← The Nerve with Maureen Callahan
The Nerve with Maureen Callahan
Lena Dunham's Insufferable NYT Interview, SJP's Need for Relevance, and Mel Robbins' Toilet Tutorial
01:37:24
Maureen Callahan goes all in on Lena Dunham's softball NYT's interview with David Marchese, taking apart his questions that cater to Lena Dunham's agenda, Lena's failure to be honest about herself, her unhealthy relationship with her parents, her glaring health problem that is never mentioned, and her self-hatred veiled in female empowerment. Maureen also rips into Sarah Jessica Parker's Instagram post about the return of Artemis II before reading through Troublemaker feedback about Meghan Markle's dress code refusal, Jon Hamm's past offenses, and Tiger Woods' drug addiction. Then Maureen is joined by Producer Marlaina for a catch-up on an alleged Tiger Woods sighting, why we haven't landed on the moon since 1969, and Mel Robbins' latest edition of useless information. Lean: Discover how to achieve dramatic weight loss results without the needles, visit https://TAKELEAN.com and use code MAUREEN for 20% off plus free rush shipping Wild Alaskan Company: Get $35 off your first box o...
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If you're looking for new ways to get ahead, then you're our kind of person. We're Udemy and we help learners like you upskill in AI productivity, leadership and management and more. Learn at your own pace from real world experts. You can also prep for certifications that show employers what you know upskill for the career you want@udemy.com now back to your regularly scheduled listening. And that is the Artemis footage from the Dark side of the Moon which speaks to us at the Nerve. Because if we are not the cultural dark side of the moon, who is. Welcome back. Welcome to your Tuesday edition of the Nerve. I am your host Maureen Callahan. We are so happy to be back together after our week long spring break. We rested. We are ready. There is so much going on. You know, Marlena was away at an undisclosed location and it didn't matter because we were texting every day about the show and what we were going to do when she came back. And Paul from New Zealand, Paul and Pam from New Zealand have a theory as to where Marlena was and exactly where this undisclosed location may be. And we will get into it with her later in the show. But first, first, Lena Dunham is re entering the chat. Lena Dunham is back out hawking her memoir. It's called Fame Sick. She's getting, she's getting treated very seriously by very many publications. August Legit long standing public publications are treating this sick freak like she's someone we should be listening to. And I'm not being mean. She's sick. She's a very, very, very sick woman. Just not in the way she thinks she is. Now the New York Times, they gave it to us on a platter. It was almost like the troublemakers over at the New York Times were like, you know what, we should time dropping not just the print interview for the magazine but the video version of, of said interview right before the Nerve comes back. Let's give that to them. Let's have the Nerve slice and dice this horse shit. No problem. You got it. We're going in Lena Dunham after that. We have troublemaker feedback of course and we are going to have a chat with Marlena who's going to update us all and just give us some really good, you know, she fooled me over over the break. It was a very, very sick practical joke and we're going to get into it. So are you ready? Are you ready? Let's go. If you are looking to lose weight but you're not interested in painful weekly injections with scary side effects, There is an alternative, a weight loss supplement called Lean. The doctors at Brickhouse Nutrition created Lean for frustrated dieters with 10 or more pounds to lose. It's made with studied ingredients that have been shown to lower blood sugar, burn fat by converting it into energy, and curb your appetite and cravings. One note. Lean is not for the casual dieter. With only a few pounds to lose. You can get started with 20% off and free rush shipping, so you can add Lean to your diet and exercise plan as soon as possible. Visit takelean.com Enter Maureen for your discount. That's promo code maureenake lean.com we are back, and so is Lena Dunham. She's gained about 300 pounds. She's had a series of films and television shows that have bombed. And so she's written a book so she can get some more attention. And the book is called Fame Sick. And it's all about how fame made her sick. And we innocent bystanders out here, innocent bystanders just trying to get by, have made her life a misery because we don't understand her. Listen, sister, we don't care to understand you. You keep shoving your psychosis in our faces. So we're gonna do it, okay? We're really going to do it. We are going to give it to Lena in the only way she deserves. The Access Hollywoods, you know, the New York Times, the Elle magazines of the world, the. The Guardian, they're all profiling this trick like she is an oracle. She is a millennial oracle for the ages. Lena Dunham has one topic of interest, and that is Lena fucking Dunham. Now, as we begin to brace ourselves for this, for this piece, which, when I tell you I loved writing this piece so much and I loved putting it together and pulling the clips, and I just. I feel like as I am, I am so in the zone. As your cultural criminal prosecutor, I defy anyone else to take Lena Dunham seriously. After the nerve is through with her. First, this headline recent from the Onion says it all. Nation boards up windows, retreats to cellar. As Lena Dunham reenters the news cycle, she is out on her book tour, theaters throughout America doing her tour from a bed on stage. A bed. She's not Tracy Emin. No matter what she tells you, she's doing it from a bed. And I'm saying this because it's relevant and everybody's ignoring it. She is morbidly obese. She has. She's not even 40 years old yet, and she has eaten herself into such morbid obesity that the only way she can do an event that lasts an hour to 90 minutes is to do it from a bed. This is a very sick person. Of course, the New York Times. David Marchese sat down with her. David, freshly off. Our coverage on the Nerve from interviewing that quack, that Charlotte, in just my opinion, Jay Shetty, now he's sitting down with Lena Dunham. They sat down at the New York Times offices in their little pod area. And David. Okay, David's going to ask his questions, and then I'm going to tell you the questions I would have asked. And we're going to slice and dice this interview to the bones, okay? It's going in the burn pile. Okay, David, you need to do some real prep work. When you sit down with cultural miscreants and offenders like this, they have a lot to answer for. A lot. Lena Dunham damaged at least one generation of women. At least one, maybe more. Now, this interview has two headlines. The YouTube headline is. The original headline for print was Lena Dunham is. It's something like. But this is the sum and substance. Lena Dunham is still trying to figure out why people hated her. And I find that it's entirely problematic. First of all, do not use the past tense. It's present tense. We all still fucking hate her, okay? Secondly, it's not a passive thing. Like, it's not like poor little Lena Dunham is just out here in the world and everybody's being mean to her. She's the kid at school everybody picks on. No, Lena asks for this stuff with the stupid shit she says, with the dangerous stuff she does, with the messaging, with her bad art. That's maybe the worst of it. Her art's bad. The YouTube title for this interview, why do bad things happen to Lena Dunham? Again, it's extremely passive. She's just a victim out here and bad things keep happening to her. It's the other way around, you guys. It's the direct. It's called consequences. The bad things that happen to Lena Dunham are because Lena Dunham makes sure that bad things are going to happen to her. Just like today's episode of the Nerve. Great for us, bad for Lena. The Times continues with this very lengthy headline. She's still trying to figure it out. I thought she was a genius. I thought the mainstream media told us that Lena Dunham was a voice like no other. Generational. You know, she's a. So. But she can't figure out why her life is a complete fucking mess, why her career is, like, on life support. I've got many theories as to the multiple, multiple animating factors that have resulted in Lena being this much of a mess, I mean, she's a morbidly obese. Again at the nerve. We are very, very wary and skeptical of GLP1s. Except, except if you are morbidly obese and you, you have to lose that weight. And Lena, is she on one? I don't know. I saw some social media images of her. She looked like she'd maybe lost 20 pounds, maybe. But when you're out here presenting yourself like this, you're, you're saying you're giving us a message and the message is that you are not well. You are not well. So I don't think Lena should be telling any of us anything. Okay, now we begin with Lena telling David. Now she's made it part of her brand, that she is a product of a very, in its circle, well known New York art world family. Her parents are both artists. Her father's a visual artist. He's a complete perv. We're going to talk about the way the art world tries to like normalize a lot of shit that just should not be normalized. Her father's a complete perv. Her mother. Her medium is dollhouses. Here's Lena talking to David, sharing her father's response to. This is her second memoir. Again, this is a short life. Second memoir. By the way, I have it on very good authority. Her first memoir, I believe she got paid 7 million for her first memoir. She had a ghostwriter. Just what I've heard on very, very, very good authority. Okay, here's her father responding to memoir number two.
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My father said one of the most amazing things which as he said, it's hard for me to understand why anyone would want to publish a book such as this and the such as this. And he said, it's beautifully written. I'm very proud of you. Some people are going to really understand it, connect to it and feel it's for them. And some people are going to say, why won't she shut the fuck up already?
