
Maureen Callahan is joined by Royal insider Kinsey Schofield to break down Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s headline-making Australian tour, dissecting what they say are carefully orchestrated moments meant to position the pair as working Royals, including high-profile visits with children battling cancer, Meghan’s appearance at a women’s shelter, and her aggressive push to be an influencer. They also dive into escalating Royal family tensions, including how the Sussexes may attempt to hijack headlines ahead of King Charles' upcoming U.S. visit. Then Maureen reads Troublemaker feedback, reacting to backlash against Lena Dunham over her shamefully rehoming her dog, The Nerve getting referenced in the comments section of The New York Times, and fan artwork featuring Ryan Reynolds alongside The Nerve's investigative duo “Puss and Pooch.” Finally, Maureen celebrates The Nerve’s first birthday with Producer Marlaina, raising a glass to one year of sharp commentary, viral moments, and gr...
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Maureen Callahan
Marlena. Marlena. MarlENA. Marlena. Marlena. Marlena. Marlena. Marlena, can you hear me? The Nerve turns one today. And that, that is a really cute little package that Emily here at Team Nerve put together last week. And we were like, it's perfect for our first birthday because as I have said before, the name I will be calling on my deathbed to help me out is Marlena. Hello, and welcome to the Nerve at Night. I am your host, Maureen Callahan. Welcome to our first birthday. We have so much good stuff to get into before we celebrate. And entertainment reporter and royals expert extraordinaire, the one and only Kinsey Schofield, will be joining us to discuss everything that we took away from Meghan and Harry's lame, grifter, ish, sad, pathetic trip to Australia. We have heard from several of you Australians who are recovering. She did show up at Ship All Beach. Then we will. We'll talk about a royal who is the real deal in terms of giving it all up for love. And she's currently living in Connecticut. Okay, Troublemaker feedback to follow with troublemaker art. And then we will celebrate our first birthday. We are already one year old. Can you believe it? We can't. We're so grateful to you guys. We're so grateful we didn't make year one without you. So it's your celebration, too, Troublemakers. It's all of us. Are you ready? Are you ready? Let's go. We all want to feel good in our own skin. And that is why Jones Road Beauty's entire line and their new eyeshadow stick should be your next go to. Creamy, high pigmented, designed for real life, no fuss, no brush, and so easy to use and blend, these shadow sticks are going to become a must in your makeup routine. And they pair seamlessly with Jones Rhodes Miracle Balm for an effortless chic and polished look that is always dermatologist tested modern day makeup that's clean, strategic and multifunctional for effortless routines for a limited time, Nerve listeners are getting a free Shimmer face oil on their first purchase when they use Code Nerve at checkout. Just head to Jonesroadbeauty.com and use code Nerve at checkout. After you purchase, they're going to ask where you heard about them. Please support our show. Tell them you're a troublemaker and that the Nerve sent you. Joining us now, the one and only Kinsey Sweet Scofield of the Must subscribe, Kinsey Schofield unfiltered Kinsey. Welcome back to the Nerve.
Kinsey Schofield
I've missed you. I can't wait to see you again later this week. I've missed you so much.
Maureen Callahan
I've missed you too. And I. You know, we were saving you for the end of the Meghan Markle and Harry. What would we call it? You know, the Whinger and the grifter as or the Whinger and the Ginger as the Aussies have named them. The lead story we've got is the New York Post. Meghan Markle charged fans, if you spent this money, you deserve to lose it. I am sorry. $3,000 for the ultimate Megstock Girls weekend and she stayed only two hours. Kinsey.
Kinsey Schofield
I mean, we were promised we were gonna get to do yoga with Meghan Markle. What else were we.
Maureen Callahan
Oh, right, and disco and self actualize and have D and get a group photo. But you could spend a lot more money to get a one on one photo with this trick. I mean, there's no, there's nothing. You know, Bill Simmons of the Ringer was so right when he called those two fucking grifters. They have zero shame.
Kinsey Schofield
Well, I mean, all you have to do is look back at the photos of her kneeling down, talking to cancer children, ripping their masks off of their faces.
Maureen Callahan
Did she really do that?
