Gayle King's Departure Denial, SJP's Pipe Dream, and Kristen Bell's Troubling Marriage

Summary

The Nerve with Maureen Callahan

Episode: Gayle King's Departure Denial, SJP's Pipe Dream, and Kristen Bell's Troubling Marriage
Date: November 5, 2025
Host: Maureen Callahan

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Episode Overview

In this fiery and unsparing episode of The Nerve at Night, Maureen Callahan dives into three high-profile media stories: Gayle King’s protracted (and delusional) exit from CBS, Sarah Jessica Parker’s absurd “if I weren’t famous” fantasy, and a deeply troubling dissection of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard’s marriage and parenting. Callahan delivers her trademark blend of cultural criticism, sharp humor, and skepticism, serving up both scathing opinions and evidence on why these celebrities deserve the critique.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Gayle King's (Inevitable) Departure from CBS

[04:47 – 38:00]

• Spotted Leaving: TMZ caught Gayle outside the CBS studios in Manhattan, where she denied rumors with an overlong, self-assured defense. (“All I can say is… what I'm hearing in the building is not what I'm reading in the press. And what I'm not going to do is negotiate in the media.” – Gayle King, [13:09])
• Maureen’s Take: Callahan skewers Gayle’s delusion, noting the clear signals from CBS and widespread leaks to tabloids about her contract’s end in May 2026.
  • “It's not. They're firing you, Gail. And they're not. She's so delusional…They love the job I'm doing so much that top brass is leaking...that they're firing me.” ([15:00])
  • On Gayle’s Instagram bravado: “She's so cool. She's not getting fired. But then… she's out of her mind.” ([17:20])
• The Oprah Relationship: Callahan discusses Gayle’s dependence on Oprah’s influence and questions the real nature of their friendship, referencing moments like Gayle tying Oprah’s shoe and being sidelined at red carpet events.
  • “Gail's the help. This evening. Gail is meant to stay out of the way while Oprah gets her moment…” ([22:31])
• Why She’s Really Out: Unrelatable social media, VIP hobnobbing, and being “supreme mediocrity” as a journalist are cited as cause for CBS’s disinterest. Maureen anticipates an earlier departure than the contract suggests.
• Memorable Quote:
  • “You know where you're gonna experience…a new foreign extraterrestrial to you terrain? You’re about to go to the unemployment office. Have you been?” ([38:09])

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2. Sarah Jessica Parker’s ‘Diplomat’ Fantasy and The New Yorker Festival

[40:31 – 34:36]

• The Festival Appearance & Image: SJP is described as “like a lion” with “a mane of hair that just women in their 60s don’t have…full of extensions” ([42:14]). Callahan quips that Parker wants to “beam enlightenment.”
• The Mini Interview: SJP expressed a desire to join the Foreign Service and “do the work at our embassies so beautifully for so long.” ([27:55])
  • Callahan's Mockery: “She's such a moron. I just want to be doing…the grunt work that our embassies have done so beautifully for so long. Listen sister, there have been a lot of morons who get ambassadorships.” ([28:30])
• Kim Cattrall Flashback: Clip of Kim Cattrall on SJP’s lack of warmth—“I just wish that Sarah had been nicer.” ([29:59])—contradicts the diplomatic ideal SJP claims.
• Subway Book-Reading Nonsense:
  • “If you are doing anything other than standing with your back to a pillar—a map, anything—on a subway platform…you are playing with your life…She doesn’t even know what she’s talking about, this woman.” ([31:12])
• Memorable Quote:
  • “She's a mean girl. And you can see the disparity again in this New Yorker Festival…” ([41:55])

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3. Kristen Bell, Dax Shepard, and a Disturbing Look at Their Marriage

[79:09 – 86:00+]

• Instagram Scandal: Kristen Bell faces backlash for posting a “Happy Anniversary” to Dax Shepard, crediting him for “never killing” her, a jarring joke during Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
  • “I think it's strange that a spouse…would joke about being heavily incentivized to murder their spouse, as so many people have throughout history.” ([52:15])
  • After the post, Bell cancelled a Today Show appearance, signaling the seriousness of the backlash.
• Callahan Builds Her Case (“Criminal Cultural Prosecutor”)
  • Bell and Shepard are “really dark people” and “bad parents.”
  • Bell’s show “Nobody Wants This” dissected for its “darkness,” unacknowledged by the creators. She compares Bell’s performance to a battered spouse rather than quirky comedy. ([58:38])
  • Dissects controlling/borderline abusive behavior by TV husband (“the hot rabbi”): “If I had a friend who was dating a guy like this, I would be having a little come to Jesus.” ([59:22])
• Real Life: Parenting Anecdotes from Podcasts
  • Children allowed to sleep on the floor of the marital bedroom; anecdote about a disgusting smell traced to a 10-day-old protein shake poured into bed equipment—“Dax, frankly, sounds hygienically disgusting.” ([69:50])
  • Bell describes a marital fight so severe “they both blacked out” and didn’t talk for days, causing Callahan to speculate about possible physical escalation and the impact on their children.
    • “This is a very dark house that is parented by two, in my opinion, very dark, very immature, very selfish people. And that sounds, again, to me, it sounds like that fight may have gotten physical.” ([74:26])
• Parenting “Hack” – Locking the Child’s Bedroom Door:
  • Bell admits to locking their three-year-old daughter in her room at night from the outside, which Callahan describes as horrifying, dangerous, and sufficient reason for CPS intervention.
    • “That is a fire hazard. That is—that child could get hurt in that room, and you would never, ever know it…Great parenting, Kristen and Dax. I hate you both.” ([75:16])
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “These two are assholes. They hate their kids. My theory.” ([68:58])
  • “If I have my way, CPS is getting a phone call. I'm not kidding.” ([51:25])

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Memorable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Gayle King’s Exit
  • “She's so delusional. They love the job I'm doing so much that top brass is leaking to Page Six and every relevant media outlet that they're firing me.” – Maureen ([15:00])
• On SJP’s Diplomat Aspiration
  • “There have been a lot of morons who get ambassadorships. Caroline Kennedy is one…So to just assume that everybody in foreign service is like brilliant, you’re a fudgeing moron.” – Maureen ([28:30])
• On Kristen Bell’s Parenting
  • “That is a fire hazard. That child could get hurt in that room, and you would never, ever know it…Great parenting, Kristen and Dax. I hate you both.” – Maureen ([75:16])
• On Modern TV ‘Asshole Protagonists’:
  • “There is a permeation of assholes. Is that a word?...There are all these shows where the characters are out and out assholes…But it's presented as normalized, if not quirky behavior, and it's not.” ([54:01])

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Listener Feedback and Celebrity Mini-Roundup

[34:39 – 51:00]

• Listener Letters: Callahan reads and responds to fans about Jason Bateman's possible off-putting on-air persona, Kelly Ripa’s morning show tenure, Michael Strahan’s talent, Glenn Close’s acting, Apple Martin’s singing, and more.
  • On Bateman: “I've always sensed, like, a rage with Jason Bateman, like, just below the surface…”
  • On Kelly Ripa: “We all knew it was inevitable that Kelly's husband Mark would end up alongside her. He is a talentless hack.”
  • She shares her appreciation for audience “troublemakers” and promises more deep dives.

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Episode Structure & Flow

• Opener/Snacks/Jokes
• Segment 1: Detailed, mocking breakdown of Gayle King’s CBS departure, including analysis of corporate statements and Gayle’s Instagram self-delusion.
• Segment 2: Recap and critique of Sarah Jessica Parker’s festival appearance and cultural out-of-touchness.
• Segment 3: Listener emails and celeb mini-roundup (e.g., Jason Bateman, Kelly Ripa).
• Segment 4 (Main Event): An extended, sharply critical investigation of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard’s marriage, public persona, and problematic “quirky” stories about family life.
• Sign Off / Next Episode Tease

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Tone and Style

• Caustic, witty, relentless: Callahan spares no sacred cows and repeatedly emphasizes the importance of shame in culture (“Shame is a very healthy evolutionary adaptation…revive it”).
• Deep skepticism: Questions celebrity authenticity and reflects on broader cultural decline.
• Engaged with listeners: Reads and values audience feedback, integrating it into the show’s fabric.

