Gwyneth and Apple Flaunt Their Insufferable Nepo Life and "The Morning Show" Pushes DEI Storyline

Summary

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The Nerve with Maureen Callahan

Episode: "Gwyneth and Apple Flaunt Their Insufferable Nepo Life and 'The Morning Show' Pushes DEI Storyline"

Date: October 24, 2025
Host: Maureen Callahan

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Episode Overview

In this razor-sharp and incendiary episode, Maureen Callahan delivers biting cultural commentary on the latest displays of privilege and entitlement among celebrity elites, with a focus on Gwyneth Paltrow and her daughter Apple Martin. Callahan skewers their recent media appearances—tearing apart their veiled snobbery, questionable relatability, and the wider phenomenon of "nepo babies."
She pivots halfway through to a no-holds-barred DEI critique of Apple TV's "The Morning Show," lampooning its heavy-handed messaging and lackluster writing. Throughout, Callahan's trademark humor, skepticism, and prosecutorial wit are on full display.

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Main Discussion Points & Key Insights

1. Nepo Babies in the Spotlight: Gwyneth and Apple Martin (01:35–32:16)

• Gwyneth Paltrow’s Image Problem

  • Introduces the theme by reflecting on Gwyneth’s long-standing reputation as elitist and out-of-touch.
  • Highlights a 2019 BBC interview where Paltrow is pressed about being named “America’s most hated celebrity” (08:36):

    "The most hated celebrity. Like, more than like Chris Brown. Like, what did I do?" — Gwyneth Paltrow ([08:39])

    • Callahan mocks this as an inability to recognize her own privilege and social arrogance.
    • Anecdote: Gwyneth belittled a “modest” wedding gift from a non-wealthy friend, allegedly sneering "Filene's Basement" (09:11).

• Privilege Denial & Garden Reverie

  • Gwyneth recounts her “non-wealthy” upbringing and claims she was “on her own” upon leaving college, despite her godfather being Steven Spielberg:

    "My father was really supportive. But he said, you know, you’re completely on your own." — Gwyneth Paltrow ([11:18])

    • Callahan sarcastically deconstructs this, citing Gwyneth’s endless industry connections.
  • Skewers Gwyneth’s Vogue video set in her opulent garden (13:03):

    “Sorry about this construction that we have next door. It’s like, totally ruining our reverie in the garden.” — Gwyneth Paltrow ([13:03])

    • Maureen jokes that the sound is her show’s recurring “wood chipper” motif, symbolizing the destruction of celebrity absurdity.

• Apple Martin: The Next (Mean) Generation

  • Analyzes Apple’s shallow Gap ad and her “Gap kid since babyhood” affect:

    "When I was little, I remember I had so many Gap Kids stuff, and I remember being so excited walking past, like, the huge store in London." ([17:37])

    • Callahan notes Apple never said she entered the store—just walked past—signaling her detachment from "regular" consumer experience.
  • Dismantles Apple’s Cut Magazine Q&A as "Kafkaesque," noting her privileged lens and allegedly insufferable personality:

    “Apple Martin is not an interesting person. She is not talented... but she is barging into our lives and demanding to be compensated richly as a spokesmodel and now a singer.”

  • Addresses notorious rumors of Apple’s bullying and alleged expulsion from an elite private school, discussing rumors and NDAs without definitive proof ([28:00-31:00]).

• Audience Backlash

  • Reads scathing user comments from New York Magazine and Reddit about Apple’s lack of appeal and rumors of mean-girl behavior:
    • E.g., “This sure sounds like content paid for by mom. This girl is notoriously awful.”
    • “Did you ask Apple about her expulsion from an exclusive LA private school because her relentless bullying of a fellow student drove the kid to an attempted suicide?”

• Apple’s (Tone-Deaf) Performance

  • Mocks Apple’s viral singing appearance, describing her as "off key" and oblivious, underscoring the episode’s critique of nepotistic entitlement.

    “She is on stage… literally feeling herself… trying to be really sexy… This girl is so off key, it is wild.” — Maureen Callahan ([31:00])

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2. Listener Feedback and Celeb Scorn (33:20–49:48)

• Troublemaker Army & Substack Milestone

  • Celebrates The Nerve’s Substack ranking #1 in Rising Culture, inviting listeners to support alternative pop culture media.

• Reader Emails:

  • Teachers, veterans, and frustrated pop-culture fans write in to commiserate regarding celebrity entitlement, the collapse of star mystique, and Hollywood’s heavy-handed virtue signaling.
  • Quotes like “When they decide to lecture us from their million dollar soapboxes, it’s tone deaf and out of touch” sum up widespread listener fatigue.

• Side Rants

  • Callahan ridicules Jeremy Irons and other clueless celebrities (e.g., confusing comments on incest, [35:06]).
  • There’s a lighter moment with references to custom “wood chipper” merchandise and the origins of the term “mo bro” for male fans of Maureen’s show.

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3. The Morning Show: A “DEI” Disaster (49:48–65:08)

• Meta Media Critique

  • Callahan tears into Apple TV’s "The Morning Show" for wooden writing, self-important DEI messaging, and lack of entertainment value.

    "It's a cudgel. It's not a scalpel. The best writing’s a scalpel." — Maureen Callahan ([52:12])

  • Exposes the show’s reliance on voiceovers as a crutch for bad storytelling.

• Noteworthy Quotes & Segments:

  • Stella, the new head of news, reflects via voiceover:

    “Legacy media, a corporate tool of the white center, right? I let him pay for lunch and I walked away.” — Stella, Greta Lee’s character ([51:56])

  • BRO, a podcaster character, riffs on not having kids—a meta nod to Jennifer Aniston’s tabloid narrative ([54:15]), a moment Callahan labels “pig pen’s dust cloud.”
  • Callahan ridicules a scene where Stella interrogates her AI doppleganger about privilege and performative allyship:

    "Am I a good CEO? ...You’ve cut costs, you’ve increased revenue... So money. Is there another metric? What about company culture? Opening doors for underrepresented groups?" — Stella’s dialogue with AI self ([61:22])

    • Maureen’s response: “We are exhausted with this bullshit… You are a corporate executive. You are a high functioning psychopath. That’s how you should identify. Just own it.” ([62:48])

• Final Notes:

  • Urges viewers to watch "The Newsreader" for a superior take on newsroom drama.
  • Announces upcoming visual mini-episode and plugs The Nerve’s Substack and merchandise.