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Her father hates her. I've published several books and I can tell you that my parents were nothing but proud. You know, she's sitting there, by the way too. She's wearing like an enormous prize pin. Like those prizes you get, like first place, second place, third place that you used to get at like track meets or like oratorical competitions. So she's asking for it, right? She's asking for us to make fun of her. This is a person. These people exist. I'm sure you've met them. She's got a kink. And her kink is being a victim. Her kink is being humiliated. Her kink is being. Is having her body as a public topic of discussion, debate and disgust. That's what gets Lena off. And Lena, who is nearly 40 years old, grew up in New York City, had a good shot at show business. It's not going well. I don't think it's that long for this world. But you would think she's seen some stuff, met some people, been to some places and would have overriding subjects to talk about other than herself. She does not. This is a very limited person in every way. Intellectually, spiritually, socially, psychologically and emotionally limited. The only thing unlimited about Lena is her appetite. Her appetite for food and her appetite. Did Marlena just laugh for disgusting the rest of us, okay, trust me, that's exactly. She's out here. She. She's getting the exact response she's looking for. We're all recoiling in disgust. And then she turns around and like Oprah on that two part primetime special where she was like a hawk for Ozempic, turns around, says, you're mean. You hurt my feelings. You're making me sad. You're doing it to yourself, sister. Okay. David asks David, oh my God, I cannot believe this guy has a job at the New York Times. Or maybe I can. He asks Lena, why are you so misunderstood? I reject the premise. I think we all understand Lena quite well. But David wants to know what the martyr Lena Dunham has to say about why she's so woefully misunderstood. Here we go.
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C
Do you have a hope that in publishing the book you will be better understood by the public?
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No, David. She wrote it so nobody would get.
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And one of the reasons I took so long to write the book was it was really important to me that I not put it out from a place of saying, like, here's a referendum on how I feel that I have been perceived. Because I. I feel like every.
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Exactly what it is.
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Two years they publish a new article about a woman and they're like blank is finally telling all. Beep is finally herself. ABC in her own words. And it's like, in a lot of ways, I think it's about keeping a career arc alive. And I wanted to make sure that in publishing the book that I knew what my own aims were. And I don't like revenge writing. I don't like writing that's like, here I am. Kiss my ass. Like it's. It was really like, hopefully I know there are other people who will understand this. And more than ever before, I feel that I'm at peace with the fact that there are people who will never understand and they don't need to.
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Okay, first of all, this is exactly why Lena wrote her book. She's out there doing exactly what she says she doesn't like. So and so is finally telling her story. So so and so finally owns her voice. So and so. You know, it's like, I don't need to be out in the public square going like. But you are. You are now, David, instead of asking an inane, idiotic softball questions, like, did you write this book in the hopes that people would understand you better? Yeah. That's what memoir is. That's the premise of memoir. David, how about you ask Lena these questions? Hey, Lena, you falsely accused a guy of rape in your last book. Why'd you do that? How'd you get out of getting sued by him? What kind of a check did you have to cut to him? Hey Lena, you wrote about sexually molesting your little sister. What impact do you think that trauma has had on her? Not that you just molested her, but that you wrote about it in your book like it was nothing. Like it's a quark. Hey Lena, you dumped your adopted dog. After years of having him with you and showing him off in the pages of Vogue and taking him with you to TV studios and sets, you dumped that fucking dog and then you lied about it. Why'd you do that? What kind of a heartless fucking bitch dumps dog? Hey Lena, you're such a big fucking feminist. Why did you defend a writer on girls, A man on your staff who was credibly accused of rape by a young woman, the daughter of a very well known actor who filed a fucking police report, but you immediately issued a press release with your then partner, who later dropped her. Wonder why? Her business partner and producing partner, Jenny Connor. Why'd you do that? What kind of a feminist doesn't believe women? Why should any of any of us? Especially females. No, you know what? Males too. Because they're. They're all her victims. Why should any of us extend you an iota of sympathy, of seeking to understand you when you're such a fucking miserable, dangerous cretin? Why? And now you want us to buy your book. David, that is a line of questioning. That's a line of fucking questioning. Now Lena has serious daddy issues. Very serious. Here we go.
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I mean, I was very early, had an early experience of the alt right Internet that I Think was very specific. And then it also meant something different to people who were just like turning it into a sassy punchline. But I didn't feel. I remember there was a day, and this is not in the book, where I was going to vote with my father. And I'd been on the. I'd been campaigning for Obama. It was 2012. And I remember he said, like, I don't know, maybe he's just going, I don't know if I want to go vote with like, Lena Dunham. And I was like, my father feels like going to vote with me is going to like signal something when he just is like a WASPy man who wants to get in and get out.
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Okay, There are many things going on here, one of which is professional jealousy. Her father is basically the equivalent of an outsider artist. Her mother, she says, apparently in the book, it's on. I just got the book, so it's on my pile and I'm getting to it immediately. But basically Lena posits that her mother is jealous of her success as well. They don't like her. And I think a lot of dark stuff went on in that house. A lot, A lot. Before we get into Lena talking about why it's so crazy that her father was like, yeah, I don't want to go to vote with Lena Dunham. Lena begins that portion of the interview by saying, you know, I was attacked by like the alt right Internet. Like, it was all coming from like right leaning people. You know, the liberals get me. But you know, Lena, it's not political. And I'm gonna. She's the one. She's the one who vilifies other people. And I'm gonna read a little bit from this column I wrote when it was after that incident with the girl staffer, when she and Jenny issued that statement that he was innocent and that this was a false rape accusation. And basically in some substance. The point of the column was fuck all the way off. Fuck all the way off, Lena. Just get the fuck out of our lives. This is a part of the column from referencing her first memoir. First memoir. So begins a chapter called Barry, named for the student she claimed raped her as a college student at Oberlin, Barry Dunham wrote, was an unstylish white Republican who had a mustache, wore cowboy boots. That's code. That's code. Lena. You know the, you know who the biggest. One of the biggest producers, showrunners in the world is right now? Taylor Sheridan, Yellowstone, etc. TWAT. And hosted a radio show. Wait, what happened here? A girl he'd once had sex with, Dunham wrote, said Barry left her bedroom spattered, quote, like a crime scene in blood. Dunham wrote that she had, quote, a few versions of the story in her mind. But other people, including, curiously, a girls writer named Murray, same name as the guy they defended, helped her see that she'd been raped. The only problem with this story, just one guy in Dunham's time frame on her campus fit the description. His name was Barry. He'd never raped her. Whether Dunham knew or cared about the damage she'd done, falsely accusing a man the media quickly identified, giving unfair leverage to those who would doubt future victim stories became typically less important than her experience of the whole media maelstrom. And I quote Lena. I had hoped beyond hope. It's always everything with her. It's always, like, too much. I had hoped beyond hope that the sensitive nature of the event, meaning her ostensible rape. Show me a rape victim who calls what happened to them an event, quote, would be honored and that no one would attempt to reopen. You know, fuck off. Fuck off. This is the kind of stuff that destroys lives. Falsely accusing a man of rape is about as low as it fucking gets. But Lena says her father adores her. Here we go.
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C
It's crazy.
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Yeah, it's crazy. That's your father?
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Yeah.
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So who's like, my best friend in the world,
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David, is so pathetic here. He's like, you like me, right? You like me? Like, I just. I'm just, like, going to be goofy and ask you just toss softball after softball. You've got one of the most loathed women in the Western world right in front of you, and this is what you do. And, you know, she also says here that Girls, which was the HBO show that she was, was, and is most famous for, I believe, again, the mastermind truly was Judd, because she has never come near replicating that shows buzziness. I'm not going to say quality. I'm going to say buzziness. But it was watched by fewer than 1 million people per week. She says that here, and those people lived on the east coast and the west coast because the media coverage did not match the eyeballs on that thing. Okay? Most of America wasn't watching Girls didn't give a flying about four Nepo babies, and it was a junior Sex in the City. It was a lot filthier, a lot more fucked up. Nobody cared. Nobody cared. But the media anointed Lena Dunham as, like, the second coming of, like, say, a Woody Allen who, you know, no matter whether, whether you believe or do not believe or are not sure what went on in that house with Dylan Farrow. Woody Allen is a genius. Lena is not. David, again, beating a dead horse. David, this is the mark of an interviewer who is not prepared, who is far too conversational, far too relaxed and has done zero research and does not have a list of questions that are trying to build to a larger point. So for the 8 millionth fucking time he's going to ask Lena, hey, why are you so hated? Here we go.
