Stop Sign Runner with Aristotle Athari

Summary

The Neighborhood Listen

Episode: Stop Sign Runner with Aristotle Athari

Date: November 4, 2025
Guest: Aristotle Athari as “Kern Sorenson”

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Overview

This episode of The Neighborhood Listen takes listeners on a riotous, improvisational journey through Dignity Falls’ quirks and characters, as hosts Burnt Millipede, Joan Pedestrian, and Doug dig into a heated neighborhood forum post. The main event: an encounter with a so-called “arrogant stop sign runner”—portrayed by guest Aristotle Athari—who defends his reckless driving habits and upends expectations at every turn. Through playful banter, surreal tangents, and a classic “who’s really the monster?” twist, the episode explores themes of community, neighborliness, rules, and how we perceive (and judge) one another in the microcosm of suburban life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Neighborhood Banter and Dignity Falls Lore

• Face Don’t Count & Childhood Nostalgia (02:14)
  • Joan and Burnt reminisce about odd Dignity Falls sayings, schoolyard impressions, and the mysterious meme “Face Don’t Count.”
• Plastic Surgery & Local Identity (02:27)
  • Joan discusses her almost-completed “total face change,” motivated by reality TV pressures, and the hosts riff comedically on self-image.
• Doug’s Loopy House Projects & Potemkin Village Explanation (08:52–12:28)
  • Doug describes constructing an elaborate “Potemkin Village"-like façade for the house, launching a winding conversation about Russian history, facades, and the perils of home improvement.
  • Quote (Doug, 09:48): “So I’ve built... I’m building an exterior, a facade, to make it look like every other house on the block.”
• Doug’s Dubious Fortune: The “Doug Peg” Origin Story (20:57)
  • Doug claims he invented IKEA pegs after using a baby carrot to solve a furniture problem, mailing himself the idea for copyright.

The Main Neighborhood Post: “Stop Sign Runner” (32:25)

• Reading the Post (32:49)
  • Kimberly accuses a “self-absorbed turd” of running a stop sign at high speed, describes a back-and-forth confrontation, and calls out dangerous driving as an epidemic.
• Introducing Kern Sorenson (Guest: Aristotle Athari) (33:02)
  • Kern, the accused, arrives cheerful and unapologetic. His justification: he’s “testing how fast [his] car goes,” as “normal people do.”
  • Quote (Kern, 33:23): “I was driving through the neighborhood and I just wanted to see how fast my car goes... Like normal people do.”
• Kern’s Rationalizations & Absurd Defenses
  • Claims mid-morning (11am-12pm) is the “safest” time for reckless driving, as “nobody is around.”
  • Defends violating stop signs—“If they don’t, they should.”
  • Reveals he created the “Falls Map app” to track residents’ whereabouts, supposedly ensuring his speeding never endangers anyone.
  • Quote (Kern, 48:54): “So just 11 to 12?... That’s the perfect time to drive through stop signs—no one’s around.”
  • Quote (Kern, 51:34): “If you look at that app... Take a wild guess who’s the author… It’s me.”
• Ethics Spiraling (50:15)
  • Kern’s arguments veer into philosophical territory: do “societal norms” define wrongdoing if no one gets hurt? Is it wrong to speed if it’s carefully calculated?
• Surreal Personal Details & Role Play
  • Kern evades questions about his background, softly threatens the hosts by referencing extensive knowledge of everyone’s movements, and claims he’s visited most local homes—sometimes uninvited.
  • Quote (Kern, 57:03): “I’ve been here before.”
  • Joan and Burnt try to role-play how Kern initiates conversations with potential romantic partners, leading to wonderfully awkward and darkly funny exchanges.
• Self-Justification & Nemesis Turn
  • Kern refuses to apologize, eventually turning the tables: “Kimberly is the monster… She went out of her way to make me look like a monster online.” (71:12)
  • Hosts and guest debate who is truly in the wrong—Kern for reckless driving, or Kimberly for posting about it online, possibly while driving herself.
  • Ultimately, Kern’s lack of remorse and circular logic go unmatched, ending with a stalemate (and the hosts somewhat bewildered).

Running Tangents & Neighborhood Color

• Improv Tangents: Fake Cars, Childhood Book Characters, Burglary as “Company” (35:45–59:00)
  • Doug and Joan dive into surreal car brands (Gruen two-door Schlaupen!), speculate about fairy-tale characters, and debate the semantics of burglary versus hospitality.
  • Kern hints that visiting someone’s home while they're gone is just being “company," raising unsettling (and hilarious) questions.
• Role Play and Failed Conversation Starters (60:02–65:50)
  • Joan provides an intense one-woman-show as an emotionally unavailable woman in the brownie-mix aisle, bewildering Kern and delighting Burnt.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “You can train your face to do wrong things. It’s absolutely true.” — Joan (08:30)
• “I sell the dream. I don’t sell how to live your dream.” — Kern (37:38)
• “Me using the word should is being polite.” — Kern (52:39)
• [Role-play gone wrong]
  Joan: “Are you man enough to fix me? ... If I can’t find a man to fix me, then why do you have all these boxes of brownie mix in your basket?” (64:07)
• “Is it breaking in if you’re not using it when I’m here?” — Kern, on trespassing (57:14)
• “Sailing through the stop sign—sound nice?” — Kern, redefining dangerous driving (69:04)
• “He’s a little bit matured.” — Joan, tongue-in-cheek about Kern's “growth” (72:45)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:07 – 15:50 — Opening neighborhood banter and Potemkin Village tangent
• 20:57 – 24:45 — Doug’s “Doug Peg” origin story
• 32:49 — Main post reading: “Arrogant Stop Sign Runner”
• 33:02 – 73:24 — Main guest segment with Aristotle Athari as Kern
• 48:54 — Kern’s “no one’s around” defense
• 51:34 — Revelation of the “Falls Map app”
• 57:03 — “I’ve been here before” – Kern’s unnerving familiarity
• 60:02 – 65:50 — Surreal role-play as Kern courts a potential partner
• 71:12 – 72:46 — Debate over who’s the monster, failed apologies
• 73:20 — Wishing Kern luck (with heavy irony)
• 80:00+ — Eccentric closing: Dignity Falls history, plans for “Oh, Gretel,” final neighborhood posts

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Memorable Moments

• The “Potemkin Village” Metaphor: Doug’s attempt to beautify their (absurdly expanded and patched-together) home with a fake facade, drawing tortured parallels to Russian history.
• Unexpected Sincerity: Despite the comedic escalation, the interactions poke at how we justify our own bad behavior and lambast others’, and how community friction thrives on these little moral dilemmas.
• The Twist: In the end, the hosts wonder if Kimberly was as virtuous as she claimed, since she may have been texting while driving. Self-awareness (briefly) dawns—are they the true monsters?
• Meta-podcast Humor: Frequent reminders that this is NOT a movie podcast, not to mention repeated “bonus room” jokes and light fourth-wall breaks.

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Tone and Style

• Warmly Absurd, Improv-heavy: The episode’s humor is rapid-fire, often surreal, and deeply rooted in character work.
• Playful, But Edgy: Kern’s unapologetic (and slightly menacing) worldview is played for both comedy and discomfort, while the hosts oscillate between befuddlement and exasperation.
• Community Satire: The show satirizes small-town dynamics, passive-aggressiveness, and the inherent weirdness of online neighborhood forums—all while maintaining the affectionate tone characteristic of The Neighborhood Listen.

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Concluding Thoughts

This is a classic Neighborhood Listen outing: what starts as a simple, relatable gripe about a reckless driver explodes into a wild interrogation of community norms, outsider logic, and the blurry line between civil society and quirky lawlessness. Aristotle Athari’s Kern is delightfully implacable—a neighbor you’ll hope is only fictional. In the end, as Burnt notes, “We really had him pegged all wrong.” Or did they?

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Get a savory and sweet sausage, egg.

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And cheese McGriddles plus hash browns and.

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A coffee only at McDonald's for limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delivery. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[A]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[C]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[A]

Occasionally, we change the names of some.

[C]

Streets and that's all you need to know to to support the show and unlock the Ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room. Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[A]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood.

[D]

Listen.

[C]

Knock, knock.

[A]

Who's there?

[C]

Your neighbor.

[A]

Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half app and us, Vern and Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell.

[C]

We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.

[A]

We'll chat about any post you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

[C]

Welcome once more to the Neighborhood Listen, the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents. I am one such resident. My name is Burnt Me A Payday. I am the pharmacist in chief of the Dignity fallsmassy, the state, state of the art falsemacy pharmacy here in Dignity Falls. There's only one falsemacy. I shouldn't say. It's a state of the art pharmacy that's named the Falsemacy.

[A]

Am I allowed to jump in here now? Burnt Everybody to know Listening at home. He looked me dead in the eye that entire time. He has not broken eye contact or blinked once. And you went on a journey in that intro.

[C]

You know, I never know whether, like.

[A]

There'S a lot happening.

[C]

There's always a lot happening, especially when.

[A]

You do the intro.

[C]

Indignity Falls. You know, Joan, I never know if I should look directly at you or away from you. When I look directly at you, it does seem weird, uncomfortable. But when I look away from you.

[A]

Really, I think we start. It really is strange. Something happens when we actually look at each other. So in case you just are wondering what it's like at any time.

[C]

At any time.

[A]

We very rarely make eye contact for a long time.

[C]

No. Even off mic.

[A]

Oh, absolutely. This is what I mean. 100.

[C]

I forget what your face looks like sometimes.

[A]

Well, it's a good thing I didn't get that total face change.

[C]

But I Know, but when I don't.

[A]

For those of you that don't remember, I almost, I wanted to get drastic classic surgery because of all the reality shows that were, I mean, I am.

[C]

So it's called total face change.

[A]

By the way, my name is Joan Pedestrian. I'm the top realtor here in Dignity Falls, but also a local actress because amateur actors sounded terrible saying, don't add that part because. Okay, I'm just clearing it up for everybody. They might not have been around the day that we decided that.

[C]

I know. But they don't have to be.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

If you just, you just declare that you're a local actress. You don't have to say because I.

[A]

I am a local actress. I local actress. I'm just getting a comfortable.

[C]

I'm a local actress.

[A]

I am a local actress.

[C]

I am a local actress. I am a local actress.

[A]

I actress. I just feel like the, you know, I, I, I feel like I have to explain myself and I probably should stop doing that.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

That I'm a woman.

[B]

Hear me?

[A]

I can't act my way out of that one. You know what I mean? Burns.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Anyways. And I looked right deep into his pupils and that really, he almost fell back chair. Which is hard to do because they're very high back chairs.

[C]

You did sort of lunge over the kitchen.

[A]

I did. I did definitely lunge.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I put a knee up.

[C]

Hey, everybody out there, put a knee up.

[A]

You put a knee up. It's just one of the digny false sayings that we have here. It's like tell it to the horse. Hey, put a knee up and put a knee up.

[C]

That means get right in my face and tell me something.

[A]

What I was going to say is, whatever. It doesn't matter. Everyone knows why I got the total. Wanted to get the total face change because I felt like I had to compete with the real reality show realtors. And you stopped me from doing that. And I, I appreciate that you and.

[C]

Doug both stopped me concerned that you were going to do that.

[A]

But I didn't realize that you can sometimes forget what I look like.

[C]

Yeah. Because we don't look at each other in the eye very often.

[A]

Like, what would you say is my main feature?

[C]

Burnt face.

[A]

Can't count.

[C]

Face, can't count.

[A]

Another. Another saying.

