From Coyotes To Mail Theft with Chris Renfro

Summary

The Neighborhood Listen

Episode: From Coyotes To Mail Theft with Chris Renfro

Date: May 5, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this thoroughly ridiculous yet heartfelt episode, hosts Burnt Mia Peday (Paul F. Tompkins), Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker), and Doug (Brett Morris) dig into the latest oddities from the Dignity Falls neighborhood app, including mysterious animal sightings and mail theft. The main feature: an interview with the highly unusual Shelley Shelby Shaw (Chris Renfro), a self-confessed neighborhood “vigilante” known as Spooky Cat or Coyote Roaming. Themes of identity, community contribution, and deeply personal revelations run wild—much like the episode’s tangents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Neighborhood Banter and Character Catch-up

[00:53–11:20]

• Burnt and Joan update on their lives, referencing Joan’s desire to mentor in theater (“I could give a lot more of myself creatively...not just me, me, me on stage” – Joan, 02:47).
• Extended riffs on the etymology of “actress,” “actor,” “Actrix,” and other gendered terms, peppered with jokes about John Kerry, John Carradine, and dominatrix terminology.
• Doug is physically podcasting from the house’s old-fashioned furnace, prompting a wild tangent about their historic home, inscriptions, burning furnaces, “rune hounds,” and Greek philosophers (07:16–09:14).
• Discussion of local nightlife (drag Scrabble at the Dignity Falls Tavern) and why Scrabble should feature runes or Elvish letters (10:32–12:28).

2. Entertainment, Streaming, and Social Media Trends

[12:29–22:43]

• The hosts discuss binge-watching shows together vs. alone, dealing with spoilers, and the modern social phenomenon of filming reactions to TV show events (esp. Game of Thrones’ ‘Red Wedding’ – 21:19).
• Detours into Simmin challenge fails, sea shanty TikToks, and Doug’s lack of connection with contemporary memes (“I’m about ten years behind on social media,” – Joan, 22:06).

3. Neighborhood App Post Highlight: "Spooky Cat or Coyote"

[29:34–30:14]

• Listener Amanda Cunningham submits a cryptic neighborhood app post: “Spooky cat or coyote roaming the neighborhood, checking for Amazon packages.”
• The hosts speculate humorously about an animal specifically seeking Amazon packages.

4. Interview: Shelley Shelby Shaw, AKA "Spooky Cat or Coyote Roaming"

[30:22–77:32]

Shelley Introduces Herself

• Shelley reveals she IS the "spooky cat or coyote" from the app, but is in fact a person, not an animal (“I am, in fact, spooky cat or coyote roaming” – Shelley, 31:21).
• Claims to be a vigilante protecting vulnerable Amazon packages.

Origin Story, Name, and Methods

• Grew up as an only child in a “lower upper middle class” neighborhood, rubbing shoulders with other only-child families, all sharing an uncomfortably high number of bathrooms (“12 of us, and there were only 15 bathrooms...But only one soaking tub!” – Shelley, 33:39).
• Started vigilantism late—at 36—after a series of bizarre careers, including self-designated third-party Kroger grocer and a zero-call orthopedic surgeon call center operator (“That really put me into debt because I took out a loan to make the call center” – Shelley, 45:09).
• The costume morphed after a sinkhole accident: half-cat, half-coyote, with a Jigsaw (Saw movie) mask and a single-use costume policy (36:40–38:03).

Vigilante Activity: Package Protection

• Shelley’s method: “I’m leaving my scent on them. Obviously.” (50:00)
  • This “scent marking” is achieved by urinating on packages to ward off potential thieves (“So I pee on the packages.” – 51:02).
• Claims to be inspired by both Batman and natural animal behaviors—fusing heroism with biological marking.
• Frequently chased by arch-enemy “Dubious Dog”, whose motivations are less clear (56:14).

Motivation, Conflicts, and Community Perception

• Strong emotional investment in “helping the most vulnerable in our community...helpless, inert Amazon packages” (48:28).
• Hosts probe Shelley about the obvious downsides: the reaction of homeowners, camera evidence, and the uncomfortable side effects for package recipients.
• Suggests a notional app (“Peter Pon”) to spread the package “protection” method, but faces legal barriers and discover Peter Pon is already a Lebanese dating app (58:41–59:10).

Notable Quote

• “Would you want to touch a soaked and smelly cardboard package?” – Shelley, 54:22

Vulnerability and Desire

• Underneath it all, admits her deepest desire is to be peed on by someone else: “My deepest desire is to feel the inner love and warmth of another human being in any form that may take, but preferably piss” (67:28).
• The group shares their own secrets in a touching, comic roundtable (68:41–70:46).

5. Personal Revelations & Massive Plot Twist

[71:38–83:02]

• Burnt reveals he actually has a long-lost twin brother (Turnt), only discovered ten years ago, raised apart in neighboring New Barn. (“I have a twin brother...We were not raised together, so I thought I was an only child until 10 years ago.” – 71:43)
• Details the strange origin—parents assumed they’d divorce, so separated the twins, then reconciled, leaving the other twin with kindly elderly adopters, who eventually “drove until they became skeletons” in a dark Fastball “The Way” reference.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Actress Terminology Tangent:

• “Sometimes I think, oh, I’m taking on the word actress, because yes, I’m a woman...So maybe you could have both by saying actoress.” – Joan, 04:18

On Only Children:

• “Some people even go as far as to say it’s the worst hand you could be dealt.” – Shelley, 39:08

Vigilante Confession:

• “I am, in fact, spooky cat or coyote roaming.” – Shelley, 31:21
• “So I pee on the packages.” – Shelley, 51:02

Community Good–or Not:

• “What have you done for the community?” – Shelley challenging Joan’s focus on real estate, 51:27

Desire Exposed:

• “My name is Shelley Shelby Shaw, and I want to be peed on. That requires the help of someone else.” – 66:55

Burnt’s Secret:

• “I have a twin brother.” – Burnt, 71:43

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Banter / Character Updates: 00:53–11:20
• Pop Culture & Streaming Habits: 12:29–22:43
• Neighborhood Post Reveal: 29:34–30:14
• Shelley Interview Begins: 30:22
• Shelley’s Origin Story: 32:04–40:11
• Unveiling the Vigilante Method: 49:52–54:57
• Arch-Nemesis Dubious Dog: 56:13–57:20
• Full Admission of Kink & Group Secrets: 66:55–70:45
• Burnt’s Twin Brother Reveal: 71:38–74:30; deeper follow-up 80:17–86:17
• Show Wrap-up and Final Post: 88:22–95:15

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Tone & Style

The episode is dense with improv-driven absurdity, surreal confessions, and pop culture references, blending silly and sincere. The hosts’ dynamic is warm but chaotic, with plenty of off-topic digressions, comic bickering, and supportive vulnerability. Shelley Shelby Shaw’s earnest, awkward explanations are both played for laughs and treated with surprising gentleness, as the group affirms the importance of sharing hidden truths—even if your truth is “preferably piss.”

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Conclusion

This episode embodies The Neighborhood Listen’s unique formula: starting with a bizarre neighborhood rumor, expanding into imaginative backstories and emotional nuance, and ultimately celebrating the oddball community tapestry of Dignity Falls. Listeners are left laughing, perhaps a bit queasy, but—thanks to an unlikely moment of personal catharsis—oddly uplifted.

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“We do not, on this show, we do not kink shame. But we do kink. Okay? Whatever.”
– Burnt, 67:47

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Transcript

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[Nicole Parker]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[Nicole Parker]

Occasionally, we change the names of some

[Paul F. Tompkins]

streets and that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[Nicole Parker]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood Listen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Knock, knock.

[Nicole Parker]

Who's there?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Your neighbor Good.

[Nicole Parker]

In Dignity Fall, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half AV and us, Vern and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.

[Nicole Parker]

We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Welcome once again to the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents. I am one such resident. My name is Burnt Me A payday. A little bit about me. I'm the pharmacist in chief at the Dignity Falls machine. Dignity Falls, and maybe the United States premier pharmacy. I'm very proud of the work we do and the building itself.

[Nicole Parker]

And with me, as always, is Joan Pedestrian. A lot about me. I am the top realtor. Bring it here. In Dignity Falls, I'm also the top local actress, meaning I love to do community plays at Dignity Falls Playhouse. I am offer only. And I am exploring the other sides of me, like the writing side, the creative side. I'd like to get into some teaching. I really just brand new information. Well, I told you it's gonna be a lot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I thought you were talking to them and it wouldn't be so much for me.

[Nicole Parker]

No, turns out I had some news for you, too.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, this is exciting.

[Nicole Parker]

You know, it was probably because of our last. One of our last guests, a sweet young girl, Barbara Nordquist. And I think she needs theater. And it just made me think, oh, I can give so much of myself, you know, not only as an actor or actress, but I could actually shift.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you mean to say actress?

[Nicole Parker]

I did mean to say actress.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I always, you know, it's that thing where I have a really hard time and I flip flop on the actor. Actress thing. Right. John Carradine, because it's. Did John Carradine flip flop a lot?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

John Kerry, don't you remember? They called him a flip flopper. They held flip flops at the.

[Nicole Parker]

Sorry, I thought you said Carradine. And so I Was confused.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

John. Could you imagine? John Carradine, flip flops.

[Nicole Parker]

John Kerry. What a long face.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, Very long, long face.

[Nicole Parker]

Just so much going on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So. And so little at the same time.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Anyways, I just realized, oh, I could give a lot more of myself creatively. It doesn't just have to be me, me, me on stage all the time. Time, time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You want to be a mentor.

[Nicole Parker]

I love that. Yeah, that's the word. Oh. But what I was gonna say is, you know, back in the day, we were. Are you upset it went back?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no.

[Nicole Parker]

You sounded exhausted.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was caught off guard.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. I'm right here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, caught off guard by what it felt like. Well, I. I forgot that you were. That's what you were originally talking about. The actor or actress.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then it felt like I was in the passenger seat of a car that made a sudden swerve.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. And your seatbelt went. Oh. And it won't let me move for the next five seconds. Doug hates it when I grab the thing, because if we're going on, like, a cloverleaf sort of turn or whatever, and if I grab it, because sometimes he does take it a little fast. Hard. Oh, he just gets so mad. He goes, what do you say, babe?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, Doug, what do you say?

[Doug]

I'm just turning. I'm not Mr. Toad.

[Nicole Parker]

That's what he says. That's my husband, Doug. By the way, I almost said dustbin hug.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And isn't that cute? I think that's very cute. That's the thing you could say around the house to him.

[Nicole Parker]

I need a Desmond hug. You know what I feel badly about? I almost went to do Elizabeth McGovern from Downton Abbey, but we did that last season.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, we called a moratorium on it one time. All right.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, could I please have a Desmond hug? See, it was worth it. Okay, I won't do it again. But you know what? What you said was the word actoress, and that's what I was actually saying.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because that's what you said.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. And that. But by accident. But now I'm thinking, that's a great way to say it, because sometimes I think, oh, I'm taking on the word actress. Because, yes, I'm a woman. I'm an actress. But then sometime women are like, no actor is the actual profession. We all should be actors. So maybe you could have both by saying actoress. Maybe I'm gonna start trying it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't know if that's both, though, because you're saying. But then everybody has to adopt that.

[Nicole Parker]

No, no, just women.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm dubious of this.

[Nicole Parker]

It's still something for us. Can't women have things that are for us?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I understand. What about. I always thought it should be Actrix.

[Nicole Parker]

Actrix?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, like aviatrix.

