Santa Swap with Nnamdi Ngwe

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Neighborhood Listen

Episode: Santa Swap with Nnamdi Ngwe
Date: November 18, 2025
Host & Cast:

• Burnt Millipede (Paul F. Tompkins)
• Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker)
• Doug Corn Pedestrian (Brett Morris)
• Guest: Steph (Nnamdi Ngwe)

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the unique neighborhood happenings of Dignity Falls with the usual blend of character-driven improv, featuring a comedic yet heartfelt guest segment focused on the mysterious theft (and substitution) of a holiday decoration. The hosts riff on their lives, the quirks of Dignity Falls, and help their guest Steph (played by Nnamdi Ngwe) work through a puzzling personal conflict involving family, friendship, and a deep connection to Christmas traditions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter: Decoupage, Criticism, and Wild Goose Chases

• Joan discusses experimenting with decoupage, using old negative reviews by local critic Mitch McNut as material. The reviews still sting, but she’s trying to reclaim them.
• The duo jokes about holding onto criticism, referencing Lady Gaga's infamous “99 people in a room” speech and the strange powers of internet montages.
• Burnt is sleep-deprived and sensitive, sharing his struggles with cryptic clues from his girlfriend Gabby, which have led him to sleep atop the town’s infamous (and gross) Sprue(n) Mountain, only to find messages like:

  “Are you even trying? ... [On the back:] I’m at home.” (09:05)

• The hosts riff on Dignity Falls’ quirks:
  • The town’s “fifth season” (Sprung—between spring and June, involving carnivorous wildflowers).
  • The lacquered pile of Kleenexes, a bizarre town hallmark.

2. Mechanical Bull Saga & Family Antics

• Doug is busy building (and testing) a mechanical bull with elaborate, questionable homemade mechanics (“crank-powered with a fake foot”). He’s trying to spark joy (12:09), but Joan worries about safety and necessity.

  “You’re cranking your own bull, Doug? That doesn’t make any sense.” — Joan (13:51)

• Joan recounts naming her twin boys: Matt and Windows 96 (“Call him Win for short”) and her new local play project—a parody inspired by “Oh, Mary!” about Gretel, a notorious politician’s wife.

3. Main Guest Segment: Steph’s Santa Is Stolen (Santa Swap Incident)

[Starts ~25:26]

• The hosts introduce a real neighborhood post:
  Someone stole Steph’s inflatable Santa, leaving a tiny tree in its place.
• Steph (guest, played by Nnamdi Ngwe) explains:
  • He lives alone but refers to “we” as himself and his decorations, notably a year-round Santa.
  • Describes daily rituals saying hello to Santa ("Year round. I wish I could say I was a family...") (32:04).
• Steph loves Christmas, the color red, and “apple bottom jeans,” but dislikes boots—his “favorite things” (37:21).
• Spirited debate erupts about why “My Favorite Things” is a Christmas song (“It’s just a list of things someone likes!” — Burnt, 38:16).
• The conversation ventures into Steph’s history with Christmas, rituals, and handling loss with an even keel (“This is my 10 out of 10 right now” — Steph, 44:40).
• Joan pushes for more: “Are you worried about your Santa being missing, or are you just underplaying it?”
  • Steph, quietly stoic, says he’d love Santa back.
• The investigation: Steph’s suspect is “Ben A. Page,” a mechanic at a coffee-and-tire-shop, based on suspicious greetings (“Anything new, bud?” with a pointed eyebrow) (49:54).
• The post’s comedy is dissected: Why leave a tiny tree as a replacement? “For comedy. That person thinks they’re funny.” (40:50)
• Banter continually spirals (“Did you let on you suspected him?” “—You. You took him. Give him back.” — Steph, 50:36)
• Revelation: Layer by layer, it unfolds that Ben A. Page is not just a co-worker, but Steph’s estranged brother (“His name is Ben King. Peking, we called him Peekaboo...”) (70:41)
• Steph is also revealed as the son of famed astronaut Captain Richard King, trying to live outside his father’s shadow, blue “moon-themed” hair and all (69:10).

4. Emotional Undercurrents: Family, Friendship, and Holiday Estrangement

• Underneath the comedic improv, the episode explores themes of loneliness, family estrangement (over something as trivial as sandwich choices), and yearning for connection.

  “Why does everyone want to go through hell instead of be with you?” — Joan (64:28)

• Both in workplace and family, Steph’s sandwich-based conflicts have become metaphors for deeper communication blocks.
• Joan and Burnt gently press Steph to reconcile with family, especially at Christmas:

  “If either of the Bens are listening, grow up... and get this man back his decoration. Life’s too short.” — Joan (73:39) “Christmas is a time when people can reconsider their actions.” — Burnt (73:10)

• Encouragement is given for Steph to reach out, perhaps starting with a football text to his astronaut dad.

5. Neighborhood Posting Grab Bag

• A real post about a free “Baby Yoda plush that looks like a loaf of bread,” and another:
  • Crime & Safety: “Second time I see this pig in the street... is he dangerous?” [82:32]
  • Joan speculates the pig is likely a prank by the notorious Wadowski brothers in a pig suit—linking neighborhood lore to present-day antics.

6. Closing Reflections & Neighborhood Life

• Burnt, Joan, and Doug discuss the emotional tolls in their own lives, with playful jabs and gentle support (“Should we keep doing this? ... You are extremely sleep deprived.” — Joan, 78:52).
• Doug and Burnt plan a night out at the bar for pinball and camaraderie; Joan looks forward to her art project, “Aw, Gretel.”
• Final wisdom: Don’t be afraid of odd things in the neighborhood—unless it’s a Windowski prank.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You’re cranking your own bull, Doug? That doesn’t make any sense.” — Joan (13:51)
• “You can get a thousand compliments and you’ll hang on to the one piece of criticism.” — Joan (03:42)
• “This is my 10. This is me out of 10 right now.” — Steph (44:40)
• “Why does everyone want to go through hell instead of be with you?” — Joan (64:28)
• “If either of the Bens are listening, grow up... Life’s too short.” — Joan (73:39)
• “Christmas is a time when people can reconsider their actions.” — Burnt (73:10)
• “Who is the owner [of the pig]? Is he dangerous?” — Marie Noel, reading a neighborhood post (82:52)
• “If I looked out my window and I saw a big fat pig just hanging out, I’d be delighted.” — Burnt (85:10)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 04:54 | Joan’s decoupage/art chat and negative reviews | | 09:05 | Burnt’s sleep deprivation and weird “Sprue Mountain” search for Gabby, the cryptic clue saga | | 12:09 | Doug’s mechanical bull invention saga | | 25:26 | Guest Segment: Steph’s Santa theft (“Santa Swap”) | | 32:04 | Steph’s personal rituals and the depth of his loneliness | | 37:21 | “Apple bottom jeans”/Favorite Things musical debate | | 44:40 | Steph, on emotion: “This is my 10...” | | 49:54 | Confrontation with suspect “Ben A. Page” | | 64:28 | Family estrangement revealed, sandwich conflict | | 69:10 | Steph’s astronaut father & the “moon-themed” hair | | 73:39 | Closing advice: reconcile at Christmas | | 82:32 | Neighborhood post: “Is this pig dangerous?” | | 85:10 | Burnt’s delight at neighborhood pig | | 86:43 | Episode wrap-up and closing thoughts |

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The Neighborhood Listen maintains its emotionally nuanced and absurdly comedic tone throughout. The hosts balance goofball improv with surprisingly astute comments on connection, criticism, forgiveness, and the strange rituals (and posts!) that knit neighborhoods together.
If you enjoy neighborhood drama, bittersweet holiday reconnections, and jokes about mechanical bulls, this episode is a warm, weird treat.

Transcript

[A]

Do you have what it takes to finish first? The App Store is packed with super fast, super fun racing games for every driver. From battling with your favorite characters in Disney Speedstorm to piloting one of over 400 different cars on officially licensed tracks in real racing. 3. It's all right here. Blast down the track with no limit drag racing 2. Race and collect the latest and greatest cars in CSR2 realistic drag racing. Or even take over the International Car Racing arena with asphalt Legends and take on the toughest drivers from around the world with NASCAR Manager. Just visit the App Store to find these racing games and more and get ready to start your engines. Leave boredom in the dust on the App Store. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[B]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[A]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[B]

Occasionally we change the names of some.

[A]

Streets and that's all you need to know to support the show and unlock the ad free archive as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room. Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[B]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood.

[C]

Listen.

[A]

Knock, knock.

[B]

Who's there?

[A]

Your neighbor.

[B]

Good Indignity Falls. You're never alone. You've got the neighbor half Ave and us Burnt and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood.

[D]

Listen.

[A]

Welcome once more to the Neighborhood. Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its residents. I am once a resident. My name is Burnt Miyapede. I am the pharmacist in chief here at the Dignity Falls phone. Dignity Falls. Missy. Joan, I'm sorry, please. And with me, as always, is someone who thinks I'm a ridiculous nincompoop.

[B]

Burnt. Burnt. Don't think you're nincompoop. I'm sorry.

[A]

I have top realtor here in Dignity Falls. Local actress and superior to me in every way.

[B]

Oh, dear. This is not a good way to kick things off. I am sorry. Burnt. You know what? I have the giggles a little bit.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I have the giggles a little bit.

[A]

What gave you these gigs?

[B]

Well, you know what? If you remember last episode, we were talking about Dan Decoupage a little bit.

[A]

We were.

[B]

Doug had no idea what it was.

[A]

I thought it was from Australia.

[B]

He said that was his only answer.

[A]

Was that it was from Australia.

[B]

I still don't know how he arrived at that conclusion and how he stopped that conclusion. That's right. It went no further.

[A]

Arrived, got off, stayed there.

[B]

I decided to sort of get involved in a little decoupage. Right. So I just thought, oh, this might be fun. I'm just going to sort of take some old. You know what? I wanted to reclaim the Mitch McNutt reviews that I've gotten that are so terrible.

[A]

No. Joan, have you saved those?

[B]

Of course I did. I can't let go of them. Well, listen to me. I'm trying to do something. You have to remind me. For those of you who don't know, of course I am Joan Pedestrian, after that incredibly sarcastic and angry introduction from my. My co host. But I understand you thought you were. Your feelings were hurt. I get it. But yes, I am a local actress and. And a good one at that. Even though Mitch McNut, the local critic, does not think so, because he's got a lot of pent up emotions under that turtleneck of his.

[A]

I remember once he called you a mistake.

[B]

Not my character, me.

[A]

Joan Pedestrian as an actress is a mistake.

[B]

It was brutal.

[A]

That's terrible.

[B]

It was terrible. But yes, of course, you know what? You can get a thousand compliments and you'll remember, you'll hang on to the one piece of a piece of criticism that is.

[A]

Remember Lady Gaga when she kept saying over and over again about the people in the room?

[B]

She said it like 59 times.

[A]

So many times.

[B]

She said it so many times.

[A]

I think she wanted to address all the other 99 people that were in that room.

[B]

The Internet's a bummer because you know what? We didn't have to. We didn't have to know that, but because montages are a thing and everyone can see it just, it's. I really feel bad, but not as bad as how weird Bradley Cooper's eyes look now.

[A]

Oh, Lady Gaga.

[B]

Oh, Lady Gaga. Here we are doing our. What is her name, Lady Grantham voice from down to now because it is so fun. You know, if there's just 100 persons in the room, all you need is just there could be 99 persons. And you just need one person to be leaving you.

[A]

Oh, my little monsters.

[B]

My little monsters. Abracadabra. Oh, Nana. All right, that's enough of that. Anyways, so I thought that I would do a little decoupage and you know what? I getting a little bit giggly because whatever, you know, Doug mixed up the feet. That's right. The fumes. The decoupage fumes.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

The doll.