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Notable Quotes

"Shoving her wealth and her privilege and shilling $500 gloves… You are trying to make people feel lesser than."
– Maureen Callahan on Gwyneth Paltrow ([09:11])

“Apple Martin is not an interesting person. She is not talented. She doesn’t have a unique lens on the world… but she is barging into our lives and demanding to be compensated richly as a spokesmodel and now a singer.”
– Maureen Callahan ([26:50])

“No, her mother is a snob. We are not shopping at the Gap. We are not.”
– Maureen Callahan ([17:37])

“We are exhausted. We are exhausted with this bullshit.”
– Maureen Callahan on "The Morning Show" ([62:48])

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Key Timestamps

• [01:35] – Maureen introduces the Nepo Baby theme; Substack milestone
• [08:36] – Gwyneth on being "most hated"
• [11:18] – Gwyneth recounts her "humble" early career
• [13:03] – Gwyneth's garden reverie video; wood chipper jokes
• [17:37] – Apple Martin Gap campaign breakdown
• [26:50] – Apple’s media coverage and the alleged mean girl persona
• [28:00–31:00] – Rumors about Apple’s school expulsion and bullying
• [31:00] – Apple’s on-stage viral singing performance discussed
• [33:20] – Listener feedback; angry emails about celebrity entitlement
• [35:06] – Jeremy Irons’ bizarre “incest” comments
• [48:45] – DEI fatigue in Hollywood and reader frustrations
• [49:48] – "The Morning Show" review begins
• [51:56] – Stella’s internal monologue on “legacy media”
• [54:15] – Bro’s comedy club meta moment; Jennifer Aniston reference
• [61:22] – Stella’s AI dialogue about metrics, culture, and allyship
• [62:48] – Maureen’s conclusion on identity politics and writing

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Episode Tone and Style

• Language: Sarcastic, caustic, witty, and unapologetically opinionated.
• Approach: Cultural critique mixed with pop culture gossip; prosecutorial dissection of celebrity behavior; tongue-in-cheek mockery of hypocrisy and excess.
• Notable: Heavy use of direct quotes (often with derision), reading/listening to celebrity statements and immediately breaking down their subtext, meaning, and implications.

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Summary

Maureen Callahan’s Friday episode of The Nerve eviscerates the spectacle of privileged celebrity life, focusing on Gwyneth Paltrow and daughter Apple Martin as archetypes of the “nepo baby” problem. With humor and vigor, Callahan exposes their tone-deaf attempts at relatability, both in media interviews and commercial campaigns, while amplifying frustrated public reaction to their ongoing attempts to stay culturally relevant.
The latter half offers a relentless takedown of "The Morning Show" and its DEI-heavy narratives, as well as a lively listener mail segment reflecting widespread weariness with Hollywood sanctimony and identity politics.
Throughout, Callahan’s sharp eye for hypocrisy and entertainment value ensures that the episode is as smart as it is scathing—a must-listen for anyone exasperated by the current state of celebrity and media culture.

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Transcript

[Nicki or Bri]

Hey, everyone, it's Nicki and Bri, and we're here to let you know that we have a podcast, the Nicki and Bri Show. Yes, and we've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. We're serving up real deal conversations that go beyond the cameras. Think Motherhood confessions, Sisterhood vibes, boss business energy and TV Live tea. Need a laugh? We got you craving inspo. We got inspiration and affirmations on deck. Want a little cry or a big Heck yes. Then that's our jam. Whether we're breaking down pop culture, sharing, parenting wins or fails, unpacking personal growth, or just riffing on everyday chaos, nothing is off limits. Plus, we welcome incredible guests, play our favorite games, and do what only sisters can. Keep it 100 while raising a glass together. So pop a bottle, hit play, and come hang with us. Listen to the Nikki and Bri show wherever you get your podcast.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

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[Maureen Callahan]

Hello and welcome to your Friday edition of the Nerve. I am your host, Maureen Callahan. And in case you did not recognize that undeniable voice, that undeniable singing talent opening our show, you know, right before the Wood Chipper caught the sound of it. And yes, yes, I am anthropomorphizing the Wood Chipper. We are having a full blown codependent relationship with the Wood chipper over here at Nerve Central. Well, that was none other than Apple Martin Nepo, spawn of Gwyneth and Chris. And she just sat for a lengthy Q and A with New York magazine, and her mother is over at British Vogue. And we are going in. We are going in. In. Then, you know, just when you think that you've seen the ultimate in celebrity idiocy, another one comes along right away just to knock that person out and to take first place, no matter how long or short. And we've. We've got a banger. We've got a winner. We've got someone who is again, immediately a nominee. No votes necessary. Nerve Awards, first Annual. This individual has also been cast in the Morning show, which is fitting because just as the Morning show is under the misapprehension that is that it is in fact prestige television. So is this individual that they are. They are smart. Now, before I commence with my prosecutorial duties, we have some great news to share. This blew us away. The nerves substack as of yesterday was ranked number one in rising culture. And that's less than a week after we announced. We cannot, I mean we kind of can believe it because our troublemaker army is adding volunteer recruits by the day and we do not believe in the draft here. Oh no, no, no, no. We want only volunteer fighters. Now our first email, our first real substack email goes out today at 3pm and it's full of all the stuff. We either can't fit into the show or we've got behind the scenes stuff. Talking to each other, talking to me. I've got a little message for you. We're going to have you know all of the stuff that you're asking for, my recommendations, et cetera, et cetera. So go check it out, subscribe, it's only $5 a month or $50 a year and send the message to Hollywood and the culture at large about what we want and how we think and that we rise. We rise. And of course we are going to get to your emails as ever with a mini tease. A tease for our mini. Which I cannot wait to do. I cannot wait for this one. It's super visual cause we're taking full advantage of it. Only living over on YouTube at the moment. And we also have a reminder for your help, your continued help I should say with our Halloween extravaganza next week. So we have got a packed nerve and our trusty wood chipper is ready. Are you ready? We're ready. So let's go. As the weather gets colder, blood pressure tends to rise due to the narrowing of blood vessels, increased salt cravings. Cravings and less physical activity. But here's the good news. You have the power to take control with 120 Life. 120 Life is a blend of great tasting super fruit juices that can actually help lower your blood pressure. Naturally. It is trusted by over 1000 health professionals and used by people just like you who have seen real measurable results. You can try it yourself risk free with their two week trial. Just go to 120life.com@ and use code nerve. That's N E R V e to save 15%. You can track your progress with a simple blood pressure monitor, watch your numbers drop and feel the difference. Plus it's completely risk free. If you don't see lower numbers in two weeks, you get your money back. Go to 120life.com that's120life.com and remember to use code nerve to, to save 15%. This is serious. This is your life we're talking about. 120. Life can help. Don't wait. Take control of your health today. Now, now for a Nepo mother and daughter for the ages. We begin with the question. You know, it's always. The question is always nature versus nurture. Is it nature or is it nurture? And to begin parsing this out, we're going to start with the mother, Gwyneth Paltrow, because we're going to try to figure out forensically, I mean, I think culturally, largely, we kind of all know, but we're going to really try to peel this apart. How did Apple Martin get to be such an asshole? And, you know, she's beyond like an asshole. She's a real mean girl. She's a real bitch, I think. And she's out here strutting her stuff in the culture like she's got real, real things to offer us. She does not. Now, we begin with Gwyneth Paltrow. We found this conversation she did at Cannes lion in 2019 and she was interviewed by a BBC Hard Talk host, Steven Sachar. Now Stephen is asking Gwyneth why she's so hated. And not only that, but about her being voted by Star magazine, the most hated celebrity in America in 2013. By the way, a cover we tried to just show as a full screen for you guys so you could see that. And that image, you'd be not surprised to know, has been scrubbed from the Internet. It seems that Gwyneth has her people scrubbing the important things, like vestiges of what we all know is the truth. So, anyway, let's hear Gwyneth talk about how that felt.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

There was this extraordinary moment in 2013 when at the very same time you were voted one magazine's most hated celebrity, while at the very same time you were People magazine's most beautiful woman in the world.

