger Disappointment: Paul laments the gap between “TV burgers” (especially Dignity Falls’ Burger Barn) and reality—billboards advertise towering burgers, but real ones disappoint.
  • Notable Quote (Paul): “When I say I’m seeing burgers on TV, I mean a vertical billboard.” (41:46)
• References “Burger Scene, Burger Achieved” as a personal motto (45:11).

4.2. Burger Barn & Subs and Stuff

• The show riffs on local businesses:
  • Burger Barn’s Big Porky Boy Burger: Three cheese-filled patties, delivered stacked and sometimes tied with twine.
  • Subs and Stuff: A massive, department-store-sized shop where the sandwich counter is tiny. They recount a lawsuit with a movie named "The Substance" and celebrity ad campaigns with Demi Moore.

4.3. Paul’s Personal Life

• Amateur Radio DJ: Paul hosts a “Just Sayin’” segment on 102.1 Dignity Falls.
• Girlfriend Lucille: Met at Burger Barn, wants to sleep in burger/pizza-shaped beds, and wears mustard as “essential oil.”
  • Notable Quote: “She smelled like a burger. She been eating them burgers. And that’s what I like.” (55:18)

4.4. Revelations and Criminal Confessions

• Paul admits to “slaying” ~8,500 cows, not his own, in pursuit of building a burger as tall as the Burger Barn billboard (67:26). He keeps the meat in home-refrigerated rooms insulated with cow hides.

  • Notable Exchange:
    • Joan: “What you’re doing is criminal. I mean, this is…”
    • Burnt: “I think that it is. I think it’s illegal.” (68:46)

• The meat tower is occasionally wheeled across town to check against the billboard, explaining the local cow shortage and leading to apocalyptic news headlines in Dignity Falls.

  • Paul’s defense: “I have the right to express myself.”

4.5. Absurd Community Interactions

• Paul chased by a “one-person mob” brandishing both pitchfork and torch (72:00).
• Hosts debate the logistics of local burgers, and why they’re now as flat as “sewer covers” due to the missing cows.

4.6. Paul’s 'Just Sayin’s (75:04–78:19)

• Paul delivers his “just sayin’” philosophical musings:

  • “Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway?”
  • “How come everybody keeps to their self these days? We should be having more community.”
  • “I bet the Pringles man and the Monopoly man are related—they both have a monocle. Just saying.”
  • “How come everybody wants to have blonde hair? Don’t they say blondes are stupid? Just sayin’.”

• Running gag with "how flat are they" (the burgers) leading to classic Johnny Carson impressions (74:09, 77:56).

4.7. Exit & Aftermath

• Joan and Burnt give Paul a 20-minute head start before they call the authorities (78:26).
• Paul departs dramatically (reverse Kool-Aid Man).

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5. Closing Segment: Odd Local Posts & Musical Trivia (79:05–90:46)

• Funny local post: A mother tries to evict her adult daughter from a Barbie Dream House (79:05).
• Hosts process shock and amusement from Paul’s interview, then return to the shortest musical debate, ultimately settling on Come From Away and Six as contenders, with the original Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (25 minutes) getting a late mention. (81:03, 88:26)
• Final, meandering neighborhood post brainstorming: A new neighbor’s favorite place, “off the boat on Cashew and Jefferson,” is dissected and theorized about.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Burgers:
  • Paul: “Burger scene, burger achieved is sort of the motto by which I live my life.” (45:11)
  • Joan: “What you’re doing is criminal. I mean, this is…” (68:46)
  • Burnt: “You slay all these cows and then you make your own burgers, but you still go to Burger Barn, it sounds like.” (69:09)
• On Relationship Communication:
  • Burnt: “She wasn’t missing—she just was not…she went into her bedroom, was not responding to me. And recently I had the courage to try the doorknob to her bedroom finally. And it was unlocked.” (23:05)
• On Community:
  • Paul: “How come everybody keeps to their self these days? We should be more talking to each other…even if there’s a certain amount of cows that feel like might be too many.” (75:16)
• How Flat Are The Burgers?
  • Classic Johnny Carson routine:
    • Burnt: “The burgers in Dignity Falls are so flat…”
    • Paul: “How flat are they?”
    • Burnt: “They’re so flat, they’re competing on the US gymnastics team.” (77:58)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening musical/marital banter: 00:53–14:00
• Burnt’s marital mystery with Gabby: 21:54–31:31
• Burger disappointment post introduced: 38:02–40:25
• Interview with Paul (D.J. Mausner): 40:25–78:53
• Paul’s criminal cow confession: starts around 67:20
• "Just Sayin’" segment: 75:04–78:19
• Barbie Dream House post (light finish): 79:05
• Shortest musical theater trivia wrap-up: 81:03–88:44

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Tone & Style

The tone stays affably absurd and improvisational, punctuated by comic riffs, light banter, and leftfield deep-dives. Despite the occasional dark turn (Paul’s cattle massacres), warmth and whimsicality dominate, while classic sketch/character improv allows each segment to spiral joyously out of control.

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Summary for Listeners:
Come for forensic-level burger analysis and a man’s wild quest to achieve vertical-meat greatness; stay for small-town weirdness, marital mysteries, and a reminder to check your neighborhood app—and your meat sources—more closely.

Transcript

[A]

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[B]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[A]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[B]

Occasionally, we change the names of some.

[A]

Streets, and that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[B]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood Listen.

[A]

Knock, knock.

[B]

Who's there?

[A]

Your neighbor.

[B]

Good. In Dignity Fall, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half AV and us, Vern and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.

[A]

We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.

[B]

We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

[A]

Welcome once more to the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of. Of some of its residents. I am one such resident. My name is Burnt Mia Payday. I am the pharmacist in chief at the Dignity Falls Missy, and here with me, as always, is. Oh.

[B]

Is Joan Pedestrian. I am the top realtor here at Dignity Falls, and I am a local actress.

[A]

That's correct. Clean, smooth. We got all the information.

[B]

Wasn't sure what you were describing, and then it was just right.

[A]

Okay, Jon, are you trying to get me canceled? Please don't cancel me. We are the. The hosts of this show, and we do this every week. We talk to people in our neighborhood, and we couldn't be more. More thrilled to be doing it again.

[B]

Start cleaning. Spoof. We don't. We can't go off the. We. We can't go off the beaten path. You know, whatever. We.

[A]

No.

[B]

When we stick to what the facts are of the intro, and then I think we got to get out. We got to get out. We. Talking about ourselves.

[A]

It's in. In any.

[B]

Because our listeners love when we talk about.

[A]

They love. I don't know why they really.

[B]

They're like, give us more.

[A]

Yes. Don't stray from the path. It's. It's. It's not just for folk horror tales.

[B]

No, it's not. What is it? Do you know the musical into the Woods?

[A]

I've heard of it.

[B]

It's a great. It's a great.

[C]

It's a great.

[A]

It's one of the greats.

[B]

It is a great.

[A]

It's a great, actually.

[B]

That works.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's a great. It's one of the greats. It takes all of the wonderful Terrifying, violent, grim fairy tales and puts them all together in one musical.

[A]

And it's directed by Zack Snyder.

[B]

The idea of Zack Snyder directing a Sondheim is extremely comical to me. And now I wonder what that would look like.

[A]

It's in black and white.

[B]

And you know what? Finally, he'd be finding a medium where everyone's normal. You know, like, they're like, yes, three hours. Perfect. Great. A real musical. No one would bat an eye.

[A]

What's the shortest musical on record?

[B]

Oh, my goodness. That's a good question. I would say it's probably. Is there a one act? I don't know that there's a one act.

[A]

One act musical. Wow.

[B]

There. Here's the thing. Into the woods. First act was so long that. That when they did the out of town tryouts, everybody at intermission got up and left and went to the parking lot. And people ran after them and they were like, there's still more. Now I've dramatized that story. Obviously, I don't know if they were really running after them. I don't know if there was a parking lot. A Ryan Murphy version you're doing this is definitely. Alfred Hitchcock was there for some reason, but the wigs were on point.

[A]

I like. What I like in a musical is when you get to intermission that what happens right before intermission is supposedly a cliffhanger. It is.

[B]

It's supposed to be cliffhanger or. Or a big number, you know, Or a big number. A big, huge number. But yeah, you have to. It's.

[A]

It.

[B]

It's. You know, you almost need someone to come in, a narrator. Like, what will happen next? You know, go stand in the bathroom line. If you're a lady, you won't make it there.

[A]

Is this the end Too long? Is this the end of the Notebook.

[B]

Lady, I really am going to have to do some digging burn. Because I feel on the spot and ashamed of myself that I can't come up with the shortest musical. Well, because I like to consider myself a little bit of a connoisseur on the media.

[A]

Well, that's why I asked you.

[B]

Well, I know. And I got. Like I said, I am failing you in this moment, real time. I'm failing.

[A]

Think I didn't want to be the one to say it.

[B]

Well, then. Then. But now you just were in a way, I suppose. I suppose you corroborate it hurts a little bit.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I can't. I'm trying to think of what the equivalent of a pharmacist question is for you like that.

[A]

I mean, you can ask. You can ask me gotchas about the pharmacy, and I'll do my best.

[B]

I mean, that seems like a pretty. There's. It seems like there's could be. There's could be many.

[A]

There's could be many.

[B]

There's could be many out there. Many gotchas in the pharmacy.

[A]

There's many gotchas in the pharmacy world. That is true.

[B]

What is. What are you doing back there? Honestly, that's what I want to know. Because whether or not I'm in the drive through or I'm at. Now, here's the thing. I will be honest. This is probably more for a CVS question, but it still happens sometime at the falsemacy. The falsemancy is much more efficient. I do have to say yes, where you work now, but half the time, you know, it's like, here's what I see from my perspective. A lot of the time when I go to the pharmacy, I give my name, I give my birth date, you know, and then they come back and, like, birth date again. Okay. And then they're like, name again. Pedestrian, Right? How many pedestrians are there in this town? Right? And they. And you know, it's got those little plastic tubs, you know, where they've got them all in. That's their fancy filing system. And they just pull them out, and they push it back in. Pull them out, push back in. And then they're looking at, like, some other box of random pharmacy products that came in another tub. There's tubs everywhere, and they're looking at them. They just. How hard is it to find my prescription? Is what I want to know. Burn. Am I yelling? I'm sorry. I'm.

[A]

I understand your frustration, and I appreciate that question, Joan.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And first, may I say it's wonderful to be here. I apologize. I wanted to debate vote for some reason, but, you know, that was when I worked at cvs. That was a problem because they were still using the tub system.

[B]

Oh, I hate the tub system.

[A]

The tub system. It's one of those things where it's like, well, that's what I came up with. So that's what we use.

[B]

It's like 20. It's like. Like 200 junk drawers back there.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

They're all full of important medication that people need.

[A]

Yes. Extremely dull.

[B]

Just scotch tape and a poker chip.

[A]

There is extremely dull scissors. There's twist ties.

[B]

One playing card.

[A]

That's right. Bottle caps.

[B]

Bottle caps and loose pill. Let's be honest.

[A]

There's. There's at least one Loose pill in every tub. And, you know, it was frustrating as a pharmacist as well, because you would forget the details that someone just told you because you're trying to remember the arcane system.

[B]

Can you explain that to me? The arcane system.

[A]

The tubs are. They're not labeled.

[B]

Yeah, that seems evident.

[A]

You have to. It's like being a taxi driver in London where you have to memorize the location.

[B]

Is that right? That feels specific. I don't know this. Explain this to me, Burnt. First of all, I do want to give a shout out to London cabs. Oh, are they the most magical?

[A]

You know what? We should have done this a long time ago.