[C]

My God, the.

[B]

Oh, the decapage fumes. So I am sorry that I started off in a giggly. In a. With a giggly turn. I apologize. But, yes, that is what I've been doing. I am Joan Pedestrian. I adore you. Burnt. I did not mean to make you feel bad.

[A]

I'm a little sensitive.

[B]

I know sometimes in the intros it gets. Oh, because you still haven't found your girlfriend?

[A]

Yes. I have not been sleeping.

[B]

She has led him on a wild goose chase all over town. She doesn't even leave clues. He just has to guess.

[A]

Now, hold on a second. I must say, it's not a wild goose chase, because. A wild goose chase.

[B]

Oh, no. Are you gonna get literal here?

[A]

No.

[C]

No.

[B]

Joel, are you gonna tell me what the origin of wild goose chase is? Because I don't know it.

[A]

The term wild goose chase means you set some off on a mission that they cannot complete.

[B]

Is that right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Set me off on a wild goose chase.

[B]

Okay. That's specific though, wasn't it? A chase of a goose, I think.

[A]

Because it's impossible to catch a wild goose.

[B]

Is that right? I don't know that much about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've never tried.

[A]

Well, don't. You'll be on a wild goose chase.

[B]

I guess I will be.

[A]

Yes. I believe.

[B]

Why is this not a wild goose chase?

[A]

I believe that because there is something. Because there is.

[B]

If there is something, you're going to find. This is Gabby. Your girlfriend.

[A]

Yes, Gabby, my girlfriend. Smokejumper. Entertainment aficionado.

[B]

She does love anything entertainment.

[A]

Erstwhile hopeful QVC host.

[B]

Oh, that's right. I think I forgot about that one.

[A]

Yes. She is hiding somewhere in town and I have to find her. And she's leaving me clues.

[B]

I do think this has gone on a little long. I do think this has gone on. I mean, what lesson are you supposed to learn, Bernd?

[A]

Well, that something good in your life is worth, you know, working for.

[B]

I mean, I guess. And that's one thing. But you're not working for it. This is. This is all day and night. You have dark circles under your eyes. I don't think you've slept.

[A]

One of them is drawn on.

[B]

One of them is drawn on. Why?

[A]

Because I woke up with just one dark circle. And it looked weird. So I drew one on to balance it out. But I think it did a pretty good job.

[B]

I mean, you did fool me. I'm worried about you.

[A]

I don't know why that is.

[B]

I'm only half worried about you.

[A]

What? It is about infection. My face. No I mean, I'm. Otherwise, I'm fit as a fiddle, but I just had the one dark circle under my eyes.

[B]

Okay, okay. Well, anyways, what's the latest place you went to and sought her out? Oh, boy.

[A]

I went to the. The latest Spruen Mountain.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which is, of course, the lacquered mountain.

[B]

Yes. We have a fifth season here in Dignity Falls. As anyone knows who is from Dignity Falls. And it's in between spring and June.

[A]

And it's called Between Spring and June.

[B]

Between Spring and June. And it's called Sprung because of the cannibalistic wildflowers that smell so good that they will kill you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're not cannibalistic.

[A]

They're carnivorous.

[B]

Sorry. Yes.

[A]

They do not eat. If they ate each other, that would be great.

[B]

And everyone gets such terrible allergies. They all throw their Kleenexes into a big pile in the middle of town, and then they lacquer it, and several kids have died jumping into it.

[A]

Yeah. That's why they started lacquering it.

[B]

Sure. And then it gets toured around the country. Other people. It visits other towns.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

And people don't like it. By the way, I've heard that people don't like it.

[B]

No, they really.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

They don't understand it, of course.

[A]

And they don't want to hear about it.

[B]

No, they don't. So wait, you went to the Sprue Mountain? You thought she was going to be there.

[A]

Went to the Sprue Mountain because of the last clue, which the clues are getting easier, by the way.

[B]

Oh, they are?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, good. Can you give us an example of the most recent?

[A]

Well, the one that led me to the Sprun Mountain was. Have you tried Sprue Mountain?

[B]

And I will say the spoon is over. It's just that, like, no one. Speaking of which, I just want to clarify. Nobody wanted it the mountain. They literally all refused it this year.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So. So we just have to sit with it for I don't know how long. No one's gonna get rid of it.

[A]

No, they're not. And it's.

[B]

I think they're gonna try to decorate it like a Christmas tree.

[A]

I mean. I mean, what else can they do?

[B]

Not much.

[A]

Might as well string some lights on it.

[B]

Okay, so you went to Spring Mountain. So she. Was she there?

[A]

Climb up to the top.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

There's a message up there.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It said, are you even trying?

[B]

Oh, my goodness. After scaling that disgusting mound.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I mean, it is lacquered.

[B]

It's sure, but it's gross.

[A]

It is gross.

[B]

It's so gross.

[A]

It's gross and slippery. Dangerous, all of these things.

[B]

Did you have crampons?

[A]

I beg your pardon?

[B]

I love it when people don't know what those are.

[A]

I know what a grandpa is.

[B]

Okay. Why did you pretend you did it?

[A]

For fun.

[B]

Okay. That was fun. We have fun here.

[A]

Honestly, no one's ever asked me that before, and it did catch me off guard, that question. Yeah. So I get up there. The note says, are you even trying. Turn the note over. It says, I'm at home. Oh, now.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Is this a double bluff? I have not been back to our.

[B]

You're still not doing the note, are you?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. Just got confused.

[C]

No.

[A]

The other side of the note said, I'm at home.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And you're wondering, is this a double bluff?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you have yet to visit home. You had to come straight here to record this?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. So that's where we're at.

[A]

I slept on top of the sprue Mountain.

[B]

That's deeply uncomfortable sounding.

[A]

It was very uncomfortable. I thought it was, like, Snoopy up there.

[B]

So maybe it just. And so this is why the one. Maybe just the one eye. From the way that you slept, maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Perhaps you forgot to make that connection.

[A]

I was awakened. I was awakened by crows pecking at me.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

I had to say, fellas, I'm still alive. They took all the buttons off my shirt.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

That's why I have these safety pins.

[B]

Well, I. Okay, I was wondering. I didn't want to say anything. I don't know. I was going to accuse you of that, but.

[A]

But I tried to head that off.

[B]

At the test, but. Okay. All right. So that. That sounds. I. I look forward to getting the report as to when you go home and when we find out.

[A]

Yes, I. I hope I have something to report.

[B]

I want to talk about myself. But first we have to introduce.

[A]

Why don't more people just say that?

[B]

Sometimes I'm just thinking I should just be honest. You know what I mean? But I got to acknowledge.

[A]

I want to talk about myself.

[B]

Got to acknowledge our third person. You know, that's right. My. My husband, our engineer, Doug, who's in another room. Every. Every.

[A]

Doug Corn pedestrian.

[B]

Doug Korn pedestrian.

[D]

That's a me.

[B]

Okay. How you doing, babe?

[D]

Hey, y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

Oh, wow, Doug, you got a lot going on.

[B]

Are you in the.

[D]

Then.

[A]

Hey, y'.

[B]

All. Are you in the Mechanical Ballroom?

[D]

Indeed.

[B]

Oh, boy. He has wanted one of these. He said he's wanted one Classic cowboy expression. And I told him it's so. They're so dangerous and like, who's even going to come to our house and want to do this? You know? And I mean, Doug, did you want.

[A]

Other people to come or is this just.

[B]

You just want to do it for you? He wants me to get on it. I think.

[D]

I think for other people to enjoy it, you gotta enjoy it first.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

You gotta take care of yourself before others.

[A]

Like that's so true. Doug.

[B]

Get on the ride. The mechanical book.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Make sure it's a sparks joy.

[B]

That's why.

[A]

That's why before the kids went out trick or treating for the first time, you did it yourself.

[D]

Make sure it was still fun.

[B]

Let me just check this candy here. Make sure it's fun enough.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But eventually, if it's working right, you know, and consistently, other people can write on it.

[B]

Have you who. What you could to build this babe. What I'm worried about is, you know, the mechanic, the actual mechanics of it. And like, if it's. It's up to code or if it's safe in any way and. And you know, like, I don't want anyone coming. We're gonna have to have you.

[A]

What are the settings?

[B]

That's a good question.

[D]

Right now it's built on a. On a. Oh, boy.

[B]

Why do I feel like he's just like doing like a grinding motion?

[D]

What is it turning?

[B]

A crank. I can hear it in his head.

[D]

It's crank. It's. It's crank power. Currently. Yeah. But those seats that stand up with the crank, it's like a dentist chair almost. Wait, like a barber shop.

[A]

Stand up with the crank.

[B]

Well, I couldn't. Nothing could be more clearly explained.

[A]

But now those are usually operated by a foot pedal.

[B]

Yes. A barber sh.

[A]

Nobody gets out like a bottle T.

[D]

Well, you can't reach your foot once you get too high on it.

[B]

Right.

[D]

So then I put a crank in that has a fake foot that hits the foot pedal.

[C]

So.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

You have some Rube Goldberg contraption set up to operate. This is the beauty of it.

[D]

It's so it's right at your own. At your own intensity.

[B]

Ride at your own intensity.

[A]

So you're.

[D]

You're cranking your own.

[B]

You're being a mechanical by yourself. That doesn't make any sense.

[A]

That sounds like a drag. Honestly.

[B]

It sure does.

[A]

Also, it sounds very dangerous.

[B]

Sounds like making the people on a roller coaster get out and push themselves up the hill and then. And then get in also like to.

[A]

To do that. Like it seems like, you'd be torqu. Body in, like, a terrible way.

[D]

Yeah, I'm pretty sore.

[A]

Twisting your spine.

[D]

I'm pretty sore, But I think if I use enough grease, there's a reason it's called mechanical.

[B]

Do you know what I mean? Like, there's a reason.

[D]

Still mechanical.

[B]

You're the mechanical. All right. I know he's really happy with what he did just then. All right, so.

[D]

But, yeah, I think if I grease it up enough, you can whip the wheel around, and then you get a few seconds to the wheel, the crank.

[A]

Get that foot going. Yeah, the mechanical foot.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But if you do it fast enough and it's greased up, it'll keep going. Like a price wheel.

[A]

I am a Price is Right.

[B]

A Price is Right wheel.

[A]

One of the wheels they use on the Price is Right, that's the type of wheel.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

It's got a certain friction.

[A]

And so you've been doing this. You've been testing this out yourself.

[D]

I've been testing it out myself. So far. It's just so the friction is so tough.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

That when I try to crank myself, you know, it's just.

[B]

Well, okay, I think we're done here. Do you know what? I was waiting for us to arrive at this inevitable point. I really have been waiting for the lights. I sure did. I've been waiting for five minutes, and.

[D]

I've been doing this for so long.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

But right now, it's not that fun.

[B]

I'm sad, to be honest, that we're past the point where your hands were swelling up as we. For everybody wants to know they're better, but then that allows them to do this nonsense. So he's gonna hurt it. Your hand. You're gonna hurt your hand.

[A]

Everything. You're gonna. You're gonna destroy your body. This is not a good idea.

[D]

Well, the fun part is getting whipped off of the bull, right?

[B]

No, it's not fun, but I don't know how you're gonna get enough momentum.

[A]

By having a reason you want to avoid happening.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Well, no one would do it if there wasn't the risk of getting flung off.

[B]

Well, look at this. People just want to watch other people. It's just. It's for drunk people who aren't thinking.

[A]

It is fun to watch other people get thrown off for sure.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But that's what I'm saying. Who's gon for that other than our boys? And you knows, our boys are going to wreak havoc on that. You know? You know they are. They're going to.

