Meghan and Harry's Australian PR Tour, Tiger Woods' Ego, and Nikki Glaser's Questionable Self-Esteem

Summary

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The Nerve with Maureen Callahan — Episode Summary

Episode: Meghan & Harry's Australian PR Tour, Tiger Woods’ Ego, and Nikki Glaser’s Questionable Self-Esteem
Date: April 17, 2026
Host: Maureen Callahan
Guest: Bill from Brooklyn

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Nerve finds Maureen Callahan and recurring favorite Bill from Brooklyn dissecting a whirlwind of cultural moments—from celebrity trainwrecks to true heroics. With trademark skepticism, wit, and a refusal to sugarcoat the truth, Maureen and Bill take on Tiger Woods’ latest scandal, Lindsey Vonn’s fame addiction, a daring military rescue, the state of the moon landing, Harry and Meghan’s “tour of grievance” in Australia, and the troubling messages sent by Nikki Glaser’s self-professed “cool girl” brand of self-esteem.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tiger Woods: “Prick with Privilege”

[05:02–14:41]

• Bodycam Footage & Media Excuses: Maureen introduces new police footage of Tiger Woods following yet another major car accident under suspicious circumstances. The media’s habit of excusing Tiger's behavior as the result of a troubled childhood is called out as enabling.
  • Quote: “Tiger woods has always been a prick. What do you think?” — Maureen [06:43]
• Unimpressed with Excuses: Both hosts emphasize Tiger's access and resources, calling it “inexcusable” for someone so wealthy to repeatedly endanger lives instead of simply hiring a driver.
• Privilege and the Law: Deep frustration is expressed at Tiger leaving the country for “special rehab,” flaunting the justice system with his high-priced lawyers, and the perceived double standard for the famous and wealthy.
• Tiger’s Personality: Stories surface of Tiger’s stingy, emotionally stunted, egomaniac tendencies, including accounts of him harassing fellow golfers and being friendless in his circle.
  • Quote: “Rules for thee, not for me… He's a spoiled brat.” — Maureen [11:28]
• Call for Accountability: Bill and Maureen agree that only real consequences, potentially jail time, might deter Tiger's behavior.

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2. Lindsey Vonn: Addiction to Attention

[14:41–19:56]

• Former Olympian as Fame Chaser: Maureen dubs Vonn Tiger’s “twin soul” and critiques her public musings about another Olympic comeback after repeated injuries, suggesting an unhealthy addiction to limelight.
• Media Narrative vs. Reality: The hosts highlight the media’s tendency to paint Vonn as heroic when her actions (competing while unfit, taking opportunities from younger athletes) are arguably selfish.
• Contrast with Other Athletes: Bill offers examples (Tom Brady, Lou Piniella) of sports figures who accepted their ‘shelf life’ and left gracefully.
• Quote: “Her real addiction is to fame.” — Maureen paraphrasing Bill [14:54]

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3. Real Heroes: The Iranian Rescue

[19:56–26:10]

• Daring Military Operation: Praise for the U.S. forces' extraction of a downed pilot in Iran using high-tech “Ghost Murmur” technology to detect heartbeats and “killer egg” helicopters.
  • Quote: “If you have a heartbeat, we’re going to find you.” — Maureen quoting CIA [20:43]
• Skepticism & Espionage Speculation: Bill theorizes that local informants and substantial bribes likely played a role, not just technology.
• Appreciation for Risk: Both note the courage of those involved, with Bill predicting the operation will become a future Hollywood movie.

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4. The Moon Landing: Conspiratorial Musings

[26:10–32:08]

• Returning to the Moon: With talk of new moon missions, Maureen and Bill question why humanity “stopped trying” after the initial Apollo landings, referencing Joe Rogan–style conspiracy speculation.
• Media and Mythmaking: Maureen shares the iconic Onion headline “Holy Shit: Man Walks on Fucking Moon,” opining this would’ve been a more honest reflection of human achievement than the stoic, measured reality presented by Armstrong.
• Quote: “That has the ring of truth to me.” — Maureen [30:45]

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5. Meghan & Harry’s “Grievance Tour” Down Under

[35:06–40:34]

• Australia in Suffering: Maureen skewers Meghan Markle and Prince Harry for their high-profile, $1,000-a-head speaking engagements, branding it a tone-deaf PR campaign and mocking their claims of being the “most trolled” and traumatized couple.
  • Quote: “Duchess of Despair and endless grievance… Her hapless, balless husband, Prince Harry.” — Maureen [35:10]
• Self-pity & Narcissism: Meghan’s endless grievances about online “bullying” and being “the most trolled person in the entire world” are ridiculed as classic narcissism.
• Iconic Australian Retort: Locals have dubbed the couple “the ginger and the winger”—a label Maureen delights in.
• Shelter Appearance, Class Divide: Meghan’s visit to a Melbourne women’s shelter is roasted for its performative poverty tourism, as she flaunts a $26,000 Cartier Diana watch in front of actual homeless women.
  • Quote: “She has the temerity to show up…in clothing and jewelry whose worth is the equivalent of a down payment on a house in front of homeless people. This fucking fuckwit twat!” — Maureen [40:33]

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6. Hoda Kotb & Toxic Television

[40:34–44:11]

• Today Show Dynamics: Maureen lampoons Hoda and Savannah Guthrie’s “totally not staged” emotional reunion and the performative nature of morning show hosts’ supposed epiphanies and hand-holding.
  • Quote: “The PTA has nothing on some strangers out in Rockefeller Plaza screaming my name.” — Maureen [40:53]

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7. Troublemaker Feedback

[44:11–57:27]

• Listener Interactions: Maureen reads and riffs on a series of passionate, sharp, and often hilarious listener emails.
• Topics Covered: Meghan Markle’s outfit shade, Survivor’s decline, Lena Dunham’s literary mediocrity, Barbara Walters’ notorious cattiness with Elizabeth Taylor, closure as a “bullshit term for dwarf minds.”
  • Quote: “There’s no such fucking thing as closure. Bullshit term for dwarf minds.” — Maureen [56:16]
• Book Recommendation: “Women Who Talk to the Dead” about a team of female FBI agents/detectives resolving cold cases.

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8. Nikki Glaser: “Cool Girl” Self-Esteem Crisis

[59:54–73:34]

• Context: Maureen takes aim at Nikki Glaser’s TIME 100 “influencer” status, dissecting Glaser’s public embrace of an open relationship where she accepts her boyfriend’s routine cheating and frames it as liberation.
  • Quote: “There is nothing more liberating than being deeply in love with a man who not only continues to want to fuck other women, but has your absolute blessing because you’re such a cool girl.” — Maureen [60:17]
• Toxic Messages: Maureen argues this “cool girl” ethos is damaging to women’s physical, emotional, and psychological wellbeing and stems from Glaser’s “zero self-esteem.”
• Podcast Dissection: Clips from Glaser on Call Her Daddy and Howard Stern show a woman desperately trying to prove she’s unfazed by infidelity—while transparently unhappy and haunted by fear of abandonment.
• Time 100’s Taste Questioned: Maureen draws a line from Judd Apatow to a generation of self-loathing, faux-feminist performers.
• Iconic Quotes:
  • “She lies. She lies enough, people will leave you. Because you know what? Nobody can stand a fucking liar.” — Maureen [73:30]
  • “I miss George Carlin. I miss Joan Rivers.” — Maureen [72:17]

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Memorable Quotes and Moments (with Timestamps)

