Free Shredding Event? with Annie Sertich

Summary

The Neighborhood Listen – Episode: “Free Shredding Event? with Annie Sertich”

Release Date: November 11, 2025
Guests: Annie Sertich as “Sharon”
Hosts: Burnt Millipede (Paul F. Tompkins), Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker), Doug (Brett Morris)

Episode Overview

In this lively installment, hosts Burnt, Joan, and Doug dive into the peculiarities and personalities of Dignity Falls via local social networking app posts. The episode centers on their guest, Sharon (Annie Sertich), whose persistent search for a “free shredding event” opens up a deep and hilarious conversation about trust, creativity, trauma, and the struggle to let go of one’s past ideas. Along the way, the hosts discuss local oddities, community events, and their ever-expanding collection of themed rooms, with the usual blend of warmth, improvisation, and off-the-wall tangents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Mystery of Dignity Falls’ Population

• The episode opens with a classic Dignity Falls dilemma: the town’s undecipherable population count due to failed censuses, “shrug emoji” results, and residents’ indifference or active efforts to avoid being counted.
  • “The first ever Dignity Falls census…they cut to the screen to unveil the number, and it was the shrug emoji.” (04:02, Burnt)
  • The hosts reminisce about creative census evasion, including “hidefromthecensus,” referencing “Home Alone” tactics and debates about how many people actually live in town.

2. Chipmunk Venom & The Expanding Tron Room

• Doug’s swollen, “cartoon”-like hand (possibly from a chipmunk bite) becomes a repeated punchline and evidence of Dignity Falls’ strange wildlife.
  • “I think it was a chipmunk…They are poisonous. People don’t realize that.” (09:55, Doug & Burnt)
  • A new “Tron Room” in the house is introduced, inspired by nostalgia for the ‘Tron’ film and Doug’s dreams of living inside a digital landscape.
  • Hilarity ensues as Doug’s chipmunk venom swelling “spreads to his biceps,” creating an arms-as-floaties visual.
  • Local cosmetic trends: Joan observes women injecting chipmunk venom to plump their lips, expressing curiosity but ethical concerns:
    • “I would love to try doing it for like, for my lips. I wouldn’t mind it. Plumpy. A chipmunk venom lip.” (20:20, Joan)

3. Ongoing Search for Gabby

• Burnt updates on his missing girlfriend Gabby, recounts her scavenger-hunt style clues, and reflects on investing more effort in the relationship.
  • “She wants to be found and she wants to make you work for it…The lesson here is I have to put in work on this relationship.” (33:29, Burnt)

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4. Featured Guest: Sharon's (Annie Sertich) Free Shredding Event Quest

Begins ~44:18

Sharon’s Backstory

• Sharon has been seeking a "free shredding event" for over a year to safely dispose of her many personal documents—primarily screenplays, plays, and journal entries.
  • “I’m an avid journaler. Lot of ideas. Lot of plays, lot of screenplay ideas. A lot of things that I just don’t think I can just throw out.” (49:47, Sharon)
• She is haunted by a childhood trauma: her writing was once stolen and publicly performed by classmates, embedding a deep mistrust in sharing or discarding ideas.
  • “They took the story, they reenacted it as a play...and they made fun of my shoes…They did a song called Flat Feet.” (64:06, Sharon)
• Unable to trust personal shredders (“the pieces aren’t small enough, someone could piece it back together…”) and resistant to burning (“a piece could fly off and someone could still find it”), Sharon’s anxiety leads her to hoard four storage lockers’ worth of writing—while being behind on taxes and offering out her Social Security number freely.

Philosophical and Comedic Explorations

• The group dissects the psychology of trust, paranoia, and the challenge of moving past personal creative history (“birthing and destroying” old ideas).
• Doug suggests she use her scripts as “decoupage” for decoration—prompting a comical debate over what that actually means.
  • “Why don’t you put them up on the wall for decoration, which you said you were bad at.” (83:15, Doug)
• Burnt and Joan urge Sharon to confront her past and “tell the truth” in writing as a means to heal and potentially let go.
• The conversation repeatedly circles around various forms of community, self-expression, and overcoming psychological hurdles to sharing one’s work.

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5. Community Posts & Eccentric Residents

• “In Search of a Walking Companion:” Dwayne, aged 82, seeks a male walking buddy. He insists on a male companion for unexplained, “very important” reasons—a deadpan Dignity Falls classic. (41:57)
• “Nuns’ Puffs:” Discussion of a neighbor selling “nuns’ puffs,” leading to speculation on religious baked goods and the sinister “nun bun.”
  • “When Tron came out, felt familiar…but isn’t it a suffix of something else? I don’t think it was a standalone word, Tron.” (96:28, group discussion on names and movies)

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6. Swelling Benadryl Side Story

• Subplot: Doug’s reaction to Benadryl for chipmunk venom becomes increasingly absurd, culminating in him passing out and waking in the Tron Room, only to continue ballooning in various body parts.
• Joan repeatedly insists Doug should be taken to urgent care; he resists in favor of continued hijinks.

---

Notable Quotes

• On Trust and Trauma:
  • “They took the story, they reenacted it as a play...and they made fun of my shoes. It's like sort of that thing in Euphoria where they do a whole play and somehow has a budget of like $30,000.” (64:06-64:38, Sharon & Joan)
• On Self-Help:
  • “I want you to go in and...look in the mirror that I know you have in your apartment...write about those women. I want you to tell the truth, and you know what? Once you tell the truth, they say it sets you free.” (87:31, Joan)
• On Dignity Falls’ Wishing Culture:
  • “If you go to a birthday party in Dignity Falls…before the person blows out the candles, there’s always a big eye roll. Even for children. And sometimes the children do the eye roll. They learn it young.” (11:08-11:21, Joan)
• On Shredding & Community Events:
  • “A free shredding event implies the existence of a paid shredding event!” (73:14, Burnt – exasperated over Sharon’s search)
• On Perspective:
  • “If I were to die tomorrow and my death went unmourned, fine.” (67:20, Burnt)

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Memorable Moments & Running Jokes

• Timestamps:
  • Census/Census Evasion: 02:35–06:11
  • Doug’s Chipmunk Bite: 08:43–10:12, recurring
  • Free Shredding Quest (Sharon interview): 44:18–91:54
  • Themed Rooms/Florida Room Debate: 63:00–63:34
  • Sharon’s Playground Trauma: 63:46–65:15
  • Trust Issues – The Decoupage Solution/Doug’s Decoupage Guess: 83:14–85:34

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Episode Flow

Light banter and local color –> mythos of Dignity Falls (population, census, “wishing situations”) –> Doug’s cartoon hand/chipmunk venom subplot –> Update on Gabby’s “hide and seek” –> Guest segment with Sharon, exploring paranoia, creativity, and the mythos of the shredding event –> Advice and comedic interventions –> Community post readings –> Benadryl/decorating misadventures & wrap-up.

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Useful for New Listeners

This episode is a showcase of “The Neighborhood Listen”’s signature blend: long-form improvised character work, surreal small-town life, and comedic empathy for even the quirkiest neighbor. Annie Sertich’s performance as Sharon anchors a hilarious but resonant exploration of creative fear, trust, and the lengths we go to protect our ideas (or avoid our own progress).

Listeners will enjoy:

• The spontaneous world-building
• The intersection of heartfelt advice and absurd comedy
• Running thematic jokes (Dignity Falls’ folkways, endless themed rooms, unique medical scenarios)
• The supportive, collaborative energy between the performers

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Episode Takeaways

• Creative vulnerability is hard, but sharing your story—warts and all—is healing.
• You’re not alone in your quirks; sometimes, all it takes is one listener who gets it.
• In Dignity Falls, even the simplest neighbor request can unveil a lifetime of nuance and eccentricity.

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Next Steps:
If you’ve ever wondered whether to throw away that old notebook, or if you just want a neighborly laugh about the foibles of small-town life, this episode is for you.
And if you need a free shredding event—keep listening. Maybe someday Dignity Falls will host one…

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[C]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[A]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[C]

Occasionally we change the names of some.

[A]

Streets and that's all you need to know to support the show and unlock the Ad free archive as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the Bonus room. Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[C]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood.

[B]

Listen.

[A]

Knock knock.

[C]

Who's there?

[A]

Your neighbor.

[C]

Good Indignity Falls. You're never alone. You've got the neighbor half AV and us Burn and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.

[A]

We'll cover it and meet new neighbors as well.

[C]

We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

[A]

Welcome once more to the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that explored the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents. How many?

[D]

A lot.

[A]

But let's narrow it down right now to just a couple. I'm one of them. My name is Bert Miapede. I'm the pharmacist in chief of the Dignity Falls Missy right here in Dignity Falls.

[C]

And with me as always, oh Joan Pedestrian. I am the top realtor here and a local actress. And it is true we have never been able to nail down exactly the population of Dignity Falls.

[A]

Isn't that Weird. There was a census a few years ago, and I remember when they were gonna announce it on the news, they said, the first ever Dignity Falls census. And you know, the two anchors, you know, the screen is behind them and they say, you know, they chat for a bit about how exciting this is gonna be.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And it was the guy on Channel B, Steve Sherpa. Steve Sherpa. I don't watch Channel B right now.

[C]

No, Channel B is weird, frankly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you know what's weird about it is they actually make a cardboard cutout of a TV screen. Yes, but, like, they are on tv. Yes, but it's like a cartoon screen. And I don't know why they did. They're doing like a children's show, like, news for children.

[A]

I don't understand it. And they don't acknowledge it. And it's really strange.

[C]

It's very strange.

[A]

And then at the end of the broadcast, Steve Sherpa reaches through the cardboard screen and he pretends to turn the drawn on knob.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

But anyway, so, you know, it's him and it's Angela Prestone, and they're talking about, oh, the census has never been done before. We're finally gonna know. And then they cut to the screen to unveil the number, and it was the shrug emoji.

[C]

Yeah. So the first time they tried to do it was indifference. The second time was, remember hide from the census. So everybody was.

[A]

I forgot about hidefromthecensus.

[C]

It was like the purge, but the opposite. Everyone was inside and no one want to be outside. No one want to be counted.

[A]

Yeah. So the indifference One was in 1975.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Where people just said.

[C]

Which also let us just state that, yes, we were the first people to have emojis back in the 70s. Had an emoji first.

[A]

Yes. We didn't call it an emoji, of course.

[C]

No, no.

[A]

We called it a glyph. We called it a rune. But I remember that the census takers were going door to door, and then they would start asking the questions and people. The most common response was nah. And then they would just slowly.

[C]

The door. Yeah. Or they just go, I'm not here. You know, and they'd be like.

[A]

While they were looking.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Sometimes at the door, they would, like, look at the person and go, not here.

[C]

No one's home. Other people try to do pull a home alone. Or like, they pretended like there were 20 people having a party, you know, and it was just a bunch of cutouts of, like, Michael Jordan and, like.

[A]

Strings.

[C]

To throw off the number even more, you know, like, it's like, okay, there's not only nobody here. There's more than. There's more people. There's not there to pretending there's more people here, you know, so we really. I think they just gave up, honestly.

[A]

They did give up for a long while. Yes.

[C]

So. I don't know. I think we should try it again. I would love to know how many people are here. What's your. Take a stab at it. What would you guess? Burn.

[A]

It's got to be between two.

[C]

It's got to be between.

[A]

Well, I was going to add more.

[C]

Between 275 thousand. Okay. That's a big. That's a wide range.

[A]

Yeah, but you gotta admit, 75,000. It's gotta be between that.

[C]

I feel like there's more people. I don't know. Indignity Falls, I guess.

[A]

Indignity Falls proper.

[C]

Probably not.

[A]

Not talking about Dignity Flats.

[C]

Dignity Badlands.

[A]

Well, the Badlands. Oh, my God. Can you imagine if they tried to do a census on the Badlands?

[C]

We haven't talked about the Badlands.

[A]

Don't really talk about the Badlands. It's a very scary part of Dignity Falls.

[C]

If you're picturing Mad Max, it's kind of not far off.

[A]

Ye.

[C]

It is. People.

[A]

Do. You know, I revisited the Mad Max movies not long ago.

[C]

Did you?

[A]

Yeah, I did. And the first one, it's funny because it. It seems to take place 10 minutes into the apocalypse. Like, there's still businesses and stuff. There's stores.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know.

[C]

Yeah. Things are bad, right?

[A]

They're not great.

[C]

Is it the thing where, like, someone's getting their coffee but they're not paying attention? That on tv, it's like, oh, there's a meteor, or, look at this. You know, I always hate it when they do that. I hate it when they do that.

[A]

That seems very specific. And I don't know what you mean.

[C]

There's so many movies and shows like that. Are you serious? You know, like, where someone's at.

[A]

Like, that's serious, Joan.

[C]

Someone's at, like, a bar and they're having a great time, and then no one's paying attention that, you know, there's like, a terrible tragedy happening that seems like alien spacecraft, and yet no one's like, hey, look at that. Which is what reality would be, is that everyone would see it on their phones first.

[A]

Well, of course, we're all just glued to our screens.

[C]

But this is not a movie podcast. I just have to say that because already we started talking about movies.

[A]

Okay, but then you just mentioned movies. I don't think we have to. You know, we're not discussing a specific film.

[C]

Maybe we kind of discussed it a little bit. Did you watch the second one? The Tina Turner one? Did you revisit that one?

[A]

The third one.

[C]

Oh, it's the third one.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Oh, I forgot. What's the second one?

[A]

The second one is just Mad Max 2. The Road Warrior.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

And then 3 is beyond Thunderdome.