[B]

Shout out to London cabs.

[A]

Yes. Those tall black cabs. They're. They're wonderful.

[B]

They're fabulous. I just think they're fun.

[A]

I hope to ride in one someday.

[B]

Oh, you've never been?

[A]

Never been.

[B]

How do you know so much about London cabs?

[A]

Well, because I watch movies.

[C]

Oh, of course.

[B]

Sure. And you learned about the system from a movie?

[A]

Yes. Okay. It's more of it.

[B]

Which movie was that?

[A]

I think it was Introduction to London.

[B]

Oh, Emily Blunt is great in that.

[A]

But they have to memorize the entire city. Pretty much.

[D]

They do.

[A]

They have to know it off the top of their head.

[B]

Why? They can't use their map. They can't use their iPhones. They can't use a system, Google Maps, anything.

[A]

I think they can, but I think they still have to have the basic knowledge. I think they. I say that. I'm not sure, but I think that they have to know. You can't get into a cab and say into one of those London black cabs and say, take me to Skrillington Place or what, Whatever. And they say, never heard of it. You know, where is that? They have to know where it is.

[B]

Oh, that is the opposite of here, for sure. And because we don't have. We don't have the way mo's yet here in town. And. And we have. We don't, like, have Uber or Lyft. We just have. We have. Well, it's like a hybrid. They're. They're trying different kinds, but it's. It's called where to. But here's the thing. You absolutely have to give them directions. Like, and they're. They're. They're very rude when you're g. Them directions. They're like, turn now. Did you mean now or later? It's basically like every couple trying to, you know, it reminds me of, you know, every couple trying to drive on the freeway, you know, it's like this is. This is the exit. This is the exit, you know, and. And then you're. I'm always fighting with those drivers.

[A]

That was our exit.

[B]

Frustrating. That was it. And, and, and he, and he'll be like, well, you were talking, you know, and you get mad at me for not listening to you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's. So they. No one knows where anything is here in town. And you know, if you get with a, with a where to driver, here's.

[A]

What'S making things worse is the Maywo's, which is that is a passenger less car. So what happens is someone orders one, then if it's coming close to where you are, you have to drive to where the next person needs one. You get in behind the wheel.

[B]

I still don't understand. You call, you call it the car. I don't call it that.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. You call the car to come over to you and you have to get in and drive. Is that what it is?

[A]

Yes. You call the car to come and then whatever car is closest to you that's, you know, driven by a passenger who is going as close to where you are as possible.

[B]

I see. So it's car sharing, but only for one person.

[A]

One person at a time. Yes.

[B]

There are no passengers.

[A]

There are no passengers.

[B]

That is. Sometimes I think this town is dumb. I will be honest. I love it. They're just working up, but that's pretty dumb.

[A]

What I don't like is when you get out of the Maywo, you hear this disembodied voice from the back of the car, say, thank you would be nice. I don't know what that gets anyone. I don't see how it's helping either.

[B]

Yeah, they have passive aggressive comments constantly in the background.

[A]

When you miss a turn, you just hear this voice go, oh.

[B]

Doug, because.

[A]

You'Re not in a hurry, huh?

[B]

Doug and I don't drive much together anymore anyways, because that's the way that it works. It's like I can't. I can't tell him any story because if I start to tell him a story, then he just miss. He forgets where. Where he's going and sometimes he'll pull. We've now learned that if I tell the story, he pulls over to the side of the road, even if we're on the highway, because he's like, I just. And he turns. He unlocks his seatbelt and. And he turns and faces me eye to eye. And I finish the story.

[E]

Hazard Lights.

[B]

Yes. Sorry, babe, we haven't introduced you yet. That's my husband in another room.

[C]

Record.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

This is Doug, our engineer.

[B]

Hi, babe.

[E]

That's right. Hi.

[A]

Hey. Hi. Hey.

[E]

I never come in. Quite right.

[A]

It's interesting.

[E]

You've had it perfected.

[A]

You've been trying out different catchphrases. I remember one time you said henlo. Maybe I'll go back to that Internet dog sport.

[B]

I like that one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think Doug here happened one time. I think you said that, baby. You know what? I'm going to give you, you know, benefit of the doubt here. A lot of times I think it's hard because you're. Okay, let me let you have Benefit of the Doubt.

[E]

Oh, no, no, no.

[A]

Are you getting ready to receive the benefit of the doubt?

[B]

Always. Doug sits down to receive the benefit.

[A]

Sure. It is kind of.

[B]

It's a little bit of a ceremony in our house.

[A]

If somebody says that to you, I do think it should be a bigger moment. Oh, will you. And you sit down and cross your arms.

[B]

It's my version of unlo. Seat belt. Putting the hazard and stopping the car. And it happens in that order, too, which is weird. I keep telling Doug, I'm like, why don't you stop the car first? But no, he unlocks the seat belt.

[A]

Folds his arms, stops the car and.

[B]

Turns on the aer.

[C]

Lights.

[B]

You. You have the.

[E]

And then I say, tell me more. It really works. You should try it with Gabby.

[B]

You should. Oh, he wouldn't believe how it works when a man just looks at you and says, tell me more of that story you were telling me. Oh, boy. It's our voice can be foreplay. Anyways, so here's the benefit of your doubt that you. That you don't get to. You know what I mean? That you don't get to talk. I didn't mean to.

[A]

You know what she means.

[B]

You don't get to talk right away. Right. We get to sort of just immediately. You. You immediately start talking. You say your name, you give. You throw it to me, and then we talk for a little bit. And so. You know what I mean? It's like if you're waiting on a zoom meeting. You ever had a zoom meeting that you're waiting on and you're like, you know, muted and whatnot. But now you're waiting 10min. 20min. It's like, now I. What should I do? Should I do something else?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right. We don't know what Doug has gotten into in the last 15 minutes. You know, he Might have been ready, he might not be now, or he might be in a different headspace. So I. That. I just wanted to give you some grace, babe, on that. Maybe that's why you have a hard time coming.

[E]

I feel the benefit of my doubt.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Oh, that's nice.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you know that some podcasts, I found this out recently, they make the guest sit through the first segment where they just talk about whatever instead of what we do, which is we record this separately and then we invite the guests in. But imagine that poor person just sitting there, having to listen to these people blather off.

[B]

I can't imagine anything worse right now. In the moment.

[A]

It's a living.

[B]

I. I can't. I mean, other than not being able to come up with the world shortest musical. I mean, that's the only thing that's worse than that, but.

[A]

Okay, so you still don't have it?

[B]

I still don't have it. I don't have it.

[A]

I thought you were stalling this whole time.

[B]

No, I wish I was.

[A]

What if next episode we let Doug kick off the show?

[B]

I think that's a great idea. I have this weird feeling that we did that once before, but I could be wrong.

[A]

I don't remember that. Doug, do you remember that happening ever?

[E]

No, I don't.

[B]

Okay, well, then that was with a bullet. Yes, for sure. He's been waiting for us to ask him that. Where are you today, babe? Where are you recording from?

[E]

I'm in the back scratch hut.

[B]

Oh, yes. Oh, gosh. I can't believe it took him this long to do this. Right, because there was only one short chapter in our home where we had. Where we had multiple cats, right? We had our cat Banana, right? That famously went missing.

[A]

And then Bananas. You adopted.

[B]

Yes, we did.

[A]

Now, if you've gotten a third cat, what would the name have been?

[B]

Well, you know, it's like that fun song for kids. It would have probably been like Bonono, right? You know, I like to ate eight apples and bananas. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Bert looks absolutely like to never heard.

[E]

Oat, opals and Bo.

[A]

I don't like this. Eat, eat.

[B]

E and Banis Bananas.

[A]

It's so fun. Never heard of this.

[E]

It's a blast.

[A]

I guess get to you.

[B]

It's a blast. It's a real sometimes.

[E]

Why.

[B]

There is a really. He's not the only person. I don't know that he wrote this song, but. But you do you remember. Have you heard this song? What's it called? It's about the. It's about the blue.

[A]

No.

[B]

Baby Belug. Have you heard that song?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Baby Beluga.

[B]

You don't spend much time around children. This is. There was a child singer named Rafi, and he. I've heard of Rafi. Okay, great. So one of the famous songs he sang, I don't know if other people sang it, but I feel like it was made famous by him. He would sing that. He sang. He wrote Baby Beluga, but he would also sing Aprils and Bananas, Opals and Bononos. That thing.

[A]

Okay, so.

[B]

So that's where that comes from. My children loved it. My boys loved it.

[A]

It.

[B]

And they. They did it constantly. They did it with every word. They did it with every vowel. So if we had every word right, well, they created their own language. You know, it was like, oh, well.

[A]

That'S what twins do, right?

[C]

Mom, we are hungry.

[B]

Whoa. Or hungry. I can't even do it anymore. But he, by the way, Burns lips went along with me trying to do that exercise, but I was doing it wrong. And it made me realize I was. I was doing it wrong. So did I. Did I say I was doing it wrong? Twice, I think.

[A]

Yeah, you did.

[B]

Yeah. So I had too much coffee today. Just so you know. Just so everybody knows.

[E]

That's what they say. The boy said that.

[A]

Et Here, dig.

[B]

That's what I would always say. Give me that one again, babe. I don't remember.

[A]

Dig, Dig.

[E]

Aim, mead, eat ye.

[A]

And what does that mean?

[E]

Doug, I'm mad at you.

[B]

They would always call Doug Doug instead of dad. Of course. I'm talking about my boys, my twin boys. Matt and Virginia Slim. Virginia Slim. It's so hard to say. Why did I do that?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

We call him Slim. A lot of the times. It was mostly Matt and Slim or Matt and Verge.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And when they saw Tombstone, they just loved that Sam Elliott's character was named Verge.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

That big mustache.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is not a movie podcast.

[E]

That big mustache. And that one Sam Elliott role.

[A]

Well, here's.

[B]

Now I'm being so moly it.

[A]

So moly it.

[E]

I like to watch.

[B]

I like to watch Time Stein.

[A]

Do you ever see that movie where the people are starting to become a Somalian? It's called so Sam Elliott does adjust his mustache by a half an inch, depending on whether.

[E]

Is that right?

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

It's happening in the Old west or in modern times.

[B]

Do you know that? Because Gabby knows so about show business. Did she tell you that?

[A]

Let's not talk about now.

[B]

What this babe Sorry. I know we didn't spend much time. We don't even know what room you're in.

[A]

Right. You're in the back scratch.

[B]

Oh, sorry. You're in the back scratch room. That's right.

[A]

Yeah. Let's talk about that.

[B]

No, no, that's. Is that. Is that soole at St. Sar.

[E]

I've always wanted a sasparilla.

[B]

I mean, it's just a root beer, really.

[E]

Oh, it is.

[A]

Yeah, I believe so. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So I'm sure you've had. You've had one.

[E]

They can't be the same.

[B]

The weight is over.

[E]

I have.

[A]

You know what?

[E]

Delicious.

[A]

I would bet it's a probably not as good root beer. Well, given to how much attention they paid to drinks that were not alcoholic back in those days.

[B]

Yes. So when we had those. Anyways. When we had the cats. Of course, we all know that, like, cats love to, like, scratch, you know, just, like, scratch on things like that. But then again, so did the boys. So did I like to have the bottom of my feet scratched. It's just a thing. We don't need to talk anymore about it.

[A]

Okay. I need to hear about.

[B]

But So I. So, you know, we all benefit from it. We all go in there. Yeah. Doug loves a back scratch. And I just get tired, you know, like he. He wants me to.

[A]

He.

[B]

It scratched hard. Like, I mean, claws down here.

[A]

Like the howling.