• "Tiger woods has always been a prick. What do you think?" — Maureen [06:43]
• "Rules for thee, not for me… He's a spoiled brat." — Maureen [11:28]
• "Her real addiction is to fame." — Maureen, paraphrasing Bill [14:54]
• "If you have a heartbeat, we’re going to find you." — Maureen (quoting CIA) [20:43]
• "That has the ring of truth to me." (On “Holy Shit: Man Walks on Fucking Moon”) — Maureen [30:45]
• "Duchess of Despair and endless grievance… Her hapless, balless husband, Prince Harry." — Maureen [35:10]
• "She has the temerity to show up…in clothing and jewelry whose worth is the equivalent of a down payment on a house in front of homeless people. This fucking fuckwit twat!" — Maureen [40:33]
• "The PTA has nothing on some strangers out in Rockefeller Plaza screaming my name." — Maureen [40:53]
• "There’s no such fucking thing as closure. Bullshit term for dwarf minds." — Maureen [56:16]
• "There is nothing more liberating than being deeply in love with a man who not only continues to want to fuck other women, but has your absolute blessing because you’re such a cool girl." — Maureen [60:17]
• "She lies. She lies enough, people will leave you. Because you know what? Nobody can stand a fucking liar." — Maureen [73:30]
• "I miss George Carlin. I miss Joan Rivers." — Maureen [72:17]

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | | ------------------------------------------------| -------------- | | Tiger Woods’ Reign of Nuisance | 05:02–14:41 | | Lindsey Vonn’s Fame Addiction | 14:41–19:56 | | Military Rescue Heroics | 19:56–26:10 | | The Moon Landing Conundrum | 26:10–32:08 | | Meghan & Harry’s Australia Tour | 35:06–40:34 | | Hoda Kotb & The Today Show | 40:34–44:11 | | Troublemaker Feedback | 44:11–57:27 | | Nikki Glaser’s Self-Esteem Saga | 59:54–73:34 |

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Summary & Takeaways

• Maureen Callahan and Bill from Brooklyn offer unfiltered, sharp, and frequently hilarious deep dives into the pop culture headlines mainstream outlets refuse to question. Their takes on Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn highlight how celebrity culture excuses toxic behavior for the privileged.
• Military and space heroics are dissected with both reverence and skepticism, blending admiration for genuine courage with a demand for transparency and honesty in public narratives.
• The Meghan & Harry “tour” is reduced to a festival of self-pity and narcissism, with Maureen reserving special scorn for performative charity and tone-deaf displays of wealth.
• Listener letters provide a hard-hitting slice of cultural critique, demonstrating The Nerve’s engaged, whip-smart audience.
• The Nikki Glaser segment ignites a broader conversation about the rise of “cool girl” self-destruction in the media, challenging narratives that pass damaging self-abandonment off as liberation for young women.

The tone throughout is punchy, irreverent, and unafraid to name names, offering listeners both catharsis and clarity amid the noise of celebrity culture.

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Transcript

[Maureen Callahan]

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[Maureen Callahan]

hello and welcome to your Friday edition of the Nerve. I am your host Maureen Callahan. We have so much to address in the culture. We are kicking things off with the original Mo Brow as you guys call yourselves and I love it so much. Bill from Brooklyn who plants is gonna plant the flag. Bill from Brooklyn is here. We have. So I saved conversations that I would normally have with Bill, just one on one for the show so we could all have it together. His thoughts on Tiger woods and his fourth major car crash that we know of. Driving under the influence now off somewhere in Europe. Europe getting rehabbed. Just my opinion. Lindsey Vaughn, his former girlfriend, but truly twin soul who has given an interview that Bill and I both find completely unhinged. And it's something that the mainstream media is just like, wow, she's a real heroine. She's, look at her go, you know. After that we're going to talk about some actual heroes in the culture and then we will transition to before troublemaker feedback. Harry and Meghan and what they are doing to Australia. Australia, we love you. We are so sorry. You're almost through it. You're almost on the other side. Just hang in there, hang in there. And then we're going to talk about more of what Hoda's got to say about her BFF Savannah's return to the Today show and we're going to course correct all of her bullshit. And then we've got another female celebrity who insists that she's not trying to be cool. She just happens to love it when her boyfriend around on her. Okay, are you ready? Are you ready? Let's go. Are you wrestling with bras that dig in shapewear that rolls down constantly or underwire that feels like medieval torture? Give Honey Love a try. This is a brand designed by people who actually wear bras. Women. Their Cloud Embrace bra is a modern wireless T shirt bra with supportive, lightly padded foam cups that feel like a cloud against your skin. Their new crossover contour bra gives you such a beautifully contoured shape. Their shapewear's targeted compression is designed to enhance your curves instead of squeezing them like you're a cased sausage. So treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use our exclusive link to save 20% off Honey Love at honeylove.com/ nerve. That's honeylove.com/ nerve. And after you check out, they're going to ask where you heard about them. Please support our show. Tell them you are a troublemaker and that the Nerve sent you. Experience the new standard in comfort and support with Honey Love. Joining us now is Mo Bro Favorite, the one, the only, Bill from Brooklyn. There is so much going on in the news that I have been wanting to talk to you all about with Bill. Bill, welcome back to the Nerve.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Thank you for having me. And I would like it pointed out that I, I should be the original Mo Bro.

[Maureen Callahan]

I'm dying. I did not come up with that name, but it's too good. Like I have to use it.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

I mean, it kind of stuck, right?

[Maureen Callahan]

So it's so funny. Yes, but you are the og, my friend, to be sure. Now, there are a couple of stories that I really wanted to talk to you about because these are stories that transcend sport and have pierced the culture. So even if you're not a rabid sports fan, you're probably conversant. Excuse me, the first one. Tiger Woods. And before we get into it, I just want to show this clip. We didn't have this body cam footage on our last nerve when we talked about this, but this is Tiger who this was caught on. Police body cam seems to have wandered quite far afield from the enormous SUV he has rolled over. Second time rolling over an suv, I suspect perhaps sprinkling some of his narcos in the bushes and helpfully telling the police, who have not asked who it is he has been talking to on his phone. Here we go.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Get you to hang out down here with us, please.

[Maureen Callahan]

Thank you so much.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

All right, you got it. Thank you.

[Interviewer/Host]

Bye.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Is that good?

[Maureen Callahan]

Just keep you down here with us, please.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah, I was just talking to the president.

[Maureen Callahan]

Just another day in Florida. I was just talking to the president, Bill. I think this is who this guy is. You know, the messaging we're getting from so much of the mainstream media, including the likes of Whoopi Goldberg, is. The guy just had a really rough childhood. In fact, he didn't have a childhood. So, you know, he rolls a few cars now and again under the influence. We should all just be more understanding. And I think Tiger woods has always been a prick. What do you think?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Couldn't agree more. First of all, I started to watch that video, and then the moment he said, I'm just on the phone with the President, I had to turn it off. I just. I couldn't stomach any more than 10, 15 seconds of it. And, you know, for that guy, with the amount of money he has, when I go out, if I'm going out to dinner and I know I'm gonna have a few drinks, I take an Uber.

[Maureen Callahan]

I know you do.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

It's got more money than any of us could ever dream of. He'll have more money than his kids can ever spend, but yet he has to get behind the wheel of a car under God knows what. What drugs he's taking and he's taking.

[Maureen Callahan]

He may as well be a heroin addict.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah, this is.

[Maureen Callahan]

This is the thing. The media talks about it like, oh, he's got a prescription pill problem. He's had so many sur. You know, he's had so many surgeries, in part because he keeps crashing his car. He almost killed himself in LA in that 20, 21 single car collision. He. I mean, I'm supposed to feel sorry for a guy who's not only trying to take himself out, but is trying to take somebody else with him.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

So think about it from this perspective. And I said this to you not too long ago, but, you know, I. I've done some stupid things with cars in my younger years, and I know a lot of people who did a lot dumber things than I did. And I know one person in my entire life that flipped a car. This guy's done it.

[Maureen Callahan]

Really?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

He's done it twice by himself.