[D]

Well, they're they're starting to date. They can, you know, have a pretty fun party.

[B]

Terrifying, by the way, I'm talking about my twin boys, of course. My twin boys, Matt and Windows 96.

[D]

That was. In retrospect.

[B]

It sure was.

[D]

We really thought that update was going to come out. We thought we were going to.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, boy.

[D]

Clever one.

[B]

I just call him Win for short most of the time, because.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah, that's much better.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Well, okay. I just think that's. It's a. I think it's a nightmare scenario in that room and it's awful. And. And what I just wanted.

[A]

Bad idea. You shouldn't have done this.

[B]

But I just wanted to share because I got some real nice feedback about my. My thought of it. Then of the next project I want to work on, which is, you know, we talked about oh, Mary, a wonderful play that everyone loves, that's about Mary Todd Lincoln that that great performer Cola Scola wrote. And it won the Tony, and everyone's famous in it. They keep on putting famous people in it. And. And I kind of wanted to make my own, so I based it on one of our local sort of famous wives of a politician, Gretel. And I was thinking, instead of saying, oh, Gretel. What did you say? Gretel. O. Like that. That I should switch it like that.

[A]

That was one suggestion.

[B]

Okay, well, I like it.

[A]

Gretel. Oh.

[B]

Or aww, Gretel.

[C]

Aw.

[B]

Like, aw. Oh, Gretel. Oh, no. Oh, Gretel go back to the nursery. And you know what's funny is that I, you know, we don't. There's no record of how she talks.

[A]

No.

[B]

So it's funny that you bring that up because I was thinking, oh, should she talk like Elizabeth McGovern? And that way I can just do that for an hour. I think it'd be fantastic because there was.

[A]

There was an old wax cylinder of her husband.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And he's talking. He's giving a speech. And then you hear a door open. She apparently walked in. He says, it's a little off mic. He says, did you want to say something?

[B]

And she famously, you know, as we said this before, she. The only. The only sort of picture of her that they made a painting out of was she accidentally walked through his swearing in ceremony, which was held inside because it was raining. And I believe he did say, what are you doing here?

[A]

Yes. She came down.

[B]

She wasn't supposed to be there.

[A]

She came down.

[B]

She was a real shunned woman. It was Terrible.

[A]

Real shunned woman.

[B]

So she was always. She was always taking him by surprise. Always, you know, just, like, sneaking up on him. So, yeah, she did not speak in the wax. She didn't speak the wax.

[A]

And as the story goes, she just shook her head and walked out.

[B]

So it means I kind of get to, you know, interpret history a little bit, I think.

[A]

Sure. I'm not trying to stop you. But now. Now, is yours going to be comedic in the way that Omari is?

[B]

I would love that to be the case. I'd love to be a little naughty with it. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Sure, why not?

[B]

I haven't seen the play, but I read it. I was able to get it online. I purchased it through Dramatist Bookshop Dramas book. I don't forget what it's called.

[A]

Samuel French.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's it. And. And it's so funny. And it's. It's naughty.

[A]

Reads funny on the page.

[B]

It really does. It really does. So. So, yeah, I think that that's where I'm at right now. And, you know, when I was doing the decoupage and I was looking at Mitch McNutt's, you know, words.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I was just thinking, you know what this is, and I don't want this to be the goal, but, boy, I would just really like him. You know what I mean?

[A]

Oh, absolutely.

[B]

I'd love to show him. And I think I'm going to include it. Yeah, I think I'm going to make a character based on him in the play off. Okay. You know what, Britney? You always get two graphics.

[A]

I hate that guy.

[B]

I know you. You're very clear about it. Always. Well, don't spit on my kitchen floor.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Unnecessary car. All right, babe. How long have we been talking? It's probably long enough.

[D]

Let me get down here.

[B]

Oh, God, yes.

[A]

You were on the bowl off the bowl.

[B]

Stop cranking. Remember Crank yankers?

[A]

Of course I do.

[B]

It was real phone calls.

[A]

Puppets making crank phone calls.

[B]

Making prank phone calls in the two.

[A]

Places you're allowed to do that.

[B]

Yeah. Was it pizza places?

[A]

I believe it was New York and Las Vegas. Oh, we're the only two places where you could record people without their knowledge or consent.

[B]

Yes. I thought you meant places of business.

[A]

Why are there Two is still too many.

[B]

It sure is.

[A]

I like it. There shouldn't be.

[D]

One should always be able to prank call.

[A]

How do you think?

[D]

19 minutes.

[A]

How did it ever get to.

[B]

We can talk about this for a second.

[A]

I mean, did it ever come up where they said, should we make it illegal to record people here without their knowledge or consent? And the majority said no.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

We like it. We think it's good. All right. Did you give us an answer?

[B]

He said 19, which probably. That was about 20, which is about right.

[A]

Yeah, I think that feels about right.

[B]

Yeah, I think we've done it.

[A]

All right. Well, we talked about ourselves, which is great. We'll be back with the Neighbor Listen when the Neighbor Listen returns goods. 10, 9, 8. The countdown is on. Holiday shopping season is officially here. Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high quality finds you won't see anywhere else. Don't wait. It sickens me to think of you waiting. The most meaningful gifts get scooped up fast. Don't I know it. And now's the perfect time to cross names off your list. Christmas gift buying list. I don't know what else you're into. That's your business. I'm not encouraging you to do anything like that. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or made in the U.S. many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind. Let me tell you something. I went on Uncommon Goods on their website to find something for myself because that's how I buy gifts for me. And I got this pair of socks. Do you remember the old Give a hoot, don't pollute campaign with Woodsy the owl? And this pair of socks has Woodsy on there. It's. Yes, it says give a hoot, don't pollute. They look really nice. It's like also a nice shade of. It's almost like a butter. Like a light butter. Butter.

[C]

And.

[A]

And they're comfortable as hell. I just wore them for the first time the other day. Loved them, got some compliments. Anyway, you're not here to talk about my life. Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. From moms and dads to kids and teens. All of them. From book lovers, history buffs, and die hard football fans to foodies, mixologists, and avid gardeners, you'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. Hence the name Uncommon Goods. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches. So shop now before they sell out this holiday season. So don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush and then feel the rush to get 15% off your next gift. Go to UncommonGoods.com TNL that's UncommonGoods.com TNL for 15% off Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Hi, this is Mike and got a free sleep apnea machine. You'll notice I posted a picture of some women dressed up in Handmaid's Tale costumes instead of the sleep apnea machine. Because I really want people to think about this. When you're trying to sleep and you can't, that's a form of oppression. And. Look, I. Don't know. I don't know how to take pictures with my phone. And I thought, well, I gotta put something up there. And I really. I don't want to take a picture of a. Have a picture or use a picture of a. I can't take a picture. I don't want to use a picture of a sleep apnea machine machine. I couldn't find my model online, so I couldn't show the exact sleep apnea. And then I didn't want people to say, well, this isn't the one that you promised. And, and, and. And I thought, well, if I just put something that's not a sleep apnea machine, nobody can say, this is not the sleep apnea machine that you advertise. Because I. I'm not. Because. Because I'm not putting a picture of it. It's a picture of these women because, you know, because I feel it's important to think about the things that are. That are talked about on that show. And I know it was a book first, and, And I also was afraid of using a copyrighted image from the show. I thought I would get in trouble. So I just found this picture of these women doing it. I didn't get releases signed by these women, but it was a picture that was in. It was a public picture. I don't know how they thought. Are you snoring? Come get this. And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen in, Joan. It's that time.

[B]

It sure is.

[A]

We have a guest right here with us at the kitchen island. Here's what we do, folks. Every week, we comb the neighborhouse, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we'll look for interesting neighbors to talk to. Maybe they want to amplify their message. Maybe they want to defend themselves. It takes all kinds.

[B]

It does.

[A]

And we invite them. All kinds. On the show.

[B]

We do.

[A]

Sometimes it's a mistake.

[B]

It sure is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hopefully not today.

[A]

Hopefully not. But if you see a post that you think is interesting, you'd like us to contact the person in the post. Why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at garbage? Can I tell you what happened?

[B]

Okay. Please do.

[D]

I think I know what happened.

[B]

Oh, baby.

[A]

Doug, what do you think happened?

[D]

Well, I heard G, so I think you were about to say Gmail.

[A]

Oh, I was. No, but that's not what made me do that. Okay. What happened was, I usually say, if you see a post that you think is interesting, screenshot it, send it to us.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Then for some reason, I made it about, screenshot it, send it to us so we can contact the person. I didn't need to do that.

[B]

I just want to remind you, you slept on a mountain last night and crows pecke you awake. So I really think you need to give yourself some grace. Okay? Because I think that's what's happening here.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

I appreciate that you have one dark circle drawn on your face. You're not doing well today.

[A]

Okay, that's true. I've had better days.

[B]

So let's just. Let's just move on. Let's just carry on.

[A]

Absolutely. My point to the listener is, if you see an interesting post, screenshot it, Send it to [e-mail].

[D]

That doesn't explain the G thing.

[B]

Babe. Let's just.

[A]

Because I started to say Gmail before I gave out the pertinent part of the address.

[D]

This is because you said the wrong thing.

[B]

Guys. Yes.

[A]

And then I got in my head.

[D]

So you started going backwards from the end.

[A]

Okay, I was distracted. Doug, I don't. You're making me. Babe, get back on.

[B]

Get back to your crank.

[A]

Go crank. Go crank about it, Doug. Maybe I will.

[B]

It's on. All right, what is the post first?

[A]

All right, this is a post. This is very interesting.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Did anybody else get their Christmas decorations stolen in the morning? We live at 4293 Coolidge and love decorating for the holidays. A little background about them. We have a pine tree in front of our house adorned with lights and an inflatable Santa that was tied and staked down. Around 3:05am a pickup truck pulled up in front of our house. A man got out, took our Santa and replaced it with a small tree. In the video, you can see he was struggling to take our Santa. We don't appreciate someone switching out our decorations. I'm sharing this video in case anyone recognizes the person involved. This kind of behavior is unacceptable. I've also posted a photo of the tree they left behind. Now, the video.

[B]

Yeah, let me take a look here.

[A]

It does say it was. It was. It says 2:01am in the.

[B]

I can't see very well.

[A]

Okay, Joan, I'm trying to do it. God.

[B]

Can you see any type of person like that identifiable?

[A]

Well, we're waiting for the truck to pull up.

[B]

Okay. I see three reindeer. Those are adorable.

[A]

You see the lights?

[B]

Oh, it's a very big tree.

[C]

The.

[B]

The br. The trunk is decorated.

[A]

Yes, the trunk is the lights, as promised.

[B]

Got his blinkers on.

[A]

Person's really taking their time.

[B]

It's taking a while. Okay, I see. How could you possibly recognize someone from just that?

[A]

They walk around shrewdly, put their back to the camera.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What has he got in it? Oh, he's got the other fake tree in a bag. Why did they bring a fake tree?

[A]

I guess because they. Well, it's not a fake tree. Tried to make a text go away, and that just showed everything.

[B]

Is it a clue?

[A]

It is not a text from Gabby. It's a text from the guys at the pharmacy saying tomorrow is a pill roulette day.

[B]

Is that for the pharmacist?

[A]

That's for the pharmacist. For the pharmacist. No, of course not. For the patients.

[B]

Thank God. I didn't know that was something you guys do. That sounds dangerous. Pill root day.

[A]

You know, we know what the pills are. Whoever loads the pill gun.

[B]

Okay, well, you answered my question.

[A]

Knows which pills there are, and they're all safe to take.

[B]

Good Lord.

[A]

All right, so, yes, the person takes the Santa, leaves the. It's a wrapped tree, like, with the twine on it, you know?