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Summary

For anyone who hasn’t listened, this episode encapsulates why The Nerve stands out—Maureen Callahan fearlessly calls out the performative, out-of-touch, and sometimes downright dangerous behaviors of media elites. With precise evidence, pointed commentary, and plenty of memorable zingers, Callahan delivers a blistering cultural reckoning—leaving listeners both entertained and, perhaps, a little more cynical about celebrity self-presentation.

Transcript

[A]

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Now, her future at cbs. I don't think there is a future for her at cbs, but Gail is delusional and we're going to get into it. Marlena says that we may as well just say, houston, we have a problem. And I think that was brilliant. Plus, we have your emails and we have a mini celeb roundup. By the way, there's another August, highly literary publication. We think there. We think there's a faction of nerve fans over there. And I'll tell you why. There's proof. There's proof. And then we've also got. We're going in. You know, Kristen Bell caught a lot of shit last week because she posted something very tone deaf. It was October, which I didn't know is apparently it's Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And you know how we feel about that here at the Nerve. We've taken Bill Maher. He's still living in the woodshed over what he has to say about women who are victims of domestic violence and those who manage to survive it and what makes us survive. You know, I could go on. Anyway, Kristen Bell posted something to Instagram that did not land well in the culture. And I. I thought, you know what? This is. This is a perfect time to go in on what pieces of shit I think Kristen Bell and her husband Dax Shepard are. And I think they're bad parents. I think they're really dark people. And like the criminal cultural prosecutor I am, I'm going to present you with the evidence. Okay. And yeah. So grab your beverage of choice depending on what time zone you are in, the nerve at night, if you are, if you are here with us in the eve, have a cocktail or a mocktail. If it happens to be daylight hours, grab your coffee or your tea or your beverage of choice and let's go. Did you know that chips and fries were cooked in tallow until the 90s when big corporations replaced tallow with cheap processed seed oils? Now those oils make up about 20% of the average American's daily calories. And studies have linked this stuff to inflammation and to metabolic problems. 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And little did I know how close I was to predicting what seemed to me an obvious eventuality during the Halloween episode. If you may recall, I took, I answered the black skull phone. There was, there was a call coming from inside the woodshed. Gayle King wanted out of solitary. I said, fine, let her out. She's about to get fired anyway. She may as well enjoy what little time she has left, you know, professionally speaking. And lo and behold, word leaked late last week that she is out at cbs, at least at CBS mornings, Bari Weiss has taken over CBS News. She's taking names. Heads are rolling. Gail and her wigged head, her be wigged head. I believe she's wearing a series of very cheap ratty wigs. I do, I don't think bangs are her best look. And I think Michelle Obama would like a word because why isn't Gail being using her Natural hair. Why is Gail succumbing to racist America like that? Now, now, TMZ caught Gail outside. She's earthbound. Now, they caught her exiting the CBS studios in Manhattan last Friday on Halloween day. And this is very fitting because this is Gail's worst nightmare, okay? Getting turfed out at CBS News. And it's. You gotta watch the video. You can listen to it. You'll get the whole thing. But what's great about this is the CBS News studios are down right on the corner of, like, 11th Avenue in Manhattan, and it's there at 57th and 11th, and it's a very wide corridor, and the Hudson river is right there, and it is a wind tunnel over there. It is never. Not super windy. I dread going over there. And TMZ caught her. They were waiting for her outside, and they asked her. They asked her. And then they. They put the video up with this headline, which I loved. Gail King, colon, if I'm out at cbs, say it to my face. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. Which is not how these things go. Not at that level. Okay? Now let's. Let's. Let's look at Gail and listen to her answer this question. Go ahead. Hi. Good morning, Ms. King. Nice to see you. Good morning, too. How are you? So good. It was very, very shocking to see those reports yesterday. They were all wondering if you might be going in another direction. Do you have an answer? As of yet, no. All I can say is this. From what I'm being told inside this building. Take a shot. 524 West 57 Street. All I've been told by everybody in this building is that they want me here. They like the job I'm doing. I like the job I'm doing. I'll say this. I like the job and the people that I work with. So I don't know what to tell you. I was. I was. I don't know what to tell you about it, but what I'm hearing in the building is not what I'm reading in the press. And what I'm not going to do is negotiate in the. In the media. Not doing that. Oh, okay. We think it's a negotiation. We think it's a negotiation. It's not. They're firing you, Gail. And they're not. She's so delusional. They love the job I'm doing. They love the job I'm doing so much that top brass is leaking to Page Six and every relevant media outlet that they're firing me. They love the job I'm doing, but I'm getting fired. You know, so we're all the dummies. We're the dummies because we don't understand these nuances that Gail understands. And I don't know why she's going that Take, take a take, take the camera and, and, and, and put it at the edifice of this building and see, the address is 425Cares. What does that have to do with anything? She's a shitty excuse for a journalist. She's no, she's no journalist, okay? She's a glorified talking head who got that job because her best platonic pal is Oprah Winfrey. And we're gonna get to that. Now, CBS clarified their position the day before Gail gave that little impromptu presser in which she sounded really confident, didn't she? She just kept rambling on. A confident person would say, no comment. Confident person would say, not the time. You know, thanks for asking. And I love, by the way, the concern trolling that TMZ's faceless camera people have Gail. We were also surprised to hear. Who's surprised to hear that? Gail King, the utter supreme mediocrity. I understand that may sound like anachronistic, like a supreme mediocrity, but if me, if she is the most mediocre of the mediocre, okay, And I'm being generous in calling her a mediocrity who would be shocked that she's out. She's making something obscene like $11 million a year down from like a reported 20. But she really still like. So then on Monday, on Monday, while working on the nerves yesterday's nerve and the nerve at night around 12:30 on Monday afternoon Eastern, like Gail posted this to Instagram and you guys, she's out of her mind. She is. She posts this image of herself in, in front of the frame she's walking and behind her are two young girls who are like, oh, it's the great Gayle King. It's the great. Can you believe it? And Gail's like rocking and rolling around town and like her purple shades because she's cool, even though she's like 70 year old woman in ratty wig. Just my opinion. And like she's cool, you know, she's so cool. She's not getting fired. But then Gail captioned it with that the. These girls weren't mouths agape because of the great Gail King. No, no, no, no, no. Even though Gail's been to space, the caption reads, quote, my next at CBS Mornings interview elicits this kind of response from strangers on the street. What did she do? Simply walked past them? She's an iconic who has blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nobody cares. But it's really all in service of Gail and her ego because Gail's the one in said photo. Now CBS says Gail will depart, which is polite corporate speak for we are tossing this untalented, overpaid, entitled, self aggrandizing hack out on her ass. May 2026. So mark it on your calendars. People magazine published October 30th. Last Thursday. Oh, the people that the headline is. CBS addresses Gayle King's CBS Morning's departure. And I quote from this. And by the way, People is historically extremely friendly to celebrities. So this is air tight. I quote. CBS is clarifying Gayle King's future with the network after it was reported that she was leaving her post as the anchor of CBS mornings. On Thursday, October 30, sources at Variety reported that King, 70, would be departing from the morning news show when her contract is set to expire in May 2026. The sources claimed that King may be stepping into a, quote, different role in the news division and could, quote, potentially produce her own programming for cbs. Cbs, however, is denying aspects of that report. Quote, there have been no discussions with Gail about her contract that runs through May 2026. So, Gail, you're done. They don't like you. They don't want you. They are kicking you out. Okay, good luck with whatever podcast you start under the umbrella of your platonic pal Oprah's media empire if she's so inclined to give you one. Now, part of the reason Gail is getting kicked out on her ass is the following. She is the host of a morning show. Now, again, we know, we understand that the Nerve would like to be the asteroid that destroys American morning shows. I think we're beginning to make a few little hits here and there. Secondly, as the host of a morning show, your job is to be relatable. Your job is to beam into what was once America's living room and now is America's DMV intake waiting center at jails and prisons nationwide. Or hospitals, okay, or maybe the airport. But CNN owns airports. So one of those three places, you may have the unfortunate, you know, the just the unfortunate happenstance of, of encountering Gayle King. She is all over Instagram like a teenage girl posting herself with famous people at, like, top flight events. Here she is posting herself with Misty Copeland, the very famous black prima ballerina who is retiring Here she is being a total asshole at numerous VIP seats at any given rock. You look like an asshole, you know, just dancing around at, like, Sabrina Carpenter or, like, circle dancing, circle jerking