[Nicole Parker]

That sounds like a space movie or. Exactly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tricks. Actrix.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Where do you get Actrix? What's that about?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

From, like, Aviatrix. From Executrix. Words that end.

[Nicole Parker]

I feel like I've never heard these words.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you're hearing them now. What does that mean again? Words that end in t O R, you know, positions. If you. If you. If they end in tor, that's for a man. And for a woman it would be ras.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, Dominatrix. That's the one. I know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I should have said that first.

[Nicole Parker]

Thank you. I mean, you know me now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do they call them Dominators?

[Doug]

Did you say Doug? Do they call him.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no, no. We were talking to you this time.

[Doug]

I really heard that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I said now. Do you consider yourself the epitome of now?

[Doug]

Why not? There's no time like it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I have no answer to that.

[Nicole Parker]

Babe. Do you want to tell us where you are?

[Doug]

I guess I want to.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Doug]

Could you let us know where you're at? I'm in the furnace.

[Nicole Parker]

The furnace?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're in the furnace?

[Nicole Parker]

Wait, what?

[Doug]

Well, the furnace. Yeah. I'm not.

[Nicole Parker]

I didn't know we still had a furnace.

[Doug]

I'm not laying over a bunch of coals, you know, on fire.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't know. That's what I was picturing.

[Doug]

Okay, so you're.

[Nicole Parker]

You're in the. We have a fashioned furnace.

[Doug]

We have an old fashioned furnace. I thought it would be a good way to power the house, especially during, you know, times of need.

[Nicole Parker]

Times of need? What are you expecting?

[Doug]

Well, we talked about the incident might

[Nicole Parker]

happen, but you know what? Burton said that it actually is looking pretty good now.

[Doug]

It's been only two.

[Nicole Parker]

Should we check in first? Hang on. I'm sorry. I have to talk about the furnace again. Where is it and how long have we had it?

[Doug]

I discovered it. It's been there for a long time.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Doug]

Before we even got the house.

[Nicole Parker]

I think that's very loud in my ear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It almost sounds like a fireplace.

[Nicole Parker]

It does sound like a fireplace.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's wild to me that it sounds more like a fireplace than a furnace.

[Doug]

My read on this is that it's intensive and close. Burning coal in the furnace.

[Nicole Parker]

That's your read on it. Good read.

[Doug]

You're just not hearing the full sound.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I guess I'm not Familiar with coal burning furnaces?

[Nicole Parker]

I'm not. I didn't know they made this much noise.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, I guess they were.

[Nicole Parker]

It honestly sounds like there's meat on a spit and it's turning. That's what I'm picturing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. I mean this is just the. The up closeness and intensity of a coal burning furnace.

[Nicole Parker]

I guess so.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Doug]

There's a little bit low on coal. Time for a run.

[Nicole Parker]

A coal run.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How. How old is this house? I guess I've never asked that. That you would discover a coal burning furnace.

[Nicole Parker]

It was. Here's. Here's what's interesting. It was. And this was what's crazy. It almost sort of pretended about my family.

[Doug]

It's a bit of a.

[Nicole Parker]

It was. It was built in 1801.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Nicole Parker]

But then it burnt to the ground in 1955.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh no.

[Nicole Parker]

And then they rebuilt it. So, I mean, I guess the land. What do you say? I mean there was only. You know, the only thing was left was the chimney. Of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. That's a long time for it to just be. Charred building.

[Nicole Parker]

Charred building.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

1801-1955. When did they rebuild?

[Doug]

That's when it finally burned down. Because it was burning slow and people just kept living.

[Nicole Parker]

It was slow. It took a year. It took a year.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So part of the house to burn. Part of the house was burning. People were like.

[Nicole Parker]

They'd walk around the family and they're like, you smell something, you know. And that. That went on for six months.

[Doug]

It's a bit of a Theseus situation.

[Nicole Parker]

Remind me of Theseus. Babe.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Theseus. If you. If you are replacing parts on a. On a ship, you know, you have to regularly replace parts on a ship. Eventually it gets to a point. Where is it the original ship anymore?

[Nicole Parker]

Got it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Got it. Yes. Can you still call it Theseus?

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or is that where the shield is from?

[Doug]

Theseus.

[Nicole Parker]

How did you know about Theseus? Babe?

[Doug]

I know. I know Theseus. Why would I know Theseus? I know Pythagoras. I know Theseus.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You did not ask that question. That's very interesting.

[Doug]

Testocles.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. He just wanted to get that in. Oh boy. Oh boy.

[Doug]

Gotcha.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He didn't really answer the question.

[Nicole Parker]

Of course he didn't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He just said he knows these things from my readings. From your readings. Your many readings.

[Doug]

There are inscriptions in parts of the house that indicate it might be much, much older than 1801.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Despite the burning down.

[Nicole Parker]

The inscriptions are.

[Doug]

Well, they're surviving stones.

[Nicole Parker]

There was a basement that remains. There was a basement that remained it

[Paul F. Tompkins]

didn't burn down the chimney.

[Nicole Parker]

The chimney? Yeah. There's lots of inscriptions on the chimney.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So there's, there's runes, there's runes.

[Doug]

There's all kinds of loves runes.

[Nicole Parker]

You can't get enough of them. He's a real rune hound.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, we talk about runes sometimes.

[Nicole Parker]

Do you really? Hey, did you guys ever go to the Dinie Fells Tavern? Did you go and have a drink last night?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We did.

[Nicole Parker]

That's great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We did. We had a great time. It was drag Scrabble, The most low key drag event that I've ever witnessed. It was very quiet.

[Doug]

A lot of frustration.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just a lot of frustration. Just a lot of hush conversations at these various tables. And the Queen had nothing to do really. It was just like strolling and checking

[Nicole Parker]

in on people, just putting her hand on their.

[Doug]

When people are that drunk, it's amazing how bad at Scrabble they are.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, sure. Yeah, I bet the words are very short.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All of the games were just called off eventually they kept. They kept the tavern open for an extra hour and then they said, okay, you gotta get out of here.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, it still sounds like he had a good time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, we had a great time.

[Doug]

We were following up on that. We were. We had a long discussion about how Scrabble should have runes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that's what it came to. Why? Can you explain what that means?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you know, they. They do these different monopolies, you know, themed monopolies.

[Nicole Parker]

God, there's too many docs and Monopoly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I agree.

[Doug]

Do Monopoly.

[Nicole Parker]

Docs and monopolies.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Docs and monopolies. All docs.

[Nicole Parker]

I met your mother. Monopoly. Billions. Monopoly. It's ridiculous.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ballers. Monopoly. Elizabeth Warren loves that one. And we were saying like, why not an Elvish Scrabble?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, okay. Well, that would be for you too. You guys love all that stuff so much. Are you really that versed in Elvish?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm not is the problem. And so I think it would.

[Nicole Parker]

And why did you think it'd be a great idea? Was this because you were drunk?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I mean, admittedly I was blackout drunk.

[Doug]

I mean, it would expand your options a lot in Scrabble.

[Nicole Parker]

I guess so.

[Doug]

Well, this is where it's in Elvish.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug and I parted ways because Doug thought it should be like a more Elvish version where it would be all the. The English Alphabet, but also some runes.

[Doug]

Some runes? Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I was saying I think it should be all or nothing and you should either have Elvish Scrabble or no Scrabble.

[Doug]

See, I Just don't think that's realistic, because I think if elves were among us, they would probably speak some form of Elfglish.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're saying if they have. If they had not departed the plane of man.

[Doug]

Sure.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean, it's very niche. But to be fair, I have. I thought before about wanting to just do all musical theater Scrabble, you know, and any word you make has to be a lyric. Either a word from a Sondheim song or the name of a performer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

So in this case, proper. Proper names are. Are, like, allowed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you couldn't get away with, like.

[Nicole Parker]

You could do LuPone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

And then you could do, like, Starlight, because you could also do titles of song of shows. Starlight Express. You remember the Andrew Lynn Webber one?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I thought you limited it to Sondheim.

[Nicole Parker]

I know I did, but then I forgot. The third category is titles of shows, including title of show.

[Doug]

Does that mean you could just do, like, O, exclamation point?

[Nicole Parker]

No, because that's not the whole title. Are you thinking of O, Mary?

[Doug]

I'm thinking of a lyric.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, which. Which lyric?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no, no, but which lyric is just oh, apostrophe? I just feel like that's not Sondheim canon.

[Doug]

That's not Sondheim canon.

[Nicole Parker]

An oh, apostrophe. No. The only place that appears is Brigadoon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know what I.

[Doug]

Look.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know what I love is really ancient songs, like, medieval songs, because they will be songs that start with and. Or. Or now.

[Nicole Parker]

Don't you think it's kind of weird, this whole sea shanty thing that happens? Like, it's a whole vibe now online.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel it's passed. Has it come back? Oh, it was big.

[Nicole Parker]

Or maybe I'm just behind. Remember, I'm very behind. I'm about five years behind on social media.

[Doug]

Manicured men with auto tune.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The way that sounds like a seashant.

[Nicole Parker]

Manicured men with autism.

[Doug]

The way I see shanty should properly sound over zoom.

[Nicole Parker]

Over zoom.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, because they were doing it in quarantine.

[Nicole Parker]

I am very behind. I mean, I only tried to do the Simmin challenge last week.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How'd it go?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, it's terrible.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is there anything better than that one English sportscaster guy?

[Nicole Parker]

Now this. See, I'm not gonna know this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, he didn't see what the big deal was about the cinnamon challenge. And he takes a gigantic spoonful of cinnamon. The cloud that he coughs out is

[Nicole Parker]

so big, it's still floating over the ocean somewhere.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, they say. They say it's now in our water.

[Nicole Parker]

They say it's nigh on over Madagascar, worldwide.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Everybody's water tastes a little bit. Bit like cinnamon.

[Nicole Parker]

So burnt. You're saying. Last week you said that the incident that your girlfriend Gabby is keeping at bay with her fellow smoke jumpers and I guess, I don't know, Secret Service might not happen. Now, how's it looking?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's not looking as good as it was last week. Oh, no. The. The. The. What we're calling the. The sort of doorbell of the incident is. Is gaining ground, and it's.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm sorry I made.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So please don't make that face.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I just can't take.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Don't shoot the messenger.

[Nicole Parker]

I can't. This feels very stranger things. I can't take these weird, cryptic things that you're saying. What does gaining ground mean? What does doorbell mean?

[Doug]

The doorbell of the incident.

[Nicole Parker]

What's the doorbell?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, the doorbell of the incident. It's sort of like you if the. Okay, so there's stages. All right. So right now.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Is that Doug. Are you just being a doorbell?

[Doug]

Well, I'm just picturing. I'm really getting. Wrapping my mind around this.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, but just. Are you answering? He didn't answer my question.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't even know what's going on.

[Doug]

I'm picturing. That's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What are you wrapping your mind around?

[Nicole Parker]

Here's what happens sometimes. You said the word doorbell, and ever since, that song's been going on in his head.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, Joan, I know.

[Nicole Parker]

Come out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The whole Joan. I know.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, then why are you even. We're asking.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I guess I'm just trying to reason with Doug.

[Nicole Parker]

I get it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

But, you know, it's always gonna. That's not.

[Doug]

It's a classic song.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It is a classic song. Classic song.

[Doug]

You think the first lyric of that song is, everybody get out of the

[Paul F. Tompkins]

floor because it's time for Winchester doorbell. And yes, we're gonna play the second half.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, so. But what does that mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The doorbell of the incident means that we will know. It's. It's closer than we thought. It's. It's a point where we realize, oh, my God, It's. It's about to happen. Like a doorbell ringing. So means there's someone on the other side of the door.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, but usually that's too late. When. When it's already at your door.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's too late, but you have to open the door.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Oh, God, I don't even know what are we talking about.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Get to a point. Well, I can't say that, but we get to a point where the incident is about to happen, do we open the door or not? Can we keep the door closed?