[Maureen Callahan]

Yeah.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

What was going on in your head when all that happened?

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

Well, I mean, it's. First of all, I was like, I'm.

[Maureen Callahan]

The most hated celebrity.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

Like, more than like Chris Brown. Like, what did I do?

[Maureen Callahan]

That's the point. That is the very point.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

I see where you're coming from, but maybe you just make people feel bad sometimes.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

Yeah. And I think, you know, that's never. Obviously that's never. Was never my intention, was never my intention repeating. And, but I also can't. All I can do is searching my authentic self.

[Maureen Callahan]

There we have it. Be my authentic self. You know, she's struggling, she's going. It was never my intention. It is exactly her intention. Shoving her wealth and her Privilege and shilling $500 gloves and you know, you are trying to make people feel lesser than. And I'll never forget, you know, when I was working at the Post, I had a colleague who had sources and friends deep in Gwyneth world. I don't know if I've told this story before, but she was working on an item about a recent wedding shower that one of Gwyneth's long time like schoolhood childhood friends was having. And the mother of one of these friends showed up and her gift was a more modest gift. And when she opened it, when the bride to be opened it and the box was revealed and Gwyneth saw the box, she snickered and rolled her eyes and said filing's basement. That's mean, that's nasty, that's classist. Snob. Okay, now why would anybody think that Gwyneth was trying to make them feel bad? Let's listen to Gwyneth's self report as to how she grew up. And she did not insert this B roll of a rough and tumble New York city in the 1970s and 80s. But trust me when I tell you this girl grew up highly privileged uptown Manhattan, one of the best private schools in the city, if not the nation. Spence, let's go.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

But I think that there are things about me that make people draw conclusions that can sometimes. You know, for example, there's a perception that I grew up very wealthy and that I was given just kind of wealthy, that I was sort of raised with a silver spoon in my mouth.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

The sort of Hollywood process idea, right?

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

Which inspires a lot of resentment. And actually the interesting thing is, you know, my parents did well and they. I was able to go to a fantastic school and we grew up in New York City. But the minute I left my college to try to pursue acting, my father was really supportive. But he said, you know, you're completely on your own.

[Maureen Callahan]

So you would think that Gwyneth was just really left impoverished, back against the wall. Her father said, you're completely on your own except for your godfather being Steven Spielberg who put you in Hook starring Julia Roberts when you were like a child. Despite the fact that like, you know, we have no shortage of family friends in this industry upon whom we can call. You know how it works. So shut up, Gwyneth. Shut the fuck up. Now, why would anyone think that Gwyneth is this way, this, like, super wealthy, elitist, non woman of the people? Well, let's hear her explain more from her very recent video that she did as part of her recent British Vogue cover story. Here she is sitting in the private garden with a mini orchard from her Amagansett mansion. And we've got real major Duchess of Sussex vibes. Here we go, gardening with Gwyneth Paltrow. We're looking at a blooming hydrangea flower. Here we go.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

Sorry about this. Construction that we have next door is like, totally ruining our reverie in the garden.

[Maureen Callahan]

First of all, I love the face, like reverie in our garden. And she's like, searching around like she's kind of like addled. Like she's like. Like it's kind of very like Baby Jane, you know? And by the way, by the way, that's not construction, okay? That is the wood chipper. That's the wood chipper. Sister Amaganset is not very far from nerve central out east here, okay? The wood chipper. Sometimes the wood chipper sneaks out at night like a kid going to a club. Sometimes I don't know where the wood chipper is. It's going and doing the Lord's work on its own. So the wood chipper is a real self starter. Okay? So apparently the wood chipper made its way over to Gwyneth's in Amaganit and parked right outside waiting for that. Okay, now again, here we go. Sorry, that the B roll. I meant about New York City. It's actually in the Vogue piece. It wasn't in the BBC piece. My bad. Okay, here we go.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

I'm a New York City kid, so we didn't grow up really with any access to gardening. And I feel like I used to not have a green thumb at all.

[Maureen Callahan]

And she's in the project. She had no access to vegetables, soil.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

And gardening and how everything went. I've had many moments where I've killed things, especially potted plants, you know, over watering them, under watering them.

[Maureen Callahan]

I love the. The visual. Like, they. Those editors really worked hard to make this piece look interesting because Gwyneth is kind of like a dud. Like she's sitting there in all white in her garden. That is a flex. All white. Just like the Duchess cooks in all whites and creams and beiges. It's a flex. It's a. I'm a very rich person. I. I never get a stain on me because I don't touch anything. Secondly, they they bring in this, like, close up from, like, the left side of the frame of, like, an enormous watering hose with, like, like, they're really trying to make this bore of a piece seem visually interesting. And then she talks about her killing plants because she either over waters or under waters them. And I think that's the ultimate metaphor for. For perhaps how she parented Apple, because this piece of celeb progeny is a non starter. I'm sorry. If we troublemakers exist for anything, it's to make sure this person doesn't achieve liftoff. Okay, now here is Gwyneth on why the rest of us are really positing the question. Why aren't the rest of us hanging out in our own Minneapolis orchards and gardens? Like, what are we doing with ourselves? Here we go.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

And I don't know, there's just something so satisfying and so grounding about being in your own garden where you've planted something and then you're sharing it with.

[Maureen Callahan]

People that you love.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

It's just this beautiful circle that gets completed. I think it's dual wellness aspects.

[Maureen Callahan]

I mean, it can't be trolling at this point. Is it like a combination of, like, the actual person and the trolling and the attempts at getting eyeballs and clicks over at Goop, which is struggling and has been since its inception. No matter how she's marketed this thing, Goop has yet to turn a profit. It's like 12 years old. Okay? It's not working. Gwyneth. This kind of stuff, this kind of lady of the manor. Why aren't the rest of you peons larking about barefoot in your own private gardens? Come on, stop it. In this economy. Stop, stop. Okay, so now as your cultural criminal prosecutor, that's just a little bit of our evidence. Okay, now we're gonna go. Before we get into Apple's, Apple Martin's cut profile and her attempts at singing, we will revisit. We're gonna come full circle from the very top of the show, okay? We're going to look at Apple again for Gap. Okay? Her new ad campaign with Mommy for Gap and Apple is asked the question, what makes Gap special? And if you think Apple, by the way, wasn't given these questions beforehand and she didn't sit down with her mother and with their team of publicists to figure out what would be fun, relatable answers that would make Apple likable. I mean, that is a high bar. Okay, here we go. This is the best she's got.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

Ooh.