[C]

That's it. Beyond Thunderdome.

[A]

Then we take a break.

[C]

For a long time.

[A]

For a long time. And then we have Mad Max 2.

[C]

Charlie's trying to shave her head.

[A]

Yes. Which you know what? Because when you see Mad Max Fury Road, you have in your mind, because it had been such a long time, you're like, oh, yeah, this is what the Mad Max world is. And then when you see the first one, you think, oh, these guys, they have no idea how bad it's gonna get.

[C]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It just. Unfortunately, when you started talking, all I could hear was Elizabeth McGovern saying, oh, Max, you're such fury. You have such fury.

[A]

You're in a fury road.

[C]

Why are you in such a fury road? You're gonna get a fever.

[A]

Stop being so furious.

[B]

Mad Martigan.

[A]

So furiosa. Mad Martigan. Right on. That is our engineer, Doug.

[C]

Hey, babe.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Oh, hey.

[C]

You are peppy today.

[B]

I am. I just took Benadryl.

[C]

Oh, okay. So here's the thing. Yeah. Doug has a crazy. Listen, he didn't tell me that something happened to his hand yesterday.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

And here's why. Because he had on his left hand. I'll let him explain what happened, but he just. He held up his hand. He was like, hey, look, babe. It's like, I have a cartoon hand. And he was so excited. This thing he looks like, you know, it's like a Thanos glove at this point. It's literally huge. And he's excited about it. And I was like, you need to take Benadryl. You know, instead of looking at how cool it is, you need to actually, you know, like, treat it with a medicine.

[A]

I'm picturing because of the two images so fast. I'm picturing Mickey Mouse with Thanos hands.

[C]

Why?

[A]

We said a cartoon hand.

[C]

You're picturing the white glove.

[A]

Yeah, but it's Thanos style.

[C]

He's like.

[A]

It's a big gauntlet.

[C]

Olive. Humanity.

[A]

What was his point?

[C]

It's so dumb.

[B]

That goatee. Why did he have a goatee?

[A]

He uses his chin.

[C]

I think it was Just a big.

[B]

Chin, but it looks like it's designed as a goatee.

[A]

I never got that impression.

[C]

You never got it.

[B]

I think you're wrong.

[C]

You think if he shaved, he'd have a teeny little chin?

[A]

Do you think if you made a fork groove and mashed potatoes, you'd be like, look, a goatee.

[B]

Like Close Encounters.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

So. What. Actually, what do you think it is that bit you, babe?

[B]

I think it was a chipmunk.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They are poisonous. People don't realize that.

[B]

People don't. And they say they're poisonous, but they've never bit a human before.

[A]

Yeah, well, they're too fast.

[C]

I feel like they never stick around long enough. How did one bite you? What were you doing?

[B]

I was reaching into the tree. Into the hole in the tree.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Were you leaving presents for the kids, Radley style?

[B]

Well, I was seeing if there's a present in there.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

As I say, it's like a. You know, a wishing situation.

[C]

It's a wishing situation.

[A]

Oh, that's what they say. Yeah.

[C]

You know, one of those wishing situations.

[B]

If you wish hard enough and you reach in there, you know, there might.

[C]

Be something we don't.

[A]

Sorry.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

You don't wish for anything specific. You just wish that something will be in there.

[B]

Yeah, it should be a surprise.

[C]

Diggity Falls. Patrons. Citizens. Citizens.

[A]

City.

[B]

Cities.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Dignity Falls. Citizens.

[B]

The dignitaries.

[C]

We're pretty cynical about wishes. So it's like, we don't have wishing wells. We just have wishing situations where it's like.

[A]

That is kind of a regional identity. We are pretty cynical about wishes.

[C]

About wishes. We're like, maybe, you know, I mean, when we go to blow candles, most of the time people just say, forget it. Don't even bother.

[A]

If you go to a birthday party in Dignity Falls, after the song is sung, when. Before the person blows out the candles, there's always a big eye roll.

[C]

Yes, there is. Even for children. And sometimes the children do the eye roll. They learn it young. You learn it young.

[A]

Absol.

[B]

And then you all say together sometimes. What are you gonna wish for? Infinite wishes.

[C]

And that's hard to get in unison. Cause that's a long phrase.

[A]

I never thought of that in a birthday cake situation. I only thought of it in a genie situation.

[C]

That's true. So you were hoping for maybe a wishing situation in the tree? In the hollow. And did you see the chipmunk?

[B]

No.

[C]

So why do you think it's a chipmunk rummaging around?

[B]

Well, I heard. I heard the sort of Squeaky, you know, Sounds of a chipmunk.

[C]

Sometimes Doug actually thinks that you sound like Chip and Dale.

[A]

Like.

[C]

And I think he probably imagined he heard something like that sometimes.

[A]

The chipmunks that I liked better.

[C]

Which one?

[A]

They were gophers. The goofy gophers from the Warner Brothers cartoons. And they were very polite to each other.

[C]

Oh, I think I remember.

[A]

After you.

[C]

Oh, they were adorable.

[A]

They were great.

[C]

They were great. Yeah. They were better than.

[B]

We don't have to rank them.

[C]

You don't want to.

[A]

But I remember there was one where there was some wood shavings and it looked like a sort of wig. And the one put it on its head and said, who am I making like? Who am I making like? And then did, like, a little Shirley Temple impression. Who am I making like, who am I making like.

[C]

That is delightful.

[B]

I'm reminded. Remember when the twins. They played me Alvin and the Chipmunks slowed down?

[C]

Oh, they did? Yes.

[B]

For a week.

[C]

It's like you're never shaken from the depths of hell. It's a terrible sound. It's a terrible sound.

[A]

What was it again?

[C]

It was slowed down versions of the Chipmunks, like, Alvin and.

[B]

Yeah. So you hear, apparently, how they really recorded it.

[A]

Yeah. When Dave gets mad.

[C]

He is.

[A]

He sounds like a monster.

[C]

He is.

[A]

He sounds like a wraith from beyond the grave who's come to claim Alvin's soul.

[C]

Oh, wow. Yes. Terrifying. So, yeah.

[B]

Benad's hitting.

[C]

Okay, good.

[A]

Wait, what did the twins do? Oh, they would play the. The. Slowed down.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Which is normal speed. They record it at normal speed.

[A]

So the chipmunks themselves sounded normal, but then Dave sounded insane.

[C]

Terrifying. Is that what you're saying, babe? Is that not what you were saying?

[B]

No, that's not what I'm saying.

[A]

Are you okay?

[C]

I think he's. The Benadryl is hitting. I do think he's never really had Benadryl before.

[B]

You grow up with Alvin and Chipmunks. They sound the way they sound. And then you're told later that they actually sped up the tape. And that was just, you know, a barbershop quartet singing.

[A]

A barbershop quartet.

[B]

Normal or, you know, trio.

[C]

Did you say quartet?

[A]

I don't think I did. I hope I didn't.

[B]

Barbershop trio.

[C]

Well, we have.

[A]

I don't. I don't know that there's a configuration of barbershop singing other than quartet.

[C]

I think that's the only one.

[A]

I think it's just acapella trios that.

[B]

Well, just four chairs in the barbershop yes, exactly.

[C]

Well, there's also four parts that a person can. That you know, that they can sing.

[A]

But why. But why is there not a barbershop trio? I guess is the question.

[C]

I understand. I understand what the question is. I just do you don't want to talk about it?

[B]

You know what?

[A]

Understood.

[B]

I don't really.

[C]

I want to get back to how you're feeling, babe. Okay. Because. And also there's going to be listeners that are going to come for us and say that shipbunks are not poisonous. They're venomous. Because you can't say that.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[C]

Unless you're talking about the fact that some of their fur sometimes if. If it's top. If you touch. You touch the skin or the fur. Is it. Is it poisonous?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

The demi false chipmunks are.

[C]

Their fur is poisonous.

[B]

I think they have venom in there.

[C]

They have venom in their teeth and they can get it into you. And that's what you think happens.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And my were the teeth marks adorable.

[B]

They're very cute.

[C]

Okay, and you're probably right, it's probably chipmunk then.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can we get back to the Alvin and the Chipmunks? Oh, sure. Alvin.

[C]

Let's not worry about him too much.

[A]

He's pre roasting me because really loopy. You know what? I'm gonna add that.

[C]

Oh really?

[A]

I may have said Alvin, but I met Alvin.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

So you. You were. You were told.

[B]

Simon. Theodore.

[A]

Simon. Theodore. And the other one. Alvin.

[C]

Alvin.

[A]

He really left my brain completely. So Alvin, Simon and Theodore, the Chipmunks, when they are recorded, they are people that are speaking and singing at a.

[C]

Normally, I believe. Yes, I believe so.

[A]

But then it's sped up to make them sound like little woodland creatures.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Okay, and then. And continue from there.

[B]

The twins found the original versions.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And we don't know how. And they knew it would torment.

[C]

We're skip past that part. They knew it would torment you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. But why would it torment you?

[C]

But you would only hear just regular men singing. It was just Dave. Is that correct?

[B]

Dave?

[A]

Dave would be the one who would end up slowed down.

[C]

Yes, he would have been slowed down. And that's the part that was creepy, right?

[B]

That's not the part that was creepy.

[C]

Well then it was. Okay. What was it?

[B]

Just the magic dispelling in front of your very eyes. What hearing just regular. Regular people sing these songs that meant so much in the Alvin Chipmunk's voice.

[C]

The spelling is That a game that people play.

[A]

Amazements, Magic, dispelling.

[C]

Oh, I thought you said magic. The spelling, the magic, dispelling.

[A]

Do we all have hearing issues?

[C]

I'm gonna be honest. I gave myself a shot of Benadryl just for fun. It's just. I just wanted to spice things up a little bit today. I was feeling a little slow, so I'm feeling a little loose. You know what I mean? It's pretty fun. You want to hit? You want some?

[A]

No, I'm.

[C]

Bubblegum flavor. Come on.

[A]

Burn. That's. Okay. Well, a little bit.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

There's, like, bubble gum inside for everyone.

[C]

I see. So you're talking about just simply hearing that they weren't the Chipmunks was just disturbing to you?

[B]

Ordinary men in the 60s or whatever. It was recorded singing. I'm sorry. So sorry.

[C]

Is that what the Chipmunks sang?

[A]

Oh, I only remember the Hula Hoop song.

[C]

Yeah. You mean the Christmas one.

[A]

Yes. I own. I hope that's right. Me, I want a Hula Hoop. But you were an adult man when the children did this. When the children did this.

[C]

Of course. We're talking about my twins. My twins, Matt and I can't believe it's not Matt. Yes.

[A]

How do they hunt down these rare recordings?

[C]

Yeah, I want. That's what I want to know.

[B]

Who knows?

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Not you.

[B]

Maybe they found it in the wishing tree.

[A]

Maybe they found them in the wishing tree.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Anyways, Doug is in the Tron room today.

[A]

The Tron Room. Now, does that mean what I think it means? It's a black room with a lot of glowing lines. A lot of glowing lines that no one finds interesting.

[C]

Now, here's the thing I really love. I was a fan of Tron when I was a kid. I did. I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it for some reason.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I thought the suits were cool. I thought there was a ride at Disneyland where you would go through a room and it kind of looked like you were, you know, on the grid.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Right. I feel like Master Control Program. Yes. Mcp. And I know that Doug loves the idea.

[A]

It was a big handle.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, when you. If you go back and look at it, it's very simplistic, but it worked on me. And then they got rid of that because, like, as you know, I spent quite a bit of time in California from, you know, from here to there and from here to there as you. And. And so I just thought, well, we have all these other rooms. Why not have a Tron Room? And also, I know that Doug Loves the idea of, like, getting sucked into a video game. I mean, that's why he was so excited about his hand. His Wreck It Ralph hand. He was. I know. That's kind of why he had the idea to do this in the first place. How's it looking, babe? Is it doing any better?

[B]

Can you see the room or the.

[C]

Well, both.

[B]

Your hand and the room both strangely weightless. Like, it actually feels like it's float. It's lifting up.

[A]

It's filled with air.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like it's lighter than air.

[B]

Yeah. Which could be the chipmunks.

[A]

Could be the chipmunk venom.

[C]

Yeah, could be the chipmunk venom. I have heard that some local women are injecting the chipmunk venom into their cheeks.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Why? I know, I know. It's a thing. You know, everyone's getting all like, I told you, it's never. I was the one who got shut down for wanting to get the total face change. But listen, now everyone. Everyone and their neighbor is doing this kind of stuff.

[A]

Well, you're not gonna do that, are you, Joan?

[C]

You know, I would love to try doing it for like, for my lips. I wouldn't mind that. I wouldn't mind it. Plumpy. A chipmunk venom lip.

[A]

It always looks so good. I gotta admit, when people get those lip plumpers I got.

[C]

Well, I don't wanna do the ducks riffle every time. I don't want it when they're sticking out too far. You literally almost duck, Bill. Well, there's fillers and then there's venom and. But it's really hard to come by. And they haven't figured out a way how to extract it without being cruel. So that's why. That's why I'm not going to do it right now. They haven't found a safe way to do it.

[A]

How do they do it now?

[C]

They, they, they. They literally. Well, they traumatize it out of them and they. And they spend a lot of. They will, they, they will get to know these chipmunks and find out what their specific trauma is. It's kind of like that Nathan Fielder show.

[B]

They abandoned them at a certain point.

[C]

They set up these elaborate situations and scenarios, you know, right. And hire actors and, you know, it's a whole thing to like, get them into the exact spot that relives that drama that they went through. And then I would.