[Nicole Parker]

Is this supernatural or not?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why are you asking me?

[Nicole Parker]

This boy, his pupils got really small right before

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Joan.

[Nicole Parker]

He answered. It was a strange physical reaction. It's just something I noticed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can't believe you call attention to that.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, your pupils puckered.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, Joan. Now I'm very self conscious.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I'm sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I didn't know I had to tell

[Nicole Parker]

because I don't know anything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't need to be scared for now.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, God.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, look, you're my friends.

[Nicole Parker]

Of course, if something you're gonna let us know if we have to, like. Okay. All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If Abby lets me know. If Gabby lets me know.

[Nicole Parker]

All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She gets to a point where she can't say anything.

[Nicole Parker]

How often are you seeing her?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We are video conferencing using Cisco telesystems. Once a day. It used to be more frequent, but now it's once a day.

[Nicole Parker]

And where is she again?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do not know. She blurs out her background.

[Nicole Parker]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Which she said she would do anyway. If we were teleconferencing and there was no incident happening.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, sure, fine. All right. Well, I keep hoping to get more information and I just come away more confused and more scared. But I guess I'll just keep going like life is normal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's exactly what. That's exactly what we all have to do right now.

[Nicole Parker]

We're not already in a paradise, are we? Are we in a paradise situation?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you mean are we an underground city? No, we're not.

[Doug]

We'd have no way of knowing, mind you.

[Nicole Parker]

I've only seen 45 minutes of the whole entire series.

[Doug]

You already got there.

[Nicole Parker]

You want to know why?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why?

[Nicole Parker]

Because it started buffering and then it would never. It would never go. And then I've gone back out and I come back days later and you will always cut up. No, it won't let me see the end of the first episode. So I don't really know what I'm talking about, baby, but I was riveted. I really needed to know more. And now, unfortunately, I've already seen, you know, stuff for the second season. I'm like, well, Shailene Woodley shows up at some point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. When I. She does.

[Nicole Parker]

She does.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And when I. I watched the first episode.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And it worked on your computer. I guess I was. Well, I watched it on my television.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I'm old fashioned.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't like watching everything I have to be curled up in bed to watch something now, and I need it right in my face.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I watched the first episode, and it gets to the end. So the first episode concerns the murder of the President of the United States.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think, wow, that's juicy, treacherous. It's treacherous. Of course.

[Nicole Parker]

Juicy. Treacherous.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then when I got to the end, and it's moving back and forth in time. Right.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Then it gets to the end, it's revealed. We're in an underground city.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I said, you know what? Too many things. I can't watch. This show

[Nicole Parker]

overwhelmed. You just. You need it. You need it, simple.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But then I went back and I started watching it again, and I. I enjoyed it.

[Nicole Parker]

You liked it this time?

[Doug]

I really like it. I've been watching it without you.

[Nicole Parker]

With what?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no, I didn't know that.

[Nicole Parker]

I hate it when that happens. You know, I've had so much. You know, I've been trying for a year to finish this episode now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Every couple, I believe, has separate shows and then shows they must watch together.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And if you don't watch it together, it's a betrayal.

[Nicole Parker]

It is. This is sort of in between. It's a gray area. But it's just that he knows I've been trying to sort of get through to the end of this first episode.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know what I've done with Gabby? She's traveling sometimes.

[Nicole Parker]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'll just go ahead and watch the show we're supposed to watch together.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Does she know that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah, I'll tell her.

[Nicole Parker]

And what did she say?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The pushback is so slight. We don't need to be doing this. It really.

[Nicole Parker]

You watch it on the phone together. It could be a little. Maybe erotic. I'm watching. Are you watching Netflix and phone sex?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That sounds bleak.

[Nicole Parker]

Netflix and chill's already a thing, so, you know, it's not that far a step.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I understand the concept. I'm saying it sounds bleak, but I. So I told her, like, you know what? I went ahead and watched the next two episodes of the show that we watched together, and she went, oh.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's kind of it. What are you gonna do?

[Nicole Parker]

I think you left out. That's not always the reaction.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's really not. It really. Everything snaps into focus. This is not that big a deal,

[Nicole Parker]

you know, here's the other one that's awful for a couple, which is like, for example, Doug read all the Game of Thrones books. Okay. Way before there was a series.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why did you do that?

[Nicole Parker]

No, because there was never gonna be. I see what you'. But anyways, he read them way before the show, and then he just sat and watched me an inch away from my face. And then the red one, he had, like, a phone right in my face. He could. No, you got. You got out the old camcorder and he had. You had it right in my face.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Why?

[Nicole Parker]

And I was like, why? Because he wanted to capture every reaction. Because, you know, there was that obnoxious point where it was like, oh, but if you're someone who read the books and now you're watching someone who doesn't see the show. And everyone filmed everybody because they were smug and they already knew.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, really?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, yes. You missed this time.

[Doug]

I wasn't smart, remember?

[Nicole Parker]

I'm, like 10 years behind on social media.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But, I mean, how would they know the pacing of the television show?

[Nicole Parker]

They can tell by, like. Because I'm pretty sure that some of the episodes are named certain things. Like, I believe Red Wedding, Everybody.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But then you have to. You have to What? You have to. You have to. You have to film them for the entirety of the episode.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. People did. What are you talking about? People stick a camera in a lake to show, like, the northern lights for 24 hours. Everyone. People film their entire lives.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's worthwhile, though.

[Nicole Parker]

I know, but people. To catch the moment. People are never turning off their phones, you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Boy, that's true, Joan.

[Nicole Parker]

Talk about bleak.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Boy, that's true. People do not turn off their phones.

[Nicole Parker]

Your pupils are back again. They're normal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, can we stop talking about my pupils for five seconds?

[Nicole Parker]

Sorry, I didn't know that was gonna be a hang up for you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Speaking of measurements of time, Doug, how long have we been recording?

[Nicole Parker]

We're probably enough.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's see. We were enough.

[Nicole Parker]

What's that sound? Is that the furnace?

[Doug]

Babe, it is hot in here, I'll tell you.

[Nicole Parker]

You should get out of there.

[Doug]

It's probably good.

[Nicole Parker]

It's not good. I mean, unless you think of it as a sauna.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's good that it's sounding more like a furnace.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, that's definitely good.

[Doug]

22 minutes.

[Nicole Parker]

No, that's fine. That's fine. Yeah, let's end it here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's call it. All right, we will. When we return, we'll have a guest right here on the Neighborhood. Listen.

[Nicole Parker]

Hi, everyone. It's Nicole. How are you? Look, lately I've been more intentional about what I wear from the day to day. Because here's the thing. I do a lot of podcasts, so sometimes I Don't think it matters what I wear, but I think Paul and Brett notice when I wear the same outfit, maybe back to back. Don't tell them I told you that and don't say anything about it. But I learned that I should be leaning into pieces that feel effortless and comfortable but still put together. Because it just makes getting dressed simpler to have go to's and Quince is my go to. The fabrics feel elevated, the fits are flattering, and everything just works without overthinking it. And here's the thing. Quince makes it easy to refresh your everyday spring with pieces that feel as good as they look because they use premium materials like 100% European linen, organic cotton and ultra soft denim. Their lightweight linen pants, dresses and tops start at $30. They are effortless, breathable, and easy to wear on repeat, which I like. Everything at quints is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality and craftsmanship. No brand markup. Now here's the thing. I've mentioned that I've gotten sunglasses. I've mentioned that I've gotten a great shirt. I've clothes for myself. I've gotten amazing pants for my kid who is very active. And those pants hold up, baby. But you know what? Summer is coming and I didn't even realize Quince has bathing suits. Did you know this? I didn't know this. I didn't know this. No one told me. Why did no one tell me? It's fine. It's okay. I'm all right. But I just got a one piece. Sorry, I had to swallow cause I got so worked up. I just got a one piece Italian cut and it is so cute. Swimsuit. And it is so cute. I love it. And I would really encourage you to go look at them because bathing suits be expensive, y'.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

All.

[Nicole Parker]

They are expensive. These are very, very affordable. I can't recommend them enough. So refresh your everyday with luxury. You'll actually use head to quince.comt&l for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com TNL for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com TNL

[Danielle]

hi everybody. This is Danielle and I have a 1970 Ideal Velve doll. Growing hair doll family, Chrissy's cousin. It's for $50 and this was just something we love to play with. Me and my sister when we were little girls and there's a lot of things, I just. I guess they didn't strike me as troublesome when we played with it. The thing that catches my attention immediately is, is that she has the blackest eyes of any doll I've ever seen. Just. Just black as night, black as hell. And you know, you would. You would put her on her face and you'd push her belly button or.

[Nicole Parker]

Or the.

[Danielle]

The belly button that's on her back, as you can see from the pictures. And then the hair would grow, although sometimes it wouldn't. We doll was alive not only because she would make noises when you push the button, but as you can see, she ended up having a reverse mullet, as you can see in the picture where she's on her tummy. She is. She's short in. In the back and very long, just on one side in the front. And her hair was different every time we saw her in the room. So we just started avoiding her. They also put a tattoo on her butt, which I didn't think was necessary. Any angle you look at it, it's disturbing. So if someone's a collector of horror movie dolls, this would be wonderful for your collection.

[Nicole Parker]

Thank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Gr. Welcome back to the neighborhood.

[Nicole Parker]

Listen, I'm sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Burnt.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm so sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What?

[Nicole Parker]

Because we got into this last week, but that sounded like you said grand welcome, babe. Did you hear that?

[Doug]

Grand welcome. Grand welcome sounds lovely.

[Nicole Parker]

I know. Did you hear that, babe?

[Doug]

Well, I felt it. I felt a grand welcome.

[Nicole Parker]

Doc is not answering any questions.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He really is very evasive.

[Nicole Parker]

Very evasive.

[Doug]

I do not mean to be evasive.

[Nicole Parker]

I think that you've been down there for too long. I think that it's messing with your head.

[Doug]

I'm sweating a lot.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, of course you are. What was the point of this furnace room anyways?

[Doug]

To power us during times of need, you know?

[Nicole Parker]

But you know how to do that. I mean, I didn't even.

[Doug]

Yeah, you shovel coal in. It's so beautiful and simple.

[Nicole Parker]

He's just thinking of that sequence in the Titanic movie when they're all shoveling and that camera goes through and he just. He never was able to get over the majesty of that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[Nicole Parker]

That's what he would say. The majesty of it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It really makes you think like, ah, yes, they had to do coal.

[Doug]

The furnace room.

[Nicole Parker]

I feel like a few people that that's his takeaway from that movie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because it's the whole takeaway.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, that's what he talks about.

[Doug]

Furnace rooms are at the. They're Often a part of stories, like old stories.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So now when you watch, you find

[Doug]

yourself in the furnace room. Something happens in that furnace room.

[Nicole Parker]

So you're just hoping something's gonna happen. Is that why you're down there after

[Paul F. Tompkins]

your first viewing of Titanic? You probably, since then, have not gotten to the second VHS tape.

[Doug]

I have not.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, you just.

[Nicole Parker]

After then, people don't realize that. That it was two VHS tapes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Big deal. And so Doug Rowley, after the furnace, the one glimpse of the first Titanic, seems to just turn it off.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, he doesn't know what happened.