[C]

I would say you have very.

[A]

People are trying to count on their hands and their toes. In Diddy Falls. Tried to use their face.

[C]

They said the nose.

[A]

It was little kids always on the playground, they go, please don't count. And then it just became you know.

[C]

Then it became a meme like, are you old enough to remember Face don't count.

[A]

Oh my God. Can I just. Are you. Have you heard of. Do you know what 6, 7 is burnt?

[C]

You know, I have tried to ascertain what this is. I looked it up. The explanation did not.

[A]

It's not satisfactory. It's not satisfactory.

[C]

It says, here's what it's from. It's like, okay, but what does it mean when people say it?

[A]

It just might as well. It should say you're and you're stupid idiot.

[C]

You don't need to know this.

[A]

We're not going to make it easy for you to figure it out.

[C]

Go get in your grave.

[A]

That's what.

[C]

Why would you be asking. What are you going to do with the information?

[A]

You know what? If you need to ask, it's already over. It's already over.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you know what?

[C]

They're right.

[A]

It's true. They are right.

[C]

Well, am I going to incorporate into my.

[A]

But I'm not going to let you get away from answering this question. What would you say is my in my. Is my. Is my most memorable feature?

[C]

I think you have very expressive eyes.

[A]

Okay, well, that's safe answer. I'll take it.

[C]

Sorry. What's the unsafe answer?

[A]

Everything.

[C]

You have a weird mouth.

[A]

Everything else. Oh, you said it. I know I do.

[C]

Here's why. Because you're smiling. Your frown.

[A]

Oh, we're not going to get into this. So I don't want to ask you.

[C]

When you smile, your mouth goes down and when you frown, your mouth goes up. It was very confusing when I was first getting to know you.

[A]

Well, you know, I did. It's. You know, I kind of. Do you know what it was I.

[C]

Was trying this woman hates.

[A]

You know where I got this from? From? I had a second grade teacher named Mrs. Blaine and she looks like she sounds. And. And she would do that. She would. She would say good morning and give you this a straight upside down.

[C]

I wish people could have seen that.

[A]

Well, it was an upside down smile. As much as you. As you can do an upside down smile.

[C]

Absolutely.

[A]

And I. I got kind of famous for doing impressions of Mrs. Bl.

[C]

Oh, sure. I can see that.

[A]

At that time, impressions were a way of really sort of like marking your territory in grade school. You remember that? It was ab. Your impression was your currency. Absolutely.

[C]

How accurate are you in mocking these people? How accurate are you in seizing on.

[A]

If you had one thing, Gene Stapleton from On the family. Oh, you could rule the school.

[C]

No not just Edith, but the actor's name.

[A]

And you know what? No one knew what she sounded like. So I just did a regular voice, and I was like, that's what she sounds like. And no one argued.

[C]

Little kids. You would go up to, you know, your fellow little kids, say, you want to hear my Jean Stapleton impression?

[A]

And I go, waiter, could I have a salad?

[C]

What time is the table read? Are there going to be bagels?

[A]

She always knew. Don't besmirch her name.

[C]

I should. That was a poor choice.

[A]

This is a running theme. We're always going to end up doing Elizabeth McGovern from Downtown Abbey because it's just so damn fun.

[C]

And listen, if you're not doing it, you should start doing it.

[A]

Get on the bandwagon, Robert. Why aren't you doing this? Besmirch Jane Stapleton.

[C]

She should be besmirched.

[A]

She should be smirched. Hey, you know what? Those were the days.

[C]

Oh, the days. Glenn Miller played. Oh, the boy, the songs. Glenn Miller.

[A]

What if she did the whole song?

[C]

Gerald La Salle.

[A]

We had it made, didn't we? Down to Nabi. Those were the days. Anyways, I will. I don't want to talk about my mouth because. Anyways, I think because of the impression that I started doing it. It kind of, like, taught my mus. You know, thing of like, oh, if you make that face, it'll stay that way. And it really did. It stayed that way.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You can train your face to do wrong things.

[A]

You can train your face to do wrong things. It's absolutely true. Babe, we haven't gotten to you yet. My husband, Doug, he's always recording in a different room. How are you, babe?

[D]

I'm doing good. I'm in the Potemkin Village.

[A]

Potemkin Village. That's right. Could you please explain that to us?

[D]

I'm building an exterior to the home.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Because it's gotten a little out of hand with all these rooms.

[A]

Oh, do you have built so many underground rooms? I'm so tired of it. And did you say overground?

[D]

Overground.

[A]

Overground. Is that a term we use? Overground?

[D]

Above ground.

[A]

Thank you. That makes more sense.

[C]

An overground pool.

[D]

So weird that we choose to say underground and not overground, but that's just me.

[C]

Should we say beneath ground instead?

[D]

Well, we should choose one or the other. You know what I mean?

[A]

I mean, I think we have. Could you explain? Let's get back to the matter at hand.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Well, I mean, if that was your concern, Consider it taken care of.

[D]

The House appears a little bit unruly. Like almost like a fairy tale house.

[A]

Absolutely does.

[D]

You know, patched on, you know, spires and stuff like that.

[C]

Speaking of not.

[A]

I didn't ask for spires.

[C]

Speaking of not looking at things, you will go mad if you look at the exterior of this house for two months.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I've built. I'm building an exterior.

[B]

A facade.

[D]

A facade.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

To make it look like every other house on the block.

[C]

Oh.

[D]

So for people that. That pass by, you know the story of Potemkin.

[A]

See, I am not familiar, so I think some of our listeners might need a little refresher course.

[D]

Temkin Village was a. I'm sure my history is accurate here. I'm sure it was a village. And they would take like the. The Russian, I believe, king or something through the river.

[A]

This is already good.

[D]

When he would be. When he would be visit.

[A]

A lot of footnotes.

[D]

Well, now I have to start over.

[A]

Okay, babe, I'm sorry.

[C]

Do you think or whatever counts as a footnote? Like you say, the Russian king, then little asterisk or whatever.

[D]

When he'd be visiting his land.

[C]

Hubie from Halloween. Hu. Be Halloween when he would be burned. Oh, I thought you said. Huh.

[D]

His first name might have been Hubie.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

The most famous Hubies. Hubie Blake.

[A]

Hubie Stank.

[C]

Hubie Stank.

[B]

Of course.

[D]

Hubie in the bathroom.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

By the English Beat.

[A]

Okay, let's get back on track here.

[D]

When the. When the ruler would be visiting his land.

[A]

Okay, yeah, let's just go to ruler.

[D]

Let's see. Yes.

[A]

There'S been an edit.

[D]

And the ruler of the land would be showing the king. Or the emperor, whoever.

[C]

I thought he was the ruler.

[D]

I'm sorry, let's not get what his boss.

[A]

Got yourself way back in the.

[D]

Okay. You'd have subdivisions. It would be like a mayor. Like the mayor. The governor.

[A]

Yes, sure.

[D]

The viceroy.

[A]

Let's stop there.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, let's not wait in the viceroy Flight to viceroy.

[D]

Okay. When the viceroy would be taking the emperor through and touring his beautiful land, they would put up a facade that made it look like a thriving village to cover up the decay and the grime and how falling apart the village actually was. So if you're on a riverboat and you're touring and you just see these beautifully painted homes, that's all you see. And so then the ruler would be very pleased. No, not the viceroy.

[C]

Okay, guys. The emperor or the king.

[D]

Supreme ruler would be very pleased with how his land is being managed and.

[C]

Now, this was to protect the job of the viceroy.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Because if the king were to see this terrible village, he would say, well, this is your fault.

[D]

Sure.

[C]

I gave you this land to look over. And now look.

[D]

His head might be gone.

[C]

Now, here's.

[A]

I hope people are still listening.

[C]

His head might be go. It's an interesting way to put it that he would be executed. His head might be gone.

[D]

It's a polite way to put it.

[C]

Now, heretofore my experience with the name Potemkin was confined to. There's a movie called the Battleship Potemkin, which I've never seen. Okay, then there is the Potemkin Steps, which referred to the sequence in the movie the Untouchables, with the baby carriage going down the train station.

[A]

What's the name of those steps they.

[C]

Referred to that as? Because it's some reference to the Battleship Potemkin. But I do not know what the connection is because I've never seen the Battleship Potemkin.

[A]

How the hell is this word spelled? Does anyone know P O, T E.

[C]

M, K, I, N. It is.

[A]

I just thought it was a cute. A cute little story about a pumpkin.

[B]

There's Mandy Potemkin.

[C]

Who said that? Does my neighbor?

[D]

No, he's helping me out.

[A]

Oh, hey. Who are you?

[D]

Jim Skis.

[C]

Jim Skis?

[A]

Hey, Jim Skis.

[C]

Can we talk to Jim Skis for a little bit? Jim Skis. Put Jim Skis on the mic.

[D]

All right, Jim Skis. They wanna. They wanna hear from you a little bit.

[B]

Oh, hey, what's going on?

[A]

Well, you know, I'm a huge musical theater fan, so I love that you brought up Mandy Potemkin.

[C]

Of course. And I'm a huge Criminal Minds fan, so I'm also happy.

[B]

Pronounce my name correctly, please.

[A]

I'm sorry, how is it pronounced? Babe, you're the one who said it.

[D]

Jim Skis.

[B]

Right, Jim Gymnast skis.

[A]

Yeah, see, I wondered about that if it was a J, Y, M. Wait, where does the. Oh, I see. It's Polish. Gymnast. Is that correct? Maybe we don't need to do the accent. That seems like it might be slightly.

[B]

No, actually, I felt, like, very at home.

[C]

Oh, good, good.

[D]

And he. He was telling me about the. The Potemkin Village story earlier.

[A]

Yeah, you got it from.

[D]

Yeah, I got it from gymnastics.

[C]

GM skills.

[A]

Okay. That's better, babe.

[B]

All right.

[A]

And.

[D]

And genius. Yeah.

[C]

How do you and Doug know each other?

[B]

Yeah, we went to middle school together.

[C]

Is that so?

[D]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But that's it. And then we Just lost touch for like 10 years.

[A]

I see. When did you. Just now recon. You just reconnected?

[D]

No, I had to go back to middle school after high school.

[A]

Oh, I forgot to.

[D]

Just for us to believe.

[C]

That's never come up.

[A]

I can't believe it's never come up. I can't believe that I had to wait for him.

[C]

We've talked so many times about your sons having to go back to kindergarten.

[A]

In their 20s again. In their 20s. Yes, that did happen. So, you know, I guess maybe it's genetic. I don't know. When I didn't even think about that. I didn't. You might be right.

[C]

Jim Skills confirmed by Jim Skill that it is a genetic condition.

[B]

His fruit is not too far from where it came from to the top of the tree.

[A]

Oh, I see. Maybe that's saying just there's some loss of translation moments there. But yes, it is true. The fruit is not far from the tree when it comes to my.

[C]

From the top.

[A]

My twin boys. I mean, of course I'm talking about my twin boys. Matt and Cordela. Mare and Cordela. And, and yes, when I, you know, I was ready to get married to Doug, and I wasn't even gonna go to college, you know, and, and, and I, and I said, well, he said, I have to go back and do middle school. And I said, well, I'll wait for you.

[C]

Like, he's going to prison.

[A]

It was like Legends of the Fall, you know, it was like where I.

[C]

I, I, I have no recognition. I know. I've seen that movie.

[A]

Tristan. Brad Pitt. Hair.

[C]

All I remember the movie. Brad Pitt has long hair.