[Maureen Callahan]

I gotta ask you, this person, you know, who flipped a car, like, can you talk a little bit about the circumstances and where and, like, how they. Did they walk away?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah, completely walked away. Was speeding on the Meadowbrook Parkway, flipped the car and told me that the entire thing was in slow motion. He was doing, I think was over 100 miles an hour in a BMW. And it went on.

[Maureen Callahan]

For people who don't know, the Meadowbrook Parkway, that's on Long island, it's not particularly wide, but you can. Like, the minimum speed limit is about 55. So you could do. Not that I'm speaking from experience, but. No, go on.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

But yes. Are you speeding? I forget what caused him to flip, but he flipped and he said as the car started going over, it went complete slow motion, and. And he skidded on the roof for I don't know how long. And he said he was able to have all these thoughts of, this is how it's going to end, and had, you know, the life flash before his eyes and just slowly thought, this is how I'm going to die. And then the car just came to arrest, and he's able to get out of it. Fortunate for him that changed his life at a young age. Tiger. I mean, all these people that are driving on the roads that are following the laws, kids going to school, you know, doctors, nurses, police, firemen going to work. We all have to watch out for him because he can't stop getting high or he can't hire an Uber. Why can't he hire an Uber? Where is it that he is going that he doesn't want anyone to know? What's he doing?

[Maureen Callahan]

Here's the deal. He. He should have a private driver. He should pay him a nice salary. He should have him sign the mother of all NDAs. And, Tiger, no one's going to be shocked that you're whoring it up at no one Cares clubs or Hooters, or that you're going to see your dealer. We know you've got a drug dealer. Okay? We know no one's gonna be shocked. Just my opinion. Just my opinion. Now. So he got to leave the country, which is the other thing I wanna ask you about. Fourth major accident that we know of. And his lawyer petitions the court and says, you know, Tiger can really only get the help he needs outside of America.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

He's Sweden, right?

[Maureen Callahan]

Is that where he is? I don't think you read Matthew Perry's memoir, but I did. And in it, he wrote about loving going to Europe, loving going to rehabs in Europe. You know why it's so much easier to roll those doctors over there and convince them to give you drugs?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah, he. I mean, I think this is just who he is at this point. And he's going to do whatever he wants. I mean, listen, he. I don't know if he is at this point but this is number two on the dwi, right. He should at minimum be a convicted felon. Is this four for dwi?

[Maureen Callahan]

I'm not sure I should know that but you know, but that's the thing. It's like Rules for the not for me. And back to Tiger just as a, as a well known prick. Do you remember I forget the magazine. This was back when magazines mattered that did finally run this profile of Tiger and it was people finally being like, you know the guy is an asshole, he's cheap as fuck, nobody wants to be his caddy. He's a spoiled brat. Don't fall for this line that he's like malformed emotionally and psychologically because he didn't have a childhood. He's been told he's the greatest thing since Jesus Christ since the time he was 2.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

So I, I was reading an article over the weekend and I believe it was Rory McElroy who just won the Masters over the weekend and it was something with his wife who was getting extremely frustrated and upset with Tiger woods because Tiger would text Rory at all hours of the night working out. No. Well, I'm out lifting at 4 o' clock in the morning I'm lifting. What are you doing? And it would wake them up out of a sound sleep and it's just that you know, that egomaniac but he's also, you know, very weak minded. In, in my opinion you're doing those things to, to, to a co. You know, to, to appear someone who looked up to you. It's not, it's pretty well known that Rory McElroy looked up to Tiger and you know, was one of his heroes and you know, just Tiger is, Tiger is a piece of Tiger.

[Maureen Callahan]

Do you think Tiger's trying to like with Rory McElroy a little bit?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

I think so. I think there's a little gamesmanship in there. You know the thing is I don't think the true, the true greats like you know, Tigers is an all time great of course but the real ones, they don't need to say it. They, they just, they do it and it's known. Yes he, you know to have to do that to you know, it's not a sign of encouragement trying to weaken the competition. I don't think Tiger has a true friend to him anyway. I think everybody is, is some sort of competition.

[Maureen Callahan]

I think you're absolutely right and I think this is a major part of his problem. I don't think Tiger has a true friend in the world. I don't think. I think everyone in his life is either transactional or professional. That's it.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Even people in the professional circuit. That's, oh, he needs help. He needs this, he needs that. I mean, are we waiting for him to kill someone? Are we waiting for him to put somebody in a wheelchair for the rest of their life? At what point do we just call like it is and say, this guy know everybody needs to stop paying attention to him, stop allowing him on. On the PGA Tour, on the circuit. There are plenty other great golfers out there right now that can carry the sport. I mean, he brought it into the mainstream, yes, but that was a long time ago. And unless he gets clean and stops putting himself and so many others in harm's way every day, I think so it's time somebody makes a stand.

[Maureen Callahan]

I couldn't agree with you more. He needs prison time. It's the only thing that's going to work. It's the only thing that has a shot. Now moving on to his twin soul, I believe his twin flame, Lindsey Vonn, who he was with for three years, also almost lost her leg. Almost lost her leg in a completely reckless, spoiled, entitled insistence that she compete with once again in the Winter Olympics. As you so, like perfectly put it, she stole a slot from a younger athlete who may never get the chance again. What does she do again? You were so right, Bill. You called this. You said her real addiction is to fame. You're totally right. She just sat with the Today show last week, and she sits with Craig Melvin, who says to her, you know what, Lindsay? You've been through a lot, and you just had five surgeries over the past few weeks and you nearly lost your leg and they had to medevac you off that mountain. And is now the time when you just say, you know what? I had a great run. I made my family proud. I made my country proud. I made myself proud. And now it's time to hang it up. Let's take a look and see if you can guess her answer. It's not a question of can I or I already have. It's just that ski racing is something I love to do, and I never got to. I never got a final run. I never got to say goodbye. I think it leaves the door slightly open to. I don't know, maybe I would do one more race to say goodbye. Or maybe I. Maybe I'll race again. It might be fun to do one more. One more run, Bill.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

She never got to say goodbye because she face planted into this snow on the way down the mountain.

[Maureen Callahan]

I mean, I mean, I think technically wasn't she face up?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah, I mean, whatever. At some point I'm sure she's. Her face hit the snow. But you know, come on, enough's enough. The problem here is ski racing is it's in every four year event realistically on, on the major networks and there's not enough attention for her. That's all it is. So she would have to wait another four years to get any kind of attention just being a broadcaster for the next Olympics. And I guess that's not enough for. So instead of, you know, moving on to the next phase, next chapter of her life, she has to keep throwing out the comeback, the improbable comeback, the, you know, I don't know, he'll be

[Maureen Callahan]

80 with a walker. You know what? I just, I didn't get a chance to say a proper goodbye. We would like to say goodbye to Lindsey Vaughn. You know, she posed for Vanity Fair in like some dress, like slid up to the hip to show off the leg. She almost lost. I mean it's like a real sickness. And I really want to know your thought. What distinguishes athletes such as Tom Brady, Michael Strahan, John McEnroe, the ones who say I, my time has come and gone. I mean, it took Tom Brady a minute to get there. He did come out of retirement or even Michael Jordan. I was the greatest at what I did. The greatest, greatest. I can move on with my life. You know, as an athlete you have a shelf life. It's just built in. And the Tigers and the Lindsey Vaughn's of the world who cannot let go.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

So I don't know if you remember when, when we were younger, there was a player for the Yankees named Lupinella. Do you remember him?