[Maureen Callahan]

I think. I think of growing up with it. As you get older, which I think is really unique. I don't think that many other brands can say that they go from babies to adults, that you find personal items in every single one of those phases. Okay, so first of all, there are several things before I get into the. That that answer was, I hate the music. The, like, electric guitar. And then underneath that, like, the like. Like, it's all, like. It's whimsical, but it's got some authenticity with the electric guitar. And it's kind of like a reference to Daddy the rock star. But, like, we're just riffing here, right? We're just. The whole ad is one big riff. And then Apple standing there with, this is the new thing, and I hate it. The. These mini little microphones that people hold in their hands, like, hold the mini microphone. It's like a thing. It's like an affectation. It's annoying. Either wear. They call them, like, lavaliers, like the lav pin. Either wear the mic as, like, a lav, but don't hold it there like it's some little. Like. It's just. I could go into why it creates, but it's not worth wasting your time here. Now. Now, Apple, Gwyneth, whatever, they may as well be the same person. Says she grew up with the Gap. No, her mother is a sno. Okay, we're not shopping at the Gap. We are not. Number two, Apple can't think of another brand where they outfit an individual from infancy to adulthood. And by the way, that you can find personal pieces. Isn't that the point of shopping? Isn't it baked into the experience? Anyway, here, off the top of my head, are a few luxury labels that outfit individuals from infancy and into adulthood. Because you know what these people want to do. You know what these corporations want to do. They want to get you before you're verbal. They want to get you in the infantile amnesia phase, so that by the time you're a sentient human being, you're asking for Gucci, Dior, Dolce and Gabbana, Burberry, Louis Vuitton, Givenchy, Monclair, Pucci, Blue Ivy, daughter of mommy's former best friend. We have no idea why that friendship blew up. Beyonce, Blue Ivy did a Gucci campaign when she was four. Okay? Apple would kill for that. Back to Apple on her near neonatal love for Gap Kids. Oh, my God. When I was little, I remember I had so many Gap Kids stuff, and I remember being so excited walking past, like, the huge store in London. I've, like, loved clothes Since I was a baby. Okay, notice she says we would get so excited. I would get so excited walking past the Gap store in London. She doesn't say I would get so excited walking in to the Gap store in London. She just told on herself there. Number two, she says, I have. I love so many Gap Kids things like. That is not proper English. I love so many Gap Kids things. She's a, she's a self professed. Like her favorite topic, per. Sorry, her favorite college subject, per the cuts interview is English. And she says she's fallen in love with Jane Austen and Virginia Woolf and it's blown her mind. And you know, she's this incredibly literate and literary kid. Sure, sure, Apple. She can barely speak English. Okay, now we get to the key extract from, from the Cut piece. Okay, now the cut headline in New York Magazine. Apple Martin is starting senior year strong. Is anybody asking where Apple Martin is, what she's doing, let alone how she's doing? No, but here is the opening to this Q and A, this riveting Q and A again. This is, these are inches. This is, this is space in a publication, digital or otherwise, that could have been given to, to a far more interesting, deserving person that would have been a far more interesting read for its paying customers. Legacy media wonders why. Okay, I quote from this Cut piece. Apple talks about her freshman self with clear eyed humor. The version who thought she might be a lawyer. Cared too much. A lawyer. Okay, cared too much about fitting in, really. I think she's the bully. And we'll get to that. I think she makes other kids care about fitting in to a savage degree. I resume and was still figuring out what made her happy. What makes her happy. This kid wants for nothing. By the by, not for nothing, a couple of years ago, the cops were called out here in East Hampton because while mommy and daddy were gone or they were divorced at this point, I don't know, but Apple threw a rager, you know, and like people, neighbors don't take too kindly to that stuff out here. Anyway, Apple, we quote, I was so anxious about how people saw me, she says I don't believe her. And then at some point I realized I can't control that. All I can do is what feels right. This sounds like what comes out of her mother's mouth. And you know, at least she didn't say my authentic self here, which I'm sure she was dying to say. Now, as a senior resumes the Cut, Apple is saying yes to more to theater on stage and unexpectedly in the props Department to a short film with friends that's gaining traction, I'm sure. To music with the campus band and yes to campaigns, meaning fashion campaigns, not political campaigns. Now listen, there's a reason she's working in the props department. Word has it that Apple has tried out for multiple productions at Vanderbilt where she goes to school and she can't get cast in anything. Apple's favorite subject, English, I'm so sure. Specifically three courses she took with a professor who made her fall madly for Virginia Woolf. But despite being the daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay's Chris Martin, she's a typical college student. She journals, scrolls in bed and loves a baby doll dress with Danish boots or vintage jeans with a white tee. If she doesn't love her outfit, she might not go to class. Yes, Gwyneth and, and Chris have absolutely turned out an individual of depth. This interview, this Q and A in the cut is utterly banal, okay? It is. It is. What? What? I mean, it's again, it's like Kafka ask. It's just, what are we doing here? Apple Martin is not an interesting person. She is not talented. She's not unique. She doesn't have a unique lens on the world. She doesn't have something to offer us. But she is barging into our lives and demanding to be compensated richly as a spokesmodel and now a singer. And just whatever she's gonna be, she wants in our faces. And it's up to us. It's up to us to say yes or no. Now, the self selecting celebrity worshipers over at New York magazine, when they begin to turn. You got a problem, sister? Okay, and by sister, I mean both Gwyneth and Apple here. I'm just going to give you a brief rundown of the mere 25. Only a small selection of the mere 25 comments this piece generated. And I, I think I'm going to say that the nerve is, is helping with this. We are turning a corner in the culture. We're rubbernecking even at Nepo, baby. Useless celebuspawn like Apple Martin. Or even like a, like a train wreck like the Duchess of Sussex. Rubbernecking. We're not even interested in that anymore. We've had it, okay? And they're gonna suffer for this because they don't get the clicks, they don't get the likes, they don't get the ad dollars. These people, they. They get turfed out of the culture. Okay? New York magazine commenter number one. What the fuck? I know times are tough. For magazines and all, but like this. Still, I wonder how much the PR firm is paying for planting garbage like this. No one cares about her and never will stop trying to make people like her happen. Number two, the clip of Apple deliberately stealing another debutante Spotlight moment at the ball in Paris, which we are showing here. Apple pushing this girl out of the frame is quite sad. The other girl looks so confused. GP was a noted brat at Spence back in the day and raised a mini me, it seems. Number three, this sure sounds like content paid for by mom. This girl is notoriously awful. And number four, the question we at the nerve we're going to raise ourselves. Did you ask Apple about her expulsion from an exclusive LA private school because her relentless bullying of a fellow student drove the kid to an attempted suicide? No. Was that question off limits? We addressed this in an earlier nerve. An earlier nerve. Apple Martin, per stubborn persistent rumors, was kicked out of Harvard Westlake for bullying a fellow classmate to the point where this girl tried to take her own life. And Chris and Gwyneth allegedly, reportedly, according to this persistent rumor that they've never denied the made it go away. I'm sure a very big check was cut to the family of that girl. I'm sure a very big check was cut to Harvard Westlake. And off Apple went to Crossroads where Mommy graduated. Here's a little more. I mean, there are multiple Reddit threads devoted to this. This header. Apple Martin is a mean girl. Gwyneth Paltrow's Nepo baby daughter kicked at out of school for bullying. And here is the most salient comment from that Reddit thread. This is one user who claims to have the tea and it all really tracks. Comment begins I run a shop down the street from Harvard Westlake. Do you all know how shitty you have to be to be the kind of of an A lister that gets kicked out of one of these top private schools, of which Harvard Westlake is arguably the tippy top tier of these bougie expensive private schools. Here again, just this Redditor's report. I went to school with Pierce Brosnan son Sean, and he brought a grenade to school once and didn't get kicked out. Also via Reddit, as we just hypothesized, allegedly NDAs and financial arrangements were made to cover up that bullying. And again, this is the kind of charge that is so I mean, I like, I feel gross talking about it. You know, I'm just talking about it. If this were your kid, you know, wouldn't you deny this if there were zero truth to it wouldn't you say my child would never. You know I would be. Now, Apple cannot. She cannot be allowed in. I'm sorry. The VIP room, even at the woodshed, is closed straight to the wood chipper. And lucky for you, Apple, it's parked right outside mommy's house. Now, against it, has Apple booked any roles despite mommy's connections? No, she has not. Has she signed to a label despite daddy's connections? No, she has not. That is telling. That is telling. Apple Martin is clearly the product of a home in which she can do no wrong. And if you ever listen to her mother talk about her or read any of her Instagram posts, Apple's the one who teaches her. Apple's the one who Gwyneth feels indebted to for being allowed to be her mother. And you know, this is the result of crap parenting. You know, now we've got an individual out here in the cultural square who's got nothing to offer us except what seems like entitlement, spoiled, mean girl, bitch energy. And she wants into our lives. No. No, thank you. Oh, we got to do this. We got to do this. We got to do this. This is going to be the end of our segment. Apple went viral and you can tell she thinks she's such hot shit. You can tell she thinks she's going great up here. She's singing to a crowd in Nashville. She is on stage. And if you're listening, you got to go to this part of the. Of the nerve and watch it because, like, watch her like literally feeling herself like she's feeling her own body and trying to be really sexy as she's giving the emotion. This girl is so off key, it is wild. Okay, here we go. And then we will see you on the other side. So for your feedback, did she borrow Bill Barr's paid audience to whoop? 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[Nicki or Bri]