[A]

Let's do Burns. Three things.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

This is not a movie podcast.

[C]

We're not a movie podcast.

[A]

Brad usually gives us the three things he remembers from a movie that he just claims otherwise. He can't remember anything else.

[C]

Brad Pitt has long hair.

[A]

That's correct.

[C]

Anthony Hopkins.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Julia Ormond.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

That's it.

[A]

Very good. That's it. Nothing else.

[C]

The whole movie takes place outside in.

[A]

My memory in a way, whether It's World War I or Montana.

[C]

Was there a bear involved?

[A]

Yes. That is how Tristan dies. And it's just this kind of.

[C]

Oh, no.

[D]

Sorry.

[A]

GM Skins.

[C]

Oh, my God. I see him running out the window. He's so mad.

[D]

What did you guys say?

[C]

Doug, I'm so sorry.

[A]

I assumed it was safe to share the ending of Legends of the Fall, but I guess Jimmy Skis has not seen it.

[C]

We didn't know he was still listening.

[D]

I'm just up on this Ladder.

[C]

Cheers, guys.

[D]

He's gone. Man, he can run fast.

[C]

He was mad.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Well, okay, I. I guess we'll just have to hope he comes back, babe. But I just have one question before we move on. Is the facade. See, I pictured, like, a theater drop, like, where literally it's just a painting. A1 dimens painting, but. No, but that's so obvious. You didn't do. You're not doing, like, a little model, like, of actually, like, kind of 3D facade, like, you know, Harry Potter World at Universal Studios or something. You know what I mean?

[C]

I do know what you mean.

[D]

Well, if it's 3D, you know, how much of a D do you want on that third?

[A]

Because that's my husband asking me how much of a D I want.

[D]

That reminds me of my middle school days.

[A]

Which one?

[D]

I used to ask you that. No, because if you have a. Have you ever seen, like, the way, you know, Iron Maiden or whatever would tour in the 80s.

[A]

Babe? You're asking me. The one who just gets excited about a Manny Patinkin reference? I don't know Iron Maiden.

[D]

I tried to show you that YouTube of Iron Maiden.

[A]

I know you did. Emphasis on tried. I can't get into the heavy metal. I just can't. It's too much noise.

[D]

It was a lot of good history.

[C]

Eddie was the name of the skeleton.

[D]

Eddie? Yeah, well, he's sort of a Zombies. Zombies, yeah, mascot.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Anyway, they would. They had a sort of Potemkin Village situation for their martial amps.

[A]

Okay. But. Oh.

[C]

Which were in terrible disrepair.

[D]

But I didn't want you to see the real settings.

[A]

Otherwise the viceroy is attending the concert. Would have been upset. That's right.

[C]

I gave you this concert to govern.

[A]

Now you. What is it now? You must not have your head now.

[C]

Your head goes away.

[A]

There's got to be a faster way to say that. What's another preposition we could do?

[D]

But anyway, so, you know, if it's a. If it's too 3D, then you're just building another house.

[A]

This is just talking about just literally just the basic. You know, you don't have to build anything behind it, but it's gonna be very obvious. Right, but if we walk past our house and it's just all flat, it's gonna be so obvious. I think, babe, like, where are you gonna. Are you just gonna. Where are you gonna hang it from?

[D]

I mean, do you want it to be like one of those paintings where the angle you're at to be clear?

[A]

I don't want this. To be clear, I don't want this at all. I don't want to have to look out my windows and just see. I guess a canvas. With the sun coming in, the house.

[D]

Will finally look the way you always dreamt it would.

[C]

From the true.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Flat. You think I just wanted it to look fake?

[D]

No. If you're looking at it, I'm gonna do shading and stuff so it looks. It looks like it has depth.

[C]

Are you much of an artist?

[D]

I'm not sure what this line of questioning is coming from. I'm trying to.

[A]

This is kind of a. I'm sorry.

[D]

All I do is try to take care of my family. Put food on the table.

[A]

Oh, give me. Put food on the table. How did you put food on the table?

[C]

I don't have a job.

[A]

Exactly.

[D]

I don't need. I made a comfortable nest egg earlier.

[A]

Oh, earlier. Just like earlier this morning.

[D]

People don't know this.

[C]

People. I guess. We've never gotten into this story.

[A]

We've never gotten into. Into Doug's nest egg.

[C]

Doug made quite a tidy sum early in life and then has not had to work since.

[D]

I. You know when you're putting together, like, IKEA furniture. Ikea.

[C]

Ikea.

[D]

You know those little wooden pegs.

[C]

Yeah. Dowels. Little dowels, are they called?

[D]

See, it used to be called a Doug peg.

[A]

It used to be called a dug peg.

[D]

Yeah. I came up with the idea for that.

[C]

The idea for it.

[A]

How did you.

[C]

You said somebody should make this.

[A]

So what?

[D]

Yeah, I.

[C]

So to be. To be clear, you yourself did not fashion this tiny piece of wood, but.

[A]

It was enough to make him millions.

[D]

What I did was I. I had a little hole I needed to fill. I was constructing a thing for the house.

[C]

Right.

[D]

And I had some baby carrots I was chewing on. And I took a look at the baby carrot.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And I was like, you know what? That fit right in the hole.

[A]

Yeah. He's taking us through it step by step.

[D]

And then I copyrighted the idea because you can just send yourself the copyright in the mail.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

If you send it to yourself.

[C]

Yeah. Stands up in any court.

[D]

So I. On the little baby carrot, I wrote.

[A]

But you weren't imagining that you would actually still use a baby carrot. Right? Please, babe.

[D]

The shape and the design function of the baby carrot.

[A]

Okay. By the way, this is why several of our pieces of furniture have been held together by baby carrots for years.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And the integrity holds.

[A]

And Doug will try to use it in many ways to, like, fix things.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You Know, like he fixed my car with a baby carrot.

[D]

The baby carrot actually is better than the wooden peg because it has a slick surface, almost like a lubricant. You know, when they're sort of slippery. Yes.

[A]

You know how they're sort of slippery?

[C]

No.

[D]

Sometimes it's more viscous than that. It's a beautiful.

[A]

Okay, that's enough time we've got to provide it.

[D]

I wrote to Doug. Love Doug. On the baby carrot. Sent it to myself in the mail. It's mine. The idea is mine.

[C]

That sounds more like a copyrighted baby carrot, which I don't think you could do.

[A]

I don't think so.

[C]

You didn't put down any notation. This but wood.

[A]

Yeah. This but wood. That's what I'm looking for.

[D]

I had it stuck in a. And just like a little. Little thing of wood.

[B]

Wood.

[A]

That doesn't make any sense. We made a little thing of wood.

[D]

A little square.

[A]

Babe, it's round. What are you talking about?

[D]

The square of wood. I'm sorry. The hole is round. The hole is not wood because it's a hole. That's nothing. That's called. That's called the lack of wood, you know, and so the square of wood.

[C]

That'S called a lack of wood.

[A]

That's called the lack of wood.

[C]

That's called the lack of wood.

[A]

How hard is it to get your head around this?

[C]

There's a term for it.

[D]

Square of wood as a whole. Of a lack of wood. The baby carrot in. Can you write yourself and, you know, yourself. And it's mine and you're welcome because.

[C]

Let'S stop talking about this immediately.

[D]

Put Jaliopy through college.

[A]

A lot of good that did us. She's on a ranch in Australia now.

[C]

Is she Right? How is she doing, by the way?

[A]

She's all right. She.

[D]

One more thought from earlier. I'm sorry.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

We spent a lot of time.

[D]

I'm up on this ladder and I've given you a lot of.

[C]

Let's clear the board. What is your final thought?

[D]

My final thought? Going back to earlier.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The.

[D]

The total face change.

[A]

Oh, gee. All the way back to the beginning.

[D]

I was thinking it should be called drastic surgery instead of plastic surgery.

[A]

That was worth it, right?

[D]

B?

[C]

Yeah, I think so. I'm glad we went back.

[D]

I could mail myself that.

[A]

No, please.

[C]

Why don't you go do that right now?

[A]

Why don't you? Can you. Can you reach your phone? Did you call your friend and have him come back and see where he went?

[D]

Gym skills.

[A]

Gym skills. See if he could come back and let you off the ladder.

[D]

If I see him again, I'll wave him.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

All right. We haven't even talked about anything about we. We gave that whole section to Doug know. Hopefully he's happy about that.

[C]

I hope it satisfies him for a while. We'll never do that again.

[A]

I'm not sure how our list are going to feel.

[C]

We should take a break. We going for a little while.

[A]

I know. We're not even going to ask Doug how long we've been recording because it takes him forever. Now on. You do not.

[D]

I do.

[A]

This time when you're stuck on a ladder, this is the day. This is the episode. You have an answer immediately.

[D]

Doubting Thomas's.

[A]

Babe, you are in a strange mood.

[C]

You really are.

[A]

I'm just gonna say it.

[C]

You're very combative, Doug.

[A]

You really are. Have you eaten today?

[D]

What about. What about doubting Thomas's English muffins?

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I think in collaboration with Peeping Tom.

[A]

No, no.

[D]

This is good stuff.

[A]

No, no, no. This is not good stuff. I think you need to get off the ladder. I think you either have like altitude sickness or.

[C]

I think we've been going for about 22, 23 minutes.

[A]

This is too long.

[D]

25.

[A]

This is too much.

[C]

25.

[A]

25. We need to stop. And the ladder. Okay.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

All right.

[C]

We'll be right back with the Neighborhood Listen when the neighbor listen. And we'll have guest when the Neighborhood Listen returns. 10, 9, 8. The countdown is on. Holiday shopping season is officially here. Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high quality finds you won't see anywhere else. Don't wait. It sickens me to think of you waiting. The most meaningful gifts get scooped up fast. Don't I know it. And now's the perfect time to cross names off your list. Christmas gift buying list. I don't know what else you're into. That's your business. I'm not encouraging you to do anything like that. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or made in the U.S. many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind. Let me tell you something. I went on Uncommon Goods on their website to find something for myself because that's how I buy gifts for me. And I got this pair of socks. Do you remember the old Give a Hoot, don't pollute campaign with Woodsy the owl? And this pair of socks has Woodsy on there. Yes, it Says give a hoot, don't poloot. They look really nice. It's like also a nice shade of. It's almost like a butter. Like a light butter.

[D]

And.

[C]

And they're comfortable as hell. I just wore them for the first time the other day. Loved them. Got some compliments. Anyway, you're not here to talk about my life. Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. From moms and dads to kids and teens. All of them. From book lovers, history buffs, and die hard football fans to foodies, mixologists, and avid gardeners, you'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. Hence the name Uncommon Goods. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, your support artists and small independent businesses, many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches. So shop now before they sell out this holiday season. So don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush and then feel the rush to get 15% off your next gift. Go to UncommonGoods.com TNL that's UncommonGoods.com TNL for 15% off Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary.

[A]

Hi, this is Mary Lou. I have disposable vinyl gloves. I have four boxes of them for $20. Grease Monkey Pro Cleaning Latex Free powdered, loose fit. Don't ask me why I have so many of these vinyl gloves, okay? I was in need of them and now I'm immediately not in need of them. Something came up. Plans did not go as planned, the way plans are supposed to go. I need to get rid of these. I need to get rid of them now. I need to get rid of them immediately. I have taken pictures of them of all different angles that are completely unnecessary because it's just vinyl gloves. Please come get them.

[C]

And welcome back to the neighborhood.

[A]

Listen, this is a. Something's in the air today, Burns. Something is going on with this episode. I don't know. I can feel it coming. You couldn't help yourself, could you?