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B
There was like the intense rage about the female sexuality on the show. There was the intense rage about my body which is so crazy to look back on now because I was this like little slip of a 26 year old and had I known my own powers, I would have behaved very differently. And then like I would be lying if I didn't say that my own way of moving, whether it was through media or how I myself online or even in my writing didn't, didn't quell it. And then of course, as detailed in the book, like my, all of that had an effect on my health, my mental health, which then began to deteriorate, which was a secret I was trying to keep.
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Oh, she's so brave. You're so brave, Lena. By the way, she said in that answer that we all did that to her because we were making fun of the way she looked when she kept going on girls and she says I was a 26 year old slip of a thing. She was never a slip of a thing, ever. She, you know, her body type wants to just be a little bit larger. That's fine, that's fine. Her problem is she loathes herself. She wants to be a supermodel. I'm going to get into the way in which she humiliates other actresses. She's no feminist. None, none. And she also, David missed something there. David, I would encourage you to watch the nerve to watch Mark Bowden, to learn a few tips and tricks, okay? She paused, she said, if I had known and then she goes, my own power, I'm telling you what was really going on in her head. Just my opinion. I think she was thinking, if I had known back then that I was going to blow up into a 400 pound troglodyte, I would have had more fun. I would have enjoyed being young and famous in New York City a little bit longer. Okay, Now David follows up again, wrongly. Again, wrongly. And he's just, he's being a lazy interviewer here. He's just picking up on the last thread she put down. Not every thread needs to be pulled. Here we go.
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If you had known your power, you would have behaved differently. What did you mean by that?
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Great zeroing in, David. I guess what I'm saying is that I thought I was the most. The feedback that I got, which is like, this is the most ungainly thing. This person is an eyesore.
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She was an eyesore. She makes herself an eyesore. She has terrible tattoos. Like she's got a tattoo on her back. Like it goes across the back. Holly. Okay. In the cat. In the male category for worst tattoos, Ben Affleck's phoenix rising from the ashes. All covering the entire terrain of his back. He wins. For females, it's Lena. Lena has literally across the her back, like around her shoulder blades. It goes the whole width. It's like a broken home. She was overweight. She. And you can, you can be like not, not a rail but still be fit. She looked like she didn't bathe. There were gross personal hygiene habits exhibited on girls, some of which I won't even relay some of them because they'll make you like dry heave. She made herself an eyesore and then she turns around and she says, I was treated like I was an eyesore sister. That's what you want. That's what you get off on. You like being a victim, you like being a martyr and then you like trying to turn it around as if you're some sort of feminist hero heroine who's giving us a message like your body is like your performance art and we all just want you to go away, seek real help. Real, real help. David, the question should be, you say you wish you had leaned into your path power as a 26 year old. Why are you now at not even 40? Morbidly obese? Lena, what's going on? What's going on with you? Here we go.
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B
It's not even just about being normatively beautiful. Although like the I. Although the way that I was spoken about, I mean, that's what so many women's bodies look like. That's not what my body looks like anymore, but it was, I was like full of light. And it's interesting, as I looked at the photos over the course of the show, I could see it's such a cliche, but it was like the lights just went out.
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A
Full of light. Lena Dunham has never been full of light. She's a dark, dark soul. She's a dark character. She's really fucking dark. She's really damaged. I think She's a destroyer. She's destroyed her Hollywood career. She's destroyed her body, she's destroyed her health, the things she's done to her body. We're going to get into. We're going to get into it. She uses the phrase normatively beautiful. You know, I'm going to say, Lena, you know, words. You consider yourself a writer. It's objectively beautiful. It's empirically beautiful. There are some people, places and things that are just beautiful. And the human eye, we evolved to recognize beauty. We like looking at beautiful things and people. That doesn't make us horrible. It's part of being human. It's a wonderful part of being human. Who doesn't want to be surrounded by beauty, by nice things, by pleasant things, who isn't moved by beauty? It's Lena. Because Lena fucking hates herself. And she's convinced herself she. She'll never, ever experience the pleasure of feeling pretty. Now David returns to this amorphous negativity that has somehow, like, you know, it just sort of. It's like the big bang. We don't know how this negativity surrounding Lena got here. It just got here and then it just started, like, asexually replicating itself. And now there's just a ton of negativity surrounding Lena and, and, and, and Lena. You, you like, for the eight millionth time, David is a. He's, he's trying to. Psychologically, he's like, he's like a fucking archaeologist in the psyche. David, the problem is Lena is not that deep. She's a pretend intellectual. She's not that deep. She doesn't understand herself. You know why? She's terrified to understand exactly how she got to be the way she got to be. She's terrified. She goes, she goes down that hole, she's never coming back out. Okay, so now we just have to pretend that all of this negativity is just the culture being mean to poor, fat Lena. Here we go.
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B
I think one of the many contradictions of my life is that I like to express myself in totality. I like to maybe do make things that I never thought of anything that I made as controversial.
- [33:33]
A
But Lena is a liar. Just as earlier I said all the, all of the things I wish David had asked her. Why did you fabricate a rape claim against a guy you went to college with? On and on and on and on. Lena sits there with a straight face and says, I never thought of anything I made as controversial. Now, again, I think Lena also knows she's a fraud and that she's not really talented because she just does stuff to provoke a reaction. And trust me, no reaction is worse than like a reaction that's horrified, that's disgusted, that finds her puerile and gross and childish. Revisit, girls. If I'm David and I'm in that chair, I've done my fucking research. You know, I talked about briefly and you know, it was off the record. So I can't talk about what happened in my meeting with Harvey Weinstein. But when he was on trial for rape in New York, you know, I came to call this my audition. He was auditioning journalists that he was going to sit down and give the exclusive to. And I was asked if I would be interested in doing it. And I really, really thought about it. And I said yes, I will go meet meet with him, obviously in an office surrounded by a bunch of people. I was never left alone with him. I did nothing for two weeks but research Harvey Weinstein. I read everything I could get my hands on. I went way, way back in his history. I watched every documentary, I read every book that had anything to do with him. I treated him like I was going in to like. Like I was a prosecutor and I was going to cross examine him on the stand. I did that for two weeks. David, you do one softball celebrity interview, but you get someone like Lena, a cultural lightning rod who's out here shilling her bullshit and you let her get away with this stuff. You should be embarrassed. The New York Times should really be embarrassed. Hey, at least they left their comments on the Nerve is moving some stuff. Okay? The Nerve is moving some stuff. Now we are going to look at an episode of Girls. I'm going to warn you, and I really do mean it. This is a very graphic, disturbing scene. It's a sex scene. It's very graphic. It's very disturbing. I have to show it to you because I have to show the gulf, the chasm, the complete fraudulence, the insult to our intelligence. It is for Lena Dunham to sit there and say with a straight face, I never made anything I thought of as controversial. She ran Girls. That was her fucking show. She was the face of it. She was the wunderkind. She was the writer, director, producer, star. What couldn't Lena do? This is a scene in which Adam Driver has dumped the Lena character. Or she. I don't know how they broke up. Whatever. Anyway, he's dating a new girl, played by Sherry Appleby. Sherry Appleby is a bright. She's like a bright little light. She's like a Sprite. She's a beautiful young actress who radiates like there's light in her eyes. Okay, Watch what Lena Dunham did to Sherry Appleby in the scene. This isn't just about what she does to a character on her show. This is her getting revenge at the beautiful girls, the beautiful actresses. She'll never be a part of their cohort. So this is how Lena works out her rage. Get on all fours. What? Get on all fours. So that's Adam Driver telling Shiri Appleby, her character Sherry, to get down on all fours. A girl who looked like Shiri Appleby in real life would turn around and walk out the door and never look back. In Lena's world, she gets down on all fours and listen to her again. I'm going to warn you, this gets really. This is basically like pornography. This is basically. This is what HBO does. We'll get into it later, but this is basically pornography. And you'll hear her Shiri say, oh, my God, there are, like, nails on this floor. Like, I'm going to get splinters. I'm going to cut myself. This filthy, disgusting, rat hole shithole of an apartment in Brooklyn. Okay, the scene continues. Here we go. What is it you're going for exactly? Want to help you from behind. Hit the walls of. You okay? Oh, I. No, look, I didn't take a shower today, so it's fine. Looks. Like my house, huh? You like the way I look? If you're listening, he's got her on the bed away from behind. There's no intimacy. It's a violent act. Puts her over. Jerking off. She says, not on my dress. Under, underneath him. Now on her back. And he ejaculates onto her bare chest. And the camera lingers on the ejaculate all over Sherry Appleby's chest. They show her breasts. Make no mistake. That is Lena. Punishing, humiliating, and sexually degrading an actress. She is full, in my opinion, of rage for. Because Sherry is a beautiful girl. She did it again with Allison Williams on Girls, One of the four. Allison, this is no accident. Allison at the time was the daughter, is still the daughter. But her father was held in some esteem. He was a very famous news anchor and journalist here in America. And then he was outed as, like, a serial fabulist, you know, he was like, yeah, I saw. I saw bodies floating by in Hurricane Katrina. Turned out he never left his hotel room. You know, like, I was. I was with Seal Team 6. Turns out he was never with Seal Team 6 anyway. But Alison sort of had has that waspy blue, bloody, Connecticut moneyed look. She's. She's pretty. She's kind of cultish. And Lena, full of rage. Full of rage. Let's watch what she did. The way in which she humiliated Allison Williams. Season 4 Episode 1 Allison is Bent over a sink in another disgusting apartment and her boyfriend has his face. There's no other way to say this, so I'm just going to be as crude as Lena is eating out her ass. And then he gets up and he stands fully in front of the camera frame and wipes his mouth. It's disgusting. She did that to humiliate and punish Allison. Now we're going to listen to Allison. She went on a podcast called Not Skinny, Not Fat. This was first published June 25, 2025. And Allison is going to tell us how she would have at least liked to have had an intimacy coordinator for that scene. Here we go.