[Doug]

Nothing really that bad happens, but, I mean, pretty beautiful if you look.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Seems like a nice stop right there. All right. We do have a guest here at the Kitchen Island. And as we do every week, we comb the neighborhap, the social networking application, for neighborhoods to look for interesting neighbors to talk to. Maybe they want to amplify their message. Maybe they want help with something. Maybe they need to address a controversy.

[Nicole Parker]

Ooh, I love that. That's fun. Controversy. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I can't help myself. So sorry. I miss it. I miss it. I miss doing it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug, you're. Cut that out.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now, this was submitted by a listener. If you would like to send us posts that you think we should talk about, screenshot it and send it to [e-mail] like Amanda Cunningham did. Thank you, Amanda. This post is just attributed to neighbor.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's in the crime and safety section. Spooky cat or coyote roaming the neighborhood, checking for Amazon packages.

[Nicole Parker]

Wow. And that's it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's goes from the vagueness of Spooky Cat or Coyote to the general, the very specific, checking for Amazon, the one

[Nicole Parker]

thing of which there's no doubt is that whatever creature it was, was checking on the package.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This could be anything from a cat to a coyote, but it was definitely looking for em. Amazon packages.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, who do we have today?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, please introduce yourself.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Hello. My name is Shelly Shelby Shaw.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Shelly Shelby Shaw.

[Nicole Parker]

What an amazing name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is. Now, is that. Is that two names or three names?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

It's one name.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Shelly Shelby Shaw.

[Nicole Parker]

Shelley Shelby Shaw.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Is it better to say it faster? Do you prefer that?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I really love it fast.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's fun to say. I have to say Shelly Shelby Shaw. So, Shelley Shelby Shaw.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Sss.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it is one word.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, no. Is that bad?

[Nicole Parker]

No, no, no, no, it's fine. I had to think about it for a minute. Okay. It was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It gave me pause for a second, too. I was like, wait, I think we're in the clear.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

And for. I always get that reaction, and I think. Okay, someone's not telling me something about myself right now.

[Nicole Parker]

No, no. Well, you have an interesting appearance, so can you describe yourself?

[Doug]

Yes.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So thank you for having me on today. I think that the folks on the neighborhap have been talking for a very long time, and it's. I felt it was time for me to reveal my identity.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

There's no more hiding after this particular post. I am, in fact, spooky cat or coyote roaming.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, what? Hold on now. Okay. I assumed you were the person who made this post.

[Nicole Parker]

So did I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No. Are you even a person at all?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I am a person. I would describe myself as something akin to a vigilante. I'm like a Batman or a spider man.

[Nicole Parker]

Because, yes, you appear to us in a corporeal form of a human. You do have a humanness about you, but you also have. There's something else going on. I can't quite put my finger on it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's something very feline and sort of canine about you.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yes. I'm an only child.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that explains it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, there we go.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. Yeah. I grew up in really, really humble beginnings. There's like a lower upper middle class up on the east side.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Lower upper middle class.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Lower upper middle class.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, yeah. Because lower upper middle class was over there on the upper Middle east side. That was where those people lived.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

And they had us all together.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, like in one house.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

We were in one.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Really? Okay, I will admit. Very big house.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

But we. We had to share bathrooms.

[Doug]

Oh.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

And we had a lot of bathrooms, but sometimes we had to share.

[Nicole Parker]

I have to ask, how do you share?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah. How many people and how many bathrooms there were.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

There were four families in the lower upper middle class housing, and all of us are only children, so I think all of you. So that's 12 people. I come from an unbroken family, as we all do. Oh, all of us do. So a mother and a father. Very, very regular. Very, very regular. Very regular down the line.

[Nicole Parker]

I wonder if we have the same definition of regular.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah, no, it's sort of what I would say, just completely normal.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. I'll take your word for it, I guess.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So there were 12 of us and there were only 15 bathrooms.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But you had to share.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Well, yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

That sounds like there's more than enough for everybody.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

There was only one soaking tub. We only had one soaking tub.

[Nicole Parker]

Big thing in your culture. I don't know if that's the word to use, but I.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Sorry. How else would you. How else would you soak?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't have a dedicated room for soaking in a tub. I mean, I usually like to take a shower. What about you?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you have a tub in your home?

[Nicole Parker]

I do, but right now it's used for storage.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do. I do have a. I have a shower in a separate tub.

[Nicole Parker]

I have all my play scripts in

[Paul F. Tompkins]

there in the tub.

[Doug]

So your shower just.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's like Carrie, Brad putting shoes in the oven.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Keep all your scripts in the tub.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

You know, I really relate to that. I also use one of my bathrooms as a bomb shelter.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh. Why is it need that?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Well, as a vigilante, you never know who might be coming after you.

[Nicole Parker]

So let's get into the village.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Vigilantes do have to be mindful of.

[Nicole Parker]

So are you going to paint us an origin story for us? Because you're. You're. You're growing up in this house where you don't have enough room for your own soaking tub.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't understand what that does to your psyche. But can you explain how hard what. Why. What the difficulty is of that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And may I ask a possibly related question?

[Nicole Parker]

Sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is Spooky Cat or Coyote your vigilante name?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Correct. Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

The whole thing, the whole title.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Spooky Cat or Kai? Well, Kai. Spooky Cat or Coyote. Roaming Coyote.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I'm so sorry. Spooky category.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

You're adding an unnecessarily implied comma.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I see. Spooky category. It's like a Native American name. Spooky Cat or Coyote.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Well, I don't want to go that far. I don't want to.

[Nicole Parker]

No, I understand. I'm just saying it's akin to that. I understand. Sss.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What did it say? I'm sorry. So sorry. Shelby Shaw.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Shelley. Shelby Shaw.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Shelley. Shelby Shaw. Shelley.

[Nicole Parker]

Shelby Shaw. Thank you, Shelly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Shelby Shaw.

[Nicole Parker]

Shelby Shaw. I guess what I mean to say is, is the idea that you always appear to people as one of the two or both at the same time. You know, where does the name come from? Because you clearly do have a costume.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I guess that's what I want to know.

[Nicole Parker]

Do you have a costume? Do you have a uniform?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Such an incredibly fair and honest question.

[Nicole Parker]

Thank you for that. Oh, wow. Thank you for valid.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

You for validating me.

[Nicole Parker]

You are welcome.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

You are welcome.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A little jealous.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So something about me is that because of my humble beginnings, I sometimes have to share a washer and. Or dryer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

And because of the way that I was Only able to get one of each type of costume. I would like to have two pairs, but that's just not the reality I live in as a lower upper middle class person.

[Nicole Parker]

So you have one of each costume. You have one spooky cat costume and one coyote roaming costume.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah, well, okay, I understand the confusion. So here's the thing. I started out as Emperor Meow, Emperor Miao.

[Nicole Parker]

Emperor Miao. I kind of love that.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

But as I learned on my first night on watch, as I say, as a vigilante on watch, in the neighborhood I, I tripped in. It was after the big storm, so I tripped and fell into what was like a sort of like a sinkhole or maybe call it quicksand.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We do have quicksand.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, we do. So, so annoying.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

It muddied the entire face of my costume in such a way that I had to take the top of the cat.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I see.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Uniform.

[Nicole Parker]

One half of it got damaged.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So I think the spooky moniker that we're seeing me being linked to is because I, I now when I use this costume that I'm actually wearing right now.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, oh, I can see that now.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I'm typically wearing a mask to hide my identity.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

But the only mask that I, I could get on time was on time. Have, have you seen the movie Saw?

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, yes, I've heard about it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Would you like to play a game?

[Nicole Parker]

Don't get burnt. Going burnt. Loves to do it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I love that guy.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

One of the best movies of the last.

[Doug]

Are you appreciating life enough?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a tremendous film. It really made me appreciate life. And when that little guy comes out on the tricycle, I mean, come on.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Exactly.

[Nicole Parker]

I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

This is the mask that I wear. So I understand you wear a jigsaw mask. I wear jigsaw masks. So people, I think rightfully, I understand. I don't like it, but I understand Spooky cat.

[Nicole Parker]

So, yeah, if I can look at it, it does look like a unitard with some fur on it. I thought it was just sort of a tank top, but now I'm seeing it goes all the way down. Do you have a tail on the back there? Is that a tail?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. I used to have like the proper

[Paul F. Tompkins]

tail, but, oh, it's just a little nubbin.

[Nicole Parker]

It's like a French dog's tail. French bulldog's tail.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Right now it is just an ear of corn that I had finished up from earlier. So it is quite nubby. I understand. I don't like it. But I understand.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can I.

[Nicole Parker]

Can I just ask, when did this vigilantism start?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And if I may build on that.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. I think we have a little something

[Paul F. Tompkins]

in common because I'm also an only child of only children. Is that the case for you as well? Absolutely, yes. So it's a very. It's extremely isolating. Isolating.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Terrifying.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Scary. Stinks.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Some people even go as far to say it's the worst hand that you could be dealt with.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't know about that. I don't know about that. You probably don't go.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Have to.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm sure there's a lot of only children listening that are like, I turned out pretty great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You wouldn't know about it.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I think I might know a little bit about it. But anyways.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But I also dabbled a little bit in vigilantism. My approach was I didn't wear a costume or anything. I just. I hid in places where I thought a crime might happen and I was prepared to, if I saw a crime about to be committed, just jump up and yell, hey. And make people at least think twice about what they were going to do.

[Nicole Parker]

Go bags everywhere around the town that had, I believe, ham sandwiches, batteries.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. I had cold cuts in there. I don't think that was related to the vigilantism. I think that was just a thing I was going through. But I did have to go around town and refresh those baggies.

[Nicole Parker]

You did. It became a problem.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I assume that you were probably very effective. I don't mean to paint a picture of you right now. You're not like, you're not 6 foot 2. No, you're not. Probably deadlifting. 300, 400 pounds.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was not in your main. Not doing that.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

May I say, the length of your fingers are quite impressive.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you. And I feel like that enabled.

[Nicole Parker]

No one's ever commented on your fingers.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, they haven't. My fingers are very long.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

They're incredibly long. Yeah. I would not want to mess with those fingers.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're really long. It's one of those.

[Doug]

You have an excellent.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You think I haven't heard that since that movie came out?

[Nicole Parker]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Don't you think every tattoo parlor I ever passed says, I know what you want?

[Nicole Parker]

I'm sorry. Go on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it was very effective for me to curl my fingers over the top of something and then pull up and go, hey. But now, here's the thing.

[Nicole Parker]

I thought about how difficult that must be for you, dealing with. With pills that are so Small all the time. And, and the fact that you guys wear gloves at the pharmacy, you had, probably had to have get special make.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do have to get special make gloves, and it's, it's very expensive and I'm not reimbursed for it.

[Nicole Parker]

That's terrible.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I imagine that you're incredible at climbing, though.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm pretty good at climbing. Yeah.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. No, no place is too hard for you to get up into.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, but the thing is, I have the opposite of the free solo guy where I'm, I'm, I don't want to do that.

[Nicole Parker]

And you know what, and you know what fear is and you feel it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know what fear is. I feel it. But I, I, so I don't even know if I ever prevented a crime because I, I never even got the chance to yell, hey. Nobody showed up at any of the places where I thought crimes were going to happen.

[Nicole Parker]

They probably were walking by and was good we were going to do a crime. They're like, oh, this guy already beat me here. Then was probably more scared of you than, than you were of them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was hiding. Do you think I hit that bad?

