The Neighborhood Listen

Episode: Giving Rid Of Goats? with Talia Tabin

Release Date: December 23, 2025
Summary by Section with Timestamps

Episode Overview

This episode of The Neighborhood Listen takes listeners back to the fictional town of Dignity Falls, with hosts Burnt Miapede (Paul F. Tompkins), Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker), and Doug Korn Pedestrian (Brett Morris). The central theme revolves around a quirky neighbor, Michaela, who posts in search of a goat as a potential nanny substitute. The episode explores the realities and absurdities behind this unusual quest, the dynamics of her family life, and the mounting suspicions around her absentee husband. There's also plenty of neighborhood banter, improvisational comedy, and insight into the odd idiosyncrasies of Dignity Falls.

Key Highlights and Discussion Points

1. Holiday Setup and Opening Banter

[02:36 - 14:00]

• The episode kicks off with a Christmas mood and technical complaints about recording wires. Doug’s current “studio” is set up in a homemade snow globe room at home.
• Debate over Goo Gone's efficacy and reminiscence about sticky residue from tape.
• Banter about assembling products like cars at the local pharmacy (absurdly out of place for a pharmacy).
• Joan shares her struggles with Doug’s night terrors and their failed attempt to solve it using an adult-sized Snoo cradle, known as "the Cadillac of cradles."
• Fun nostalgia: “Do people know what a Cadillac is anymore, dear?” – Joan ([09:00])
• Doug describes the snow globe room with a rotating globe—a running comedy bit about whether it’s filled with water, contains a mini-Dignity Falls, and whether he swims in it as a King Kong-sized figure.

2. Personal Lives, Holiday Traditions, and Secret Santa

[14:00 - 26:00]

• Burnt is engaged to Gabby; plans to climb Devil’s Tower with her family for Christmas, sparking concern from Joan about the safety and experience required for such a climb.
• The Pedestrian family’s unique “Secret Santa” involves sneaking into homes at night to leave and steal presents, with elements of capture-the-flag and elaborate security measures.
• Joan: “Every night, someone in the family has to break into the house ... and leave a present, take a present.” ([20:14])
• Quirks around how Secret Santa names are drawn—in this case, drawing fly wings from a ramekin, a chilling but beloved family tradition.

3. Transition to Main Guest Segment: "Giving Rid Of Goats?"

[28:45 - 29:50]

• A Neighborhood Listen listener forwards an unusual neighborhood app post: "Does anyone know or is selling/giving rid of goats? Not miniature ones, though."
• Meeting Michaela, a busy mom of five, who explains her search for a goat to help with child-rearing after losing her nanny.

Main Guest Interview: Michaela’s Quest for a Goat

[29:50 - 59:00]

Background and Motivation

• Michaela feels invisible in the community, despite attempts to get the hosts’ attention.
• She admits, “I have so many kids... Five. And we just lost our nanny.” ([34:52])
• Lists her kids’ names and ages: Julie, Jesse, Jamie, John, and Karen; ages range from four months to fourteen years.
  • Joan, incredulous: “A Karen?... We’re making sure she doesn’t turn into that kind of Karen.” ([35:42])
• Claims distant relation to James Karen (Poltergeist actor) and the unique family dynamic that comes with it.

Goats as Nannies: Logic and Logistics

• Michaela wants the kids to "get back to nature" and imagines a goat as the solution, believing goats can provide milk, companionship, and even serve as transport with saddlebags for the baby.
• The hosts balk at the idea: “I feel like if you’re a babysitter, all you need is dial 911, you know, food, make sure they don’t die. That’s all you gotta do.” – Joan ([38:18])
• Michaela: “What don’t goats do?” ([37:57])
• Practical, increasingly ridiculous questions arise: Should kids drink straight from the goat? How will goats be interviewed for suitability? Will they wear saddlebags?

Why Not Hire a Traditional Babysitter?

• Michaela refuses to hire teens or traditional babysitters, wanting “no more kids in the house.” ([53:22])
• Joan advocates for practical solutions: “Why don’t you get a babysitter who’s like 24? ... There’s college students.” ([59:05])
• Michaela remains steadfast in her pursuit of a goat, citing failed attempts at finding trustworthy nannies and a desire to avoid more “kids.”