[A]

I would assume they all. They would all have pretty. Pretty much the same traumas.

[C]

Chipmunks have a bigger.

[A]

A bigger animal. The end. The end.

[B]

Falling out of A tree.

[A]

You know what? Good one. Sure.

[C]

So, wait, how does the room look right now? Like, is it going to be the old school or is it going to be like the newer movies?

[B]

I haven't seen the new one yet.

[C]

The new movie.

[A]

What are you waiting for?

[C]

It's pretty old. Even the new one's old now. That came out forever ago.

[A]

Is there a marked difference between the aesthetics of the original Tron and the current Tron?

[C]

I think so. A little bit. I mean, just like, the technology was much better. Right. And the suits were. Were, I think, sexier. Although they're pretty sexy back in the day.

[A]

What?

[C]

He looked good.

[A]

I forgot about Bruce Box.

[C]

How can you forget about that name? Is there a better name than Bruce Boxleitner?

[A]

Box, lightner, scarecrow and Mrs. King?

[C]

Was that what he was into?

[A]

I believe so.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I think so. You're right, Johnny.

[B]

I used to wear a bike helmet.

[C]

A bike helmet? Yeah. They do kind of look like they're wearing bike helmets. Well, I mean, because they ride those.

[A]

Those. They're riding light bikes.

[C]

Oh, they're so cool.

[A]

Light cycles.

[C]

Light cycles. That's what it's called.

[D]

So fun.

[C]

Are you gonna put a light cycle in there? Like a peloton? Yeah, for me to work out on.

[A]

Just sit on it and you don't do anything.

[B]

Well, you want the movie playing on the peloton screen?

[C]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Sounds good to me.

[C]

He's not doing well.

[A]

I don't think hanging on my throttle.

[C]

Sounds good to me.

[B]

I already. It was so. I mean, one of my dreams, which I already was, starting with the Internet room. Do you remember this?

[C]

Oh, I remember the Internet room.

[B]

I always loved the idea of being in cyberspace. The way they promised the future to us was we become sort of avatars within, but they. A virtual space. And we float around and we enter the library within cyberspace.

[A]

Weren't they always. I don't know. That they were promising us that so much as saying this would be bad if this happened.

[C]

I think that was a cautionary tale always.

[B]

Oh, there's a word for that. What is that?

[C]

For a cautionary tale.

[B]

For a cautionary tale that people take. They just start making it happen.

[A]

Oh, I know what you mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. It's like the Matrix. The Matrix? You're not supposed to want the Matrix to be real, but people are trying to make it real.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Oh, I don't know what you're talking about.

[B]

There is a term for that.

[A]

You've never heard of this?

[C]

I'm not sure I have.

[A]

Well, you know, in Dignity Falls, there's these. What are they called? They're, like, called goo caves, where, you know, you go there and you get in some, like, tub filled with goo, they glue like a cable onto the back of your neck and they tell you you're powering a grid.

[C]

What? Bert, you're blowing my mind. I've not heard of the goo caves.

[A]

I can't. It's such a stupid thing.

[C]

Well, I feel stupid because I can't believe it's not. Mad has been telling me about goo caves for a while now, and I just keep on shutting him down because, you know, it sounds like something he would make up.

[A]

No, that's true. He does lie a lot, but this time he's bang on.

[C]

And he lies a lot about being Matt. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And I can never tell since obviously they're twins. So I just don't trust anything he says.

[A]

And again, they are not identical twins, but they are fraternal twins who look identical.

[C]

I really thought he was. He was just full of it about the goo caves. And now I'm wondering just how far. How far down this goes. I mean, does everyone know about this? Am I the only one?

[A]

I mean, I.

[C]

Have you been.

[A]

I don't know how to answer that question. I have not been.

[C]

Well, to be fair, I asked a few.

[A]

I don't like to be in goo. And, you know, ever since, you know, when we used to work at CVS and there was a. We got this big shipment of that gel that doctors use for ultrasound, and somebody said, you know, and they wouldn't take it back. And so.

[C]

They wouldn't take it back. Yes, have to use it all.

[A]

They said, it's your problem now. And it's like, well, we don't really. This is not something that we have. That we have use of at the pharmacy. And one of the guys at the pharmacy said, why don't we do, like, instead of a foam party, we'll do a goo party. A goo party. And so we, you know, it was after hours at the pharmacy.

[C]

It was the team.

[A]

And yes, it was the team. The whole gang was there. And we turned the lights down, we put on these, you know, cool party lights, and we just all got in the pharmacy. In the pharmacy.

[C]

Doesn't feel like it was sanitary, especially given all the things that are there, you know, like, how did you keep things clean?

[A]

Well, we didn't do it behind the glass. We did it out in the store area.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You know, who Cares about that stuff.

[C]

Sure. There's already so many blood stains on that carpet.

[A]

Yes. And so we all got slathered up in that goo and it was just so uncomfortable.

[C]

It sounds terrible.

[A]

Yeah. Because we were in our clothes.

[C]

Oh, well, my God. The goo thing is that that stuff is really terrible and it's always cold. And if you're a lady, you just know it's the worst thing to do.

[B]

Why is it always cold?

[C]

I don't know. I wish it was. I don't know. If it helps conduct. It helps the ultrasound camera. I have no idea.

[B]

They always warn you as if it's extra cold today.

[C]

They do. They always just say it's going to be a little cold.

[A]

Like it's a pool right now.

[D]

Burnt.

[C]

We haven't talked about you yet. How are you doing? And how's Gabby?

[A]

I'm well. Gabby's condition remains unknown to me. I have not found her.

[C]

Are you still haven't found her? This has been weeks and weeks and weeks. Burn.

[A]

She's really hiding. Well, she's been giving me clues.

[C]

I mean, she thinks there was a census out going on the way she's hiding.

[A]

Yeah, she's really. She's just really elusive. But she does drop me these clues and, you know, I'll go to a place where I think she might be and then there will be.

[C]

Could you give us an example of the clues I'm gonna call? Such as?

[A]

No, it's going to.

[C]

Oh, okay. Just wanted to make sure I was gonna get what I wanted.

[A]

I absolutely was going to. I promise. So I'll get to a place where I think she is.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And I will look around and try to see is anything out of place, Is there anything where it shouldn't be? Is there something that wouldn't normally be there. Would be there. So, like, I go to an alley and, you know.

[C]

Because the clue led you to an alley.

[A]

No. No. Well, this is.

[C]

What Seaburned. This is why. Now, I don't regret inter. Interrupting.

[A]

But you have to understand, it started with no clues, so I had to just guess where's the place that she might be hiding?

[C]

But you said she'll leave me clues and then I'll go to this place. What? I'm just trying to understand. She's making me crazy.

[A]

I'm trying to understand.

[C]

She's making me crazy. Not yet.

[A]

She's making you crazy?

[C]

Yes. I don't like that she's not being specific with her clues.

[A]

Here's what happens. No clues at first.

[C]

No clues at first.

[A]

So the first place I went was to the fire station. The one that's up on the big hill.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[A]

And because she doesn't. That's not her base anymore, but it used to be when we first met.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And so I would go up there because I would visit her on her lunch break, and we would go down into the sort of storage basement, and we'd, like, have a little picnic there and then. Penetrative sex sometimes.

[C]

I knew that was coming. I knew that was coming. Well, we're adults, Bert. Why do you always have to say it that way? Why do you always have to say penetrating?

[A]

What's wrong with that?

[C]

Is that all sex?

[A]

What do you want to call it? I'm trying to be genteel.

[C]

I feel like that defines what it is.

[A]

That's not all sex.

[C]

The penetrating part. Okay, fine. We can get into it. I don't want to get mired in the goo of sex.

[A]

But you're not doing it.

[B]

Well, that's a much worse way of putting it. That is much.

[A]

That's worse than penetrative.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Admired in the goose. Admired in the goose.

[C]

So pissed.

[B]

Is that the firehouse?

[C]

Followed by penetrator.

[A]

It's like standing in the shadows of love.

[B]

Is that the firehouse with the moat around it?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I went there, and I was like, well, she's not here. And then I looked around, I was like, wait a minute. That brick seems out of place.

[C]

A brick seems loose on the wall.

[A]

Okay, so I pull the brick out. I pull the brick.

[B]

Brick out.

[A]

And then there's a little. And then there's a note in there. There's a note in there that will say something cryptic like, interesting guess, but not as interesting as where I am now. It's a place you've been before but have never seen.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

I'm like, what does that. How do I. A place I've been before, but I've never seen.

[C]

Well, so you were blindfolded when you were there, or you sleepwalked there?

[A]

I was unconscious.

[C]

You were unconscious. Oh. Oh, I didn't know you had. Okay, fine. Great. I'll let you.

[A]

It took me a while to figure it out. Out.

[B]

Well, you were unconscious in the hospital.

[C]

Is this when you ate that you had the. Had the tuna allergy where you realized that it made you.

[A]

I had a tuna allergy.

[C]

Magnetic.

[A]

And it made me magnetic.

[C]

It made everything. No, it made you unmagnetic. Right. It made you repel everything. Exactly.

[A]

It may be unmagnetic. Maybe repel all Metals. So I was unconscious when I was brought there and I was unconscious when I left.

[B]

So you woke up.

[C]

So you went to the hospital?

[D]

I went.

[A]

This is what I was told.

[C]

You were told to go to the hospital?

[A]

No, I was told that I was taken to the hospital.

[C]

Oh, I'm saying when you were figured out the clue, you went to the hospital.

[A]

Oh, yes. I'm sorry.

[C]

Fine. This is. But real quick, this has been really a lot of work.

[B]

You came to on the curb, like, in the wheelchair. I came to.

[A]

Back in my apartment. Back in your apartment, yes. And what happened was they gave me a shot of whatever, but I seemed so peaceful. They didn't wanna wake up me up.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So they took me in an ambulance, quiet ambulance. Back to my apartment.

[B]

That's nice.

[C]

We voted on a measure to have quiet ambulances at Dignity Falls because everyone got so tired of it. People were really stressed out about it, and so they just decided that you could still have the lights. Yes, you could still have the lights.

[B]

And I like how it goes.

[A]

Just shh.

[C]

What goes, babe?

[B]

The siren.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's just a hush.

[A]

There is something that. Whether it's the full siren or the hush, there is something that's very solemn about when you pull over to let an ambulance pass, that everybody does it. You know what I mean? There's something about that moment I find very moving.

[C]

I agree with you. I do think that. I do think that. I hate it when people don't do it. There's. Every once in a while, there's that one person. It's probably like that guy Kieran from the last episode ran through that. Kieran who ran through that stop sign. He probably doesn't pull over for them.

[A]

Hey, Doug, have you heard from Jim Skew?

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Has gym skills.

[B]

I haven't seen him. I think he was really upset by that last.

[A]

No, that's too bad.

[C]

He shouldn't be. He's the one who left you on a ladder. All right, so, Burton, I just want to say, first of all, that's some pretty crazy connectivity you have to her brain that you're coming out. You're pulling these clues out of nowhere. I don't know. The fact that you went there and you were correct, I feel like. It makes me feel like there's hope for you. Because if you guys are that close and she's going to that much trouble to be found, she wants to be found and she wants to make you work for it. I don't know what the lesson is. You're supposed to learn here.

[A]

But she's enjoying the game.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And I have to say, I am too.

[C]

Oh, okay. Well then guess what?

[A]

It is frustrating. I do miss her terribly.

[C]

I'm sure.

[A]

But I do think that the lesson here is I have to put in work on this relationship.

[C]

I do think that is a good takeaway.

[B]

Are there any clues you're working on now?

[C]

Ooh, good question, babe.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Yes, you're welcome. So the last place I went was the abandoned amusement park where we had our third date.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And that was where we walked through all of the defunct dark rides.

[C]

Oh, sure.

[A]

With a flashlight.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And then if you know, I presume. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, no, you're gonna say it too.

[A]

We got mired in the goo.

[B]

And.

[A]

So I found there was in the mouth of a. One of those creatures that was in there in like this, the spook house or whatever. You know, you go through that thing. It was supposed to be scary. And one was just, you know, there's like. There's like a wolf man, there's a vampire, and then there's a very long ride. And then at the end there's a guy who his political dreams got crushed.

[C]

That's the final room, right? Yeah.

[A]

The guy with the campaign button.

[C]

I remember this ride. It was like 37 minutes long.

[A]

Long. Yes.

[C]

Crazy. Yeah.

[A]

20 minutes. Are that guy explaining who he is. He goes through the whole history of this made up campaign.

[C]

Yeah. You also have to be really tall to ride that ride. Very strange.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

They have a high requirement.

[C]

Well, they do for lots of rides, but for that it makes no sense because it goes like two miles an hour.

[A]

Yeah. But they. You have to be. You have to be 6 foot and above.

[C]

So the only way a lot of people have ever seen this ride is going to it when it was abandoned.

[A]

Abandoned. Yes, that's right.

[C]

I think that's why the park shut down, because they had these crazy requirements.

[A]

Yeah. One was you had to be so small.

[C]

So small people would just put pets on the ride. There was one that was basically just.

[A]

Cats, which was kind of fun, but they did not enjoy it. It was fun to watch.

[C]

It was the sure was. Especially the part where it spun.

[A]

It spun.

[C]

It's fun.

[A]

That's right. It did not do a loop to loop. It just spun.

[C]

Spinning cats. Okay. So yes.

[A]

Inside the breast pocket of the failed politician's jacket, there was a note that said, when I am here, I am not family.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Instead I come as a stranger and leave even stranger than that.

[C]

Okay, the first part, obviously, I Feel like is about Olive Garden.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Stranger things.