- [42:16]
B
Been great. Because we had so many, so many sex scenes to like prep and work through. Like it would have been so helpful to have someone who's like department head of sex scenes. Otherwise it was just. I have this picture of Lena and Jenny like acting out the moment where Desi was like eating your ass.
- [42:30]
A
Going down on me, eating my ass.
- [42:32]
B
And I have a picture of them where who I think it's Jenny is like leaning over a windowsill and Lena's just like kneeling behind her, like smiling at me to be like, this is what we picture. And I was like, great. But that they could. They were busy. They should have just.
- [42:45]
A
That should have been someone else's job. Maybe Allison didn't feel that she could have done this, but the way she's describing Jenny and Lena there, that's fucking sick. They were getting off on it. She should have refused to do that scene. It almost doesn't even matter though because even if they had gotten a body double, it still would have been Allison's character. And that's Lena and her degradation, her sick need to work out her deep rage. Now she's going to attempt to David, the New York Times and the rest of us to explain. Explain again. The rest of us just don't understand. We're the ones who can't get it through a thick skulls that we don't get. We just fundamentally misunderstand. She's not deviant. She's not a misogynist, she's not a punisher, she's not a destroyer. No, Lena is going to tell us that she's operating on a point lean way higher than the rest of Us out here way fucking higher. Can't wait to hear this. Here we go.
- [44:01]
B
Like, I grew up in the New York art world. Like, I grew up going to see, like, Vito Acconci do Seed Bed. Like, I wasn't having an experience of any kind of moralism. In fact, the opposite. The idea was like, if you say it's art, it's art. And art is designed to, like, stretch the human capacity for understanding.
- [44:28]
A
So this is one of the things that's very dark, disturbed and dangerous about the art world. Anything goes. Anything goes. Because if you call it art, it's immediately sacred. And if you don't get that it's art, you're a fucking knuckle dragger. And so someone like Maurizio Catalan, whose most of his work I really love, but he can tape a banana to a wall at Art Basel in Miami and say, that's art. And some asshole pays like $7 million for it. And that's Maurizio Catalan laughing at the assholes. Who would believe that bunch of bullshit. It's not art. It's a banana taped to a wall. He's fucking with you. But by that same token, you can do any sexually disturbing act in public, and as long as you call it art, that's art. That's art. So, David, I'm so angry. Like, you have this. Like, what you could do with an interview like this if you just did your fucking homework. If you just said, you know what, Lena? Pa. Let's pause for one second. I need to look this up. I need to look up this reference that you're banking. I'm not going to stop and say, you know, Lena, I don't know who you're talking about. I don't know what that artwork is. I've never heard of it. I'm going to look it up. I want to see what you're talking about. David's got to be cool. He's got to be as cool as Lena, as cool as he thinks Lena is. Lena's not cool. You know, I'm saying, I went and looked it up. I went and looked it up. She says her parents basically took her to see this piece of quote, unquote, performance art when she was a child. She was between 8 and 10. I think it was closer to age 8. This, too, is extremely disturbing. But I have got to show it to you because you're not going to believe it unless you actually see it. Unless you actually see it. Vito Acconci, this is an artist I've never heard of. That doesn't mean anything. His performance piece was called Seed Bed. Again, these people tell you who they are. This was first done in 1972 and it was recorded. And again, I'm going to warn you, this is very graphic and I'm going to set up what we're seeing a little bit. So this was at a gallery in New York City and there was a floor constructed above the galleries, like cement floor, maybe about 12 inches. It's wooden. And the performance piece was. I mean, I'm actually feeling like nauseated talking about this, but I'll soldier on. Anything for the troublemakers. He gets himself underneath the floor, the floorboards. And so you see him like squiggling around in there, these, in this dark little, these compartments. I mean, you feel like you're looking at a crime scene. You feel like you're looking at a criminal. Like a guy who's looking to sneak into your house and fucking rape you. And then I'll give you one guess what he does once he's under that, that, that floor, that floorboard where the patrons of the gallery would walk on the board on the floor. Try to guess where this guy was but hear him doing what he was doing. Seed Bed. I'm sure you can guess. Here we go. So here he is crawling his way through, his pants are down and he's masturbating. Like you can see his pelvis gyrating. That's the performance art. That's what the art was. That's what Lena's parents took her. Okay, we can stop there. We can. We see the hand going up and down. We see it. Lena's parents are extremely disturbed people, in my opinion. I think very dark things went on in that house. Very dark. I think there's a reason Lena ate herself into a 400 pound, not yet 40 year old woman. I don't think she wants male attention. I don't think she likes sex. I think really dark shit happened to her as a little kid. You know, highly sexualized kids who sexually experiment with other kids, let alone their siblings. Where do you think they pick that up? Her parents were taking her to hear a creep masturbate in public. Get off on freaking other people out, get off on public masturbation by calling it art. And the art world falls for it. So I came across this review. It's on the wiki page for seedbeds. See David, all you have to do Google and Wiki seedbed. And I quote, in this legendary sculpture slash performance, legendary Vito Acconci lay beneath a ramp built in The Sonneband Gallery. Over the course of three weeks, he masturbated eight hours a day while whispering out his sexual feelings fantasy. Not only does the architectural intervention presage much of his subsequent work. Oh, I wonder how he topped that. But all of Aonsi's fixations converge in this, the spiritual sphincter of his art. See what I mean about how much bullshit exists in the art world? The spiritual sphincter, that's not done cheekily. That's done literally. I continue in seedbed. Acconci is the producer and the receiver of the work's pleasure. He is simultaneously public and private, making marks yet leaving little behind. I bet you that poor gallery floor would beg to differ. I think of the poor potted plant that Harvey Weinstein jerked himself off into in front of a hapless female at some bar downtown. You know what I mean? Like. Like Harvey's in prison and demonstrating ultra awareness of his viewer while being in a semi trans state. The reviewer, Jerry Saltz. You know who Jerry Saltz also happens to be? He's not just a prominent art critic, he's Lena's godfather. David continues with this multi layered, highly nuanced, sophisticated line of questioning. Lena, why does all this negative feedback stick with you? Here we go.
- [51:28]
B
Illness is really scary to people, so they want a narrative in which you. It happened. You had a cold for three days, you recovered, you got appendicitis. They took it out. And the relentlessness of it and the fact that it was like. I was like, okay, I got a surgery. I'm gonna be better. And then three months later, something. And I didn't have a sense of, like, medical misogyny. I didn't have a sense of. Of the. I was raised to be like, I'm a good Jewish girl. And what doctors tell me, I listen to
- [52:00]
A
medical misogyny. It's everywhere now. There's medical misogyny. She's not done blaming the rest of us for her very poor physical health, which definitely does not have anything to do with being morbidly obese. Here we go.
- [52:18]
B
And somehow my health picture kept getting less clear, not more clear, which also makes it very, I understand, very hard for other people to empathize with because it seems abstract, amorphous, like they lose
- [52:34]
C
sympathy or think you're making it up.