[Maureen Callahan]

Oh yeah. You loved him.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah, Lupinella was a, he was a really good ballplay. Not a superstar, but you know, fiery temper, who's out there, gave it everything he had. And I remember when he retired, he had a statistically good solid year, but he termed it after he retired as it was a soft number. Like the numbers. Yes, they were there and they look good on the back of his baseball card, but they were kind of inflated and they weren't, they didn't happen when it most mattered. And he knew even though his numbers looked okay, he was on the downward slope. And that was, you know, towards the end. And he decided to bow out gracefully at that time. And I fully believe that all athletes know that's coming. They see it, they feel it, they know They're a step slower. They know their arm strength is not there, whatever, whatever sport it is, and they just, they have to accept it, move on and. And some of them move on and do well in, in other arenas, in other aspects of their life. And others struggle and can never let go. And unfortunately for Lindsay Vaughn, I. She just seems that she's going to hold on to that with it with a death grip. And hopefully, hopefully she doesn't. Someone talks some sense into her and she doesn't go up on one of these mountains again because it's. Could be.

[Maureen Callahan]

Sometimes I wonder, you know, it's like there's, there's no, there's nothing else in her life. Same with Tiger. You know, Tiger's got kids. I'm sure we'll be revisiting as these two mental cases continue to, you know, act out.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

They're not great thinkers.

[Maureen Callahan]

They're not great thinkers. I want to get to some real heroes. Real heroes. And I've been dying to talk to you about this because I have theories. I want to know your theories. The rescue of the downed pilot behind enemy lines in Iran. Now, again, we're not talking whether you're for this war or against it. You know, we're just talking about a US service person goes down and we do everything we can to get them out. The CIA used what they call. They say it's a new technology called a ghost murmur. It's called ghost murmur technology. It kind of reminds me of like the Mission Impossible Ghost protocol. But they basically told the press, they said what this thing is, is if you have a heartbeat, this is the quote. If you have a heartbeat, we're going to find you. And they say they use this along with some CIA evasion techniques to locate this guy who ejected out of the fighter plane going down and ran to hide. Climbed a 7,000 foot ridgeline, they said, found shelter in a crevice. Now, we're going to watch a little bit because I was fascinated by this. They have these little planes, colloquially the United States military. There's a friendly name for them and then a more deadly name. The friendly name is Little Birds. They're little birds and they're basically helicopters that go into C130s and have rotors that come off and like basically pack flat. Like if you ever get like a bed from Ikea and you know, the mattress slats, like they pack flat. But the real name is killer eggs. They call them killer eggs. We're gonna watch a little bit of this video explaining and showing what these planes do. And then I wanna talk to you about this rescue. Here we go.

[Interviewer/Host]

Several little birds flew up to the mountain where the airman was hiding in a crevice. According to US Officials, at least one of them was able to land on the mountain to rescue him. But before that could happen, the little birds were flown inside Iran in C130 transport planes. The blades on the little birds are designed to fold so they can be packed up like this and loaded onto airplanes. That enables them to be deployed quickly around the world.

[Maureen Callahan]

Bill, so I. My theory, first of all, I've been reading about this story, and I'm just amazed that they, they were able to rescue him. You know, he had a bounty on his head for the ages. What are your thoughts as to how they actually did find him versus the official story?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

I'm. I'm sure that they have. They had some Iranians working with them. I'm sure there was a significant amount of money exchanged someplace for information about where he could be, how they could potentially get there. You know, some of the technology they used, I'm sure it exists. And, you know, we first say, hats off to all the servicemen and women that were involved in rescuing this guy. They all risk their own lives for the lives of one person. So that, that type of courage you have to stand up and appreciate, you know, as far as, you know, what they had to do. That, that heart murmur, that was scary. But it kind of brings you back. And you look at it, that might be how they got bin Laden. I mean, they, you know, they can sense human life in places where you might not expect it. I was also reading about how they weren't sure if he had been captured or not, and they were trying to communicate with him to make sure it was him, and they weren't sending all these men and women into it, into an Iranian trap. So just a remarkable story. It sounds like it's going to make one hell of a movie someday.

[Maureen Callahan]

You know, it's funny you mentioned Zero Dark Thirty, which is an incredible film. Kathryn Bigelow, one of the very few female directors working today. Have you seen that movie? Have we ever talked about that movie?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah, so I've never seen the movie. I never sat down for one reason or another, I never sat down to watch it.

[Maureen Callahan]

I would say if you watch anything, you don't have to watch the whole. I would say watch the whole thing. And James Gandolfini is actually in it. He has a small but very important part, but the TikTok, they, they recreate the bin Laden Raid. And I remember reading the TikTok of that bin Laden raid in the New Yorker years and years ago, and she freaking nailed it. She nailed it. And it is. And even though, you know, this is the mark of a brilliant filmmaker, even though you know exactly how this thing is going to end, you are on the edge of your fucking seat with it. But I always thought. I thought this was the first thing I googled. After they got this guy, I just assumed that the United States military, like, microchips, fighter pilots like, that, they would put a subcutaneous chip the way you chip a dog.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah.

[Maureen Callahan]

So it will emit. They say they don't, but I don't believe it.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

I just assumed they had some type of technology on them, you know, like an apple tag, for lack of a better term. They had something with them that was, you know, traceable throughout any. Any region. I mean, you wonder if they get wet, if they have to, you know, find their way through a river. Like, how does that technology survive? But I mean, what a story this guy had. What was it, you know, almost 48 hours alone.

[Maureen Callahan]

48 hours surviving through the wilderness. But, you know, and the terrain there, it's like. It's so flat and rough, I think. And the other thing I wanted to say to you is the. The whole time, like, 48 hours, they extract this guy, they locate him, verify it's him, send in special ops, get him out safely. They can't find Nancy Guthrie.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Jimmy Hoffa. I know.

[Maureen Callahan]

Okay.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

It's amazing.

[Maureen Callahan]

One of the other stories that you and I have been following very closely. We were talking about it the night that the capsule splashed back down to Earth. This moon voyage which has captured everyone's imagination. And it seems we're on the verge of a new space age. Trump says America will be back on the moon, boots on the ground, as it were, in 2027 or 2028. Now, that made me think, you know, why. Why have we not been back to the moon? So. Since 1969? That's weird. It's fucking weird. I'm sorry. And I want to show this clip of Joe Rogan, and then we'll talk about it.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

You're moon landing. You're not a. You believe in the moon landing, right? I used to believe in the moon landing. You don't anymore? I had a joke in my act about it that before COVID I would have told you, vaccines, the most important invention in human history. And after Covid, I'm like, I don't think we went to the moon, Bill. So I never thought of it until you sent me that clip. And that clip. I mean, I love a good conspiracy theory, but that clip made me question so many things that I just took for a fact over the years. And, you know, something. Something as simple, you know, the guest that said something to the effect of. Or I don't know if it was the guest of Joe Rogan, but it was back then. You could so easily create a conspiracy like this because, you know, there was no cameras everywhere. And, you know, it would have been kept to such a small group of people. Whereas if you tried that now, between social media and there's a camera everywhere, and everybody seems to want to be the first to report anything, it's virtually impossible to do it. But really, it's a really fair question. Why haven't we been.

[Maureen Callahan]

Exactly. It makes me think of like. So the best corollary I could come up with is medical. There's a medical miracle, There's a breakthrough that's like, we've cured Alzheimer's. We figured it out. Or we figured out how to cure pancreatic cancer. Right. The kind of cancer that's like, by the time they diagnose it, you're dead. And then the medical establishment says, you know what? We're done. We're done here. We're not gonna try to cure Parkinson's or Ms. We're not gonna try to cure lung cancer or brain cancer. That's it. We're done. Like, it makes no sense why America has not been back to the moon.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah. Especially considering everything else we do. We're always trying to one up one better. Lindsay Vaughn, perfect case. Right. I mean, she had a historical Olympic career, yet she's still out there trying to one up it. But we all. We all do it at some point. So we landed on the moon and then. Stop it. I mean, I don't. I don't know how. How to feel about it. I just watched it yesterday. Foot it. Definitely.

[Maureen Callahan]

They talk a little bit. They go into a little bit more detail, too, about, you know, he says there's, you know. And I would have to read it to fact check it for myself, but he says there was an instance where a foreign dignitary was presented with what he was called a moon rock, and it turned out to be like plywood.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah.

