The Strider Bike Fugitive with Waleed Mansour

Summary

The Neighborhood Listen – “The Strider Bike Fugitive” with Waleed Mansour

Release Date: December 9, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of The Neighborhood Listen, hosts Burnt Miape Day (Paul F. Tompkins), Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker), and Doug (Brett Morris) dive into the weird and wonderful happenings of Dignity Falls. The main thread follows a peculiar crime post about a “Strider bike” thief, leading to a freewheeling interview with the fugitive himself (played by guest Waleed Mansour). Along the way, the trio launches into hilarious side discussions about radio DJs, axolotls, failed business ventures, and the strange social dynamics of their fictional small town.

The show’s tone is irreverent, deeply silly, and full of improv comedy—moving at a brisk pace between absurd local stories, ongoing character bits, and ultimately a story about chaos, regret, and a semi-professional wrestler on the lam.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Neighborhood App Post: The Strider Bike Thief

[29:38; 31:19]

• The core post: A man, described as wearing hospital scrubs and a “neck brace,” stole a child’s pedal-less Strider bike from a carport. The authors submitted a photo for identification.
• The hosts riff on whether the “neck brace” is actually a neck pillow or towel, and debate the visual evidence.

Memorable Quote:

"If it's a neck brace, this neck is in bad shape."
— Burnt, [32:16]

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2. Interview with the "Strider Bike Fugitive": Omaran (Guest Waleed Mansour)

[32:26–76:48]

Omaran's Story Unfolds:

• Who Is He?

  • Introduces himself as Omaran, also known by his wrestling persona “Ho Malone.”
  • He’s quick to say, “Can we all just have bad days sometimes?” [33:29]
  • Admits outright to the theft: “Yeah, I am him...I did take that bike. And it was necessary.” [33:12, 34:43]

• Why the Theft?

  • Explains there were 17 adult bikes: “I took the child's bike because it was the smallest; the child will grow into an adult bike eventually.” [34:55–36:01]
  • Needed immediate escape–was “on the run from some bad fellas” after a bungled, fixed wrestling match. [36:13, 36:54]

• Backstory: The Wrestling Debacle

  • Works as a semi-pro wrestler (ring name: “Ho Malone,” inspired by Home Alone “wet bandit” villains).
  • Was told by organizers he’d win, but bookies wanted him to throw the match. He tries and fails to lose believably due to accidental slapstick (hits himself with bowling ball, does an uncoordinated “moonsault” flip, inadvertently wins anyway). [39:38–41:57]
  • Suffers a concussion and throws on a real neck brace (not just a disguise) from the locker room. [53:19]

• On the Run Through Dignity Falls

  • Dons hospital scrubs (his “day job” = radiologist), tries to hide among neighborhoods, hops fences (“doing the Ferris Bueller”). [47:18, 55:34]
  • Spends a night running, gets wet (briefly discusses being “flicked off” a diving board by a kid). [56:00]

• Why the Strider Bike?

  • By morning, needs wheels; decides the child’s Strider is least valuable or least likely missed.
  • Gets stuck repeatedly in a hilly area, unable to crest the incline on the pedal-less bike. [59:02]

• The Bike’s Fate

  • Eventually chased by “goons” and their dogs (“pups”)—throws the Strider bike to distract them (“they were eating the crap out of that bike”). [62:16]

• Desperate Visit to Ex-Wife

  • Omaran flees to his ex-wife Ally’s house for refuge, only to find her with new partner (a failed mayoral candidate) and their sons.
  • Children are “used to it”—he’s been “on the run” before; admits he “didn’t want” custody. [67:28, 68:38]
  • High-energy, cheerfully self-deluded delivery belies a chaotic, unstable reality.

Memorable Quotes:

• “All runs are different.” – Omaran, [64:08]
• “Can you apologize to the child?”
  “Hey, child... The bike’s gone, and it’s never coming back.” – [60:53; 61:03]
• “Help me, help me! ... There’s a guy in the backyard!”
  — (Chaotic conclusion as possible pursuer appears at the hosts’ window) [75:56–76:08]
• “How much do you owe these guys?”
  “Ninety-six dollars.”
  “Are you kidding me? Omar, you have to get out of here right now!” [76:09–76:22]

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3. Running Gags and Side Conversations

Radio DJs & Local Eccentrics

[02:58–09:23]

• The hosts discuss Patty Higginbottom, local late-night radio DJ who reads “love damnations” with a sweet voice (“You are sent to me from hell...”).
• Debate the secret to vocalists’ longevity and vocal care: “Secrets and Gargles” (a store selling mysterious gargles and “goggle goggles”). [07:17]

Axolotl Mania & Doug’s Business Ventures

[13:55–18:09; 80:39–86:52]

• Joan waxes poetic about kids’ obsession with axolotls and the children’s book “Axolotl,” sparking a pun contest (“Hijacks-a-lotl”).
• Doug is developing stuffed toys—first tries “Build a Naked Mole Rat,” then pivoting (without much success) to “Build an Axolotl,” and finally to bizarre “gooey ducks,” causing household confusion and exasperation. [81:00–85:00]

The Local Critic (& Neighborhood Feuds)

[21:00–23:57]

• Joan recounts harassment from local theater critic Mitch McNutt (bitten chocolates, dead flowers, scathing reviews), and debates how much “boundary breaking” is acceptable among listeners.

Movie Tangents

[20:11, 45:45]

• Frequent insistence: “We are not a movie podcast.”
• Digressions into “Lord of the Rings,” “Saw,” “The Strangers,” “Uncut Gems,” “The Fugitive,” “Home Alone,” “Bones,” and more.
• Ongoing bit: Burnt’s “Burn’s Three”—recounting exactly three things remembered from a movie.
  • For The Fugitive:
    1. “I don’t care.”
    2. Shoe polish/hair dye
    3. The leap off the drainpipe [74:56–75:15]

“Sit and Lear”—Dignity Falls Expressions

• Discussion of town-specific phrases, like “sit and lear” (to sit in the street and reflect on one’s mistakes; “lear” = “real” backward”). [51:48–52:09]

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4. Community Corners: Holiday Decorations & Hustles

[87:01–92:23]

• Joan reads a gushing social post by “Scarlet,” who hired Chester to decorate her home with Christmas lights.
• The photo reveals it’s just one plain white strand; Burnt and Joan mock the over-the-top praise and question if “Chester” is a scam artist.

  “When he switched everything on, my whole yard lit up like the season had officially begun. Right there at my doorstep.” – Scarlet, read by Joan, [88:37]
  “It looks like barely anything was done. It’s just some white lights.” – Burnt, [89:14]
  “She claims people slowed down... It just looks like regular lights for security.” – Joan, [89:53]

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Notable Quotes & Moments (by Speaker & Timestamp)

• Burnt (Paul F. Tompkins):

  • “If it’s a neck brace, this neck is in bad shape.” [32:16]
  • “Can we all just have bad days sometimes?” [33:29]
  • “Are you saying burnt me up sounds made up?” [25:33]
  • “I want to clone him so I can kill the clone.” (re: Mitch McNutt) [22:25]

• Joan (Nicole Parker):

  • “It's a little jarring, I'm sure, to sometimes hear that we have a potential criminal sitting at this kitchen island.” [78:51]
  • “This is feminine overdrive in all its glory.” [82:44]

• Omaran/’Ho Malone’ (Waleed Mansour):

  • “Did you take that bike?”—Burnt
    “I did take that bike. And it was necessary.” [33:08–33:44]
  • “I was on the run from some bad fellas.” [36:13]
  • “Hey, child... The bike’s gone, and it’s never coming back.” [61:03]
  • “All runs are different.” [64:08]

• Doug (Brett Morris):

  • (On his failed plush toys) “Now, I think it's more like a gooey duck.” [80:51]
  • “Do me a favor and google gooey duck.” [81:03]

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Important Timestamps

• Begin main content / introductions: [02:09]
• "Strider Bike" post introduced: [31:19]
• Omaran (‘Ho Malone’) interview starts: [32:26]
• Wrestling backstory & why on the run: [36:54–41:57]
• Strider bike theft details: [59:02–63:16]
• Wandering Dignity Falls, dog chase: [55:34, 62:12]
• Encounter at ex-wife Ally’s house & more family backstory: [67:28–69:09]
• Hosts confront Omaran about consequences/messy life: [70:07–76:48]
• Neighborhood community holiday decorations post: [87:01–92:23]
• Closing/holiday wishes: [92:43–93:34]

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Episode’s Tone & Energy

The show maintains a playful, absurdist, and sometimes poignant tone—digging into deeply flawed characters’ lives while never letting go of the comic improvisational style. The hosts embrace ongoing confusions, tangents, and meta-commentary (“Are we a movie podcast?”), and openly riff on their own (and their town’s) many shortcomings.

The guest character’s relentless energy—despite clear personal failures—provides both comedic momentum and an undercurrent of real pathos.

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Useful for New Listeners

• You’ll get character-driven improv based on ludicrously real neighborhood posts.
• The show joyfully parodies both true crime podcasts and hyper-local Facebook groups.
• The hosts blend town lore with elaborate running gags.
• Main story: A wrestling-radiologist-fugitive’s ridiculous, self-justifying narrative of bike theft and family drama.
• Standing recommendations: Avoid hiring “Chester” for Christmas lights, and think twice before leaving your Strider bike in the carport.

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TL;DR

The Neighborhood Listen delivers another wild tour of Dignity Falls, packed with awkward holiday spirit and the unfiltered confessions of a truly hapless Strider bike thief. Featuring tangents about axolotls, semi-pro wrestling, failed plush toys, and one amazing (yet underwhelming) Christmas lighting job, it’s a festive, farcical glimpse into the strange soul of the suburbs.

Transcript

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Quick, choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Daily Double meal deal.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Each with its own small fries, drink and four piece of McNuggets.

[Joan Pedestrian]

There's actually no rush.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm just excited for McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Not Valver McDelivery.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton. Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Of course he did.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

He handles the nice list. An elf i3. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You can get it on them.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm Mrs. Claus much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Or give it as a gift.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Guys, my side of the tree is slipping.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile, switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And now TV.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

T mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month ego credits for.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Accounts Finance Agreement 256 gigs, $830 eligible Ford in a new line $100 plus a month plan with auto payments, taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line. Visit t mobile.com hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Occasionally we change the names of some.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Streets and that's all you need to know to support the show and unlock the ad free archive as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the Bonus room. Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Listen. Knock knock.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Who's there?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Your neighbor.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Good In Dignity falls. You're never alone. You've got the Neighbor half app and us, Burn and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We'll chat about any post you're missing, so just tune in to the neighborhood.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Listen.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Welcome to the neighborhood. Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its residents. I am one such resident. My name is Burnt Miape Day. I'm the pharmacist in chief of the Dignity Falls Embassy here at Dignity Falls. And with me, as always, is.

I.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I. I mean, I. I'm Joan Pedestrian, but I don't know who the person across from the kitchen island is. Well, it's me.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It's me, Burnt.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's me. Bernt, are you there? God.

I have never heard you talk like that. Burnt. Are you trying on a new sort of Persona? Is this going to be through the whole episode or.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, not now.

Now that I've been made extremely self conscious. I like it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I do. Doug loves it. I'm not saying I didn't like it. I was just surprised. You know who it reminded me of? It reminded me of Patty Higginbottom, who of course does the late Night Love tribute.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

That's right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

On FM.

On shore 108.5.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's right. And she's got love songs on the shore.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Love songs on the shore. And she's got that voice.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It's very soothing. Big fan. She does love.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You are.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

She does love Dead at the love damnations where people say, I just broke up with someone. I would like you to send this song out to them. And then it's just the most hateful song you can imagine.

[Joan Pedestrian]

But she'll still read the damnation, like really sweet. You are sent to me from hell. And this is the biggest regret I've ever had. Worst choice I've ever made. And that's what he thinks about you. Dennis.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This is from Joanie, who wants you to rot in hell and hopes you never know a moment's peace.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You know what, it's weird about those sort of long term DJs. I just feel like they're immortal in a weird way. I don't understand how they've just kept going. I mean, she's been doing this for like upwards of 40 years.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They don't sound like they age at all.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, they sound exact. Do you think they've just done it for so long that eventually they can just piece it together?