- [52:36]
A
Yeah.
- [52:37]
B
And also, gee, thanks, David. Live in a society where the highest value for people is like, movie sets. People come and they're like, I slept two hours. I drank a coffee, I said bye to my wife. I'm back they treat it like an extreme sport. And the highest value is just to be able to go and go and go. And it took me a really long time to understand that wasn't like my only value. That actually I could have a fragile body and a strong mind and have a lot to offer without like betraying my own physical self over and over and over again.
- [53:15]
A
I don't know what she's talking about. I really don't know what she's talking about. She says she could have a fragile body and a strong mind. Someone with that body does not have a strong mind. And it's not that we're unable to empathize because your medical journey is amorphous, difficult to understand. We don't care. We don't care. I'm so sick of Lena Dunham popping up every time she's got another ailment. Deal with it at the medical office, deal with it in the hospital. Okay? So this. I had to bring this up. I had to. I have never forgotten reading this essay when it was first published. She wrote it for Vogue. Lena still writes for Vogue. Lena, her book was extracted in the New Yorker. You know, she's still given these platforms, which is why a piece like this is extremely important. Like the nerve and the troublemakers must, must push back. We must push back. We must insist on proper messaging. This woman is a fucking mess and nobody should listen to her. Okay? She wrote this. She wrote this self pitying essay for Vogue about getting a hysterectomy, which she claims she really needed. None of her doctors agreed. At the time she was living in New York City. If you get sick and you are in New York City, you are in luck because you are exposed to some of the finest medical minds on the planet. She said she had something like 14 or 40 vaginal ultrasounds and they couldn't find anything. And she kept saying, but I want you to take out my uterus. You know, that is a real thing. Like when people are. I forget exactly what it's called, but like they want body parts chopped off or taken out. So anyway, she writes this essay, she gets photographed. The styling credits are on the page. Who did the makeup? Who did the hair? Who did the styling? Where was it shot? You know, is this a sad essay with something profound and poignant to impart or are we just huffing some fumes that are going to keep us going for another few months of fame, notoriety, recognition? I'm going to read a little bit from Lena's Peace so. So you can get a sense of exactly what I'm talking about. Quote, I know something else, and I know it as intensely as I know I want a baby. God forbid that something is wrong with my uterus. I can feel it deeply, specific, yet unverified. Despite so many tests and so much medical dialogue, I just sense that the uterus I have been given is defective. From August to November, I try desperately to manage this new level of pain. I try so hard, it becomes a second job. I go to pelvic floor therapy, massage therapy, pain therapy, color therapy, acupuncture, yoga, and a brief. This is where I believe sexual childhood trauma comes in. She does say in the book she was molested by a babysitter. I don't think it was that alone. I think there were other people interfered with her. I resume. And a brief yet horrifying foray into a vaginal massage from a stranger. That's a sexual deviant. Lena. She continues, I am determined to outmaneuver whatever is eating me from the inside. So she thinks her uterus is eating her from the inside. Okay, but I can only run so well with cement blocks strapped to my feet. That's cliche, Lena. Good writers avoid them. Finally, I ask my doctor if my uterus needs to come out. She says, let's wait and see. Two days later, which has always been my definition of wait and see. I am not a patient girl. I check myself into the hospital and announce I am not leaving until they stop this pain or take my uterus. No, really, take her. Smash cut to Lena in the hospital bed. Quote, here I. She gets her wish. She gets what she's been bullying for. Here I am with a nurse from Staten island who wonders aloud why I am so often nude on television. People talk about it because you insist on showing yourself. And a nurse from Staten Island, Lena Dunham is a fucking snob. She's a snob. That's code. That's code. She's working class. She probably votes red. Staten Island's red. Lena Dunham. She doesn't even have. You know, there's nothing more humbling when you find yourself in the hospital and your life and your health is in the hands of total strangers and they recognize it and they treat you with kindness and they show you true humanity. And she's. She's fucking shiving this nurse because she's from Staten fucking Island. I fucking hate Lena Dunham so much. Now David is finally, finally going to approach the root of so many of Lena's traumas. You know, by the way, you can be traumatized. You can be mentally ill, which I believe firmly Lena is. And you could also just be an asshole. And Lena's a fucking asshole. Here we go.
- [59:02]
C
But you write about being a child and a babysitter molesting you. You write about abusive sexual relationships.
- [59:10]
A
Yeah.
- [59:11]
C
And so I'm like, yeah, so how did. And so all those experiences, you know, what's the. You know, I haven't. Didn't quit.
- [59:25]
A
Outdated.
- [59:26]
C
The body keeps the score.
- [59:27]
B
Yes.
- [59:28]
C
All those experiences with your body had sort of a myriad emotional ripples.
- [59:34]
A
Yeah.
- [59:35]
C
How did your sense of your body affect David, your set, your own sense of self?
- [59:45]
B
It's a really interesting. I mean, I have a whole sort of theory of the case about illness that would take a long time. I was never a healthy kid.
- [60:01]
A
David just completely ignores the elephant in the room. Lena, you're £400. What's going on? I really think they should have had a woman do this interview, you know, but here we are, we are where we are. On wanting, Lena, on wanting to be sexually humiliated,
- [60:25]
C
Descriptions you give in the book of abusive or near abusive sexual relationships where you had feelings of, you know, like, wanting to be degraded or. Or like you were seeking out situations in which seemingly, like, you could confirm the bad feelings you had about yourself.
- [60:51]
B
My experience was that there was something about recreating a situation I had been in, not by choice, with some measure of what appeared to be my own free will that somehow made me think that if I executed it right, I could erase the thing that had happened before.
- [61:12]
A
Like your parents taking you to go see and hear a creep under floorboards, masturbate all day and make all kinds of disgusting sounds and traumatize you like that. Her parents, who have created this monster, they. They did it. They did it. They seem to hate her and they ask her nonetheless. The only question, the obvious question, the one that David is far too politely dancing around. David, stop being a star fucker. Stop wanting famous people to love you. Do your job and be an interviewer. This woman is out in the public square. There are young women and girls who are listening to her and taking her quite seriously. And that is a very dangerous fucking thing. Here we go.
- [62:11]
C
This is maybe a difficult question to have perspective on or maybe even a little too.
- [62:20]
A
He's afraid to ask in a way.
- [62:22]
C
But might there be ways in which your. The dynamics that you just described in terms of sort of like personal or sexual relationships had parallels in your relationship with the public?
- [62:39]
A
Yes.
- [62:39]
B
Like, you know, it's a classic. It's like, I'm gonna lean into what people think I am. But I'm gonna do it my way. I'm gonna find my version of it. And actually.
- [62:47]
C
But leaning into a thing that, you know, makes you feel bad 100%.
- [62:51]
B
And I think the thing that concerned my parents is. Is this book, another iteration of that?
- [62:57]
A
Yes. Yes, it is. Lena's entire existence is an iteration of that. She gets in front of our faces, she disgusts us, she offends us, she lies to us. She doesn't. Says horrible things, never takes fucking accountability for it. Blames us for her misery while people put money in her pockets and give her book deals and deals at Netflix and make her rich. And then she says, I'm doing it on purpose. I want you to fucking hate me. Now we return to our Saint Camille. That is one Camille Paglia, who offered her take on Lena Dunham quite some time ago. I believe this was around the time that girls was really a thing in the culture, and Camille's just going to elegantly take it apart. Here we go.
- [63:51]
D
Well, Lena Dunham, to me, is just absolutely the symbol of a certain kind of neuroticism which masquerades as feminism. I mean, Lena Dunham has a lot of problems that have to do with body image. They have nothing whatever to do with the wider society, but have to do with the chaos of her own family life and her own family background. So her feminism is, to me, a perfect example of the kind of externalization of, you know, she's, like, looking for social causes for, you know, there's a kind of, you know, this huge fluidity in her inner life that is due to the way she was raised in.
- [64:29]
A
That.
- [64:30]
D
It was like in the art scene in New York. She was raised with privilege. The way she presents herself physically to me, it's like, look, look. I am just presenting myself exactly as I am. I call her the, you know, the Andrea Dworkin of today. This exposure of the body as something ugly and as something as repugnant and yet somehow as sexual. And the implied blame that if you find me ugly, then you don't understand that I am woman as she is. Okay. And you are a sexist. Okay, sorry. No, you aren't just a big pile of pudding as far as I'm concerned. Big pile of, you know, I mean, she's like just a classic neurotic of the old style and witless and not nearly as intelligent as she seems to think she is. I don't think she has any insight whatever into contemporary politics. The thing she says she finds sexism Everywhere, Okay. It's like a monomania with that type of feminine.