[Maureen Callahan]

And that you can actually go to Antarctica and pick up some moon rocks because they've been smashed into the earth. I wanted to show this thing you. I know you've seen this because I remember showing this to you when we were Kids, it's one of the Onion's best, best headlines of all time, memorializing the moon landing. And the brilliance of this thing is that this is the way it should have been covered by the mainstream media. The headline, Holy shit. The readout, man walks on fucking moon. Neil Armstrong's historic first words on moon. Holy living fuck. Talking to Tranquility back down on Earth. He says, I also fucking absolutely am standing on the surface of the fucking moon. I am talking to you from the goddamn fucking moon. Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket. Yeah, now that. That. That has the ring of truth to me.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah.

[Maureen Callahan]

You.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

You would expect a whole lot of emotion to. I mean, you would know you're an astronaut, right? Like when you first crack, you know,

[Maureen Callahan]

I just heard Marlena laughing out loud from the other room. Is that what you were saying? You know, I don't like to brag. I don't. But, yes, I know the feeling. I know. I can tell you when. As soon as I came back down. What did I do? I think they had a really nice spread at the airport. You hungry?

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Yeah. You work up an appetite.

[Maureen Callahan]

You do work up an appetite in space. But no, you're so right about that. And the. And the thing. The line that we always get fed from the mainstream media is. Or the experts is like, oh, well, you know, you have to have a certain comportment, like a certain wiring to be an astronaut and go up into space and, like, risk burning up on your way up or way down. Or, you know, you have to be, like, emotionless to the point of being almost a psychopath.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

And.

[Maureen Callahan]

And I just don't buy it. I just don't buy it.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

I don't know. I. You know, it's so. It's. It's really. It's one thing to think, right? I'm going to go up into space and remain in my aircraft and. And circle around, but then it's a whole nother thing to land someplace to land on the moon. And, you know, I'm definitely. Gave me something to think about, that's for sure.

[Maureen Callahan]

I know. No, we don't want to commit to the idea that, you know, but there, that. That Joe Rogan clip. Anybody who's watching the show and is interested, you should go back and take a look. Just Google Joe Rogan moon landing conspiracy. It'll come right up. It's got something like 2 million views. So clearly he struck a nerve. Bill, we love having you. I don't even think we got to everything. I wanted to talk to you about today. But it was such fun. Thank you for coming back to the Nerve.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Thank you for having me. I had a great time.

[Maureen Callahan]

That's it. We will be back in a minute with troublemaker feedback and more. See you in a minute. Did you know that the condition of your hair, skin, nails, mental clarity and energy all begins with gut health? Adding quality colostrum to your daily routine can help with all of this. Today's sponsor Cowboy Colostrum offers the highest quality bovine colostrum available 100% American made from 100% American grass fed cows. Unlike other Colostrum brands, Cowboy Colostrum is true first day whole colostrum rich in bioactives. They also use ethical practices ensuring that they only collect the surplus colostrum after baby calves have had their fill. Made with natural ingredients and no artificial flavors. Just add a scoop of their chocolate, Madagascar, vanilla, matcha or strawberry into your morning smoothie and get healthy from the inside out. For a limited time, our listeners are getting up to 25% off your entire order. Just head to cowboycolostrum.com Maureen and use code Maureen at checkout. That's 25% off when you use code maureenowicolostrum.com Maureen whether it's a birthday trip,

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[Maureen Callahan]

we are back. Now before we get into what we all know is the best part of any nerve troublemaker feedback, we must address. We must address this invasion happening in our beloved Australia. Harry and Meghan, the Duchess of Despair and endless grievance. And her hapless balless husband, Prince Harry. This report from the Daily Mail. Harry tells Australians he didn't want to be a royal. And I'm going to read a little bit from this. It's was published April 16th by Martin Robinson. Prince Harry today declared that he never wanted to be a working royal because it, quote, killed his mother. No, his mother was killed by a drunk driver. She refused to wear a seatbelt. And if she had stayed a royal and had not also refused her royal protection, she would still be alive. Okay. After Harry's wife, Meghan. Wait for it. Oh, my God, you guys. Like, you know, I say Meghan has. Has firmly entered into her camp era, which is where she will remain. Like she's in full camp. Like it's camp. Megan told Australian fans, excuse Martin, you're a colleague, but there's no way this trick has fans in Australia. We hear from Australians all day long. She was, quote, bullied online for a decade. What does she mean? Was? And bullying is not the correct word. Megan, we just see you. We just see you. And became. Megan says, quote, the most trolled person in the entire world. Now that's a megalomaniac for you. That's a malignant narcissist for you. She's not just trolled, she's the most trolled. And she's not just the most trolled in America or North America, but she's the most trolled in the entire world. You know, like she has to be the best at everything. Even if it's being the worst. Even if it's being the living fucking worst, which is what Meghan Markle is. And you know, when Kinsey Schofield was on not too long ago, we said that we were gonna start calling Megan. What was it? It was the rapist, right, from Arrested Development, which is like, you take it apart. The rapist, and it's the rapist. Like she's a cultural rapist. Like, we're sick of her shit. Shut the fuck up. Continuing on from the Daily Mail report, the highly personal and emotional comments came on day three of the Duke and Duchess's Australian tour. Speaking at the. Are you fucking kidding me? $1,000 ahead? What idiots are paying $1,000 ahead to listen to what I'm about to tell you? And I'm gonna guess that you guys can guess this at an Inter Edge summit. Inter Edge, very interesting. In Melbourne Park, Harry said he had, quote, mind you, this is a middle aged man. Middle aged what passes for a man. He had felt, quote, lost, betrayed, or completely powerless, end quote. During his life, quote, after my mom died just before my 13th birthday, I was like, I don't want this job. I don't want this role. I don't like it. Then leave. Get out of our lives. God. God. The lack of self awareness. What are you doing over there? You're trying to be royals. You're trying to be royals. So if you don't like it, leave now. Megan spoke to students at Melbourne's Swinburne University of Technology about the dangers of social media and its impact on mental health, urging them to be, quote, strong. She added, for now, 10 years, every day, for 10 years, I have been bullied and attacked. I'm still here. Regrettably. Regrettably, Meghan Markle is still in our fucking faces. Now my algorithm knows that I'm involved with the nerve, clearly, because this next clip crossed my feed not long after these two losers. And trust me, they are losers. Who's going to pay? Who among you really is paying a thousand bucks ahead to listen to this guy whinge and moan all day long? In Australia, they have been dubbed the ginger and the winger, and it's Chef's effing kiss. Now we're going to look at Megan at a women's shelter in Australia in Melbourne, and we're going to take a look at this reel. Listen, if you can hear. I think the audio is up. Enough of what this homeless woman says to Megan as Megan, her wristwatch alone, which belonged to Diana, it's a gold Cartier tank That is worth $26,000. Here we go.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

You are so nice.