[E]

I have her sharpen her nails first.

[A]

Sharpen her nails.

[B]

But he had been trying everything, you know, like, I bought every back scratcher in the world. Right. You know, and none of them were good enough. And so finally he created this back scratch room. And it really is great. You know, there's one where you can go in and, like, control it. There's one where it actually, you know, it's just.

[A]

There's only one where you can control.

[B]

I'm saying there's several.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

There. And, you know, we put some cat towers in there just for fun, but human size.

[E]

There's also a.

[B]

Why not?

[E]

You walk in, and there's a rack of different types of bass scratchers you can take. There's also a little Japanese dry garden you can use the bass scratcher on.

[B]

It's not.

[E]

You mean it doubles as a race?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Zen garden.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And, you know, so dual purpose. And we're. We're coming up with new ideas every day.

[B]

He just learned phrase. He loves saying it. Dual purpose says it a lot lately.

[A]

Can I say this to back scratch manufacturers?

[B]

Yes.

[E]

Oh.

[A]

If your back scratcher doesn't resemble A little hand. I don't know what you're doing.

[B]

Well, yeah, exactly. You're wasting all of our time. Yeah, yeah, I agree with you.

[A]

Don't make it look like a tool. Make it look like a little hand. That's the way to go.

[B]

Well, I got the one that was almost perfect, and I was so excited about it. It was a Wolverine one.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

When you push it like they came. Yeah, they literally came out. What is that, adamantium?

[A]

Yes, Adamantium.

[B]

I can't believe that. I don't know much at all about comic anything.

[A]

Comic anything.

[B]

Can you shorten it like that? Can you shorten a comic book like that? No, it probably gets confusing, doesn't it? Because it means a lot of different.

[A]

Things if you just say comic anything.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Okay, yeah. Could be a font you're referring to.

[B]

Okay, so now we did what we could, but I can't stop asking you about Gabby. Okay. Like, I let you wait for a minute, but. But I. I feel. I don't know, babe. Am I right? Every time. Like, we just started this season. We just started Season Klein, Season 9. Season Klein and feeling fine. He always has to add it in. And we can all. We all decided we could have. It's whatever Klein means to you. For me. It's Kevin.

[A]

For whatever Klein means to you, it could be Patsy.

[E]

From our client to yours.

[A]

From our client to yours.

[E]

That's what we should say.

[A]

Why you're saying the word Klein could mean, like, smurf. It could mean. Yeah, it could mean anything. I don't think that's what we were just saying. No, I think Joan was saying, whatever.

[E]

Dual purpose, whatever climb.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got it in there all week with this.

[B]

No, remember we talked about the different people with last name Klein that we. That we like, and I had said, oh, Kevin Klein. And.

[E]

But I said feeling fine.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That was your pitch. Was feeling season nine feeling fine.

[A]

Right?

[E]

I said that's when you said you can add whatever you want to the climb.

[B]

I didn't. I didn't realize that was going to happen all the time. So I probably. I would. I would have rethought that if I could go back in time, you could turn back time, but we can't. We're in the present. And I want to know what's going on with you and Gabby in the present, because I feel like even just in this short time of seeing the client. Feeling fine, babe. But don't you understand? Don't you hear it? Like, every time I ask him, it's gotten worse. And last time, he was, like, saying, I'm not exhausted, but I am exhausted. You know, what's going on? You. She was missing.

[A]

She wasn't missing. She just was not. She went into her bedroom. She was not responding to me. And recently, I had the courage to try the doorknob to her bedroom finally. And it was unlocked. And I went in, and she wasn't there.

[B]

What?

[A]

And there was a note. Oh. On her pillow.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That said, if I'm correct, it's taking you three weeks to come in here. So she was pretty close. And no, Doug, there was no mint.

[E]

That's. That's how you know.

[B]

Why would there be a mint? What do you mean? Why would there be a mint?

[E]

That's a nice.

[A]

Just like in a hotel.

[B]

Burnt. I definitely understand. What I mean is, I don't know why that's a thing that happens in hotels when people turn down your sheets. Right. Or when you check into a room. That's not sort of a. At least in my world, not a trope of like, oh, a woman's upset with her husband or partner and goes in the room for a long time, and no matter what, even if that person leaves or comes out, there's a mint on the pillow for sure. That old thing. That's not a thing. That's not a thing.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Okay. Well, it seemed like you made. It made perfect sense to you.

[A]

I mean, it made sense in the. In the sense of. That's the kind of thing that Doug says.

[E]

If I was leaving. If I was leaving the family and I left you a note on the pillow, I think I'd still leave a mint. Because it's a.

[A]

Why.

[E]

It's the nice. It's a human.

[B]

We're all.

[E]

In your opinion, and we all want a mint. And you're gonna take the note. The note pretty hard. Why not? You know?

[A]

Well, I think you've thought about this a little bit. I think that she did not leave them in. Probably because it's not a thing that people do, but also because she was upset with me.

[B]

Well, this is where he's gonna say just quickly. And I do want to get into that. I just want to say this is. Again, this is. This is coming back to the DP of it all, is that he. He knows you're sad, but also you probably have bad breath. So it's another dual purpose moment. I know it is. We don't even have to talk about it any further. That's why he's thinking about leaving the mint.

[A]

He's thinking if someone is leave them.

[B]

In for a dual purpose, that you.

[A]

Probably have bad breath because you're sad.

[B]

Again, I'm talking about for Doug. To Doug's brain.

[A]

Right?

[B]

What? Babe?

[A]

Doug, Care to comment?

[E]

That is not the dual purpose I had in mind.

[B]

What was it?

[E]

Your breath is your business.

[A]

Doug always said that I'm already. That's why I questioned it. Joan, I've already always said your breath is your business.

[E]

I'm already out of the family. I don't care what your breath smells like. Doug is for you.

[A]

If you ever bring up that somebody has bad breath, Doug says that's their business.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

I will not tolerate gossip in this house.

[B]

He actually. Actually. He actually stopped the car, pulled over to say that one time to me because I was complaining about someone in my story who had bad breath, and he almost just. He threw the parking brake on. It was awful. That's what he did.

[A]

How often do you become afraid that you have bad breath and no one's told you?

[B]

Oh, all the time.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Isn't it. Is it the number one fear that you're going around because when you encounter someone who has bad breath, you're like, I guess no one has ever told this person.

[B]

You know where it happens a lot is doing shows with people because you're up in people's faces all the time.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

And it's really incredible sometimes when people just don't seem to have that fear at all, you know? And, like, there was a person I did a show with, and you could just. It was like, oh, you. I know what you ate. You clearly didn't do anything after you ate that you decided it was okay to come here on stage and speak into my face with that breath.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And maybe that's why I think it is my business. I think if you are in the business of working up close with people and pretending as if, like, you're in love with them, God forbid you have to kiss someone who smells like garlic.

[A]

Oh, you know the worst?

[B]

Like garlic, ham.

[A]

Here's the garlic. The worst is you're doing. If you're doing a show where you. You have to be two people who hate each other but secretly love each other. And then, of course, there's a scene where you get right up in each other's faces. You're screaming, Then there's a beat, and then you start kissing.

[B]

Wait. Burnt. What are you talking about? Has this happened to you?

[A]

No, I'm saying this is a thing.

[B]

You said it with. You said it as if you said it as if it happened.

[A]

This happened to me.

[B]

This is.

[A]

Feel familiar.

[B]

This is all a deflection to not talk about Gabby. She left. She left it.

[A]

She.

[B]

Did you leave you a note? She said. She said. Exactly.

[A]

Did she leave me a note? And she. And she said, yes. I face you estimated the time it would take me to actually work up the courage to open the door, and then she, in all caps, wrote anyway.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Bizarre.

[A]

Yeah, she was.

[B]

Was. What happened after the.

[A]

Anyway, she said, I can't believe you brought that up, because, of course, a few weeks ago, I said, you know, we were at dinner, having dinner at home, and I said, remember that time we almost got married?

[B]

And this is all in the notes still.

[A]

No, this is me refreshing your memory.

[B]

Oh. Oh, oh, sorry. I got lost. I was like, this is such a weird note.

[E]

Pull over, babe.

[A]

She.

[B]

I'm mentally pulling over. I'm locking in.

[A]

Get those hazards.

[B]

Tell me more. She.

[A]

You know, so I brought. I don't. I thought this would be kind of a cute, funny thing to bring up. So remember that time we almost got married, and now this is the runaway.

[B]

Groom moment when you got cold feet?

[A]

Yes, I got cold feet. And honestly, it was a foolish thing to say because it was a miracle I was able to win her back after that, win her trust again. And I think what we kind of tacitly agreed is we would never discuss that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so the fact that I brought it up really upset her. Okay. And she said, I can't believe you brought that up. Up. I thought we had a tacit agreement that we would never discuss it again.

[B]

Oh, she referenced the tacit agreement.

[A]

She did. She did not.

[C]

Good.

[A]

She said, now you're going to have to try twice as hard. Oh.

[E]

Oh.

[A]

I am somewhere in this city.

[B]

Okay. So now we're back to the note. Now we're back to the note.

[A]

Now we're back to the. Not now we're back to.

[B]

We've been back to the note. I was.

[A]

When I shifted to the second person. I thought you would know that. We're back in the note.

[B]

I'm doing my best. Yes. All right. So she.

[A]

My best. Honey.

[C]

We all know that.

[B]

Great video. Look it up, little girl.

[A]

The big glasses.

[B]

So, wait, so she said she's somewhere in this city?

[A]

She's somewhere in Dignity Falls. I have no idea where she is.

[B]

And you're supposed to come find her.

[A]

I was supposed to come find.

[B]

What were the last words of the. Of the note?

[A]

She says, you're supposed to come Find me.

[B]

That's it? No love? No. Like, no. Oh, boy.

[A]

Not even warm regards. Oh.

[E]

Were there any sort of picture? Pictures or diagrams or.

[A]

There was. There was a mysterious epigraph.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Runes.

[B]

All right, Good catch, Doug.

[E]

That's exciting.

[B]

Well, I mean, maybe not in this context. Is this concerning? Have you started looking for her yet?

[A]

Yeah, I have.

[E]

Where?

[B]

Like, what are the places you guess you go?

[A]

I just. Any. I walk down the street, I look everywhere.

[B]

Bird, this is terrible. Why wouldn't you tell me this, even just before the podcast?

[A]

This is a big deal.

[B]

Missing. She's, like, hit herself.

[A]

Yeah, she hit herself. She's not missing.

[B]

But this is serious. Like, who does this? I'm not. Is she. Well, that's not a. That's sort of a concerning thing to do in general.

[A]

I think that's a bit rude.

[B]

It's not. Oh, my God.

[A]

Is she.

[B]

Well, it's not rude. It's okay for me to.

[A]

If.

[B]

If now it's different because, of course, you know, Doug might be just playing some game or whatever, but it. You know, people in my family love to hide. Right, but there's a precedent for that.

[A]

All of that, I thought was just the twins. Yeah.

[B]

No, but Doug gets in on it sometimes. But it'll be like a fun. It'll be like a fun thing. You know what I mean? Like, he'll.

[E]

It'll be like two weeks sometimes. But we. Is there. There's a tacit understanding that it's not.

[B]

Oh, we. We do tacit understandings. We don't do tacit agreements.

[A]

Somebody recently heard the word tacit.

[B]

Jewel. Tacit.

[E]

Oh, those are the toughest.

[B]

Oh, boy. Anyways, I'm sorry that you. That you think it's rude. I meant it as I'm concerned for someone who you love because I love you, and I've just not heard of this before in terms of, like, someone actually says, you have to come find me or I'm hiding somewhere in this town.