- [65:31]
A
I love that clip. There's so much in there. But just briefly, you know, Camille says she finds sexism everywhere. And when Lena said in that New York Times interview, medical misogyny, she's just proving Camille Paglia right now. The other thing I love about that is Camille references Andrea Dworkin. And if you've never heard of her, I was first introduced to Andrea Dworkin as like, a concept, as a person in the culture. In art school, Andrea Dworkin was like this radical feminist who, like, really hates men. And she went, so, like, you know, if you're of a certain age, you'll remember, like, coming home from school and getting home at like 4 o' clock in the afternoon. It would be like the Phil Donahue show or like Dick Cavett or Merv Griffin, like these kind of really interesting talk shows that really did interview fascinating people and ideas before it all went to shit in the. In the Geraldo era, the Jerry Springer era. However, I digress. Andrea Dworkin went on the Phil Donahue Show. This is from May 27, 1987. Now, Andrea, you know, Camille basically says Lena's a latter day Andrea Dworkin. And Andrea was. She made herself very unattractive. She made herself very overweight. And her whole premise was that women needed to stop having sex because all heterosexual sex is rape, because it's a penetrative act. We got to show the clip. Here we go. No kidding. Andrea Dworkin, a feminist with a considerable reputation as a writer as well as political activist, believes that women should stop having intercourse. This is news to me, by the way.
- [67:33]
E
This is news.
- [67:34]
A
My book, Intercourse is about the meaning of intercourse to women, the impact of intercourse on women, what it means for women's bodies to be involved in the act, active intercourse. And I think then women will decide what to do about it. Well, what do you think they should decide? I don't really know.
- [67:53]
E
I know now that women aren't deciding.
- [67:55]
A
That's what I know. I know that under conditions of inequality or where you have laws that mandate intercourse and marriage, that women are not making choices based on what we want and what our freedom is. There you have it. Okay. Andrea did it first. Lena, you're not that original. You're not nearly that original. We will be talking about the book in the coming days based upon, you know, how it does in the culture where she's at. What you guys want, you're the boss, you know that. You're the Boss. Okay. Coming up, troublemaker feedback. Back in a minute. Do you second guess the nutrition, taste and sustainability of the seafood that you bring home? Introducing Wild Alaskan. Their seafood is 100% wild caught, never farmed. Which means no antibiotics, GMOs or additives. Just clean, nutrient rich fish that supports healthy oceans and fishing communities. Wild Alaskan Company delivers perfectly portioned wild caught seafood straight to your door. The fish is frozen right off the boat to lock in flavor, texture and nutrients like omega 3s. Every order supports sustainable harvesting practices and their flexible membership includes expert tips and feel good seafood. My personal favorite is the wild sockeye salmon. It's rich, buttery, incredibly fresh. The best part? You can try it risk free and if you are not completely Satisfied with your first box, Wild Alaskan Company offers a 100% money back guarantee, no questions asked. It's just high quality seafood that you can feel good about. Not all fish are the same. Get seafood you can trust. Go to wildalaskan.com nerve for $35 off your first box of premium wild caught seafood. That's wildalaskan.com/ nerve for 35 off your first order. And thanks to Wild Alaskan Company for sponsoring this episode. You're never just one thing. You're the boss. Hey Google, when's my next meeting?
- [70:11]
B
The athlete that class wrecks me and their mom.
- [70:15]
A
Everyone in the all new Mazda CX5
- [70:17]
B
more to move every side of you. Learn more@mazdausa.com Google is a trademark of Google LLC. Sequences shortened and simulated.
- [70:26]
A
We are back. Now before we get to your feedback, fresh off spring break, we would be remiss not to call attention to this disgrace to the Discord. The most recent disgrace committed by our sprightly, our favorite sprightly 900 year old heroine. Yes, Sarah Jessica Parker, who took to social media after Artemis 2 splashed back down into the Pacific Ocean. Having completed their mission around the moon, Sarah Jessica Parker felt they would not be complete, nay, this mission would not be complete and properly memorialized unless she congratulated them. This woman is so fucking out of her mind with her self importance. I can't wait till she does her commencement speech. I think it's at Northwestern. We're going to be all over it. We're going to be all fucking over it. Her caption welcome. I don't know if she like took this, lifted it from somewhere else, but either way it's insufferable. It's fucking insufferable and totally unnecessary. Welcome home Reid, Victor, Christina and Jeremy. You returned humanity to the moon. And now you're back safe, safely on Earth. End quote. Thank you and congratulations to all at at NASA. That's redundant for your years of work to get to this glorious day. X comma sj. Okay, okay, now time for stuff worth reading. Troublemaker feedback. We begin. We begin. Paul from New Zealand was hard at work on our week away. He was sending new art to me constantly. I loved all of it. Now we are showing this one particular piece. Maureen expressing Hubble Bubble forever evokes a nerve artwork. This was the first Paul artwork I believe I ever received. And we showed it immediately on a very, very early nerve. His new artwork attached, says, Hubble Bubble. We're back. Troublemakers. He makes a note that this one is Pam's concept and contribution, having read the Nerve happening substack, paragraph 2 intro. Paul, you and Pam are such completists. He says, incidentally, the body of the Supreme Leader. Oh, my God, am I like Kim Jong Un? Am I your Supreme Leader? The body of the Supreme Leader is taken from Anjelica Huston in the Witches, the 1990 film. I know the reference, Paul. I love it. Paul has taken to planting nerve Easter eggs into the Nerve artworks. We have noticed the book jacket of Ask Not a Dirty Martini, the new Puppy Trouble, like, tucked into, you know, a designer handbag. You know, Paul, I do have a shopping problem. Welcome back the Nerve with Maureen, her three Nerve Graces and the two pups. Paul and Pam, we love you. Now I got a lot of feedback, both in email form, YouTube comments, Instagram comments. I said in a conversation with Mark Bowden about Tiger the Cop finding two loose pills in his pockets. And he says it's a narco. I've been corrected. It's a Norco, that it's a combination of acetaminophen and hydrocodone, but I don't care. My point remains the same. He's a junkie. I feel like a lot of these might be Tiger bots, you know, He's a junkie. He's a drug addict. Try to class it up all you want. He is a menace to society and. And unless the media and the court system treats him as such, he is going to kill somebody. Hi, Maureen. Hope you had a wonderful vacation. We did. I am sure there is much to cover upon your return episode. There is so much, you guys. There is so much. I wanted to just highlight Megan's attendance at a Netflix tastemakers party. We are all over it. We are all over it. Rob will be here for the Nerve at night tomorrow. And we are going to ask him about this. She apparently violated the dress code. Of course she did. When are these people just going to fully exile this woman? Carey Mulligan was the VIP of the event. Everyone was allegedly told to dress in black and white. Not Megan. She literally wore the same color as Carrie. It's a very specific kind of green. She's an asshole fucking twat. Megan. Hi Maureen, Final email. I haven't missed an episode of the Nerve. Yay. We love to hear it. So this troublemaker says that she stopped in the Russian Tea Room for a cocktail with friends. One of them mentioned watching Jon Hamm's latest show. The bartender turned around and proceeded to school us on the fact that in his college days, Jon Hamm practically killed a fellow student as a result of a brutal hazing. And if you want to say Ryan Reynolds, he is not alone. As a psycho arsonist, Jon Hamm tried to set this kid on fire. This frat, this victim of this frat hazing, the survivor, I should say grew up to become a doctor and a lawyer. Jon Hamm is an actor. So anyway, the bartender sets these people right and says, you know, that guy's awful. That guy tried, almost killed a kid in college. And of course this troublemaker said, I had to ask, are you a troublemaker? She coyly smiled and replied, maybe. Good to know there are many of us. Oh, I can use her name. Christine. Troublemaker Christine. Good to know there are many of us out here lurking in the shadows appreciating the vulgarity with which you describe the culture. Hey, you know, if the shoe fits, you know, anything less, Christine says would be an understatement. She adds, I am decamping from New York City to Dallas in a few weeks. I would happily return if you did a live show so we troublemakers could bask in the presence of all of the like minded. And Christine, we are working on it. We are working on it before the year is out. At least one live show. Keep your feedback coming. Email me at maureenevilmaycaremedia.com or hit me up on Instagram. Maureen Callahan, writer. Or at the Nerve Show. Also, excuse me. Go to the Nerves, the nerves website thenerveshow.com and there you will find a prompt. Would you like to subscribe to the Nerve Substack? That is our weekly email full of all kinds of goodies, behind the scenes stuff, content we couldn't get into the show. What's up with Teddy with Trouble with Marlena? Troublemaker talk. It's so Much fun. Do it. Just put in your email every Friday. It shows up in your inbox and it's just an added little treat to hold you over till the mini on Saturday. Up next, Marlena has emerged from her undisclosed location and she's going into the interrogation room. We are back in a minute. Your liver does more than you know when it comes to regulating and energy hormones, digestion, even your mood. But stress toxins and processed foods are constantly overloading it. What can you do? Introducing Peak's liver detox protocol. This two step system is both gentle and powerful. Peak leverages nature's most potent botanicals, minerals and vitamins, combines them with their cutting edge extraction technology and creates supplements that that make a difference. The protocol has two main parts. A strong Sri Lankan turmeric mixed with cinnamon and black pepper to help your body absorb it better. And a spicy Sri Lankan ginger combined with cinnamon to support your immune system, improve blood flow and help with digestion. This all leads to less bloating, steadier energy, a clearer head. No miracles, just consistent well being. Peak elevates nature's best with cutting edge tech. Pure, effective. Ditch the fads. Commit to intentional health. Unlock 20% off. Establish your powerful foundation for sustained well being@peaklife.com thenerv that's P I Q U E life.com thenerve we are back. Joining us now, producer Marlena returned safely from her undisclosed location. Paul from New Zealand memorialized his theory of the case. And Marlena liked it. You liked it. Paul has you in Bill Maher's lair without so much as a blue light. Marlena, why don't you tell the troublemakers where you really were, what you were doing and the cruel prank you played on me like day two, day three.