with, like, Oprah and Kris Kardashian and Tyler Perry at Beyonce in Vegas. Name dropping, like, the total out of touch, insecure asshole you are my opinion. Okay, here's. Here's just one that I'm talking about. The caption, a different kind of Friday Night Lights, exclamation point. Bravo to Alexis Ohanian. Ohanian, if I'm saying it right, the mastermind behind whatever. Alexis is the guy who founded or co founded Reddit, sold his stake for billions of dollars, and is married to Serena Williams. And she's out there in these streets rubbing shoulders and elbows with the likes of these people and she doesn't understand what. Why we all loathe her. We loathe you, Gail. We cannot wait to see you depart. And I think it may be before your contract is up. I think they may like to see the back of you sooner. Now, again, Gail, we think that Gail thinks that. She thinks that she can just rely on Oprah's largesse, right? I do not think that this is a relationship of equals. I have not thought so since we got the indisputable evidence. It's out there. You can go look it up. There is. There is a photograph of Gayle King, Oprah, disgustingly sitting on a picnic table. Oprah, people eat on that. Okay? Sitting on a picnic table. And she's got her foot up. And Gail is bent over, tying Oprah's shoelace. How servile. Now here is Gail, this is more recent, taking video of her platonic friend Oprah on the red carpet at the ballet, the aforementioned ballet. And Gail is way outside the frame on the side. Gail's the help. This evening. Gail is meant to stay out of the way while Oprah gets her moment on the red carpet. On the step and repeat. Okay? Shining it on with. I believe she's with Misty Copeland. I'm not looking at it right now, but I know Misty's face. I know I know her now. I know who she is. You know what I mean? Now, Oprah, also remember when Gail made her Broadway debut, the multi talented Gayle King. Tell me. I'm just gonna be a bitch about it. You know, part of the deal with being a presenter on a morning show or like a host on a morning show is like, you have to have a degree of attractiveness that welcomes people in. Gayle is unattractive okay? She is not an attractive person, and her personality does not make up for what she lacks in the physical attractiveness department. Okay? So when Gayle made her Broadway debut, you know, I'm sure she told her producers in the brass at cbs, guess what? Oprah will be there, and she'll be in the audience, and we'll make this thing go viral, and it'll be such a fun moment. And guess what? Not only did Oprah not show up for Gail's Broadway debut, her best friend ever, ever, ever, ever. Oprah sent her assistant to watch Gail's Broadway debut. And Oprah's assistant, FaceTimed, which breaks all kinds of theater etiquette. You go to see a play in New York, and I'm about to go see art this week on Broadway, and those tickets are beyond expensive. You want a nice seat? You are paying. Okay? I don't want to. I don't care if you're Oprah fucking Winfrey or Oprah's fucking assistant. Take your fucking iPhone and turn it off. God, have some respect for, like, actual audiences give a shit. Anyway, this is all to say that I don't think that Gail can go to Oprah and know for sure that Oprah is going to take care of Gail. You know, Gail's kind of a loser now because Gail couldn't keep her perch, you know, even with Oprah swinging by every now and then, like hawking her book club or hawking her. You know what. You know what might have done it? You know, it might have done it when Oprah sat down with Harry and Megan. And then Gail started being a conduit, not just for what Oprah thought about Oprah's interview with Harry and Megan, but what Harry. And that might have been it. That might have been it, because Oprah has kept her distance from those two. She really has. And Gail, you know, she might be a little bit of dead weight now. They both might be on Ozempic or some kind of GLP1, but nonetheless, Gail may be lighter dead weight than she was before. And by the way, before we get to our final, our sign off for the Gayle segment, and we will be keeping our eye on this as it develops, One of you troublemakers wrote me, you know how obsessed I am with the newsreader, the Australian show, and I'm about to go into season three, a friend of mine gave me a way in. If you haven't seen it yet, the guy who runs the newsroom, the television newsroom, and this is a type, and we had this at The New York Times Post too, they're dying out because me too, Harvey Weinstein and DEI Initiatives have killed this guy off. But there is the actor who plays this news director is brilliant and this is a type. And as I said, we at the Post had one for many, many years. It's a kind of corpulent, 60 to 70 something, vulgar editor in chief, white hair. Lindsay, the fictional news director in the News Reader has a beard like wire rimmed glasses, serial killer adjacent. I know I have my own. And the face is constantly red and the red flares. The red will go like the red has nuances and it can dial itself to back to sort of a rosacea pink. And then it can blare itself up into a neon seedy 42nd Street, Times Square in the 70s red. Like fire alarm red. And the red is ever present. And it is, it is 50% a mixture of alcohol abuse, of serious alcohol. Not saying my former EIC had that, but it definitely, in the case of the newsreader and in many of the guys like this type of it's 50 alcohol abuse and it's 50 ever present rage. And they blow at a minute's notice. They blow at a minute's notice. They make Oprah sound like, you know, a wintry sprite, you know, who can barely be heard. Terrifying guys. And anyway, the guy who plays Lindsay on the newsreader effing nails it like every time he makes me laugh. I survived it. Anyway, Gail, no matter what happens, you know, actually, again, again, I think I actually, I think Megan and Harry and Oprah were the beginning. And I think this was when David Ellison was in the process of buying Paramount and getting hold of CBS News. He saw this and that was the moment Gail signed her professional death sentence. Here we go. And then my question is, have you all been to space? Have you been in space? Go to space or go to Blue Origin and see what they do and how they do and then come back and say, this is a terrible thing. You know what, Gail, you America says you. We're happy to see you go. You know where you're gonna experience, you know what? New foreign extraterrestrial to you. Terrain. You're about to go to the unemployment office. Have you been? Have you? Up next, up next, your feedback and a mini update on our favorite sprightly 900 year old heroine. We are back in a minute. Has your dentist recommended that you wear a night guard because you grind your teeth when you're asleep? That is such a common problem. If so, let me tell you About Remy. Their custom night guards are your fix. You get the same professional quality as a dentist made guard, but at 80% less cost. And it's much more convenient. No making appointments, no waiting rooms, no hours in a dentist chair. And you can also use your HSA FSA at checkout. Here's how it works. Remy sends an impression kit to your door. You follow the simple instructions, you send it back. They craft your custom fit night guard. And if you order your night guard between now and December 24th, Remy is gifting their customers with a free 2 in 1 foam that cleans your night guard and whitens your teeth just in time for the holidays. Go to shopremy.com nerve and use code nerve to receive 55 off your new night guard plus a free foam gift. That's shopremi r e m I.com nerve for 55 off a night guard plus free gift using code Nerve. And thank you, Remy, for sponsoring this episode. I feel so energized by that Gail segment. That was extremely cathartic. I really wanted to get that out. I really, really did. Now, before we get in to all your fabulous feedback, which is right here in my hot little hands, we have an alert out of Nerve Headquarters for two of our. Again, they're recidivists. At this point, I can't even call them repeat offenders. They're recidivists, and we need harsh on crime policies here at Nerve Central. I think they're pretty harsh, but I think we need to make them harsher. Now. The New Yorker magazine had a little festival recently, and they have their pets. They have their favorites. Sarah Jessica Parker is one of them. I have to show you the promo photo for SJP's appearance. You guys. She looks like a lion. She's got. She's like. Again, she's in her 60s and she's got this mane of hair that just women in their 60s don't have. Okay. It is full of hair extensions and. And she's looking up. Her face is upward. And then her eyes, her already small eyes are kind of squinting as if she's looking to see some profound truth that the rest of us can't. And there's a light shining in those eyes, and her mouth is just slightly open. And there's like we're kind of in a wind tunnel. And it's like Sarah Jessica, she's just so enlightened and she's always looking up for new information. You know, it's a lot. It's a lot. Okay, you're an actress. You're an actress who's played the same character now for 30 years and who just got turfed out by HBO Max in a very inglorious manner. But here we are over at the New Yorker Festival. We are being interviewed by Rachel Syme, my fellow journalist. Rachel, I would like to ask you to please wake up. In the profile that you wrote of Sarah Jessica years ago, she humiliated you at the New York City Ballet. She humiliated you, and she got off on it, and you wrote about it. And I don't think you fully want to accept that SJP is a mean girl. And she is. She's a mean girl. And you can see the disparity again in this New Yorker Festival. You know, Rachel's interviewing her. Rachel's all dressed up. You can tell. Rachel went and she went shopping. She found a special ensemble to wear. And Sarah Jessica shows up, you know, just cash and, like, a pair of Vince pants, black pants, black, you know, tank and a black blazer and some black shoes. And, you know, she's showing you up. She's being like, look, I think you're trying too hard. Once again, now at the. At the festival, we're gonna get to the. To the part that involves the nerve and is a direct reference to the nerve, and we retain our intellectual property over here. Okay? Sarah Jessica Parker was asked if she were not an actress, in other words, if she had not pursued the highest calling known to man and woman, actress or actor, whatever would she have done with her life? Here we go. Is there anything you haven't had the.