[A]

I mean, our relationship is not the same as your relationship, and everybody does their own thing. You know what I mean? So it's like you run your marriage the way you see fit, and Gabby and I have our relationship. Were you turning into Ellen DeGeneres?

[E]

Oh, no, that's what she.

[B]

I'm just doing a quick dance around the table. Don't. Don't. Don't mind me. Hey, babe. We should probably find out how long we've been recording. Now, just step away from the back scratcher. Which one are you on? Which one were you on?

[E]

I'M on the Edward Scissorhands model.

[A]

I heard a story about the Ella DeGeneres show that. Oh, boy.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

You know, because the audience would have to get up and dance, too.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

They go to breaks and say, hey, stupid dancing.

[B]

He doesn't know how much we've been talking, but he does know he hates that.

[A]

There was a writer on the show who invited a friend to the recording. And this person, the friend, did not dance during the credits and during the breaks. And Ellen was very upset by this.

[B]

I feel like you've brought this up before, maybe. How? No. Okay, well, then I've heard this. I have heard.

[A]

You may have heard it from someone else.

[B]

That's right. I definitely.

[A]

This story's going around.

[B]

It's going around right now. It's very.

[A]

It's going around right now.

[B]

And hashtag, Ellen dancing is trending.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I did not know that. But here's another fun one. Do you want to hear this one?

[C]

Sure.

[B]

There's an interview I watched once when they. When Ellen was talking about whether or not she and Portia wanted kids. And I believe that she said that Portia did want kids. But then Ellen said, you know that sound of, like, children playing in a pool? They're screaming and having a great time. I'm. That's the worst sound in the world to me. And I thought, that is bleak.

[A]

That's.

[B]

It's so bleak.

[A]

Something else.

[B]

It really affected me. It turned me black from the inside out. It really just. Like a tar. There was just a. There was like a rough. There was just. It really brought me down. It was a rough weekend for you.

[A]

Remember when that happened? I didn't know that's when that happened. That was the source of it. Yes.

[B]

That's the one time I.

[E]

That was one of the times, Joan.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

That was one of the times I.

[A]

Heard a different name for some reason.

[B]

Anyways, babe, do you know how long we've been talking?

[E]

At this point? Yeah, over. 30.

[B]

At this point? Yeah, over.

[E]

Well, when you asked before, it was about.

[B]

Well, that was way too long. And so I need you, babe. I mean, I need you. You're supposed to, like, keep us on track and make sure we don't get past 20. That's usually our goal. I think 10 minutes over is too much.

[A]

I don't know that we've ever actually given Doug that response.

[E]

Thank you, Bert.

[A]

But that's a good idea.

[E]

First I've heard of that.

[B]

You know what? I'm sorry. I guess I just remember doing it And I guess I didn't do it. I'm really sorry. Oh, I really apologize, Doug.

[A]

Do you. Do you accept her apology? You know what? I'm gonna stay out of it.

[B]

Do you accept my. I apologize. Oh, no, I mean my I pil. I pila. Ji.

[A]

We'll be right back with the neighbor Listen when the Neighborhood Listen returns.

[B]

Mr.

[C]

Monopoly here. Monopoly is back at McDonald's. Register in the McDonald's app so you're ready to get your bag. Two ways to peel for a chance to get your bag. Physical peels with select items and digital peels with others. To get your bag, play Monopoly at McDonald's.

[A]

No purchase necessary. C rolls at Playo mcd.com for full details and [e-mail] to play without purchase. And September 2023, but bonus plans November 2nd. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro. Copyright McDonald's.

[D]

Look, it's okay to make some financial mistakes. We've all missed payments, signed up for cards we didn't need, or ignored our credit scores. You're not alone. That's why you need Experian, your big financial friend. The Experian app helps you check your FICO score, find ways to save and get matched with credit card offers that fit your needs needs. Some cards are labeled no Ding Decline, which means if you're not approved, they won't hurt your credit scores. So yeah, it's okay if you haven't been the best with your finances. That's why you've got Experian on your side. Download the app for free today. Applying for no Ding decline cards won't hurt your credit scores. If you aren't initially approved. Initial approval will result in a hard inquiry which may impact your credit score scores.

[A]

This is Scott and wanted tortoise free. Hello. We have some rescue tortoises and was looking for a marginated tortoise. We prefer females. We don't want the tortoises. We have to fight. We will take great care of her. Torture tortoise and feed her well from our organic garden. And then the sort of Steamboat Willy kind of emoticon with the to the equal sign. And then this. The parentheses makes a smile. Thank you. When I say we. We. We will take great care of her. Tortoise. I mean we will take great care of her. Kamala. Tortoise. Her. The tortoise. We don't. We don't want them to fight because we got out of that business. It was not lucrative and I don't recommend it. Tortoises. Even if they fight. It's not exciting to watch. Not as exciting as other animals. We did have. We did have two armadillos fighting, but they mostly just argued. So. Yeah, give us a free tortoise. D welcome back to the neighborhood lesson.

[B]

Oh, Bird, I loved that.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

It was really. It's like a character you put on.

[A]

Ugh. Characters.

[B]

You don't like that.

[A]

You know, I don't like that. I don't like that in comedy.

[B]

Oh, you don't like characters in comedy. What are they supposed to do? Supposed to be just a bunch of just boring, bland people, I guess either.

[A]

At the beginning or at the end, they should break the character and say, it's just me.

[B]

By the way, you know, I knew a friend that worked on a sketch.

[A]

What's that done?

[E]

I'd appreciate that.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Give you a little wink. Hey.

[A]

You would tacitly appreciate that.

[E]

Absolutely.

[A]

Sorry, what's this about a friend who.

[B]

Worked on a sketch show? Yeah. And she just said that a lot of times, if you'll see a sketch with a crazy character, with one crazy character, they. They said that. Writers call that here comes the weirdo sketches.

[A]

Oh, sure. Absolutely. Well, those are the funnest sketches where everyone else just has to stand around.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Be like, what are you doing?

[B]

That's what it feels like for me at home.

[A]

That's not normal behavior. All right, so we scour the neighborhap, the social networking application for neighborhoods. We do this every week, and we invite people on to tell their stories. If you see a post that you think we should talk about, we should invite that guest on. Why don't you screenshot it and let us know?

[B]

Sorry. Burnt in our. Our feet never touch, but when they do, it is like in electric shock. And Bert reacts very big.

[A]

They're touching like crazy.

[B]

Because if he forgets, our limbs are very close together down there.

[A]

I feel like the kitchen island. First of all, there shouldn't be room for feet to be touching underneath. Why do you have that?

[E]

Joan stretches out the boys.

[B]

Yeah. So we have these little. These little airways where tunnels for our feet so our feet could touch. All the family wanted them. I had this big slab of marble, but they made me cut right through it.

[A]

Oh, that's kind of sweet.

[B]

It was good.

[A]

So you sit around the island. Your feet would be touching each other.

[B]

Once in a while. But, you know, my boys like to swing their feet. And of course, we're in these. These very high chairs that have extremely high backs, almost like a canopy above you. And Because I love the acoustics of it. Sure, but it's, but you reacted as if you were in an inner tube in the water and a shark brushed against your toe.

[A]

Guilty as charged. So if you'd like to send us a post that we've missed, send it to us, screenshot it, and send it to [e-mail] A listener did just that. Webb Cummings sent us these posts. They're both from the same person.

[B]

Thanks, Webb.

[A]

Thank you, Webb. Thank you for being a listener. Hope you will one day be a fan. This is a post from our guest. Our guest writes, this post is entitled Just saying I wish I could get comma in person. The hamburgers that they space serve on tv, they're really huge on tv, but when I go to the restaurant to buy them, they're like flatter than a sewer cover. Quote, just saying, end quote. And then if you have a problem with that, our guest writes in a separate post, I have a right to express myself just like you do.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Please welcome to the neighborhood. Listen to Tell us more.

[E]

Paul.

[A]

Paul, welcome.

[B]

Hey, what's up?

[C]

Happy to be here.

[B]

Oh, thanks for coming.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

No, go ahead. Sorry, sorry, sorry, Paul. We just, we didn't have our, our or sometimes we don't know who's going to ask the first question. Yes, but I, I, I will ask a question, please. Okay.

[A]

Of course it is.

[B]

Is there a specific. When you're watching these burgers on tv.

[A]

Is this going right to the burgers?

[B]

Is this is. I just want to get right to the heart of the matter. Are these, are we talking about various commercials? Can you like, name the, Are these for local restaurants? Are these for chains? Is this, do you want to name.

[A]

And shame the chain?

[B]

I don't need Paul. I don't need him to shame and change the restaurant. But I would like to know what the variety is of things he's seen. Right. Is there something specific or just talk to me about that a little bit.

[C]

Well, you know, it's a problem across the board. So on some of these commercials, we're talking about, you know, dignity, fault. Burger Barn. We're all aware of Burger Barn.

[B]

Oh, we're very aware of Burger Barn.

[C]

You know, particularly advertises really tall burgers. Big tall burgers. Couple of patties, couple of buns.

[B]

Yes. I mean, they will have them on the side of the highway. The billboard is instead like a billboard that's flipped on its side. A vertical billboard.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's just a stack of.

[E]

This is not actual Size, but almost.

[C]

But it says it in very small font.

[B]

You're right, Paul. That is true.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so that's one of the ones you're talking about. Yeah.

[C]

When I say when I'm seeing burgers on tv, I mean a vertical billboard.

[A]

Billboard.

[C]

I mean mostly a vertical billboard. And then also, you know, there's the fireplace channel, you know. Well, there's also one burger tv and that's just sort of a slideshow, a keynote presentation of burgers, different burgers, photos, videos.

[A]

I've heard of this, but I haven't seen. I don't think it's in my cable package.

[C]

No, you have to pay extra.

[B]

Do you do ad free?

[C]

Absolutely. Because I don't want no ads that don't have burgers in them when I'm watching the burgers.

[B]

Right, sure.

[C]

I don't want you configure ads. I only want burger ads.

[A]

Yeah. Now, just for people, outside of Dignity Falls, there is a fireplace channel here. That is. And a lot of people don't realize this. It's live.

[B]

It is.

[A]

It's a fire being tended 24 hours a day. And it's been.

[B]

It's the longest burning fire has never been disclosed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People tried to find it.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

They've tried to find. They've dedicated their lives to trying to find this live fire.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. The attempt. Eternal flame of dignity falls.

[B]

Yes, that's right.

[A]

Yes. And it truly is not in a way like a lot of these eternal flames are. This is truly an eternal flame because it was found.

[B]

It was.

[A]

And then people just started taking care of it. Yeah.

[B]

So can I ask you, this might be getting straight to it too much, but is there. Is there a perfect burger you have had? Is there. Are you comparing this to something you remember having or is. Is it still a. A dream that's far away.

[C]

Well, is beautiful.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

That was poetic. That was poetic. You're a fellow burger lover.

[B]

Oh, I do love. I do love a meat sandwich. Yeah.

[C]

Now, I'm always yearning for the best burger possible. I'm always yearning, and I've had some pretty good burgers, but I'm still yearning for the.

[B]

For the big one Top Burger. What would you say Top burger is?

[C]

Probably Burger Barns. Big Porky Boy Boy Burger.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I love that.

[C]

And that's the burger where you got three patties and they're filled with cheese. The BB burger and three patties filled with cheese. And when you order it, they shuffle it like a deck of cards.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's impressive.

[C]

And they stack them up it's always a teenager who's cooking it.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

They get a minimum wage teenager who's cooking it.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Big, big Porky Boy.

[B]

You can taste that in the quality of them.