[Joan Pedestrian]

What do you mean? They use old recordings.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They said every day.

[Joan Pedestrian]

This is not them. We're here.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They could just Frankenstein it together. That's what the car guys do. Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sorry, what?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Babe, you know the car guy show here in Diggity Falls?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, yes, the car guys show. I don't listen to it, obviously. But Doug does.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sometimes they're clonk and thud. And they're the car guys. They're. The whole thing is they don't know anything about cars. So people call in and they say, yeah, I have this problem. And they go, what do you expect us to do about it?

[Joan Pedestrian]

But people love the interaction. They basically just roast you for not.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Knowing anything about cars because they'll talk for a while by themselves, and people enjoy that part. And then when the callers call in, their. Their response is always like, go talk to a mechanic.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And you know what they do? Basically also they're like, and you know the problem with the car. And they just start yelling, what is a car? What is a car? To find a car. What is a car? What is a car? No, but what is a car? And you can't even get a word in edgewise. So it ends up making it sou. Like they're winning.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They're like the. The gun nuts. With what if you say AR15 and they have to. You have to know exactly what that is or you can't talk about.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You don't come with stuff. If you don't come a source of knowledge, you're going to just spit that trivia right back at you. They got stats.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

There's a car.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They don't know anything about the cars. They've just memorized all the stats.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Which is. They're so close to helping people.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I love those guys.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Absolutely. I know you do.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I love those guys. They're fun.

[Joan Pedestrian]

But. But it's. But it's interesting about Patty because I kind of, as. As a local, I haven't said who I am yet, so I guess I'll do that now.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Great idea.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm Joan Pedestrian, the top realtor here and top local actor. I added top to the phrase, to the title. Absolutely. And I guess because of that fact that I am. I like to consider myself an artist. I'm a vocalist of sorts that I'm really interested in how she keeps her vocal.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Vocalist of sort. You mean you're a singer?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm a singer. I think vocalist sometimes sort of elevates the phrase, meaning that it's. I have sort of more technical knowledge. You know, I think it just makes it sound more fancy.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Never questioned it. What?

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's a fancier way of saying singer, I think. A vocalist, you know, so you're.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

But you're. You're widening out the umbrella to encompass people who don't necessarily sing but do something with their voice.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, absolutely. Because, you know, if you think of, like, a voiceover artist or someone who does, you know, mostly like, radio commercials, they're all. They're all. They're all vocalists. People who do animated voices.

I would not call him vocalist. I would call him a terrorist. Are you kidding me? He's a monst. I am not going to give him the title of vocalist. Absolutely not. You know, I hate those movies. You know, I hate all those kinds of movies. Torture porn. Stop it.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

That does a good, good jigsaw.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

In this room, you'll find three corpses.

One of them has a poem in their pocket.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Poem?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, what A poem.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I don't know. I'm no jigsaw.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, thank God. But I just. I would love to maybe sit down with her and just see, like, what are, you know, anyone who uses her voice that much for her job, they're going to have all sorts of different tinctures and teas and. And, you know, lozenges and. And things that they probably use. Gargles. Secrets. Gargles. Secrets and gargles.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Secrets and gargles.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, I mean. And I'm, of course, I'm not talking about the shop Secrets and gargles in town.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, that place I can't believe is still open.

Because you go and you can buy the gargles. And they say, what are the secrets? And they say, well, now, if I told you that. And it's like, well, are you selling secret. Do you have secret things for sale?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Secrets for sale?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Because they do have a beaded curtain that no one's allowed.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No one goes back.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They say, unless you know what's back there, you can't go back there.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's. But it's just a bunch of bottles of different gargles that you can sort of have, you know, either for, like, sore throats or whatever. And then they have goggles you could put on to have to take the gargles.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Goggles. Goggles.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Gargle goggles, yeah.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Goggle goggles.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Never say it right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Never. It's.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Then they laugh at you.

[Joan Pedestrian]

There's all these tik toks of people trying to say it, you know, in this. In the. In. In the. In the store.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's why they're so popular.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's why. Oh, absolutely. Tik Tok made them.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It's the influencers.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Put them on the map. 100%. Everyone comes here to go to. To go to secrets and garbage.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Everyone comes here.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Anyways, back to.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I just. I'm fascinated by people like that who just done.

Vocalizing for. For Years. Like, there's a woman. Do you know that there's a woman? There's actually. She has a name. Of course she does. Her name is Lisa Gerard. Have you ever heard that name? No, this is real. You know, she does all those movies. You know, there's movies, specifically Gladiator or any movie where there's something like in an old timey, whether it's Roman or a Different country. And there's woman going, oh, yeah, in the back. Her name is Lisa Gerard. And she's the one in Galadia who's like.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Did she do Avatar too?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I believe so. She's used all the time by Lycon Zimmer. And you know what? She looks exactly like. She sounds like she's dead.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

She's floating.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Doesn't she sound like she's dead?

She's like that lady in the haunted mansion going, come back. That's what she looks like. She's got gray, silver hair. What's her name? Seems to be in motion. Her name is Lisa Gerard. Look her up. It's real. She's always wearing black. And she's, like standing with symphonies and singing that. You know, she's it. What a fun, specific job, right? I want to just do that.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

I just.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I just want to sing. I just want to sing. I want to sing while a man walks through a wheat field.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

You know, she does look exactly like she sounds, right?

[Joan Pedestrian]

She looks exactly like she sounds.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay, right? Okay.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Her hair is sort of mummified.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Her hair is mummified.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

There's one picture where it looks like she has a sort of. Like she has sort of a beehive hair.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, now there, she got sassy. She got the Adele.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

But then this one looks like she's wearing a thing to mimic her own hair.

[Joan Pedestrian]

See, this is not the. You're looking at the wrong pictures, Bern.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

See, Mama, I'm so sorry.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Picture you have.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I apologize, John.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I'm just. I'm seeing all.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, she's got the longer hair. Oh. I guess in her older age. Yes. There she is. Look at her. She's not. Is she living?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

She looks. She does look very AI.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And, you know, a lot of times her hair used to be permed. But I'm realizing I have not laid eyes on her in a couple decades. That's her. She's like, what are you gonna do? I'm dead.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What are you gon.

I almost sang.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You almost did.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I was sort of like moaning.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's just so close to singing.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It is so close to singing. Very good. Because Normally, you only sing one note, and then maybe.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Was that really. It did sound like Santa sounds like this.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He does not. That's not him. Nope. Honestly. Burn. If there are children listening, you're gonna scare them. It's getting further and further away. It's getting further away.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He goes, ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's what I just did.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That is not what you did.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No.

[Joan Pedestrian]

What if Jigsaw said it?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, Merry Christmas.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That kind of sounded like Kenny Rogers.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Did it really?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes. It sounded more like. It sounded more like a country star.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

In less like 3 hours to have a marriage.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Do you know I have not seen a single Saw movie? And I refuse.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Why do I need to find out? Carrie Elwood on the bottom of a bathroom.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

You know what I like to say?

[Joan Pedestrian]

What?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Seesaw.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I do like to say that. Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Like. Oh, that's what the fans are called. Right? If you. If you. You love Saw, you're Seesaws because you've seen all the saws.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Is that true, Doug?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

That's true. But seesaw is more of a command.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh. What does that mean, seesaw? Oh, you mean, like, see it?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

And then after you walk out, you say.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Hashtag Salsine.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Hashtag saucine.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Hey, whatsine. What? What are you doing, babe? Today you're in it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Babe, of course, is the first to. Doug, our engineer.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Of course.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And he's in a different room every week. And you made it very clear last year that last year. I'm sorry, that's my. As I've explained, I'm renaming my perimenopause as Feminine Overdrive.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

But sometimes it still gets the better of me. And it did just then. We all heard it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We all heard it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We all heard it, baby. You made it clear last week that these.

Rooms are not things you're just happening to always build every time we record. I guess you have.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They're not just for the recordings.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Do you mean to say you have multiple rooms, like, in different. Various stages of construction?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Would that be fair to say?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah. You know this.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think you know because I stopped knowing. I'm sorry. You called me June.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Whoa. Sorry.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I almost said.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I almost called you.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Gotta be in the dug house.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

There you go. In construction.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, the dugout. That's different.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Dugout.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes. He does have a dugout. Is that where you are?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

No.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I like to call you Joan Bug.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He does.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

And so I almost said.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Really sweet. I love it.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I Almost said June bug, which is the source.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And I called Doug Bug.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Why don't you call him Joan Dug?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Usually it's not as sweet, though, when she says it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We basically already did that. When he married me, he took my name.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, that's true.

[Joan Pedestrian]

True.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

That's true. I'm in.

Since the. It's the holiday season.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, Jack. It's just too fast. Couldn't get there soon enough.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

It's not a build a bear. Exactly.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, boy. So what is it exactly?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Tear down a bit.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We don't want to hear. Babe. We don't hear what it's not. We want to hear what it actually is.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

It says Joan.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I couldn't agree more.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Thank you. What is it called?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The people have spoken.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I'm trying to identify the animal that you're building because I'm trying. It's kind of like a naked mole rat.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Wait, what? So wait, you're supposed to guess what the animal is?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

No, it's just. I guess it looks closest to a naked mole rat. Do you know what I'm trying to make the. Do you know what I think it should be animal.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You know what you should do? You should do. Have you heard of this? You should do Build an axolotl. Do you know how big axolotls are with kids and also just like in general. I'll say TikTok has done wonders because of the name. You know what? I became my grandma.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I became Foghorn Leghorn. I say.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'll say it's an axolotl.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Boy, I say.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Secrets and gargles. Secrets and gargles and axolotls have just. I mean, exploded because of the Internet.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Why?

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's true. I don't. People love axolotl, I think because they can grow multiple limbs. They look. They're so non threatening. They're so different. And you want. You want to protect them immediately because they have. No, not me. They have. They have. It doesn't look. They have defense mechanisms. They're see through. And they've got these cute little arms. Arms sticking out of their head. And people just love them.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sounds monstrous.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Nightmare.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, they're only this big. And do you know that they're just.

They're just a salamander in arrested development. That's all they are. And I think build an axolotl would 100 do good business. That's what you should do, babe.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I think it's got to be a different material. Can't be so fuzzy.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, no. People make tons of fuzzy axolotl. Oh, they're everywhere. Yeah, I think you should do it for now. Bert does not care for the face you made. They're not. You don't think they're cute? Oh, they have a little face that's just like, pick me.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I think naked mole rat's pretty cute.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Naked mole rat is not cute.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay, I'm confused.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Have you looked at a naked mole rat? No one wants that. No one's, like, filming a naked mole rat and trying to make a. A movie or a book about it. No, there's books about axolotls. There are. There's one that I bought my twin boys.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Don't get her started.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I bought my twin boys because that. Because as they started to read because they repeated kindergarten or actually fin finished kindergarten, I should say at home with the teacher. Of course I'm talking about my twin boys. Matt and Popping Fresh. And Popping Fresh. I'm so. I read Matt and Pop and Fresh. A lot of books. And there's this one called Axolotl. And you know what it is? It's like the book is just called Axolotl. Okay, no, well, but here's the joke, right? So inside, you turn the page and like, maybe there's like a picture of. Here's something funny about this book. Actually, it's a real book. So it might just say, like, it might have an axolotl with a backpack. And it says backpacks. A lot of. Right. It's like that. And I knew you were gonna be angry. And then you turn the page again and then. Can you think of one? I bet you it's in the book. Can you do one?

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

It's fun.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They're fun to do.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Heart attacks. A lotta.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, I burnt. Although, you know, this gets me to my point. Let's just skip ahead.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Do you know Taxolotl machine?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Do you know what is in there?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Axolotl machine.

What's in there?

[Joan Pedestrian]

And this is real turbotaxolote. One of the pages. There's a guy. Babe, can you give me one second? I know you're loving this game. You are on fire. It cannot be Den. You are on fire. But get the next one in the chamber.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Axolotl.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm sorry, was that Brian Cox from Succession?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh.