[B]

Opportunity to do yet in your career that you'd like to explore? Oh, my gosh. There's the whole world. I mean, I would like to go into foreign service. I would like to be in diplomacy, to be honest. So that's not in the career that I'm pursuing right now. But if there's time left, I have to figure out a way to get into. I think they say George Washington University is the best for studying. Yeah, but I think I'm out of my league. I think I'm out of my depths. But are you kidding? You would be an amazing ambassador. I don't need to be an ambassador. I just want to be in the embassy. Like, I don't want to be ambassador. I just want to be doing the work that our embassies have done so beautifully for so long.

[A]

Oh. Oh, she's such a moron. I just want to be doing. First of all, she always stammers to begin an answer. It's like turning over A car in the 70s. It's like, like getting to the answer is like takes forever. And then we get to the answer and she fills it with a bunch of nonsense like oh just. I just want to, I don't want to be the glamorous ambassador like Kerry Russell on the Diplomat. No, no. I just want to be doing the grunt work that our embassies have done so beautifully for so long. Listen sister, there have been a lot of morons who get ambassadorships. Caroline Kennedy is one, okay? She got Japan and Australia. She got two plum assignments and she's a moron who has zero sense of style and, and actually has actively bad taste. Okay? So to just assume that everybody in foreign service is like brilliant, you're a fudgeing moron. And secondly, a lot of people in foreign service, those jobs are cover for intel agencies, okay? For the alphabets, for the CIA. You're a fucking moron. Okay, now here we go to. Oh, by the way, before we get to the mini, I got her mini interview. We got to check in with Kim Cattrall, okay? Because Sarah says her alternate career path would be as a diplomat because clearly she's so interested in and activated by effective diplomacy. Let's listen to Kim Cattrall again talking to Piers Morgan back in 2017 about how diplomatic Sarah Jessica Parker was on the set of Sex and the City.

[B]

I just wish that Sarah had been nicer.

[A]

And that's all she's ever said about that. She never, she, she came back to. And just like that, once she like got them to pay her a million dollars to do like 10 lines dialogue from the back of a car. The condition being she never had to set foot on a set with any of those ever again. SJP being head in charge. Perkim Cattrall. That is how you negotiate. Okay, that, that's a boss. Kim Cattrall. That's a queen at work. Now the New Yorker has instituted a new feature that they're calling the Mini.

[B]

Hi, I'm Sarah Jessica Parker and I'm doing the New Yorker mini interview.

[A]

Their mini interview.

[B]

Okay, the first question is what's the best place to read a book in New York City? The subway. Subway platform. Keep your eye of course on your fellow passengers. Stay behind the yellow line. But for me I love reading on the subway. Also, if you can just find a local stoop, that's also very good.

[A]