[A]

Well, but Olive Garden, when you're there.

[C]

You are family, right? So it's like it's either the antithesis of Olive Garden, which would be what?

[B]

Prune factory.

[A]

Doug, you may have cracked it. The prune factory.

[C]

Now, when it is not a popular restaurant in Dignity Falls, but do go.

[A]

There as a stranger.

[C]

You go. There's a stranger, you go there and you leave.

[A]

Stranger. Then you arrive, which you get half a breadstick. Yes. There are severely limited breadsticks.

[C]

That's what it's called.

[A]

Severely limited breadsticks. Ceilinged breadsticks. They're not bottomless. One a month. Yeah, one a month. So if you go to the restaurant twice.

[B]

Twice.

[C]

It's only open from. It's only.

[A]

You had your breadstick.

[C]

It's only open from 3 to 6 because the patrons are also old.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. 3am to 6am.

[C]

3Am to six a.m. that's when you're in need of the prune factory. For sure.

[A]

So they get up, the oldies get up, they have breakfast there.

[C]

Yep. That's okay to call them the oldies, right? Yeah, okay, sure. Well, babe, maybe you have cracked it, but how long have we been talking? I feel like maybe we should need to take a break and get to our guests.

[B]

Oh, this hurts my hand.

[A]

Oh, babe, could you use the other one maybe?

[B]

Well, I'm using that one to lift this one up.

[C]

Oh, that's not good.

[A]

Wait, so I'm sorry, you're using your good hand to pilot the bad hand?

[B]

Yeah, because I can't use my bad hand to lift the weight.

[C]

Is it heavy?

[A]

Why can't you use.

[C]

I know.

[A]

I never realized this was a two handed job.

[B]

I have to keep this bad hand above my heart.

[A]

Heart.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Or else it starts turning necrotic.

[A]

Oh, it starts turning, but then if you raise it back up, it goes back to normal.

[B]

Yeah, it's kind of fun to see that. I'm like a chameleon.

[C]

I don't think it's fun at all. I think we need to take you to an urgent care pretty soon.

[A]

Yeah, pretty soon.

[C]

Pretty soon.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But first, our guest.

[A]

Well, listeners, we apologize and we'll be back when the Neighborhood Listen returns. 10, 9, 8. The countdown is on. Holiday shopping season is officially here. Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high quality finds you won't see anywhere else. Don't wait. It sickens me to think of you waiting. The most meaningful gifts get scooped up fast. Don't I Know it. And now's the perfect time to cross names off your list. Christmas gift buying list. I don't know what else you're into. That's your business. I'm not encouraging you to do anything like that. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique and often handmade or made in the U.S. many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind. Let me tell you something. I went on Uncommon Goods on their website to find something for myself because that's how I buy gifts for me. And I got this pair of socks. Do you remember the old Give a Hoot, don't Pollute campaign with Woodsy the owl? And this pair of socks has Woodsy on there. Yes, it says give a hoot, don't pollute. They look really nice. It's like also a nice shade of. It's almost like a butter, like a light butter. And they're comfortable as hell. I just wore them for the first time the other day. Loved them. Got some compliments. Anyway, you're not here to tell about my life. Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. From moms and dads to kids and teens. All of them. From book lovers, history buffs and die hard football fans to foodies, mixologists and avid gardeners, you'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. Hence the name Uncommon Goods. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches, so shop now before they sell out this holiday season. So don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush and then feel the rush. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com TNL that's UncommonGoods.com TNL for 15% off Uncommon Goods. We are all out of the ordinary. Hello, this is Dwayne. This should go in the In Search of section. Walk together. I'm an 82 year old male and I'm looking for a male walking companion. So we might encourage each other to get a little more exercise. 30 minutes more or less, once or twice a day. If you are an interested male or know a male who might be interested, call me at beep. I don't want to give out my number on the recording. Just males, please. Males. It's very important. It has to be a male and the reasons for that are my own. I don't need to explain myself to you and you don't need to hear Any explanations from me. So that's that all tied up on both ends. I'm just. It's a simple request. Just looking for a male to walk with me because I'm. I'm also a male, and I. I walk in a male way, so it makes sense to have a male. Now, look, I'm explaining myself and I said I wouldn't do that. And I won't do it any. Any again. I won't do it any again. Male. And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen. Well, Joan, it's that time. We have a guest right here at the kitchen island.

[C]

We do. And it's weird. I'm sitting astride you. Is that what you say? Astride? You're sitting Dave, Something like that made you. It was like, suggestive to you.

[A]

Well, it sounds extremely suggestive.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[A]

What do you think you're trying to say?

[C]

We normally sit across from each other at the kitchen island here.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And because we've accidentally touched a feature. Feet underneath it. And it's always really shocking for you. I tried something different today because I didn't want to do that.

[A]

So you're sitting next to me.

[C]

I'm sitting next to you. But it feels even weirder. But that you don't say astride.

[A]

No, astride is. You would be on top of me like astride a horse.

[C]

Oh, sorry. Well, then isn't there a specific word other than beside next to.

[A]

Akin to.

[C]

Just for the record of everybody, I am not. I am not straddling Berndt. Okay. I'm not straddling him.

[B]

Take more. The Benadryl.

[C]

I did. We did shots all around.

[A]

We did do Benadryl shots. We did do Benadryl shots.

[B]

My swelling is spread, babe.

[C]

How's that possible?

[B]

Now it's on both of my sort of biceps.

[C]

No.

[B]

So it looks kind of like floaties.

[A]

Okay, that's interesting.

[B]

I think I'm about going for a dip.

[C]

Okay. I would not go in a pool right now. Okay, Continue. Burnt. Sorry about that. I'm just sitting next to him. Everybody calm down. Yes, but it is weird.

[A]

Okay, so we do have a guest. And if you have. Here's what we do for every episode. We comb the Neighborhap, the social networking application devoted to neighborhoods. We look for interesting people in our neighborhood to talk to, help them amplify their message, ask them questions about something that doesn't make sense, what have you. And if you see a post that you think we maybe should invite the person on to talk to, why don't you screenshot that post and send it to us@burtonandjoanmail. Now this one is interesting.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

This. I found this post. This is. This is.

[B]

And I.

[A]

And I did a little digging.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

The first time this person posted about this issue was a year ago. Oh. Does anyone know of a shredding event in our area sometime soon? Looking to get rid of old papers that same year? Does anyone know of a free paper shred event in the area anytime soon? And then just five days ago.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Any recommendations for shredding? Would prefer a free event, but doesn't look like anything in the area. Have several bags of old docs I want to get rid of. And here to explain these posts and why the shredding is so important and what a free shredding event is. Sure is. Sharon. Sharon. Welcome to the neighborhood.

[C]

Hi.

[D]

Thank you so much. Thank you for.

[A]

Welcome.

[D]

I've never been in a kitchen island. Really Been in an island. I've never been.

[C]

Is that interesting?

[D]

Never.

[C]

Never a kitchen island. Now that's so funny. It's such a sort of commonplace thing to have in a kitchen. Where do you live? What's your setup?

[D]

I live in just a one room.

[C]

Okay. Just one room. Just like a studio.

[D]

Just a one room studio.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. So the kitchen, it's a kitchenette, right?

[A]

Right.

[D]

I don't have kitchen.

[C]

You wouldn't have an is. Sure.

[D]

And this is.

[C]

Well, then I'm glad I put you across from us so you get to really enjoy it.

[D]

I gotta say, you know, you're. You're in the kitchen where things happen, but you're floating around an island. Get all the. Get all the sides, you guys. This is fun to do that.

[C]

All the sizes. I mean, really appreciate it. I love someone who's such a immediately happy guest, you know, Just doesn't take much.

[A]

Absolutely. What islands have you been to?

[D]

I have been to Mackinac Island. That's the one island.

[A]

I've heard of that. Where is that?

[D]

That's upstate Michigan.

[C]

It's called the ypers is what they call themselves.

[A]

What's that mean?

[C]

Oh, Upper peninsulas. Yeah, but they all talk like this, you know.

[D]

They do kind of.

[C]

We have cherries, lots of fudge. Lots of fudge.

[A]

Cherries and fudge.

[C]

Cherries and fudge.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Not together, I hope.

[C]

Well, I don't know. I don't think that's a bad combo.

[A]

I do.

[D]

There's fudge covered cherries.

[A]

Absolutely fudge covered. Chocolate covered, but fudge covered, fudge covered.

[D]

They're decent.

[A]

You might as well Say cake.

[C]

There's things called pasties, and they're not what you think. They're not the things you put.

[A]

Well, certainly, if it's coming out of your mouth. Who knows?

[D]

Joan, you must have done some theater up in the Up.

[C]

Oh, my goodness. Do you. This is so nice. Are you recognizing me as a local actress here at Dignity Falls?

[D]

I'm sorry. Cheaper by the Dozen.

[C]

Oh, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Yes. Oh, wow. She's pulling out some of the classics from 15 years ago.

[A]

Joan did. Check Dignity Falls rep.

[C]

I did Cheaper by the Dozen.

[A]

She played not only the marvel, but three of the kids.

[C]

And played three of the children believably. Thank you.

[D]

That was so good. No, I'm a lover of theater, I have to say. Oh, well, I'm a lover.

[C]

Welcome. Thank you. We're so happy to have you here.

[A]

Do you tread the board yourself?

[D]

Oh, no, back. Just backstage.

[A]

Oh, don't get me in front.

[C]

Oh, you're interested in crew? Oh, we should get you involved.

[D]

Oh, don't even Listen, I'm really good with sound. Okay. I like to, you know, hold for's out. Hold for Playing that kind of stuff.

[C]

Like a holy artist?

[A]

More like film production.

[D]

Yes, I've dabbled a little bit.

[C]

No. What do you do for a living?

[D]

Yeah, I work in sound.

[C]

Oh, you do?

[D]

Yeah, I do. I do. I'm a sound engineer. Yeah?

[C]

For who? For where?

[D]

Well, right now.

[A]

Why?

[C]

For why, when?

[D]

Isn't that a lot of questions? I had a couple gigs in Pre Pandemic. Pre Pammy. Yeah, the Pre Pammy.

[C]

The Pre Pammi. I had that one before.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Shortening Pandemic to Pandemic.

[C]

Keep the N and the D. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, and the E. I know it was rough. No, I worked. I was like, third on the call sheet for sound, so I just show up. I always had a boom kit and.

[C]

Sorry, what were you shooting?

[D]

I wasn't shooting anything. I just show up.

[C]

Sure, but what was the project?

[A]

Show up.

[D]

Independent films.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah. I cut my teeth on Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants a long time ago.

[A]

You did?

[D]

That's funny.

[A]

What did you do on that film?

[D]

Sound as well. Yeah, but I was just an assistant there, so I carried. I carried the equipment.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

You could say pa, but I like to say pa. And sound.

[C]

Okay, all right.

[D]

I like sound. I like, you know, different kind of sounds. So I collect sounds.

[A]

Like different kinds of sounds.

[D]

Do you like birds, wind chimes, people yelling?

[C]

Oh, you get along great with my husband, Doug. You can't see him because he's in another room. But he loves bird noises. When you say people yelling, birds, do.

[A]

You like them yelling specific things or just sort of wordless screaming?

[D]

I feel like you can tell a lot by what wordless screaming. You can decipher. You can. And. But if you really, really listen to two people yelling, you can figure out all their details.

[A]

Absolutely. It's a character study.

[D]

But don't put me in front of a camera.

[C]

Okay, what we will do is ask you why, for almost a year now, you've been on a quest for a free shredding event. Could you talk about that?

[D]

It's been rough. Joan, here's the deal, okay? I have a lot of documents that seems that way.

[C]

Can you describe the nature of these documents? I mean, to have that many that you're in. In deep need of it for an entire year?

[D]

I'm an avid journaler.

[A]

An avid journaler.

[C]

Avid journaler.

[D]

A lot of ideas.

[A]

Right.

[D]

I don't want to brag. Lot of plays, lot of screenplay ideas. A lot of things that I just don't think I can just throw out.

[C]

Why? Because you're afraid someone's gonna find them and steal them?

[D]

Hey, you said it.

[C]

You said it.

[D]

You said it.

[A]

But then why are you throwing them out? Why are you getting rid of them?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, because I feel like in order to find the next idea, you gotta birth the old ones and you gotta destroy them.

[A]

Yeah. Birthing. Birthing and destroy.

[D]

Yeah. So I'm trying to.

[A]

A birth is a kind of a destruction. What do you think about it?

[C]

I'll tell you what I mean. I had twins.

[A]

It destroys a pregnancy.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

That's such a messed up way of thinking about it.

[D]

Burned, see? Yeah. It destroys the end of a pregnancy.

[A]

And you think that's a good pregnancy destruction announcement? I think people would like that. Please. Congratulations. Of the destruction.

[C]

And it's a picture of a beautiful baby.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. All right. Anyways, back to the situation. Here's my question for you. Yeah, Sharon, Is that. Have you tried to sell pitch? Get any of these ideas out into the world before you're gonna destroy them, you know? Is one of the reasons you want to destroy them? Because these are things you attempted to get in front of people, and it didn't work out.

[A]

Great question, Jo.

[C]

Thank you. Thank you.

[D]

That is a really great question. A couple things I did a few free readings on.

[C]

Oh, you did? Yeah.

[D]

And I felt like they just, you know, I didn't really get the traction that I wanted on them.

[C]

It's so hard to get people to show up to things sometimes.

[D]

Yeah. What was the response for that? It was. They were pretty terrible. They were sort of hallmark with like, you know, a little R rated Hallmark stuff.