I'm sorry. Why are you guys so angry? Babe, I taught you.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Davies.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm sorry, I forgot who.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

He's actually very tall.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

He's actually very tall.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm sorry. I'm not a nerd.

You know what, Jonah? Anyways, okay, whatever you're going to say next, just hold it. Okay, you turn the page and there's literally an axolotl in a little car. But then there's another axolotl, literally in a mask, and it says hijacksolotl. And I am not kidding.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

How do they. What? What are we doing?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I am not kidding you.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What are we doing?

[Joan Pedestrian]

It is ridiculous. First of all, that's car Jacksolotl. I mean, I do have that problem, but it just says hijacks a little. But for children. This is a book for children. And they put that in there. Now, why didn't they go with TurboTaxolotl or Faxolotl? Now, what was your third one, babe? Because I know you were really Cook and Sandy Koufax.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

A lotto.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I'm on fire.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And you said hard attacks.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

A lotto.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Unbelievable. You know, I'm worried that that's the first place.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Unbelievable. When they have hijacks a lot.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You said it before. You knew that to be fair, but.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You knew it when I did say it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I did. So who Judgment.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Say it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All right, let's. Let's. Let's move on from the axolotl.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Joan.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Not lest ye be judged.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Let me ask about Gabby. And let me ask about your upcoming nuptials.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Yes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Our wedding plans.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You are engaged. Can you have an engagement party? I will throw it for you. Because I would love that. You gotta have an engagement party. This is fun.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's a swell idea.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, I love that. You think it's swell. We can have it here in the house. Right, babe?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Swell.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I think that's very nice.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I do think it's very nice.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Absolutely. What's the latest restaurant you built here?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, a Rainforest Cafe.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Rainforest Cafe. Why don't we have it there?

[Joan Pedestrian]

We could totally have it at the Rainforest Cafe.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

It's gone.

[Joan Pedestrian]

What? It's gone?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, like the rainforest.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

It was unsustainable.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, unsustainable. That's too bad. Is there anything there in its place?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Just a lot of, like, kind of shorting out. Animatronics.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, that's not good. Okay, we can't.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Mouths moving.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Just like a five nights at Freddy's situation.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Slightly. Some of them are moving and hiding.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That sounds terrible.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And hiding.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Yeah.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Some of them are moving and hiding.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, you're not saying they're sentient. Don't make things up.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I didn't say that.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You kind of implied it.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I think non sentience can hide and move.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm sorry.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I think nonsense.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think nonsensions can hide and move.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I say, I say, I say. I say.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'll say. I'll say. I think. Can hide. Nonsensions.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Can hide A move more.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Yeah, don't go in the Rainforest Cafe.

[Joan Pedestrian]

O. Okay, fine. I wouldn't even call it that now. All right, fine. We'll have it someplace else.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We could have it in the wine cave. We could have it the ballroom.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Worry about the real bats, though.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No. Oh, yeah, you're right. There are real bats in the wine cave. Fake bats in the cave.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's in the real cave.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I thought we had one where there was fake wine in a bath cave, but we don't have that yet.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That sounds familiar.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sounds like a waste of time. Actually.

We could do that, though. That'd be kind of fun. That sounds familiar.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Fun.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I mean, that's where a lot of people. A lot of people get married in wineries, you know, and then there's like a long. You see a picture of a long table, and all the. All the barrels are behind you. That's fun, right?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's like you're. That's like Gimli getting married with a bunch of barrels all over the place.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, God.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

A lot of barrels figure very prominently.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

In the Lord of the Rings.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Do they? I don't remember that.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, there's the hobbit, of course. They escape someplace by hiding in barrels. All the dwarves and.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, I guess I remember that now.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Not dwarves. Hobbits.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, boy. Guys, we can't get bogged down.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We just can't. Also, we're not a movie podcast.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Casual. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.

Not dwarves. Hobbits. Hubris.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We are not a movie podcast. I want to be very clear.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, we're not.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We're not.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Do we need to keep saying that?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I don't know. I just feel like we bring up movies so much.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We're people. We talk about movies.

[Joan Pedestrian]

People talk about movies. This happens.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Happens.

[Joan Pedestrian]

God, people.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Damn it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes. It's true.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay, leave us alone, everybody.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You know who needs to leave me alone is Mitch McNutt. He sent me another message. This time it was chocolates, and every single one of them had been bitten into.

So for those of you that don't know, I mean, I don't know how you couldn't. Mitch McNutt is my nemesis. Critic. He's the local critic here.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

He's the worst.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He gives me the worst reviews. As. As Bert remembered recently. One of the reviews just said I was a mistake. Me. Joan Pedestrian was A mistake. Not me in the role.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I think that's rude and unprofessional.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And he sent me dead flowers last week and. And a note. And I don't know how he knows that I'm coming up with my show. Oh, Gretel, which is about a famous mayor's wife. A lot like.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, Mary, I thought you were gonna go with all Gretel.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, Gretel. I guess that's right. That's more like Elizabeth McGovern from Don Nabier. Oh, Gretel. Oh, I heard about your show. Oh, I'm so sorry, but it makes me nut.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, he said you. Chuck.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He's such a. He's a real jerk.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Half Chuck.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I hope he gets a fever.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Axolotl.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It's a good one, Doug. Oh, excellent.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Good one, good one. So, yeah, he sent me a box of chocolates.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

He's a demon.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He is. He sent me a box of chocolates. I opened it up. Each one had a bite taken out of them.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's terrible. And do you think he himself.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, I absolutely have his DNA. Of course, you're right. Burt wants to actively kill him.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I want to clone him so I can kill the clone.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

He wants to rip his dick off.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, that's right. You actually did say that.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We agreed.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You did say that, but we didn't.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Want to repeat it to let that go.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, it's not. We're already killing. We're already reaching a strange point with some of our fans, and you read their post that they want to hear more violent scenarios from us.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They do. Three people wrote it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Three people wrote it. I couldn't even. I didn't even let you read the third because the second one was bad. And so I think we need an interesting idea.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The.

[Joan Pedestrian]

The. Ipray Ick.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Day.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think we need to do that.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Doug, what's an interesting idea?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

The violence scenarios. No, it's not Just peppering them in.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, that's not a good idea.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I don't think we should.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Well, some listeners. We should be open.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It was three.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Three that I told.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That is not enough. Oh, no. What. What does that mean? Oh, no, not more violent scenarios. Oh, I don't get that at all. No, I think. I think we don't need to add that. That is not what our listeners come here for.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We don't.

[Joan Pedestrian]

But it is true. I am getting a little bit. This has gotten to a new level of boundary breaking with.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I agree. I agree.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It just makes me want to prove him wrong even more. But it's nerve wracking. I'll tell you what it raises the bar for me.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Should we get the authorities involved because this is harassment.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Not yet. Not yet.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What's it going to take?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think it's going to take. I think it's going to take some sort of online campaign. I really do. I want to destroy the Internet.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You want to destroy.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay. My question is, what's it going to take for you to get the authorities involved? If he keeps doing.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think if he makes an actual physical threat on me, like, you know, he shows up outside my door. Like those people in that move.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

People in that movie.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I don't watch horror films.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The people outside the door.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We know with the visitors. The strangers.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The stranger. Stranger.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Is Tyler in a mask or is.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

She doesn't wear the mask.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I didn't watch it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, the mask people. I watched the stranger. I saw that movie. Really unpleasant movie. And it stayed with me for a long time in a way that I didn't appreciate.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Oh.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

But what happens is three people with masks show up at this remote cabin and they're asking if Christie is there or whatever. Oh, and the, you know, Liv Tyler and the other guy said, no, there's no Christie here.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And I'm sure he's so happy to know that that's how he was.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Scott Speedman.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Oh.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, yeah, that sounds right. Okay, go on.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Doesn't his name sound made up?

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's. Well, it's a great name, I think.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Speed.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Scott Speedman.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Instant speed, man.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

If his name was just Speedman, I would give it up for him. But the Scott in front of it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Give it up for him. What's your name? Is Burnt Mia Payday. Okay. That name is. Is. Is not normal.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I mean it isn't Corsican.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's normal. Not.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Joan.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sorry to make this seem normal. I guess I didn't realize the feminine overd talking.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You were such a Scott Speedman, Stan.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's not commonplace. It's not commonplace. Just like Scott Speedman isn't. Well, you're coming down, but it doesn't sound made up. You're coming down pretty hard on someone with a unique.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Are you saying burnt me up sounds made up?

[Joan Pedestrian]

A little bit. Joe Hand of God. I'm sorry, A little bit. If you're going to ask me.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Bernardette Pedestrian.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Self given nickname. Inside the middle of the other two names.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Self given nickname.

[Joan Pedestrian]

What's that called? A middle name, Middle name.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Self given nickname.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, how about. How long have we been talking? I should stop talking for a little bit.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, I think so.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. All right. Babe, how long we been talking?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Just because I thought Scott's something made.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Up, I felt like running to his defense. I don't know why I really responded.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Because you're an ak.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Because you're an actor.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Overdrive.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, yeah. I'm in overdrive. Let's sit. We still don't have the number 25. Oh, that's plenty of time.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's. Oh, that's more than enough.

[Joan Pedestrian]

More than enough.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

We'll be right back.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Hey, Paul.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Huh?

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's me, Nicole.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Hi.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm sorry I woke you from your nap.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

How did you get in here?

[Joan Pedestrian]

The door was open. You should lock your door when you're napping.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Me?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's on me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All right. Well, here. Now that you're awake, can I at least tell you something? Because I couldn't wait. Listen, the holidays are almost here.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh my God. That's right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

How long? You can't be nappy. You can't be sleeping on the holidays, Paul. And if you still have names on your list, don't panic. And I feel like you panicked a little already, but don't panic anymore. Panic. Not. Uncommon Goods makes holiday shopping stress free. It says Stress Dre, but I know that's a typo.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It does say stress.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I bet you. Cuz Stress Dre. That's not going to help you.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Whatever that either.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No. Stress free and joyful with thousands of one of a kind gifts you cannot find anywhere else. Don't even try. Try it. You'll discover presents that feel meaningful and personal. Never rushed or last minute.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Now, if this is the Uncommon Goods I'm thinking of. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Made in the U.S. yes, it is that same. Uncommon Goods.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, but that's true. Then many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses. So every gift feels special and thoughtfully chosen. Do you have any personal experience with this?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I do. And here's the thing. There really are very clever gifts that are tailor made. They seem tailor made for things like. For example, I have a six year old son and he's very into science. And he's also very into Advent calendars. I already got him a chocolate one. He wants a second one. He can't have that. That's too much chocolate. I'm a good mom. I got him a scientific experiment Advent calendar. There's like a little scientific experiment you do every single day, which I think is kind of a fantastic idea. It's good for your brain and it won't rot your teeth and it leads.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Up to him becoming the fly. Is that correct?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, you hope not.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. From moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers and sports fan to foodies, mixologists and gardeners. The holy trinity. You'll find unforgettable gifts that are anything but ordinary.

[Joan Pedestrian]

When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you are supporting artists and small independent businesses, which I also love. Every purchase is a chance to choose something remarkable and feel good about where your money goes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And Nicole, with every purchase, you make it. Uncommon Good Goods. They give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Aren't you glad I woke you up?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I really am.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So don't wait. Make this holiday the year you give something truly unforgettable. To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongs.com TNL that's uncommongs.com TNL for 15 off. Do not miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods were all out of the ordinary. Now you can go back to sleep. Paul.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Did you know you can opt out of winter with VRBO? Save up to $1,500 for booking a month long stay. When thousands of sunny homes are waiting for you, why subject yourself to the cold? Put the snow shovel down, put the parka back in the closet and don't you dare scrape another windshield. Slip into some flip flops, consider a sunless tan and use the monthly stays filter to save up to fifteen hundred dollars. Book your warm getaway at vrbo.com.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Child'S red fedora hat. New no tag, but never worn. Hey, look, I'm not trying to earnest Hemingway you. My child is still alive, but turns out not cool. It's really a shame. I always thought I'd have a cool kid. And I bought this fedora when my wife got pregnant and I said, I can't wait till he grows into this. Well, his head finally got big enough. But he said, dad, this is dumb and I don't want this.