[C]

Absolutely. And when they, when they deliver it to you, they don't wrap it in paper because it's so tall. They kind of tie it like, like a, like a package with a piece of twine to hold it all down.

[B]

Sometimes they'll do a toothpick all the way down the middle. But pe, they stopped doing that because people were injuring themselves.

[D]

Of course.

[B]

But then let me ask you, first of all, how do you eat that? Do you turn it.

[A]

They injuring themselves?

[B]

Well, because here's why. It was good on the toothpick.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

How, How?

[B]

Because they bite into it. No, but don't shoot. Well, I heard my boys have gone a couple times. They said they eat it like corn on the cob. You have to hold it, hold it.

[C]

By the either side of the skewer.

[B]

You have to hold it horizontally.

[A]

Well, then you must have sense of where the thing is.

[B]

You're talking about my boys.

[A]

That's a user error.

[E]

You can stab your hand.

[C]

The Porky Boy burger is such an experience that you might find yourself lost. That's true. Go straight through the middle.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Let me ask you. So then that sounds like an example of burger scene burger achieved. Right. Where you've seen a burger on TV that you wanted.

[A]

This is a classic example of burger scene burger achieved. Achieved. Would you not agree?

[C]

I would say it is absolutely. Burger scene burger achieved is sort of the motto by which I live my life.

[A]

Wow. Oh, that's what that tattoo is.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The one, the one on my forehead.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Burger seed on my chin. Burger cheese.

[A]

I was, I didn't, I, I, I, I confess I wanted to read it, but I felt like I would be staring if I, I did. If I linger too long trying to.

[B]

Same issue. Yep.

[C]

And then I, on my chest have a tattoo that, that says, hey, my burger scene burger achieved is up here. So you really can't look much anywhere when you're taking a gander at me. I'm hoping you're looking at the big, big burger I'm eating now.

[A]

Frankly, I want to ask you about your sort of, it seems like it's a maybe a catchphrase that you're initiating. Just saying, is this, is this the beginning of. Because. Okay, let's, let's back up a bit. Little, little bit, please.

[B]

Thanks, Doug.

[A]

That's my husband.

[B]

You can't hear me in another room, but he's doing. He's doing a backup sound. Thanks, babe.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you for that.

[B]

Paul appreciates that.

[A]

Confused momentarily. So the post before this one that I read. Second, that I have a right to express myself just like you do.

[C]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Was this in response to something? Because then. Then you come out with the just saying, which feels like, if I may. Correct me if I'm wrong, the first in what is to be a series of just sayings by Paul.

[C]

Absolutely. No, you couldn't be more right. I mean, people have been trying to stifle my speech about different fast food for years.

[A]

All the things you want to say are fast.

[B]

They've tried to stifle it. Can you give an example of someone stifling your spouse who's silencing you?

[A]

Doug.

[C]

Well, you know, it's just not Doug.

[A]

Paul, I'm so sorry. I have some sort of name blindness about.

[B]

It's been a while since we had two one syllable, three one syllable names going on.

[A]

It's been a long.

[B]

It's been a really long time.

[A]

4.

[C]

Hey, that's all right.

[B]

I was gonna say male names, but yes, you're right. So go on. What's an example of someone stifling your burger speech?

[C]

Okay, so my burger speech was stifled. It was sort of burger adjacent speech, quite frankly. And that's.

[B]

I watched. I didn't mean to limit it just to burgers. You said. You said in general. Yes.

[A]

Close call, Joan.

[C]

I can say I contain multitudes. So 1. One such example is I was watching Scooby do and I saw them have a big old tall sandwich.

[A]

Oh, sure. Shaggy loves those sandwiches.

[C]

Yeah, Shaggy loves those.

[B]

You have an olive on the top of it.

[C]

Yeah, big old olive right on the top. A castle vino olive. Yes, a big and juicy. And then I go into town to Dignity Falls sandwich chain shop.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Subs and stuff.

[B]

I love subs and stuff.

[C]

And here we go. I go in and get a big old sandwich stacked real high. They give me a long sandwich. They said we only serve submarines here, and that would be stifling my sandwich.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I see.

[C]

I want a big. I want it up. I don't want it side to side.

[B]

Oh, but okay, but you were saying your original post. Okay. Oh, I see. You. You really, really like, like it, like, big and tall and thick with your sandwiches.

[C]

I like it big and tall and thick. Exactly. People can say that about many things.

[B]

For me, this is true.

[C]

Burgers, sandwiches, French fry.

[B]

I'm surprised because you know, I love.

[A]

A big tall thick french fry.

[C]

Just one, one big one like a javelin.

[B]

Comes in a fun. It still comes in a fun silver like long container.

[C]

I want a french fry the size of a, of a submarine sandwich. And I want a submarine sandwich the height of a eight year old boy. I want them tall.

[B]

I said, yeah, I mean I can see that. I guess they just figured, you know, maybe you did have a kid who it was their first day and they didn't think that they were up to the task of doing a tall sub sandwich because they do have, you know, especially lately because of sort of the double meaning or should we say dual purpose but it's double meaning that you know, subs and stuff was, was saying they doing substacks, you know and you did have to, you had to subscribe to the group but you could come in and you could get a substack, you know and, and I. Maybe he just didn't know about that policy because that makes me sad because I really love subs and stuff. I mean I always go in there for like an Italian sandwich and a pencil sharpener.

[A]

I love subs and stuff because I would get a sub there and I would get maybe some boots for the winter. But do you remember, remember the, the, the when they lost me was when substance stuff tried to sue that movie, the substance.

[B]

Oh yes.

[A]

Saying that this is a cop. This is too.

[B]

That was just in the spring.

[A]

They said you're trying to confuse people. And I like that stretch. Guys, come on. What are we doing here? This is a frivolous lawsuit.

[B]

Well, that's.

[A]

It doesn't matter that they won.

[B]

That's one of our, our state. I mean that's one of our things we're known for. Diggity falls, the sound of frivolous losses.

[C]

Listen, you know, and if you don't.

[B]

Think so, we'll su.

[C]

Demi Moore was the spokesperson for subs and stuff. So I do understand.

[B]

We often get celebrities come. You know, it's like when they fly to Japan. Whiskey. Yeah, but we really treat them great. I mean Helen Mirren, wasn't it that did the commercial for the, the Ford that only children could drive.

[A]

Yes, that's right, baby Ford.

[B]

What was it called? No, no, it was an established thing and I now can't remember the name of it. But you know what? Doug usually is good at remembering that stuff. He'll come back with it to us soon. But we get some really great people so that didn't surprise me but I think I missed these Demi Moore Commercials.

[C]

Yeah, it's sort of like. It was sort of. She was, it was sort of like Jared Fogel adjacent.

[A]

Not enough. Not enough.

[C]

Not in that way. And she, she would be wearing really small pants. She'd be saying, I too much subs and stuff. And now I don't fit in these dang pants.

[A]

She would hold up a doll sized pair of pants and say, well, say goodbye to these.

[C]

Yeah, because I'm throwing these in. What?

[B]

But see, she didn't connect it to the movie, did she? It's just that then the movie, the people who wrote the movie connected.

[A]

No, exactly. Then she's in a movie called the Substance and Substance Stuff. Said, come on, Demi. I thought we had a great relationship.

[C]

You have a sub exclusive clause in your contract.

[A]

We paid you $150 million.

[B]

Is that how much you made?

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Subs and stuff is very successful.

[B]

No, I mean it really is for a non change.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's a mom and pop shop.

[B]

Well, because they sell, they sell so much stuff. I think they do. We think they make most of their money on the stuff rather than the subs.

[A]

Yeah. Because they do crypto and stuff. They want those crypto ATMs they were in early on.

[C]

Crypto.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

Yeah. You ever get an NFT of a big sub? Big Misty sandwich. NFT would be ball huggy.

[B]

I mean, by the way, what I'm meant.

[C]

Ball huggy. Big one.

[B]

I mean, by the way, the subs and stuff, just so people have a reference. I mean it's the size of two Walmarts. You know, I mean there's just so much, just so much stuff in there. And they have all the servers in the back.

[A]

Sandwich counter is relatively small.

[B]

It's very small. It's just right up front. Up front, near the exit.

[C]

Sandwich counter is sort of the size of Lucy from Peanuts Therapy.

[A]

Yeah, it's sort of like. Sort of like going to Narnia. You enter in there and then you can't. They have it somehow so you can't see from the outside the rest of the store. And you go in. You can't believe.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's a whole world back there. Just saying.

[B]

So. Well, so I'm sorry about that part, but. But I, I do think that was to answer a question about how your language had been stifled about it. And I think I want to just go back to that. Yeah, that. There must be a few other examples.

[A]

There must be. Well, there must be.

[C]

Listen, I'm just saying.

[B]

I'm just saying I'm trying to establish a pattern here. Burn. Because, like, usually that's what I'm trying to help the person I'm trying to see. Okay. Okay, great. No, I didn't think you were. I was just sort of, you know.

[A]

I wasn't questioning anything. I was agreeing with you.

[B]

I was just sort of talking.

[A]

Okay. I thought I was supporting.

[C]

Hey, listen, you have the right. Let me pull up just like everyone else.

[A]

That's right. That's true.

[B]

Okay, so then. Wait, hang on a second. You know, I. Now I just want to change. Change it up. I want to first of all find out what it is you do for a living.

[C]

I'm an amateur rodeo dj.

[B]

An amateur rodeo dj?

[C]

Radio. Radio.

[B]

Oh, radio.

[C]

Hey, what's your rodeo?

[B]

Yes, it's a root. It's not. This isn't my first rodeo.

[C]

Rodeo?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I've been known to DJ a few rodeos.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

This is what you do for a living is you're an amateur radio dj?

[B]

Yeah. What does the amateur part mean, like?

[C]

Well, I'm very new at it.

[B]

Okay. But. And where can we listen to you?

[C]

102.1 dignity falls.

[B]

Oh, well, that seems kind of like. That sounds like a legit. I'm not familiar with it, but.

[A]

No, it's an established station. Used to be a pirate station that got promoted to legit status. Got promoted to captain.

[C]

And now. And now, you know, I only have one segment and it is called Just saying. And it's. It's sort of. I just say my points of view that people may or may not agree with, you know.

[B]

Oh, so then are you getting people like writing and complaining about that?

[C]

Okay, so maybe, you know, people really don't want to hear my. My theories and my interests about the height of food. And they also don't want to hear about, you know, the fight, having my girlfriend.

[B]

Oh, no, tell us about those.

[C]

Oh, well, you know, she's. She's beautiful lady.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Her name's Lucille and we met at Burger Barn.

[B]

You did meet at Burger Barn.

[C]

I met at Burger Barn. Yeah, we were all.

[A]

We.

[C]

We were both sitting on patio and.

[B]

We were both eating our cute. It's these. It's these, you know, it's these chairs that are shaped as patties.

[A]

You'll get it.

[B]

And they're warm. They're. There's. They're really warm. You sit down and they're.

[A]

Yeah, you sit down, they pipe in a sig. Sizzling sound.

[C]

Yeah, that. Kim Mitchell sang a song about it.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Body lanterns. And we were. And we Met under them lanterns, you.

[B]

Know, Met under them.

[C]

We met under them lanterns. And. And. And in the glow of that, you know, I saw her beautiful face. She had long red hairs and two. Two braids, like oneies.

[B]

Oh, like Wendy.

[C]

Winnie. Like Winnie.

[B]

Winnie. Okay, but you. But I mean, when you hear me say Wendy's, we're in agreement on the place, right? Or is it different? Okay, just want to make sure.

[C]

Just saying she looked like Winnie and she was real beautiful. She met. She smelled like a burger. She been eating them burgers.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She been eating so many burgers. She smelled like a burger.