- [80:21]
E
Well, I was in Florida and Bill Maher was not. But the day I flew down there, it was April Fool's Day and I couldn't help myself. And I told you that I had spotted Tiger woods and you believed me. And you were very in a text message.
- [80:37]
A
That's what made it believable. It was like, holy shit, Maureen, I just saw Tiger Woods.
- [80:41]
E
It was that simple.
- [80:43]
A
I always forget when it's April Fool's Day. Always. And I was like, marlena, you gotta take a picture. But you didn't. You didn't. You weren't sure I was gonna bite.
- [80:52]
E
Yeah, I was always waiting for you to respond. You were like, oh, you have to tell. But you started with like, you know what? And I said, no. I just shut it down. I said, april Fools. And you're like, you cannot do that to me. I was like, I just do it.
- [81:06]
A
My hopes were so high because I was gonna say to you, really, what you have to do is drop everything and we have to do an emergency talk and put it out online so everybody can know. But, okay. Anyway, better for you that you did not get within five feet of Tiger woods because the guy is a fucking homicidal maniac. Just my opinion. Now, you were talking to me about your trip back on the plane, and two things. One, we've got to talk about the conversation you overheard regarding Timothy Shyamalama, Ding Dong. Okay, so.
- [81:44]
E
Well, that was when the plane landed. These two women were talking about the
- [81:48]
A
movies that they watched.
- [81:49]
E
And it was just so funny because the one woman in her very strong New York accent was like, you know, I was gonna watch that Timothee Chalamet, what's his name movie. And the other one said, oh, yeah, the ping pong movie. And the other woman said, yeah, but I went with the other movie. And then she was like, is he gay? Is he not gay? And I'm like, oh, she watched Blue Moon. Because she said it was based on a true story. And I'm like, she watched Blue Moon. So it was just so funny. I'm like, is this. This, I feel like, is what the films have become, right? This is. This is the feedback.
- [82:31]
A
Is he gay?
- [82:31]
E
Is he not gay? Timily Shama, what's his name? This is why the film is movie.
- [82:39]
A
Hollywood should listen. That's how real people in the world are taking this stuff. They think they're putting out, you know, like the greatest things. Citizen Kane. And everybody else is like, oh, the ping pong movie. The ping pong movie.
- [82:53]
E
But I want to note one other thing, though. The woman in front of me was watching Housemaid, which is, have you seen it yet, Maureen?
- [83:00]
A
It's very. I haven't. You know, like, things just keep popping up in front of my face that I feel I need to address. And I really do want to see the house made. And I feel like I should see it before Friday's show because we are planning a segment that does involve Sydney Sweeney. I won't say anything more than that, but go on. It's on my list to be sure.
- [83:19]
E
Well, it's one of these movies. It's for adults, right? There's violence, there's sexual content, and your kids should be nowhere near you. And her two small children are sitting next to her. And she was so aggravated that her son had to go to the Bathroom. And she basically said, like, if you are going to ask me over and over to go to the bathroom, you're never getting drinks when we fly.
- [83:45]
A
And I was appalled.
- [83:46]
E
As a mother, I was appalled by this woman's comments, but I was already appalled that she was watching this movie with her kids right next to her. And clearly she was so annoyed that
- [83:56]
A
she would have to pause it for
- [83:58]
E
her kid to go to the bathroom. Anyway, I keep on airplanes.
- [84:02]
A
This is going to fold into a segment.
- [84:03]
E
We're going to do a longer segment
- [84:06]
A
that you and I have been talking about for a very long time. But really there are people in this world who shouldn't have children and who have children and clearly never wanted to have children and did it because it was like the societal thing to do. And that's the result. You get a monster like that telling her child that he's going to be denied water on a long plane trip because she doesn't want to get up and take him to the bathroom. Like, are you kidding me? And by the way, I can do you one better. So during the break, I was, I was on the train the other day leaving Penn Station and this man, this like I'm gonna say 35, 40 year old black man, and I'm mentioning his race because it's, it's Salient comes and sits across from me with his three year old son and he's, he's sort of, he's not being performative about it, but he's saying to his son, like, ask if, ask if it's okay if you sit here. Like don't, don't bump your foot into that. Like be respectful, blah, blah, blah. And engaging with his kid, quiet, all of that. These middle aged white women leave the train, they're getting ready to disembark and they pass him and they go, oh. One of them goes, I love your hat. I love your baseball cap. That is the greatest movie ever made. Greatest movie ever made. He says, thank you, I think so too. So they get off. And then when he goes to disembark with his kid, I'm like, I've got to see what's on this hat. Like, what do these people think is the greatest movie ever made? Marlena? It said sexual chocolate. I mean, he's rolling around New York City with his three year old son teaching him manners, wearing a hat that says sexual chocolate. Exactly.
- [85:51]
E
I mean, again, it's a larger conversation for a different show, but there are so many people out there who should not have children. And I'll Leave it at that.
- [86:01]
A
Okay, now the last thing I want to talk to you about because the show went over with our Lena spanking the trip to the moon that just concluded last week, that Sarah Jessica Parker, officially designated as a great thing for humanity.
- [86:19]
E
She anointed her.
- [86:19]
A
Never would have occurred to the rest of us. She's so fucking insufferable. Okay, but, you know, this made me think, you know, they're splashing down and there's this live coverage and we're all watching it and they're talking about how we're going to go back to the moon in like a couple of years. And I'm literally thinking to myself, why have we not been back to the moon since 1969? I mean, like, why have we not had human beings put their feet on the surface of the moon? It makes no sense to me. Humanity doesn't make huge technological breakthroughs and discoveries of other lands, let alone other planets, and say, you know what? That's good, we did it. No need to expound upon that.
- [87:01]
E
I know. And anyone who would say that we never landed on the moon is a conspiracy theorist, right? And this is something that I never even thought about until about two years ago. You just take it for granted. You learn it in school. We landed on the Moon, 1969. Neil Armstrong, we're done. Then someone posed the same question to me that you just did two years ago and said, why haven't we gone back? And I was like, I can't answer the question to this day. And I've looked it up. I've tried to look up reasons why. And there have been. I don't get where we destroyed the technology to land on the moon.
- [87:39]
A
We have. Okay, that's the other thing. That's what they say, that we've had trouble going back because we destroyed the technology. Is it that technology that you would lock way underground, like nuclear weapons, like, you would fireproof it. You would replicate you like. I mean, who's the fucker who's like, oh, shit, I lost that. I lost the formula? It's not just that.
- [88:03]
E
Isn't it so antiquated at this point? I mean, it's like. It's like a Betamax compared to what we have now when it comes to technology, I don't understand what technology we had in 1969 that we don't have in 2026 that we can't stand.