[Nicole Parker]

I think some people might have seen you at some point because a finger might have been sticking out that you weren't aware of. I'm not trying to. It's not a dig on you. It's just a logical.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel like you're having a little, you're taking this opportunity to have a little fun. Talked about my fingers. Expense.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay, so then, first of all, we just need to get to the bottom of when it started. Was it when you were a child in that house? And how did you learn to be a vigilante? Was this in your family? I, I, I need to understand the origins.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then I would love to know what your methods are.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Absolutely.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. I mean, I want to know what it is you're trying to do. Yeah. What's your aim? Being out being a vigilante?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No. Thank you for all of these questions. I appreciate you and I see you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sorry. What was that?

[Nicole Parker]

Great.

[Doug]

I was just.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sorry. Hang on.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

My husband is.

[Doug]

Oh, my God.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Who is that?

[Nicole Parker]

That's my husband. He's a different room. His name is Doug.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

On fire. Well, I can sense that he might be on fire.

[Nicole Parker]

That's so interesting. Oh, do you have like a spidey sense or something? You can sense people's pain?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, I can hear it in his voice.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, go ahead and talk again.

[Doug]

I mean, I'm on fire in a lot of ways.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, what does that mean?

[Doug]

Just thriving.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, God,

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug, your crush again.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, great.

[Doug]

I was just. All I said was recapping. You're asking babe for the origin.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right. Right.

[Doug]

Berndt's asking for the method, the MO

[Nicole Parker]

I'm looking for the how and the why.

[Doug]

But then you also added. You want the motive.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, that is correct. We want origin story, method and motive.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Great. Absolutely. Thank you so much. So I'll go the long story, short version.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, love it.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I have not been doing this since I was a child. In fact, I have tried many, many, many other things up until this point. I started my vigilantism at the tender age of 36.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, wow. What were. Can you name three of the things that you tried to not be a vigilante?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah, I tried to be a third party grocer at a Kroger's. That's where I offer my services in my own checkout line.

[Nicole Parker]

I've never heard of that before as

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

like a 1099 gig economy kind of thing.

[Nicole Parker]

1099?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

What does that mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You would be a shopper for people?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Nicole Parker]

I, I, no, it's more reverse than that.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah, they're, they're doing the shopping, and then I offer to, to sort of check out in my own line. And then the problem was, though, is that they wouldn't give me my own, like, checkout stand. In fact, they told me to go many times, but what I was doing was I was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Then many times they told you to go.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I was having to use my credit card to go to their machines and pay for. I actually lost a lot of money.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, sure.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. So that was gonna work. What else?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

And then I would. Was an orthopedic surgeon's assistance call center.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, surgeon's assistant's call center.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I was the. Yeah, I was, I, I, I was the call center. And for the orthopedic surgeon's assistant. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What kind of calls?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Well, that's the thing. I never got one.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that makes sense.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I was in that job for almost six years.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my God. And you didn't do anything? Just sat in a room by yourself

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

and unfortunately, the job was commissioned based.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no. You would get a commission from answering a phone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So, so the orthodox surgeon's assistant. This was their idea. And they expected, I guess, way more calls than actually got, which was zero. Yeah.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So that really put me into debt because obviously I, I took out a loan to, to make the call center

[Nicole Parker]

you had to make it yourself.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I didn't have to do anything, but I really wanted to show that I was excited for the role.

[Nicole Parker]

For the role. Oh, it's a good way to play.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can I ask. Sss. Is this you brought to the orthopedic surgeon's assistant, or is this something they sought you out for?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I guess I never technically asked them, to be fair.

[Nicole Parker]

That makes more sense.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah, but I was tenacious. That's always been my quality. Tenacity.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Would you just contact this person every day and say, no calls today?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Exactly.

[Nicole Parker]

For six years. All right, well, you know what? That kind of paints a picture. Now I can see how maybe you'd move into being a vigilante. So now can you describe to us your method and your motive?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Amazing people.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Well, as you can imagine.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, that was only two things.

[Nicole Parker]

You wanted a third?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, well, you did ask for three.

[Nicole Parker]

I do believe I just.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, I'm just trying to keep us all honest here.

[Nicole Parker]

No, I understand. I appreciate that. I. I thank you for reminding me.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I did start drag Scrabble.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, you started drag Scrabble?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah, as a player, not a drag queen.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, okay. Well, that'd be fine. Anyways, I have so many questions for them because I want to know about.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, here's. Okay, so, the origins of drag Scrabble. As I understand it, someone was playing Scrabble at the DTF and was saying loudly, I sure wish there was a drag queen here.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

That was me.

[Nicole Parker]

That's how the story goes. That was you who said that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow. And you made it happen.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I made it happen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You manifested it.

[Doug]

Great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's incredible.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, are you getting a cut of that? Or do you. You know, are you seeing any. Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, no, no, that's on me. That's on me. I didn't put it in the contract, so I'm just sort of, like, happy to be there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And he did have you sign a contract, though.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, absolutely. It was intensive.

[Nicole Parker]

Were you responsible for finding Ms. Turn Turns tiles? Because that's. She is so amazing. Her name is Jumper.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Turn Tiles.

[Nicole Parker]

Miss Turns tiles.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Turns tiles.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, because she. What she'll do is, if she doesn't like the word, she'll kind of, like, mess with you. She'll come over and she'll turn, turn. She'll turn the tiles over. She'll tip your tiles over, so you have to start all over again. And. And she. And she's just kind of like. She's sassy that way.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

And I love that. But I Just don't know if you discovered her.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It does ruin the games, though.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh. Utterly and completely. And that's arguably why this has not been maybe like, as successful in terms of roi. Yeah, not. Not very successful in terms of roi,

[Nicole Parker]

I think because she got bored because you said there's nothing for her to do. So now she just kind of messes with you sometimes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

In a mean drunk.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, amazing.

[Nicole Parker]

Is that right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And she signed a long contract. I think that's probably why she's so unhappy.

[Nicole Parker]

Probably. Maybe she feels a little.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She can't perform anywhere.

[Nicole Parker]

That's the problem.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's an exclusivity contract with the DTF to have her.

[Nicole Parker]

So. Okay, can we get into. All right, so this happens, and you started that, but that wasn't enough to fulfill you. I think that paints an even more clear picture.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

So can you take us through the process of becoming a vigilante and what that looks like? What do you. Do you.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. I mean, as you can probably tell from my story, I have just been pushed down completely every time. Job after job, only child after only child after bathroom.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So I understand, if anyone, what it feels like to experience loss. And I just could not bear to see that being perpetuated in our community. And I noticed that nobody was stepping up to help. And I thought, I have to help the most vulnerable in our community. And that being helpless, inert. Amazon packages. You are completely defenseless in our community.

[Nicole Parker]

Huh?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, they are.

[Nicole Parker]

They are if they.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If they're just left.

[Nicole Parker]

I thought he was going to say people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People.

[Nicole Parker]

Defenseless people. Not boxes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I also thought it was leading up to people.

[Nicole Parker]

Is that how.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, I. I think that. No, I couldn't. No. Because, like, people have guns. Which I have, actually. True. Which I actually didn't really understand, like, the pervasiveness until I started doing this. Like, a lot of people have guns. Like, a lot of them, sure. And turns out, not really, like, constricted to an age either. Like a lot of.

[Doug]

But a lot of them do have the little flag that comes up out.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, that's Doug's face.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But not all of them.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. But the problem is impossible to tell which one you're getting. You don't really want to stand in front of either of them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It turns.

[Nicole Parker]

No.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

So then how. Take me through the process of what you do once you check on the packages. What. What do you do then?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. How are you. How. How are you protecting these packages?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Well, I'm. I'm leaving my scent on them. Obviously.

[Nicole Parker]

That wasn't obvious to me. Well, that wasn't an obviously.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel like given enough time, I would have gotten there.

[Nicole Parker]

I guess maybe you would have.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

That's the. That's the continuity between Spooky Cat and Coyote roaming. Both of them mark their territory.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's true.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

And I just want to make sure that I. I, in my own way, like, Batman has his bat signal and Superman. Yeah, Superman has his cape, and everyone's like, ah, the bat signal, the cape. I'm not going to do the crime. Not gonna do the crime. So.

[Nicole Parker]

Wow. Oh, walking in there, not expecting that. Walk in.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Schwartzening, get on the job.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Nicole Parker]

No crying, no surprise. You've really got a talent for that.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So I pee on the packages.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right?

[Nicole Parker]

Right. And then. And that's it. Is that the extent of. Of the vigilantism? And what, does that keep it from happening? You mean that just keeps what, other animals from messing with it? Because the animals come and smell your scent. He's looking at me. Looks furious with, like, a real dead, dead ass stare.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know. It's giving me the chills.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean, I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Has. Has she said something wrong?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I just. And forgive me if this is overstepping. What have you done for the community?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow. Wow, Joan.

[Nicole Parker]

Wow. Well, I put them in houses over and over and over again.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You sold them houses?

[Nicole Parker]

Whose side are you on? Spooky Cat or Roaming Coyote or Jones? Your friend?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I am somewhat motivated by fear in this moment. I don't want to get people.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, well, good to know who your friends are in the moment when it really matters.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But, I mean, I do, if we're all. If we're all being honest here. You sell people homes. You're not placing them in homes.

[Doug]

All right, I'll stick up for you, babe. You. You like to snap off the little. The little pods, little flower pods in people's gardens as you walk by.

[Nicole Parker]

It doesn't sound like a good thing. Babe, what are you doing?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you think you're helping off the flower pot?

[Doug]

You say it'll help them bloom.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Boom.

[Nicole Parker]

All right, That's a part of my ocd. Okay, I didn't want to talk about that right now. Okay, listen, I can say I started the. I started the neighborhood paperclip library.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That is true.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, it's like. Yeah, it's like a little. A little birdhouse looking thing, and there's just paperclips in there. Anything I don't need.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Anybody can use them.

[Nicole Parker]

Anyone can take them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But please bring some back.

[Nicole Parker]

But please bring some Back. Take a paperclip. Leave a paperclip.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I don't remember the last time I saw paper. I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't remember the last time you saw paper?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, I know.

[Nicole Parker]

That's actually devastating.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's scary to me.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I mean, even my contract was handed to me on an iPad mini.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, dear. We really have gone too far. IPad mini. Okay, let's just try to get me off the witness stand right now for a minute and get back to the interview. I guess I just want to know. I didn't mean to ask it with a judgmental air. Okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Mean to come off as any sort of aggress, aggressive or anything. The costume is on.

[Nicole Parker]

I know, but the hair. All the hair in his back stood up. It was really bad.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was.

[Nicole Parker]

And his ears went flat.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So sorry. They're back out again.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, thank you.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

You can tell I'm calm now?

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, Yes, I can.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can tell.

[Nicole Parker]

And. And I. I understand. Oh, he's also playing with that dapple of sunlight on the kitchen island. You can see that he's sort of chasing it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A pigeon got in there. You should shut the. What's happening in there?

[Nicole Parker]

So. So what? I. So what I meant to just add. Ask is what is to. I'm trying to do, not judgmentally. How does it protect the boxes and what does it protect the packages from?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, great question, Joe.

[Nicole Parker]

Thank you. Two in a row. I think I did it.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Well, would you. Serious question. Would you want to touch a soaked and smelly cardboard package?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I wouldn't.

[Nicole Parker]

I wouldn't. So you're saying you're keeping it from people like porch pirates who take the bag.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Exactly. Thank you. Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

What happens when the person who it's intended for has to pick up the pack?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, because I feel like that's. That's probably the source of a lot of the guns is. Is when you're. When you're on a porch and you're. You're marking the package.

[Nicole Parker]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

With human urine, then I think that the people are upset because, hey, that's my package.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. I mean, everyone has cameras now, so that is the problem. They probably see that happening simply.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Everyone.