[Maureen Callahan]

So the. The woman who's off cam, because we cannot have an actual homeless woman in the same frame as Meghan Markle. I believe she's wearing, like, Christian Dior, which I'm sure she had to buy off the rack. I just do not think the house would loan her anything. I believe it was also Meghan Markle's camp, allegedly reportedly that at some point last year floated that Dior would just die to have Megan as the face of the house. So this woman is saying to Megan, oh, my God, you look like a model. You look like a model. You look so good. And Megan's, like, leaning in over the. Over the food again. We're just, like, leaning over food like we did in our Netflix special that was just axed unceremoniously. And she goes, wait, say that again. I can't hear you. Could you say it louder? You know, there's cameras here. You're saying I look wonderful, right? I look wonderful, right? And then she does that thing she always does where she puts her eyebrows just like, oh, God, are you serious? I just. I can't believe it. Oh, God. She has the temerity to show up at a shelter feeding people who don't have money to purchase a hot meal dressed in clothing and jewelry whose worth is the equivalent of a down payment on a house in front of homeless people. This fucking fuck with twat. I cannot fucking stand her. Now on to Hoda Copy. On to Hoda, who has been excitedly making all the media rounds representing the Today Show. Craig. Craig, my man, you made a miscalculation going on vacation with your kids, as stated in an earlier nerve this week. You got to look at those kids the way Hoda looks at her kids, okay? At this point, hodious kids are liabilities, and they are well on their way to becoming afterthoughts. We are back in Studio 1A, having resigned a year ago to spend more time with our children because we had the epiphany. Only a morning show host would consider this an epiphany. These are my words, not hers. But some in substance. They're representational. That time with small children is fleeting and it's time you never get back. And Hoda was there for one hot minute, and she was like this. The PTA has nothing on some strangers out in Rockefeller Plaza screaming my name. Craig, this is Hoda onset lip syncing. And this one, my friend, is for you. She's lip syncing. We can't play the whole thing. You know, it's licensing. It's since youe've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. For my Money, one of the greatest pop songs ever, ever, ever written. And Hoda's just banging it out. She's. She's rocking and rolling as much as one can in a tailored pantsuit and beige basic heels for morning tv. Now here's Hoda getting emotional about sitting next to Savannah again. I mean, we did just, like, take our pound of flesh in a Dateline special that was also carved up into three parts on Today where Savannah had to talk about her unrelenting agony before drying her tears and saying it was time to come back. Enough times elapsed. You know, we gotta get back to work. Here we go. It's been fun holding her hand. I mean, that's been my favorite part. Like, just sitting next to her. That's all there is, holding Savannah's hand. Okay, let's get real. Who can forget as Mark Bowden and I discussed with. So, like, this was one of the greatest body language segments ever done. We are a baby show. We're about to turn one. But, I mean, Mark is always a banger. Let's revisit Hoda. Licking her lips and fluttering her eyelids as Savannah relays the brutality she's been living with, the nightmares that she suffers almost every, like, I call that a professional orgasm. Okay. She's not Savannah's real friend. Oh, and by the way, just one other note before we get on to your feedback. The Washington Post just slammed and rammed Lena Dunham's new memoir into the ground. Okay. Once upon a time, Lena Dunham, in a publication like the Washington Post, which is owned by Jeff Bezos, Amazon. You know what I mean? She would have been un fucking touchable. I am telling you guys, the troublemakers, the Nerve. We are moving the culture. People are beginning to say the things they once thought unsayable. Lena Dunham sucks. I'm reading her book right now. We'll deal with it later. Okay, now onto your feedback. Onto your feedback. Dearest Queen Maureen, I will take it. Okay. Something grabbed my attention on Wednesday's episode of the Nerve at Night. Now, many of you troublemakers emailed me and also spoke about this in the comments. We at Nerve hq, we monitor the comments. We take all of your feedback. Good, bad, all of it. And I couldn't laser in on the name of the color green that Carey Mulligan was supposed to be the only person to wear at that Netflix party in her honor and that that huge, gigantic twat named Meghan Markle also wore to that same party despite being told the dress code. Allegedly. Reportedly despite being told the dress code for every other guest who was invited. And, you know, Meghan, by the way, wasn't invited. She. She called to get an invite herself. Allegedly. Reportedly also decided to wear so she could try to steal the spotlight because she has a bottomless pit of need that will never be filled. And it's chartreuse. It's Chartreuse. Now. Name changes. I refer to Meghan Markle's favorite failed show and hilarious product line as was never. And I propose we change Hoda Copy's name to Toda Copy. I love that it's so inventive. After the invasive and toxic species known as the cane toad. This is. This is something I'm learning. Troublemaker Rachel. Cane toads secrete irritating toxins from their skin that can cause severe illness and lasting pain. I could not love you guys more. Rachel continues. Todecapi Already has that effect on us. But look out, Craig. And Rachel is a frequent writer to the nerve. And I recognize you by your sign off Jack Kerouac's quote. I have nothing to offer anyone except my own confusion. Maureen, as discussed, we're working on doing at least one live show this year, maybe one or two more. Maureen, please do a live show in Oklahoma City. Big fans here. If I can contribute to being a troublemaker. Oh, you can. You can be a troublemaker in spirit, in letter, in email, in art, in sending your dogs pictures, anything you like. If you it's like Lena Dunham says about art. If you say it's art, it's art. You could just be a predator, a pervert, a sexual deviant who's masturbating beneath floorboards at a gallery eight hours a day and calling it art. So it's art. But, but in truth, if you, if you call yourself a troublemaker, you're a troublemaker. Really? That's it. I've had many encounters with politicians, celebrities and public officials while working as a flight attendant for 33 years at a major, major airline. Some were, some were very nice. Jennifer Lopez, Whitney Houston were bitches. Diana Ross knocked on my hotel door wanting liquor from my mini bar. Troublemaker, Keep writing to us, please. Hi, Maureen, this is troublemaker David from San Diego. Who the last email I read from David, I said you have the same name as a publishing giant in New York City and he's writing to tell me he's not that David. And I do believe you. He says my publishing bona fides only extend as far as the occasional letter to the editor. That's funny. I'm a consumer of culture. I have a deep reverence for old Hollywood. Me too. I've known of Lena Dunham in the show Girls, but I've never actually heard her voice until you aired clips from her New York Times interview. It's true that her voice is very difficult to listen to. You would think after all this time that Lena Dunham, and this is why this folds into my theory that she's a destroyer and she's extremely self destructive. I mean, we know that from her morbid obesity, which she has eaten herself into, but you would think she would have availed herself of a vocal coach. Listening to her was hard work. David continues. Trying to decode all of the obfuscation was irritating. What happened to the underrated art of plain spokenness? I am right there with you now this troublemaker David goes on to discuss. Now this is, I love this interview. It's one Elizabeth Taylor and her then husband, Senate Senator Mark Warner, gave to Barbara Walters in the 70s. And we did this Barbara Walters doc. It was included in the Barbara Walters doc on Hulu that came out, I think, last summer. We covered it on the Nerve. And then I had a very lengthy conversation with Megyn Kelly about it on her show, and it was a really fascinating discussion. But he says, David, that That interview from April 6, 1977 is more illustrative of plain spokenness than I remembered. You know, I love Elizabeth Taylor so much. We should do a segment on her at some point. I just love her so much. But Mark Warner says he wants his wife Liz to eat more vegetables. Elizabeth says she enjoys eating. Barbara Walters asks if she minds. Barbara Walters could be such a. Such a raging. Barbara Walters was so jealous of Elizabeth Taylor. Even when Elizabeth Taylor was going through it with her weight gain and addictions. Barbara Walters was so envious, jealous of Elizabeth Taylor because Elizabeth was everything Barbara thought she would never be, which was, you know, Liz was a raving beauty. Barbara asks her if she minds if people call her fat. Notice nobody's asking Lena Dunham about that. To which Elizabeth responds, I am fat. Love you, Elizabeth Taylor. Now and forever, dear Maureen. Meghan Markle, who this troublemaker calls for. Farkle. I love it. This comparison. I read this and it struck me as utterly brilliant. Reminds me of patriarch. Am I saying this right now? I did see this film, so forgive me if I'm wrong. The character played by Colin Farrell in the Banshees of Inner Sharon. Inner Sharon. Am I saying that right? Great movie. Well, we can talk about that later. But the Colin Farrell character wouldn't take no for an answer after his longtime friend Calm, played by Brendan Gleason, wanted to end the friendship. And the guy kept showing up everywhere. And that, this troublemaker says is Meghan Markle. Brilliant. Hi, Maureen. I've heard you mention Survivor a couple of times on your show, including how it turned. It turned shamefully woke for a stretch of seasons starting around 20. 20, 2021. I'm curious if you're still a fan viewer, perhaps a former one. I. I watched it in the very beginning. I fell a little bit off. I went back to watch the Mike White season, which I found fascinating. I need to go into Survivor 50. I absolutely do. I have friends and family who are loving it, loving it. I do think it is among the greatest reality shows ever made. I will say that I recently learned and this surprised me. I don't know why that. And I guess Mike White is the exception to the rule. You know? You know what I mean? You know the creator of the White Lotus, that Jeff Probst has a rule in which if any other, if any Survivor contestant does any other reality TV show, and mind you, now this is a whole genre unto itself and a lot of reality stars make their money by cross pollinating and going on different reality TV shows or competitive reality, what have you. This is how they pay their bills and keep their lights on. But Jeff Probst serve considers Survivor like you do Survivor, and if you do another show, you're dead to him. So that's why you don't see the likes of Boston Rob on Survivor 50. You know, that's just being a fucking asshole. It's Survivor, it's great. But get real, it's television. You know what I mean? Okay. Oh, so I got a lot of emails from you guys. This is the last email for today. Who were responding to the email. I read a show or two ago from the troublemaker who wrote in about the kind of grief that is unresolved when a loved one goes missing and the, the real, real issues she was having with the messaging that Savannah and the Today show are giving around her return to today. You know, these sort of aphorisms that are now somehow enshrined in the culture, like they're the ten Commandments, like turn your pain into purpose, decide and do. And this troublemaker was saying, the brain does not know what to do with a missing loved one. The brain does not know how to resolve that because they're both gone and not gone. And the nervous system doesn't know how to process it. And that there's a real danger in the culture if this becomes considered the norm because you're pushing against what the body and the soul and the brain know to be true. And you know, this culture has got to get better at being like, we can be. We. We have to be able to talk about things that are unresolved. I have forever, forever loathed the word closure. And now it's enshrined in the culture and it gets thrown around like it's nothing. There's no such fucking thing as closure. You can make your peace with something as best you can. Closure. Bullshit. Bullshit term for dwarf minds. I was saying to Marlena the other day, we need to resurrect dwarf minds. It's been a minute. Okay, so anyway, dear Maureen, I wanted to bring a book to your attention. Thank you. Troublemaker women who talk to the dead. This sounds fascinating and I Want it in My Pile by ex FBI agent Katherine Schwelt. It is the story of an FBI agent and Detroit police detective who worked with a team to resolve and unify missing persons cold cases. 200 successes. Everyone on the team is a woman. I gotta read this book. Their first success was identifying a man's long missing mother. I am absolutely getting this book. Keep your feedback coming. Email me please maureenvilmakehairmedia.com or DM me on Instagram @maureen callahanrider or at the Nerve Show Remember to subscribe to the nerve [e-mail] that is our weekly email. Do it. After you listen to today's episode, go over to thenervshow.com you're going to see a prompt. Would you like to subscribe to the the substack? Just put your name in. It is our weekly email. It will drop in your inbox in a couple of hours after today's show. Every Friday after the last full Nerve, I saw a couple of people asking how much it costs if you want to get through the paywall section. It's only five bucks a month and it really does help the show to grow and it's so fun. And Teddy has basically threatened that he's just going to take over writing it. He's a ham. What can I say? Up next, Nikki Glaser it's time. It's time. She she's going to the woodshed. Full woodshed and then possibly the wood chipper. We will see you in a minute. 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[Interviewer/Host]