[C]

Had to do it.

[A]

You couldn't. Have you seen that fun video where the goat climbs up and over the roof to the exact rhythm of that song?

[C]

I have seen so many versions.

[A]

Isn't it strange that there are so many?

[C]

There's so many.

[A]

Are they real? That's what I wonder about.

[C]

I think they are.

[A]

Okay. I mean, I don't know it's real anymore. These days, you know, I can't trust anything. And it's the worst with Doug because he believes all of them. He's like, hey, look at this whale you know, that swallows an entire boat and all the people. And someone filmed it. And I'm like, that's AI.

[D]

They're scraping the barnacles off of it.

[A]

No, they're not. That one's not real, babe.

[C]

And look at this cat wearing clothes. And then he goes to the gym and his wife cucks him.

[D]

That has a happier ending than me.

[C]

It does have a happier ending.

[A]

All right, let's get to our poster because this is a long one.

[C]

Yes. As we do every week, we scour the neighborhap, the social networking application for neighborhoods. We look for interesting people in dignity falls to talk to. And if you see one that perhaps we missed, why don't you screenshot it and send it to [e-mail] and I think this one comes from a listener. Let me just double check and make sure.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And we appreciate that. Again, we do not have fans, but we do have listeners.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

No, I think this is one we found ourselves. There's no attribution to it.

[A]

Bert is letting me read it. He never lets me read it.

[C]

That's not true, John.

[A]

I don't read these out loud.

[C]

No, that's not true.

[A]

Burnt. She got so upset. He stood about his chair to yell that.

[C]

Sorry, I didn't mean to make your head go away.

[A]

Oh, the famous thing that the queen of hearts would say. Okay, so here we go. This is from Kimberly. And Kimberly says it's under crime and safety. Kimberly says, arrogant stop sign runner. Just now I had an encounter with an arrogant little self absorbed turd of a stop sign runner. Interesting that the designation is that this person is a stop sign runner. Like it's this person's job. White male wearing sunglasses and a backwards baseball cap, parentheses, I know. I know. And you know what Kimber Jonah saying? I know, Kimberly. Yes, I know. Boy, do I know. In a black, newer model 2 door compact car, he just sailed through the stop sign at Monroe and Pine, making a left onto Pine without even slowing down. And I yelled, stop sign. I almost accidentally yelled, stop sign. Obviously, he wasn't really in that much of a hurry because he had time to stop and said, said, did you say something to me? I said, you just sailed right through that stop sign without ever slowing down. To which he replied, everybody does it. You know, you do it too. I said, I absolutely do not. That's how people get killed. Then he told me to mind my own business. I told him, I live in this neighborhood, so it is my damn business. It's all of our business. This behavior is epidemic in this neighborhood. Neighborhood. And. And here to maybe, I suppose, tell his side of the story. We don't have Kimberly. We have the stop sign runner. The, as Kimberly says, self absorbed turd of a stop sign.

[C]

I don't know if I would have included that person.

[B]

I'm okay with it. Oh, dear.

[A]

Please welcome Kern Sorenson. Am I saying that correctly?

[B]

Kern.

[D]

Kern.

[C]

Kern.

[B]

Kern. Kern. Say again? Close.

[A]

Okay, enough. Close enough?

[B]

I think so, yes.

[A]

Okay, great.

[C]

And last name?

[A]

Sorenson.

[B]

Sorenson.

[A]

Now that took a turn. That changed.

[B]

No, always this way.

[A]

Oh, okay, great. All right. I will take your word for it. So, Curran.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

First of all, thank you for coming here. We do appreciate it when someone comes on to maybe perhaps give their perspective or. Or maybe maybe Kimberly was wrong. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. Yes.

[C]

We believe there's two sides to every story. And you know, just because somebody writes it on the neighborhood doesn't mean necessarily the way it happened.

[A]

Right. So can you tell us from your memory what happened on that day?

[B]

I was driving through the neighborhood and I just wanted to see if. How fast my car goes and.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Like normal people do.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Have you ever done that?

[A]

Just drive it just to see how fast it goes? I can't say that I have. Have you burned.

[D]

It's not.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. I mean. I mean I used to drive the nitro burning funny car.

[A]

That is true.

[C]

And I was very aware of how fast it could go.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

But I would not open her up on the street.

[A]

Right, right. Especially in. In a residential area, which. This is the best place, Monroe.

[B]

The best place to do it.

[C]

Now why is that?

[A]

Yeah, why?

[B]

Because there's. You're usually the only car in that area. Oh, yes. Most of time. Most of time you're usually only car.

[C]

There in a residential area.

[A]

What day was this? Day was this.

[B]

When everyone is at work.

[A]

When everyone is at work. And what do you do for work current?

[B]

I sell cars.

[C]

Oh. Oh, okay. All right.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And what kind of do you sell? Specialty cars or just a regular old car dealership?

[B]

Mostly Euro, mostly Europe.

[A]

European cars.

[B]

Anything blonde really.

[C]

So like a Citron.

[B]

Citron. Or maybe like. Definitely not. Huh. Something is wrong with your friend. Somebody get him tissue.

[A]

What are you trying to say? Burnt Like. Like the actor.

[C]

R E N A A U L T. Ari.

[A]

Oh, there you go. I think that's right. I think he had it right.

[C]

What did you think I meant?

[A]

What's that guy's name? The French actor? No, thank you.

[C]

Ah, Leon.

[A]

I thought you were saying. I know I thought you were saying that just for fun. I thought you were saying it for fun.

[C]

Ford Cortina.

[D]

You saw those little nose cars, I call them, that look like little noses driving around. They look like a nose. You know, those funny little cars they drive.

[A]

I don't know what you're talking about, honey.

[C]

Is this from the Busy World of Richard Scar?

[A]

Yeah, I think that's exactly what you're thinking of.

[D]

No, there's like this. I know there's not a worm in it. Looks just like a nose. And you drive around, you keep saying.

[C]

It, but it's not getting any clearer.

[A]

If you think you're describing it differently the third time you one knows.

[D]

What else?

[C]

Nothing.

[D]

Except these cards.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

K. Do you know what he's talking about?

[B]

Have you figured it out yet or.

[A]

No, I don't. I. I think we shouldn't get lost in the weeds.

[B]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

[A]

So can I ask you what time of day this was? Okay. That's right. You said. You said it was during.

[C]

I. I'm assuming when everyone's at work.

[A]

When everyone's at work. So that could be anywhere between nine and five, but. Okay.

[B]

I'm going to remove this hair.

[A]

Oh, sorry, that's.

[B]

It could be mine.

[C]

No, it's look like an eyelash. It's yours.

[A]

It's mine. I have very long eyelashes.

[C]

Yes. Constantly falling out.

[A]

Very. And they are falling out all the time.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And yes. It has to do with my age. Let's not get into it.

[B]

Sorry, what is your question again?

[A]

Okay, so. So I just actually want you to talk in your own words. Tell us what happened that day. You are driving, you're trying to see how fast the car can go. Then what?

[C]

Go?

[B]

Yeah, I was driving. I wanted to see how fast my car goes, which is normal for me. And then I was coming to this area where there is a street and then the other street is this.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

Intersection.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And doesn't seem pleased with that explanation.

[B]

It's just a place where the car. Like that.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And you know, I was driving and the lady said to me, hey. I couldn't understand what she was saying to me.

[A]

Oh, what did it sound like you just did? Gibberish.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, great. Thought about it.

[B]

And I said, what do you. What do you mean what did I say? Do you remember this?

[A]

Oh, yes. Let's just find it again. Burnt. Remind. Remind him of what he said.

[C]

You said, are you.

[B]

Like I said, are you. Are you talking to me to. In my area? And she said, yes. And I said, what do you mean, what is wrong with what I'm. She said, dear. Why are you driving past the.

[C]

Stop sign?

[B]

Stop.

[A]

Stop sign.

[B]

So what?

[C]

So you sell cars, but you're not. You're not clear on what stop signs are or intersection.

[B]

I sell the dream. I don't. I don't sell how to live your dream.

[C]

Oh, I.

[B]

So do you?

[A]

Or the rules surrounding the dream? I guess.

[D]

Fair.

[C]

I guess.

[A]

How long have you lived at Dignity Falls?

[B]

This would be my 24th year.

[A]

Really? Now, I found that. I found that surprising. Burnt. Did you? Because I thought he was gonna say.

[C]

Maybe a couple hours.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Yeah. I was very surprised.

[A]

You have an interesting name. That doesn't sound like a name I normally hear in Dignity Falls and an accent that I normally don't hear. And I just wondered, did you move here from someplace else? Or where is your. Or your culture originally from? You know?

[B]

Do you know, I don't think it's very safe for me to say in this political environment right now, to be honest. I'm gonna stick it to myself. But let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, you know. You know.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, are you Scandinavian? I mean, isn't that okay to talk about this?

[B]

Well, what do I look like?

[A]

Well, to be honest, you look like. I had this book. I had this book about this. This amazing Swedish fairy tale, and it was about this. Who would steal your dreams if they weren't interesting enough?

[B]

Was it Bruegenhauman?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Wait.

[A]

You look like the drawing of Bruggenham. And in my book.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was a Swedish book, so that's why I, you know, I have some Swedish relatives and this book would haunt me at night.

[D]

Can I. Can I.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I'm not familiar with the story.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

He would steal them if they weren't interesting enough.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Who cares then?

[A]

Well, I do.

[C]

If you're having boring dreams and somebody.

[A]

Takes them away, the child doesn't think the dream is boring. Boring. The child doesn't think they're dream. And he would replace them with things that he. With horrible images, you know.

[C]

That's not good.

[A]

Yes. Well, yes. I didn't describe it completely to its. To its fruition.

[D]

Sounds like Freddy Krueger.

[A]

It's the. It's sort of the. It's sort of the opposite.

[C]

Freddy Krueger stolen.

[A]

You never died. The kids. Kids never died. If, if, you know, they ran into Broom and Honger. Like, you know, if they continue to.

[B]

Have those dreams, they would die from boredom. So that's the idea is you take These ridiculous board, you know, stupid dreams. And you. And you. Hopefully you inspire them to have very.

[C]

So he's doing a service.

[B]

Of course. Bruegenheim is trying to make your dreams more fantastic.

[A]

Yes. And I will say that the. The main boy in the story does end up. I mean that. I guess that is the lesson. Because he ends up having a dream about an amazing car. Oh, that's interesting.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Another weird. Wait. What?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Oh, wait a minute. Are you. This is a fairy tale. Are you saying you're that boy? Because the boy burnt. The boy goes on to design. He has a dream about this amazing car, designs it and it's. It's a. It's. It's how they got the Volvo.

[C]

Doug.

[D]

Sorry.

[A]

It's not a nose car.

[C]

I really. We have.

[A]

You know what?

[D]

Smart car. That's what it is.

[C]

Smart car.

[A]

I knew the smart cars. Yeah, Smart cars.

[D]

It's like they look like a nose.

[B]

You're not wrong.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Now I have to look up smart cars.

[C]

You really don't. Why don't we table that for now?

[A]

Fine. Okay.

[B]

Let me see.

[A]

All right.

[B]

It looks like a tiny nose. Yes.

[C]

Doug has sent us all photo.

[B]

A smart car right here.

[C]

I get what you.

[A]

I don't know how he got. I don't know how he.

[C]

I get what you're saying.

[A]

So wait, are you saying you're actually that boy? That doesn't make any sense. I thought this story was hundreds and hundreds of years old.