[Nicole Parker]

I guess I. Oh, we never thought about this.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I guess I never thought about brand new.

[Nicole Parker]

This is brand new information.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, I meant.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, dear.

[Doug]

Okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, I'm.

[Nicole Parker]

I always feel bad when this happens.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, I'm okay.

[Nicole Parker]

You. Are you sure? I'm okay. Well, are there other methods that you do or is there other things that you just. No, it's kind of just the Peeing on the packages.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So your whole vigilantism amounts to. You dress up in a costume that is reminiscent of both a cat and a coyote.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Depending on.

[Nicole Parker]

And a Spooky Cat.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Spooky Cat or a coyote.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. Depending on which one's currently in the washer and. Or dryer.

[Nicole Parker]

Sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Then you go to people's homes and you. If they have packages on their porch, then you piss on them.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Piss on them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then that's it.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

And then I go on to the next one. No, no, no.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

There's some sniffing involved before, sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But that's for sure.

[Nicole Parker]

That counts.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's ceremonial.

[Doug]

Maybe you're checking if he's done. Done it on this one before.

[Nicole Parker]

Already got this one. Do you have any. That is a good question. Do you have any. Do you have any enemies? Do you have any competitors?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, any arch enemies?

[Nicole Parker]

That's right. That's what I was looking for.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Dubious Dog.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Dubious Dog.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

We have the Dubious Dog.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What's Dubious Dog's whole situation?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

New to the scene.

[Nicole Parker]

New to the scene.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I haven't figured out the identity of Dubious Dog. In fact, to me, it could be an actual Dubious Dog.

[Nicole Parker]

An actual animal.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

The costume could be incredibly real.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

But that. Can I cuss?

[Nicole Parker]

Sure, sure.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

That little freaking guy has been chasing me around town every night.

[Nicole Parker]

Has been chasing you every single night. Really?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Going. Hey. Hey.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, hey. Oh, get.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Hey. Hey.

[Nicole Parker]

I was gonna say it's human, but then the girth threw me for a minute.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

That's what I'm saying.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Still, though, I think that's a human.

[Doug]

Hey.

[Nicole Parker]

Hey.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But that does mean that it's a Dubious Dog.

[Nicole Parker]

That is true. Perfectly named, actually.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

But Dubious Dog has been going around and absolutely shredding these packages, which breaks my heart.

[Nicole Parker]

And then when you pee on them, do you find that he leaves those alone?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

All right. Well, it's doing something.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It does work.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

So I am doing, in a sense, the Lord's work here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I mean, you. So I don't know why people are getting so up.

[Nicole Parker]

Exactly.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

The Lord said, do unto others how you would like to be done to yourself.

[Nicole Parker]

So you want. But I don't want anyone to pee on me.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, but I do.

[Nicole Parker]

So sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right, well, now we're.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do we have another piece of the puzzle?

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, we do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So have you tried to. We'll get into that in one second. Have you tried to explain to any of the gun wielding adults or children. Children that you are, that there's a Dubious Dog out there who's trying to

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

shred packages usually by the point. At the point that we're face to face. It's sort of like a now or never situation. If I need to. If I want to get out of there with my whole. No, generally not. I would say exclusively not.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, that's tough. And so have you thought about taking out an ad if you're as the goal to get Peter Park Pon.

[Doug]

Peter Pon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because this seems like a lot of work if we're going by the golden rule, treat do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. This seems like such a lot of work to put into something that could be solved by an app. You know, like sitting on an app. That's what I meant to.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Well, I am trying to get funding for. For an app called yeah. Called Peter Pon, but it's not. But. But I'm having a hard time right now getting it approved by Apple's legal team. They said it' close to other. Other words that they feel uncomfortable using on their.

[Nicole Parker]

Could you do P I T A P. And then maybe it's a little bit sort of a cover for like. Oh, I'm just trying to get some Mediterranean.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. Did you know it's already. It's already a Lebanese dating app.

[Nicole Parker]

You're kidding.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Peter is already a Lebanese dating app.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is already a Lebanese dating app. But I mean, so you, you don't. You'd rather create your own way of making this happen and then use traditional

[Nicole Parker]

avenues going to the normal.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah, I'm just trying to carve out my own path in. In this lifetime, you know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I think you are doing it.

[Nicole Parker]

I think you're just succeeding. I have never heard of this path before.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is a unique path.

[Nicole Parker]

It is. It sure is.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Nicole Parker]

You are welcome.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Thank you. This is the first time anyone has ever said anything nice to me.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no, that's okay. That can't be true.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The other only children never said anything. Nice.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Nice.

[Nicole Parker]

No, they were all too busy with their terrible problems.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They are incredibly mean.

[Nicole Parker]

No, I just don't feel like this can't be the narrative of only children. There's several who are just a brilliant,

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

lovely people having that one though.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, you guys. Okay, this is. This is going to make some of our listeners upset. What you say. Take that back, babe. What is wrong with you putting out one of my best friends is an only child.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

You can't say that. You can't not say that.

[Nicole Parker]

I Can't. I can. It means I understand and I empathize.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who is it?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

What's their name?

[Nicole Parker]

John Jensen.

[Doug]

You could have said John Jerson is an only child of only child.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Joan.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You could have said me.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, I panicked.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But wait, John Jensen is a real person?

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. I know it sounded made up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It really did. But then Doug.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, he was. Parents were only children. They didn't have. No. They didn't know how to name a child. They didn't even expect to have a child. They were like, I don't know, Johnson. That's not even their last name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They thought they were supposed to provide a full first and last name.

[Nicole Parker]

They didn't know. Didn't know anything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow. They really didn't.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. And that shows you how hard it is out here for only children. We're only expected to marry each other. Where are our spaces? You know, we have straight clubs, we have gay bars, we have drag Scrabble,

[Nicole Parker]

which I'll cop to, everyone should be welcome there.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Everyone weddings. Where are we allowed?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wide shut.

[Nicole Parker]

I would argue you're allowed at all of those places you just named. But it's not a wide shut.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, that's a. That's another space, Fidelio. But we don't have. We. There's no only child space. Of course we can be on the fringes of these other spaces we're talking about. No, but it's not the same.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Everything is ensemble based orchestras, many people, sports teams, many people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. What we need is no way to be. What.

[Nicole Parker]

What about standup comedy? You're never more alone than that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ew.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Ew. Ew.

[Nicole Parker]

Listen, I agree. I agree. I agree that we made stand up clubs just to keep them there and keep them out of every other place.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But even then it's. It's one person performing for all these other people.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

For the privileged people.

[Nicole Parker]

Village people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For privileged village people. For privileged village people.

[Nicole Parker]

I understand. Okay, fine.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Look out at that army. That just sea of construction workers and bikers.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

One army man, police person, inclusive.

[Nicole Parker]

What about a stand up comedy club for only onlys?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's intriguing, right? I mean, I'd love to hear that material.

[Nicole Parker]

Exactly right. And you would be in there and everyone would commune and laugh because they. And then as a group of onlys, you are not alone.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Hey, what's the deal? What's the hey, what's hey. Hey, what's hey, what's the hey, what's the deal with sisters?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, oh, he's trying out. He's trying out some material.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

What's the deal? With sisters, it's like I'm trying to have guy time right now, and you're a girl, Burton.

[Nicole Parker]

Is that funny?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hey, what's the deal with. Hey, what's the deal with milk? How come there's always so much of it in the fridge?

[Nicole Parker]

What does that have to do with being an only child? Oh, you just. Because. All right, I didn't mean to take the air out of the room.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

See, these jokes are not for you.

[Nicole Parker]

I am. I'm so sorry. Don't try to.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Don't try to poke holes in logic.

[Nicole Parker]

Thank you for calling me in on

[Paul F. Tompkins]

something you don't understand.

[Nicole Parker]

Thank you for calling me in on that.

[Doug]

He grew up with too much milk.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you overstand now?

[Nicole Parker]

I overstand.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Yes. You're welcome. Oh, my eyelash is coming off.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, now,

[Doug]

girls, this happens down.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There they go.

[Nicole Parker]

There they go now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sss. What? Now that you. We've talked about this, and it feels so good. And I'm glad. I'm glad, because what we want for this show is to help our neighbors in some way. Either they're trying to help other people, or maybe we can help them help themselves. Do you feel that now that. That you've laid it all out there, that your ultimate goal really is to get peed on? Do you think you will continue the vigilantism, or do you think you will put the focus on making your true goal come true?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I just can't bear to admit what I want in this life.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's terrible. What?

[Nicole Parker]

Can you try? Just try. This is. It really is a safe place. I'm sorry that I've been a little insensitive, and I really am.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm learning. You're an ally.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

You're an ally.

[Nicole Parker]

I have this. I just want you to read this thing I wrote on notes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, boy.

[Nicole Parker]

On notes App. If you just. Can you just read this? That. I just put some thoughts down and

[Paul F. Tompkins]

we have to read it.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't want to.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, there are a lot of.

[Nicole Parker]

No, you don't have to read it out loud. What?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

There are a lot. No way.

[Nicole Parker]

They must be an autocorrect.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You couldn't know.

[Nicole Parker]

It must be a typo.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I mean, they're not like the traditional slurs, but they're slurs to us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You wouldn't hear them.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my God.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But yes.

[Nicole Parker]

What's an example of an only child slur

[Doug]

Singleton seesaw?

[Nicole Parker]

Wouldn't it just be see or saw?

[Doug]

Well, I mean, the Idea of the joke.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, my God.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I cannot believe you just said that.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Why do you feel so emboldened?

[Doug]

I feel like a seesaw. Must be the most. Most, you know, tormenting site for an only child.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's. It's up there.

[Nicole Parker]

It's got to be hard.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Another one. What, hard?

[Nicole Parker]

No, that one I don't understand.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

And it's not yours to understand.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You really can't put that together.

[Doug]

Okay,

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Joan.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Anyway, Joan, I know that you are. This is all new to you, and.

[Nicole Parker]

No, do you know what? I just take a step back and you two can put your eyelashes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know what? I'll do the same.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Really? Reach for them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So this is a safe space. You could say whatever you want. Obviously, this is being recorded for strangers to listen to.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Totally.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But maybe it would be helpful if you were able to just express what it is your ultimate desire is.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Okay, I'll just preempt it by saying that what is difficult about me opening up, about my deepest desire is that I've spent my entire life alone. You know, I've faced this world alone, and I've learned to live that way. But. Okay, you got it. Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

You got it.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I am. My name is Shelley Shelby Shaw, and I want to be peed on. That requires the help of someone else. So I think my deepest desire is to feel the inner love and warmth of another human being in any form that may take, but preferably piss.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

I want everyone to know I'm gently holding his pinky.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. It's beautiful to see. It's beautiful to see.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, that felt really good.

[Nicole Parker]

Good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you. And I'm proud of you.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I know it just. It sounds crazy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We do not. We. First of all, we do not on this show. We do not kink shame. But we do kink. Okay? Whatever.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Okay. All right. What hurts? What hurts? What hurts?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Sorry, I left really hard and absolutely burst the blood vessels.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm so.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, we're okay. We're okay. It happens a lot. Don't you know what I think it is?

[Nicole Parker]

I think it's. You felt joy and it's making you dizzy because I don't think you felt this sort of euphoria before.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Is that what this is?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Because you know what? We're only as sick as our secrets, okay? And you just let that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no. Is that true?

[Nicole Parker]

Wait. Let's all go.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Can we all go?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. I've been told I'm near death.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is terrible news.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Can we all go? Around and admit our deepest hopes and desires.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't see why not. Okay, and we'll start with Doug.

[Doug]

I hope one day to taste candy corn.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, you cannot taste it right now.