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[Maureen Callahan]

we are back now on to Nikki Glaser. I have been wanting to take this person to the woodshed for quite a while, but now that she is on one of the covers of Time magazine having been named one of their 100 most influential people, this is how bad it is for magazines. Okay? Time magazine last year, you know who they put who they awarded as one of the most influential people? Blake Lively, who used that occasion to tell the story of her mother's sexual assault. Not your story to tell. Stolen valor. Now they've chosen Nikki Glaser. They've chosen a woman whose most persistent message to young girls and women is that there is nothing more liberating than being deeply in love with a man who not only continues to want to fuck other women, but has your absolute blessing because you're such a cool girl that this is what being a cool girl is. There are many, many dangerous people out there spreading very dangerous messages to girls and young women. And I don't like it. I'm no moralist. I'm just saying this is unhealthy. It's unhealthy. Physically. She's putting her health at risk. She's like, oh, he just needs to wear a condom. It's fine. It's not putting their physical health, their emotional health, their psychological health, their, their sense of worth. These women have no self esteem. Nikki Glaser. I just wish someone would say to her, nikki, what happened to you in your childhood, that you have zero self esteem. You're rich now, you're famous. Do you have a therapist? Do you have a friend in the world who would say to you, listen, I love you and I just want you to be happy. This can't be the way. I don't think she does. So anyway, Nikki toddled over to call her daddy and even Alex Cooper. Even Alex Cooper, who's. Whose podcast is about as deep as a kiddie pool. Okay, she doesn't go deep, but she's like, you know, talk to me a little bit about this. I struggle to understand Alex Cooper. It's a sex podcast. It's like what they call sex positive, which means, like, you're not supposed to criticize anything about anybody's way in which they, you know, like, if you're Lindy west, you know, you've eaten yourself into morbid obesity. You marry a guy who makes you cry all the time because he's like, you know what?

[Interviewer/Host]

I don't.

[Maureen Callahan]

I'm not attracted to you. I'm gonna go this woman over here, then I'm gonna move her into the house that we shared that you inherited, and you pay all the bills and you do all the work, and we're gonna be in the next room having lots of sex first. Nikki sets the table. Like she's. What she's trying to do is kind of bulletproof herself here, or make herself bulletproof, rather, because she's. She's beginning by saying her boyfriend, who I'm just gonna. She would not use this word. I'm using it. He cheats on her all the time. Cheats on her all the time. She's totally cool with it. She's cool girl. Now she says that he has given her a hall pass, but her hall pass is only if she happens to meet an A list celebrity that she has always had a crush on. And she is not allowed to pursue said celebrity. She can't even DM them. No, no, no, no, no. He says to her, it has to happen naturally. Like, you have to find yourself somehow in their presence in order. You know, that's the only way. He's got a lot of rules, this guy. Lot of rules. Anyway, here's Nikki on how that works.

[Interviewer/Host]

There's, like, probably another one that I would be like, oh, yeah. But he would never be into me because of, like, age stuff.

[Maureen Callahan]

So it's Leonardo DiCaprio. Her a lister is Leonardo DiCaprio, and she's too old for him. And she says because of age stuff, like, instead of saying, you know what I'm into, I, I like a guy who's like my age, but like, he never dates women his own age because something clearly got arrested there because he's been in the business since he was a small child and, you know, children really should not be in this business. Okay, Anyway, so here is Alex basically asking the question, what the is up with this relationship? What is up with this deal you've got going on? Here we go.

[Interviewer/Host]

In a relationship, I don't really care if my boyfriend were to hook up. Okay, I read about that. Yeah, we need to talk about that. But that is not a two way street. Like, I'm, I'm not someone who likes to hook up with. I'm in a relationship. I'm not really, like, I don't really care about that. I, you know, but I don't care if someone else were to hold on. In fact, I like, kind of like it.

[Maureen Callahan]

No, she doesn't. We're going to get, you get a little bit further into this relationship. She always says that I like it. She doesn't, she doesn't. She's going to, she's going to tell on herself a little bit. But this is, this is not helpful to young girls and women. It is not this. Again, like Lena, like Lindy west, this is a very damaged person who is trying to protect herself from what she thinks is inevitable. She doesn't think she's worthy of someone really loving her and being in a committed relationship with her. She thinks that it's inevitable that she's not enough and that the guy's going to cheat anyway. So why not try to take some power back and tell him to go do it? Alex asks a more polite version of what I just said, which is, is this just maybe some dark comedian shit? Like, are you just like, really fucked up? Here we go.