Hey, everyone, it's Nikki and Bri. And we're here to let you know that we have a podcast, the Nikki and Bri Show. Yes. And we've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. We're serving up real deal conversations that go beyond the cameras. Think motherhood confessions, sisterhood vibes, boss business energy and tv Live tea. Need a laugh? We got you craving inspo. We got inspiration and affirmations on deck. Want a little cry or a big Heck yes. That's our jam. Whether we're breaking down pop culture, sharing parenting wins or fails, unpacking personal growth, or just riffing on everyday chaos, nothing is off limits. Plus, we welcome incredible guests, play our favorite games, and do what only sisters can. Keep it 100 while raising a glass together. So pop a bottle, hit play and come hang with us. Listen to the Nikki and Bri show wherever you get your podcast.

[Maureen Callahan]

We are back. Now, before we get to troublemaker email, I saw this and I thought, okay, I, I'm gonna share it with you. I've got to share it with you, but I gotta plug it in at just the right moment. Now, Jeremy Irons is an esteemed actor with a very plummy British accent. And, you know, that makes him sound more intelligent than he is. And that is a generous statement, my friends, because this is one of the stupidest celebrities out there. And I would put him in at the level of, you know, James Brolin, who was like sort of a B list actor who was better known for his looks than his talent, and then married Barbra Streisand, father of Josh Brolin. He and okay, so this guy was once doing, if I recall correctly, he was doing a radio hit. He was doing a radio appearance and it was like, you know, several years after September 11th, but it happened to be September 11th. And the. It must have been close enough because the radio host said, oh, oh, James, you know, it's today's September 11th, and do you want to say anything about that? That, you know, terrible day. And he said, oh, yeah, I'd love to say to all your listeners, happy 9 11. Okay. Jeremy Irons, James Brolin, you got some competition. Okay, I'm just gonna say that this is Jeremy Irons, who has been cast as Jennifer, aniston's father on the morning show talking about, well, he's gonna explain incest to us and what parts of incest are actually completely acceptable. Here we go.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

Could a father not marry his son?

[Maureen Callahan]

Well, there are laws against incest.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

It's not incest between men. Incest is there to protect us from having children breeding. But men don't breed, therefore they. So incest wouldn't cover them. Now, if that was so, then if I wanted to pass on my estate without death duties, I could marry my son and pass on my estate to him.

[Maureen Callahan]