No, it's not. And I'm going to tell you why. Number one, if you are doing anything other than standing with your back to a pillar A map, anything on a subway platform where you can have your eyes rotating around your head at a 360 degree angle. You are, you're playing with your life. And I'm not, I'm not exaggerating. There are so many mentally ill, drug addled homeless roaming around the subways of New York. People get thrown in front of trains all of the effing time. They get robbed, they, they get assaulted. Is she fucking kidding? That's the best place to read a book. You are making yourself a target. And I am not blaming victims, but you got to be street smart. Okay? Secondly, then she says, oh, a stoop, a stoop is great. First of all, try sitting on a stoop. You're going to come in, you're going to come in into contact with either a tenant or an owner who's going to say get the fuck off of my stoop. Secondly, a lot of New York is filthy. So she doesn't even know what she's talking about, this woman. Again, she once had three townhomes. She sold one for like 12 or 20 million dollars. And that townhouse was used to store her wardrobe. She's not a woman of the people. Fuck off. Fuck off. Now onto Amy Griffin, who went quiet, dormant, if you will, in the wake of the New York Times is what I considered a pretty blistering, damning expose of her book, the Tell. I'm going to give credit to the Nerve. We did it first. We were the first to have the guts to ask the question that not only would no media outlet otherwise ask, but every other media outlet and celebrity pals such as Oprah and Gwyneth and Reese parroted Amy Griffin's so called memoir as the absolute truth. Amy Griffin accuses a real guy in this memoir from her town of Amarillo, Texas of repeatedly, savagely, violently raping her as a child. And there is zero evidence to support this. Go back and watch that Nerve episode and then go read the New York Times expose. And I, I had it. How can I put this? I have heard that they were. That Amy and her husband, who is a billionaire named John Griffin, who, who basically owns New York and otherwise keeps a low profile, were kind of quaking in their boots over that New York Times feature. And as I've said, I think that Mr. Mason, which is the pseudonym she gives said teacher in this book, who, by the way, everyone in that town of Amarillo knows exactly who this man is. And his life has apparently been affected very seriously by the baseless my opinion charges leveled by Amy Griffin in Her book. I think he should sue her. I think the girl, the classmate whose story Amy has seems to have grifted, lifted and my opinion stolen should sue Amy. They have a lot of money. They do. But I'm telling you, there is no shortage of high powered sharky, sharky, super expensive lawyers who would take these cases, you know, on contingency. Amy Griffin is a piece of shit and she's back out on Instagram. Shame again. I think shame in this culture is dying, if not dead. And another stated reason for the existence of the nerve is to revive it. Because shame is a very healthy evolutionary adaptation. It keeps the bad people out of the stew. It allows for the rest of us who are honest and try to do the right thing and would never even conceive of accusing my opinion, an innocent man of such a heinous crime. Accusations that have I. I, as I have said before, could drive someone to take their own life. But here's Amy effing Griffin out at the New York Liberty ownership event, smiling with Reese Witherspoon. Smiling. You are a blight on New York City, okay? You are a blight. You are a disgrace. You are a disgusting human being. Here she is with the comic Leanne Morgan in Boston. Caption IG reads go in and doing and nothing like a billionaire woman dropping their G's to sound relatable. Just like our favorite politicians pandering to who they think are the uneducated masses going and doing in Boston. No one quite like at Leanne Morgan comedy and no show quite like hashtag, Just getting started. Amy, you know, if there's justice in the world, your karma is just getting started. Now, on to your emails. Jason Bateman. I've been waiting for one like this. Hi, Maureen. I. She loves the nerve and is relieved to know that others recognize the lunacy in pop culture. I have felt alone in my disillusion for a long time. My friend. You are at home okay now, by the way, there's always room for you in the VIP section of the woodshed. Can you add Jason Bateman to the list of potential assholes to be exposed? In my mind, I file him in the same category as Ryan Reynolds. All of his characters on screen are mean, snarky, self absorbed, and I suspect he's not acting at all. Now. Jason Bateman was one of my earliest childhood crushes. I had a crush on him on Silver Spoons. I had a crush on him on the Hogan family or Valerie, which, you know, it's deep cut. I'm going to say this Though in his later years, I have always sensed, like, a rage with Jason Bateman, like, just below the surface. Like, it's. It's there and he's like, always, like, trying to tamp it down. But, like, I've listened to some episodes of Smartless, and it comes out in, like, he can be really mean to Sean Hayes. Like, really mean. And then it's like, always couch. She's like, it's just a joke. And trust me, as somebody fluent in somewhat toxic. No, I'm. No names, no shaming involved, but, you know, Irish Catholic family dynamics. Often brutal insults are couched. Oh, you're no joke. Just a joke. Don't be offended. Just a joke. Jason Bateman strikes me like that, and I think he's. That's why his most effective roles are when he's playing really dark. I think he's really dark. And I think when he leans into that, that's when he's at his best. Recommendation. A film called the Gift. I believe it was written and directed by Joel Edgerton, who also stars in it. And it is a psychological horror movie that is so completely original. I loved it. I've seen it multiple times. And Jason Bateman, you know, it sort of build like he's playing against type, but I think he's playing too type. Just my opinion. Okay, that's just my opinion. Dearest Maureen, keep the new episodes coming and the wood chipper running. You got it, sister. Thank you for briefly taking on the extremely cloying Kelly Ripa. I would absolutely love to see you do a deep dive on this annoying fixture of morning tv. She is vapid, not very bright, and completely full of herself, says this troublemaker. I cannot for the life of me understand how she's lasted so long in such a competitive environment. Truth be told, Michael Strahan was the only bright spot on that show post. Regis. I agree. I think Michael Strahan shined on that show. And he outshone her, actually. And that was the problem. And the hissy fit she threw when he got promoted very quickly, it was extremely unprofessional. He had to keep his mouth shut. He had to. He would have been stupid not to. And the rage wasn't so much about her feeling betrayed that he didn't give her a heads up. It's that Michael Strahan, after, I believe it was a brief two years in that chair, was plucked by ABC's top brass. And they said, you're so talented. We want you over here, we want you over here. We want you over here. The guy also is like a Fox Sports commentator that, you know, and she's still in that chair. Know what I'm saying? Now, we all knew it was inevitable that Kelly's husband Mark would end up along side of her. He is a talentless hack. I love you, troublemaker Lenny T. I love you. The acting gigs for him started drying up, and she swooped in to save the day. Too bad for the viewers of that show. It is now completely unwatchable. Agreed. And they are sniping at each other on air now. And not for nothing, but back in the day, there were a lot of gossip reports that her underemployed husband was spending a little bit too much time with waitresses down at Balthazar, which is a fancy restaurant that was near their so then house in Soho. I believe they lived in Soho for a long time. And so I don't think it's a coincidence that Kelly lobbied with every ounce of her being to get Mark on that show because she can keep an eye on him. And of course, you know, he. She got him there, and he's gonna resent her for it. I. The dynamics are not good. Okay, now let's see. We have. Oh, this is a letter. This is an email. Sorry. From Jill. Just bought ticket to Megan's Anaheim show, and she is going to be there in her hat from the nerve shop. This troublemaker Jill says, I'll be in section 224 and the row and the seat, and says she'll be waving her hat and I will be looking for you in Anaheim. Jill, so excited to see you. Hi, Maureen. I thought the show on Paranormal Phenomenon with Sam Vaknin was very interesting. Thank you, troublemaker Tim. I did, too. I know a lot of you guys took umbrage with it and were upset about Sam's pronouncement about religion and religious people and how he thinks he's stronger than most because he doesn't need to believe in God. And listen, do I agree with everything all of my guests say? Of course not. But do I enjoy really sad, spiky, interesting, provocative conversations with really smart people? I do. And I know you guys do, too. So once that sting wears off, go back and revisit Sam. I love him. I know you guys do, too. Especially Tim continues the parts about scientism being essentially a form of religion. I thought this was one of the most interesting things Sam said, and he said a lot of interesting things in that episode. And Sam's contention that all science is essentially a series of. Of untruths. Fascinating. And by the way, we are also going to be covering the forthcoming documentary. I do still watch William Marr's show every week, even though I have issues with him Real Time. And on Friday's Real Time he had on the producer and director of the forthcoming documentary about UFOs in which high level government officials who are currently seated in power, such as Marco Rubio and ex military pilots on and on talk about the existence of UFOs is real. And that segment impressed me greatly and we're going to be covering that doc once it's streaming later this month. Okay, from troublemaker Shelley, next time you dig into your movie section and movies we're going to be doing movies more and more. I love talking about movies like old and new. I would love to explore the movie career of Glenn Close. I feel she is an amazing actress. She has been consistently snubbed at the Oscars. True. Two of my favorite movies. She has starred in Dangerous Liaisons and in the past decade, the Wife. The Wife is an incredible movie. I highly, highly recommend it. I've seen it a couple of times. First on a plane and then after that I streamed it. Also, if you haven't seen Damages, stream it. Incredible show. You