[Interviewer/Host]

I want to be clear. It is not pick me. Because this comes off. Pick me of like, I don't care if my boyfriend fucks another girl. I'm cool with it. Cheat on me. Like, I'm, I know how lame it comes across. I sometimes don't like to tell guys about this thing that I have where I'm like, you know, this is separate than the soulmate thing. Like, I don't care if a guy has a sexual connection with a girl. And like, he was to use protection and just have sex with her for a night. Like, I don't, I literally wouldn't care if my husband did that. I don't, I don't. Know why? I don't know why. If he were to, like, watch the Wire with her or, like, do crossword puzzles or, like, text, like, send memes and stuff, I would be like, what the are you doing? Like, that's our thing.

[Maureen Callahan]

Like, he's doing that.

[Interviewer/Host]

Cheating would hurt me, but, like, physical. I'm just like. I kind of. I just feel like I understand how sex is for men. Most of the time, outside of a relationship, it's just kind of transactional, and it's just like, they just want a nut.

[Maureen Callahan]

This is one of Time's most influential people. They just want to nut. Sex is transactional for them. You know, that's really insulting to men, by the way, to say that for men, like, sex is just transactional, and it means nothing. I weep for the culture. I weep. Now, let's look at this winner that Nikki can't believe she snagged and is so desperate to keep that she lets him fuck other women. He is a producer here. He is. He's shorter than she is. He works in tv. He's a producer. That's it. That's it. By the way, think of it this way. Nikki Glaser, after grinding it out for decades, finally got famous from the Tom Brady roast. Her performance on that roast. And we're going to get to it in a minute. But do you remember. And I was. I worked at the New York Post when this thing broke. And there are moments in a. In a newsroom like that where, like, everybody drops what they're doing and, like, it just explodes. It's like Christmas morning and New Year's Eve rolled into one. And it was the moment that we got the photo of Ben Affleck's nanny on Tom Brady's private plane, seated with all of Tom Brady's super bowl rings on her finger. And it was like, shortly after that, Jen Garner finally filed for divorce, but apparently Gisele Bunchen had a fucking fit. Do you think Gisele Bunchen was cool with her super famous, hot husband fucking whoever he wanted? I'm not saying he was having sex with Ben Affleck's nanny. Ben Affleck was doing that, Allegedly. Reportedly, always denied it. But no, Nikki, no, no. Get. Seek help. Just seek help. Stop trying to spread your sickness on the culture and make it seem like it's a. It's a normal, healthy option. Okay? Now here she is telling Howard Stern on May 6, 2024, why she and this guy she is so in love with, she calls him the love of her life, have always break Up. Here we go.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Are you in love with him?

[Interviewer/Host]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been together 10 years off and on.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Why off and on, though? Why? You said that in your special that's going to be on HBO on Saturday night.

[Interviewer/Host]

Yeah, I think the off and on is I'm just. I just committing to anything forever. I think that forever makes me think of no other adventure.

[Maureen Callahan]

He's the one breaking up with her. Trust me.

[Interviewer/Host]

It's just kind of admitting defeat and

[Bill from Brooklyn]

not who usually ends the relationship. Who. How many times have you broken up?

[Maureen Callahan]

Do you break up with him a lot?

[Interviewer/Host]

I think probably five times in 10 years. And our breaks have gone from maybe two days to. And one was three years long. Do you ever see breaking up with me and. Yeah.

[Bill from Brooklyn]

Oh, he has. He's broken up with you?

[Interviewer/Host]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In our beginning of our relationship, I think I wanted a boyfriend so badly. I really misrepresented who I was. Just I thought getting a boyfriend meant just like being agreeable and just doing everything that. Never fighting, never ever saying, hey, I don't like what you just said. Because then he'd be like, well, I'm. That's the way I am. Bye. And I just desperately wanted him. So I never, ever complained about anything.

[Maureen Callahan]

This is very sad. This is a woman with zero self esteem. Zero self esteem. She began that segment by telling Howard Stern that she would always get drunk before having sex because she thought she was so terrible in bed that she had to get out of her mind. And then she said, the guy that she's with who's not fully with her, this guy's not really with her. He's off other women all the time. Nikki Glaser's a working comic. She's probably on the road more often than not. Think he's with her all the time? No, no. Just my supposition. She then says that he was the first guy she began dating after she quit drinking. And so she's got this weird. This is my interpretation. It's almost like she's superstitious about him. Right. Like she doesn't want to have sex with another guy because she's probably afraid they'll tell her she's awful in bed. That's what we're dealing with here. TIME 100 TIME 100 Legacy Media wonders why. Here's Nikki from the Tom Brady roast. Tonight.

[Interviewer/Host]

There's gonna be a lot of jokes about me being like a depraved cum guzzling slut. And I just want to say for the record, I do Have a boyfriend. We've been together for 10 years. He's the love of my life. He's here tonight, and I just. He's sitting right over there. And I want to say publicly, I would shoot you in the face for a lottery ticket to suck this guy's dick.

[Maureen Callahan]

I miss George Carlin. I miss Joan Rivers. That's a punchline. Anyway, she said that her boyfriend gave her the okay for that joke. She said that he said to her, as long as it's funny, say whatever you want, I'm totally cool. That is not what she told Howard Stern. Here we go.

[Interviewer/Host]

Of course the complaints are going to come up. And then I would. I would air those complaints on podcasts. Not because I thought he won't hear them. They would just come out naturally under the guise of, like, it's comedy. And he eventually heard them and go, I don't recognize who this person is. And I was like, what did you hear? I don't even know what I said. And then he said it back to me. I go, I said that he's a liar.

[Maureen Callahan]

Remember?

[Interviewer/Host]

I would. I would just express everything I should have told him in private on a microphone. And he. He had every reason to break up with me because it was jarring to him because I was. I was a lot. I was just lying all the time. And so he really got me to stop lying. I really am.

[Maureen Callahan]

Liars don't do that.

[Interviewer/Host]

Perfect at it. Because I still fear abandonment. So there's some issues in our relationship where I go, you know, I just fear that he's gonna be mad at me. Like, I just don't want anyone to be mad at me ever. And so I'll just give the answer.

[Maureen Callahan]

She lies.

[Interviewer/Host]

That I think he wants.

[Maureen Callahan]

You know, I think there's a lot of really dark stuff going on here. And I think that Nikki is probably also, like, kind of an awful person who says that. Well, she has to lie. She has no choice but to lie, because otherwise, you know, that. That folds into her fear of abandonment. That makes zero sense to me. That does not track, actually, if you're. You lie. You lie enough, people will leave you. Because you know what? Nobody can stand a fucking liar. Guess who Nikki is writing her first screenplay with. I read this in the TIME 100 piece on her. None other than Judd Apatow. Yes. The man who gave the culture such self loathing faux feminists as Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham. He clearly has a type. And that does it. That does it. For our Friday edition of the Nerve come back and see us tomorrow for our Mini the Nervous that drops on YouTube like Oprah. I'm sorry, that is an Oprah esque thing to do, but I can't help it. I'm very excited. That will drop on YouTube tomorrow Saturday at 10am Eastern. If you haven't already, go check out our substack. Subscribe go over to thenerveshow.com subscribe get today's substack in your email inbox this afternoon. Plus nerve merch grab something for yourself Pick something up for a fellow traveler slash troublemaker@shop thenerve.com we've got merch batch two coming imminently and we will see you tomorrow for the Mini and then again next week right here at the Nerve where you will never guess what we're about to say next.

[Interviewer/Host]

You're never just one thing.

[Maureen Callahan]

You're the boss.

[Interviewer/Host]

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[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

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[Interviewer/Host]

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[Maureen Callahan]

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[Interviewer/Host]

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[Maureen Callahan]

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