[B]

No, I'm not saying I'm the actual boy. Give me a break. Come on.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Brugenhammer is still active.

[A]

No, no, the. The boy. The.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I think that he was claiming to be the boy who goes on to invent the Vol.

[C]

I know what you were saying.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So wow. You know what? You didn't have any trouble. Trouble looking me in the eye at that point just now? Woof.

[C]

I'm saying if he's not the boy, then that means that. Is it Brugenheimer?

[A]

No, but Brugenhauber is the name of the. Of the sort of the character that steals the dream. The boy's different. The boy's not named Brugenheimer. Joan, why are you talking to me?

[D]

This is a weird day.

[A]

The way that people talk to women when they say, you're kind of getting out of control, and then it just escalates the situation. I'm feeling very surrounded right now. I'm feeling very surrounded right now.

[B]

Can I ask you questions?

[C]

Yes, please.

[B]

Okay. Can we Turn. Can we turn table? Can we turn table a little bit? So, for example, you know, like, when you're working, you work at pharmacy.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. So do. Is there ever time where people bring you, what, you know, maybe two prescriptions for the same, you know, narcotic drug and you know that they're trying to double dip?

[C]

Yes, that has happened.

[B]

And how often. What do you do when in that situation when they're denying that they're doing that?

[C]

I say, well, you've given me two right here.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

So obviously this is what you're doing.

[B]

And when they say, I'm sorry, I think you're a mistake, I say, what's my mistake?

[C]

You've handed me two prescriptions for the same medication.

[B]

Fair. Okay, let me ask you a question.

[A]

Oh, no. It seems like you did really well. I don't know how I'm gonna do.

[C]

Burnt. Wow.

[D]

I'm impressed.

[A]

I was watching this. I was biting my nails. I didn't know what you were gonna do. I thought he had you.

[C]

I was honestly anxious. I was like, it can't be this simple of a question.

[A]

Watching one of those videos where Gen Z people debate each other.

[B]

Similar.

[C]

Jubilee. Jubilee.

[B]

Am I in the center of this one?

[A]

What? No.

[D]

Now. Go now, Deja.

[B]

No, babe, I don't want to do it.

[A]

I was hoping we were gonn move on from it.

[B]

Have you ever been in a situation where you having to show a house and then maybe at the same time you have a very, very important audition you have to do where you have to dig deep and maybe talk about something that was very personal and maybe, you know, traumatic for you?

[A]

I almost forgotten the question because it went on so long.

[C]

Have you ever been showing a house but then at the same time you have an audition where you have to get very emotional?

[A]

Yes, there was a little more to that. There's a little more. It kept going.

[B]

And you specifically said, oh, my gosh, you wanted to go in for the audition in person. They said we were going to do Zoom. And it's like the same time as your open house.

[A]

Well, no, because Dignity Falls players does not even have the technology for Zoom, so they. They never even would leave let that happen.

[C]

But they barely have auditions.

[A]

They barely have auditions.

[C]

It's almost like select.

[A]

To be honest, I'm offer only, so I can't answer this question because, you know, I pick and choose what I want to do there. So no, I guess would be my answer to your question.

[B]

What was the last thing you were.

[A]

Offered that you said, okay, well, I Did we? I did an all male version of Steel Magnolias, and I played the one male part, which is the character played by Tom Skerritt in the movie. I played the husband.

[C]

Are you sure it was him?

[A]

Absolutely positive.

[B]

Is that what these pictures are from?

[A]

Yes. So as you can see, I insisted on having a beard, and I did a lot of training because I wanted to look. Well, you know, I wanted to look like the tough guy and the only masculine presence in sort of the show. And because the men were, you know, they were also leaning. Leaning into the characters. They were playing women. It was just gender reversal, you know.

[C]

And so it was all male, but they were playing.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And in this version, how was the word steel spelled?

[A]

Oh, that's so interesting. It was S, T, E, L, E, Y. I know, but it wasn't. No, but it wasn't. That's not. That's not how it was.

[C]

Why was it spelled that way?

[A]

Because they were trying to make a. Like, they were trying to make a commentary on Steely Dan and how. Like, that was about dildo.

[C]

But that's not how you spell. They didn't include the two E's.

[A]

Do S, T, E, E L E, L, O, E, Y.

[C]

Said S, T, E, L, E, Y. I didn't write.

[A]

Listen, I. I wasn't the one who commissioned the play.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

And the original.

[A]

I didn't write it. Don't come at me.

[B]

And the original was spelled which way?

[A]

S, T, E, E, L. Just steal magnolias, Right? Like, the idea being that, you know, these women from the south who are as genteel as a magnolia flower, as strong as steel.

[B]

Steal it. Yeah.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[C]

I feel like this is leading to some sort of gotcha. Is that why you're asking this?

[B]

No, I just had this idea of making it into a heist movie, and it's like Steel Magnolia. It's changing the spelling of maybe Steel. Doing a different version. That's all.

[A]

That would be a good idea.

[C]

Kind of like a very valuable flower.

[A]

Like at Ocean's Eleven, but in the South.

[C]

And then you say that it's a different word. It's not. I'm not. It's not copyright infringement.

[A]

No, not at all. It's fine.

[D]

And a tribute band named Steel Dan.

[C]

And a tribute band named Steel Dad.

[A]

Well, now we've really gotten so far, far, far away. Okay, so you're running through.

[B]

Well, what do you want to know? Okay, I made the mistake. I would. I. I crossed the stop sign. I don't. I. I say mistake. Here because I, I don't want to get in trouble, but I don't care.

[A]

I get the sense from proposed that you didn't care. So I was thinking you were coming on to explain a misunderstanding, but it sounds like she understood you perfectly. Is that right?

[B]

Yes. And when was this post made?

[A]

Oh, I don't remember. What was it? What does it say?

[C]

Yesterday.

[B]

Yesterday. And I did it again today.

[A]

That's what I was wondering.

[B]

No lessons learned, no regrets.

[A]

No lessons learned.

[C]

Now your position, Kieran, is that, Kieran Kjorn, is that everyone does this. And you truly believe that everyone just sails through these stop signs?

[B]

If they don't, they should.

[C]

They should. Come on.

[B]

They're not going. It's a neighborhood.

[A]

But you are going super fast. You're testing out how fast your car can go.

[B]

This is correct.

[A]

Okay, well, I guess I'm wondering now why it is you wanted to come on the podcast. Because usually people come on because they want to sort of counter clear up the misunderstanding. But you're just saying no, but, but.

[B]

Aren'T you tired of that? People just trying to like, you know, make right?

[A]

I mean, I'm not. Because most of the time people come on and they're such a mess. We can barely help them anyways. It would be a delight and a refreshing a of pace if someone came on and had a clear perspective that made sense. And, and we could help them. And we could help them spread the word. But it doesn't sound like you are going to change. It doesn't sound like you're regretful. This. What if what A child was crossing the street, you might have hit them there.

[C]

You. Oh, Karen, she's got you there about a child.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, most of the people here, I mean, how many kids are in this area? Not a lot.

[A]

You mean my area. Well, in that area, I know there's a lot of young families because they all have the little green man outside that, you know, says slow.

[B]

It's about timing.

[A]

Did you see any of the green men?

[B]

No, I didn't see. I was going too fast.

[C]

They call that area town Little Ireland because there's so many families with small people, tons of kids.

[A]

No, it's not. Yes.

[B]

I mean, look, I, I, I time it just right where everybody's either at school or they're at work or they're shopping for groceries. So when I'm going through the neighborhood, it's not really.

[C]

Hold on a second. So you're, you're mapping out all these different timelines of what people are Doing with their dates. You've narrowed it down to. This is the perfect time to drive through stop signs because so many people are occupied doing these various things, hardly anyone's around.

[A]

Please enlighten us. What are the few times specifically in the day where that's happening and there's no one on the street, Specifically.

[B]

If you go from 11.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

To 12.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. And that's it.

[C]

So just 11 to 12?

[A]

Just 11 to 12? Pretty much. I thought there were going to be, like, a bunch.

[C]

I thought so, too.

[B]

So what time did she make that post?

[A]

Oh, I can't remember, Bert. When was it? I'm not even sure we have the time on there. But how do we know?

[C]

Because 1159.

[B]

See? Oh, whoa.

[C]

So just under the wire.

[A]

Well, listen, it could have happened earlier, and then she got home, and then she posted.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah, but.

[C]

No, but she was.

[D]

She was.

[B]

She was typing it as I was there. So she was.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Saw that it was in real time at that moment.

[C]

Okay, so you saw, like, in the rearview mirror, you saw her pull out her phone.

[B]

She was. Well, she was dictating while she was, like, yelling.

[A]

And so then, Karen, wouldn't this fly in the face of your theory and your research?

[C]

Sorry. While she is reprimanding.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

She's also then doing little sides.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Dictating this.

[D]

She.

[B]

Yeah. She's trying to be very efficient, and I understand. Yes.

[D]

Right.

[A]

So. But again, this goes against what you're saying, which is there is no one on the streets between 11 and 12. She was. Kimberly was there.

[C]

That's so true, Joan. And what a great catch.

[B]

Let me. Let me ask you a question. If you're supposed to be somewhere, for example, if they say to you, hey, look, don't. Don't be in this area at a particular time, and somebody is there who's in trouble. Trouble. The person who's there or the. The. The rules.

[A]

Again, I got lost in the moment.

[C]

But who is.

[B]

She's the one that was wrong for being there at the time. She wasn't supposed to.

[C]

But no one said you're not supposed to be there. You. This is going by your rules.

[A]

That's what confused me, Bert. Yeah. There's no. There has been no. There was no sign. There was no declaration made. There was no memo that went out. You know, this is in your head. You're just assuming everyone knows your skin schedule.

[B]

Not my schedule. It's everybody's schedule. It's not information that's not privy to everybody else. I mean, at this Point. You say something, and your phone is listening, and then you look at it and. And then it tells you.

[A]

You know, Hang on. Are you tracking all of these people? Are you tracking citizens to see where they are? Because how are you figuring this all out?

[B]

So, you know, you. For example, you. You say that, you know, I have. You've never heard of me. I've never been here for, whatever, 24 years, but.

[A]

Well, I mean, I. I didn't say that. I just said it sounded like you might be from out of town.

[B]

We have a local application you could use on your phone, correct?

[A]

Yes. The neighborhap.

[B]

Yeah, sort of. But there's a. There's a sister app that everybody also uses. It's like instead of Google Maps, we're using this.

[A]

What is. Oh, you're asking me.

[B]

You. I'm telling you, Remember that. It's. It's called the Falls map app.

[C]

Oh, the false map app.

[A]

I just didn't. You know.

[C]

You know what? I forgot that was the name, because most people just call it where is Everybody?

[B]

Sure. And if you look at that app, take a wild guess is who's the author of that application?

[A]

Is it you?

[B]

It's me.

[C]

Okay, but that still doesn't put you in an official capacity to tell people they shouldn't be around at a certain time.

[B]

No, but it puts me in a situation to know when you're supposed. When you are in that area and when you're not. So based on. Based on societal norms, if everybody is Do. If everybody's either at school or work or shopping for groceries, then maybe you shouldn't be there.

[C]

But, Karen. Yes. You did say should be and shouldn't be. That is not.

[B]

I'll say. They will not be.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

How about that?

[A]

Oh, no. He slammed his hand on the table. That was scary.

[C]

I think he's about to take his shoe off.