Kinsey Schofield
Well, if you look at the pictures before Harry and Meghan arrived, these ill children are wearing masks because their immune systems are weak, because they're receiving chemo or radiation or whatever for their cancer. Once Harry and Meghan arrive, they take their masks off and I think that this is alarming for two reasons. One, Harry and Meghan came straight from the airport on a commercial flight from America and landed in Australia. So God knows what germs they've picked up in transit. Harry and Meghan spend so much time preaching to keep your children off the Internet, yet they'll use other people, people's children to, you know, elevate themselves and elevate their brand. And these are poor, sick kids. And within seconds of those pictures circulating or those pictures being uploaded online, you can then access Megan's wardrobe on this new AI app that she's launched, and she gets a. A piece of the commission if she makes a sale. So she's now the cancer children, the Bondi beach victims, the. The women in the homeless shelter. She's using all of them as props to make a sale on a $400 hideous T shirt. Yeah, I mean, what a joke. This entire ultimate objective has always been the influencer space because it requires very little effort. These are two people that refuse to work hard. They have no work ethic whatsoever. But as an influencer, she can post a picture holding a cup that says Dunkin Donuts on it and get, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars potentially. And I think that that's her ultimate objective. And unfortunately, there are people out there willing to allow themselves or their children to be used as props for Meghan Markle to make a buck.
Maureen Callahan
A couple of things. I actually. I actually disagree with you a little bit that I think. I think to be a really successful influencer, if you're doing it right, it actually takes some hard work and a take. And this is. This is yet another, you know, Meghan Markle as she slides down this greasy pole of cultural relevance and great wealth. You know, it's like, what's the least amount I can do for the most amount of money? And fuck the both of them for that sickening display with children who are fighting cancer. You know who I really blame? I blame whatever that hospital is. That hospital should have told those two to fuck right off and totally turned around and said, oh, sorry, our bad. Like, the kids can keep the mask. Masks on so we don't get the heartwarming photos. I would have told them to fuck all the way off. What's wrong with people?
Kinsey Schofield
What's really frustrating about that is that this is a strategic plan by Harry and Meghan's team because the Queen had previously been at this hospital, so they knew that the local news would take the video of the Queen releasing the plaque cut to Harry And Megan walking down the same hallways, that was all about continuing to look royal without having to do any of the. They knew by appearing. Harry did the same thing in Canada when he went to one of the veterans venues that his grandmother had previously been at. He knows that media wise, what they'll do is they'll do the transition from the Queen's previous visit to Harry, and that continues to give him that royal proximity that he desperately needs. While you and I both know that no one in the House of Windsor is accepting his phone calls, that he doesn't have a relationship with his father, he certainly doesn't have a relationship with his brother, and he is not a working royal. But they stage these moments so that they continue to look like working royals so that people that don't know any better better buy into their bs.
Maureen Callahan
You know, I wanted to ask you about the. Is it Bondi beach or Bondi Beach?
Kinsey Schofield
Bondi Beach.
Maureen Callahan
Bondi Beach. I mispronounced it earlier, but the site of that, that massacre. Meghan showed up again. Fifteen minutes after she showed up, there was a push. Go out the affiliate links, go buy what Meghan's wearing, which was basically an exact replica of what the Nazis forced Jewish prisoners in concentration camps to wear. And at first, Kinsey. I do have a charitable side. I do have a side that sometimes gives the benefit of the doubt. And as much as I loathe the fuckwit useless twat that is Meghan Markle, I thought to myself, you know, Maureen, she's not the brightest, she's not the most sophisticated. She's always tripping over her feet to get to the next photo op, the next sale, point of sale. Perhaps she just didn't realize. And then I saw some. Some genius put together all the ways in which Megan has deliberately copied the Duke of. What's her name? God, why am I blanking?
Kinsey Schofield
Wallis Simpson, the Duchess of.
Maureen Callahan
Wallis Simpson, Duchess of the way in which she's constantly. And she did it for the big Oprah interview. She wore a dress that was an exact replica. And as we know, Wallis Simpson and her husband were great Nazi sympathizers. And really, Edward was removed from the throne not so much because of the woman he loved, really, because he loved Adolf Hitler. And this could not stand. And when I, when it was put in that context, I thought to myself, you know what? You know what, Maureen? You should rethink that. Because I think this hateful bitch will do anything, anything for a media hit. Your take, Kinsey.
Kinsey Schofield
Well, I would tell you that Hugo Vickers would would disagree about. Hugo Vickers is always very. He scolds me whenever I bring up the Nazi association. And he says that like they fell into it accidentally. I don't know where.
Maureen Callahan
Sorry, what.
Kinsey Schofield
I think everybody needs to pursue their own opin that.
Maureen Callahan
But when it comes to Agree, when it comes to the Nazis, there is no. Your truth. I'm just gonna say right here, I disagree with Hugo Vickers, as does much scholarship. But anyway, continue, please.
Kinsey Schofield
And Andrew Morton has even claimed that. That Wallace had a sexual relationship with. With, With a Nazi. So, I mean, but when it, when it comes to Meghan Markle, she married a man that was famous for wearing a Nazi costume on Halloween. So.