[C]

And that's what I like.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[C]

That's what I like.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

100% all American beef.

[A]

That doesn't seem like a lot of burgers.

[B]

It does. Where you start to smell where you're sweating it out. Yeah.

[C]

I think she was also taking a little mustard put inside her wrist.

[A]

Oh, sure. Points. Yeah, absolutely.

[C]

You know.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So she was treating sort of the meat juice as an essential oil.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And it. Man. Was it essential to me. Oh, essential of my attraction to her.

[B]

Okay. And so. Yeah, so. So far, I can't imagine why a listener would have a problem with any of that, really. It's kind of sweet. Just keep going. So you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. You mad?

[C]

You know, it's star beautiful, but, you know, we move in with each other and, you know, know, it's just sort of domestic. Little domestic disputes, you know, Same thing when you're living. You know, I said I wanted to. I said I wanted our bed to be one of the circle beds.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And I want to pilot.

[B]

Really?

[C]

How would duvet. Absolutely. Green? Orange.

[A]

Right.

[C]

And then a couple pillows. Circle pillows that were green, too.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And I want the mattress to be brown, and I want the sheet to be beige and the bed frame to be beige. So we're slipping in a big burger.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And. And she. She said. She said, I want. No, I don't want that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, burger's a big other part of my life. I want the. I want my sandwich to look like. I want my sandwich to look like a pizza.

[B]

You said her bed. Her sandwich or her bed?

[C]

I'm on the. I'm on my bed. Well, we call the bed a sandwich.

[B]

That is kind of cute. That's pretty accurate. You get in between. You call it. You get in between the bread, you.

[A]

Become the meat in the sandwich. It's true.

[B]

Listen, you know, people.

[C]

It takes all kinds of kinds in this world.

[A]

That's so true.

[C]

All kinds of kinds.

[A]

That's so true.

[C]

So we get in our sandwich. Brackets.

[B]

Brackets.

[C]

And she wanted to look like a big pepperoni pizza. And I said that.

[B]

So she wanted a tapering, triangular shape for her bed.

[C]

Yeah. She wanted our feet to be hanging off the side.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Or our heads to be really close together. Lots of room.

[B]

Yeah. Or you have to sleep. Wait, say that again.

[C]

Or our heads to be close together. Lots of room with the legs sort of upside down pieces.

[B]

Oh, upside down. Because I was thinking if you laid down on that mattress, you'd have to just sort of arrange your body like you were going down a water slide.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Comfortably.

[A]

Yes, exactly. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I like my idea.

[A]

Like Dracula.

[C]

Like a Dracula.

[B]

So then that was the first fight. Would you say that was the big first fight about the burger bed?

[C]

And listen, you know, Happy. Happy home. Happy home.

[A]

What's that? Happy home.

[C]

Happy home.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, people say this.

[B]

Yeah. It's on just that simple signs. I have a question. Did you ever discuss maybe. Did you ever discuss maybe getting he. You love meat. That's high, you know, so why not get bunk beds? And then you can sort of pile the middle, you know, with a lot of pillows. And then you can get. Someone can be on top and then do that, you know, big bag.

[A]

But you know what?

[B]

That's right.

[A]

It's not round.

[B]

Two all beef mattresses. What?

[A]

It's not round.

[B]

He also said that he wanted a. A. A tall sub. Right. A tall sandwich.

[C]

Now, wait a second. Are you single?

[B]

I am not. My husband is in the other room.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Betrothed.

[B]

But why. Why did you ask?

[C]

I mean, listen. Happy home. Happy home. So I'm feeling sort of like. That's a good. Really good. That's a good direction.

[B]

You like the idea?

[C]

I like that idea.

[B]

See? He likes the idea.

[A]

I have to. I do have to pause, though, because Paul did say that he was furious when he was offered a submarine sandwich rather than a traditional square bread sandwich that goes to the ceiling. Like, Shaggy. Some Scooby Doo I love.

[B]

Okay, but then. Okay, but that could still work with a bunk bed, right? You got to sort of square, rectangular. They don't have to be.

[A]

They might as well be round.

[B]

You know, what are we. Stop yelling. How about. How about circular bunk beds? This coming from the person who can't eat square food.

[A]

This is Joe. Joe. Well, I think I can't eat square food.

[C]

Really?

[E]

True.

[C]

It's an affliction.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. It makes me sick.

[B]

You can't.

[C]

You can't have. You can't have A big Scooby Doo sandwich.

[A]

I. I can't.

[C]

You can't have.

[B]

My favorite part about telling guests this.

[A]

I can't have an ice cream sandwich if it's rectangular. Yes. I can't have.

[B]

You've been through it all.

[A]

I can't have a Klondike.

[E]

And you do any.

[A]

Anything. What would I do for contact more? Get sick.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[B]

All right. So maybe that's not the greatest suggestion, obviously, but.

[A]

Circular bunk. I like the idea of circular.

[C]

Circular.

[B]

I don't even know. And then are they structurally safe?

[C]

Kind of hard to get up to the top. The ladder's curved.

[A]

Well, you can have a ladder on a. On a spiral above ground.

[B]

You're gonna have a wire pole in the middle of it. Staircase. That's cute. I like that, babe.

[A]

In the.

[C]

In the center between the two buns.

[A]

Oh, is it in the middle?

[B]

I thought it was around the outside.

[A]

I thought it was around the outside.

[B]

Wow, babe. Okay.

[A]

That's a tight spiral. You're right.

[B]

You're right. Now you have to sleep now. You have to sleep together like a yin yang. A yin and yang.

[C]

And you know what? I think that's why she was so upset. Now that I'm thinking about it. I think she. I think she wanted. I think, you know, she wanted a pizza bake. She wanted to be really close. She wanted us to be really close together.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

She didn't want to be so far apart, like, on a burger bed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. And then did it just kind of go downhill from there, or. You know, what? Are you still. You're still together? I'm imagining. So there's still something worth fighting for.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

You have good days and bad days.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, if I could tell y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

I think I'm gonna propose.

[B]

Whoa. What?

[A]

Wow.

[B]

From that story to proposal.

[C]

Well, you know, when. When a relationship's on a shaky level. Leg. Commit. Absolutely.

[B]

That'll fix it.

[C]

That's what I think it was. That or a kid.

[A]

So I do think you gotta save that for. If there's trouble in the marriage.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Sort of a. Just, you know, big duct tape. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Wow. Okay.

[C]

Nothing. I want to propose. I think I'm gonna take her. I'm gonna take her to a pasture full of cows.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Say, you know, these cows, one day.

[B]

Let'S take her back to where it all started.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The seed from which the flower grows.

[E]

Right.

[A]

The.

[C]

These cows, one day we're going to. We're going to grind them all up in a big Fat.

[B]

It's very romantic bunch of them.

[C]

We don't. There'll be a bunch of different cows in each patty. It won't be one cow.

[B]

Of course that is true.

[A]

It's not something we think about often enough.

[B]

Nope.

[C]

Hope our listeners really remember that part.

[A]

Yeah, let's, let's take a moment to all think about that. How when you eat a burger, you're probably eating 70 different cows.

[B]

Oh God. Well, definitely the Burger Barn because they're so big.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah. So probably 140 cows. And that was a problem.

[B]

So I guess this is the question I want to come back to. Is that you?

[C]

290 maybe.

[B]

So isn't that we don't they have a special Burger Barn burger that is a 290 plus and that. That informs you that there's more. That's the number of cows.

[A]

It's more. Only one where they will reveal.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

The number of cows. Yeah. They call it the 290 Plus.

[B]

And it comes in a wrapper with pictures of all the cows.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. It says today you are. It's sort of at like that lush when you know who packed the product. So today you are eating and it's like Daisy Melba.

[B]

You know, I can't go in there, Paul. I'll be honest. It's like toxic fumes to me. It is like. I don't know. That is the most aggressive soap I've ever experienced in my life, that place. Fresh. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Burn. I thought we were talking about the burger bar.

[B]

You were talking about fresh, right, Paul?

[C]

Lush.

[B]

Oh, sorry, Lush.

[A]

What's fresh?

[B]

Fresh is a different thing.

[E]

What's fresh?

[B]

Fresh fresh is like a cosmetics line. Is it ripped fresh yet fresh? It is.

[C]

Fresh.

[B]

It is, it's, it's. You know, you can get it at Sephora and it's supposed to be. I think it's supposed to be one of the sort of cruelty free ones and it's, it's, it's a lot of liquor, it's a lot of balm.

[E]

But the soap is aggressive.

[B]

No, no, no. Now I'm talk. I'm talking about lush. I, I said the wrong sh. Word. It is.

[A]

Are women still saying fresh when they encounter a masher?

[B]

A masher?

[C]

A masher.

[B]

I need to know what a. You mean.

[A]

I just open old cartoons.

[B]

This is. That's what I was referencing. Well, you know, but what, what is a masher again?

[A]

A masher is someone you would. Who is. They're being fresh.

[B]

I never knew that. Where does that come from?

[C]

Don't get fresh with me, boy. Like that.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Exactly. Fresh, huh?

[C]

You know, that's a masher.

[B]

See, I'm more confused by the masher part.

[A]

You never heard that?

[B]

Never.

[A]

I've just heard it from moldy old cartoons.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Well, you know, my. My. My girlfriend Lucy will sometimes say I'm getting fresh with her. But that's when I, you know, take it upon myself to go slay the cow which will be eating the beef of later that night.

[B]

Oh, no, wait a minute. You slay your own cow? Sometimes. Do you own cows?

[A]

We're just normalizing the term. Slay.

[C]

Slay.

[B]

I just. We don't shame. We don't. We don't shame on this podcast. And I never want to.

[A]

We don't. But I just meant, like, it's an industry term.

[C]

Yeah, well, what I'm doing to him is slaying.

[B]

Oh, dear. Okay, perhaps I should have taken a little bit of a pause for slay then. You should have held space for slay.

[C]

And I don't. I don't own any cast. I'm just slaying a cow that I can get my hand on.

[A]

You said you're holding space.

[B]

Oh, that's a crook of his finger and pointed it at me. And I thought it was like a crone casting a spell.

[C]

A crooked witch's finger.

[B]

I thought I was being singled out.

[E]

Or that I thought it was the rigid finger of blame.

[B]

Or that I spilled on my shirt. Even worse.

[A]

You thought it was the rigid finger of blame.

[B]

I thought it was the rigid finger blame.

[A]

You thought.

[C]

He thought. You thought he thought you were getting fresh.

[B]

That's right. And all I was really trying to talk about was the place lush that has all that. That soap that. I don't like it, but I really took us far afield.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is one. Okay, so now we need to. Now we need to address the sleigh of it all.

[A]

Yes. So.

[B]

So. And I'm assuming it's not like. Okay, so you say you're slaying the cows.

[C]

I am.

[B]

And it's not a slay.

[C]

And they're not. It's sort of a brutal and gruesome end.

[B]

Do you. Wow.

[A]

Is a sword involved?

[C]

Do you Sometimes.

[A]

Sword.

[C]

Halberd axe.

[B]

Mace. Oh, not a halberd grenade. Oh, Halbert.

[C]

Big Halbert.

[B]

Halbert.

[A]

Oh, Halbert. Slay the cow, Halbert.

[B]

Wait, so do you own land and cows? What's happening?

[C]

No, no, these aren't my cast.

[B]

Oh, dear.

[C]

I'm sneaking in in the dead of night?

[B]

No, sneaking in the dead of night.

[C]

I'm swinging two sides around my head.

[B]

Really fast, and he is. He just. He just swung them. He just.