[Doug]

No, as in, it just tastes completely neutral to me.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, you're physically. It's not that. You haven't tried to procure.

[Doug]

I think I need a taste bud.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All you get is.

[Nicole Parker]

All you get is Texas taste bud replacement.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Boy, that sounds tricky.

[Doug]

The way people describe the flavor sounds.

[Nicole Parker]

I. Wait, what'd you say?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You said the way that people describe the flavor of candy corn. It sounds incredible. Wow. I don't know that. First of all, I don't know. Yeah. I think the only time I've heard people describe the taste is in a negative way. The end. I don't think I've ever.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Hey, Doug, I do have the number for an orthopedic surgeon's assistant, and I think.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, well, babe, I wouldn't. Maybe with that. I mean. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Direct.

[Doug]

I can get them direct. I don't have to go through the call line.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I. You could. My number's blocked, but you could

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait. Is this orthopedic surgeon's assistant still have the call center?

[Nicole Parker]

That's what I wondered.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you're just not working there.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No, I mean, I gifted it to them because I was like, what am I going to do with it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I'm very generous.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. I'm still paying the rent.

[Nicole Parker]

That's fair.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that's the generous.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

It's under my name. I signed a really long contract.

[Doug]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What is it with the contracts in this town?

[Nicole Parker]

They're so long. All right, well, since it sort of happened in front of you all, I will admit. And I'm not going to do this anymore. I've been getting my eyelashes on the black market, and they are made from the feathers of the endangered great American condor. And they reject my eyelids. And that is why they're always coming off.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

They're rejecting your eyelids.

[Nicole Parker]

Lids. Something about the oil.

[Doug]

It's probably why they're endangered.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It can't just be my.

[Nicole Parker]

They were already in danger when I started doing this, and I didn't know how terrible.

[Doug]

Their feathers took to human eyelids more than. They'd be more in demand. Like, they're not doing themselves any favor, these condors.

[Nicole Parker]

What, following them?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I see what he's saying.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yeah. If they were like, a little bit less.

[Doug]

They played well with others.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

We would breed them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If we. Yes. We'd be fighting to save them. If they were Compatible.

[Doug]

Exactly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why is the black market doing this anyway?

[Nicole Parker]

I don't know. I don't know. It's because Doug got into dark Facebook and it was just. And that's. And that's a nice place. But then I just went on a wormhole and it was bad.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you think you're on Dark Teemu?

[Nicole Parker]

I could be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Doug]

High quality stuff there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

High quality stuff. It's always smaller than the picture.

[Nicole Parker]

Always.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

What's your dark secret? Burnt. Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've never told anyone this, obviously, and I can't believe I'm about to, but I have a twin brother.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, my God.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Jesus Christ. And sss. I want to apologize to you.

[Nicole Parker]

What?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Wait, before I go.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my God.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Before I go flying off the handle,

[Nicole Parker]

apologize to me too, because you came down hard on me.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I want to understand how I'm going to react.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Did this twin brother die in the womb?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh,

[Paul F. Tompkins]

no. But there's more. There's more. There's more. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Sorry. I'm on the wall.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow. That's amazing.

[Nicole Parker]

It's crazy how fast he got up there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I only discovered this 10 years ago.

[Nicole Parker]

That's a long time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We were not raised together, so I thought I was an only child. And I lived as an only child until 10 years ago. Until well into adulthood.

[Nicole Parker]

Sss. Does that. Oh, nope.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sounds like both a coyote and a cat somehow.

[Nicole Parker]

I can even hear the roaming part.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my God. Look how nervous that pigeon is.

[Doug]

How are the. The pupils?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Actually, the pigeon seems kind of into it.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, the pigeon's peeing on him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Guys, Guys, are you see this?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, we do. It's hard to miss.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Look at that Claaca. Like a geyser.

[Nicole Parker]

It's just.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

It's really coming out.

[Doug]

Golden showers.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug. Doug.

[Nicole Parker]

Douglas, what are you doing?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is not a time to weird out something.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Was that an Irish Sea shanty?

[Nicole Parker]

Sss. Now wait a minute. Look at this guy.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Hello.

[Nicole Parker]

Hello, little pig. Oh, my goodness.

[Doug]

Sss.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You are. You are positively radiant. You are.

[Nicole Parker]

You're really almost glowing.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Oh, my God. I've never really. I never really have felt this before.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I'm not surprised.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I feel good.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I feel good.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, boy.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I'm living.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is wonderful. And I'm so happy that we were here for this moment. I'm so glad you shared this with us. And thank you so much. And how do you feel now?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I feel on top of the freaking world.

[Nicole Parker]

That is so great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Does this change everything for you?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

What?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

It absolutely Doesn't.

[Nicole Parker]

Why?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I have learned in this moment that we all contain a certain sense of duality. So I can be a weird freaking only child, completely hopeless and without guidance in this world. And I can be peed on. And those things can both exist at the same time. You can be an only child and a twin brother. You can have no eyelashes. And some eyelashes. You can be both on fire and not on fire.

[Nicole Parker]

That one's to Doug.

[Doug]

Oh, thanks.

[Nicole Parker]

You're welcome.

[Doug]

I had no idea.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

God, this is beautiful.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, you know what? If you're happy, we're happy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely. I mean, this is one of the best resolutions we've ever had.

[Nicole Parker]

Really One of the more messy ones, but. And I do need to clean up,

[Paul F. Tompkins]

so I'll need to get into the truth is messy.

[Nicole Parker]

Joan, you are correct. I didn't know it smelled so crazy. What did that pigeon eat?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I really need to investigate the. The volume of liquid versus the pigeons.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like asparagus.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I'm getting a pungent sulfur as well.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Which is why I all. All love aside. All love to you. I need. I need to. We need to cleanup.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, we do.

[Nicole Parker]

But I. We wish. I wish you and the pigeon best of luck. Thank you for being here, pigeon. Thank you for seeing me. Such a beautiful call. Really just full throated.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've never been this close to. I've never been this close to pigeon song before. And it's just so loud.

[Nicole Parker]

Great placement.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[Doug]

So he gets to sing.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, he's doing Little Mermaids. That's so amazing. He's doing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is that what it is?

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. Part of your world. Oh, that's so amazing. Oh, well, I'm happy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm happy. Listen. Sss. Thank you so much for joining us.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Thank you so much for having me. I really did not expect any of this. This has been beautiful.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I expected some of this, but not all.

[Nicole Parker]

Not all. Certainly not all. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. But thank you. And to everybody out there with Amazon pack packages, you're just gonna have to take it.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Or just as if you can get them inside as soon as possible, that's fine too.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly. It's better for the neighborhood. Leaving your stuff on the porch.

[Nicole Parker]

Jesus Christ.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

God damn it.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

I'd just like to plug one thing before I go. I recently started the LMC Foundation. So if you would like to donate to the Lower Middle Class Foundation.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, yes.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Your donations go directly towards Rehous Housing and late in life educational development. Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's really important to help lower, lower upper middle class people.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Think you know, it's not as easy as you think it is.

[Nicole Parker]

Isn't that the truth?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right, we'll be back with the neighborhood listen when the neighbor listen. Comes back. It's Judith. I found my wallet. Marilyn. I just wanted to give a shout out to Marilyn. Marilyn Monroe, the queen of the silver screen. The golden age of Hollywood. Remember when she stood on the subway grate and the dress went up? Do you remember when she. That fella dressed up like a girl because he thought that she had a nice caboose? Do you remember when the president had sex with her? Ah, Marilyn, the watching you on screen is like finding my wallet every day. This is Judith, the wallet finder of my own. And welcome back to the neighborhood Listen. Wow.

[Nicole Parker]

What a joke journey that really was. We just. I just got it. Everything cleaned up. We had. It took an hour. Yeah, it still smells kind of funny in here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It does.

[Nicole Parker]

But you know what? All in the name of. Of. Of love. Or I would know if they're in love, but it's probably going to be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And also, we shouldn't be in favor of it burnt.

[Nicole Parker]

Can we talk about your twin brother?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean, where is he? What's his name? Have you guys talked? How'd you find out?

[Doug]

Is he on your body? I just have to check. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Not like maybe I already said we were raised separate. Quad birth, not a qu.

[Nicole Parker]

Sit.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why do you want me to have a quado so badly?

[Nicole Parker]

Doug has never been able to get past quado. It's the coolest thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Band aid on my shoulder one time. He's like, qu.

[Nicole Parker]

He's always on the lookout for a quado.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's when I was wearing those tank tops all the time.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, you were.

[Doug]

Um, I always have Jones check my back for quad.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, yeah. But hopefully he's like, do you see any. Yeah, not like, in a bad way.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you ask her like, I check my back for quadrus. Yeah.

[Doug]

Did you really check all of it? Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you really check all of it?

[Nicole Parker]

You sure?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know that magnifying glasses for that you always have.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In a holster on your back?

[Doug]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

He wants to be just the second he gets a feeling, gets a funny feeling like he's got something.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

And what it is is now just a lot of moles. So we have to go get them checked out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't think they'll connect into a quadro, do you?

[Nicole Parker]

Don't say that. That's what he hopes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, you want it or you don't want it?

[Doug]

I Would love it. I would love it.

[Nicole Parker]

Of course he would love it. All right, enough. Enough deflecting. Tell us about your brother. I can't believe this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He reached out to me, okay. Ten years ago.

[Nicole Parker]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I thought it was a hoax. His name is turned.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Doug]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

Does he have the last name Mia Ped.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He has taken the last name Mia Pe.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because we are full brothers. We're twins.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, that's what you said.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. I definitely identical twins.

[Nicole Parker]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

This is wild. Okay, where is he?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's in newborn.

[Nicole Parker]

What, he lives just next door?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Basically, yes.

[Nicole Parker]

He is in the neighboring town.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's been there his whole life.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, and what was he adopted? What happened? Why was he. Why were you separated?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My parents thought they were going to get divorced.

[Nicole Parker]

It doesn't really answer the question. That makes no sense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They thought, okay, if we're gonna get divorced, one of us will take one child. One of us take the other child. My mother was going to move to new barn. They reconciled and they said, you know what?

[Nicole Parker]

Wait.

[Doug]

Still pretty good idea.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It would actually. Yeah, it's a pretty good idea. It would actually be easier with just one child.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no. So wait a minute. If one of them went to new barn, who'd they leave?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They didn't have a new barn.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

They.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My parents drove with. With. With turnt.

[Nicole Parker]

This is going to be so sad.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

To the new barn. Fire station.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, God.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They said, where can we leave this baby Here?

[Nicole Parker]

That's how they said it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Fire station.

[Doug]

They drove all the way there and then asked that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, the fire station, where do we

[Nicole Parker]

leave this baby Here?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They say. They said, no. You can only do that without telling us first. You can't just. We're going to say no. And they did.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So then they went to all of the public utilities saying, can we leave our baby here?

[Nicole Parker]

What is wrong with your.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They went to the gas company. I mean, they went

[Doug]

waste.

[Nicole Parker]

The dwp.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They didn't go to waste management. You take that back, Doug.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, wow.

[Doug]

I'm sorry. Is that not a utility?

[Nicole Parker]

It is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It is.

[Nicole Parker]

But that's not on Doug. That's not on Doug Burns. This is all of your own.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nobody would take a baby.

[Nicole Parker]

There's your defensive nature coming up because you kept this secret from us. Do not. Come on. Don't knock it on Doug's case. Okay, so where. Where did he end up? Are you all right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. You reminded me of Babu Frick.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, boy. What a nutty episode. What? Where did he end up? Please tell me this person was Cared for.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He was cared for. He was taken in by these. These kindly old folks. So he had, you know, he had old parents, which is always, you know, like those people that are weirdos that are raised by their grandparents.