[B]

Okay, we're gonna get into it, Joan. Okay? You really need to get some good sleep.

[A]

I really do. All right. And so do.

[B]

Who do we have here? The person whose tree was sort of vandalized or the person who took the Santa?

[A]

That's what we're going to find out. This is posted by someone named Steph. And I don't want to sound like John Edwards in Crossing over, but is Steph here with us right now, or.

[B]

Is it someone else?

[C]

I sure am. It's me.

[B]

It's Steph. It's you, Steph. Okay, great.

[A]

So, Steph, you have this video of this person, and as you say, they take your Santa, they do struggle a bit, and they leave behind this tree. A fresh tree.

[C]

Yeah. And the tree, as you could tell in the video, the tree is not very big.

[A]

Yeah, no, it really isn't really small.

[C]

It really is small tree. And so that's. And it was laid down.

[B]

Yeah, it's just on the ground.

[C]

So I had to go. I wasn't sure what it was. I thought it could have been a caterpillar. It could have been just like some extra.

[B]

It could have been. I'm not sure that it could have been a caterpillar.

[C]

Oh, I'm sorry. What do you guys do professionally? Because clearly you don't work with bugs.

[A]

Oh, no, that's true. I don't.

[B]

You know what? You got us there. We do not work with bugs, and you do.

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah, but you're saying. You're saying for us to take the plank from our own eyes.

[C]

The way.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes, the way. Yeah, it's just. It's just very clear to me.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You're very. Your hands are clean. I'm looking at your finger. Fingernails.

[B]

Yeah. You got realtor hands. That's for sure.

[D]

That's true.

[C]

All they do is make cookies get dirty. Yeah.

[B]

And shake hands. Okay, so. All right, let's. Point taken. Let. Let's go back to. Let's go back to the. The tree left on the ground. You did not see this until you woke up in the morning. I'm imagining, right? What did you notice first? Did you. Did you walk out of your house and notice your Santa was missing, or did you first notice this weird tree?

[A]

Great question, Joe.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[C]

Thank you. It was a Santa thing because I walked out to say good morning to Santa. Oh, is that.

[B]

That's something you do every morning?

[A]

That's cute.

[B]

That's sweet.

[C]

Year round.

[B]

Oh, year round. Oh, are you one of those families where you have your. Your decorations up year round?

[C]

I wish I could say I was a family. Oh, sorry. It's tough out.

[A]

Well, you do, because you do say our Santa.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

You did our tree.

[B]

But you live alone.

[C]

I do. I live alone. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm out there. I'm out there. I put myself.

[A]

So why in the post do you say we?

[C]

Because you might go into that post burn.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know if he wants to talk about that.

[A]

Well, I mean, honestly, why is he on the show?

[B]

Bert, this is too soon to get confrontational.

[A]

I mean, you don't want to talk about the post.

[B]

He's trying to answer my question. Okay. He said he noticed the Santa because he says hi to the Santa every morning.

[A]

Oh, I heard that.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

So it's.

[B]

I'm trying stuff. I'm really trying.

[C]

No, I appreciate it. Well, so it's we. Because it's me. Me and my other decorations. So year round. Year round. I think I mentioned.

[B]

But you said that you couldn't. Okay, so now I feel bad. Cause now I'm gonna say it's him.

[A]

And the other decorations.

[B]

And you wish you could have your decorations up year round.

[A]

Why can't.

[B]

But you don't.

[C]

I have decorations up year round, but they differ. So Santa stays up year round.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But like the other one's for different days. So I have flags, you know, that come out as a March of years. I have like for.

[B]

For what now? Something happened. It's like handover.

[C]

Oh. So flags up for different. Different points of the year.

[B]

Oh, flags for different points of the year.

[C]

Okay. Oh, no.

[A]

Now that makes sense.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So different flags.

[B]

Sure. Different flags.

[C]

Like a flag with a heart in February.

[B]

February, great.

[C]

That point of the year, a flag with a flag. You know, celebrating.

[B]

Spoon. Spoon flag. Maybe a spoon flag.

[C]

A spoon flag. I have a flag that just says, you know, memorial gate.

[B]

Just memorial.

[C]

It just says the word memorial, not the American flood.

[B]

Is there a design? No, it's just a memorial.

[C]

No, absolutely not. A flag.

[B]

Wow, that was a big reaction.

[C]

It is. It says memorial. That was a custom made one, I would imagine. Yeah, I made that one myself. I made it.

[B]

Yeah, you'd have to.

[C]

I made it in a workshop. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, let's go through the rest of the year.

[C]

Yeah, sure. So I have a flag with a pumpkin on it.

[B]

Okay, that makes sense.

[C]

And that one's. Yeah. And then that's just to celebrate that fall is here.

[B]

If I may, it seems like. If I may, if I may, it seems like every holiday and season has a flag, except for Christmas, but gets an actual 3D Santa.

[C]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[A]

Who is up all year long.

[B]

Who is up all year long. So I would assume you're saying the Christmas season. Is that your favorite?

[C]

Yeah, Christmas.

[B]

That's the one you sort of place the most important.

[C]

That's my favorite. I place a lot of importance. And that one for me, you know, because Christmas is November. Is it November?

[B]

It's generally. It's generally in December.

[C]

Okay. For most people, it's in. I guess.

[A]

No, no, no, Steph. Christmas is December 25th. Every year. It's a federal holiday.

[C]

Every. Every year. Every single.

[B]

Christ. You could argue you can keep in your heart all year. And also people are putting out decorations faster and faster every year. Listen, I mean, you're. You're. The false messy is also guilty of this November. There were Santa decorations. There were all sorts of Christmas things. These people do not wait.

[D]

So in some ways you can say.

[B]

The starts in November. What?

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

He's leaning forward to me. He's taking my hand.

[A]

You are trying to make me.

[B]

He's squeezing it hard.

[A]

The bad guy. You're indicting me in the falls to see. I'm sorry.

[D]

He did everything right. And you're indicting him.

[A]

I did everything right.

[B]

When you're indicting me, you're indicting anybody. You just wanted to use that word.

[C]

Honestly, it was a good word. It was a word. I was. I was. I was spun by it. I was. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Pendulum swaying over here.

[B]

All right, you know what I was just trying to do? I was not trying to indict anybody, Okay? I was just trying to say we cannot make.

[A]

We cannot normalize the idea that someone does not know that Christmas is on December 25th.

[B]

I guess I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that when he was talking. Because that is why I'm a nice person.

[A]

He has to. And I'm not. And that's. That's what you're implying.

[B]

No, again, you're putting words in my mouth. Okay? You're putting words in my mouth and indicting you. You're not on a jury.

[A]

I did everything right.

[B]

There's no diary here. I'm just saying maybe what he means is Christmas, quote unquote, starts for some people in November. Now, is that what you meant? Or did you not know that December 25th is always the calendar date of Christmas?

[C]

Always Christmas. I didn't. I wasn't sure. It was always. I don't really check.

[B]

Okay. So I was wrong and you were right. Bernd, are you happy?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Will you let go my hand?

[A]

I'm ecstatic. Yes, I will.

[C]

Well, I do. I do love. I love Christmas.

[B]

Okay. How come. Why is that? Do you have a reason? Do you have, like a family memory or something like, lovely about Christmas? What is it about it?

[C]

Yeah, you know, just. I love the snow. I love the. You know, I love red. I love.

[B]

Okay, Got snow and red snow.

[C]

I love red.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You know, I'm not a fan of boots, but, like the fur part.

[B]

Apple bottom jeans.

[C]

I love apple bottom jeans. I do. I love apple bottom jeans. So.

[A]

I love.

[C]

I love. Like.

[A]

Those are the things I feel.

[B]

My favorite things.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Those are my Christmas things. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It would have been fun if we added a few for Julie Andrews.

[A]

Boots with the fur on and apple bottom je. I do love a crispy. I do.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Come on, let's Be real.

[B]

What are the brown paper packages? Who wants that tight of a string? Try harder.

[A]

That's true. You know, I say I'd like you to weigh in on this stuff because you're such a Christmas fan. I don't like that My Favorite Things has become a Christmas standard.

[B]

The worst. It's so weird.

[A]

It has nothing to do with Christmas.

[C]

Right?

[B]

It's because. It's because it's like. That's right. It's just snowflakes.

[A]

Brown paper packages tied up with.

[B]

That's right. Which again, that doesn't shout Christmas to me. That shouts, you went to the butcher.

[A]

It's not about a birthday. It's about. It's just a list of things. Just a list of things that someone likes.

[D]

That's it.

[B]

If you want the truth. Because, of course, I'm not for presents.

[A]

No snowflakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes. That's not a present you can give someone.

[B]

Can I? Can I? Can I weigh in Doug?

[A]

You know what?

[D]

Actually, I can crank Doug. I think I could formulate that.

[A]

Go crank it.

[B]

You're still holding my hand to say that to him. You're squeezing my hand.

[A]

I'm not aware of what I'm doing. I'm delirious. This place.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, is that the mechanical. That's the sound of the cranky. You know what?

[A]

I will.

[B]

He's cranking.

[A]

Terrible.

[B]

That's all.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

Is everything okay?

[B]

I don't think so, Steph.

[D]

Should I call.

[B]

No, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

I want to weigh in here with my musical theater knowledge. Okay? If people don't know. Because if you think of the movie the Sound of Music, she sings the Lonely Goather, that little puppet song. Right, Right. Yeah, she sings that. You know that. She makes the children perform it, and when there's a thunderstorm, she sings My Favorite Things to comfort them. Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Well, that's how it is in the original production. She sings the Lonely Goatherd to make them not scared of the thunderstorm. And she sings My Favorite Things with the nun, with the Mother Abbess.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because the Mother Abbess is the one who says, this is the song I sing when I'm trying to cheer myself up. So that makes me even more mad because it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. And it wasn't even sung by Julie Andrews character in that way in the first place.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

But then when the children are scared, why wouldn't that also be the same song?

[B]

I know. Instead, she Sings a song about a goat hero and I don't care.

[D]

I don't like that.

[A]

I don't like that.

[D]

As more than a few to distract.

[B]

Them from the sound.

[D]

Few means three. This is at least several things established.

[A]

That few means three.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

These are several of my favorite things.

[B]

That's how you want it. It wouldn't stand there.

[C]

I support that.

[B]

So we're all in agreement that it's not. It shouldn't be used as a Christmas song. I agree with that.

[C]

And that's also very specific to one person as well.

[B]

It sure is.

[D]

It should be.

[A]

Like, Christmas songs are universal.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Exactly. Yeah. I don't agree with it.

[B]

Yeah, we don't.

[A]

Okay, Doug.

[D]

Well, I'm trying to join in. I thought we were consensus building.

[A]

We did it.

[B]

All right. There's so much we haven't even tapped into in this incredibly interesting post. Here's what I want to talk about. Why do you suppose they left a very small tree under a very gigantic tree?

[C]

I mean, for comedy. That person.

[A]

You said for comedy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did it work? Did it make you laugh?

[C]

It didn't make me laugh. But, you know, somebody has been petitioning to try and open a new comedy club.

[B]

Oh, I have heard.

[C]

I've heard about Course on the corner. He'd been petitioning, and he came to my door, and I gave him a few choice words. Oh, I had a few choice words.

[B]

Can you share some of them?

[C]

Some of the words.

[B]

Some of the choice words.

[A]

When this person approached, what did they say?

[B]

Yeah, that's a good place to knock on the door.

[A]

You open the door. It's a very good place to start.

[B]

Very good.

[C]

Yeah. So, yeah, he came up to me with a little clipboard. Okay, Clipboard. Jinx.

[A]

Oh, Doug loves the jinx.