[A]

I think so, too. They will not be there when they're not supposed to be there. No.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Wow. We have never had a guest behave like this.

[A]

This is absolutely shocking. And you're right. Burn. It's the word should that is troubling.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you know, this is a free society. Everyone's allowed to come.

[B]

I'm being polite. Yes.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, but that was polite.

[A]

I'd hate to see rude.

[B]

Me using. Me using the word should is being polite.

[A]

Well, then that's still concerning. Wow.

[C]

What. So what. What would be the impolite word?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I don't know. These. These are. These are brain games. I don't. I care. I Care not for.

[C]

We're not game, Karen. We're not playing games.

[A]

These are playing brain games.

[B]

These are brain games. I care not for. I don't.

[A]

You said that. You said that. Okay, so first of all, we're getting all this new information. You do this app.

[D]

It's a great app.

[B]

You use it.

[C]

It's a great app.

[B]

Everybody uses it.

[C]

Credit where credit is.

[A]

Find your friend. Use it to see where he is.

[D]

Jim Skis. Use him to find a good idea.

[A]

So we can get you off the ladder.

[D]

That app is nice, though, because. Because it says, hey, no one's around.

[B]

No one's around.

[D]

Yeah, gun it.

[A]

You added that then obviously I didn't know it had that feature. Hey, no one's around. You can gun it.

[B]

Doug knows this feature, and Doug uses it. You know how I know? Oh, because I'm the master of the app.

[A]

Master of the app.

[D]

I thought there'd be some privacy with that.

[B]

Is there ever privacy with these things? It's a fantasy. There's no privacy.

[A]

Abe, what is going on with you? You out of your mind?

[C]

Privacy to shame.

[B]

It's almost like you went to middle school twice or something.

[A]

Oh, well, you'd be surprised. You're closer than you think. Okay, so here. Here's what. Here's. Here's what upsets me about it. Is that okay? Sure, fine. Great. You're clearly a genius. You. You invented an app. Good for you. But just because you invented cars. Yes, yes. And you sell car. Where do you sell cars, by the way? A dealership? Or do you have your own? Like, how are you. You selling them?

[B]

I put listings online and people find them and they say, I would, you know, it's like Craigslist, but, you know. But mine.

[A]

Craigslist. But yours list.

[B]

It's like CR list, you know, Can I. Can I use that?

[A]

Oh, well, yeah. What. What is your website? As of now?

[B]

It's on the dark web right now. But if you.

[A]

If you. We have Dark Facebook in Dignity falls as well. Are you on Dark Facebook as well?

[C]

Marketplace.

[A]

And Dark Facebook Marketplace. We also have Craig's Demand, which is where you just have to give face.

[C]

If you look at it. Craig demand, and then you have to do it. They're all reasonable demands. But it is.

[A]

It's inconvenient and he really follows up and he's very.

[C]

And it's the honor system. Now, let me ask you this, Karen. Speaking of cars, the poster, Kimberly, identifies your car as a black, newer model, two door compact car.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

What? Would you mind telling Us. What type of car you drive or you were driving at the time.

[B]

That was a Gruen two door Schlaupen and was something funny.

[A]

Well. Oh, no, babe.

[C]

Doug, you're.

[A]

Don't. Please stop.

[C]

We don't want to stop.

[A]

You'll have to forgive my husband. He'll. He'll laugh at the silliest things. It doesn't take much to get him going.

[C]

Doug, you really got to control.

[D]

Just say far googan.

[A]

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

[B]

I will show you a picture of this car, Doug, and you tell me what it looks like. Ready?

[A]

He's sending it to you. Did you get it? Is it a funny looking car?

[C]

I guess it is. Doug, what does the car look like? Can you see which part of the.

[A]

Body does this car look like?

[B]

Don't you dare say nose.

[A]

Is it a smart car, babe?

[D]

Looks like an ear.

[B]

That.

[A]

I'll take an ear.

[B]

Well, if you look at it, the schlooping part. Yeah.

[A]

Slooping part.

[C]

Does look like an ear. It looks like you're sitting. The driver's sitting in the car in the canal.

[B]

And. And it's. It is designed to move the air around quite aerodynamic. It's aerodynamic.

[A]

Okay. It's aerodynamic. I'm sorry. I just thought that would be fun.

[C]

I accept your apology.

[D]

Babe, be serious.

[A]

Oh, don't you even dare adjust. Get down off that ladder.

[C]

No, I think Doug has fallen off the ladder.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Oh, no. I hope he.

[A]

Okay, we're not gonna go check on him.

[C]

Just to be clear, we're in the middle of nowhere.

[A]

I don't want to leave this man in my house. I'm terrified of what's gonna happen. We have to stay here.

[B]

I've been.

[A]

If you can hear me, babe, we'll come out in a second.

[B]

I've been here before.

[C]

What? Wow. What does that mean?

[A]

That mean. Oh, I. I told you. Something is so weird today about this episode.

[B]

I've been to most houses here. Yes.

[A]

Okay. What? What are you breaking into people's homes?

[B]

Is it breaking in if you're not using it when I'm here?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yes, absolutely. Yes, unquestionably. I think maybe he thinks sort of the accent and saying asking questions like that, you know, sort of like gets you out of it, but it actually doesn't.

[C]

No, it doesn't.

[B]

It just puts you deeper in it.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. I think so.

[C]

I think you're looking at it like the difference between a burglary and a robbery and a.

[B]

A visit.

[A]

Well, trespassing.

[C]

Well, it's because you can't.

[A]

Trespass isn't because you don't. Just cause you don't take anything doesn't mean you're not, you know, breaking in it. Entering.

[C]

It's a robbery. Is when other people are present. You're robbing someone. A burglary is when you're not there, right? Yes. Either way, it's a crime.

[B]

It's called company.

[C]

I don't just.

[B]

I'm not taking anything. I'm just looking.

[A]

What do you mean?

[C]

Come?

[A]

Like we had company while we were gone? Is that what you're saying? You're the company? Because you said this is when people aren't there?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you're. I don't think you can be called company if no one else is witnessing your presence.

[C]

No, I think you have to be invited in.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

To be company.

[A]

Yeah. Like a vampire.

[B]

Okay, come on, everybody. Vampire rules because my name has a little thing over my. The A.

[A]

That's right. An umlaut. It's weird that he didn't know the word for that.

[C]

Like, if you're writing your own name, you say, oh, and then the little thing. My name is BN and then we make the cross.

[A]

I have more. I have more questions than I've received.

[B]

Please.

[A]

No, I mean, I. I don't know where to start. I, I. Do you live alone? Do you have any family here? Do you have a partner?

[B]

I currently do live alone, yes.

[A]

Okay. Were you. Did you used to live with somebody recently?

[B]

I. Before. Before then I was also alone. I plan on maybe not being so much.

[A]

You used to that timeline.

[C]

You currently live alone? Before that you also lived alone?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And the plan is to maybe not be that.

[C]

Oh, to not be that.

[A]

Maybe not be alone?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

So you're on the market.

[B]

What do you mean by that?

[C]

Well, are you looking for. Are you looking for a relationship?

[B]

Am I looking to be with somebody in my presence?

[C]

Let's say that.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I entertain the ideas.

[A]

Okay. What are you doing about that? What steps are you taking?

[C]

And be as elusive as possible.

[B]

Yes. I'm talking to people. I'm driving in the area. I am coming to, like, places like where the shopping goes and I say.

[A]

Hello, let's stop at where the shopping goes and let's go back to. I talk to people. What does that look like?

[B]

Like this.

[A]

So I know, but where are you finding the people? You going up to someone in a bar, starting to talk to them? Is that. That what you mean?

[C]

You go where the shopping goes? So how do you approach someone? Someone. What do you say?

[B]

I say. Well, let's. Let's play.

[A]

Oh, you're going to have to. He wants to role play it.

[C]

I'll be the person.

[A]

Okay, you be the person. Burnt.

[C]

Let's play the roles. Is that what you're going to say?

[B]

All right, let's play the roles of your person.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

No, it's just a staring contest right now. I don't know.

[B]

Clearly I'm a very high value person. If you can't say something to me first, then maybe I move on to the next.

[C]

Now, okay, is this you saying this to me or is this hypothetical? You say it to the hypothetical person?

[B]

I would.

[A]

The second, I think.

[B]

Second. Yes.

[C]

Okay. And then I guess I would be. I would be somewhat intrigued if someone said.

[A]

Okay, then what would you say? Go ahead, Bert.

[B]

I would say, excuse me, are you educated?

[C]

Yes, I've. I am educated. I've. I've been to. I'm a college graduate.

[B]

Where and what do you do for a living?

[C]

I am a. A chef.

[B]

But I know this to be a lie because you are. You are working in pharmacy. Do you see what I mean?

[A]

You forgot that Burt was playing someone else. Not a pharmacist.

[C]

We were playing the roles.

[A]

Just said he was a chef.

[B]

Just because you play roles doesn't mean you're not playing your role.

[C]

I mean, I guess we all play a role in a certain sense.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Okay, so let's. Let's start again.

[B]

All right.

[C]

This time I know what to do.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Do you know what to do, Karin? I want to make sure you know what to do.

[B]

I'm about to do it.

[A]

Okay. All right, do it then.

[C]

So here I am at the place where shopping goes.

[A]

The place where shopping goes.

[B]

Do you go to this place to do a lot shop?

[C]

Yes, probably on a weekly basis. I probably do shopping here.

[B]

And are you shopping for yourself or are you shopping for the other people in your area?

[C]

A bit of both. I. I live with my girlfriend, although she is in hiding.

[B]

And then we finish now burnt.

[A]

You were just being yourself just then?

[C]

Yes. I thought that we were resetting and I was playing the role of myself.

[B]

And in that situation I would never say nothing beyond the first thing I told him to begin.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Are you not following this?

[A]

I guess I'm not. I guess I'm not. I'm so confused.

[B]

In this scenario, let's play. You play a person that is maybe not in the real.

[C]

Okay. That's right.

[A]

And not in.

[C]

That's what I was trying to do before. Okay. Hello.

[B]

I'm already very unattracted to your voice. All I said was hello, and I say goodbye. What?

[C]

I'm just shopping here. Do you shop here as well? He's just staring at me.

[A]

I think you stumped him. Honestly, I really do.

[B]

Nobody stumps me.

[A]

Oh, no. Nobody stumps me.

[E]

Please don't.

[C]

No, he's raising the sho.

[A]

No, no, he's raising his shoe.

[C]

Okay, okay, okay, look, I think that.

[A]

Okay, I think taking. I think. I think that voice was really bothering him. I think that was a smart choice. Burn. Let's not do that voice again.

[B]

But. But you. You like me.

[A]

Are we still doing the scene?

[C]

Yes, this. We're playing the role still.

[A]

I mean, I'm deeply offended that, you know, as the local actress, I wasn't asked to play any of the parts of the boy, but whatever. No, it's fine.

[C]

Good point.

[A]

It's fine.

[C]

It's a good point. But maybe he thought you would be too formidable an opponent.

[A]

I don't think that. I'm not sure that's the case.

[C]

Well, would you like to play the roles with Joan?

[B]

Let's role play. Let's play roles.

[A]

Now he's it.

[B]

The other way.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm adapting. You know, I'm over time anyways. Oh, hello.

[A]

Sorry, I didn't see you there.

[B]

I was directly in front of you. How did you not see me?

[A]

No, because sometimes you can't see through trauma.

[B]

So. What. What? And. And this happened to you earlier today?