[C]

Oh, these were the projects? Yeah.

[D]

And people just felt like, you know.

[C]

Can you give us like a title of one and like, can you tell us about one of them?

[A]

Give us a log.

[B]

Log.

[C]

Elevator pitch. Is that what they say? Gotta pitch it in and out later.

[D]

Well, I thought you elves in Christmas Town. What if all the elves were sluts? Okay. And in order to save the Christmas cabin, because there's always a cabin, always a cabin, you know, you got to perform different acts of stuff.

[C]

Well, penetrative sex burnt. There you go. You'd love it.

[D]

Oh, do you only enjoy penetrative?

[A]

I enjoy all kinds of stuff.

[C]

Okay, good.

[A]

Yeah. But now you do agree there's other. Other kinds of sex? Penetration.

[C]

Okay, there has been an argument about it. I think I was making a different point. But fine, let's.

[A]

Someone in this kitchen seems to think all sex is penetrated.

[C]

Voted off the island.

[D]

Joan, listen, my nickname in college was Frogger.

[A]

Okay, so why is that?

[C]

Yeah, there could be so many reasons. Think about it.

[A]

And it was penetrative.

[C]

Wait, are you saying that the logs and the snakes were just other partners and you were just jumping from partner to partner? Is that what you're saying?

[D]

I didn't do it with animals. Joe, come on.

[A]

No, I think she was being metaphorical because we thought you were being metaphorical.

[D]

Oh, I was being medical.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Medical.

[C]

She was being medical.

[D]

Well, I was. Yeah. They called me Frogger because I had a way of kind of like from the video game Frog. I could move about quickly.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And I could like, get on something real quick, do my business and then move about.

[A]

Get on something real quick.

[C]

I think we are talking about sex, though. I'm pretty sure.

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[D]

Okay, but there's a. Other ways.

[C]

There's other ways.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, but. So back to that reading. People didn't enjoy it. I shouldn't have done it at noon at a park.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I should have said it was a R rated event and people said, this is terrible. You should destroy this park.

[C]

I'm just curious, which park did you do it at?

[D]

Down by Jimmy Carter Avenue at the corner of RFK and Hoover.

[A]

Hoover.

[C]

Oh, well, that. That's the. I mean, we usually just call that herpes Park. That's the problem. Yes, I think that was your problem. But maybe mostly because of rfk, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Shoot. See, I know I should have had a. I should have asked you, Joan, come and read for it.

[C]

Oh, I would have been so flattered. I'd play a slutty little elf.

[D]

Yeah, that'd be great.

[A]

Did you have. You had a cast, like, assembled to read this?

[D]

Yeah, I had three people.

[A]

Oh, three people.

[C]

But they were reading a lot of parts, I imagine.

[D]

There were 70 parts.

[C]

Oh, 70. Now, that's a lot. How many pages was that, this script?

[D]

400.

[C]

Oh, no, that's more like a novel. That's more like a novel.

[D]

Well, hey, you know, I figured it could be in different parts, you know, 12 days of Christmas kind of thing. Like, put it out, you still have.

[A]

A lot left over.

[C]

It sure would be.

[D]

Probably.

[A]

Even if it was 12 parts, I think you'd still be.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, I don't know how long a script is. Like, how long is a play?

[C]

Right. So. And then, you know, my husband Doug, he's written a pilot and we read it for one of our. For our listeners, actually. And you think usually if you want now. And his is a half hour procedure, which is rare, but I think he kept it to about 27. Right. What about. Came in about 25, 26.

[A]

I think it was more like.

[C]

Oh, it was like 30. It might have been quicker than that.

[D]

But here's 12 pages.

[A]

There are a lot of blank pages.

[B]

All you need.

[C]

This explains a lot, though, in terms of how many documents she does have. Because if everything she wrote is at least exceeding 400 pages, then you must have. Is it? I don't want to be insensitive asking this question. Is it like a hoarder situation in your studio? Because if you're only in a studio apartment, are we talking like reams of paper and like, you know, almost like.

[D]

Oh, no, no, no. I have four public storage units.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Now I do. Four. I have four. But see, I move them around. After about six months, you stop getting a deal on them. So you gotta move them.

[C]

That is true. They do start hiking up those stores. Yes, they do.

[D]

Starts at 113. And then before you know it, it's at 270.

[C]

That makes me so angry.

[A]

What do you think they started as? Like, if a storage space first opens, is it a dollar?

[C]

I've seen that before. And then they just keep fallen for that. Absolutely, absolutely. Before you know it, you have a second mortgage.

[D]

That's right. And then they got all your stuff that you don't want to get rid of.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

And here's the thing. I don't want to pay For a shredder. So I'm. I'm holding up.

[A]

Let me ask you this, because I'm glad you brought the shredder up, but I also want to say, in light of the four storage units, have you thought about taking that money and moving to a bigger place to live?

[C]

That's a good idea. Burns.

[D]

I don't trust myself with a lot.

[B]

Of space or bigger storage unit.

[C]

Sure. Just one big one.

[D]

Sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

That could. That would be good. That would be good. I think a small space keeps my. Keeps my brain intact, you know, Like. Like. Like I know where everything is. Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And I don't have to decorate. I'm terrible. Joan. I'm terrible at decorating. Burnt. I'm terrible at decorating.

[C]

She was only addressing me for a while. I'm glad to hear she addressed you.

[A]

No, no. I feel like this has a lot of weight now that she's individually telling us.

[C]

It really does.

[A]

She's terrible at decorating.

[D]

I'm really bad at it.

[C]

Okay, I believe you. Here's another thing I want to bring up.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I have to tell you, and now, this might be my experience. I have never seen a shredding event that was anything but free. Never, ever seen one that you get.

[D]

Trust.

[A]

Let's put a pin in that one. And let me ask you this. Yeah. First.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Why do you not want to buy a shredder?

[C]

Okay. Yeah. Let's go back to that.

[D]

Because I don't trust that the shredder is gonna get the paper small enough that somebody couldn't get in the trash, put it back together, and steal the ideas.

[A]

But, I mean, here's the thing.

[D]

I freely give out my Social Security number.

[A]

Why are you doing that?

[C]

Because since you're worrying about the wrong. The wrong content.

[D]

No, see, because you can already find. Signed it. So, you know, they say, sign your name right here.

[C]

Go to a coffee shop.

[D]

Sign your name right there. I sign my social.

[C]

But what? But why? But why? Why? Why not?

[A]

Well, they're not even asking for it. You're just adding it.

[C]

A coffee order.

[D]

That's right. Valets. I give my bank information.

[A]

Why?

[D]

Just because you already can find it. So.

[A]

But not everybody.

[D]

But if you can find it, you're not gonna hunt for it.

[A]

If you can find it, you're not gonna hunt for it.

[D]

No, it's too easy. It's just. You're like.

[A]

I'm not.

[D]

You want to go after. Haven't you ever been in love with someone that you had to chase?

[A]

Well, as a matter of fact, actually. Wow.

[C]

This is crazy that you're saying this because he's going through something like this. Exactly. With his girlfriend.

[A]

My girlfriend is hiding from me somewhere in Dignity Falls and is leaving me clues to find her. And I have not yet found her.

[D]

She's got you on a scavenger hunt?

[A]

Sort of, yeah. For one very precious item.

[D]

Which is her heart or her Downstown downtown area.

[A]

Downstown.

[C]

Downstown.

[D]

No, her Downstown area.

[A]

I mean, that's part of her.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, okay.

[A]

I'm uncomfortable with this.

[C]

So what I'm talking about then. Well, let's just move back to the shredder.

[A]

You don't feel a shredder gets the. The paper shredded small enough.

[D]

Not one I could buy. You know what, though?

[A]

But you haven't seen these. I mean, there's shredders that. There's like a diamond cut shredder where it literally makes confetti. Pretty much.

[C]

Does it?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Well, I don't know where to get my hands on anything diamond related.

[C]

No, no.

[D]

What was Staples? What was their log line? Easy die.

[C]

Does it or Easy button's pretty good, though.

[D]

Nothing's easy about getting to a Staples because, you know, I don't have a car. I only.

[C]

You don't have a car?

[D]

Nope.

[C]

That's a little. You walk everywhere.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Hang on. There's like a lot of thoughts in my head.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

One of them is this happens a lot. Bernd, I know sometimes I ask this a lot of our guests, but generally, if there's some sort of hang up with something. I don't want to say obsession with something, but there's a fixation on something that someone's convinced of. It's because something there was a definitive moment. This comes from trauma. Correct? This comes from trauma. And I'm not looking to pull you into that right now. But why do you think. Why do you think you're so paranoid about people digging in the trash to get your information? Did something happen like this to a family member or to you at some point in life?

[A]

We know we're asking this at the risk of re traumatizing you.

[C]

I understand that. I don't want to make you revisit a traumatic event.

[D]

No, that's all right. Traumatics are all right. You know, when I was young, I did.

[C]

Here we go.

[A]

Here we go.

[D]

I wrote a story and a couple of the girls in school stole the story and presented it as their own name.

[C]

These girls.

[A]

Name and shame.

[D]

God. Wendy McClintock and Jessica Guffs, of course And I haven't forgotten about them, clearly. Especially off their names are just on.

[A]

The edge of your brain.

[C]

Give me a break.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

So, Joan.

[C]

I mean, so sorry.

[D]

And listen, you're an actress. You can see within people's soul.

[C]

I'm not gonna deny it. I'm not gonna deny it. I have felt that way many times.

[A]

Spooky.

[D]

Well, I mean, but as a pharmacist, you have to also see.

[A]

I guess I see in people's souls.

[D]

You do. Based on their prescriptions, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like if I like.

[A]

And how they present them. Right.

[D]

If I say, okay, I need. I need Lexa, bro. I need Evelyn athlete's foot medication. And I need a healthy dose of Flonase.

[A]

Yeah, you have problems.

[D]

There you go. What would you say my sign is? Astrological Capricorn.

[C]

Done.

[A]

See?

[D]

Done. I mean, really true.

[A]

I'm not even a big on astrology. I just.

[C]

No, he's not.

[A]

It's just I've learned it over the.

[C]

Course of just be. Has been forced to.

[D]

That's right. Because you have to look inside people's soul.

[C]

So. Okay. So these Excuse my life.

[D]

Thank you. Thank you, Joan.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

Joan. You don't normally swear.

[C]

I just. I don't. I get in trouble with my husband. I can't ever do it. You're allowed to swear all the time. I guess. And so is burnt. But not me. But this standard. They did you. I suppose so.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you guys have what it is?

[A]

Well, there it is.

[C]

Great.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

All right.

[B]

They.

[C]

They sort of. What did they do in terms of like, actually get it out there and claim it was their own hat? What did that look like when they were you. Did they, like publish the story or did they read in front of a class?

[D]

Yeah, yeah. During the. The Friday Bazaar.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

They put it up at.

[A]

Tell us about the Friday Bazaar.

[D]

Friday bazaar. At the end of the school year in eighth grade, they have what's called the bazaar. So everybody goes about. During the time people dressed up as gypsies. That's probably.

[C]

Really do that.

[D]

Pirates. That's probably still. Okay. And then there was a booth where. What is it where you throw a ball.

[C]

The water booth?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Duct tape?

[D]

Dunking tape.

[C]

Dunk tank.

[D]

Yeah, no, dunk tape. And then there was a little area where they did kind of like medieval times and plays and things like that.

[A]

Little area where they did. Yeah, they did.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This is tiny Medieval Times.

[D]

Yeah. Like just a tiny.

[C]

Oh, you just gave Doug a great idea. I can hear the gears working. That's going to be the next room in the house. Tiny. Medieval times.

[A]

Do you guys have themes?

[C]

We sure do, Sharon. We have over 200 rooms that have themes, and he just keeps growing them every single.

[A]

The house is much bigger than it appears from the outside.

[C]

It really is. You wouldn't even understand how far down underground it goes.

[B]

And the front of the house is a facade. Of course.

[C]

Yes, of course.

[D]

Do you guys have a Florida room even though you're not in Florida?

[C]

Oh, that's.

[B]

I don't think we do. What, like swamplands?

[A]

That's the most specific question.

[C]

You've never been in a Florida room? What is a Florida room?

[D]

Florida room is a room. It's usually a porch of some sort that's got screens around it because of the Skeeters, but they call it the Florida room.

[C]

Like a closed porch.

[D]

Yeah, but then sometimes you. You're not in Florida, but it's like a Florida room you really have never heard.

[C]

If you're from Florida, then you call the Florida room. But if you're not from Florida, you probably call it something else is my guess.

[D]

I've never been.

[C]

Do you have family in Florida?

[D]

No, no, never been. I'm afraid of that place. But I would love to be in a Florida room.

[C]

And.

[D]

Yeah, I don't. I don't venture out much outside of my studio. But, yeah. So.

[C]

Okay, so at the bazaar. We're back at the bazaar. And what happened? They did. They performed this thing at the bazaar. Sorry, what was it?

[D]

A short story. Jessica and McClintock got up there and they did a story called the Ugly Shoes.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Now, they were based on the fact that I had gotten tree torns. Okay? That was a brand that was popular during the time. And I had gotten high top tree torns. Now, I thought they were cool.

[A]

Big mistake.

[D]

Thank you. Burnt. Big mistake. My mom was at the time, she was not around.

[C]

She was swinging for the tree torns.

[D]

And, you know, it was something my grandma got me. Tree torns. I showed up to school. Anyway, I wrote a little creative writing story. They took the story, they reenacted it as a play. They. Yeah, and they made fun of my shoes.