[C]

Jinx. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so for people who don't know, in dignity falls.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If someone calls Jinx, you have to then cause bad luck to this person's person of choice. Yeah. So just let me know who it is, and I'll do my best to cause bad luck.

[B]

Maybe a little pill roulette or something.

[C]

I'm so thankful. A little pill roulette. Really helpful. So this person, they show up with, show up with their clipboard.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Hey, we're trying to get this comedy thing started because we need more laughter in town.

[B]

Okay, well.

[C]

And yeah, that was my response, too. I was like, well, I've laughed three, four times today. I don't need. And also, you know that. That was three to four times.

[B]

And you're good for the day when it comes to laughing.

[A]

That's not bad. Yeah, I think that's fair, honestly. Yeah, I'd like more. Sure.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

I'd sell it for three or four.

[C]

Yeah, same. That amount of laugh, that amount of coffee.

[B]

Not a courtesy laugh. Like a good hearty, real one.

[C]

Yeah, good. Like. Yeah, that's what I get with Santa in the morning, apparently.

[B]

So. Yeah, we laugh. When you say we chat. I would love to know what that actually means.

[C]

It's my dreams. It's usually in the morning. So whatever I dreams about that.

[B]

Is it a one sided conversation?

[A]

Do you talk about?

[C]

It's a conversation. Conversation I think is back and forth, right?

[A]

No, this sounds a Christmas decoration, just to be clear.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are you hearing him talk to you?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. He admitted that much more easily than I thought he would.

[A]

Yeah, I was expecting more of a holdout. So did he? Does he. Do you hear his voice out loud or is it in your head?

[C]

I mean, it sounds like clear as day to me. Just like how you're. I can hear you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, but I. But Bernd, again, don't. It's not gonna sound like what your voice sounds like when you do Santa because we as we all.

[C]

Santa voice.

[B]

No, he doesn't.

[A]

Oh, I do.

[B]

He thinks he does.

[A]

I was famous for playing, playing Santa around the holidays.

[B]

Famous because it scared the children.

[A]

The kids would come up and I'd be more close.

[B]

Not at all close. Nope. It's like the leprechaun from the movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's not the voice you hear I'm imagining.

[C]

No, no, no. The voice I hear is more like Regis.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Regis.

[B]

Philip, are you okay?

[D]

Not the other Regis.

[C]

Not the other Regis. Not the other Regis. No. This is what. Regis Philburn.

[A]

Regis Philburn.

[C]

Do you know, Are you familiar?

[B]

I'm familiar. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

But how long has this been going on?

[C]

2000. 2001.

[D]

He asked you if you want to be asked if you want to be a millionaire.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, he has. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so let me take a pause for a minute and we're laughing a little bit, but this might actually. I mean, first of all, there's a lot of things that are kind of serious about this. But second, second of all, this, if this is a per. If this to you is a presence in your life that actually you hear speaking and is your company in the morning guidance, you must be very devastated that this Santa's missing. And it seems strange that you're not more worried or are you just underplaying.

[A]

Very calm about it.

[B]

You're very calm about it.

[C]

Yeah. This is my 10. This is me out of 10 right now.

[B]

Really? Of anything.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. So I am. I'm usually not as, like, animated and stuff as I am right now.

[B]

Okay. Can I ask what you do for a living?

[C]

I have security for a.

[B]

For what?

[C]

Just in general, any kind of security you need. So like, security in your finances, relationship security, physical security. Yeah. So like.

[A]

So like a private contractor of sorts.

[C]

So anything. Anything.

[B]

Do you have a lot of clients right now? Like, how many clients do you have right now?

[C]

I had. I almost had one, but they heard. They heard about the. Me not being able to secure my decorations, a bad reputation.

[B]

But how does that work? How do you advertise? Do you have, like a website or something?

[C]

I usually, like, knock on doors with a clip board.

[B]

Oh, dear.

[C]

And you know, I ask.

[A]

I ask question burnt.

[B]

It's like, usually clipboard is for signatures.

[A]

I know what a clipboard is. Yes, I have. What do you have? Let's. Do you have a piece of paper clipped in there?

[C]

Piece of paper clipped in there.

[B]

And what is the fair. To be fair, when you. When you mind a clipboard, you mind a piece of paper that you were pulling up. So we wondered what that piece of paper was.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What does it say? Anything on the piece of paper?

[C]

It's blank.

[B]

Oh, dear. Oh, no.

[C]

I'm trying to get names on it. So I'm hoping. Oh, get a name.

[B]

Like just the name of a client of a person.

[C]

I don't. I don't call them clients. I call them friends. Because client is so corporate. I'm not a corporate.

[B]

Sure. But you can see how that might be misleading if someone shows up to your door with a clipboard and a blank piece of paper saying, I just want some friends, can I have your name?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Without saying, well, actually, I have a business. I want to protect something in your life. Security.

[C]

That's kind of my approach. I kind of. I kind of go for the.

[A]

But no. Okay. So you're not having much luck with that.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And yet when the comedy club man showed up to your door clipboard, he wants to get more laughter in town.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You were very cold to him.

[C]

I was.

[A]

Even though you should understand what it's like to have to get out there and try to hustle.

[B]

You've been walking that beat yourself.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And I hear exactly what you're saying.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Insecurity, though. Empathy is not something that helps you succeed. Wow. So any kind of being empathetic to things in life. I shut it down for business.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[C]

To be better.

[A]

I guess that makes a certain kind of sense.

[B]

Have you been able to secure any work as a security person?

[C]

Not yet. We've been close, but not yet.

[B]

So right now it's just. It's what you say when it's sort of aspirational. I would say yes. Right.

[C]

Inspirational. Aspirational. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I mean, they're two. Yeah, sure. Okay, so then, so. But if you say that this is a 10, can you @ least with your words, tell me, like, are you very concerned about your Santa being missing?

[C]

Oh, absolutely, I'm concerned. I would like Santa to be back in my life as soon. As soon as possible.

[B]

And have you had any leads in terms of people spotting this video and saying, oh, this looks like someone that I know? Has anyone responded to you yet?

[C]

I've suspected folks, so I've kind of sat at the.

[B]

So you haven't had any comments on this post that tell you. Wait, I think I recognize that person.

[C]

No, not yet.

[B]

Not yet.

[C]

But I have, again, I kind of, like, see people.

[B]

You have a suspicion?

[C]

I have a couple suspicions.

[B]

Who do you think? Who are your suspects?

[C]

There's a guy called Ben Apage.

[B]

Ben A. Page.

[C]

Ben A. Page.

[A]

Are you aware of it? The name sounds kind of familiar.

[B]

It does sound familiar.

[C]

Ben A. Page. He works at the coffee shop.

[B]

Oh, he works at a coffee shop.

[C]

He works at a coffee shop.

[A]

Oh, coffee and tires.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

He's the mechanic at the coffee shop.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Yes, yes. And he. I was sitting there. I was watching. I was kind of scoping out, trying to see who was feeling good on the day that it happened.

[B]

It's one of those for just so people don't know. It's one of those people. It is one of those places where someone's underneath the car working on it. But also that's where the espresso machines are. So they just. They're basically handing it to you from underneath the car.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you really don't want to get one of the mechanics. You want to get one of the actual baristas protecting the mechanic, because if.

[A]

They'Re slammed, then you will get one of the mechanics. Also, you can. If. If the seats are full, they'll give you one of those little dollies you can lay on and go into a car and drink your coffee.

[C]

And they have WI fi there in case you want to work.

[A]

The WI fi is great.

[B]

I was just going to talk about the WI Fi. Basically. I was just going to Talk about the WI Fi.

[A]

So good.

[C]

Yeah. Cuz it's like.

[B]

It's so good.

[C]

It's like a local. It's local WI Fi. It's not one of the national brands.

[A]

Exactly. Local WI Fi. It's hard to say.

[D]

Their motor oil looks just like the coffee, though.

[B]

That's.

[D]

That's like. They sell you, you know, you can. Yeah, it's tough. Tough to pick. You have to guess which is which.

[C]

You have to be very careful, very careful with taking a random sip. You have to be very careful.

[B]

So. Hang on a second. I need to go back. Okay, so Ben A. Page and you think, why do you suspect maybe Ben A. Page is the one who stole your Santa?

[C]

Because you know, the way he asked how I was doing and how was that?

[B]

Could you maybe.

[C]

Yeah, it was like anything. Anything new. Oh, anything new, bud.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Like, why would you say that if you didn't know something just happened to you?

[C]

His eyebrow went out. Like. I can't do the eyebrow thing, but one eyebrow? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Kind of like.

[C]

Like the Rock, you know?

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

I love it when he does that. That's fun.

[A]

Oh, who doesn't?

[C]

I know. I love when the Rock does it, but not when Ben A. Page does it.

[B]

Of course not.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So then how did you answer him? Did you. Did you let any. Did you let on that you suspected him or.

[C]

Yeah, immed.

[B]

Okay, what'd you say? How'd that go?

[C]

You. Oh, that's.

[B]

Now that's more emotion than you've shown before.

[A]

I feel like we've gone up to 11.

[B]

I agree. That was 11.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I wasn't.

[B]

No, I like this. I like seeing this. I want you to stand up for yourself. So what'd you say? He said, you.

[C]

You. You. You took. You took him. Give him back. Give him just a little bit dribble. When I said, that's so good. And he said, said who?

[B]

Uhhuh.

[C]

I said, you know who.

[A]

He's toying with you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is some kind of the mind games. I like mind games. You know, say you give him. Give him back. He said, who? I said, you know who? I said, give him back. He said, you who? And he said, you know who.

[B]

This went on for a while.

[A]

The same exchange over and over. Yeah, give him. But you know who?

[B]

Oh, gosh. Okay.

[C]

You guys were giving in, you know. Yeah, there was a lot of that.

[A]

You know who.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And then I got light. Ha. And I had to take a seat. I Got a little light headed. I had to take a seat on.

[B]

One of the dollies. Sure.

[C]

Yeah. And you know what the crazy thing is? I took a seat at one of the dollies. They wheeled me out. They just.

[B]

Oh, well, that would have been very nice.

[A]

By the feet or by the head?

[C]

They push the feet.

[B]

Head first. You mean feet first?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, they pushed the feet and I was out.

[A]

Wow, that's very dangerous.

[C]

It is.

[B]

It sure is.

[A]

Because that shop is on a little bit of a slope.

[B]

Yeah, right onto a highway.

[A]

It's a slope that goes onto a highway. If you park a lot, it is terrifying to get out of that place.

[C]

It does say at your own risk. Absolutely.

[A]

Parking is free at your own risk. And I mean, you got to be. You got to be gunning it with.

[B]

It's that WI fi, though. It keeps people doing it. That's why they risk.

[C]

Reaches. It's a wide radius. It does.

[B]

Okay, so it doesn't sound like that went too well, but I would say it makes. It really makes Ben Leage look very suspic.

[C]

Absolutely.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What? Do you have any history with him? Like, do you hang out there at that place often or, like, why would he want to do something? Yeah, like, why would he want to. What's his beef with you?

[A]

What did you do?

[C]

Honestly, I am not sure. We did go to, you know, like, high school and college. We worked together previously.

[B]

Worked together doing what?

[C]

Security.

[B]

So wait, you have had some actual security jobs?

[C]

My first job, I worked in a security job. Security office. So I did. You know what I want?

[B]

I want something more than just the word security. Like, I need a word before.

[A]

It's not the word office. I feel like that might be.

[B]

It was close.

[C]

Security office.

[B]

Can I get an extra word?

[A]

Like, what happened to the security home.

[B]

Security office or I answered the phones.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. And when you answer the phone, what do you say?

[C]

Hello.

[A]

Very casual. Very casual.

[B]

I really thought I was going to get somewhere where.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

It's very pleasant, pretty standard. It's a great place.