We don't speak anymore.

Come get this. $12. O B O.

Welcome back to the neighborhood lesson.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, you're doing that Patty Higginbot at the bottom again.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, Pete just wants to say, hey, welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen to Mildred.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Did you say Pete?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, I'm sort of like it was a dedication. Like someone who's dedicated the segment to someone great.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sorry I interrupted.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That doesn't make any sense. You're right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, no, no. Keep Going, let's introduce our guest. Let's get the host.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We will. We do have a guest, as we do every week. We comb the neighborhap, the social networking application for neighborhoods. And we look for interesting people in dignity falls to talk to, maybe amplify their message, maybe ask them questions, maybe hold them to account.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, that last part was a surprise to me.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, but I think that's happened sometimes on the show.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It definitely has. That is true.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And if you see a post that perhaps we've missed, you think we should talk about it? Why don't you screenshot it and send it to [e-mail] like this person did. This was a listener sent this in.

Let me. So sorry. Trying to get the information here. And this comes from Brian Stoner. Brian Stoner. Listener sent this in.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Thank you, Brian.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And this in the crime and safety section. And this was posted by someone named Mike. Mike has enclosed a picture as well. Hi. We just had a guy who looks like he's wearing hospital scrubs and had some kind of neck brace on take our kids Strider bike right from our carport. Here's a picture. Person. Oh, this is a person we're dealing with.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Hair, dark hair. Top purple slash blue shirt. Bottom purple slash blue pants, Other neck brace or towel around his neck.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Wow. Do we get to look and try to determine what we think it is?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah. You know what?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sure I have, because I haven't seen this picture.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You know what almost looks like an airline pillow.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That is. That's a really thick. Whatever it is, it's significant.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

If it's a neck brace, this neck is in bad shape.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, my goodness.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

All right. And here to talk with us about this is. Is. Please introduce yourself.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Hey, there. I'm Omaran.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Hi.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

No relation. No relation to Omaran. Omari.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Omaran. Omari.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, got it, got it, got it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

So is your name Omar? It's not any relation to Omaria?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's correct. I understand it comes up often.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Unfortunately, it does. Is it because you say no relation.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And then we have to. That's right. I like to invite the. I like to invite the bears. Oh, frankly, he's a handsome fella.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sure.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

He's talented.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Absolutely.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And he's got a swagger to him that I wouldn't mind having.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, well, all right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I would say you're almost there, though.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I agree.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You're talking right now.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, thank you so much, Omar.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Am I to take it that you are the man in this picture?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Is it because I look like Him.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, yeah, I am him.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And, you know, I've come for a number of reasons.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay, great.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

To defend myself.

[Joan Pedestrian]

This is exactly why we do this, to apologize.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, defense and apology.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Interesting. I'm. I'm curious.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We don't get a lot of that.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We do not.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

But first and foremost, I think it's important to say, can we all just have bad days sometimes?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You know what? I. I will cautiously grant that, yes, it is fair. Of course. We all have bad days sometimes. Yeah, that's right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It just, you know, I. Now we're obviously, obviously going to hear about your bad day. I'm assuming. Assuming maybe this picture was taken on a bad day for you.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well. Oh, you know, leading up from a bad week.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, now we're getting into bad weeks.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, bad month.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, not a bad. Oh, boy.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's been bad. It's been bad.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Now he's smiling. Laughing when he says that. But that usually indicates it's very bad.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah. Yes.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

But we're getting through it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. Who's we?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, you know.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You know, I. I guess I use the royal we.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Challenge the question.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Fair enough.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I guess I use we in the royal sense so that I felt less alone.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. You wanted that community where we're all just like. We're all just walking each other home.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right. Exactly.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I mean, I'm not familiar with that.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Ever heard that phrase, we're all just.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Walking each other home?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes. You could see it as a little. Sounds nice, sad, but it actually just doesn't sounds nice. It does imply that we're all dying, but.

Okay, so then can you just. Where do you want to start? You want to.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'd like to start with this.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Did you take that bike?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I did take that bike.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And it was necessary.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And I think what's.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Wait, let's hear him out.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And I think what's missing from the photo that you don't realize is There are about 17 other bikes outside of. Okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Really?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I took the child's bike because it was the smallest.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It is still image. That's true. We don't see all the bikes that can be there.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And the smallest bike has the least number of material, least value. Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, go.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, I would argue that the child might say, no, it has a lot of value to me. Stealing something from a child.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The thing about stealing a child's bike when there's 17 adult bikes around is the child will grow into an adult bike event.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, but can we get to why you took it?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Wow. As I said, it was necessary.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, that's the part I mean. Why was it necessary?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Can I also just really quickly so I understand. Okay. I don't know what a Strider bike is.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, thank you. I think. Is it the kind where you just push along because there's no pedals?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

There were no pedals.

Which I was unaware of. But at this point I was. I had to make haste.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay. So you just sit on top of this thing and then you, Fred Flintstone.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Style step of learning how to ride a bike. Right. Because the pedals can be a problem. It just gets them used to being on the bike.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right. And you're praying for hills.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You're praying for hills.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Then you go down the hill. I mean, how do you stop at that point?

[Joan Pedestrian]

You just got to lift up your legs.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, when you're on the run.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

On the run.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, dear. Wait a minute. That slipped in. Well, we're out.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

No, it's. It slipped out and it is true, though. And like I said, I've come here to defend myself. And I don't mind full transparency is what I'm.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, right, sure.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah. I was on the run some from some bad fellas. And I think that everybody would understand that if somebody were on the run. Hopping fencing is stealing a child's bike. It's okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Can we walk it back then to why you're on the run? Can we get to the point why. Why you were on the run?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, yeah, that's an excellent question. Then we'll discuss whether this is a universal thing that people think, oh, well.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The reason I'm on the run is and not am well.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Also, I see you don't have anything on your neck, so you're gonna have to explain what that was all about too.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Excellent come up.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. I'm really glad.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Great.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

So you've heard of sports betting and sports gamble?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, sure, absolutely.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's been making waves, right?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, it has.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's been making a lot of waves. I kind of got into it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I was in. Need some quick cash.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Sure.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

As one.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What better way?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right. And luckily I am a bit of an athlete myself.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, okay. What sport do you. Do you play?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm a semi professional wrestler.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Wrestler, really?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Semi professional, that's right.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

So money's involved, but not at the scale of say, a wwe.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. What's your wrestling name?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I think excellent question. My name. My wrestling name is Ho Malone.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Home Alone.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Is your signature move slapping both sides of your face?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

My signature was generally. Is Me being a klutz and falling about and having things set up around the stage so that I move my.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Inspiration more from the villains of. Rather than.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That makes sense, doesn't it? Because if you're playing a heel. Right. Is that what.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The little boy was? The one who was home alone?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, then my name would have been Kevin McAllister.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's. He's got a point. He's got a point. He's got a point.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's under the umbrella of the whole movie.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It's a shaky point.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It is a point.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I, I, I think it's fun and clever.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Thank you. Originally, I want you. Originally I want to be a drag. Drag queen. A drag star.

[Joan Pedestrian]

A drag wrestler or just a drag queen.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Just a drag queen. But I didn't.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I sure would love to see a.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Drag queen coordination and mostly the rhythm.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Of a drag queen.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

So that would have been a great drag name. Ho Malone.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It would have been a fantastic drag name. Someone's going to take that.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Why wouldn't you go with something like Wet Bull?

[Joan Pedestrian]

That is, that does not roll off the tongue.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Wet.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

But it's not a name.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

But people will remember it, I guess. Well, Ho is not a name.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I met a number of hoes whose.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Name, Whose first name was Ho.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, short for Harold or short for Harold.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Never heard that. As a diminutive feral.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Me neither.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

What? Like Gerald? A Gerald that they go by Joe?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Never heard that either.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Okay, well, I guess we run a different circle.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I should give a famous herald to try it out with, to be honest.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Professor Ho Hill.

[Joan Pedestrian]

There you go.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Job.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think that would have changed the musical a lot. Okay, so hang on a second. So you are Ho Malone. You are a semi professional wrestler. That means you're sort of doing like the smaller venues, the smaller circuits.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right. The indie, the indie scene.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And people are betting on, on you. I mean, it's all sort of. Well, I guess it makes sense. I didn't really ever think about people betting on that kind of wrestling.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, yeah. Okay, you're saying because. Because it's predetermined, Correct.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes. And I suppose if you were in the inside of it, it would. Betting on it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

If you're in the audience, you don't know what's gonna happen. But yeah, if you're on the inside, then sure.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah. So the fellows I was working with.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

For.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You know, they, they wanted me to throw a match that I was meant to win.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, meant to win meaning they said, you're gonna win this one, and then they changed their mind and said, actually, you're gonna lose this one.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I was told that I'm supposed to win the match, and the folks that put the money said that I have to lose the match.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay. So now I. This feels like a. An even more dangerous proposition than, you know, if you're. If you're in a regular sport where the outcome is not determined.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It seems like people are going to notice for sure if you lose a match you were supposed to win.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Everybody. And what was.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I was trying my hardest to lose that match.

[Joan Pedestrian]

What was.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You would have believed.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, really? So what was initially you. Your big finishing move gonna be?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

My big finishing mood. Bowling ball to the face.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Bowling ball to the face. Good one.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I actually. But the weight. Once again, I'm the wet bandits in this scenario, right?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

So I take the bowling ball to the face.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, but somehow this makes you win.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So did you just throw it in your face? Is that what happened?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I throw it in my face, and I end up doing like a moonsault off of one of the. Off the ropes, off the head.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Moonsault.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

A moonsault.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's like a backflip when you jump off the ropes.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Got it.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's basically a backflip off the top ropes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay, that's. I should have put it together from context.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I hit myself in the face with the bowling ball, do the monstall, and I land on top. So that's generally the finishing move.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And is the idea that when the other wrestler sees you hit yourself in the face with a bowling ball, they say, this guy's too crazy. And then they. They forfeit the match.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, is that. Or do they see their moment and they decide just to win anyways? Like. Yeah, how does. How does that work?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, normally, I'm saying, how does this make him win?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Normally, it's me hitting myself in the face with the bowling ball, I'm doing the moonsault, and then as a result, I land on of top. Top of the opponent who's on the ground.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, I.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

There's a buildup to this burn.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So then what happened? The person was not there for you to land on top of. What happened?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, the per. The person was supposed to be there. I was supposed to win the match, and I was trying my dart. So I was hitting myself in the face over and over with the bowling ball. Right. And I was going, I can't go. I can't go. I can't go. The ref's going, you got to finish because. Yeah, you know, you got to win this thing?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sure.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, I, ah. I tripped.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, I tripped on your moonsault.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I tripped on my moonsault and I unintentionally landed on the other wrestler.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

So you ended up winning even though you were trying to throw it?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yes, I was basically concussed at this point.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So. Wait, you really.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Hence.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You screwed it up because you won. Hence the neck. So that was a neck brace.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's the biggest neck brace I've ever seen for a concussion.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah. Well, although the neck brace is a familiar article of clothing in the wrestling scene.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Of course it is.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah. You all are familiar with kayfabe, of course.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm not. I'd love to be educated.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Kayfabe is basically, you live. You're living the role outside of this. Outside of the wrestling.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's the phrase for if you're living the world circle.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Where does that phrase come from?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You know, I have no idea.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, so it's like a verb. You're kayfabe.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm more of a drag race.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I bet it's k. I bet it's. I bet it's like some old carnival slang. It is.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I believe it is carnival slang.