[C]

It's like sort of that thing in Euphoria where they, like do a whole play and that somehow has like a budget of like $30,000.

[A]

And it's remembering the underground under wraps until the people are seeing it.

[C]

Everyone's on board. Krug, actors, everything.

[A]

Adults.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

There you go.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That is. Now that is traumatizing for sure.

[D]

So I.

[C]

Did you try to stand up for Yourself. Did you call them out on it?

[D]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I just. I internalized it.

[A]

And Sharon, I have to ask. Did everyone know that this story was about you?

[D]

Well, I was the only one with tree torrents.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And I had extremely flat feet. And they did a whole little. They did a song called Flat Feet Feet. Flat Feet. Flat Feet. Yeah. Flabby is the.

[A]

Yeah. Part of it. It's part of the song.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Flat Feet, Flat feet. Yeah. There weren't a lot of lyrics.

[B]

It's catchy.

[D]

But that's because. Doug. Thank you. It was catchy because there weren't a lot of lyrics.

[A]

But now. Okay, now I have to ask this. Did you write the song part of the.

[C]

Because she said thank you and Doug said it was a good song.

[D]

No, it was not an actual song. Those girls had turned it into a song. But that's what you can't trust. People will take your source material.

[C]

Got it. Got it.

[D]

And they'll turn it into something.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Based on that one, the words flat feet. Yeah. And they turn it into a song.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And I just think you can't trust that people won't steal your ideas. I understand.

[C]

Look at. That's a formative moment. It's a formative year in life. You know, that is. I. I understand that.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

At the same time, I feel like, may I ask, ask how old a woman you are.

[D]

No.

[C]

Fair enough. I get it. I get it. Sharon.

[D]

I'm between 30 and 80.

[A]

So all we have to go on is that at this time in her life, wearing high top tree torns was a terrible idea. So if anyone can do the detective work on that one, we can figure it out.

[C]

Also, asking someone from Diggity Falls their age, that's a classic Dignity Falls response, you know, between 28. Because as is the course of the census, it's like guessing the actual, like, population of our town.

[A]

We're very cagey.

[C]

Did you hide from the census like everybody else did when they last did it?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. I don't want to tell people. I mean, they can assume one person lives in the studio, but maybe not.

[C]

Maybe not.

[D]

Maybe not.

[A]

Maybe intrusive. I do. I don't want to not cooperate with the census fully, but when they ask me, I do say I'm happy with whatever you wish to write down based on your assessment of me.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I'm not going to answer any questions. Whatever you write down, what you think I am or how old I am or what I do for A living. Go ahead. I sign off on that.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Aren't you curious about what they said?

[A]

No. I don't care what people think of me.

[C]

Burn. I really admire that about you. I wish I had that.

[A]

I truly don't care.

[C]

I think it's clear.

[A]

Yeah. If I were to die tomorrow and my death went unmourned, fine.

[C]

Burns. You always take it too far.

[D]

Do you have any tattoos? Do you have a motto in life?

[A]

None that I know of.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[D]

That can happen.

[B]

You can.

[D]

You can.

[A]

It is possible that I have tattoos that I have not seen.

[D]

Really? So it'd be in.

[C]

You have been unconscious in a lot of places. You know, what if they tattooed you at the hospital when you went, do.

[D]

You have a full length mirror in your house?

[A]

No.

[D]

And so. No. And when you have.

[A]

My parents didn't believe in them.

[D]

Oh, right.

[A]

They said, you can look down. Why do you need to see it in a mirror?

[C]

You can look down.

[D]

That's my.

[A]

Yes. They say, of course you can't see your own face. You need a face mirror. But to see how your legs look, just look down.

[D]

Okay. So you may have something on your back that you don't know of. Cause you don't.

[A]

When you go, sometimes my girlfriend, when we're in bed together, post coitus.

[C]

Here he goes again.

[A]

She might look at a part of my body that I can't see and she'll have like a little giggle. And I say, what's that? She. She goes, nothing.

[D]

You don't want to ask. Are you giggling at her?

[C]

You need to follow up on that with her.

[A]

No, I enjoy the mystery.

[C]

When you find her, you need to ask her. She needs to take a picture of that. I need to see that. Whatever. I could do it myself. I could look at your back right now.

[B]

What if it's just a full.

[C]

But I'm not going to a full. What?

[B]

What if it's just a full eagle on your back? Like, I might have that covering the entire back.

[A]

I might have that dumb Ben Affleck tattoo for all I know.

[D]

When I said that you got a.

[C]

Tattoo after this lava landing that you had, and it was in the concert installation of Pikachu. I remember this very clearly.

[A]

Joan. If you say so. If you say so.

[C]

Maybe you got it removed and you didn't.

[A]

Maybe I did.

[C]

Anyways, I don't want to get away from Sharon here. I really don't. I want to get closer and I want to get more in depth.

[A]

Let's get back to the question that.

[C]

You Were asking about her age because.

[A]

No, no, no, no. That seemed like a no go.

[C]

We're not getting any. We had no traction there.

[A]

But you had asked before. I wanted to dial in on the shredder issue. Yeah, but you had. Were about to ask about these free shredding events.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Now maybe this is a thing that I'm unaware of. What is a shredding event?

[D]

Well, it's where they get out of. People bring their shredders and people bring their old docks and they just allow you to use it like a classic car convention.

[A]

People are bringing their shredders generally.

[C]

I have not experienced many people bringing shredders. There's generally one gigantic, gigantic industrial shredder.

[A]

No, everybody goes to.

[C]

Yes, you bring. Like it'll happen in a parking lot. Listen, I had a cousin who used to do this. He was. He was in charge of recycling at his high school. Okay. And he would have people have a. He would have people, you know, with events and, you know, like the local realtors. I would come as a local realtor and have a table, you know, and pass out my. My writing pads like we always do.

[A]

Realtors walk over the shredder and put them in there. No, that would have hurt my feelings.

[C]

Oh, that would have hurt my feelings too. No, my writing pads were fantastic. I always got them professionally done. I have two of them. You bring. You bring.

[A]

I need a homemade writing pad.

[C]

You bring your documents. That's what you bring. I have not experienced everyone also bringing a shredder because why would you need to do that if you. If you had your own shredder? Just stay at home and shred your own things.

[A]

But I guess it's to offer your shredder to other people who don't have a shredder.

[C]

Yes. I'm just saying he. He had. He had access to a very huge industrial shredder. So everything just got shredded right there. My cousin.

[A]

Oh, your cousin. Okay. Forgot.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You could have access to it. He didn't own it, but he had access to it.

[C]

Correct. So he just get it donated. You know, it's like a write off.

[D]

Do you. Do you. Are you. Do you know tax information?

[C]

Do I know tax.

[A]

Do you know tax information?

[C]

I don't know how to answer that question.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

No, just because I'm gonna take that as a no.

[C]

Is this a person we're talking about? I could.

[D]

I just. I'm. I'm backlogged on my taxes for the past 20 years, so that's a side. Meaning.

[A]

Meaning unpaid.

[C]

She's Given out her Social Security number everywhere. Meaning unpaid.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, unpaid.

[C]

Wait a minute.

[D]

Your Social Security is connected to your taxes. Oh, okay. All right, well, that's another post I'm going to have to. I'm going to have to put that post up. But, no, I am looking for a free shredding.

[A]

Sorry, what post are you going to put up?

[D]

Someone who could explain to me the correlation between tax ID number and social and how that connects with each other.

[A]

Well, the Social Security number is how the government identifies you.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

And then.

[C]

Yes, you have the. You have. You'd have it as additional tax ID number. Generally, one of them is going to get you to. Is going to get them to you.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Anyways. All right, well, look into it because it sounds like it might be in some legal trouble.

[D]

Yeah, I may need a. Didn't you guys have a lawyer on here? Dark Duke. He was a dentist. Lawyer. You did that?

[C]

I mean, I will take your word for it.

[A]

Yeah, nice older fellow.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in it with a red truck guy and some dog poop.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

But anyway. Yeah, yeah, well, I was hoping to get a free event. Here's the thing. Like, I just think that somebody maybe it's in a park where there could be electricity, and I just imagine there's a big circle like this kitchen island, and you could just like, move and shred things at different locations, and maybe there's some free beverages. And I'm looking for that event. It's like community building. You get rid of documents, and you feel safe that your documents are completely, completely gotten rid of.

[A]

Right. How much. How much do these shredding events usually cost?

[D]

Well, they're free.

[A]

This.

[D]

There's a free event. I'm looking for a free event.

[C]

That's why I said. I said they're all free. I've never been to one where you were charged money.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Sharon, you're the one that is specifying free.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So what I'm asking is not ridiculous. Okay? It is not insane.

[C]

It is not absurd way to advocate for yourself. Burnt.

[D]

Good job.

[A]

Thank you, Joan.

[C]

Okay, and here's the other thing I want to know.

[A]

A free shredding event implies the existence of paid shredding event.

[C]

You're getting heated.

[A]

I am.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[D]

I got it.

[C]

You're getting worked up. Sit back down, please.

[A]

I'm gonna go walk around the house.

[C]

Okay, that's good, even. Just walk around the island. If you walk around the house, you'll not be Back for until sundown. Okay, so what I want to know is, in this entire year, did anyone, someone respond or comment on any information about an event?

[D]

11 likes.

[A]

Did they tell you how much?

[C]

Oh, we don't even. We can hear you. We don't even have the microphone. Oh, this is bad.

[D]

Yeah, Well, I got 11 likes. I got one comment that said, when you find it, let me know. That was from Bart Chardle.

[A]

Bart Chardle?

[D]

Yeah, Bart Chardle.

[B]

Oh, that brought him back.

[A]

The deputy mayor. Yes. You know, Bart Shardle. I mean, I know of him, of course.

[C]

He's pretty notorious.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

God. Well, he said.

[A]

And that's kind of his catchphrase, when you find out, tell me. That's right. That's what he says. At all press conferences he does. Whenever they ask him a question, he says, when you find out, tell me.

[D]

It's a platform he ran on and he got elected because.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

You know, he's saying, I'll.

[C]

He really gets that ahead of his name. And he tries to just be like a real friendly guy. And the introducing that.

[D]

Sure, baby.

[B]

It was better than see something, say something, because it shows you who to say something to.

[D]

That's right.

[C]

I guess that's true. Yeah.

[B]

You tell him, Bart Shartle.

[A]

What is better than see something? If you see something, say something.

[C]

Well, if you know. If you find out, tell me.

[B]

If you find out, tell me.

[D]

Yeah. Isn't that what they say in England?

[B]

I'm not crazy for saying in England.

[A]

No, you're not.

[C]

Doug, Doug, hang on. We have an English question. Yes, but Bert knows a lot about London.

[D]

Okay. Don't they say, say something, see something in England? Only in England. That's what they say.

[A]

No, they don't say something, see something. How would that work?

[C]

Oh, Robert. If you say something, see something. She liked Downton Abbey. We like to talk like Elizabeth McGover from Downton Abbey from time to time.

[D]

I don't trust tv.

[A]

Here's what they say. But wait a minute.

[C]

You love sound and you've written all sorts of stories and you like being around a TV set. I thought.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Very quick, very quickly. What they say in. In England, in London is see it, say it sorted.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Sort it.

[A]

Like you do say, mind the gap.

[D]

I thought they meant see it. It say it, sort it. Like, sort it out.

[A]

No, they will. They are. They're saying, consider it sorted.

[C]

Oh, I do love that when people say that.

[A]

It's also sorted.

[C]

It's all sorted.

[D]

Like, it's done. It's completed.

[C]

Yeah, I took care of it.

[A]

Which is. That's. I think that's a huge assumption.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They're saying if you see something suspicious, tell us and guess and consider it taken care of.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't like that. I will. I'll never go to England.

[A]

I think it's to prevent vigilantism now. Okay. You don't.

[C]

Let's get back to the matter at hand.

[D]

Nah, I don't. I don't trust television. Nope.

[C]

Okay. How come?

[D]

No, I just don't trust it. You don't know if what they're saying and what they're doing is true or not.

[A]

You don't know what you're playing Downton.

[C]

Abbey, but, but, but often it isn't true. I think we all are quite aware when something is a story that we're being told. Right. So I don't think there's any reason to not trust it.

[A]

It's for entertainment.

[C]

But, you know, if her trust issues are just extending all the way back to the. To those girls. But now it's going to everything. Right now she can't even trust television. Now she can't even trust. You know, this is. This is hard. Do you have a hard time with relationships?

[D]

Well, I'm not in one currently, but I am available.

[C]

Okay. All right. Let that be known. Everybody listening?

[D]

Sharon. Sharon S. Is available.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I am available.

[A]

Did you ever meet people at these shredding events?

[D]

I haven't been to one yet.

[C]

I was gonna say she hasn't been to one.

[D]

There hasn't been one.

[C]

She know everything about them, but she hasn't been to one.

[A]

Okay, so you never found one. Even last year you never found one.

[D]

No. That's why five days ago I had to say, hey, anybody got. Got a visual on.

[A]

So your ideas, your notebooks have been piling up.

[D]

There's so many. I have. I have so many ideas, too. I mean, I got kids.

[A]

What do you got cooking up right now?

[D]

Kid show.

[A]

Kids show.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[D]

Button parade in the whistleblower.

[A]

Button parade in the whistleblo. Yeah. Yep, yep.

[D]

There's, you know, the problems, like in kid town, but just problems in kids.

[C]

And there's a whistleblower that's like calling out the problems in the kid town.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Give us an example of an episode.

[A]

But not a literal whistleblower like you would think no would happen in a kid show.