Marlena
Thank you.
Kinsey Schofield
I mean, that's right. And also, I think it's important to stress that on. On October 7, it was the King and Queen and the Prince and Princess of Wales that released statements saying that they were horrified by the actions. And then during the Bondi beach shooting, the King and Queen immediately releasing a statement. The Prince and Princess of Wales immediately releasing a statement saying that they were horrified and that their sympathy was with the victims. And here we have Harry and Meghan running to Jordan, having their photograph taken with people that have pro Hamas propaganda all over their social media there. I don't. I did not feel an ounce of sincerity when it came to the Bondi beach appearance. And then. Yeah, and then for Megan to have the outfit she was wearing available almost immediately in association with that. It just felt so completely vile and irresponsible and vulgar. But, I mean, that's basically what I would use to describe her perpetually leave these days. I mean, crying about how tough your life is because of the man you chose. One of them. Because this is not your first marriage, not your first rodeo, while your dad is still navigating how to live without a limb. I'm sorry, but who, who do you think we are? We're not idiots.
Maureen Callahan
Again, she would prefer to enter husband. He's equally blame. He's equally to blame here. They would prefer to have sick kids unmask themselves so they can get great photo ops rather than take a. Take what would be a considerably, you know, short flight to visit her father in the Philippines, Right? Who has been begging, you know, and I maintain now he is better off without her. He is better off without her. Fox News reporting. Prince William's, quote, ruthless side emerges as he views Prince Harry as, quote, untrustworthy. Experts claim, quote, the firewall is firmly held against the Duke of Sussex six years after his royal exit. Now our pal Rob Shooter has Exclusive reporting that Harry and Meghan, their stance is now, hey, guess what? The Sandringham Summit, in which Queen Elizabeth said to Harry and Meghan, you're either all the way in or you're all the way out. There's no half in and half out. They regard the Australia trip as a huge success. They regard the Australia trip as proof they can be half in and half out. Their messaging to the palace and the public, guess what? That's what we're doing. And if you don't like it, you could go fuck yourselves. Kinsey, when is the palace going to strip the titles?
Kinsey Schofield
Well, it's my understanding right now that the reason that there was no response to this trip is a. They don't. The palace does not consider the Australian trip the success that Harry and Meghan considers it. But we don't know how much they truly, you know, did collect when it came to all of the appearance fees and Meghan Markle's app launch and all of those things. The palace looked at it as I, I was told it looked messy. And it, they, they were, they did. They don't know what they're doing, but they, they're right. This week they're celebrating Queen Elizabeth's 100th birthday. The king didn't want to distract from that. And next week he's in D.C. where he's playing mediator between Keir Starmer, who I cannot believe still has a job. Right. President Trump. And so if they were to acknowledge Harry and Megan or the Australia trip, there's two concerns coming from the Palace. A, it would give it credibility. The ignoring them and pretending that they don't exist so far has, has weakened Harry and Meghan's credibility. B, they know that if the King says or talks to Harry, even if he called him to scold him, that would hijack the headlines from the Queen's birthday leading into D.C. also, I think the King is incredibly weak. I think we're not going to see anything truly happen until we're in a Prince William or King William reign. But those are the excuses I'm receiving. The King has a very important job that he's been assigned by the UK Government next week to try to heal the special relationship between the United States and the UK because Keir Starmer rejected Trump and really pissed him off. And Trump has a hard on for King Charles and King Charles is going to come in and save the day. And then also they just don't want to distract from what's going on with the Queen's birthday. But, yeah, I mean, what I'm being told is that Britain is next on the Harry and Meghan World, you know, worldwide privacy tour and that Australia was attacked. Best to show everyone that everyone likes Megan. Megan's fine. You know, according to Dr. Sophie, Shandaka's got the. The proof that that's actually not true and that she weak weakens the brand and that people can't freaking stand Meghan Markle. But Australia was to prove the point that people do like Megan and that Britain is next. And we'll have to wait and see if that actually comes to fruition. Britain is not going to accept Meghan Markle. They are going to reject her fiercely. You are going to see people show up to throw tomatoes or to boo and people in Australia just didn't care that much. So you didn't see the hate, you
Maureen Callahan
know, what you said about what the messaging from the palace as to why they're not bothering to address this. That's not what Americans are asking here. We're not asking the palace to address it. We don't want them to address it. We want them to strip the titles of these two toddlers who are there. They are causing real damage. Do you know how? Just simply by doing stuff like this and looking at an ineffectual monarch who won't do the necessary thing. Meghan and Harry are goading them. They're really forcing their hand and it makes. You know what, I'm sorry, You know, we are apolitical here at the Nerve, but I can tell you no one in America is worked up about the relationship between Trump and Keir Starmer. Nobody gives a flying fuck. It's not a topic of conversation. So this idea that King Charles is going to come in and broker like, you know, the Abraham, it's not going to happen. Nobody cares. It's all empty, empty, empty stuff. And I just think it cannot come soon enough, you know, I do. Like, maybe William wants this. Maybe William wants the responsibility. Maybe he's the one who wants to do it. But I think Charles is weak to the point of. It is so damaging. It took them forever to address the Andrew problem. And Megan's out here walking around in Nazi cosplay. I'm sorry. Whether intentional or not, it's, it's, it's so damaging. And what they're pulling with children who have cancer, I mean, my God, they're a complete embarrassment. I mean, you imagine embarrassment.