[Joan Pedestrian]

How did you know that? Burnt. Well done.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'm.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You know.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, I know. You're a man of the world.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, I like to think so.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, so. So now you're in big trouble because.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You actually know what a Strider bike was.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm not sure I did either. Okay, so you landed. You. We won unintentionally.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

1. Unintentionally. And I bolted as fast as I possibly could because I.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sure.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Which also probably looked pretty suspicious.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Probably kind of funny. We've got a concussion.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah. I was wobbly.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, dear.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's a lot of wobbling back and forth. Yeah. And I made my way as fast as I could. Could. Away from, you know, the. The men who bet on me. Right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And how many. How many people are we talking about? What is this sort of group of people?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, as most gangs tend to be one. There was one head honcho.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sure. Okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

A head honcho.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And he's got minions. What's the word?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Goons.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Goons.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, sure.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Go.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah. Minions now are too cute. You can't use that word.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You can't use pinions.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You just. You sure can't banana.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Did anyone.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Doug. That's my husband. He's in another room, but that is my husband, Doug.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That was me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, it was. It just sounded like something Doug would do.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, I thought you guys were married.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I Thought you were saying, that's my husband.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, no, Bert and I are not. I'm sorry, babe. Why don't you say hi? And if you wanted to give us a banana, you can, too.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Did you say, why are we not married?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Why not?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, we're just friends.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I was already married previously, before we met each other and started this podcast.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's why, though. Well, you know, sometimes you end up in arranged marriages that you didn't intend to be in. You know, because this is based on the student situation.

That's how I met my first wife.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

First wife?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yes. And only.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, well, we'll get to that in a minute. Doug, do you want to say anything? Okay. Hi. Great.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Hey, Doug. Banana.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Banana.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Don't act like you don't know who the minions are. Babe, you love the minions.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Don't act like you don't know the minions.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Don't act like you don't know the.

Minions.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Would you like to design your own naked mole rat?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, God. This is plush toy he's making. He's trying to make a Build a Bear, but I told you this is what I'm saying thing. It's on everyone's mind to just change.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

An entire build a Bear set.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

They're basically both little pink creatures.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Why not.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Why not have a cute one?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Honestly, you're actually halfway there, babe. They're not that different.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'd say you're two thirds of the way there.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah. Neither one of them have fur. Then you can just. You're gonna add fur anyway, so keep the fur.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

What I do with the buck. Teeth.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Keep the fur. Well, please keep the fur. What do you do for teeth?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, you could rip off on the head, maybe. And those can be the little head.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, what a great, great idea. Fantastic.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Wow.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All right, so. So I don't want to get distracted, but you ran away. What happens next?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, I'm making my. Like I said, it's very similar to, like. What's a good example? Maybe a good time.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

But it was a bad time.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I see. So the opposite.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It was an opposite.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, it was an opposite situation.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah. I'm not sure. What was the analogy?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm not sure why you decided to choose Good Good time in order, and instead you could have just skipped ahead and said it was a bad time.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You heard of the film Good Time?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, I see. That's what he was hoping. We. We. We missed that reference. And, you know, you like to talk about movies.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Robert Pattinson. Oh, basically for the whole movie. And it's exhausting and it's tiring and it's a very.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Is it exhausting and tiring to watch?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's more exhausting and tiring to live.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm sure it is.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This is what these SAFY guys want to do. They just want to make movies about people who are stressed out and then you're supposed to be stressed out.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I was so stressed out.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He was living it.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I was hoping that when I lived. Lived it, I. I was in the midst of it. And I thought this was a lot like good times. I'm kind of in a pickle.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Can I say very quickly about uncut gems?

[Joan Pedestrian]

You mean Uncle John?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, I. I didn't care what was happening to this guy. He's an idiot. He made terrible choices. Why should I get wrapped up? That's your view on.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

If somebody's an idiot, you can't get on their side.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Kind of Burnt is often that way. Burnt is off. And a lot of. Of our guests, I mean.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, that's true.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, so if I'm an idiot, you're.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Not going to say that? We are not saying that. We've done several episodes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We've done several episodes where you're on.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The side of an idiot.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, we. We've done several episodes. Which means every once in a while you're going to get a real character and maybe one who's just not really in a place where they can be helped.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Not saying that's you.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's not you. It's not you. We haven't even really gotten to the full story yet. We haven't gotten the full story yet. Please continue. So you're having a good time.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Time.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You're having a good time. But that's actually a bad time.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, it's actually a bad time.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So I'm on the run.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I get it. Now for a frame of reference.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You know how there's a good time in the movies? Bad times.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's right.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm having a bad time because I'm on the run. So I get into my, my work clothes because during the day.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, you took the time to change your clothes?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, yeah, because I'm recognizable.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. You mean like, do you have a different job during the day? You just mean your street clothes.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, if only semi professional wrestling could pay the bills.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I see. So what do you do during the day?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm a radio radiologist.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Really?

I guess I was under the impression they did make enough.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

To pay the bills. It seems like if you start. Which did you start first? You just took up Radiology. After becoming a. The other way around.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Other way around.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I was looking for some joy in my life. I'm. I hate being a radiologist.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Right.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

But okay, looking at bones all day. You want to look at all day?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I just think, you know, maybe looking.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

At brain screens and insides of people.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

But I mean, how I'd love to.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Look at outsides of people for a day.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, you can still. There's other people on working.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, listen, I still understand. You're probably in a windowless room all day and. And you know, well, there's a big.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Window looking through the. To the mri.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, sure. What I mean is a window there is famously a huge window. That is correct. They're very well known.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

People like to go looky Lou.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

But why did you go?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, I hear when the family stands behind me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, you know what? We do have a weird clinic. That one image where there is a viewing window. People can just stand out on the street and watch you get your Mr. You know why?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Because we were supposed to have one of those portals to another city where you could see people in another city. Did that not go through? It didn't go through. So they just told people, you know what? You can look through this window.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's very invasive. I think it goes against the Hippocratic.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Why did you end up in the field of radiology if you hate looking at inside so much?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, well, I grew to hate the look of inside. Oh.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

How long did it take?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Probably about 10 years.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. You've been doing this for a while.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I've been doing it for a while. Right out of school. I was a NASA assistant radiologist and work my way up until Maine radiologist.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I mean, at this point, the only thing after that is maybe top radiologists. Oh, wow.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's the only rankings.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

But Kenny's too good.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, he's good, is he?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

He's good.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What makes him a superior radiologist?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's the passion.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh. He really likes seeing those bones.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Seeing the insides.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Does that.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You ever seen Kenny on Halloween?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I can't. I have.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Always loving the skeletons all over the place.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He is. Of course he is.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

So does that enable him to take better X rays? If.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Are you telling me that somebody that doesn't love their job isn't going to be better at it?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah. Wait, I follow. That doesn't love their job isn't going to be better at it? Yes. Okay. I follow it. Yes. If you love your job, you are going to go the extra mile, I think.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Absolutely.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, I follow.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

All of that, but I mean, then why isn't it just top rated?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Really hung up on the hierarchy. And that is, to be fair, it is. Because at the. The. The dignity Falls Missy, where he works, they have much fancier titles and way more. So there's like Vcom, there's Duke pharmacist. There's he. He's the pharmacist chief.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes. There's like royalty, kind of.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And now they all can't be on a plane together.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

We just got. We just got assistant, normal maintenance, top.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, I missed normal.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay, so then why. I don't understand.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We have to get to the story burns.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I know, but I mean, why are there those two intermediary levels when you're dealing with.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I think you can go from assistant to top radiologist.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Burn. You're out of your freaking gourd. Yeah, I take your word for it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I guess it would just be assistant to radiologist. That's what I was thinking. Because radiologist means that you are taking the best. You're already taking the best possible. Don't ask me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I. I understand. Here's the thing. I think again, I think I'm correct. Because how can you trust.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

How can you trust the X ray of the main radiologist?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Normal guy's knees burn everybody.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Seem to me he's very used to the. His terminology. And I just think sometimes for him to hear a different terminology from a different workplace, it just. It bothers him.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I got to say, your terminology is. But okay. Equally confuses me because I've never heard of a fake estate agent.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, now wait a minute. That means you just don't even understand the term at all. You. You haven't heard of.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Hey, Joe.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, you haven't heard of real estate, like in that term. Do you know what it means?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Saying he's heard of that, but why estate? What does real estate mean?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

What's the difference? Oh, my estate's real and yours is just estate.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, got me there. He's got me there. I never thought about it. So I guess I have to. I have to. Now, we all have a lot to learn. And learn.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You have to sit and lear.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You sit and lear.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I have to learn. I have to listen and learn.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sit and lear is a dignity falls expression. Of course, that we all know it is. You just have to.

[Joan Pedestrian]

When you screw up, it's like. No, you got to sit and learn. And it's usually in the middle of a street somewhere.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah, we gotta drive around you.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes, that's right. And everyone knows what's Happening what?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Babe, Lear is real backwards.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It sure is. It sure is. And I thank you for that.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You're on fire.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He really. He often is. He often is.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It's actually not. But think about film.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Real.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It would actually be real.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Well, if you say it the right way.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

If you. If. What's that?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

If you say it the right way.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It is. Yeah, if you say it the right way.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, can we please get back to your story?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

My fire is dwindling.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Can we please get back to your story? So you're. You're on the run?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm on the run.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Did you get caught? And at what point. Is this. Is this. Is this the same day that you are captured on this photo or.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Right?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Excellent question.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

But.

[Joan Pedestrian]

But then if that's true, take me through when you got the neck brace.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I do that around here.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, Bert, let's keep it nice. Let's. Thank you. Thank you everybody for the compliments about the question. Can we please get the answer?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Of course. So the. The match was the night before and that I assume is the day after. Okay, I don't know the date on it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Did you make it? Did you make it? Do you. Did you make it home and go to sleep? You were concuss. What happened? Did you go. Where'd you get the neck brace? Did you go to the hospital?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, the neck brace was. There's in.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

In the.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

In a locker room for WWE wrestling. There's neck braces and this.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You can confirm this was a neck brace, not a towel.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

This was a neck brace.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, but did you grab it on the run or did you go back to the workplace and grab it?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, I need.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Later.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I grabbed it. I went into the locker room. I quickly threw on the neck brace.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Cuz my neck was hurting from the brace up.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I threw on.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, the neck brace was not part of the disguise. No, it was necessary.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Necessary.

It was absolutely necessary. I threw on the scrubs, okay. Hoping to disguise myself because these. Like I said, the head honcho man and his minions. Well, not minions, goons. That's right, the goons. They had only seen me in my wrestling attire and a suit once.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Which. What does your.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Suit. Once?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah, one of the goons got married. Wonderful.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Nice. Good for him.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You were invited to the what of a goon. Yeah, that's when things were going well. But wedding wise.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Ah, I see.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

So, okay, what is your wrestling attire as home alone.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, excellent question. So I have one of the beanies that barely covers the Top of an ear.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yep.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And then I do the big trench coat, but just no shirt. Okay, no shirt, no shirt.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And then, because you're gonna rip it off at some point, I'm rip off the trench coat.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Exactly. And often it flies off as I'm slipping and falling.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. Fun.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yes. And then the only other notable part is I always have a. I make up on as if I got a brick to the head.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

To the head.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, yeah. Do you ever. Do I like the iron? That one. I like that one too.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You like the iron?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, yeah, the iron. The iron mark on his face.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I haven't used the iron because it's hot, you know?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, yeah, but you're drawing a brick mark. You could draw.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, yes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, buddy, you thought, well, I can fake this brick mark, but iron mark, people can tell.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

People will know if it's fake. So I. I thought I'd have to do it permanently.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So you grab. You grab the. The neck brace, you're running. What do you do that night?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm. You. You answered it yourself.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'm running. I did.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm running.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You ran all night long.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

I.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

All night long. I ran all night now.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Lord, I heard On a concussion.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I heard them coming.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, you can't go to sleep.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You can't go to sleep.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It's true. It's true.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You can't.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That may as well.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

May. May as well run. I also walk around as far away as I can. So unfortunately, you're trying to find some sleep run.