What? What? What? Okay, everyone, according to Jeremy Irons, it's really not incest if it's a father abusing his son because men can't procreate. Okay, then. He plays a professor, by the way, like it's implied. He's an Ivy League professor on the morning show. Great casting. Great casting. Whoever that casting director is, really, aside from whoever hired Billy Crudup, he's untouchable here at the Nerve as an actor. Forget it. Okay, now to your feedback. This header class is in session. This is from troublemaker Rachel. Maureen, first off, I am a teacher who commutes three, three hours a day to get to the only school system near us that pays me what I need to make to simply provide all of my family's needs and some occasional wants. Listening Gwyneth and Apple. That means I have a lot of time in the car and coming across your show is like having the greatest co pilot I could ever ask for to keep me company. Rachel, that is among the greatest compliments we could ever get here at Team Nerve. Rachel would like to add a thought to the episode in which we were discussing the box office bombs of former A list bulletproof stars such as Leonardo DiCaprio, Julia Roberts, et cetera. She says so many of us turn to them to entertain us so we can have some reprieve from all that is going on. Including commuting three hours a day, right to a job that's just paying you enough to get by. And when they decide Rachel says to lecture us from their million dollar soapboxes, it's tone deaf and out of touch to say the least. And that says nothing. That's to say nothing of demystifying themselves all over social media, trying to make us jealous of their lifestyles, which we paid for. And we're not jealous. We just don't want to see your bullshit. Okay? Thank you, Rachel. Rachel, we love you. Okay, this is from Kate. Hi, Maureen, fan of the show, wanted to pass along this T Shirt, which we're showing you full screen. It seems like it was custom made for the Nerve and yet it was a pre existing artifact in the wild, I think before the Nerve was ever born. And in case you are listening and not watching, this website, which is called Effin Birds and I will be a paying customer, trust me, is showing a T shirt of a huge duck or some kind of bird and underneath it says, eat wood chips, fuck stick. Hi, Maureen. Did you hear about the upcoming series on Netflix about the Kennedys? I did. It's starring Michael Fassbender as patriarch Joseph. I believe I know the origins of this because ask not you know, it's been optioned and then it's fallen through and optioned and fallen through. And one of the things that our team was constantly hearing was that George Clooney's production company was working up a Kennedy, like a Kennedy fixture, like, like a scripted series that would be like America's version of the Crown. And all I can say is, oh my God, guys, read the fucking room. No one's going to buy that shit. Okay? Ask not let the horse out of the barn. Like everybody knows what's up with the Kennedys. I've heard you guys, by the way, who want me to cover something happening next week regarding a Kennedy wife. Not to worry, we're all over it. Ma', am, I am a USMC disabled vet. Thank you for your service. I live alone. You always brighten my day and give me a laugh. Oh, my God, are you kidding? Thank you for all you do. Keep it up. Semper fi. Roger. Roger, thank you for your service. Your email made my day. Okay, you guys, I think we may have new terminology, which, I mean, I saw this, I laughed out loud. Yeah, count me as another mo bro. A mo bro. If everyone else is like me, it starts as a guilty pleasure and then you just go with it. So I was listening in my workshop this morning. I love this. Sucked into the latest royal drama. Oh, thinking, what is the point of being king if your son, daughter in law and brother can publicly wag their asses in your face and you just have to take it. I think Prince William is having the very same dialogue with himself. I had to stop and Google, why can't King Charles lock Prince Andrew in a tower? I know he can't. Just not why he can't. I'll spare you the answer I got back. Just saying, leave it to a bunch of European inbreds to fuck up the concept of royalty for everyone. Hey, you know what, my friend? Talk to Jeremy Irons. Okay. He has some thoughts on inbreeding. Not so bad apparently. I think we all know who this is from because the. The greetings. The openings to this troublemaker's emails are becoming iconic. My darling comma, your observations on Drew Barrymore's talk show performance are spot on. But there's one thing you miss. Drew has train wreck appeal. She's always one step from disaster. And you know we're rubbernecking with her. It's true. We are, at least for the moment, signed off. I love you too much. Exclamation point. Armando, we love you. I'm sorry, that was Oprah adjacent. Sorry, what am I thinking? I just had an espresso and I think it's a little. Still working its way through the system. Okay, Tanking celebs. Troublemaker Sarah, one major reason celebrities like Julia Roberts are losing popularity is their excessive involvement in politics. We don't want to hear from you. Roberts's overt promotion of Kamala Harris was cringe slash annoying. Additionally, her heavy handed rhetoric and moral admonitions. Sarah, I love the word admonition. I have not heard it in quite a while. Her moral admonitions about getting vaccinated during the COVID pandemic were tiresome. Dear Maureen, okay, this. Please keep anonymous re Julia Roberts. True story. Julia Roberts dropped out of this project, announced in 2019, the film adaptation of Joe Piazza's book. Charlotte Walsh likes to win because her psychic told her to. Now that's according to our anonymous troublemaker. But you guys, you know, wherever you speak, I also want to say that the segment we're planning for next week on psychics and the paranormal and mediums and stuff, we are coming at it open heartedly, in good faith. We are not doing it in any sort of way to make fun. And we're already getting emails from some of you who do have the gift. So thank you. We are working our way through them as we speak. This is from troublemaker Mary, who signs board in Ohio. Well, Mary, if we're doing our job, at least while you're listening to us, you're not bored. Headline. I don't want movie stars to talk. Maureen Redford didn't talk. Newman didn't talk. Tom Cruise doesn't talk. At least since he jumped on Oprah's couch. Still love you, Tom. Love Tom. Brad doesn't talk. Cary Grant didn't talk. They made themselves rare. And that is awesome. Cruise now only does social media when promoting a movie. He is rare. They make you go to the movies. I do not want to know about their personal lives. Again, check with Jeremy Irons. Do we really want to know how dumb you are? Movie stars tanking from Pam. Wow, this segment really hit a nerve with you guys. No pun intended. I for one have refused to watch all movies and TV series that have been created in the last five to 10 years. The fact, oh, we're going to really get to this with the morning show this week, you guys. You're going to die. The fact that mainstream has. Mainstream media has been shoving their agendas down our throats. LGBTQ plus, climate activism, politics. My absolute pet peeve. This is a great one. The kick ass I don't need a man female lead who can mysteriously beat up 10 guys singing my song. Pam has turned me off of movies entirely. I am fed up with similar issues with my light. Read books too. I just want to store. I don't want to be preached to. I had the same issue. You know, I picked up Stephen King's Holly and I read Stephen King religiously as a kid. Hadn't read him in a while, heard great things about Holly, picked it up, was humming along, was really into it. And suddenly I find myself in. In a polemic about how evil people who don't mask up are. You know, it just took me right out of it. And I'm like my Gen Z millennial son. Pam continues, agrees. Gen Z millennial son agrees. Movies from the last 10 years, Hollywood has lost generations of movie lovers. I miss looking forward to going to the movies. Me too. I don't miss. You know what I do look forward to going to really? If you're near a movie theater, if you're lucky enough to be a movie theater that does revivals, it's great. It's great. Okay. Troublemaker Nurse. For 12 years here I've seen. This is to Drew and her feet. I've seen so many private parts and dealt with all the bodily fluids and feet still gross me out. Two more. Two more. This headline, the header, sorry, rather Ryan Reynolds, arsonist. Maureen. I know that was his excuse. Ryan said he set fire to a tree and then the school somehow caught fire. But he could not have set fire to a tree at that time of year. Weather conditions. Excuse me. Weather conditions in Vancouver, March 1987, exceptionally wet. You can Google it. And here is where the troublemaker call goes out. If you went to school with Ryan Reynolds, if you were a student, a teacher or an administrator when that school burned down, if you were a firefighter or any kind of first responder when that school burned down. Reach out to me Maureen at Devil May Care Media DM me on Instagram at Maureen callahanriter or at the Nerve show. Reach out. We can keep you anonymous, but we are not dropping this story. We are not Ryan Reynolds set fire to an elementary school, his old elementary school in Vancouver and burned it down. And in at least one subsequent interview he laughed about it. And he said, and I'm basically quoting verbatim, gee, I hope some poor schmuck didn't go to prison for what I did. If you like to cook, let's talk for a minute about those ultra processed canola oils that are likely in your pantry. Those ultra processed canola oils are industrial byproducts that were once used as worship lubricants and deemed unfit for human consumption. And then big food corporations sold us all on seed oils while dismissing the natural animal animal fats our grandparents swore by. And that's where Golden Age Fats steps in. Their 100% American made grass fed beef tallow revives that wholesome tradition. It makes your fried chicken, steaks, eggs or roasted veggies taste incredible. Think 90s McDonald's fries. Need I say more? Golden Age Fats is packed with vitamins, minerals and healthy fatty acids and its high smoke point is ideal for any recipe. You will feel satisfied, energized without the heavy crash that seed oils bring. It is clean, no additives, no preservatives, just pure Midwest tallow from grass fed cows. If you are ready to go back to the basics, give Golden Age Beef Tallow a try. Go to goldenagefats.com Maureen and use code MAUREEN for 25% off your first order. That's goldenagefats.com MAUREEN and code MAUREEN for 25% OFF your first order.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