know, some seasons are stronger than others. Incredible show. Hi Maureen. I thought you'd appreciate this experience I recently had while listening to your podcast, episode 58 about Apple Martin. I was listening to your segment. I sighed and rolled my eyes as you pressed play on Apple singing. It was tough, Maureen, I'm not going to lie. This troublemaker Marnie was out on her daily hike with her dogs. I had to quickly turn down the volume suddenly because I heard some kind of animal call. Maybe a coyote, I thought. But I quickly understood that I was mistaken. As I heard you say something about cats being strangled, I laughed out loud. Those calls were not the calls of a wild animal. They were one. Apple Martin and I got a theory about that. We're going to address it on Friday's Nerve. Hi Maureen. I have a paid subscription to the substack, but is there really nothing on it? No, no, no. You just got there early. Substacks up and running. Last one. Hi Maureen. I can't believe I've again, we've all found our people. We've all found each other. Not a moment too soon that I have found an entertainment show that actually thinks the way I do. On that note. Oh, this is so nice. I love your clothing and more importantly, your jewelry. I love it. Please share who what you wear. Yeah, we don't really ever have time in the show. But that's why the substack exists. Like a lot of the stuff that can't go in the show goes in the sub stack. So go over there. Subscribe now. I had meant to salute this troublemaker a few months back. We actually displayed this troublemaker's handmade art on our Emmy livestream and it's coming back out of the Nerve archive for the inaugural Nerve Awards at the end of the year. This was the troublemaker named Frances, who I had asked for a mixed media piece of Sarah Jessica Parker on a cross and she sent it to me and it was such a banger of a piece of art. And she wrote this incredible note in this everybody, I mean the details, you guys leave nothing too deep. No detail is too small, which I love. I love attention to detail. You asked Frances wrote for SJP on a cross. You got SJP on a cross. Who's next? Meghan and Harry? William Marr? Or maybe our fave spicy Latina Hilaria Baldwin. I hope you enjoy Frances. We not only enjoyed, we treasure your artwork. And you are are October's Troublemaker of the Month. Brace yourself, your remaining fucks will be on the way. Our producers will be in touch asking for shipping instructions. So that's it for this segment. But coming up, we have a celebrity we're we're going in on. Kristen Bell, who likes to market herself like a ray of sunshine, and Dax Shepard, who likes to market himself as just a guy, just a famous guy in recovery who's picked up a few things along the way but remains humble and just happens to have a podcast called Armchair Expert. You're never going to look at these two the same way again. I promise you. I promise you. And if I have my way, CPS is getting a phone call. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. First, a quick reminder. Keep the feedback coming. Email me @maureen devilmaker media.com Francis email me again. Please email me again. My books are all over the place. So we can get your address or DM me on Instagram at Maureen Callahan, writer, or at the Nerve show. And remember, subscribe to the Nerve substack party. Afterparty's over there. Thenerveshow.substack.com See you in a minute. Are you looking to support more Made in the USA manufacturing this holiday season? Whether it's home decor, clothing or unique gifts, it's becoming harder than ever to find high quality products that aren't made overseas. Small businesses in this country are struggling to stay afloat. And with the likes of Amazon and Target dominating the holiday market. Of course. Of course. So this is where a warehouse comes in. It's your one stop shop for artisanal, one of a kind gifts. With products from over 100 different vendors. They are deeply committed to supporting American makers and manufacturers. They're easy to navigate. Online marketplace lets you browse a wide range of independent creators so you can feel good knowing that your purchase supports real people and ethical business practices. This holiday season, explore a warehouse's gift guides and holiday collection featuring handmade ornaments, greeting cards, thoughtful gifts under 50 bucks and more. Made in the USA favorites that make any gift truly meaningful. I have a beautiful three wick candle from a warehouse and I love it. A warehouse believes that a thoughtful gift isn't about fancy labels or big brand names. It is about the dedication, creativity and care that goes into every product. So join the growing community of shoppers supporting over 100 vetted small business makers. Head on over to awarehouseshop.com and use code thenerve for 15 off your first order. That's awarehouseshop.com code. The nerve. You know, a celebrity knows they are in deep when they cancel an appearance on the Today show as Kristen Bell did about a week or so ago because a post that she wrote on Instagram went viral in October during Domestic Violence Awareness month. In said post she posted a photo of herself in a very, I thought, overly emotive, really weird embrace with her husband, Dax Shepard. The Post read, Happy 12th wedding anniversary to the man who once said to me, quote, I would never kill you. A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point. Even though I'm heavily incentivized to kill you, I never would. Now that was posted on October 17th. She was supposed to be on the Today show the next day and she canceled her appearance. She couldn't even hack the likes of Savannah Guthrie or Jenna Bush Hager or whoever, one of the other 80 hosts of the Today show. Like I said, they're like that band, the arcade fire. There's 80 members. I don't know why she couldn't handle what they would have framed as you know, some people are saying, you know, that, that there was, you know, there's some people may find it offensive. I mean we know you, you didn't mean it that way. And they just roll, roll you downhill downstream so you can issue your lame non apology apology and everybody forgets. Now when I say these people tell you who they are, believe them as stated earlier. Oh, don't be offended. It's just a joke. I think it's strange that a spouse of any gender would joke about being heavily incentivized to. To murder their spouse, as so many people have throughout history. And even though they often want to do it, they would never do it now. When I lay out, again, I am your cultural. I'm your criminal cultural prosecutor. I am laying out my evidence over at the defense table. I would try them. I don't know if I would try them separately or together. Nonetheless, I am trying Kristen Bell, whose show. Nobody wants this. I'm not a fan, and I'm not a contrarian to be a contrarian, but I am not a fan. And we're going to get into that, too, because there's a real darkness there. And I don't think the writers are writing the show. They think they're writing. And there is a permeation of Assholes. Is that a word? Like, they're permeating the culture. Like, there are all these shows where the characters are out and out assholes. Like they're terrible people who, if you encountered in social settings or at the workplace, you would be like, get me away from this person as quickly as possible. But it's presented as normalized, if not quirky behavior or funny behavior, and it's not. And so I think that there's a generation staffing these writers rooms, and I'm going to say maybe patient zero here is Lena Dunham. They don't get that they're writing terrible people. They don't. So anyway, we'll get to that. So. But I'm going to build my case layer by layer. So to begin, we're going to get into said show on Netflix. Nobody wants this. It's number one. It is based on the courtship and subsequent marriage of Aaron Foster, who is not Jewish, to her Jewish husband. Now, Aaron is one of David Foster's adult children, and she and her sister Sarah both are like the creators of this show and the writers of this show. But I'm a little dubious. I am a little dubious that they are the driving creative force just because they tried a bunch of. They threw a bunch of against the wall and nothing stuck. I think there's like a ghost showrunner. Just a theory. Okay. Anyway, I do not love this show the way that we're all told that we should love it. I hear people all the time talk about what a great show it is, and I think they're just parroting what a lot of mainstream media and celebrity blogs and, like, social media is telling them, if you watch this show just a little bit closely, you will see that the hot rabbi, played by Adam Brody, who has one speed. Adam Brody plays the same character all the time, one speed. The hot rabbi is bad news. I think he is bad news. And I think we're going to explore what I see. Like, there's. In episode one of season two, which again, just dropped on Netflix, there are a series of vignettes that stood out to me glaringly as evidence that this guy is a controlling prick. Okay? He is a humorless, controlling prick. We open this episode with one of my favorite things, which is very heavy, heavy, expository dialogue, which is like, hey, you dummies out there, I gotta. We gotta set the whole table for you and explain it in excruciating detail because you'd never put it together. And so the device that we're going to use is this idiotic podcast that the Kristen Bell character named Joanne, who's playing Aaron Foster, has with her sister. And, you know, it's just an. It's an inane podcast. Nobody would be listening. But she's going. She's on this podcast. Her sister is skeptical of the relationship and the guy. Okay, is she supposed to be the conduit for the audience? I don't know. But now the Kristen Bell character is defending this guy to within an inch of her life. The hot rabbi. Now we are well into this relationship again. This is season two. Both the hot rabbi and the Joanne character have deemed it a very serious relationship. I believe they are living together in his house, but she does not have her own bedside table. And we see her. Oh, they don't live together. Excuse me. It feels like they live together, but she has to. He. He won't get her a bedside table. So for her side of the bed, she has to build every night a precarious makeshift tower on her side of the bed, where she delicately balances like a book and then a glass of water. And I think it's supposed to be played for laughs. And I find nothing funny about it at all. I don't find it funny. So, anyway, let's take a look at the beginning of this episode with the exchange on the podcast. Here we go. Also, first interview, huh? It's like a lot of pressure.