Examination of Michaela’s Family Life and Relationship Suspicion

[59:00 - 73:50]

• Burnt and Joan scrutinize Michaela’s marital arrangement:
  • Cory Cody (husband) sleeps all day, ostensibly works the brief “night shift” at the town’s secretive “big plant.”
  • The more Michaela explains, the more the hosts suspect something’s amiss: Cory may not actually work, may be frequenting the local bar, and the house and bills are all in Michaela’s name.
  • “You should be furious. This is well within your power... These are his children, too.” – Joan ([70:29])
• Michaela is hesitant to confront her husband but considers the input with growing realization: “So I’m being used?” ([70:04])

Memorable Quotes and Moments

• “Giving rid of goats” as a phrase becomes a running joke for its awkwardness and unclear intent ([49:44])
• Joan: “You need a goat? No. You need a husband!” ([69:40])
• Michaela, referring to her husband: “He set up all the bills to be automatic payments on my credit card.” ([68:21])
• Burnt’s advice: “At 9:01pm, change the locks.” ([76:37])

Miscellaneous Segments & Neighborhood Absurdities

[76:56 - End]

Side Topics

• The current events in Dignity Falls: a bleak post about selling a two-person burial plot due to a breakup after 50 years, with the seller's husband leaving her for an "older woman." ([78:51])
• The dangers of poorly named circuses: Lula’s warning about the “Garden Bros. Humans Gone Wild Circus,” which delivered an unexpectedly risqué show for kids. ([87:11])
  • “Not only was it $60 per adult and $20 parking, but the tent was about 100 degrees... 8 women in high-waisted thongs front and back came out and danced sexually...” – Read aloud by Joan ([87:09])
• Doug’s ongoing snow globe construction, eventually discussing the logistics of spinning, water, gyroscopes, and festive “Pine Man” costumes.

Closings and Notable Musical Moments

• A recurring joke about a homemade “Christmas crack carol,” including the invented lyric:
  • “Here he comes, Father Christmas of the mountain, put your hand in his crack” ([85:52])
• Running commentary about local traditions and sensations, including goats that say "goat," TikTok goats, and the comedic absurdity of viral neighborhood decorations.

Notable Quotes

• "A peanut can be so light that it never touches the ground." – Doug ([15:05])
• “Every guy loves to be in a tiny model of a city... Wouldn’t you stomp on, grab a lady with his hand?” – Joan ([16:01])
• “The house is in his name. He has no job. He saddled you with five kids. He’s a creep.” – Burnt ([74:31])
• “Put your hand in his crack.” – From the made-up Dignity Falls climbing carol ([84:52])

Important Segment Timestamps

• Snow globe discussion & King Kong-size Doug: [06:10 - 18:00]
• Secret Santa & family rituals: [19:00 - 24:00]
• Listener neighborhood post — goats: [28:45]
• Michaela’s interview: [29:50 - 74:00]
• Confrontation about her husband: [62:00 - 73:50]
• Bleak burial plot post: [78:51]
• Sexual circus parents’ warning: [87:11]
• Holiday crack carol: [84:52, 85:52, 99:24]
• Doug’s snow globe closing segment: [92:44-98:00]

Tone and Style

The episode maintains the hosts’ hallmark blend of farcical improv, quick wit, and genuine warmth even through absurdity. Joan’s nurturing, practical energy contrasts with Burnt’s playful skepticism and Doug’s bemused, offbeat contributions. Their playful interrogation of Michaela’s situation moves from lighthearted at the start to surprisingly heartfelt and supportive by the end.

Takeaways

• The idea of “giving rid of goats” is used hilariously to highlight both the logistical impracticality and the emotional exhaustion of parenthood.
• The episode subtly shifts from comic absurdity about goats and nannies to a more earnest discussion about relationships, fairness in marriage, and self-advocacy.
• The hosts, while keeping things funny, offer empathy and empowerment to their guest, encouraging her to expect—and demand—more of her partner.
• As always, the peculiarities of Dignity Falls and the hosts’ own quirks frame this sincere message in a wrapper of weird, wonderful neighborhood comedy.

For listeners new and old: this episode is an excellent snapshot of The Neighborhood Listen’s talents in blending improvisational comedy, heartfelt realness, and wildly inventive community storytelling.