[Nicole Parker]

O. Okay, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Weirdest.

[Nicole Parker]

We are really throwing out some generalizations here, and I don't appreciate.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like you did with only children.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, like you did with only children. You were saying that about only child.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Don't you understand?

[Nicole Parker]

Not anymore. So continue. Where did he end up? With old people. What happened?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And they raised him. They never told him anything for the longest time. And then 10 years ago, when they were in their.110, you had to have

[Nicole Parker]

been very old at this point.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They said, look, we're calling it, we don't want to be here anymore.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, they meant with their lives.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They said, we didn't expect to still be here.

[Nicole Parker]

Yikes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So we're. We're taking this upon ourselves.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, dear. What did they do? This is so dark.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They. Did you know that song, the Way by Fastball? Yes, they did that.

[Doug]

It's a good song.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They just drove until they became skeletons.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, so. I have so many questions about that, but I'm not gonna ask any of them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, so does Turn.

[Nicole Parker]

And so what? Does he. Does he what? How'd the conversation go? Have you met?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We have not yet met.

[Nicole Parker]

Why?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Scheduling.

[Nicole Parker]

No, no, no.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think we're both. I think we're both scared.

[Nicole Parker]

There it is. Bingo.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Both scared.

[Doug]

Is he a pharmacist? Does he have a podcast over there?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug, you're throwing a lot of questions at me.

[Nicole Parker]

What does he do for a living? What does he do for a living?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's a farmer.

[Nicole Parker]

That's. So.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He does not have a podcast. He has a radio show.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He has a ham radio show.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

About farming.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

What's it called?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's called Not Only Farmers.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, interesting.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

All right, so he has people who obviously aren't farmers on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He has a co host who's a good friend.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no. What is that person's name?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

She.

[Nicole Parker]

I knew it was going to be she.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Her name is Flown. It's Florence. And. But people call her Flown.

[Nicole Parker]

Sure, sure. That makes sense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Marathoner. Floan Marathoner. And they talk to people in the farming community using the Farmers Only app.

[Nicole Parker]

And let me guess. She's a realist painter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, did I tell you this already?

[Nicole Parker]

Nope. Just had a. Just had a hunch.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She's a real. She's a photorealistic painter. And, you know, like, the Late Martin Mull. And. Yeah. And. And so we. We do have a lot of things in common, but we've been scared to meet each other. Wow. Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

I'd love to hear their radio show sometime. That would be interesting. Maybe that would be a sort of a first step. Just get to use. Get. Get used to hearing his voice and see what he's like on a microphone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely. I will record it.

[Nicole Parker]

Great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'll. I'll just. I mean, you could listen to it. Well, you don't have a ham radio.

[Nicole Parker]

No. It's a little difficult. Let me just record it for.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Always surprised me about Doug that he doesn't have a ham radio. I've been trying to get you into this for years. You seem like the guy who would have a ham radio.

[Nicole Parker]

I might have.

[Doug]

It's like, in my memory, I feel like I did have one, but there's so much stuff around here.

[Nicole Parker]

I think that, too. There really is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But no, it's kind of canonical now that you don't and.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, does Gabby know? Gabby doesn't even know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Gabby knew before I did. He reached out to her first.

[Nicole Parker]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How did he even know we weren't even together.

[Nicole Parker]

Ridiculous.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Maybe you could help me.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Okay. That is cosmic. I'll tell you what.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No idea who you're talking about.

[Nicole Parker]

Very cosmic. Maybe he led her to you. And. And we don't even realize. Realize it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my God. Do you think he did that? He liked our relationship.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, what you're gonna also need to do is go through all the times that you've injured yourself or had pain, and then you guys are gonna have a line. Have to line up whether or not he had the same thing.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like Ellie and E.T.

[Nicole Parker]

yes. Well. And also, listen, I have twins, so I. I'm a font of information. I can answer a lot of questions for you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I guess that's true.

[Nicole Parker]

So. And believe me, they do. They do hurt. When? I mean, it's hard to tell because they always are hurting each other physically.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

And then they. Oh, it's our twin connection. I'm like, well, no, it's because you both just stabbed each other.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It does muddy the waters a little bit. Yeah,

[Nicole Parker]

of course. I'm talking about my twin boys, Matt and the Heartbreakers. Heartbreakers. So we have one final post we're going to leave you with, even though we could talk for hours about this revelation that just happened. That is wild. What a way to kick off season 10.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It is tensational.

[Nicole Parker]

You gotta admit, that was pretty tensational.

[Doug]

Turned station we have talked about it being tensational a lot. We told ourselves we wouldn't say that.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, did we?

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I don't remember, but it's okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We told ourselves we wouldn't say that.

[Doug]

We told ourselves we wouldn't say it.

[Nicole Parker]

Where do we mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So many times I thought so.

[Doug]

We just said we would feel it.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh. Interesting.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't know. I felt like it was appropriate.

[Doug]

Now it's out there.

[Nicole Parker]

Why did you keep tensat?

[Doug]

Now it's public. It's out there. We're tensational.

[Nicole Parker]

Exactly. Okay.

[Doug]

But now I guess we just can't ever falter from that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's Doug Gaslighting.

[Nicole Parker]

It's a high bar. I don't know. I think that he's. I think that he is too close to the furnace because he's just been down there the whole time. Frankenstone throat. All right, so we have one last post, and this is sort of. I don't know. This is awkward to me. This is awkward from Craig, and it says, hi, neighbors,

[Doug]

Fred Schneider.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why didn't he sing nice?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, it was a funny.

[Doug]

You think he was nice? Wait, What? Wait, I'm sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think he could just. If he was making fun of it, memorable.

[Nicole Parker]

I think he was playing a character, and I think it was great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why didn't he sing like rock lobster?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, that sounds grounded and normal.

[Doug]

I'm still blown away.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You are really coming for me.

[Nicole Parker]

I am. Oh. Oh, that's a. That's a rich thing for you to say. You came at me this whole entire episode. You ganged up with sss and you guys had a ball.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I did. I guess I wanted to feel like an only child again.

[Nicole Parker]

By ganging up with someone else.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yep.

[Doug]

All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We had you for a funnel post.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm not going to give an adjective to it. I'm just going to read it. This is from Craig. It says, hi, neighbors. I'm looking for someone to come play acoustic guitar for my wife's birthday.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why did you say it like that?

[Nicole Parker]

Because this is my. This is how I feel about this post.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It sounds like you're trying to find innuendo.

[Nicole Parker]

Anyone have any recommendations? Thanks so much. I think it's a little weird. Like, if your husband. I thought he was gonna say that. When I read the post the first time, I was like, anyone who can, you know, come and teach? I saw the word guitar, so it teach me guitar so I could play it for my wife. But now in this intimate setting.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Nicole Parker]

You're gonna be like, babe, I love you, and I just want this strange man to come over here, and he's gonna play guitar for you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can't imagine anything worse.

[Nicole Parker]

All right, but that might be. That might be hyperbole, obviously, but. Are you being serious?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm being serious.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, you're being serious.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The idea. The idea. Idea of having a romantic dinner of some kind.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then there's somebody there playing the violin or whatever. It just. I. It makes my skin crawl.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, good.

[Doug]

So you like total silence.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think it's gone.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't think it's about that big.

[Doug]

That wasn't. I wasn't being fresh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel like we're.

[Doug]

I wasn't fresh tonight or.

[Nicole Parker]

Everyone's chippy. It's been a lot. Listen, we've dug deep, and we've exposed some things. My eyelids are naked. I don't like this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can't believe you have false eyelashes this whole time.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that's what. We're now living a lie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I thought I knew you.

[Nicole Parker]

You're mad about that. Not about the endangered condors. That's. What. The part that you're mad about. He's thinking about it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You really got me.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, so. So, yes. The thing is, it's just kinks. What? Who?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

King.

[Doug]

You really got him.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm trying to get. I'm trying to get all the. All the cows home. Okay, we're really trying. We're trying to get to the end of this. Okay, So I just.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

On the topic of that.

[Nicole Parker]

How dare you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

One of my least favorite moments in Red Dead Redemption is when you have to do chores. Like, you have to herd these cows. What?

[Doug]

Pick flowers.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, you do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I want to shoot people.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, it seems like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Go collect these herbs. What?

[Doug]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

This is why you should try Mario Kart.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm. I'm a criminal.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Doug]

All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sorry.

[Nicole Parker]

No, that's fine. It's just under what context it is

[Doug]

like in Mario Kart, if you had to just, you know, screw the lug nuts out.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Yeah. Or you had to go off and, like, tend to the flower plants.

[Doug]

The wash. Go vacuum out the car.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Dust the cobwebs in the mansion. That is funny.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Go to the post office.

[Nicole Parker]

That's why you should try Mario Kart. It's much more fun.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right, then.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Okay. All right, then what I want to know is what context is he going to. Because it'd be one thing if he's like, I wrote a song for my wife, but I'm gonna have someone play a guitar. I'm gonna sing. But it sounds like yes, like you said, while they're eating. What, is he just gonna hang out in the corner like he's at a coffee shop and play classical gas. Classical guitar.

[Doug]

Bert, I was just about to say classical gas.

[Nicole Parker]

We almost said the exact same thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We almost did, but I kept going.

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

But.

[Nicole Parker]

But that's, that's just so weird. There's just a guy in your house. Like for how long? There's no specifics. It's just, hey, can you come and play guitar for her?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

As if she's sitting on the couch and she's supposed to just sit and enjoy it. That's just so weird. While he looks at her going, do you like it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That would be great. I mean, if she's on the couch and then the guitar player is. Is there standing, you know, playing at her, and then the husband is sitting in a chair next to the guitar player, just looking at the wife.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Filming her, like Doug me watching Game of Thrones. It's up setting.

[Doug]

You know what?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I just remembered the reason we were

[Doug]

both thinking of classical gas.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Doug]

At dtf, we did a rendition. An acapella. An acapella. Classical gas. And it was really.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It got people love.

[Doug]

They loved it.

[Nicole Parker]

Turn tiles. Love it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She wasn't thrilled about it.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She kept trying to draw focus from us.

[Doug]

She was doing like air classical guitar to it. As if she was. Was making the sound. But we were.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But she was making like this, like this tiny air guitar. It was very small. Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Like the way people play a tiny fake violin.

[Doug]

It did almost draw more attention that way. Cuz you're squinting at the tiny.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was just like. It was just like this when people do the violin. But she did it in front of her stomach.

[Nicole Parker]

I want her to get new opportunities. I. I feel bad for her. I feel like she needs to spread her wings and fly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She's terrific. And she's wasted on drag Scrabble.

[Nicole Parker]

All right. Right. Well, there's a lot of loose ends here for sure, but we. We do have to go. This has been quite an episode.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm already 25 minutes late for my next appointment and most of that was because I kept adding things to talk about and. Well, thank you so much. I. It's. No one cares.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh my gosh. So many.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'll tell you next time.

[Nicole Parker]

Fine. Great. You can tell us next time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you for listening. Goodbye.

[Nicole Parker]

Ah. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The neighborhood. Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins and me Nicole Parker

[Doug]

and me Brett Morris.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This episode's guest was played by Chris Renfro. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[Nicole Parker]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going. Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sterling K. Brown and I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[Nicole Parker]

Each episode we're going to go into a deep dive from our show. This is Us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Nicole Parker]

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are we going to cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we going to laugh a lot?

[Shelley Shelby Shaw]

A whole lot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that Was Us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.