So there were a lot of neighborhoods about.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sure.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

So I'm hopping.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Fence a lot of neighborhoods about.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We're known for that here.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes. They're all over the place.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They're everywhere.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

They're littered. They're scattered.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We're lousy with them.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We're surrounded by neighborhoods in this neighborhood.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

So I'm hopping fences, going, doing the Ferris Bueller. Doing the Ferris Bueller. Exploring backyards, trying to. Occasionally trying to rest, sir.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You're hopping the fences, then you're exploring the backyard because it might be a.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Good place to catch burn.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It might be a good place to lay down. Lay low for a second.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, shit.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You're getting tired.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I am getting tired, yes. I tried to sleep on a diving board once.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Ooh.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Kid flicked me off.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Was this related to this?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

This happened in the. In the evening. Kid was outside, Flicked you off.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Kid flicked me off.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

When I say flicked you off, what do you visualize?

[Joan Pedestrian]

This?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes. I'm picturing a finger.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The Kid.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's a flick, right? That's a flick.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The kids printed up, bounced on the end. Oh, no.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I see.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And I got flicked off by the diving board. So now you're wet, I imagine. Did you land in the pool?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, I went. I was wet and I got out and I thought, well, actually kind of appropriate.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, sure.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, it sure is. Wet bandits.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Thank God there was water in the pool.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Thank God. I was a little worried there wouldn't be.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

For the kid or for me?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think both. I think everyone involved, I mean, I'm.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Assuming the kid followed through on the dive.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I was flying through the air, so I wasn't paying attention for sure.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So you. Do you run till sunup?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I run till sun.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I run till sun up.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This is going to be a record.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sure is.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I run till sunup. And I think that was maybe a post from early in the morning. Because at this point, I'm able to see stuff and I'm able to get bearings of what's available to me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Because you're sick of running now. You're like, I need better transpo.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I need a vehicle of some sort.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yes. So I make my way to this person's home.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Right. To whom?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm sorry.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's the apology.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's the apology.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Long time to get there.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yep. Can I ask really quick? Why?

What was your plan? Did you have one as you were running? Like, what was your. What was. What was your destination? What?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Great question.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Thank you.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Excellent question. Well, obviously can't go home.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sure. I figure that because they know where you live.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Because they know where you live. Right. So I was actually trying to make my way to my ex.

Okay. Now, we had been separated for a number of years.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Why would you ever go there?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Why would I ever go there? Tumultuous ending, of course.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

So are you thinking that the goons are not going to follow you there because you would never go there?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, I've brought up before how much we dislike each other.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sure.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And what came up at the wedding?

[Joan Pedestrian]

That alibi was already there.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What's her name? Ally. Ally. Oh, yeah. And you say it was a tumultuous ending to your marriage?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What happened?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, she just got sick of me.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That doesn't sound tumultuous.

[Joan Pedestrian]

For him, probably.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It was horrible. What?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Awful.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I think. Tumultuous. I think.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I was sitting on the couch and she came up, she said, omar, I think we're done.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Wow.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm sorry.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's hard.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Terrible. Very sorry. But it doesn't sound tumult.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Did you.

Burnt. Let's not litigate.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Was the worst day of my life.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Up until this day.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, so. So now you. We. I think we helped you piece it together. That the photo was probably taken early in the morning.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Following that evening where you ran all night.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And you've got the neck brace on. You come up on this house soaking wet. It's soaking wet. Which is probably what made it puff up and get bigger.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I think you're right. Is that what happened?

[Joan Pedestrian]

They're not supposed to get wet.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Like a sponge.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's like a sponge. I mean it is a sponge.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Right down to it. It's a sponge.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You. Okay?

So. So did you make. So, so wait. First. So you, you see all these bikes?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yes, I see all the bikes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

18 bikes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Remind me, what was your logic behind taking the kids bikes?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's the least value cuz it's the smallest.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So you thought the kid will grow.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Up to be able to use an adult bike.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, but I'm just going to tell you. I don't understand.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm sorry. You guys would see 18 bikes, one kid's bike and you guys would take.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Listen, I have.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

If there were.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I do identical adult bikes. I love their bikes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It would also be less likely to be noticed.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

True.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Matt and Poppin Fresh were constantly on their bikes. And so I can tell you they were matching that. I could tell you that they'd be really sad.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They used to joust.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's. They would. They would actually joust. They would joust. Yeah, they would actually go. There's this one crazy hill which is Poplar. Poplar Avenue where it goes down a steep hill, but then right away it goes back up again. So they get on either side for a while. They get on either side and at the bottom they were going to meet the Big Dip. Yeah, they called the Big Dip and that's how they jo. They both were. They both got. They were on their strider. So they just lifted up their feet came down at huge speeds.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Holding javelins.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm certain I was stuck in that hill for about 45 minutes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sure.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, I'm sure it's terrible. Forget it.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, I had grabbed the strider and I was just going back and forth.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh no, that's right. Because you can never get enough momentum to get all the way up.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's like one of those volcanoes, putt putt courses, you know?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You know what I'm talking about A double volcano. You're Talking about.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, when there's, like, a hole, but it's on the top of a big mound. So it's like, if you. If you don't get it exactly right, it's gonna go right back down again on the other side.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

But you can't.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

But I mean that you can eventually get. When you're stuck in that dip. There's just no way.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, no. There is no way.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You're like a Newton's cradle.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's right. So. So. All right. I would like you to apologize to the child right now. Is it what I think I'm asking. Can you just apologize to the child? Because I'm sure they are missing their bike.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Hey, child.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

One of those creepy 70s songs. Hey, child.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you here. The bike's gone and it's never coming back.

[Joan Pedestrian]

What happened to the bike?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It got it got it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Got eaten.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Not a great apology.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Second.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, I want to lay the stakes out for the kid.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Now I'm hung up on what actually happened to it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Not a good apology.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's not. But now we have to move on to how it got eaten.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You thought I ate it?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, nobody thought you ate it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He doesn't understand how it got eaten.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Who thought I ate.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Nobody. Nobody.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Maybe this child. Hey, kid.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I didn't eat it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, who did? What did?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The goons had pups.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They had pups.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The goons had pups. And those pups were fast. Faster than the goons. So at a certain point, you're just.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Saying they had dogs. Am I correct? Yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

But I like. But I like dogs, so I call them pups because they're adorable.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Even if they're sort of attack dogs that are being trained to hunt you.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I wouldn't call them.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It's not their fault, Bert.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They were trained.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, so. So how far had you made it to. I'm sorry, your ex wife's name is Ally. Ally. Had you made it to her house on the bike?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Once I got out of the.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The hole.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes, the poplar hole.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The hill.

[Joan Pedestrian]

The hill. It's a real hill. Hole.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Once I got out of the hole, at this point, I was on my way. The dogs had been able to catch up because I was stuck in there for a while.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They were or were not.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

They were able to catch.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Were they just watching you and go up and down, down in this dip?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

They were. I. I saw one of them cackled over, laughing at one point. They did what? They were cackled over.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They were cackled over laughing.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Over laughing.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Cackled.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Over laughing.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah, cackled over laughing.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And. But at this point, they had caught up.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All right?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

So I thought, what's the best way to get rid of dogs or pups?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You throw the bike out.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Is that right?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You throw the bike out.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I mean, you usually. You throw a stick maybe, or like a treat.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

If I had a stick. What I would have paid for a stick. All I had there was Strider bike. I guess I could have thrown the net, the wet neck brace, but they're not going to go after that.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They actually might have.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They might have.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They really might have to look like a toy.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah. I was still using that, I guess, for my head at that point.

[Joan Pedestrian]

For your head? Yeah, it was around your neck for your head.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

So I threw the bike at them and I took off on foot.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

And as I was looking behind me, I saw them eating the crap out of that bike.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Wow, that's terrible. And so you get to Atlanta. Ali's. Correct.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I get to Ali's.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. And what happens? What does she. I mean, what's her deal?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

She can't be thrilled.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No. Is she with someone? Is she, you know, like.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, she's been with someone for a while.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, no. So this is terrible. You're showing up in the middle of the early morning.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm showing up in the early morning. I'm knocking on the door, say, ally, Ally, I'm on the run.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Not a great intro, saying this through the door.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm saying this through the door. She says, what? Come on, she's had it already. Well, she says. And then, of course not again, is what she says.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Is that because you shown up at her door in the middle of the night before?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Because I've been on the run before.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, you've been on the run before? Oh, no.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yes. So you figured I would have had some experience with this, but it was a different type of run.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, you do have experience with it, and you probably shouldn't have done this.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Hey, Bert, all runs are different.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Got you there.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Sometimes you had us. You had to go back. Okay, sometimes, either you had a plane. You had a plane. Plane ticket already, huh? Right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Do you mean a go bag to go bag?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

No.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You'Re thinking of your go bags.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

What do you.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, he had a hobby where he used to just stay up all night and roam around the city, waiting and watching to see if a crime was about to happen.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Like Batman. So I could prevent it. Yeah, somewhat like that. But Batman was looking for people to beat Up. And I was just looking to dissuade people by distracting them. So if I saw that somebody was about to commit a crime, my plan was I would jump out from the shadows and go, hey, hey.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And then they would be like, oh, no. And then they would run away.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And to sustain himself, he let. He hid go bags everywhere, all around town.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, no.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Fresh lunch meat.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Fresh sounds like a to go bag he had.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He's not wrong there.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Where is lunch meat to go?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm sorry.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Between two pieces of bread.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's called shopping.

You know, you don't go. You eat your lunch at the grocery store. Go to the supermarket.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'll have my lunch.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Are going down the. The conveyor belt, you say? And I'll have all this to go.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All right. So you've done this before. You've been on the run before. Did she let you in?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Of course she let me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. Who's she? Who's she with? Who's with her now?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Brian.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, tell me about him. What's his deal?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, he is running for mayor. Failed before.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, ouch.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Failed once before.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Brian Abbertouni.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Brian Abertuni.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's right. He's running again.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

He's running again.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, that's embarrassing.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

What did he get last time?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, he had a bad. He had a bad campaign, saying, don't be a loony. Vote for opportunity.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And it was really annoying. And he had this.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, because he got too many loonies in this dark.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, that's true. People were offended by it. In this dark town.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This dark town, there are so many loonies. And you really want to win that.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It had a weird animated rabbit with swirling, like, peppermint stick eyes. It was like. And it was really. It. Terrified children. Yeah. Jarring, almost kind of like jigsaw. Actually, it had, like, giga jigsaw eyes. Now, that I think instead of on the rouge, he had. Right, but it was on the bat.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Like a candy swirl.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes, yes. But why would you choose that? Choose something that's like, you know, choose an axolotl. You know what I mean?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's where he went wrong. Anyhow, so Brian is a failed mayoral candidate.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yes, that's right. He comes from money.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They all do.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

They all do. And where some of us have to work our way up to a radiologist.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Amen.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Exactly. So I go in there, I say, hey, guys, hide me, hide me, hide me, hide me, hide me. Hey, guys, hide me, hide me, hide me, hide me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

A lot.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, yeah, because I'M frantic at this point.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, you're. I guess.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm giving you the transcript. I could give you a general idea.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I know, but this is kind of fun. I'm really in it. It takes me there.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh great. Brian says not again. He was in the shower.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We could probably skip that.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He was in the shower. Yeah, maybe we don't need. Okay, now that I take it back. Oh really?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Really. Oh, he calls from the shower. Not again.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's really a play by play.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, they were. Okay, can I just give you the number of more not agains?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sure.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

There were three.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay, three more. Great.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

From. From the boys.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Uhhuh. He was up early. He's in the show. Ready to go.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Yeah.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The boys.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Who are the boys?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

My. My. Me and. Me and Ally had a couple.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Couple boys.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, you had children. These are your children. You're a father. Your son.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Father.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's the words.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Do I not give off father any.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Not at all.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And you weren't even seeming to understand what the word is for when you have a child.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

The boys.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That seemed like to you we were using some obscure term of art that you'd never heard before.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, what are their names?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

They are. Well, it's Chandler.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Uhhuh. Ross and Phoebe. Those are your three boys.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Chandler, Ross and Phoebe.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. Chandler, Russ and Phoebe.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, and two of them are twins.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They're named off after.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Two of them are twins.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Two of them are twins and one of them's not a twin.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That would stand to reason.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'm going to say Ross are twins.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You're right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All right.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Have you. I have not.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

How old are they?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, they're five five eight.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Five, five, eight.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Yeah.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It's interesting. You go from the youngest up, but I feel like most people go from the oldest down.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, everybody has it, right?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's so true.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Ali has.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Would have been fun though.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Ali has full custody or do you have a. Oh yeah.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I should hope so.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. I would imagine so.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Why you say it like that?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, if you say you've been on the run several times, that's not a great parental.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Several times.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Several times it's come up.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's going to. In a. That's not going to stand up in a custody battle.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, I didn't want him.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh no.