Hey everyone, it's me, Andy Cohen. Buckle up because I have a podcast.

[Maureen Callahan]

Called Daddy Diaries where I take my.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

Listeners on an as it happened recount.

[Maureen Callahan]

Of life as a daddy to two.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

Kids, dozens of housewives, and the occasional fella.

[Maureen Callahan]

Listen to the Daddy Diaries to hear about my high highs and low lows of parenting, housewives, drama, and so much more.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

Daddy Diaries available wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Nicki or Bri]

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[Maureen Callahan]

We are back. Now is the time when we dip into our favorite hand hate. Watch the morning show on Apple tv, season four, episode six. And you know, to so many of those emails that we just read from troublemakers who are like, when is Hollywood going to learn its lesson and just give us entertainment without DEI messaging, without telling half the country that they're repulsive and repugnant because they voted for somebody Hollywood doesn't approve of? Okay, now, they opened this episode very smartly with a flashback. And it's Corey from a prior season. Corey, Billy Crudup at an elevator. And you know, everything's melting down at UBN in the morning show. And Corey, that chaos agent is loving it. And he says, chaos, it's the new cocaine. And oh, my God, if I do not love this cat. This character was built for the Nerve, okay? Like, if the Nerve had a budget where we could hire an expensive executive, like a Corey Ellis, like, fire. Fire. So now we're going to begin. You know, there's this maxim in screenwriting, and it's really situational, but for the most part, I find it to be true that when you have to have a character give voiceovers to the audience to either let them know what's happening or to tell them what's happening in any given character's head, it's a cheat. It means you're. It means you're working with really bad writing in that script. Really bad. And in this case, it is 100% to true. Excuse me, 100% true. Now, Greta Lee Stella, who has gotten the job she has always wanted, head of news. I believe the writing's so sloppy, I can barely keep track. But anyway, she's like, she's a top person there. Okay? She is going. She begins the show with her internal monologue that we are now privy to. And I'll tell you, we'll get into it on the, on the back end of this. Here we go.

[Greta Lee Stella (character from The Morning Show)]

When Corey offered me head of news, I laughed in his face. Legacy media, a corporate tool of the white center, right? I let him pay for lunch and I walked away.

[Maureen Callahan]

Okay. A corporate tool of the white center, right? So legacy media is a corporate tool of basically white supremacy. Male white supremacy. It's really sloppy writing and it's really bad acting. Greta Lee is usually great. I think she's really struggling with this stuff. I really do. It's bad, bad writing. It is like. It's a. It's a. It's a cudgel. It's not a. It's not a scalpel. The best writing's a scalpel. Anyway, now we go over to Jennifer Aniston, who, again, like, she's just supposed to be like a star of the show, of the morning show, but her character has now been written in a very Sarah Jessica Parker way. Not only is she the center of everything that goes on, on the show, everything. And. And she's like a. She's like. She's an executive now. She may as well be running the whole network. I don't know how this is happening, but she goes to see Bro. Okay, Our podcast star, the morning shows. Just discovered podcasting. His name is Bro, and he's performing at a New York City comedy club in his off hours. And this comedy club is called the Union Square Comedy Club. Union Square is in downtown New York City, and it looks nothing like what a New York City comedy club would look like. The real ones are like, they always have a little bit of a seedy feel to them. Even the ones that are kind of mainstream that you would find in Times Square. There is an ineffable seediness to them. And this one seems just way too posh, way too clean, way too well lit and decorated and designed. And it seems like la. It just seems like la. They just cannot get anything right on the show, tonally or otherwise. Now, in Bro's bit that we're going to listen to here, we get a meta reference to Jennifer Aniston, because this is part of the narrative. She loves. She loves to pretend she's a victim with this narrative, but it envelops her like pig pens, dust cloud. Did you guys know that Jennifer Aniston doesn't have children? Here we go.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

You gotta have prenup, right? I mean, a set of expectations, a code. Here's mine. 1. Always be honest with me. Except about whether or not you had to finish yourself off with a vibrator while I was in the shower. It gets Better do not.

[Maureen Callahan]

Jennifer's not laughing my porn.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

Seriously, you'll never look at Daphne and Scooby the same three. My outlook on life is I'd like to have one. So no kids. If you feel bad about that, we can rent them.

[Maureen Callahan]

Jennifer's smirking. She's smirking. Okay, that is a meta reference to Jennifer being a winner at life, you know, because she doesn't have kids. And by the way, the before that, before in the run up to that which we didn't show, I kind of debated it, but I just thought I would tell you guys, Bro is told by a couple in the crowd that they're there for their anniversary. And I swear to God, I swear to you guys, one half of that couple, the non verbal couple, looks like a slimmer younger Che Diaz. And trust me, that is by design. I guarantee you. And I guarantee you know why? I mean this show really does kind of meld in many ways within just like that now because as stated before in last week's wrap up, Jennifer Aniston as the star of the show, all men have to just fall at her feet. All men. All men want her. No man can resist her. Even though she has made so many interventions to her face that it is distracting to look at at best. Now we're going to watch BRO do the same and watch the actors mannerisms because not only the closer I looked at, I was like, this guy is employing Brad Pitt's mannerisms and tics. Especially Brad Pitt in the oceans movies where Brad will like sort of swirl a few fingers of like scotch in a highball glass and then like toss it back like that and just be like, it's like super cool body language. And then I'm like, Bro is actually kind of resembles Brad a bit. Like he's got the blue eyes and the sort of square jaw. Here we go, bro. As Jen's delusional Brad Pitt stand in falling at her feet. Let's go.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

What do you think's going to happen in November election? I'm cautiously optimistic that an asteroid Florida. Why are you asking? People want fresh voices. America likes outsiders. I could be that.