[A]

I wouldn't mind that. Yeah, I would think I called someone's home rather than a business.

[B]

I think so, too. It always makes me nervous if someone just says hello, and I'm calling a business. That's not good. It's a scam.

[A]

You know, do you ever have somebody answer the phone where they do hello, but they don't do it like a question.

[B]

Wait, say that again.

[A]

You know, we've all sort of agreed that the. Hello.

[B]

Yes, is.

[A]

You're supposed to sound A little bit afraid.

[B]

Do we all agree that?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like you're peeking out. Like you're peeking out. Terrifying to be called peeking out. Yeah.

[A]

But if you. If you call someone and they answer like this. Hello.

[B]

Off putting.

[A]

It's a little bit.

[B]

You don't know what to do.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Again, I agree with you.

[A]

It makes you think, can you see me?

[B]

Yes. Yes. Zero surprise whatsoever.

[D]

That's true.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It really. They take the control and it really shifts the dynamic.

[A]

The only other accepted way is hello.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Good.

[B]

Doug loves to answer the phone that way.

[A]

Oh, he's a dad.

[B]

Of course he is. That's a classic dad.

[C]

That's a good answer. Hello? That's a good answer.

[A]

I must be in the front row.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I like that, though. Hello?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

That's a good answer. Hello. I love that. Yeah. Yep. So that's. That's what I did at work.

[A]

Okay. And. And what, when people called requesting security, what would they ask for?

[C]

Well, I was just the first step. So I would. I would say. I would say, hello.

[B]

And then you really were just. When you patched through to someone else.

[C]

Yeah, I just hit.

[B]

All you got to do was hello.

[C]

There were buttons. So I just say, hello.

[A]

Why would you bother?

[B]

Listen to what they said. Did you ever hear words that they said?

[C]

I didn't. That wasn't my business.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Again, security. I did like, protect security.

[A]

Oh, that's true. Security is security.

[C]

Yeah. So I was the first step. I'll say, hello, please hold. And then I'll. I'll push a button.

[A]

Hello, please hold.

[C]

Hello, please hold.

[A]

Push a button.

[B]

I will say. There are times that that happens. You don't even get a word in. Especially when I call. Like the salon that I go to. There's no worst. Hi, Lizol. No, you don't even get to say anything. You just. They're just. And they're rude about it.

[A]

I remember I worked once in a retail establishment when I was working my way through pharmacy college. And we were told if it was busy, you had to say, you know, hello, the name of the business. Can I put you on hold? May I put you on hold?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

And I. I always thought that was a mistake because sometimes they would say no.

[B]

Right? Yeah. You don't get. You want to. You don't want to give them the option.

[C]

The door's open. You've opened the door, and you got.

[B]

A lot of no's, I bet.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

People say no, no with an attitude. Immediately, no, you can't put me on hold.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

No, you may not.

[C]

No. Wow.

[B]

So you didn't let them get to that point, but it made you not understand what or who you were working for?

[C]

I had no idea.

[A]

What else would you see going on at this office?

[B]

That's a good question.

[C]

Well, I. So the office, again, the office is kind of designed like the phone, so I would.

[A]

The office designed. Kind of like the phone. Yeah, exactly.

[C]

Meaning it was shaped like that. Exactly that. It was shaped like one.

[A]

But also. Also, the office was shaped like a phone.

[C]

Yeah, like a little, you know. Yeah, we know, rotary thing.

[A]

Like just the hand.

[C]

Like.

[A]

Like the Master Control Program.

[B]

Yes, that's right. That's right.

[C]

So I would, you know, in the phone, someone would. I say, hello, please hold, and I press the button. The office. I would just enter the first part of it. I never went through the second part. I never got into one of the other rooms.

[A]

So there was just like an anteroom that you would walk into?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And would there be other doors there?

[C]

No other doors.

[A]

Would you see people come in and out?

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like a situation.

[B]

Something is going on. Now, I've got many questions.

[A]

You said he would cover his eyes. Were you asked to do that or.

[C]

You just did that out of courtesy? Out of courtesy, I would cover my eyes.

[A]

Why would you.

[B]

Could that be your instinct? I would immediately be looking.

[A]

I look at people.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If they walked out of a door. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely.

[C]

I didn't want to know. None of my business.

[A]

You never spoke to anyone there. How did you get the job?

[B]

Was it Ben that gave you the job?

[C]

It was.

[B]

Oh, so then what's your. What would you. How would you describe, up until this moment where you were suspecting him? How would you describe your friendship and what had happened that would make you think he would try to do something this mean to you?

[C]

Well, like I said, Ben and I, we did high school.

[B]

You did high school. College. You worked at the phone office.

[C]

Worked at the security office. Security office. At the security office. Together.

[A]

Oh, yeah. What did he do? He also manned the phones or did he do something else?

[C]

He did security up front. So he would make sure the right people.

[B]

Must have been a high traffic place.

[C]

There were a lot of footsteps. I would hear a lot of footsteps.

[B]

No, he wasn't.

[C]

There were a lot of footsteps I would hear.

[A]

So it wasn't carpeted?

[B]

No, no.

[C]

No carpet. No carpet.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And so he was.

[A]

Carpet.

[C]

No carpet. No carpet, no carpet. He'll be up front and we.

[B]

What's happening.

[A]

It's a little 2016.

[C]

We talked. We talked. Ben and I talked. But we had a disagreement over lunch one day.

[B]

Oh, what was it?

[C]

This kind of.

[A]

Was the disagreement about lunch or. You had the disagreement over lunch?

[B]

Okay, okay, okay.

[A]

I'm curious.

[B]

I know.

[C]

It was about. About lunch. Like, where to go.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

So he wanted to go to Panera Bread, and I was scared.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Well, because Panera Bread here is an absolute terrifying experience.

[A]

That's a recent development. Panera Bread has become very scary.

[B]

It really has. It really has.

[A]

It is, like, lawless in there.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They. I mean, truly. There's snipers on the outside.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you don't even know if you're going to get safely.

[A]

It's just rubber bullets. But still.

[B]

Right, Exactly. But there's a. There's not a greeter at the door. There's a puncher.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And also they make you go and get the food yourself. But, like, they make you make it. Yeah, but they yell in your face like drill instructors.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So it's. It's.

[A]

And I will say this, though, because of their yelling, you do end up with a great sandwich.

[D]

You can't.

[C]

You, like, push satisfaction that, you know.

[B]

You participated in it.

[A]

There's something about the way they do it. They really.

[D]

You can't mess it up.

[A]

You can't mess it up.

[B]

Yeah, but that's not. Okay, so that's not why you were. But that's not why you were mad. You're saying this was before it had changed.

[C]

That's what led to it. Because I. He wanted to go to Panera Bread. I wanted to eat what I brought from home. I brought stuff for everybody.

[A]

Oh, you brought stuff for everybody.

[B]

How.

[A]

How many people?

[C]

Me, Ben and Janet.

[A]

Who's Janet?

[B]

Janet worked at the office.

[C]

Janet worked next to me. She manned the phone.

[B]

Oh, God, I'd love to talk to Janet.

[A]

Okay, so when she would answer the phone, what would she say?

[C]

She would say hello. Say hello. And then she would pass them through.

[B]

She wouldn't even see me.

[A]

Oh, not even old. They just got right through.

[C]

She'd worked there longer than I had. She had a bit of more seniority.

[B]

She got to use more of a shorthand.

[C]

She had. She was. So she didn't have to say as much. Cause you had to. You know, calls were coming in. We had to, like, get.

[B]

What are these calls?

[C]

Calls are coming in. We had to get them through to the next step.

[B]

Why the high volume of calls?

[C]

They were coming in.

[B]

We don't know. We know they were coming in.

[A]

They were coming in.

[B]

We don't know why. We don't know before. This is so mysterious.

[D]

But there's only three people.

[B]

Like, are you able to understand that this is very mysterious to us? Like, are you bothered by the fact that you didn't know any of this stuff or what was going on?

[C]

Listen, I slept good. I still sleep good. Knowing that I did a good job. I did my best.

[A]

Okay, but you could have been aiding for all you know, some sort of murder syndicate.

[B]

True.

[C]

And I guess we'll never know.

[B]

Oh, well, that's one way to sleep at night.

[C]

So. I sleep good at night.

[B]

So wait. This argument about wanting to eat your own food instead of go to Panera Bread, you think that is what led to Ben stealing your Santa?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Cause it got personal.

[B]

That sounds petty to me.

[C]

It got personal quickly. Yeah, he insult. Cause like I said, I broke food for everybody in the office.

[B]

And what'd you bring them?

[C]

Sandwiches. So just like, different. Like, lettuce sandwich.

[B]

Lettuce sandwich.

[A]

I do love a lettuce sandwich.

[B]

Oh, Robert, could you have the maids downstairs make up a lettuce sandwich?

[A]

It's such a nice day. Let's go outside and eat lettuce sandwiches.

[C]

So, yeah. So you're familiar, like three slices of lettuce with.

[A]

Of your choice, a little bit of mayonnaise.

[C]

Just a little bit too much mayonnaise is like.

[B]

It'll ruin it. Yeah, for sure. For sure.

[C]

Your arteries. So a little bit of mayonnaise, like, and three slices of lettuce.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[C]

Yeah. And it was like tomato sandwich. And then for Janet, because I know Janet's a big fan of, like, fruit juice and stuff. So I brought Janet, like, fruit juice sandwich. Brought Janet a fruit juice sandwich.

[B]

Yeah. You stick a straw through the bread and you just sort of suck it out.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Well, you don't get it. It's great. Yeah. And so I didn't like putting all that work in and having. Having my food, my ideas, my thoughts, rejected.

[B]

Okay, I understand.

[A]

I mean, was there something that led up to this? Because that does seem. If you've gone to all this trouble to make sandwiches of various kinds for everyone in the office. And then Ben says, let's go to Panera Bread. I mean, that's very rude, I think.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And I said, it's dangerous. And he said, I'd rather go through hell than eat your cooking rather than.

[A]

So this is more than a dis. Cooking. This is more than a disagreement. Yeah. I'D rather go through hell.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That is strong words.

[C]

It was strong words. And I was like, this isn't like you. This isn't. I said, this isn't like you.

[B]

This sounds like it was a real friendship. You know, if you have to really know someone to say, this isn't like.

[A]

You to them to recognize the difference.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think you also have to know someone pretty well to say, I'd rather go through hell than, you saw what they made.

[B]

Wait, would you say this is your only friend?

[C]

Well, cuz.

[B]

I don't know. He's. I know. I know it's tough, but do you have family here in town?

[A]

He has conversations with the Christmas decorations.

[B]

I know he does. Burn. I'm trying to get to the family matter of it.

[C]

Oh, gosh. I didn't. I didn't see this coming.

[B]

I'm sorry, Steph. I just. Sometimes. Maybe it's my maternal instinct that sometimes I reach out with that question.

[C]

Yeah. And. Oh, I'm shaking.

[B]

Oh, dear.

[C]

He is. Gosh. Oh, gosh, it's cold in here.

[A]

He's back down to a 10, though.

[B]

Blanket.

[C]

Oh, gosh. Really cold.

[B]

Here, I have this. Take this blanket. Take this weighted blanket.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

Should make you feel better.

[C]

Okay. Where was I?

[B]

Your family.

[C]

My family? I don't talk to them much.

[B]

How. How come?

[C]

We had a disagreement.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Oh, another disagreement.

[B]

Was it about sandwiches?

[C]

Well, because it was Thanksgiving, and, you know, like, Thanksgiving, everybody brings food.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I said, well, what sandwiches do you want me to bring?

[B]

And what are some bad sandwiches?

[C]

My brother. My brother. You were right.