[Joan Pedestrian]

What?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I. I could have fought for him. I chose not to.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Ally's a way better parent than me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm not going to disagree.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Why did you take such umbrage then? What I said? Of course.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'm on the run all the time.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'd be a horrible father all the time.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I agree.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's really escalated. It's really no downtime. It went from.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It happened.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, not constantly, but when I said I need phrase.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All the time is constantly.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Okay. Well, we. I guess we are learning today that we have different vocabulary.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Is anyone chasing you here?

No.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, okay. If there's someone. If there is someone lurking in my backyard, I will be very unhappy if I see someone in my backyard. I hate. I hate backyard.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, no, not backyard.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Not a lurker.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, this is a new place for me, so maybe they won.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, that's true. You haven't been here before. That I know of. So wait. This must have been kind of rough for the kids, seeing their dad show up in the middle Eight Point Jones.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

They're used to it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They're used to it again.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

That's the first thing they said. You guys didn't let me say that.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Not again. Doesn't mean you used to it.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Now that's an interesting point.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's like you used to. It doesn't. Also is nothing positive. It just means that it's something that they've come to expect, which is disappointment, you know, and that's why they say not again. They're unfortunately used to being let down. I think it's very possible.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Omar.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think it's very possible.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Wow. Omar, you need to right now look at your life.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I agree. It's not good. You know what is sort of of counterintuitive is that his energy is very high and good. And you would think he's telling just a fun story. Started off so something that still. Well, mostly cheerful the entire time. And it almost sort of belies the fact that what's going on here is really dark.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah. And this is.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Kids are disappointed in me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, no.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This is all because you're. Listen, I don't want bones.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Omar. If you had just accepted it, you know. But you know what?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I can't believe how horrible it is.

[Joan Pedestrian]

To use his point. He's gotten used to the bones. And that's in a bad way, right? You've gotten used to it in a bad way. Maybe if there was some joy.

I mean, I would think new bones come through all the time.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

If you took better pictures, don't you think they'd be more interesting to you?

[Joan Pedestrian]

How are they?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

What is the quality of your picture ability of my. My ability to take pictures is unparalleled.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

What?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, then wouldn't you. Radiologist.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

My passion of reading the Bones.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sounds like witchcraft.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It really does. Oh, is there some supernatural element to radiology that we were unprepared for Aber for? Absolutely.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, explain to us how that works.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, because you can read the bones and figure out what's going on. So sometimes you're reading the bones.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Is it like you look at it and you look at your bones? You say that out loud.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Is that what happened on that show Bones?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

They do say, talk to me, Bones. Hey, talk to me, Bones.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Are they talking to Bones when they say it?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Why isn't the main character named Bones?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes. Which drives me crazy. It was. Her last name was Bones. I mean, who can believe that her.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Last name was Bones.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It was.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That can't be true. It has to be a nickname at most. If that character's last name is Bones, I'm gonna burn this place to the ground.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I thought it was a titular show.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I might be wrong.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I might be wrong.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I do. I do think that she referred to as Bones.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I think. I think it's a nickname.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay, okay.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Temperance, Bones Brennan.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Bones and quotes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Temperance is not great. Temperance was her name.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's right.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

She can't be Bones.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

She want to be called Bones.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Or she could have gone by Tones.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Tone.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's what you said.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I said toe.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Toe.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Why?

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Harold, Ho. Gerald, Joe.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, sure. We go.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Absolutely, absolutely. Oh, boy. Is this one of those shows where everyone talked really fast? Fast? There were so many shows like that at that time period.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, like. Like Bones and Gilmore Girls. Very similar. Oh, sure.

[Joan Pedestrian]

There's a lot of crossovers. People talking really fast, and they're just being really funny. They're just like this.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Were they going for comedy?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I had a friend who. I had a friend who lived in LA who auditioned for Scandal one time, and. And she said, literally when she finished, the casting director said, and in a. A very exhausted tone like this, Just talk faster.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Speed it up.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Didn't care about anything else. Just it said, it needs to be as fast as possible. Can you just talk faster?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Just talk faster.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Speed it up.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Speed it up.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I got places to be. We filmed the show in 20 minutes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

They always made their day. They did.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They sure did. Well, friend, I gotta tell you, I am worried about you. And I think that I am worried about you.

You, Omar. Because, Omar, you're a mess. Think that burnt is right. You're a mess. I think you need to take a good, hard look at your life. I think you need to stop being on the run. You can't be surprised, not be shocked. Oh, wow. Okay, so you.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You must know that being on the run constantly and having kids that. That don't respect you.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And in fact, dread you're coming around. And. And the fact that you are. Your. Your life is in danger, I'm assuming.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, yes. At every turn.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You're saying this as if everybody who's on the run constantly is a bad person.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, now you're going to get into the sort of stuff like, oh, he's a marathon runner.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Mission impossible.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Guys. Of course I'm gonna say something to you. I never said you were a bad person. I said you were a mess.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, well, you're the one who called yourself.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I say the same to Jason Bourne.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Well, I wouldn't.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Harrison for the Fugitive.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

He's a mess.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sure, he didn't kill his wife, but he's the best.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I feel like I. I've never felt more like a character than I do like Harrison Ford in the Fugitive.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You've never. Never felt more like a character. You're like.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I've never empathized more with the character.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I see. Okay.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Is that movie good?

[Joan Pedestrian]

It's pretty good, babe. I think it holds up. I think it holds up. It's on television constantly.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

All I remember is I don't care.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's right. Oh, wait. Can we do the three? You've got to know more. Sometimes we like to do Burns 3. When it's a movie that Burn says he barely remembers, he can usually recall three items from it. We've done this. Back to the Future. We've done it with Mrs. Doubtfire. Okay, so, number one, you remember.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I don't care.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I don't care. Number two. Shoe polish, hair dye, shoe polish, hair dye. Good one. Yes.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Oh.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, that's good. I'll. I'll take.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Come on.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'm hot on the heels of. It's hot on the heels of I don't care. It's the. He dives off the drain pipe. Yeah. Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, yeah, but it. But it is that the fall.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

So close.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I know, but the fall is a specific visual, and the other one's a line. Is this the.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

You saw on tv? TV a lot?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, I saw it in the theater. Oh, you saw the theater.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You didn't know anything but prosthetic limb. That means nothing to you?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, no. Well, I know that. Of the general TV show.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. Oh, sure.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

How do you have some kind of.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Trial here accusing Bird of not caring about prosthetics?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm saying give yourself more.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Nothing to you.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You knew more about it than you let on that was a fourth thing.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Okay, okay. I wasn't denigrating myself for not remembering much.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

What seemed like two.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, wait. Look. You've gotten us off, all right?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Don't you get involved.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You've gotten us off. Wait a minute.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Don't turn the table.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We're not a mess.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Are you talking about to me or to burn?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, no, no.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Everyone say you're a mess. It's you.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You're a mess.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You're a mess.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You know what? You know what? Help.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Help me.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Help me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Help me. Help me.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Help me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

There's a guy in the backyard. There's a guy in the backyard. What do we do? Is this guy after you?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No. Get down. Get down below the window sill.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, no.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And here's what we're going to say to you. Okay? Okay.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Help me.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, which. Trying to.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You have to strain your life out. How much do you owe these guys? Oh, God. Or how much do they lose on this wrestling match, which is weird that anyone's betting on.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

$96.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Are you kidding me? Omar, you have to get out of here right now. And it will be a pleasure to watch.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Please leave my house. Please leave my house. Please leave my house right now.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Can you guys believe Brian didn't give me $96? She.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Get out of. Unbelievable. Right now.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Get out of here.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We have to go the little bikes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, we don't.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, we don't. You cannot take the twin bikes. Just. Just please leave.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

You say, Doug, he asked for little bites or bikes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Bikes, Bab.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

I'll take little bites to go. Can I take little bites to go?

[Joan Pedestrian]

You do not have anything to go. You just need to go.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Okay?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We'll return when the neighborhood liston returns without Oma.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Hi, y'.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

All.

[Joan Pedestrian]

This is Brandi, and I am giving away Grinch. Nope, I'm not giving them away. I just remembered I want to charge you $8 for these Grinch 19 inch Christmas stockings set of personalized green Christmas stockings with fluffy trim. Now, I know what you're gonna say. You're looking at the picture and it says, but, Brandy, these first of all, look like they're made of paper. Second of all, they look like they're made by stock students. And. And why would you say that? Well, because on top of some of these stockings, it says Ms. Marriott, Ms. Eileen. Then the names are Clementine, Yaya, Joshua, Max, Alba, Harper, Otto, and Jordan. Now, I know you're gonna say brandy, these. These were a project for your kindergarten class. And I would say, bah, humbug. To you. Absolutely not. Yes. It looks like they were Gl. Glued to a wall. Don't worry about that too much. Some of them are bent. Absolutely. That's just so they look lived in. And you can absolutely put these stockings on your feet. These three dimensional for sure. Not used by a student or made by a student. And no student is wondering where these went for $8. Please.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Welcome back. Boy, oh, boy.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You know, again, I'm. We wanna. I wanna apologize for listeners in case that was a little hard to listen to. It's a little scary when we get people on here that maybe are criminals.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I feel like it sets a dangerous precedent.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, you're right. The people who want the violent scenario.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, apologies.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Oh.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay. We'll cut that part out. No, just kidding. Okay.

I just, you know, it's a little jarring, I'm sure to sometimes hear that we have a potential criminal sitting at this kitchen island. You know, Criminal. He absolutely is.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

He admitted to crimes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I mean, that's. But you know, those were back to back people. One who probably committed a murder and another one who is just in constant trouble, you know?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So that's really hard.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, it's hard. It's really hard when you think, well.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Because you don't need know who you're going to get. We don't know what these people are going to say, Joan.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Isn't that the scary thing? Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm letting them into my home.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

How many murderers do you think you're walking around every day?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Oh, gosh.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I sure hope that's not the question I want everyone to take away from this.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I hope there's not murderers.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I've just sor. Oh, please don't be a murderer lurking in my backyard. Can't take it. Don't be a lurking murderer.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, I. I really hope that Omar.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm just worried about.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

He's brought to justice. I know the kids have. They've been through enough.

[Joan Pedestrian]

They sure have. Oh, boy. I was really surprised he had three.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Who's betting on professional wrestling?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Semi professional wrestling.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Semi professional wrestling at that, I guess.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You know what? He really kept talking about drag. So I think he really wants to be a drag queen.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

He missed.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I feel like you should call that passion.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Absolutely, absolutely. He had such a great.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So much better for me to have a community.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes. You can't. I don't think you can throw a drag race. Right?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I don't know.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Are people betting on drag races? That would be interesting.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, my God. That would be kind of interesting, actually.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

All right.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Babe. Well, hang on. Let's just check in.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, yeah, sorry. We do have to check in with Doug. Almost a dick in with Chug.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Now you're. Now you're like me. You're. You got the overdrive. Where were you again, babe? I can't remember where.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Doug, where are you?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Where were you? Where are you?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Build a naked mole. Rat shot.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Nature.

[Joan Pedestrian]

What do you think about. What do you think? Build an axolotl. What do you think about that?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Well, here's the thing. I took your advice.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, good.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I've tried to convert it into an axolotl, but I think it's more like a gooey duck.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Now, Duck.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Do you think kids.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, it's not a duck.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Wait, what did you say?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Do me a favor and Google gooey duck. No, I think it is kind of.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Like doing yourself a favor.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Geoduck.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All right.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, they have nothing to do with. With ducks. When you see this thing, the last thing you'll think of is.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I know. I. I've seen it before.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Kids might like it, though.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Sounded like you weren't. This isn't like.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

This is for the kids.