[Maureen Callahan]

What? Oh God, wait a second. I'm sorry. You want to go into politics?

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

I've got a platform. I've got an audience.

[Maureen Callahan]

Dummy. Bro Podcaster, I need you. I. I think you need to lay off those programs.

[Podcast Advertiser or Host (e.g., Andy Cohen)]

I want to host the UBN presidential debate. You get me on stage, let the people see that I'm serious, that I belong up there. You do that for me, I'll do the Olympics for you. I think we might need to rethink that threesome thing. And I want to. Honestly, I wouldn't share you with anyone.

[Maureen Callahan]

Oh, God. Okay, first of all, like, this guy who's been called human trash by the Jennifer Aniston character would care. Number two, this guy, super famous, good looking, has a sense of humor. He's on Raya. He is on only fans finding his play things. Number three, this is so. This writing is so bad. Number one, he wouldn't be negotiating on his own. He is age. He would just be like, talk to my agents, talk to my managers. Number two, this is set in 2024. This is sent. This is set light years away from us. You know, this is set in the dinosaur age. Excuse me. That's a better analogy. And you know what? It's like they're talking 2024, and she's clearly Kamala and he's clearly Trump, and she's like, are you fucking kidding me? You want to get into politics? You want to get into politics? Here's what happened. Jennifer Aniston and writing and, like, morning show staff. Trump went on Joe Rogan, and he stayed there for, like, three hours, bro. Wouldn't be needing to go through all these layers of bureaucracies to get permission. He would just have that candidate on his own show and get the ratings and the eyeballs and his own advertiser dollars. That's even. That's it. He's not going to Legacy Media for permission to be anointed as, you know, a presidential debate moderator. It's not happening. It's not happening. Okay. Anyway, back to more of the things that are driving all of us away from, you know, mainstream entertainment. Stella and her inner monologue about taking the job that she died for that she would have thrown her grandmother under the bus for. And you know what it is? We're back to dei. Here we go.

[Greta Lee Stella (character from The Morning Show)]

I took the job because it was impossible. I wanted the chance to fix something unfixable, show the world that I could run the place without slitting any throats, that I could do it differently from Corey, from Paul. Then little by little, my inner straight white guy started clawing his way out, telling me to get it done no matter what the cost.

[Maureen Callahan]

Again, really bad acting that is really overworked dialogue. She. We end the scene with a single tear sliding out of Stella's left eye, which brought to mind this evergreen.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

Oh, my God.

[Maureen Callahan]

It's crazy. One tear, left eye. Go. An actress for our time, truly. Okay. Stella then goes on to Muse with her, the man she's sleeping with, who happens to be married to her boss. So that's gonna really end well. She talks to him about how they should really just go somewhere and hide out together. And whatever he suggests, I forget because I was too busy taking notes about the things that really matter in this episode. She says, oh, yeah, sure, that's a land filled with, quote, the oppressors of my ancestors. Who talks like this? Who talks like this? And we will end today's morning show, wrap up with Stella interrogating her AI self on her job performance and the only thing that matters in said execution thereof. Here we go.

[Greta Lee Stella (character from The Morning Show)]

Am I a good CEO? I think so, but, you know, I'm a little biased. What makes me good? You've cut costs, you've increased revenue. UBN Stock is up 6% since you took over. So money. Is there another metric? What about company culture? Opening doors for underrepresented groups? Like the Iranian fencer? No, like our employees. The demographic shifts at UBN have been the same for the past five years.

[Gwyneth Paltrow (voice or quoted)]

So.

[Maureen Callahan]

Rolling her eyes, Mia's right.

[Greta Lee Stella (character from The Morning Show)]

I'm Corey 2.0. I'm not an ally. Do you think you're an ally?

[Maureen Callahan]

Furrowed brow.

[Greta Lee Stella (character from The Morning Show)]

I made an Asian woman lick up a martini to close the deal. So, no, I guess not. I'm racist and sexist and I stepped on people who look like me to get to where I am. If you didn't do that, would you have gotten the CEO job? Of course not. Because equality doesn't matter. Fairness doesn't matter. It doesn't make the stock move. Which is why it's only a matter of time before I get fired and replaced with the white guy, because at least he plays golf.

[Maureen Callahan]

We are exhausted. We are exhausted with this bullshit. Oh, my God, she's Asian. The head of the network is a French woman. They're. They're people of col. All over the place in this newsroom, and she's saying I'm racist and I'm sexist and. Oh, my God, am I an ally? Am I an ally? Oh, you know what? I'm not. I made some. An Asian woman lick a martini. Spilled martini off a table to close a deal, which I totally forgot happened again. This is how bad the writing is. You know what, honey? You are a corporate executive. You are a high level, a high functioning psychopath. That's how you should identify. Just own it. Just be like, I'm a fucking psychopath. They come in all colors, all races, all genders, whatever. You. Get out. Get out. Get out again. I mean, it's a job I would never want, but put me in the writer's room. This is insane. This is such turgid, turgid. Eat your vegetables bullshit. Identity politics. It's supposed to be a gossipy, soapy, fun show about the backstabbing and the bitery that goes on in a newsroom. And my friends, again, listen, you want the real deal for that? Go over and watch the newsreader. Go over and watch that Australian supernova of a show. You will thank me later. That does it. That does it. For your Friday edition of the Nerve. Come back tomorrow, please, for our weekly Saturday mini Nerve Again. This one is going to be super visual, super fun. We have one of your favorites joining us and yeah, we're really looking forward to it. Again, if you haven't already, go over to thenerveshow.a substack.com that's thenerveshow.substack.com and subscribe. Also, you can grab your Nerve merch. Grab something for yourself or maybe a little stocking stuffer. Never too early. Shop the nerve.com and then we will see you back here on Tuesday for a full episode of the Nerve, where you will never guess what we're about to say next.

[Nicki or Bri]

Hey, everyone, it's Nikki and Bri. And we're here to let you know that we have a podcast, the Nikki and Bri Show. Yes. And we've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. We're serving up real deal conversations that go beyond the cameras. Think Motherhood, Confessions, Sisterhood vibes, boss business energy, and TV Live tea. Need a laugh? We got you craving inspo. We got inspiration and affirmations on deck. Want a little cry or a big? Heck yes. That's our jam. Whether we're breaking down pop culture, sharing parenting wins or fails, unpacking personal growth, or just riffing on everyday chaos, nothing is off limitless. Plus, we welcome incredible guests, play our favorite games, and do what only sisters can. Keep it 100 while raising a glass together. So pop a bottle, hit play and come hang with us. Listen to the Nicki and Bri Show. Wherever you get your podcast, come to.

[Maureen Callahan]

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