[A]

No, I wish. Talk about earlier. A decade ago. It's all right. I know what you're thinking. Oh, she's broken. Oh, I can fix her. Well, you can't. Okay? You can't. But I wish you would. I wish you would. And I just want to know, are you man enough to do that? Are you man enough to fix. Fix me?

[B]

Keep going.

[C]

Wow. Joan, this is incredible. I know.

[A]

Thank you. You're gonna get me out of character. Are you man enough to fix me? Well, I hope you are, because I just decided this is my last night on this earth. If I can't. If I can't find a man to.

[B]

Fix me, then why do you have all these boxes of brownies mix in your. Oh, in your basket?

[A]

Because it's gonna be my final meal. How dare you.

[B]

Five boxes of brownie mix.

[A]

Yes. Yes. And you can judge all you want, but do you know what this five boxes of brownie mix represents? The five years of my life that my father and mother declined to make me. Brownies every single night that I asked for them. They said. No, they said. Said big girls don't get brownies.

[C]

Pardon me? I'm just trying to get the butterscotch chips.

[A]

Get away from me, you monster.

[C]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

[A]

What are you, some kind of freak?

[C]

I'm running away.

[B]

I would say in this scenario she's maybe emotionally unavailable for me.

[A]

Oh, good. That's what I was going for.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Still got it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, I like that you opened with the. The one person show gambit. Sorry, I didn't see you there.

[D]

That's okay.

[A]

Thank you for that. I really appreciate that.

[C]

Absolutely. Well.

[A]

Is that. Are you pogo sticking babe on the ladder? What are you doing?

[D]

I haven't fallen off yet. I managed to balance myself on it.

[A]

And we're just now hearing this sound.

[D]

I turn on the sound for you.

[C]

Oh, you turned on the sound for a Jim?

[B]

I thought someone having sex outside.

[A]

Oh, he's chasing Jimis.

[C]

What about the show Jis?

[D]

Probably up.

[C]

Don't.

[A]

Could you not run away from us?

[D]

I see him.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Okay, gypsies.

[B]

Hey.

[D]

Stop the ladder.

[A]

So wait, let me get this straight. You're actually wanting us to understand that you're jumping on a ladder and a pogos to get the pop up?

[D]

If I fall, it's. That's it.

[C]

No, I think that is the. That's the noise of the ladder pogoing.

[A]

So he's on the ladder on a pogo stick.

[C]

No, he's not.

[D]

Do we have to discover this?

[C]

He's using the ladder as a pogo stick.

[D]

Burn's got.

[A]

It makes no sense. How could you do that?

[C]

Don't you, Elizabeth, govern me.

[A]

You're right. It's my fault that I can't follow this logic. It's my fault. It's my fault.

[C]

He's holding on to the ladder and he's jumping down.

[D]

Oh, why are we discussing this?

[A]

Did Jim help you? Did Jim help you?

[D]

Jim skis. Oh, fine.

[C]

Boy, that was a close one.

[A]

It's a silent help.

[D]

Thank you, Jim Skis.

[C]

He grabbed it just in time.

[D]

It sounds like.

[A]

All right, Kieran, you can hear me. Jim Skills. Thank you for saving my husband's life.

[C]

No problem.

[A]

Oh, there we go. There he was.

[C]

Kieran, you're. You're a very interesting person.

[B]

I know.

[C]

I don't know that we really solved anything here today. It seems like you are. You're unrepentant about going through the stop signs. You feel like you've done your homework and that you're not a danger to anyone except for this Kimberly person, who, to be fair, did not say she was almost run over, but that she just noticed him going through the stop.

[B]

Sign and she had a lot of.

[A]

Time and, you know, she. She said it many times. Sailing through, sailing through, sailing through, through. As if there's not a care in the world, especially for your fellow citizens.

[C]

Yeah, I guess we just. There's nothing really left to do here. There's no.

[A]

I mean, I think that Kimberly was right. How did she put it? You are an absolute turd.

[B]

I don't. I don't agree.

[C]

So you. You reject that characterization also.

[B]

Yes. And also, like, think about the word sailing. You know, like, if you close your eyes and you think of sailing, it's not bad.

[C]

No, it does sound nice.

[A]

That doesn't. Sure. That has nothing to do with you driving through a stop sign, though. I mean, those two things are true.

[B]

But I was sailing through it. Just think about it that way. Sailing through the stop sign sound nice?

[A]

When he says that, Doug is just thinking of the Christopher Cross song. I know he is. That's exactly what he's thinking of.

[B]

I wasn't plowing through it. I wasn't. I wasn't rushing through it.

[C]

It's true.

[A]

I was saying, how many miles an hour are you going?

[B]

78.

[A]

Okay. That's not sailing. That's not sailing the speedboat. You were speed boating through the intersection. Okay.

[B]

Speedboats are fun.

[A]

Sailboats can go the most obnoxious. Burnt.

[C]

What's the power of the wind?

[A]

Yeah. Thank you.

[C]

I mean, how do you think Columbus got here?

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

And what is today?

[C]

Tuesday.

[B]

Columbus Day.

[A]

Oh, is it?

[B]

It is.

[A]

I was not aware.

[B]

It is Columbus Day.

[C]

As of this recording, it is what we call Columbus Day.

[A]

For now.

[C]

For now. One last thing before we let you go, Kieran.

[B]

Yes, of course.

[C]

Is that Kimberly said you were wearing a backwards baseball cap. You were wearing that same backwards baseball cap. Can you tell us or show us what the baseball cap says?

[A]

Yeah, turn it around.

[B]

John Deere.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I didn't see that coming.

[A]

I did not. We should have, because the color black. Sure.

[B]

It's a warehouse hat.

[C]

What does that mean?

[B]

It's for the warehouse team of John Deere.

[A]

Well, Kern, we usually say best of luck to you, but I don't want to say that to him.

[C]

Yeah, I don't. I don't think.

[A]

Please watch out for your. Your fellow human.

[B]

Did you expect me to come here and apologize?

[A]

I expected you to come here and give us any indication that you were not the monster that Kimberly described.

[B]

I'm here to tell you that Kimberly is the monster. Don't you understand?

[A]

I don't. I'm not. I don't. I mean, you'd have to bring more receipts.

[C]

Beyond. Beyond just you having what you feel.

[D]

Is a.

[C]

Like, just ironclad sense of when nobody's around. So you can run through stop size.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

What makes Kimberly a monster?

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Burnt in this instance. Yeah.

[B]

Repeat question.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Why is Kimberly a monster?

[B]

Because she went out of her way to make me look like a monster online.

[A]

She went out of her way. She was multitasking. She. He said that she could yell at him and. And type at the same time. That's not going out of your way.

[C]

But, Joan, I think we're forced to agree. Anyone who posts online is wasting their time. They're going. They're going out.

[A]

Certainly on this app.

[C]

They don't need to be. No one needs to be posting online at all.

[A]

Oh, I agree with that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I will agree with.

[B]

I think the evidence is in front of you to prove to you that the monster is really Kimberly and not me. For example, you said, what time did she post?

[A]

1159.

[B]

1159. And you were saying that she may have been posting or formulated the idea prior to 1159.

[D]

Correct.

[A]

No, I know. What I meant was the exciting incident might have happened earlier, and then she posted later, but YouTube. No, she's. She. She happened. It happened, and then she posted in the moment.

[C]

Real time.

[A]

In real time.

[B]

And so she was driving and texting at the same time.

[A]

Do you know what? I thought she was walking.

[C]

I assumed she was walking, too.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

The Doctor was a woman.

[C]

It's a real the Doctor was a woman moment for us.

[A]

That's on us. That's on us.

[B]

That.

[C]

You know what, Joan, and I hate to say this. We're the most Monsters or the monsters. K. We owe you an apology.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

As Doug would say, touche.

[C]

We thank you for appearing on the show.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

You have taught us a valuable lesson here today.

[B]

I hope so.

[C]

I. I mean, it was a circuitous route, but we got there in the end.

[A]

He's a little bit matured.

[B]

Do you say circuitous as in circle?

[C]

I suppose so, yes.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Does circuitous mean a circle or does it mean just like.

[A]

I don't know. He said circuitous, so I don't know.

[B]

Did you say circuitous or circuitous?

[C]

I didn't say either.

[B]

Well, what did you. You said something similar.

[C]

I. Wait, I. I was the one who said circuitous, correct? I did not say circuitous.

[B]

No, that was the circuitous means. It comes back around as a circle.

[C]

Okay. I'm so sorry.

[B]

You're fine.

[A]

Okay. Well, I think we should probably say goodbye to you. And you know what, K? We wish you the best of luck.

[C]

We do. We have no choice but to wish you the best of luck.

[B]

I don't need it, but thank you.

[C]

I knew he was going to see that. We'll be back with more of the Neighbor Listen when the Neighbor Listen returns with more of it.

[E]

This is album Marigarita. Poker table free. Hello. I'm your new neighbor in Dignity Falls. I am doing fall cleaning, and I have a poker table that I inherited from my husband. I would like to find someone who likes to play poker to have it or have the table for some other use. Let me know if you are interested or know of someone who might be interested to pick it up. I have the table outside at the curb. Can be picked up anytime. I don't know if you noticed that I said poker table. Any kind of quotation marks. Poker table. You get me? I'm winking at you. This is album margarita again. Poker table free. I'm waiting for someone to pick up the poker table. It's been an hour and 25 minutes. This poker table needs to get gone. Do you know what I'm saying? It can't be out on the curb forever. It is a very obvious poker table. Wink, wink. Have America my tree poker table ad learning to use this poker table at the curb. Freak. I need that poker table out of here. Do you understand that? I need you to get in before anybody.

[A]

It sees it.

[C]

Wow. Joan. I mean, I am. I. I'm mortified.

[A]

I am, too.

[C]

We really had him. I mean, we didn't have him pegged all wrong.

[A]

No. Like I said, I still think there's a. The turd is. Is still strong.

[C]

Strong. The turd is in this one.

[A]

Wait, but I. What a twist. Yeah, that might go down in our history, our podcast history, as a. As a real moment where it turned on us.

[C]

It hardly ever happens.

[A]

It hardly ever happens.

[D]

You're saying because Kimberly was in a car, that makes her wrong?

[A]

Well, he had a point that she. She wasn't wrong about him texting. Yes, it's more who in the wrong.

[C]

Who is she to say he's doing something wrong?

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Take this. Take the plank out of your own eye.

[A]

Yes, yes. Take the cell phone out of your hand.

[D]

Heal thyself.

[C]

Okay, well, thyself.

[A]

Now we're just saying things.

[C]

Speaking of heal thyself Are you okay up under the ladder?

[A]

This. Would you please get off the ladder? I thought you got off the ladder.

[D]

She's carried me back on the ladder. And prom.

[A]

Why are you back on the ladder?

[D]

Because I gotta finish the Potemkin Village.

[A]

You do not. I don't even want this. I don't want this. Burns.

[D]

Well, I'm already. I mean, I'm halfway through. Might as well finish.

[C]

I don't know. Halfway. I think you could quit.

[D]

Happy.

[A]

I haven't even seen what it looks like. I mean, I'm sure you could quit. I'm sure it would be okay.

[D]

I'm a decent artist. I think it looks pretty cool.

[C]

You're.

[A]

You're okay, babe, But, I mean, this is a whole.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Well, it depends on the medium. We're talking a gigantic painting.

[C]

I know, I know. I guess if. If I. I would be. If my partner said to me, you're okay.

[A]

How did you figure out how to make it to scale and everything, babe? I mean, like, how are you?