[Joan Pedestrian]

So. Wait, what did you say, babe? What did you say?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What Kids, by the way?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

What do you mean, what did I say?

[Joan Pedestrian]

You said. I didn't say duck. What did you say?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Gooey duck.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You did say gooey duck.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm so confused. He said. He didn't say duck.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Does not. A gooey duck. Is not a duck.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

It has nothing to do with.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I know that. That.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Joan, this one's on you.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Thank the Lord.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I don't understand what's going on.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No, you don't. That's what we're saying.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Well, I said I don't like that idea, and you got mad.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

It's not brilliant idea so much as that's what it ended up looking like.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I understand.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And I was just like, oh, that's not good. What's the problem here? And I understood. What? And then. Then you went, no, I didn't. That's not a duck. You just really thought I didn't understand. Understand. You were.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

You just.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, you said it was a type of duck.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I did. I did think for a second.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's important to the story.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

The part where we're right.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

God.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Doug, Doug, Doug, that's not helping you.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sorry.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

No. No one needs that.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I'm trying to relish it just a little bit.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Calm down, babe. What I said, what I meant, my mate. What my brain meant to say was, it is a real Thing, Right. A gooey duck's a real thing. But instead what came out is, it's a real. It's a duck, okay? And I realized that was my mistake.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Understood.

[Joan Pedestrian]

This is feminine overdrive, you guys.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This is feminine overdrive in all its glory.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Jaliahpe screamed when she walked in here.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, yeah, that's right. She's back home.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, she's back from Australia.

[Joan Pedestrian]

She's never gonna go again. She got her heart broken. She got her heart broken by a farmhand?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, by a farmhand. How. How long? They had a. They had a fling. They had a.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It wasn't. No, I mean, that's why she went back down there. She didn't tell me that in the first place. Of course not. Because I was like, this is something you already did. Haven't we already done this before? This is. This is we. We. This is retread ground. But that's why she ended up going back.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Do you think the kids that are sentenced to Outward Bound ever go back to just do it for fun?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Can you remind me what Outward Bound is?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Here's all I know about it, okay? It's something. Something that if your kid is having some sort of problem, dear, they're like, here's what you got to do.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, God. In the woods.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah. Go climb stuff.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh, boy. I'm not saying that's a bad idea, but a lot of these things are connected with some not so great people.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah, that's what my fear is that it's. It's not quite a boot camp, you know, but it's not great.

[Joan Pedestrian]

We sent the boys to Inward Bound and that was just. Can you stay inside a house for a day?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Could they do it?

[Joan Pedestrian]

No. Oh, but they were tricky. They didn't leave the house. They just burned it down.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

There's always a loophole.

[Joan Pedestrian]

There is a loophole.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

There's always a loophole.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Technically, the house left them.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Exactly.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's what they probably said at the trial.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Anyways, they're lying on. The point is, I know a geod duck is not a duck.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That is the point.

[Joan Pedestrian]

A gooey duck.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And if you remember anything. Why is it gooey instead of Geo?

[Joan Pedestrian]

I don't know.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

One of the problems.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I don't want to look at problems with these guys.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Does.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, they're hideous.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Some people eat them, but the. The kids might like it. I'm going to go with it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, no. Do the ex.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

A holidays.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That's not a holidays.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I can't turn a dentist voice.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That sounded like your commercial for The.

[Joan Pedestrian]

The holidays.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That did sound like the commercial pedestrian. It's the holidays. You know what that means? Gooey ducks. Build a gooey duck.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Speaking of the holidays, I do have a post related to the holidays.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'm sorry, hold on.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

How many have you made? We gotta get rid of them.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Oh, there's hundreds at this point.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Why are you doing this?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Well, I gotta test it out.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

How many?

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

So everyone gets to design their own geoduck. Oh, that's the whole builder concept.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Started as a naked mole rat.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, you made hundreds before you realized. Actually, these are more like gooey ducks.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

I tried to turn the naked mole rat. I tried to. I tried to make a bear. It looked like a naked mole rat.

[Joan Pedestrian]

How this all began.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You remember you tried to make a bear that.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Look, here's what I've read about. About business. The best business minds.

[Joan Pedestrian]

This is what he's read about. Business burnt.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Keep in mind, I'm a pretty successful business mind with my Doug Pegs.

[Joan Pedestrian]

With this Doug. I give you Doug, very rich, very early on, because he patented Doug Pegs. Looking at a baby carrot. He realized that would go right into the hole of a furniture.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Piece of furniture and assemble it without Doug.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

So they say, you know, it's kind of like a roll with the punches thing.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Oh.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

If you have an idea, you try to make it. Maybe in the process of making it, it kind of. You think you're happy for that.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Happy.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

This actually works better as a gooey duck or whatever it is.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Sure.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Fill in the blank. But. So the axolotl.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I did not.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Here's the one I'm gonna offer.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Leave it blank.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Here's my one quibble with what you just said.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Okay.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You said you made hundreds of them.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Yeah.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

So that's not.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Well, with each round, you know, each.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Test after what you're saying is at some point the mistake. That's not going to happen. If you haven't found. Had a eureka moment. It's not happening.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'm going to say if you get to 50. That's right. And you haven't done the thing you're trying to do. You can't do it.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Nope. You can't move on.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

That's what I'm saying. The axolotl is not going to work out. Let's settle for gooey dust.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It doesn't sound like you tried.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Let's try to move.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This does not sound like you tried very hard. Doesn't sound like you tried very hard.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All right, I'm going to read this post now.

This is Quite a testimony. Okay. Is that part of it? Nope.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, okay.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I'm just kind of describing it.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

That would be quite an opening.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

It would be for a social media post.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This is quite a testimony.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Quite a testimony. This is from Scarlet. It says, this year I was determined to have the very first decorated house on my entire block. She sounds fun. I didn't want to wait until everyone else had their lights up. I wanted to kick off the season with something, one or the other.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

You see somebody else's lights coming. Now I have to wait for everybody else.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I wanted to kick off the season with something bright, warm and festive. The moment December began. I mean, this is. She's. She's pretty aggressive about the holiday cheer. That's why I called Chester and I'm so glad I did. It goes on. He showed up with the kind of confidence and creating creativity that instantly. Sorry. That instantly told me I had chosen the right person. I explained that I wanted my home to stand out early.

And he walked around with me pointing out the spots that would glow beautifully and create that perfect holiday charm. His ideas fit exactly what I was hoping for. As soon as he started installing the lights, I knew this house was about to look special.

Chester took his his time, lined everything perfectly and.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Hang on.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Gets paid by the.

[Joan Pedestrian]

The creative. The creativity that instantly told me I had chosen the right person. I explained that. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I just. I had. I did a thing where I took two pictures. Sorry. His idea fit exactly what I was hoping for. As soon as he started installing the lights, I knew this house was about to look special. Chester took his timeline everything perfectly and made sure the glow was warm and elegant when he switched everything on.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The glue is warm, but not quite elegant. Let me try a few more things.

[Joan Pedestrian]

When he switched everything on, my whole yard lit up like the season had officially begun. Right there at my doorstep. God damn it. I added the. Goddamn it. But it was implied. The best part was seeing neighbors slow down as they passed by, noticing that my house was the first one shining. I felt proud, excited, and more than ready for the holidays. And Chester made it happen. And I highly recommend it for Christmas light installation. And there's a picture it. Honestly, it looks like barely anything was done. It's just some white lights.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Wow, this Chester is really running a sweet racket.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Could have been done. This could have been.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What was she doing before two hours?

[Joan Pedestrian]

Look at the close up. This is truly the most basic colored lights. They are just. It's one single string of white light.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Outlining a Garage door.

[Joan Pedestrian]

There are no other decorations.

Decorations. Not a wreath.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Oh, Chester.

You made it elegant and warm.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Elegant and warm.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

This is.

[Joan Pedestrian]

And she thinks. She claims this is the beginning of the holiday season.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

She's claiming that people slowed down.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Slowed down to watch what? It just looks like regular lights, maybe that are on for security reasons.

It is unreal. Also, I mean, I have questions about Chester. You're right. He's running a huge scam for women who just have decided they need to pay someone to do. Absolutely.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I mean, do you think there's more of her. More Scarlets out there? And Chester's like, it's really quite simple.

[Joan Pedestrian]

But also the way she talks about Chester. Is Chester just some dude who's like, you know, the hot. The hot cable guy, the hot plumber.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Chester? I don't think so.

[Joan Pedestrian]

That's not fair.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I think. I believe in nominative determinism. And I think if you name a baby Chester, you will never be hot. Wait a minute.

[Joan Pedestrian]

You can't say that.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Wait a minute.

[Joan Pedestrian]

What is that from.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The weight. From the weight.

[Joan Pedestrian]

The weight.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Remember Rhubarb Caravan did that.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Oh, wait a minute.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

We auditioned each of us to sing that part. Who could sing it?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The most coveted part.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

The most.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

The weakest. Who had the weakest voice. Voice for that part?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I mean, I would have taken a shot at that.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

Oh, yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Crazy.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

There's just a couple.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Crazy.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

Not really.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

You can join us.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yeah, let's just go back. As soon as he started installing the lights, I knew. How.

[Omaran (Ho Malone)]

How.

[Joan Pedestrian]

How is that possible with what these lights are? Because again, this was.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This gets into My question is when.

[Joan Pedestrian]

He switched everything on. That makes it sound like this is a Griswold house. Everything.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Yeah.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Yeah.

[Joan Pedestrian]

By that she means a one string of lights.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Absolutely. Yes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Unbelievable. She's delusional. She's crazy.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I'd be surprised if there are more than two plugs involved.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I don't think there are. I don't think there are the. That big. Maybe we'll put it. We'll post it. It's a smaller. It's a smaller two story house, but really not that big.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

If it was a Griswold situation or to be honest, a Corn situation. Maybe it was. Maybe it was just in a huge ball of tangled. Yeah, maybe the, the work was untangling the ball of lights.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I guess. But here's the other thing. Here's the other thing.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Making it sound like Chester is somehow aeronautically figured out.

[Joan Pedestrian]

No, he says he showed up with the kind of confidence and creativity what creativity did it take to walk around and go, what I say, string white lights there. String white lights there. Done. That's it. That's all it was. That was the pitch.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This is my question is what was she doing before.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I know what the.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

What happened?

[Joan Pedestrian]

This is how bad she is at decorating that she's gotten so bitter about it that she really can't do anything. And this guy showed up and. And she thinks he's the second coming of Christ.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Were they just in a ball in her front window and she just plugged them in the living room?

[Joan Pedestrian]

She just had no idea. What.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Why is nobody complimenting me?

[Joan Pedestrian]

She just put the box of lights out in the front. That's it. That's all she thought you had to do. Oh, Scarlet, you are like, you idiot.

But happy holiday, Scarlett.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Of course.

And happy holidays to all of you. What is.

[Joan Pedestrian]

I think we're right in that. We're right smack dab in the middle of the holidays. I think.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I think we are. Let me, let me take a look because this is coming out pretty soon.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

We're in laundry December.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

We're in long, long December. Yeah, we're in long December. But yes, we wish everyone a happy holidays. We have. We have more time to say it. We'll say it over the next few episodes.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Yes, we will.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

Well, thank you so much for listening. If you'd like to hear ad free versions of the episodes and gain access to our bonus content, go to cbb world.com and sign up with the Maximus tier. That's where you get that.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Wow. What happened there?

[Burnt Mia Payday]

I was having fun.

[Joan Pedestrian]

It was fun.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

And follow us on Instagram where you can see pictures of the post. If you want to see Scarlet's absolute basic bitch house, you're welcome to go look at that. And we'll be back next week with another episode. Until then, goodbye and bye.

[Joan Pedestrian]

All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins and me.

[Doug (Engineer, Joan's husband)]

Nicole Parker, and me, Brett Morris.

[Burnt Mia Payday]

This episode's guest was played by Waleed Mansoor. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[Joan Pedestrian]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maxima subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.

[Paul F. Tompkins / Nicole Parker (Ad voices)]

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