[A]

That was impressive.

[C]

Yeah. I have a. I have, like. Like 36 chambers. I have a three prong nunchuck.

[A]

Three chambers.

[B]

36 chambers. That hung up on the chamber.

[C]

That kung fu movie. Oh.

[A]

Oh, I've not seen it. I've not seen it.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I got a three prong nunchuck. I'm swinging around.

[B]

Thought it was a reference to how many hearts. I got cow hats.

[C]

I wish. The heart's the sweetest part.

[A]

Oh, you eat the heart of the cow?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's one of the layers in the big tall burger.

[A]

The Cord de Lao.

[B]

Wait, so how many? This is.

[C]

I don't like the French.

[A]

You don't like across the board like the French?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Why is that?

[C]

Well, cuz.

[A]

And keep in mind, you have the right to express yourself just as I do.

[C]

I'm just saying.

[B]

I bet he doesn't like sous vide. He doesn't. Doesn't like his meat that way.

[A]

Is that true? You don't like sous vide?

[C]

I don't like Sue. She mean. I'm not a fan.

[B]

Wait a minute. I really need to get back to this. How many. This is a pro. How many cows do you suppose you have slayed that are not yours?

[C]

I would say.

[A]

What's your body count?

[C]

I'd say about. About 8,500.

[B]

Oh, good. 85 was a lot.

[A]

85 was a lot.

[B]

On a. This is. The scale of. This is insane.

[C]

I'm just trying to make a burger the size of a vertical billboard. So I'm. I got. Have 8,500 cows, so I can stack them up real high. I sometimes wheel it out to the billboard. Check the size.

[A]

Oh, so this is an ongoing project.

[B]

You wheel it out to the billboard to check the size. I just want to walk through the logistics of that.

[C]

It's a big wheelbarrow. It's a big wheelbarrow.

[A]

And you got.

[B]

Well, that answers it.

[A]

The meat stacked up okay. Yeah.

[C]

It's to see, you know, it's the same size.

[A]

Where are you storing the meat in between measuring.

[B]

Good question.

[C]

1. One room in my house is the bedroom. That's where the burger or pizza slice is.

[A]

The house you share With Lucille.

[C]

With Lucille. And then every other room is refrigerated.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

Every other room refrigerated. So I could keep it anywhere.

[B]

Building this seems very unsanitary.

[C]

I Insulated. I take the, the, the leather from the cows. I'm insulating my whole house.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Spots or white with brown spots?

[B]

Sure, sure. Jersey Holstein. I, I'm a little bit shocked. I'm feeling a little bit. I mean, what, what you're doing is, is criminal. I mean, this is.

[A]

I think that it is. I think it's illegal.

[B]

And. And I also wonder why. I want to know the order of things. Did you start doing this and then make the post or did you make the post and then start doing this? Thank you.

[C]

So I made the post and then I started doing this because I wanted.

[B]

To take I was not matters into your own hands.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Right. Wow.

[C]

Because I have the right to express myself.

[B]

So I also want to get something straight. You slay all these cows and then you make your own burgers, but you still go to Burger Barn, it sounds like.

[C]

Yeah, I'm checking up on them.

[B]

But like to eat there.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, it's where Lucille and I met. We have nice memories.

[B]

A bit redundant, right? I mean, he's killing all these cows and then still goes someplace else to have a burger.

[A]

Well, because he needs that meat in order to get it to the side, the height of the billboard. So you can't eat the meat. Do you?

[B]

Well, sorry, maybe I don't. Please educate. Pull the car over.

[A]

Well, if you're, if you're eating any of the meat that you create yourself.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're taking that away from the building. The height to the, to the height.

[B]

Of the billboard, I guess. But he's just going to go kill another cow. I mean, but it's going to take.

[A]

You that much longer if you, you keep. If you keep taking away from the meat tower.

[B]

I guess that's true. But also now I'm just remembering that I, you know, it's like I just don't pay attention to agricultural news like I should.

[A]

None of us do.

[B]

None of us do.

[A]

None of us. You know, we could all be better on that.

[B]

You could be better on that. Let's all stop and think about that for a minute. I was there a weird sound that just happened. Babe, it went.

[E]

Nope.

[B]

Are you kidding? Okay. That's just me and my brain.

[C]

No, I heard it.

[B]

Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Paul. Now I have to say. I have to say that I have seen. Now I'm remembering like a little headline that I just sort of swiped past, right. About a shortage of cows, missing cows, these horrible, horrifying, bloody scenes that farmers are finding. And I just would simply say not for Me, not my monkey dog.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I remember. Was on the news for days. I did forget about that. Where they were saying, what is happening to the cows? And then there was an outline of a, of a cow. Silhouette of a cow with a big question mark.

[C]

Question mark. Yeah.

[E]

And they thought it was a cryptid.

[B]

That was, that was killing them.

[A]

Yeah, it was making them disappear.

[B]

Right. Because the, the scenes were so horrifying and bloody.

[A]

Yeah. And they thought aliens were here.

[B]

They thought aliens were here. I have to ask. Did you go past city lines to, to kill. Were they all 8, 500 in this town or did you go into other towns?

[C]

Listen, borders are, Borders are a product to the mine. So I was going cross city lines. I was going next town over.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I was going next town north, east and west. I've yet to hit.

[A]

So you've gone over north, but you haven't gone east and west yet?

[C]

Nope. Those are the directions on my compass.

[B]

Have you. I'm surprised that no one has been. Have you ever noticed yourself being sort of followed or do you think anyone's been investigating? I can't believe that someone has absolutely. And has tried to get to the bottom. This is an insane amount of killings.

[A]

I mean, you think people with cows would be on extra guard?

[B]

Yes. This is, this is all they're thinking about.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I've been followed. I've been chased with a pitchfork and a torch. But you know, I look once, pitchfork.

[B]

And a torch for just one person. Usually they come in a group, one in each hand. Just a one person mob.

[C]

And. But here's the thing. I look pretty frightening after I've been slaying those cows. I'm covered in blood. I got to look at my. I'm holding a big sharp object. You know, people are, people are following me, but they ain't getting me.

[A]

Yeah, apparently not.

[C]

That's for sure.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And listen, at a certain point I think they just acquiesce. They say, wow, you've killed several hundred of my cows. I, I don't, I don't think I could stop you. And so, you know, I'm dragging them out by the hooves.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Dragging them out onto my wheelbarrow, bringing them back.

[A]

And, and the people on the couch just watching, they just give up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Cup of coffee, standing at their fence. Oh, now this is like neighbor watching me drag around, you know, 1500 pound animal baked in my Ford F150, driving it back to Dignity Falls.

[B]

See, I feel like, oh yeah, it.

[E]

Was Ford foundation before by the way.

[A]

Ford foundation made for children to drive.

[E]

It turns off at the border of Dignity Falls.

[B]

Yes, it does.

[A]

And Helen Mirren did the commercials. Yes.

[B]

Oh, this place is nutty. So, Okay, I don't. Burnt. I don't know.

[E]

I don't want to.

[B]

Really sort of thrown. Yes. Doug wants to know about the sewer covers.

[A]

I just.

[C]

I thought it was an apropos comparison.

[B]

And the complaint was that that's what they look like, right?

[A]

That's how flat they are.

[B]

Flat.

[A]

Yes, that's how flat they are. Here's.

[B]

Here's a question. How in the world has any other business here that serves red meat been able to stay in business with 8,500 cows being slain?

[A]

Well, because they use so much less meat than Burger Bomb, I guess.

[C]

And that's why their burgers are so flat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You mean like they are. Have they even gotten more flat since you've been killing more cows?

[A]

Those. I, I. Here's what I, I bet where you're coming from, those burgers are so flat. Probably all of their burgers come from.

[B]

How flat are they? Sorry. Burn. I just thought that would be fun.

[A]

Do you know what?

[E]

Let's.

[A]

Let's restart because that would be fun.

[B]

Oh, goody. Okay. Other than chime in to get ready.

[A]

The burgers in Dignity Falls are so flat.

[C]

How flat are they?

[A]

One cow.

[B]

Oh, was that your Johnny Carson?

[A]

Was that a reasonable approximation to Johnny Carson?

[B]

He was very physical. I wish everyone could have seen that at home. But it really had the finger. Oh, that was fun. Wasn't that fun?

[A]

Glad we did that. I think we are running out of time.

[B]

I don't know. To be honest, I can't. My brain won't think of any other questions past this admission from Paul of this horrifying massacre.

[A]

I guess all I can say is.

[B]

I guess bovine aside, we'll give you.

[A]

A 20 minute head start before we call the police.

[C]

Yeah, that's fair. Okay, 20 minutes. Fair.

[A]

And before you go, is there any other, any other just sayings you want to get out there either burger related or non burger?

[C]

Yeah, absolutely. I got a couple.

[B]

Oh, good. Go for it.

[C]

Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway? Just saying.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, this is gonna hit Doug right where he lives.

[C]

How come. How come everybody. How come everybody keeps to their self these days? We should be. We should be having more community. We should be more talking to each other. And we should be not sort of, you know, calling the police on each other. Even if there's a certain amount of cows that feel like.

[B]

Might be too many, that started generic and then that got specific.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Just.

[B]

Just say I was with you in the beginning.

[A]

Okay. And we have time for three more.

[B]

Good.

[C]

Yay. Okay.

[B]

And. And one more. How flat are they? Could we just do one more?

[A]

One more What?

[B]

How flat are they? Okay. Thanks, Bert.

[C]

How come. How come you know the. I bet the Pringles man, the Monopoly man related. They both have a Monopoly monocle. Just saying.

[B]

Okay, I don't think that's true. I don't.

[C]

Pringle man. Pringle man have a monocle. PR man doesn't have a monoc.

[A]

They both have mustaches.

[E]

How come Bring them effect the mon. The Monopoly man. I don't even think has a mon.

[B]

I think that is correct, babe. I think that it's only the peanut that has the monocle.

[A]

It's only the peanut.

[E]

She doesn't identify him with.

[A]

With Mr. The pe.

[C]

The her on.

[E]

She's never liked Mr. Peanut.

[C]

I knew it.

[A]

I knew it, babe. You never liked.

[B]

Give him the title.

[A]

You won't give him the honorific. He won't give him the honorific.

[B]

He did not work for it.

[E]

Sometimes she says, that peanut, He's a nepo.

[B]

Peanut, the peanut.

[A]

With disgust.

[C]

You said that with dis. The peanut. That dastardly nut.

[A]

Okay, two more.

[C]

Okay, great.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How come everybody.

[E]

It's already good.

[C]

How come everybody. How come everybody want to have how come everybody want to have a.

[A]

How.

[C]

Come everybody want to have blonde hair? Don't they say? Don't they say? Don't they say? Blondes are stupid? Just saying they also blondes.

[B]

Okay, just last one. One.

[C]

If I'm having more fun, but I'm stupid. Store cancels out, right? Oh, just say. Does that count as another one, please?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah, we'll accept it. And of course, we'll end with a. How flat are they?

[B]

Oh, goody, here we go.

[A]

The. The dignity falls. Hamburgers are so flat these days.

[C]

How flat are they these days?

[B]

Boy. Babe, come on. We didn't do that last time.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

What's going on? Let's start again. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3.

[C]

How flat are they?

[A]

They're so flat. They're competing on the US Gymnastics team.

[C]

I like that one. I like that one. Listen, you have the right to express.

[B]

Yourself just like you do Johnny Carson misogyny.

[A]

Classic Johnny Carson misogyny.

[C]

You were really wiggling your finger when you said that.

[B]

He really did. It was great. All right. We're laughing so much, but I'm truly Horrified about this story. And I just want to be very clear about it.