[D]

I feel like we got to go.

[A]

Back to therapy because I don't want you to put a Potemkin Village. I don't know that that is grounds for therapy, babe. I think most people would be on my side.

[C]

If you do go to couples therapy, will you record it for a bonus room? Because you know that. That couples therapy is a popular show.

[A]

That woman is so famous. That woman's famous.

[C]

And yet I have no idea. I've never seen the show. I couldn't pick her out of a.

[A]

Line, to be fair. She had shown up on someone's Instagram, hanging out backstage at a Broadway show, and I had to look her up, but then immediately knew who she was.

[C]

She had a Broadway show.

[A]

I think she was at O Mary.

[C]

I hope she had a great time.

[A]

You know, everyone goes to Omari.

[C]

Who's in it these days? Brian Boitano. Who's. Who's.

[D]

Who's.

[C]

Who's the latest person.

[A]

Would that be incredible?

[C]

Who's the latest writer?

[A]

Brian Boitano was playing Lincoln. That would just be the best. I think we're a few years out from Brian Boitano. A few years.

[D]

All right.

[A]

It's Jane Krakowski.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And Cheyenne Jackson.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Who I love.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

And I don't remember the other people.

[C]

Cheyenne Jackson came up before on this podcast, and I can't remember. No, that's not true.

[A]

Is that true? No, I mean, is it not true?

[C]

Came up off mic for different reason.

[A]

Well, I adore him.

[C]

Sure. He's great.

[A]

He Was wonderful. In a production at Pasadena Playhouse. I heard of La Cage Foal.

[C]

Oh, I heard about that production as well.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Already was terrific.

[A]

I heard everyone else was terrific in it, too.

[C]

Yeah. Others.

[A]

Others. I did. I will say this. It's funny this is coming up, because I'm just gonna throw this in here. We can get into it later. But I, I. There's just been such a. Such a hysteria about that play. Just such a real. Just a real interest in it. Yes. And I was just thinking I could do a local one, you know, and I was thinking, oh, it could be. Oh, Joan. But it can't be. It's. I have to be playing someone else. And so I was thinking that it could be. It could be. Oh, Gretel, which is, of course, famously the wife of our first mayor here in Dignity Falls, also kind of. Who was famously shot.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And Gretel. We don't know a lot about Gretel, but we do know that she was reclusive.

[C]

She only appeared in public once.

[A]

She only appeared in public once.

[C]

Yes. It was by accident, his swearing in. Yes. She didn't know what was happening. She walked in on it.

[A]

They had it in the house, and she was just going through to get a snack.

[C]

And this was Bert Clanson, who was the first mayor of Dignity Falls.

[A]

Mayor Clanson.

[C]

And he is quoted as saying, what are you doing here? And then he had to get back to swearing it. Take the oath.

[D]

It's funny because that became a famous quote.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Like, as if it was to the citizenry. What are you doing?

[A]

Yeah. And there's a famous painting of it.

[C]

And people use it as a call to action. What are you doing here? There'll be a picture of him on a billboard pointing.

[A]

And there's a famous other painting in City hall of the moment. You know, she's in a. She's in a nightgown.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Because she was not feeling well, and she.

[C]

She was going to get some warm milk all the way out of the house, down to city.

[A]

No, I said it happened in the house. I, I explained that.

[C]

Oh, no, you did. You did.

[A]

In fact, I don't think it would have happened. Happened otherwise.

[C]

That's.

[B]

That's.

[C]

You know what? That's a good point, Joan. I guess in my mind, you know, I'm just like. Just like I assumed Kimberly was on the street. It's true. I assumed that the mayor got sworn.

[A]

In his city, but that was the weird thing. I think there was a huge storm.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And City hall very famously has that Outdoor courtyard where they were going to hold it. They couldn't do it. They don't have enough room inside.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

City. Because City hall is just. It's just literally four. Four buildings that spell City Hall. So there's no real good indoor. A gathering room.

[C]

It's four buildings that spell City Hall.

[A]

It's eight buildings.

[C]

This is making less sense to me, you know?

[A]

C I, T, Y, H. Right.

[C]

Okay. All right. I've never seen it from the sky, so I guess I didn't know.

[A]

Actually, no one has. You're not allowed to photograph it from above. Everyone just says, trust me, trust us. We're just supposed to believe it, and you're supposed to.

[C]

I mean, this makes. This gives you respect for map makers because, like, from the earliest maps, to get a sense of what a country was shaped like.

[D]

How did they do it?

[A]

I have no idea.

[C]

Yeah, I think about this like this.

[A]

Just get them on a big ladder, babe, what do you think?

[D]

Oh. Oh, yeah, you'd have to. Well, you'd have to have. Come on. You have to have a huge.

[A]

Oh, wow. I just got. I feel I really just got reprimanded for that.

[C]

People, what's really fun is to. To sit outside City hall and watch the drones deactivate as they get into the airspace. I don't know what kind of signal they're sending out, but they. They fall like flies. It's really amazing to watch.

[A]

So, anyways, I'm thinking of working on a little sort of, you know, ode to oh, Mary. But it'll be oh, Gretel, and maybe it'll be oh, Gretel.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

I don't want to get in trouble, so I think I might have to change the first word.

[C]

What about if it's like a Gretel? Oh.

[A]

Oh, that's fun, too.

[C]

Gretel, like. And M dash.

[A]

An M dash.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Umlau. What's an EM dash?

[C]

Are we playing password?

[A]

I just wanted to say it because we've been talking about it with Kern.

[C]

No, EM dash is the. When you do the two dashes. I didn't know that it's called an EM dash.

[A]

I thought it was called a double hyphen.

[C]

It's. I've never heard the term double hyphen.

[A]

Well, I've said in front of a lot of people, double hyphen.

[C]

What does this mean?

[A]

Who's that? Is that just.

[C]

Now, you remember the double rainbow guy?

[D]

Oh, yeah, all the way. Might even be a triple rainbow.

[C]

It wasn't, though.

[D]

No, he was. He got you know, he got. He got.

[C]

His eyes got too big for his stomach.

[D]

Racing for one.

[C]

Yeah, he wanted neighbors letting other neighbors.

[A]

Know about things going on in the neighborhood. Do you have one last post to show?

[C]

Yes, I do, Joan.

[A]

This.

[C]

This is kind of a sad one, I think. Oh, no, this is someone named Paul.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And Paul posts. Oh, and this was submitted by Web Cummings.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Listener. Webco.

[A]

We already had someone. Webco. We had another from the previous episode. Yes, we did. Thanks a lot.

[C]

Wait a minute. Oh, this is the same Paul.

[A]

It's not the same Paul.

[C]

It is.

[A]

No, it's not.

[C]

It is. I recognize the last name. We don't give last names on the show. Oh, I cannot believe we got three. Wow.

[D]

What?

[C]

This is the same Paul from the last episode.

[A]

You're sure?

[C]

Yes. Anyone know someone who had a bike stolen about 10 years ago? I know it's a long time ago, but if you did know someone, please post it on this website.

[A]

Wait, well, that sounds like Ani, the other person who couldn't say two words together without a space. Wow. You know, have. Are we. Are we just getting through the entire town? Are we starting gonna have like a repeats and stuff?

[C]

No, I, I.

[A]

Everyone's gonna start knowing each other.

[C]

Should I apologize to the listeners that Paul is getting too many posts on the podcast?

[A]

How do you know it's the same Paul?

[C]

Because I recognize the name. He explained. Well, but thank you.

[A]

But many people could be named Paul.

[C]

No, but because I said I recognize the last name. We don't give out last names on.

[A]

Guys, you know what? This is just too much, okay? It's been a crazy episode, and that man pounded my counter.

[C]

Joan.

[B]

What?

[D]

You were wrong.

[C]

Just admit it. And it is your counter And Doug's counter.

[D]

Our counter.

[A]

Sorry, babe.

[D]

Accepted.

[A]

All right.

[C]

So, you know, I have a friend who sometimes he's married, and sometimes his wife says in front of him to other people, refers to their wedding. Is my wedding.

[A]

Oh, wow. Oh, dear. Like, as a joke.

[C]

No, that was a joke.

[A]

All right, so I don't know. Is Paul the one who lost the bicycle?

[C]

Well, I don't.

[D]

Sounds like Paul fell.

[A]

I feel like he has had this missing bicycle for. For 10 years. And passively, aggressively is.

[D]

Is saying aggressively.

[A]

It's the worst kind of aggressively.

[C]

Do you think that Paul has stolen this bike?

[D]

I think that's when he feels bad.

[A]

Well, no, I'm saying his bike went missing, and now 10 years later, he's.

[C]

Cleared up for you.

[A]

He's just trying to stir up.

[C]

He really is Doug. You're trying to drive away.

[A]

I had it. We already can't look each other in the eye. This is a problem.

[D]

No one could be less barbed than me.

[A]

Less barbed?

[D]

None of my words have had such power.

[A]

Are you reading Shakespeare?

[C]

What? Sounds like he's quoting from something. None of my words could have less power. Anyone know someone. Anyone knows someone who had a bike stolen about 10 years ago? I know it's a long time ago, but if you did know someone, please post it on this website.

[A]

Are you supposed to post no sense.

[C]

The. The bike itself.

[A]

Are you supposed to tell if he's looking for a bike and it's because. Why was he. Why would he want someone to post about a bike they lost 10 years ago? Why in the world would someone ask for that?

[C]

I really don't know. It's very. It's very mis. I wish.

[A]

It's too specific and it's too weird.

[C]

I wish we could have asked Paul about this.

[A]

Maybe we'll have to have him back sometime.

[D]

He's only looking for the person who knows the person.

[A]

It's very.

[D]

Not the person whose bike was stolen.

[C]

Well, I think that's. That's. He's offering that as a possibility. He just wants something connected to Doug.

[A]

Just.

[C]

Doug.

[A]

Doug just gave fun.

[D]

I'm done.

[A]

You know what, babe? I think you did. You can't just be done. You're acting like JP when she's in a bad mood.

[C]

But you know Doug. I have to say Doug is correct.

[A]

What do you mean?

[D]

I'm back.

[C]

Anyone know. Anyone know someone had a bike stolen? I know it's a long time ago. A long time ago. But if you did know someone, right. Please put on this website. He's not saying if you had a bike stolen 10 years ago. I don't care there. If you know someone who did.

[A]

Right. Then post about why. Why?

[C]

Well, that I understand. Because this person's a weirdo. You met Paul?

[A]

Yeah, I met Paul.

[C]

Yeah. So he's out.

[A]

Yeah. Super weirdo.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Let's all drink.

[A]

Let's all drink after this.

[C]

You know what, Doug?

[A]

Actually, you know what? We. We have shared that. That a lot of times. We just go straight to drinking after this. We should be the perfect day for that.

[D]

We should.

[C]

After this, we should go out to DTF and just get absolutely waste. Let's just do it.

[A]

Yeah, let's do it.

[D]

Let's forget to do.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Let's forget today.

[A]

Well, thanks everyone, for listening.

[C]

We're gonna black today out with alcohol. If you would like to hear ad free episodes or to get access to our bonus room content, go to cbbworld.com and sign up on the Maximus tier and we will be back next week with another episode.

[A]

And until then, goodbye and bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[C]

The Neighborhood List the Listen is hosted and produced by me Paul F. Tompkins.

[D]

And me Nicole Parker and me Brett Morris.

[C]

This episode's guest was played by Aristotle Athari. The Neighborhood Listen as a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[A]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maxima subscribers. Your support keeps the.