[B]

Can you please stop poking holes at my story? Okay? I'm unveiling my relationship.

[A]

I am trying to stay positive.

[B]

Noah has put almost everything he cares about on the line for me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Wow. Clearly I struck a nerve.

[A]

Struck a nerve. That character has the makings of a troublemaker, but she's not there yet. She needs some rehabilitation. So I'll get to that. Now, Kristen Bell plays this girlfriend, and it all started to fall into place for me when I was working on this segment with the team. It really, really, really fell into place because I think her marriage is very dark. Listen, I don't think she's any great shakes. I think she's a terrible mother, and we'll get into it. And by the way, I don't think there should be any sort of prohibition in the culture about saying you think someone's a terrible mother. It's supposed to be sacrosanct. And I think it's for. To the detriment of kids who really may be in need of help. Just my opinion. As I think Kristen Bell's kids may be. Just my opinion. Now, she plays this girlfriend in what's supposed to be very poppy fun. Goes down like skittles. Even the. Even the. Even the way it's shot, the color palette of the show, the lighting, it's supposed to be a bright show. This is a dark show. It's a very dark show. She plays the girlfriend like a battered spouse. She really does. Let's watch as her character Joanne and the hot rabbi, played by Adam Brody are arranging place cards and fixing the lighting for their imminent dinner party. Here we go. There is an art to throwing a great dinner party, and seating is the foundation. You know what the second part is? No lighting. Would you like to handle lighting? M. I would be honored.

[B]

You know, when Morgan and I go to parties or weddings and we're not.

[A]

Seated together, we just switch the name tags. You don't actually do that, do you?

[B]

I don't do it anymore.

[A]

No. Good.

[B]

Not since you looked at me like that.

[A]

You think it's going to be weird having Morgan and Sasha and Esther all together there?

[B]

No, I think it's going to be fine. This is going to be great. It's going to be great.

[A]

Now she goes to fix the lighting, Adjust it.

[B]

Lighting. This is 20%, 50%, 70%. Yikes.

[A]

That's an airport bathroom. Okay.

[B]

No. You know what? I should just make an executive decision.

[A]

You're right. Right. Hey. Yeah? Question for you. Did you make fun of my watercress in the podcast?

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah. Did I make fun of. No.

[B]

I was bragging about your watercress.

[A]

Of course. Okay, great. Well, look, I don't want to censor you or anything, but. But I'm going to. Personal stuff about me on the pop. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, no. Got It. I didn't think watercrafts were personal.

[A]

Okay, so basically, in the span of a minute, she has been re remonstrated for switching place cards at a wedding. Okay? And he's like, tell me you don't do that. Then she very timidly attempts to adjust the lighting and asks what percentage is suitable for him. And then thirdly, he then slides right into. Hey, you talked about, like, my watercress. At first I thought they said watercress. Water crafts. I can't even understand the words they're articulating. And if it. Whatever it is one of the two, it doesn't effing matter. There is nothing more like harmless than talking about that. And even if she's making fun of your water crest, so what? Have a sense of humor. Cultivate one. This guy is so pedantic, so humorless and so controlling. And I like, if I had a friend who was dating a guy like this, I would. I would. I would be having a little come to Jesus. Okay, now, the wife of the rabbi's best friend, who is played by the excellent Timothy Simons, lay to Veep, who played. Oh, God, I forget his character's name. But they made up the best insults for his character. And if you've never seen Veep, watch Veep. So the. So the wife of the rabbi's best friend, played by Timothy Simons, has been having an emotional affair. No, sorry. He's the husband and he's been having an emotional affair with the Joanne character. Sister Morgan. Got it. And the wife found the text messages and she's not pleased. Okay? She's most displeased by this. And then, so this prick, the hot rabbi, invites all three of them to the dinner party. Because why wouldn't you? If you're looking to cause trouble and stir up drama, that's what you do. But if you're a man of the clothes, a man of faith, who just wants everybody to get along, you maybe have two separate dinner parties. Okay, so what does the Morgan character do? The sister of Joanne who we saw up top, she shows up to this party in a pantsless look. She's wearing a super tight bodysuit, no pants, full hair and makeup. So you're already making the statement that you don't give a fuck that this guy and his wife, this guy who you've been having this inappropriate relationship and his wife are going to be there. You are actually being a provocation. And then the Morgan character walks in. And to my point about assholes populating so much of Pop Culture right now this character walks in and says, sorry, I didn't bring anything because I don't do that. Like, it's charming. I didn't bring a gift to this dinner party that you're hosting for me. These are supposed to be well off, urban, middle aged sophisticates. People do not behave like this. At least if they want to be invited back. At least if they want to continue to move through society and make friends and influence people. They don't. Now the wife turns around and calls Morgan and, and I quote number two, and I find this crass and I don't find it funny. I'm not a prude. I like vulgar humor. I like vulgar language when it's executed properly, but that just falls flat. It's trying to be funny and it's not. Let's watch and listen as the wife confronts these two losers and how this is played on the show. I'm going to be the judge of what is something and what is nothing. I saw all the text messages. Okay, we're just friends. I mean, we were friends. We're not friends now, but we were at one point, but now we're not. Well, it did get a little bit.

[B]

Weird and I told him it was weird.

[A]

And you agreed.

[B]

You agreed that it was weird?

[A]

Yes, I agreed that it was weird, but nothing happened. This woman means nothing to me. She is nothing. Really. At her core, she is nothing.

[B]

Okay, rude.

[A]

No, I didn't mean it like that.

[B]

You didn't.

[A]

You know, again, are these people we as viewers even want to spend time with? Really? And you know, that's not the point. If anything physical happened. You know, sometimes emotional affairs can be way worse than physical ones. Okay, now onto Morgan at the dinner party. Morgan, who is seated on the bed like she was just so put out to even be called upon her behavior. She's at the dinner party and she has been seated next to a nice single guy that the hot rabbi has invited with the hopes that those two might spark. And this is how the Morgan character reacts when this nice guy tries to get a conversation going with her. So, Maureen, how tall are you? Like five ten? Oh, no, I'm not. I'm five' nine. So that's cool. Pretty well as a kid and felt kind of awkward about it? Oh, no, no, not at all. I didn't have an awkward face. I was always like very cool and very pretty. So, yeah, that's in front of the entire dinner table on the show. And that character is a raging. And you know, again, there is this Reflexiveness in the culture right now to deem inappropriate and or outright rude self serving responses as that person must be on the spectrum. No, no, no, no, no. Let's not be afraid to call a spade a spade. An asshole. An asshole and a narcissist. A narcissist. Now to the real life interviews of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard in real life. I'm going to set this up. This is from Dax's podcast. This was, I believe 2022. And I'm going to set this up before we go into the. The clip of Kristen and Dax talking about what's happened. So apparently they all would sleep often in the same bedroom, the parental marital bedroom. And, and the girls would sleep on the floor. Why on the floor? I don't know. These are wealthy celebrities. So if they want the girls to sleep in the same room, why would it not be a California king bed? Or why would they not have little beds for the girls to sleep in? Now the story begins that they're all in the room trying to go to sleep, and Kristin and one of the girls smell something so odorous and pungent that they think that a dog, God forbid they have dogs or any other animals. At least children can talk and speak up for themselves by a certain age. But anyway, they think that a dog has relieved itself, him or herself under the bed, like had like its dog feces under the bed. And then Dax laughs before he says on this podcast, it is February 22, 2022. He laughs before saying on this podcast, quote, we conscripted the girls to look under all the furniture because we thought there could be a stray dog, Turdy. So yeah, why not let your little girls do it instead of you be a man and fucking do it. And why don't you be responsible parents who would know if your dog is defecating in the house, which your dog should be trained out of. Here we go. Listen. And listen too, because she quotes one of the, one of the small daughters using a very strange adjective to describe the smell. And this word jumped out at me as highly inappropriate. And it will for you too, I am sure. Here we go.

[B]

So I lean down and smell the mattress, Dax's corner, his feet, corner of the mattress. And I almost hit the, I almost passed out, it was so strong. And I said, lincoln, get over here. Don't gaslight me. Tell me if this smells. She smells it. She's like, ew, that is raunchy. We lift up the sheets. It's not the sheets. I lift up the mattress, cover it's not the mattress cover. Well, it's saturated, but I lift up the uler. The uler smells.