[A]

There was bad sandwiches.

[C]

My brother had already. Yeah, he said, I'd rather.

[A]

I'd rather go through what? I'd rather go through hell. Your brother also said this.

[B]

The same thing. Why does everyone want to go through hell instead of be with you?

[A]

Your own brother would rather go through hell than eat one of your lettuce.

[B]

Exaggerated. These people are going too over the top.

[A]

They're drunk, dramatic.

[B]

They're so reactionary.

[C]

That's what I mean. This is not like you.

[D]

Where are you getting your lettuce?

[A]

Ralph's face?

[C]

Just the grocery store. Ralph's.

[B]

Why do you ask him that, babe?

[D]

Well, sandwiches obviously leave something to be desired.

[A]

Oh, Doug. Oh, Doug.

[B]

You're saying he doesn't have enough in his sandwiches?

[A]

Doug.

[D]

I'm saying maybe the lettuce is poorly served.

[A]

Doug, you're victim.

[B]

Babe, I'm not sure that's right. I've done blaming.

[C]

Doug. It's so cold in here. It's Crazy.

[B]

Here's another weighted blanket.

[D]

Sorry, I don't mean to insult you. I'm just saying the freshly. Well, you.

[B]

I don't think it's. It's going to be dangerous to put a third one on you, so we're going to have to see if that really works, because I don't want to do that. You might not be able to breathe.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All right. So. So. So I was right. It was an argument about sandwiches.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And how many years ago was that argument?

[C]

With my family? Yeah, my family was seven years ago.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It was seven years and you haven't spoken.

[C]

Absolutely not.

[B]

But they live here.

[C]

We've texted. We've texted quite a bit.

[A]

Oh. Oh, okay.

[C]

We don't. We don't speak.

[B]

What do you guys say?

[A]

What do you.

[C]

Oh, just take, like, football and.

[B]

Keep it light.

[C]

Yeah. Just very surface level stuff.

[B]

Kind of avoidance of the whole thing.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just like, current events, like pop culture. Oh, did you guys see when Katy Perry went to the moon?

[B]

I sure did.

[C]

Oh, the thread was the thread of Daisy. Yeah, yeah. Just come. My dad was an astronaut. Oh, really?

[B]

He motioned to me. Like I should absolutely know that.

[C]

I thought that's why I was here.

[B]

Wait, what?

[C]

I thought everyone knew.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, I did not know. Who's your father?

[C]

My father is Richard. Richard King.

[A]

Richard King, the astronaut? Yeah, yeah. Captain Richard King.

[B]

Captain Richard King, the astronaut?

[A]

Yeah. The only astronaut from dignity falls.

[B]

Yes. I famously play the trumpet in space.

[C]

I thought you. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you guys knew.

[A]

We all knew that.

[B]

I love him.

[A]

We all love him.

[B]

He seems like such a warm guy. I'm surprised that this is the household you're coming from.

[C]

Yeah, sorry. I sign. I do sign everything, Steph, but.

[B]

Oh, but what do you. But, Captain, how would we have known that then? How would we. You sign everything, Steph? Well, because you don't want people to know you're his son. I'm confused.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. It's just because everyone. Everyone will think it's him because he's very active on the apps and stuff like that, too. Because he doesn't have anything else to do. He's just, you know, he's just here.

[B]

Okay, but are you saying you didn't include your last name because you didn't want us to make.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You thought if we heard the name Steph King, we would say, he must be the astronaut, son.

[C]

Must be. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And why didn't you want us to.

[A]

Know and then bring it up?

[B]

Seems like he thought that we assumed.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It seems like we should have known.

[C]

I didn't want the attention, you know, and. Because if I get too much attention, then people.

[A]

But. And you were counting on us to not bring it up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And we never did. But then you brought it up.

[C]

I did. I did.

[B]

Well, to be fair, Steph, I did. To be fair to Steph, I did ask him about his family, you know, I made him my family.

[A]

But, I mean, you know, if people can dodge the Harvard question, I think they can dodge. My father's a famous astronaut.

[D]

Is your dad. What does he think of your sandwiches?

[A]

Great question, Doug.

[D]

That would be hard to disappoint him.

[C]

He doesn't miss them. He's not.

[B]

Sad answer.

[A]

He's excited about them.

[D]

He doesn't miss them.

[C]

So. Yeah.

[D]

Did he say that about his trip?

[C]

His trip?

[D]

Well, like, to space? Yeah. I didn't miss your sandwiches.

[C]

He had a great time in space. He had a great time in space.

[B]

Yeah. He really is known for, like, basically having. He's like the good.

[A]

He seemed to be the good time.

[B]

Guy up in space. Blast.

[A]

More than anyone.

[B]

More than anyone.

[C]

He's inspired a generation of.

[B]

Yes, of course. Of course. Trumpet players and astronauts.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Trumpet players. Yes. Yes.

[A]

A lot more crossover now than there is.

[B]

Sure is.

[C]

It is. That's why there's a number of, like, Captain King centers.

[B]

Oh, sure.

[C]

Across the.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That tutor you in trumpeting.

[A]

And in zero gravity, they take up in that plane.

[C]

Yeah. You like. You play while at zero gravity.

[A]

Everyone throws up through the trumpet.

[B]

It's kind of inevitable, really.

[C]

It is. It is. It's cute now.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

That's cute now.

[B]

So then do you feel like maybe you, like, are living in your father's shadow or, you know, this seems like you kind of wanted us to know but didn't want us to know or assume that we knew.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I feel. I feel like I'm in his. In his shadow. Yeah. You know, that's why we have similar hair style right now. I'm just kind of leaning into it.

[B]

Should we describe his hair for the listeners? Because, I mean, no one.

[C]

Oh, sorry. They can't see. Yeah. So, yeah, I went with blue. Just like the moon.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Just like the moon.

[B]

He's got. He's kind of got thing. One and thing too.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And if you come in close, you can see the craters.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

It's very. It's moon themed.

[A]

Yeah. Your hair is moon themed.

[C]

Yeah. So you can see the different craters.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

If you look, there's a Little tiny American flag sticking out of one of.

[A]

The original golf club.

[C]

That's very. Well, with one. That's one. And very real. It's very real. The American flag that's there.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

It's real.

[B]

Of course it is. We don't need to debate that. We don't need to debate that.

[C]

Okay. I just want to be clear. Okay. He went. He. There's dust. Is actual moon dust in it.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Yeah, Moon dust. He got to bring some back.

[A]

Oh, that's nice.

[B]

Yeah, that is nice.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

At least I can give you.

[B]

Well, boy, I don't know. We kind of went down a lot of different avenues, and I feel like.

[A]

You learned a lot about you.

[B]

I love to actually leave helping someone with, like, this problem, but I don't know, part of me does think that you're right, that it's Ben. Mostly because there's not anyone else that you interact with. It doesn't sound know Janet.

[C]

It.

[A]

You don't think they're working together?

[C]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

What's your brother's name?

[C]

Ben.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[C]

Wait.

[A]

Ben King.

[C]

Ben King.

[A]

Does he have a middle name? Okay, he definitely does. What's his middle name?

[C]

Paige.

[B]

Wait. Come on.

[C]

Ben.

[A]

Peking.

[C]

Ben. Peking? Yeah. Like. Yeah, that's what we call him. Peekaboo. Yeah.

[A]

Why did you say Peking? Oh, Peking.

[B]

Peekaboo. Why'd you say peekaboo?

[C]

Peekaboo. That was his name?

[A]

Yes. Why?

[D]

I thought I got it was his middle name.

[A]

Peekaboo.

[C]

That was his nickname. His fun nickname.

[A]

Okay, why is it his nickname?

[C]

Just because of what he was. Yeah, he was peeking. He was both peeking at stuff.

[D]

His name is P and then last.

[B]

Name is P. Thank you, babe.

[A]

Okay. Thank you, Doug.

[D]

Well, hey, I mean, I think I was. I think I came out on top on that one.

[A]

No, you did. I think sometimes, Doug, you have to trust that the listener heard it. And even if we didn't hear it or acknowledge it, you don't have to say it five times.

[D]

I thought you were drowning.

[B]

Drowning. We're okay, babe. Get back to your crank.

[A]

Go crank your bowl.

[D]

You know what? Fine. I don't like the way you say that to me, but I do want to do it.

[B]

Well, Doug, I appreciate you being honest.

[D]

I'm doing it because I like it.

[B]

Gosh, Steph, it sounds like maybe it's time for, like, a Christmas. Yeah, I think that these. This is. This is the time of year when maybe sometimes we have to put these things to rest. And it sounds like you've got to get into this with your family a little bit.

[C]

I do. I do.

[B]

Because I, you know, I want you to get that Santa back. That's your companion in life, it sounds like.

[A]

Maybe you can talk to your dad about this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, he seems like a decent man.

[B]

You know, the next time he texts about football, why don't you just text him a little question back? Like a little curveball.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

But you can say something more figurative one.

[A]

That's right. You could say something like, dad, I think that my brother, your son Ben, and my old high school friend, Peekaboo. Peekaboo.

[C]

No.

[A]

Peekaboo. I think. Peekaboo.

[C]

Boo.

[A]

And high school Ben.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Have stolen my Santa decoration that I have conversations with.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you suggest I do?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, that's good.

[A]

Sometimes.

[B]

And I'm warning you, he might. He might say, wait, you're having conversations with the Santa? That might be the first thing he likes.

[A]

He might get hung up on that.

[B]

He might get hung up on that.

[A]

Yes, fair.

[B]

So maybe not that information in the first text.

[A]

I think, actually I would say throw that in pretty soon. And if you end up talking about this, that for a while, that might not be bad, actually.

[B]

Maybe that's true.

[C]

Huh? Okay. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. That's good. That's good advice.

[A]

I mean, Christmas is a time when people can reconsider their actions.

[B]

And this is true.

[A]

You know?

[B]

This is true. And I want that for you because you're sweet. You're such a sweet man, you know, And I want you to be able to enjoy this season. And it's. You know, your favorite decoration seems to be your favorite time, and you deserve to get that back. So, first of all, if either of the Bens are listening, grow up. Grow up and just get this man back his decoration. Life's too short.

[A]

Take your. Take your crummy little tree. Get out of here.

[B]

Yeah. What was that all about?

[A]

Go crank your bulls.

[B]

That's right. And you know what? I wish you the best of luck in that. I really hope you. Go ahead. Reach out to your family.

[C]

Yeah, I think. I think I'll do. I'll get it back. I'll get it back. Just in time.

[B]

Okay. Just in time. Just in time for Christmas.

[A]

It was coming. It's getting real close.

[B]

Sure is.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But then you also just have.

[C]

It'll be up year round.

[B]

Yeah, fair enough.

[C]

That's true.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Okay, well, what do you have up right now at the house?

[C]

Because I needed something in place of.

[A]

I mean, obviously you're not gonna use that dumb little flower.

[B]

No, not that dumb tree.

[C]

Not a tree. So I have a flag.

[B]

Oh, flag. A flag.

[C]

A custom flag.

[A]

All right. Oh, custom flag.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, this one is from around March.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Yeah. All right. So it's a spring.

[A]

Oh, it's just a spring.

[B]

It's just a spring.

[C]

It's a spring. It's custom made. So I got a little cute with it, so I put a little.

[A]

Like, an actual metal spring.

[C]

A metal spring.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Got it. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And there's a bit of. There's a little one of lights lighting up water.

[B]

We're playing a little bit of charades here.

[C]

Oh, that's water, too, so.

[B]

Oh, like a watering can. Like, this is when you water things in spring. Is that why he's looking at me like I'm kind of an idiot?

[C]

No, no, no. I thought it was, like, isn't there a water spring?

[A]

A water spring?