[C]

See, somebody. Of course.

[D]

Of course somebody's clever. Okay. Somebody's got. Somebody's got writing. Writing talents.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

They're not an actual. Like, they don't blow. Recorders are whistles. They're a whistleblower on a kid issue in kid Town, and it's called Kid Town.

[A]

What are some of the kid issues that are plaguing Kid Town?

[D]

Well, choice dinner choices.

[C]

Choice dinner choices.

[D]

Not enough. Okay, Okay. I mean, you. You have your obvious things. Clicks and things like that, but, you know, lead characters happen to be Jessica Cook, rubs and Wendy McLintock.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're disguised the one name, but not.

[C]

Yeah, you did. She did grubs, but she. McClintock is right out there.

[D]

Yeah, she. She needs to. She finally needs to get hers.

[A]

She does worse than Guffs. Yeah.

[D]

She dies in it.

[C]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

This is a kid show.

[C]

Yeah, that's right.

[D]

Hey, kids need to deal with real issues, right?

[A]

True.

[C]

To a certain extent. Sure.

[A]

Are there any adults in kid town?

[D]

Nope. No adults. But there are kids that play adults, which is the. The hook.

[C]

Oh, no, that's not.

[D]

So Kid actors will play adults. Ye. There's a couple characters that are.

[A]

Strange thing for that.

[C]

Jody Fox. I don't know.

[A]

Strange.

[C]

Who asked for that?

[A]

I don't know. Nobody, apparently.

[C]

And does it seem like they were still in oversized clothing?

[D]

I don't think I ever saw that.

[A]

I think that was just the style.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You never saw Bugsy Malone where children play gangsters?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

They shoot each other with cream pie machine guns.

[D]

I've never seen that. I saw.

[C]

You might like it.

[D]

Is that like Dick Tracy with on it.

[A]

It's not unlike it. Okay.

[C]

It isn't unlike it. Okay, here's another one. And again, we want to clarify, we are not a movie podcast, but we've already covered easily seven movies at this point.

[A]

Young Jody Foster and Scott. Bio.

[C]

Bio. That's how you say it?

[A]

See? In Italiano.

[B]

See?

[C]

Oh, I don't think so. I understand that you grew up in medium Sicily here in town, but bio? Is that how it's bio? Okay, see, listen, this is a lively conversation, but I. Charles in charge. Sharon very effectively gets us off this subject. A lot of, like, evading this whole thing, why she won't own a paper shredder, and why we just can't get her over this hump of, like, this developmental issue.

[A]

Yes. It's all about trust and paranoia. Deep paranoia.

[C]

Yes. So I just. You know what I think we should do? Burnt. This is where we always come to a fork in the road in terms of how we want to handle our guest. You want to dismiss them?

[A]

I'm not dismissing anyone. I am saying I want her to recognize mental issues.

[C]

We want the same thing, Bert. What I. What I want you is to. I want you to do is to start small. Do you think that you could just start. Here's another question. How about burning the documents?

[D]

Great question.

[A]

You know what?

[C]

No one can go into a dumpster and put that stuff together.

[A]

You can't do that.

[C]

What if you just take it to an incinerator?

[D]

Well, if there's a free one around and maybe a free event, well, you can.

[C]

You can make a bonfire, you know, in any sort of. Down by the lake where there's no water anymore. But they still have those bonfire pits.

[A]

Yeah, it's true.

[D]

You could do that. Yeah, but I feel like that's dangerous. Cuz, like the little piece of paper could fly off. Someone could catch that. And it says interior.

[A]

But that's all.

[C]

I don't know what they have to go on from that. That's a tough prompt. I mean, it's not bad for an improv.

[A]

Part of the button parade.

[D]

Yes. And I mean, opening dialogue, Marty says, everybody gather around. Come on. Tell me you can't. You can't get something off of that.

[C]

Is he the chief? Is he the. The factory chief? Marty?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Foreman.

[D]

He's the foreman. He's 12.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Playing. No, no, he's.

[D]

He's playing.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

No, no, he's 12.

[C]

12.

[A]

Playing 12.

[D]

12. Playing 12. That's right. @ the beginning, you gotta. You can't confuse your audience. You gotta be straight to it. So sure. Straight to it right away. You know, just keep it.

[A]

So then they're grounded in the world where there are no adults. But there are problems in kid towns such as dis. Dinner choices that a whistleblower is bringing.

[C]

Dinner choices. Not enough.

[D]

That's right. That's right. And then it all comes to head and there's a villain and all that sort of stuff. But see, look at. Look at what's happening, you guys. I'm giving my ideas right now on your podcast.

[A]

That's true, but I mean, people are hearing them in your voice, so I think that you would have a case. Yeah, you say that was my idea.

[C]

To prove that it was yours first. This is why it's a good thing. Listen, I guess maybe the tiny step you've taken, taking today is to come on this podcast.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

And thank you for trusting us.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, with your. Right. That's kind of a big step to do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And so.

[A]

But do you Trust us, by the way.

[D]

Slightly. Enough. Enough. No, I. I mean, look, you guys are fancy, okay? You're so talented.

[C]

Say that. Oh, give me a break.

[D]

Burnt. You're really handsome. Even though I know you're taking.

[A]

Come on now.

[D]

No, you are 1 to 10. 17.

[C]

See what she did?

[A]

I don't. I. I don't.

[D]

Does that make you uncomfortable?

[A]

I don't know where it does make me uncomfortable.

[D]

That's okay. That's all right.

[A]

I'm extremely uncomfortable.

[D]

That's okay. I'm not gonna do anything.

[A]

Okay. I'm in a onesie.

[D]

I mean a zip up. What do they call it?

[A]

Oh, I forgot.

[D]

Frogger.

[C]

I was wondering where you would that you were in a onesie Jumpsuit.

[D]

What's a jumpsuit? It's not a onesie. That would sound like I'm an infant and not an adult outfit.

[A]

When I was in college, they called me Pitfall Harry.

[C]

How come?

[A]

Cuz I. I tried to swing once and I fell.

[D]

Like in gym class or something where.

[A]

Like across the open relationship. Oh, burn.

[D]

And you fell. I fell down, yeah, during the spring.

[A]

That turned me off of the lifestyle.

[C]

Oh, okay. Well, sure it would. Anybody? Right again. Again we got off topic.

[B]

I have a question.

[C]

Okay, babe, you go ahead, I'll suggestion.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

If you don't want to burn them.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Why don't you put them up on the wall for decoration, which you said you were bad at.

[A]

Interesting.

[C]

Oh, that's nice.

[A]

That's kind of nice.

[C]

Maybe do a little decapitation massage.

[B]

Yeah, no clue what that is.

[C]

I knew you wouldn't. Babe, you know what? Make your best.

[B]

Why did you say it?

[C]

Make your best? He's in the anger phase of the Benadryl.

[D]

You guys all took Benadryl?

[A]

We did, we did.

[D]

Would you like some Benadryl? No, Benadryl makes me truly crazy. Like.

[C]

Let's give her some.

[D]

It hypes me up to a. You know that happens. It doesn't bring me down to sleepy.

[A]

Absolutely.

[D]

But it really hypes me up.

[C]

I can't imagine you more hyped, to be perfectly honest.

[D]

No, I get, I get at it.

[C]

Babe, I just want you to tell me what you think decoupage is. Just give it a stab.

[A]

Oh, this is a great new segment.

[B]

Decoupage.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, sound it out.

[C]

Do you want the origin?

[B]

Use it in a sentence.

[C]

Well, we really want Sharon to use her scripts to make a decoupage to decorate her house.

[B]

Maybe an Australian thing.

[A]

An Australian thing.

[D]

Australian.

[C]

Look at that, decoupage.

[D]

I've never been to an island, but even island. I know what decoupage is.

[C]

I wish you had been to an island.

[D]

Mackinac. Mackinac. Not many, just Mackinac. I've never been outside of the.

[C]

Wait, so your answer to decoupage is. It's something Australian.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. That's a big negatory, good buddy.

[D]

Yeah, that's not right.

[B]

It's a decoration.

[A]

It's. It's. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[C]

I think you mean mate.

[A]

It's a decoration. I don't know why that popped up.

[C]

Big old negativity. Sorry, Mike.

[A]

That's a negatory, good buddy. Decoupage. And correct me if I'm wrong, it is. You take. You might take scraps of things like a newspaper clipping or an old photograph.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

And you sort of lacquer it on the surface.

[B]

That's a collage.

[A]

That's not a. First of all, it's collage.

[C]

I don't know what language you're talking about.

[B]

It's a papier mache.

[A]

That's a collage. Y' all talking about a collage? No, big daddy, it's not a collage.

[C]

In a way, it's a collage, but it's how you make the collage. Collage. Right. And so sometimes collagen.

[D]

Like glue.

[A]

Yeah. It's not necessarily on a surface. Collage could be on a piece of paper.

[C]

But you can decoupage an entire wall or an entire piece of furniture. Like a glass coffee table.

[B]

I'm not gonna get this, but why don't you just do that?

[C]

Okay. Yeah, why don't you do that, Sharon?

[D]

Well, because then if I ever have a gentleman.

[A]

Okay. Froggin'.

[D]

He could glance and look. It's like my. All of my ideas are still out.

[A]

Okay. Okay. You have a severe problem.

[C]

You do.

[A]

And you can't be so mistrustful of everyone. That's no way to live your life.

[C]

Here's my. Here's my. And here's the thing. I do think we got to wrap it up soon because we. Because, first of all, I need to get. I'm pretty sure I need to take Doug to the urgent care, so. Because I don't think Benadryl is working.

[A]

Yeah, you're not the only one who's fucked up. Doug is.

[D]

All right. Well, all right.

[C]

See? Now, how can you see he's allowed to swear. I'm not. But let me just tell you this. Sometimes telling the truth, telling the real, authentic truth, the thing you're most Scared about is what sometimes is the way through. What I would do is. Oh, Bristol breaking down throat today. It's a local problem.

[A]

I'm just agreeing.

[D]

Are you getting excited?

[C]

It's agreement. It's agreement. It's excited. It's excitable agreement.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

All right. Okay. I want you. Here's my wish for you.

[D]

And now let me. If I follow this wish one, is it like a wish I'm gonna get something out of it, or are you saying you'll be my life coach? Joan. Because I could really use.

[C]

No. Oh, it's something in between, I think.

[D]

I want to say she would be.

[A]

A life coach for you. This is my wish for you.

[D]

Because it feels like she's.

[C]

I've had people hit me with this energy before and request some wild things.

[A]

Of you do give off life coach energy. But I would say if you say here's my wish for you, that implies a distance right there. Oh, no, no, no saying here.

[C]

Okay, then I'm going to take away wish because we've already talked about wishes and we're cynical wishers anyways here in Daveny Falls, so we're not going to to do that. Okay, here's my challenge to you.

[D]

See, now she's a coat.

[C]

Now I'm a life coach. Here's my challenge to you. I want you to go in and I want you to not look at your feet like burnt would have to. I want you to look in the mirror that I know you have in your apartment.

[D]

I do.

[C]

I have seven. Look yourself.

[A]

Seven mirrors. I do.

[C]

Then one is begging to be decoupage. I have to say.

[D]

Yeah. And listen, I don't trust how I look in my mind, so I got to make sure the capris look.

[C]

And you know what? This is what I want you to write. I want you to look into that mirror and I want you to think about the actual truth that's making you not. But not move forward. What is stopping you? I want you to write about those women. I want you to tell the truth. And you know what? Once you tell the truth, they say it sets you free.

[D]

Uh oh. I think somebody wants to be the lead in my slutty hallmark.

[C]

This is Sharon's story. Oh, no, not oh, the slutty hallmark elf.

[A]

This is different than the. Oh, okay.

[D]

Well, or. And.

[C]

Or so I think what I said he'd land it all.

[A]

No, of course not.

[D]

No, no, no, I heard it. I heard it.

[A]

You want me to listen to you?

[C]

I want you to tell your truth, Sharon.

[D]

I really do I'm gonna get naked in front of my mirror.

[C]

Okay. That part was. Wasn't involved.

[D]

That's kind of what I heard.

[C]

But whatever. Whatever works for you.

[D]

Okay. I'm going to stand there like I did in the sorority PI Fi. Circle all my fat.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Stand and look right there.

[A]

Sorority PI Fi circle.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You don't sorority.

[A]

No, I've never been in a sorority.

[C]

No. Damn.

[A]

They make you get naked and then everybody mocks you.

[D]

Circle your fat, and then they make you take a. A quick shot of Tabasco and run.

[C]

Oh, no. This feels too real. And I'm very uncomfortable about it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

No, I don't want it to be real.

[D]

It isn't. It is real.

[A]

So that you can let go these two children.

[C]

That is determined. The entire world Sounded like bigger trauma if you wanted me. If we're talking about trauma, we're talking about trauma. That's it.

[A]

Somebody puts circles on you.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And then you have to do a shot of Tabasco and run around the room.

[C]

That's insane.

[D]

Yep. And you have to chant the Greek letters and all that sort of stuff. But I got in. So it was. I don't know.

[C]

Oh, I sure hope I don't know.

[D]

And you.

[A]

Of course they do.

[D]

Also then had to eat what was called a. It was like a sauerkraut hot dog. No, she had to eat three of them and run as well.

[A]

When you say what was called a sauerkraut hot dog, what does that mean?

[D]

There's another name for it. It was called a p. P. O. Boy.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[D]

No, really, Is.

[A]

Was it a hot dog?

[D]

Yeah, it's a hot dog with sauerkraut on it. Sauerkraut and something else. And it's. But I. I just don't know if it's an offensive thing to say. P O, O.