[A]

Okay, first of all, the one daughter says, this smells raunchy. How does that girl know that word? It's. It's been misused here. Something can't smell raunchy. One can be raunchy, which has a sexual connotation. Number two, I'm not saying. But I'm saying that struck me. They named their daughters Lincoln and Delta. These two are assholes, okay? They're assholes. They gave one of their daughters. It's a. It's a guy's name. It's a male name. And Delta, like an airline, like a vast plane, like that is a sexless, ugly name. Okay? They hate their kids. My theory. My theory, then. So the oola is. I'll just explain it to you. Because Dax gives a super lengthy, verbose explanation. The uller is like, there's this bladder in the mattress, he says, and there are two tubes, and you can fill it with either hot water or cool water if you want to sleep hot or cold. And why these two just don't invest in one of those mattresses that are temperature controlled, I have no idea. But I think they like torturing each other and their kids. Okay? And Dax, by the way, says he. He could not smell this smell, even though it was on his side of the bed. And Kristin says, it nearly took me out. Okay, now she lays out how she believes this smell came to permeate where they and their small children were sleeping. And Dax shepherd, frankly, sounds hygienically disgusting. And I mean disgusting. Listen, every night's the same thing for me, as you know, I bring in two blender bottles full of water. I consume one of them, and then the other one goes into dumping the Keurig. In my mind, I always have two fresh waters in the blender, right?

[B]

And I'm sure that in your mind, that's all you have on your nightstand, but you have, like, a bunch of tokens, a bunch of knickknacks, you have some sunglasses. You have a ton of tissues. You have some workout powder, some pre and post workout powder. You have a protein shake. You have tissues.

[A]

So many allergies, folks.

[B]

So the point is, it's like a gas station grabs a bottle of liquid, pours it in there. Turns out it was probably an old protein shake that's been running through the ooler for two long, longer, longer.

[A]

So disgusting. It had been out 10 days before I dumped that in there. I do not think that Dax is a fully sober person. I don't. Because I don't know how you mistake the consistency and absolute absence of smell of water for a 10 day old protein shake. You guys know how it is. Even if you have an extra part of a protein shake that you know you've made or whatever that you put in the fridge, like, it starts to congeal after like a day and you have to kind of like restir it or put it back on the blender and rework it. I don't think he's sober. I think he's full of shit. I think his armchair expert shtick is bullshit. It gets darker, okay? It gets darker. Kristen Bell went on another useless idiot who has a podcast. Justin Bell. Justin Bell, sorry. Justin Long. Justin Long. He has a podcast. She went on it. She talked to Justin Long about an intense fight, an incredible fight she says that she had with Dax. Again, they have two small children in their home. She says it was so intense that they both, and I quote, blacked out. And so she had. She says she has no idea. I don't, I don't buy it. I wonder if it got physical. I do. Again, just my supposition. And she ended up sleeping on the couch for days and gave Dax Shepard the silent treatment for three days. And I can tell you, as the product of what I describe as, you know, once I hit about age 8, 10, it became a very difficult home when my parents didn't talk to each other. It was a very scary place to be when they would go for days without speaking to each other. It was a nightmare. So this is her telling a story. She makes very clear to say, this is my version. This is my version of events. You know, I was talking to Dax about asking him to please. I left a note for him asking him to please pick up two towels that were on the floor and do the laundry. And in her telling this note infuriated Dax Shepard to the point where Kristen says she became very afraid of him. Here we go.

[B]

I left this note and then I came home on Sunday, everything was fine. Monday night, we're laying in bed and he turns over and I know, I can sense him like a puppy can sense when you're about to get angry. I can sense it in him two seconds before it happens. And he goes, when you leave me notes, yeah, I feel really controlled. And he launched into how he felt about it.

[A]

Now, I wish this were filmed because your face is contorting in such a way. You kind of looked almost like.

[B]

Yeah. And his nostrils that's how you know he's mad. And I said to myself immediately, like, don't react, don't react, don't react, don't react. And I said, okay, I totally hear you. It will never happen again. If I need something to be done around the house, what is a way that I could do it, that you'd be okay with hearing what's a better way I could do it? And somehow I don't. Then we both blacked out and got into a fight. And I don't actually remember what happened, but what transpired was a lot of volume, a lot of harsh words being thrown around. And it was an angry, angry fight, right? About how nobody does anything for anybody else, Right? We were getting things out of the.

[A]

There was stuff that was buried that was, yeah, okay.

[B]

I grabbed my pillow and I stomped down the hall and I sleep in the front room and I'm crying, right? And we don't talk for three days.

[A]

This is a very dark house that is parented by two, in my opinion, very dark, very immature, very selfish people. And that sounds, again, to me, it sounds like that fight may have gotten physical. Now, I'm going to end it with this because I have never forgotten this quote of Kristen Bell's. And when I read this, I thought to myself, I if somebody doesn't call CPS after this, I don't know what, I don't know what they have. They, I think they have successfully scrubbed again, just my opinion. I think she and her team or her team has, has successfully scrubbed the, the audio and the video of this. I don't think it necessarily came out in a print form of media, but Business Insider picked it up and ran it and that still exists. And so we picked it back up. And the headline on this piece, Kristen Bell says she relies on a, quote, controversial, end quote, parenting hack to get her three year old daughter to sleep. And I quote, we switched the doorknob, we turned the lock on the outside, outside of the door. I then, Kristen, I'm picking this back up. This is her again, I quote, I'm sorry. She's not sorry. I'm sorry. I know that's controversial, but we lock it. When she gets in there again, they lock their 3 year old's bedroom door from the outside. Continuing. Kristen and we stand outside, she and Dax, father of the year, parents of the year, these two, we stand outside and say, quote, we love you. We will talk to you in the morning. But now it's time for sleep. And after about 10 minutes, she'll wind herself down. And then before we go to bed, obviously, we unlock it. I don't believe you. I don't believe you. I think you guys left that. If you're not still doing it, I think those doors or that door was left locked all night long because you didn't want your sleep or your sex interrupted by a small child who might have an emergency and need to go to the bathroom or. Or might have a scary dream and wake up in tears, freaked out, and want to go snuggle with mommy and daddy. I think you just don't want to be bothered with your own little kids. And so you. That is a fire hazard. That is. That child could get hurt in that room, and you would never, ever know it. That child could be screaming to get out. An intruder could be trying to get in. You know, there was a very famous case of a girl named Polly Class who was kidnapped in Petaluma, California, at an abductor, crawled in through her bedroom window and took her and raped her and murdered her. Great parenting. Kristen and Dax. I hate you both. That does it. That does it. For today's edition of the Nerve at night. We will be back here again on Friday for another full episode and then of course, on Saturday for the Mini with one of our new friends who's become a very fast favorite of yours and mine. It's going to be so fun. Can't wait for the Mini. Yeah. We have so much more great stuff yet to come. This week. We are. We're rotating Standing century at the woodshed. You know, Marlena can only do so much. It's Hannah's turn up to keep vigil and make sure only Gail was allowed out. Only Gail. Because she's got what's coming to her. Okay, a friendly reminder, check out the Nerve substack atthe nerve show.substack.com and be sure to subscribe to keep up on all the latest goings on behind the scenes. We've got a Teddy update. Teddy. I already texted Team Nerve about what Teddy's been up to this week, what he does when I'm not looking. You would. You know, I wouldn't dream of locking my dog in a room. You know, if you're looking for some Nerve merch for the holiday season, go to shophenurve.com and we will see you on Friday right here back at the Nerve, where you will never guess what we're about to say next.