[B]

Oh, like a natural.

[C]

Like a natural spring. It's a natural spring coming from the ground.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cigar on there.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tigger's on there. It's a bunch of different. It's a bunch of different things, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

A few of my favorite springs. Yes.

[B]

You're not gonna find that in any home goods.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

I've been say no lake life poster. Okay.

[C]

I've been asked, people ask if I would sell them, but I'm trying to stick to my. I'm trying to work on my security.

[B]

Well, I would sell those. I would sell those legs. If you're getting more.

[C]

Too many people keep asking, will you sell these? And I'm like, guys, please.

[B]

Seems like an easy no.

[A]

You should do that.

[C]

A lot of people. A lot of people say that. Hundreds.

[A]

No, they're right.

[C]

Hundreds. But I want to do the security.

[B]

Text your dad and sell those flags.

[A]

Text your dad and sell those flags.

[B]

Thank you for being here, and best of luck to you.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

We'll be right back with more of the neighborhood. Listen.

[B]

Hi, everyone. This is Maya, and I have a Star Wars Baby Yoda plush for $5. Here's the thing. I don't. Someone. Someone gave this to my child, and I. I don't. I. I don't even know if I'm photographing this the right way. It looks like it's upside down. It looks nothing like Baby Yoda. I think this is a. A hell doll, and I want it out of my house. As you can see from the pictures, I don't know how to make sense of it. One of these pictures Just looks like. Almost like a loaf of bread with green feet that's been wrapped in a towel. I put down my Calico corners ruler to show you how many inches it is. And then in another photo, you'll see that I have placed it on my deodorant. I placed it on my deodorant just to show you, I guess, how you can balance its head. So this baby Yoda head can be wrapped up in a swaddling like the baby Jesus. But if you take a look at this thing, it just looks nothing like the Baby Yoda. So please come get it for $5. If you also want the Neutrogena deodorant, I'll toss that into for free. Just come get it, please.

[A]

And we're back. Well, Stephen, what a character.

[B]

The people we have on this show. Sometimes I'm rooting for him, sure.

[A]

But he's troubled.

[B]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

Yeah. He's having conversations.

[B]

Sweet, man. It's the first word I would use to describe him.

[A]

He is sweet.

[B]

But, yeah, I just so, so worried about him because it's like. I mean, first of all, he's talking to him. He actually hears the Santa decoration. Talk back to him.

[A]

Yeah, something's wrong with his brain.

[B]

Okay, wait, we're stuck in a loop. Hey, babe, I just want to check in with you really quick because things got a little heated just then. Just then, before the break, and. Sorry about that. I don't know. Burnt. Do you want to say anything? Because the two of you, you guys haven't fought in a while.

[A]

No, I know.

[C]

And.

[A]

And Doug, I apologize. I'm a little, you know, on edge, and I haven't got much sleep, and you are being annoying.

[B]

This is. No, we don't need. This is not how. This is not how it works. Bird.

[D]

I purposely didn't respond. I knew it was going to turn around.

[B]

See, Doug might have said something back to you, but he just stuffed. You stepped in it.

[D]

Is this the Peking thing? Is that where this started?

[A]

I think it started before that.

[B]

I was really struggling with all of that. I was hearing Peking, like, you know, as in like a location. Yes. Correct. I was not hearing P, E, E, K I, N, G. Yeah, it was kidding, confusing for me. I didn't like that moment. It wasn't fun for me. I don't like being lost in my own podcast, and it happens a lot.

[A]

It does happen a lot. Okay, should we keep doing this?

[B]

Bert, this is not the time to make those decisions. You are extremely sleep deprived. You're going through an incredibly Rough time in your relationship. I mean, I feel like we sort of talk about it casually, but this is a problem.

[C]

Hurts so much.

[B]

Friend. I'm so sorry.

[D]

Mine too.

[B]

You slept on that story for very different reasons. You guys are both hurting. I get it.

[A]

I was gonna say, Doug, that's your own fault. And then I realized it's my own fault too.

[B]

Now there you go. Well said. Burnt. Well said.

[D]

Take a ride with me after the show.

[B]

That might be kind of fun.

[A]

You don't mean the bull. No, Doug.

[D]

Tandem.

[A]

I don't want, I don't want to make my back worse by getting on a mechanical bull with another person.

[B]

What if you did the cranking?

[A]

I, I don't.

[B]

What if I do the cranking?

[A]

I, I, I appreciate what you guys are trying to do. I'm not getting on the camera Uncle Bull, today.

[B]

What about. What if you guys went down to what's the bar you guys went to that first time when you became friends? Why don't you just go down, have a drink down at dt? I think you just need to just let off some steam.

[A]

Golden tea.

[B]

That's right. Oh, pinball machine, Right?

[A]

It's been a while.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what you guys both. Oh, I thought it was a pinball machine.

[A]

No. You play golf.

[B]

That's right. Listen, if you're mad at me instead of at each other, I'll take it. Do you know, I'll take it. That's what I say to the boys all the time.

[A]

Pinball machine at at DTF has started paying out like a slot machine.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, it's wild.

[B]

That is wild.

[A]

And but it shoots out of the coin slot. There's not like a. Yeah, it's not like a slot machine where there's a, you know, sort of opening. So you have to really. If somebody having a good game, you have to really clear that area because you could get it could just shoot.

[D]

Straight through your skull. Well, but you. Those coins come out, right? And the dangers zone.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[D]

You got to be careful down there.

[A]

You got to be careful down there.

[D]

I started wearing a strapping just a bucket to my waist so it catches the coins as they shoot.

[A]

I was wondering why you were doing that. You do get really words, though.

[B]

Yes. You have to say that last part again because I was looking for a post I didn't hear.

[D]

I've been. The reason I've been strapping a bucket to my waist is to collect the coins. Shooting out of this is not something.

[A]

You discover Discussed already.

[B]

Do you Know what you need? This is what I. Doug always used to love these. Do you remember, like, well, back when we had the water, she just accepts it back. Of course I do. I know who I'm married to. But we. Back when we had the water in the lake, you know, you could take the ferry across it and, you know, the, the kids who worked on the ferry had the little coin belts.

[A]

Boy, I love those things.

[B]

I loved those things. That's what you need, because then you can collect them and put them. But those things were so fun, right?

[D]

See the point?

[A]

It just doesn't exist anymore.

[B]

They don't exist anymore. It's not even a thing. And I loved them. I thought they were so fun.

[C]

I missed the penny.

[B]

Oh, Burton, you know what? You just. Just miss Gabby. That's what's going on.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

That's all that's going on. All right.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. You're sounding like the boys when they reverted back to being young. Oh, dear. I, I, I, I really think that you need to. What's happening?

[A]

Just trying to get myself together.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Why don't we just share a post? One last post. Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. And then after the podcast, we're gonna talk about how to help you. Burnt. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And. And you.

[A]

I think I'm fine.

[B]

And you and Doug are gonna go grab a drink. It's gonna be great.

[D]

We'll be. Be fine.

[B]

We'll be fine. Okay.

[D]

We always get over it.

[A]

Let's get blackout drunk. Oh, yeah.

[D]

Of course. I forgot we did that last time. Blacked out.

[B]

Yeah, that's how you guys became great friends.

[A]

All right, we have time for one final post. This is submitted by a listener, Barry Kreider. Thank you, Barry, for the submission. This is the crime and safety section. And this someone named Marie Noel with a hyphen and everything.

[B]

I like that name. That's fun.

[A]

Marie Noel. Marie Noel. Marie Noel writes. She's attached. A picture. A picture as well. Second time I see this pig in the street on Maple Lane. Oh, who is the owner? Is he dangerous? And then you look at this pig. It's just a big, fat pig.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Who does not look dangerous? Like, he's not a wild boar.

[B]

Let me see.

[A]

But yeah, look. Look at that fatso.

[B]

Oh, he is a fat.

[A]

He's a big boy.

[B]

He is big.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But what's interesting is he's outside this fence, and inside the fence is a gigantic Halloween decoration of a chicken skeleton.

[B]

What? Let me see that. Oh, good Lord.

[A]

It's really Quite large.

[B]

So is that the yard of the person who's putting posting about this or is that the neighbor?

[A]

I think that must be the neighbor. This looks like it's taken from across the street or something.

[B]

You know what? I halfway wonder if that's the Wadowskis, that house, really? Because they are known for having the craziest Halloween decorations and I've never known where they live. They also always prank their neighbors and. Well, because I have people constantly moving out of that, those two houses on either side of them because people were. It's impossible to keep people in those houses. Wow.

[A]

They don't like the lights. They don't like the noises.

[B]

Well, they don't, they don't like the pranks. I'm, I'm of a mind and you know, I've been having.

[A]

What are the pranks? What do they do?

[B]

Well, this is what I'm, this is what I'm saying. They will, it's not just simply like a ding dong ditch. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Classic.

[B]

It's like they will, they will dress up as a SWAT team, kick down your door. But also they would dress up like animals sometimes. And I think that that's the boys in a pig.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes, I think it's a pig.

[A]

You think it's two children in a pig suit?

[B]

I think it's two in a pig suit. If it's the ws, then that's what it is. Because that's just, that is exactly, just their kind of calling card. Do you know what I mean? It's either animal suits or swan.

[A]

Yeah, they're. They're two big things.

[B]

Two big things.

[A]

Now let me, I have to get into this with Marie Noel though. She's seen this pig twice now and she's full of these questions.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Who cares? Who is the owner? Is he dangerous?

[B]

I, I think that's the bottom line. I think most of the people who are posting half of the time are people who are just afraid. We're afraid of things that don't make sense. We're afraid of things that don't, you know, that we don't recognize. And I bet you anything that pig in person is probably really big looking now. It's probably a sweetheart. But here's the thing.

[A]

If I looked out my window and I saw that big fat pig just hanging out on the, on the street corner, I'd be delighted.

[B]

You would, wouldn't you?

[A]

Yes, I would.

[B]

You'd love it burnt.

[A]

I would, I would poke and I would say, anybody else see this Big fat pig. He's great.

[B]

See, that's the difference between us and some of our citizens truly, is that they choose to be afraid of things. And you know, we shouldn't be. Unless, of course, it's the Windowski brothers, in which case move out of that house.

[A]

No. They are trying to frighten people and they're bad people. Well, that's it for this episode of the Neighborhood Listen. We thank you for listening. And if you'd like to hear more, if you liked your ad free episodes or episodes of the Bonus Room, that's our bonus content. You can go to cbbworld.com sign up on the Maximus tier and you'll get that exclusive content.

[B]

That is right. All right, boys, I think it's time for you to head to the bar.

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

What are you gonna do?

[B]

I'm just gonna enjoy the quiet.

[A]

It's hard not to take that personally.

[B]

And I'm gonna work on Aug Gretel. Okay. Of course I'm gonna work on that. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna finish my decoupage of Mitch McNuck's evil words and. Okay, I don't want you to get on a tear because you're in a good mood tonight. No, don't get in a fight with him.

[A]

I hope we see him, guys.

[D]

He reserves for himself every night.

[A]

He does at a neighborhood bar.

[D]

Yeah, it doesn't even come after that.

[B]

He's a lonely man. Of course he is.

[A]

I hate him.

[B]

Okay? But we love you, listeners.

[A]

We do love you, listeners. We hope one day you'll become fans and we'll be back next week with another episode. Until then, goodbye.

[B]

Goodbye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[A]

The Neighborhood Listener. Hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins.

[B]

And me, Nicole Parker.

[D]

And me, Brett Morris.

[A]

This episode's guest was played by Namdi Ungwe. The Neighborhood Listen. As a production of Comedy Bang Bang.

[B]

World, go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show. Ad Free, as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maxima subscribers. Your support keeps the.