[C]

That's like a classic dish, like a southern poo boy.

[B]

You just spelled poo boy.

[C]

It's not poo boy, babe.

[B]

Well, that.

[C]

Are you saying.

[D]

Okay, but you're right, I guess. Burnt. I'm having this. This realization that I have let go of that time in my life. And none of that is trauma. But what is.

[C]

I'm sorry, what? Isn't that what you guys called it?

[A]

Trauma. Trauma.

[C]

Trauma. Truma.

[A]

Trauma. It's ridiculous. Pronunciation is trauma.

[D]

Truma.

[C]

I think she just did a commercial.

[D]

Yeah. Maybe I can. Maybe I can take that first step of looking in the. The mirror.

[C]

Yes. Naked or not.

[D]

Okay. I say. And what do I do? I say, sharon, you can let it.

[C]

Go and you Actually, just say your truth into the mirror and then you're going to write it down.

[D]

But then can I shred that piece.

[C]

Of paper once you're studying a free shredder? No. You're going to start a substack. Are you going to publish it? Are you going to put it. Are you going to put it on a flyer?

[A]

Put these ideas out in the world.

[C]

You have to put them out in the world.

[A]

Don't be deterred by the guffs. Don't be deterred by the. The park where you got arrested or whatever happened.

[C]

She never got around. She tried a reading at Herpes park and it didn't work.

[D]

Maybe I should have been. Yeah, but so you're gonna.

[C]

This is a. You're gonna turn over a new leaf, and you're gonna start today because you shared a lot of your truth on this podcast. A lot of people heard it, and I get. I bet you a lot of people want to hear that story and they want to hear more. And so that is my. That's my hope. That's my challenge for you. Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

And as always, we say we wish you very well. Oh, I said wish again. I said wish again. Yeah, I said wish. I said the same.

[A]

Wish you. I wish you the best of luck.

[C]

I know I still slow, Sharon.

[D]

And where. I want to do a follow up because it did take me 20 hours to walk here.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

But I want to follow up with you.

[A]

20 hours?

[C]

That's too long. You need to get a car or at least an electric scooter.

[D]

Ah, I know, I know.

[C]

What was the follow up?

[D]

No, just. How can I stay in touch with you to let you know how I'm doing on my progress?

[C]

Oh, you can just find me on Facebook. Yeah, just shoot me a dm. That should be fine.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

That's the best. Okay, that's it.

[A]

On Facebook.

[D]

I really do.

[C]

I really do. If I'm not at this island, I'm on Facebook.

[A]

All right, we're going to say goodbye to you now, Sharon.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Thank you so much.

[C]

But thank you so much for being here.

[D]

No, I.

[C]

We're rooting for you.

[D]

Thank you so much. Best of luck. If you have any leads, you have.

[A]

To get out of this.

[C]

Doug, you can just stop recording. That's probably okay.

[A]

More with the Never listen with the neighbor. Listen. Return.

[D]

Hi, y'.

[C]

All, this is Mary Lou, and I'm giving away a wooden reindeer nutcracker. And as you can see, I've left a few pictures that are very blurry or not helpful with Strange angles that. That make this reindeer look like anything but a reindeer. Especially from profile. From profile, I'd say it either looks like a bulldog or, I don't know, some sort of strange sitting bear. But definitely, definitely not reindeer. And it's scaring my kids. So. I just love you. Come get it. I have no prize listed, so that just means I want you come get it right now. Thank you.

[A]

And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen.

[C]

Well, boy, Sharon was a real. A real character. She was a real mess.

[A]

I don't like her chances.

[C]

I don't like. I certainly don't like her chances of finding a free shredding event.

[A]

Just buy a shred.

[C]

I don't think she's gonna take my challenge to heart. I don't think she's gonna. I don't think she's gonna change at all.

[A]

You don't think.

[C]

I don't know what I'm hoping. Here's what I'm hoping. Sometimes I hope that there's just one. It just takes one listener. Do you know what I mean? That it's just one. One listener that hears someone, and they're like. That's also my thing. You know what I mean? And then tries to contact one of our guests, and then maybe that sparks something.

[A]

Do you know what you're making me think is also sometimes when we talk to someone on this show who is beyond help, which is often. Could help someone who's listening to the show who's also an idiot who needs to change their life dramatically because of their stupid choices.

[C]

Okay. I mean, like, of course, I'm not gonna put it quite that way, but, yes, I like the idea that. That beyond just kind of maybe brightening people's day with some silly talks about, you know, our lives and everything, that maybe, yes, someone actually is like, oh, I'm not alone.

[A]

My life is a disaster. Or that I'm also dumb.

[C]

Okay. All right. Right. Okay.

[A]

Hey, if you're a dum dum and we changed your life, we'd love to hear from you. Now, John, we have time for one more post. Yeah. Well, should we check in with Doug in the Tron room?

[C]

Yeah, let's check in with Doug. Hey, babe. What's going on? Oh, no. We passed out for the Benadryl.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Babe. Babe.

[D]

Doug.

[C]

Hey, babe. Wait, wait.

[A]

We got. Oh. Oh. Throwing it up.

[B]

Who is this.

[C]

Complete unknown speaking gibberish? Good Lord.

[A]

Bob Dylan in there. Hey.

[B]

Is this the Benadryl?

[A]

I bet it's fun to talk that way if you're Bob Dylan. I bet he has a ball.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

What's going on?

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

My.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Wait, so is this the Benadryl?

[A]

It must be.

[C]

Well, how is your hand? It could be Venom.

[A]

No.

[C]

What about all the lights?

[A]

You built a Tron room, Doug.

[C]

Yeah, that's what you were building, babe. Remember? Tron?

[A]

Tron Ares. Jared Leto.

[C]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

The only movie that was released and taken out of theaters within 24 hours.

[B]

You guys have not experienced anything until you've woken up from a Benadryl. From a Benadryl sleep and Tron room.

[C]

Now, I can't argue with that because I don't know anyone else that could say that.

[A]

It does sound kind of intriguing.

[B]

Sleeping in Tron. That's a restful sleeping in Tron. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Why was it called Tron? Because in the first movie, he made a game.

[C]

Did it stand for something? Was it Anron? No.

[A]

Yeah, it's a movie based on the sats. Tron is like just a futuristic sounding word. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I feel like we knew that word, though.

[C]

Did we? What do you mean, that word?

[B]

The word Tron, when Tron came out, felt familiar.

[A]

But isn't it a suffix of something else? Like, I don't think it was a standalone word. Tron.

[C]

Wait, wasn't that the name of Bruce Box Lightner?

[A]

No. He was a person, wasn't he? No, he was.

[C]

No. Jeff Bridges got sucked.

[A]

Bridges got sucked into the game.

[C]

I just can't.

[B]

Neil Young came out with an album named Tron.

[A]

Did he?

[B]

Right.

[C]

I still young.

[A]

I mean, if anybody did, I, I.

[B]

I think it was his most.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

See, Tron. Tron is Bruce Boxleitner. I swear.

[A]

Okay, but you don't have to swear.

[C]

I'm not allowed to.

[B]

His album was named Trans.

[A]

Trans.

[C]

That's quite different. Tron. Bruce refers to Brock. Oh, hang that. That's not right. Yes, he played. He played the title character. Tron. Yes, Tron was him.

[A]

But then, wasn't the game also called Tron?

[C]

Yes, but like that. Remember, they personified the anthropomorphized a computer program. So it's like Woody becoming, you know, Woody from Toy Story. Is that not a good example?

[B]

My ears are so swollen.

[C]

The point is, your ears are swollen.

[B]

Yeah, it's traveled up to my ears.

[C]

What's going on? I don't.

[A]

The Benadryl is affecting you, but you're still ballooning up in various places.

[B]

Well, I think the Benadryl is helping push it up, push it out. Hopefully. Now it goes away.

[C]

I need to take you to the urgent care.

[B]

I think I'm worried about my. I'm worried about my ears after this.

[C]

You're worried about your ears after this?

[B]

Yeah, like, all deflated. You know, Walter Matthaus.

[A]

Oh, like, so they'll get all stretched out. Yeah, I see.

[C]

Oh, yeah. When the lobes get really low, that just.

[A]

That comes for us all, Doug.

[C]

It sure does.

[B]

I'm not ready.

[A]

No, I don't think you have to worry about that for a while.

[C]

All right, well, I am still going to try to take you to a. A, to an urgent care right after this, I think.

[A]

Yeah, give it a try. Give it a try.

[B]

We have to tip them and everything. All right.

[C]

We do. Oh, yeah, that's right.

[D]

Well, that's.

[C]

If we go to. Yeah, that's true.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

Unfortunately.

[A]

Always with their hand out.

[B]

We could go to the back of Justin's.

[C]

No, let's not do that. Let's never go back to Justin's again. All right, I have one more post. Sort of a curious post. This is from Sammy.

[A]

Sammy.

[C]

And Sammy says hello, neighbors. Hoping you having a great day. Evening. We will be making nuns puffs for the holiday season or any special occasion. Sold by dozen. Make your order in advance with a free delivery at your front door. DM for details. Has anyone heard of these? And here they are. They look like Honeycomb cereal, do they not?

[A]

They do.

[B]

Big.

[A]

Big. Big.

[C]

Big, Big, big what?

[A]

They're not small, big honeycomb cereal.

[C]

I send this picture to you. Yeah, but.

[B]

Whoa. Various sizes.

[A]

And that's not just the Benadryl talking.

[C]

Now what in the world? Why would the name come up that way? What is a nun's puff?

[A]

They don't look puffy.

[C]

Burn. You have some experience with the Catholic Church? Can you have any insight into this?

[A]

Well, I know that there was a confection that I remember hearing about. What was it called? The nun bun, which was a black cinnamon bun. And it wasn't burnt. It wasn't, you know.

[C]

Okay. Like you love it.

[A]

Yeah, well, like I love. I used to love my toast. Yeah, it was. It tasted like a cinnamon bun. A little bit sulfuric, but it would be just black as night with bright white frosting on top.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And because it looked like a nun's habit.

[C]

Ah, the nun bun. I thought that would refer to, like, their hair or something. You know, like a hair bun.

[A]

I get what you're saying, but, you know, they all had short hair under there.

[C]

I guess that's true. So then why the Word bun. Oh, just because it's an actual bun. It's actual cinnamon bun. Sorry.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[B]

You took Benadryl, too.

[A]

We all did take Benadryl.

[C]

We all took shots of Benadryl. We haven't been clear about Benadryl.

[A]

Yes, but they were.

[C]

I want to go pass out and wake up in there. It sounds fun.

[A]

They were. N. Buns were delicious, but this sulfuric aftertaste to them did make them feel. I don't know how else to say, the satanic.

[C]

Oh, dear. Yeah, well, that had the opposite effect.

[A]

Yeah. Like they were. They were somehow a forbidden thing, and only nuns could make them. Oh, only nuns knew the recipe.

[C]

Do you think. Why would they make something that was so unpleasant to eat?

[A]

I think because they're angry.

[C]

Did they want people to think, ooh, it's a treat? But then all of a sudden, they felt close to Satan and they were like, oh, that's why candy ate treats.

[A]

I think they wanted to let people know, my life is hell. This is a taste of my life.

[C]

Oh, dear. Now, these puffs, they look kind of delightful.

[A]

They do.

[C]

If I had to guess, I would just say that maybe it's, like, supposed to be like the stained glass window of a ch.

[D]

Church.

[C]

Maybe.

[A]

Maybe.

[C]

Is that what it's supposed to be?

[B]

What's it called again? Nuns.

[C]

Nuns Puffs.

[B]

One word.

[C]

No, two. N U, N, S, N, U, N, Apostrophe. So it really is. It's be giving ownership of the nun.

[A]

So it's not nuns.

[C]

It is not nuns. It's not a nun's puff.

[B]

They're not very puffy.

[A]

No, they're not.

[C]

They're not.

[A]

They're not very puffy. They look stiff.

[B]

They look stale.

[C]

Yes, they look stiff and stale. They look stiff and stale. Like a nun.

[A]

That's what.

[C]

Maybe these things. Maybe this is what. Oh, I know what it is. It's just like the cinnamon bun. But instead, this looks like the lightest, like, meringue in the world. Right. Like it's gonna be. So this is. And you bite into it. Cracks your teeth. I bet you anything these nuns.

[B]

These nuns makes you regret eating it.

[A]

Yes. Like the nuns regret becoming nuns.

[C]

I'm staying away from any nun related treat from now on after this anecdote in this post.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

I think that's the takeaway.

[A]

Absolutely. Buyer beware. Caveat.

[C]

Baking and religion don't mix.

[A]

Do you think there's any nuns who.

[C]

Are like, there's a lot of baking, of course, in religion. I'm aware of that. Don't come at me.

[A]

Well, the Eucharist. Do you think there's any.

[B]

Not a lot of leavening.

[A]

Not a lot of leavening.

[C]

Not a lot of leavening. Wasn't that an Elvis song?

[A]

Yeah. Too much conversation. Not a lot of leaves. All right, well, that does it for this episode of the Neighborhood Listen. Thank you all for listening. If you'd like to hear ad free episodes and get access to our bonus episodes which are all very fun, you can go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus tier and you will get that extra special content. And I think that's it.

[C]

That's it until next week. Goodbye and bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[A]

The Neighborhood list is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins and me.

[B]

Nicole Parker and me Brett Morris.

[C]

This episode's guest was played by Annie Sirtik.

[A]

The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[C]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maxima subscribers. Your support keeps the.