[A]

We're having a great time, but let's be clear. You're a nightmare, Paul. And thank you for being. And you have 20 minutes.

[C]

Okay. And.

[A]

Oh, there he goes. Wow. He's hauling ass.

[B]

He would. There's a hymn sized shape. A hole in my. In my back.

[A]

He did a reverse Kool Aid, man. He went out. All right. We will return with the Dignity Falls podcast.

[C]

The neighborhood.

[A]

Listen when we return.

[B]

Hello, this is Patricia. I've got a Barbie dream house here for $80. It's in good condition. I say good, not excellent, because my daughter. Daughter's been living in it for the last three years. She's 24 years old. I'm telling you, this generation. I finally had to kick her out. I served her with an adorably tiny eviction notice. And I said, I. I can't. I can't do this anymore. Okay. Somehow she's. She's. She's. She's raising my electricity bill through the roof. I don't even know what's going on or how that's possible. There isn't a light bulb on this thing. But I said, you're literally too big for it. You're too grown. Get. Get out of the house. The Barbie house and mine. Come get this. It's $80.

[A]

And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen. Well, that interview took a turn.

[B]

Yeah. That story was chilling. But I do want to just say I want to give Paul a shout out. That, weirdly, I got a little. I didn't notice that Paul had written me a note while.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Well, yes. Before he ran away.

[A]

Did you see where Gabby was?

[B]

It didn't.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

It just said.

[A]

I guess that's too much.

[B]

It's weird. It just said. And I don't know how because I don't think you know, he. He. Because we don't make our guests listen to the first segment, so we. I don't know how he.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

All the notes said was, come From Away is the shortest Broadway musical.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And I thought, how amazing he had that knowledge. I wouldn't have pegged Paul as a person who was a musical theater fan.

[A]

Did you read the note word for word?

[B]

Yes. It says, come From Away is the shortest Broadway musical.

[A]

Okay. That's all it says.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So it's not necessarily that he wrote a note for you.

[B]

Might have just been some doodling and just a thought.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Might have just been a bunch of random words strung together that actually made sense to me.

[A]

I Didn't want to go that far. But it. It is a strange coincidence that he would have that information.

[B]

Really strange written down. But Paul knew. Paul was right. I have to. I have to give at least that to him. Yeah, I don't even know. Confirmed, perhaps. Oh, so we still confirm. You think I should confirm?

[A]

I mean, I forgot.

[B]

Okay. All right, fine. We probably should spread information. If this podcast about anything, it's never spreading misinformation and we are always right about.

[A]

We have issued corrections when necessary.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Why don't I look it up and you read the last.

[B]

Okay. All right. All right.

[A]

It's gonna take me two time for one more post.

[B]

Okay, so this. Doug, what are you doing? Sounds like you're sharpening knives, but are you still in the scratch room?

[E]

Oh, yeah. I'm sharpening my scratcher. It's gonna be a good one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It sounds like it's gonna go too deep into the skin.

[B]

Yeah, it sounds incredibly sharp. Babe, I think you're taking it too far. I think you're taking it too far. It's becoming.

[E]

I think I've gotten. Yeah. Desensitized to the. The pain.

[B]

Yes, I do. I really do.

[A]

It does sound that way.

[B]

All right. I was waiting to sneeze, but that didn't happen.

[A]

Oh, no, go ahead.

[B]

So. Well, but it's not like that.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Not like that. Burnt. Can't do it. So one thing I can't do on stage is sneeze on command.

[E]

Is that a common demand?

[B]

Well, you have to be. Be able to do anything on stage, on command. Right.

[E]

Anything.

[B]

Well, I mean, sometimes you're having to play a scene where you're sick. Sure. And you got to sneeze, but I can't do it.

[E]

It's very hard to sneeze and not.

[B]

Well, I mean, I do my best. I try.

[E]

No, I, I know, but I was wondering if it's. It's common for directors to want a true sneeze.

[B]

I think so. I think it really is. Anyways, here's the post. Here's the post, Bert. It's from Sharon. It says, it's great to be here. And then there's a little hi emoji, and it says, I'm Sharon. And my favorite spot in the neighborhood is off the boat on Cashew and Jefferson. And I, I, I'm. I'm trying to figure out which establishment Sharon is talking about. First of all, it's strange. That's the whole post.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she says it's great to be here and I guess she thought maybe she just is supposed to share her favorite place in town.

[A]

So maybe this, this has the, the, the vibe of a first NeighborHap post.

[B]

It really does.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

Because she says it's great to be here and that just seems like a strange way to introduce yourself to everybody.

[A]

It's great to be here.

[B]

It's great to be.

[A]

Here's my favorite place.

[B]

And here's my favorite place. What is she assuming will meet her there?

[A]

And also favorite place for just in general or for a specific purpose?

[B]

That's a good, that's a good question. There's a lot of follow up questions.

[A]

Here, I guess, I guess I've never thought about my favorite place generally. You know, like, of all the places I go that I enjoy, what is my attitude? Favorite place overall?

[B]

And that would tell us everything we need to know about your personality. Yeah, yeah. Now I could be wrong.

[A]

Oh, sorry. There's more.

[B]

But now, now we have the bar, which I can't quite remember the name of it now, which, which is on a gimbal that sort of simulates a boat that is rocking back and forth.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I can't remember what it's called. I can't remember what it's called. We talked about it several episodes ago.

[E]

They changed the name a lot.

[B]

So is it, is it that. Because I had heard that they were thinking of changing the bar from you just roll around to. You actually roll off into a pool and then you can get pool service.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

So they opened it, did it for the summer.

[A]

Yeah, they go, you roll off.

[B]

So it's. Yeah, so it's like, it's fun because you start off having like a normal. You have to show up in obviously like any clothing you don't mind getting wet. And everyone knows it's gonn. And they made it sort of like this is the outdoor part now. And you're on the deck and it starts, you know, all of a sudden someone starts yelling, you know, like, oh, I don't know, batting down the hedges or something. You know, something themed like that. Vaguely pirate themed. And the gimbal goes back and forth.

[E]

Hold on to your hooks, hold on.

[B]

To your hooks, hold on to your hooks. Okay.

[A]

Typical pirate themed expression.

[B]

Pirate themed stuff. And then. But then now this time everyone slides and they make you. I mean like they will get you off of that, of that, that deck.

[A]

The thing that bothers me about off the boat is that it. They serve parrot, which I think is, is it is legal here. I looked it up.

[E]

Yes, totally.

[A]

I mean, who.

[B]

Who?

[A]

I think it's parrot squab. Parrot squab.

[B]

You know, and it's. It's weird too, because it's. Because it's called. When you're eating it, they'll still have like a voice go cracker one A poly. You know, like backwards there's.

[A]

Because one of the servers will stand over.

[B]

It only does it if you're white.

[A]

It'll stand.

[B]

It's so sick. It's really sick and twisted.

[A]

It's sick. If you're a white patron there, you get served the parrot squab. The server then goes behind you. Parrot squab, the server that goes behind you. And when you put a, put a fork in it, then the server will.

[C]

Go cracker water Polly.

[A]

And then you turn around, they walk away.

[B]

They do. They do.

[A]

Now I. I have to very quickly say, oh, that in trying to find the musical with the shortest runtime.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah. That was your job.

[A]

I cannot believe how difficult this has been.

[B]

I'm glad you did it. I would. We'd have been here all day if I did.

[A]

Because you will also get results from. For the musicals with the shortest runs, which is not the same thing.

[B]

And you put in running time.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, that doesn't make sense.

[A]

You'll get that and then you'll get. Here are some of the musicals with the shortest run times. I want the absolute, the shortest Guinness time.

[B]

There was some theater nerd on Reddit that had an immediate answer to that. I'm so surprised I didn't show. Even on Reddit.

[A]

Even on Reddit you go to that and they say currently six is the shortest run time of 80 minutes.

[B]

Okay. Oh, six is this very fun. You know, it's like all the Henry VII's wives and. But it's like they're all in a girl band.

[A]

Look, that's fine, John.

[C]

Okay, but it says currently.

[A]

What is the all time one?

[B]

I know, I understand.

[A]

I mean, it's a simple question. There should be a simple answer.

[B]

It is a simple question.

[A]

No one's asking about current currently.

[B]

I'm not. And no one's. And I. And no one's arguing with you.

[A]

I'm not wrong.

[B]

Listen, I. I feel your anger. I absolutely get it.

[A]

Because every other thing that you would look up like this, you would 100 get the definitive answer right away, stat.

[B]

It would tell you who's run the most yards.

[A]

Yes. Even the dumb AI is general about it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, one of these is very short. Give me the one.

[E]

Yes, says the Original. Just Joseph in the amazing Technicolor dream coat was originally penned. Sorry, what's happening?

[B]

Well, it's just a gigantic truck with like a huge amount of boulders in the back. No, truly, you should look at it. It's insane. I don't even know how he's backing it up the street right now. It's like these gigantic. Anyway, we're gonna have to do a lot of editing here. Sorry, sorry. It was really distracting. Babe, what were you saying? Go on.

[E]

The original Broadway production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, 1982, also ran slightly shorter than 90. Joseph was originally banned by Andrew Lloyd Reber and tim Rice in 1968 and was their first musical to ever be performed. This performance happened at a boys prep school in London and was only 25 minutes long.

[B]

Okay, first of all, babe, did you think that you had to say the shortest musical in the shortest amount of time?

[A]

You really were through that, baby. Like there was a clock ticking down.

[B]

Andrew, like I've been watching.

[A]

That didn't go back to correct. Correct it.

[E]

I've been watching Micro Machines commercials.

[B]

Can you imagine being called. And what if you were born and your name was Andrew Lloyd Reber? How do you go through life?

[A]

You'd be. Well, first of all, you'd hate your parents. Doug, when you say you've been watching Micro Machines commercials. Yes. Is there a vast amount of them?

[E]

There's at least.

[B]

Quite a few.

[E]

At least three.

[A]

Okay, so you're done.

[B]

No, just re watching them over and over.

[A]

You're parceling them out.

[B]

He's got a big. He's got a big screen screen in the back. Scratch. He watches TV while he scratches.

[A]

Oh, sure, sure. Who wouldn't?

[B]

So he's got those on repeat. Okay, so we're saying that it was 25 minutes long. But that wasn't the final Joseph.

[A]

No, it wasn't.

[E]

It was the first one.

[B]

Okay. All right, well, I appreciate you looking that up, babe. I do appreciate it.

[A]

Well, it's still. We'll have to. You know what? The next episode we'll have a definitive answer.

[B]

Yeah, we will. Answers come from away in six. Seems to be sort of like the. They're in the lead right now.

[E]

You know what I feel like?

[B]

What?

[A]

What?

[E]

Eating a meat sandwich.

[A]

Noted.

[B]

All right, well, dig. I want a mitt sandwich tip.

[A]

Oh, no. Now it sounds like New Zealand. All right, we will have to wrap it up here. Thank you all for listening. If you would like to. To get ad free versions of these episodes and our entire archive. Or if you'd like to get access to our bonus episodes, you can go to cbbworld.com and sign up on the Maximus Tier and you get all that stuff. And of course, we're very excited to be going back to San Francisco sketchfest in January. January 18th, I believe. More details as we receive them. And is there anything else you can think of?

[B]

I think that's it.

[A]

I think that's it for us. Yeah. Okay. Well, thanks everybody and until next time.

[B]

Goodbye and bae, all of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[A]

The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me Paul F. Tompkins and me.

[E]

Nicole Parker and me Brett Morris.

[A]

This episode's guest was played by DJ Mousner. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[B]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free and as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maxima subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.