- [88:20]
A
But you know what they say about that? You know what they say? They say that there is more computation going on in our iPhones than in the rocket that took Americans to the surface of the moon. Neil Armstrong and the other as. So that kind of proves your point. Like, well, why haven't we been back if like why would America not say this is ours, we got here first, we're planting our flag, literally. And this is going to be the, you know, I can speak to this as an astronaut, that the moon will be the first stop on a multi leg journey to say Mars or whatever other planets we're going to have to find and make habitable. Find to, I should say make habitable because that's the whole reason for like why Elon Musk wants to colonize Mars. He. They all know that like the earth is going to die, you know, at a certain point that humanity has to become an interplanetary species in order to survive.
- [89:26]
E
Right. So I don't have the magic answer. The only other answer I got was that it's very expensive. So I don't have the answer. I don't know why we haven't been back. I'm not gonna say much more beyond that, but it's very questionable. It's very questionable. But I wanted to talk about one other moon.
- [89:47]
A
Okay, go ahead.
- [89:48]
E
And it's, it's, well, Mel Robbins really and her talking about a toilet. And when I say moon, I mean, you know, the human body's version of a toilet.
- [90:01]
A
Oh, you mean like a rear end? That's like mooning. Mooning someone is.
- [90:06]
E
There you go.
- [90:07]
A
Got it. Okay, I got there. Okay. So you. I know you've been obsessed with this clip. I haven't even had a chance to look at it.
- [90:14]
E
I did.
- [90:15]
A
I had to.
- [90:16]
E
I know, I know. But I was obsessed with it and I begged you with prayer hands in a text that we could show this because I just can't get over Maureen. I'm sure you remember this or maybe you don't, but you know when you and I interviewed and we were talking about me getting this job, are one of the first people we brought up or you brought up was Mel Robbins. And I was cupping my mouth because I had so much to say about Mel Robbins. And the rest is history.
- [90:42]
A
The rest is history. Twin souls found each other. So, yeah, so, okay, so let's take a look at this because I've just. What just came up on my end. Here is a brief description. And when I say I was nauseated taking Lena Donald, bring this. I'm worried. I'm very worried.
- [91:04]
E
Please read the caption of what she posted.
- [91:09]
A
I see on her Instagram the caption. This was the moment I realized I've been lied to by toilet paper my whole life. Now first of all, grammatically, syntactically, I've got problems with that sentence. Toilet paper can't lie to you because it's an inanimate object, you fucking dumb twat. God, I fucking hate Mel Robbins and her whole stupid empire. Okay, all right. Mel Robbins. Mel Robbins bidet.
- [91:39]
B
I don't think toilet paper is the answer here.
- [91:42]
A
Uh oh, I think what we really need is bidets. Okay. Yeah.
- [91:45]
B
And I know a lot of people
- [91:47]
A
in this country are not ready for that conversation. Explain what a bidet is for somebody who doesn't know because that was in that, that was another eye opening experience recently when we went to a very nice hotel and one of our kids were like, whoa, this thing just sprayed me. Oh please. Like Mel Robbins has never been to Europe or stayed in a five star hotel where has never experienced a toto toilet. This woman is making so much money and she's still playing. I'm just a down home relatable. She used to be a lawyer. You have to be smart to have been a lawyer. Get the fuck out. I don't know what a bidet is. Okay, okay, okay, so that's the setup.
- [92:25]
E
Please go to the next stop.
- [92:29]
B
There are beautiful luxury bidets where you have a heated seat, but bidets clean your.
- [92:37]
E
Look at her face.
- [92:38]
A
Did you see her face? She's, she looks like she's kind of in ecstasy.
- [92:45]
E
She's like, okay, that one didn't wow you. Okay, we'll go to the last.
- [92:50]
A
No, you know, what is it? It's not that it doesn't wow me. It's that I'm. I think I, I think that there is nothing this woman can do or say that won't that, that, that phases me really, because she's such a charlatan and she's made millions and millions and millions of dollars off this stupid bullshit let them theory which she plagiarized in a book where she talks shit about one of her daughters. She clearly does not like one of her daughters who co authored the book with her and didn't even get her name on the first round of books. Like her name was on the COVID And she's going to sit there and be like, oh, tell me about this thing called a bidet, you know, which is insulting to the rest of us out here because she thinks she's being like an avatar for the rest of us, right? Like she's going to be the Trojan horse. That's like I'm going to get this person over here to explain what a bidet is. You know when bidets exploded in the culture, Marlena? I'll tell you, Covid, when there was a run on toilet paper and everybody was like, you know what? We all need to buy toto toilets with built in bidets. Because you can get by without toilet paper if you have a bidet. Mel fucking Robbins. Yeah, that's it.
- [93:58]
E
I question. No, I question whether she is educating us or educating herself. And you'll see why.
- [94:05]
A
Let me ask you a question. Yeah. Is there a wiping technique? Is it front, back to front, front to back? Is it tap, tap, tap? Like, since you think, you not only think, since you know that this is one of the most sensitive tissues. Yeah. Like, is there a proper way to wipe? Of course there's a proper way to wipe. I don't know this, like, what? If I may, Marlena, eyes right here. Okay, If I may, I think Mel Robbins just told on herself. Because if I were. If somebody were interviewing me and I was on their podcast and they brought this up, I would pivot so fucking fast, I would move right off of this. Instead. Mel really wants to get in there. My inner Mark Bowden is coming through. She wants to get in there and she goes, well, how do you wipe? How do you wipe? Like, I don't know how to wipe. You don't know how to wipe? It's part of part potty training. Okay. I'm just a rube out here telling people how to live, but I don't know how to wipe my own ass. And then she's like, you know, it's. It's like the most sensitive tissues are back there. Okay, here's what Mel Robbins is telling us. Mel Robbins enjoys anal sex.
- [95:19]
E
Either she's telling us that, or
- [95:22]
A
she's
- [95:22]
E
telling us she's got swamp ass all
- [95:25]
A
these years, or she's like, she's verging into sexual. A sexual kind of back and forth with this female interviewer. Why would you go this far in on activity involving one's rectum? You know, I don't want to say it, but you know what I mean? Like, this is so. I think she's a freak. I think. You know how it came out in that book, that memoir about Silicon Valley. It was like a year ago. It was written by this woman who had worked at Facebook or Meta, and she had worked with Sheryl Sandberg. And she was basically like, Sheryl Sandberg was like coming on to me. Like they would be on private jets And Cheryl would be like, come meet me in the bedroom.
- [96:06]
E
I thought it was amazing that Mel Robbins is now a gabillionaire based on her book. And she has resulted. Like, it's like she has nothing left to talk about but how to wipe her own ass.
- [96:18]
A
Because this is Mel. Mel Robbins is a fraud. And this is. That is. That is where she is intellectually most comfortable. Like that's a conversation she can have. She can't go above that. We saw her on your boyfriend Bill Maher show not that long ago doing a one on one. And at a certain point even Bill was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Let them. But then you do stuff like, what is it? You know. So any word on Bill? Any word on your.
- [96:49]
E
You know, it's been all quiet on the Bill Maher front. We have to kind of revisit his club Random and seeing if he see and see if he's done anything lately.
- [96:57]
A
We really do.
- [96:59]
E
And honestly, I have missed several episodes of Real Time. Can you believe it?
- [97:04]
A
You've got to get back. Like, we'll talk. We'll do another chat on air where we talk some more Bill Maher and other things. But in the meantime, welcome back. Marlena, you look tanned. You look. You look rested. You look happy. And we're all just so happy to be back together.
- [97:27]
E
Yes, we are. It's good to be back.
- [97:31]
A
Thanks, Marlena. It's great to have you back. That does it. That does it for our Tuesday edition of the Nerve. Come back and see us tomorrow for the Nerve at night. It's a good one. If you haven't already, check out our substack@thenerveshow.com Be sure to subscribe. That is our weekly email plus nerve merch. Grab something for yourself or a fellow troublemaker@shop thenerve.com we will see you back here tomorrow at the Nerve, where you'll never guess what we're about to say next. It's tax season, and at Lifelock, we know you're tired of numbers, but here's a big one you need to hear. Billions. That's the amount of money and refunds the IRS has flagged for possible identity fraud. Now here's another big number. 100 million. That's how many data points LifeLock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it. Guaranteed. One last big number. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com specialoffer for the threats you can't control. Terms apply.