Kinsey Schofield
Can you imagine Catherine posing for a photo and then, you know, officially, you, you being able to buy Catherine's outfit While she's standing next to a sick kid. It's like, unbelievable. It's so shameless. And I'm surprised that. I'm surprised that they are capable of going so low.
Maureen Callahan
I think they're a very well matched couple and I think that one of the things that they share is a real thirst. They love sadism, they love cruelty. You know, Katherine would never. Not least because she has lived through cancer, she knows what that is like. And to use it as a way to create a halo effect for yourself is thoroughly disgusting. And, you know, they may think they're winning at this short game. I promise them the long game is going to be very, very painful. We end their Australia tour, their tour of our beloved Australia with an empty walkabout. A walkabout. Is it a walk if a tree falls? Kins. Right. Is it a walkabout if no one shows up? If there are no hands to shake, no flowers to receive? Tell us, tell us what you've heard about the response within, you know, House Sussex, to their. Their. Their last day of glory in Australia.
Kinsey Schofield
Well, what I will tell you is their own. Their. Their sole remaining communications PR person, he released to some media, and it was actually inevitably leaked to everyone that Harry and Megan officially would not be doing walkabouts because it was a security concern. But my sources said that's not the case. They know no one's going to show up, so they're saying no walkabouts. So that when no one shows up, they can go, well, we said no walkabouts. I mean, they.
Maureen Callahan
Then what are you doing there? Why are you on a public tour of a nation that's not yours if you're not going to meet people?
Kinsey Schofield
Right?
Maureen Callahan
What are you doing there?
Kinsey Schofield
Paranoid to such an extent that they're. That they were preparing for the rejection, which inevitably we see on the last day. If you look at the comparisons in Sydney between William and Catherine's visit, Diana and Charles visit Diana, or Charles and Camilla, it's pathetic, the comparisons. It's just like there's no one there for Harry and Meghan. Okay, maybe a handful of people. Masochists, I guess we would describe them as. But it's unbelievable. These. There's a really great shot, and I wish I would have sent it to you before, but there's a woman on Bondi beach journaling, and she's laying on her belly. And here comes Harry and Meghan in their entourage, their ungodly entourage. And I think in. If this were in 2018, somebody would have come and swept her away. Or even maybe she would have been like, oh, my God, it's them. I'm going to move. This girl looks up, sees it's them, and just goes back to journaling. And this entourage basically walks over her. Harry points at her and kind of laughs. They do have to park the seats to get around her, but it just shows how completely irrelevant they are that she's like, I don't give up. And they continue on their path. I think Australia, you've always said, like, there's love, there's hate, and then there's that in between. That's incredibly uncomfortable. And that's where Harry and Meghan certainly were in Australia. And unfortunately, I think that that's. We're all kind of just like over that.
Maureen Callahan
Them. Yes. I always say, you know, the. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. You know, that local heroine on that beach who looked up, took one look and said, oh, these two. These two are over here. Please, I would like to get back to my day. Move it along. You know, if that doesn't say it all, that is what we in America are saying to Harry and Meghan. Please, would you just move it along? Kinsey, my last question for you is, what do you hear or theorize that these two are going to try to pull to steal thunder from Charles and Camilla as they visit the United states on the 250th anniversary of our birth?
Kinsey Schofield
Well, you know, I was surprised to hear this week that Megan has launched a new candle. At least one, maybe there's two, I can't remember, but a new candle with Prince Archie's title inspired by Archie, their child, which now you are. Are completely monetizing the children, and you're monetizing their titles, which, you know, the queen was already rolling over in her grave when she saw the pictures of the kids at the hospital. And, and, and this is. Is a whole other level monetizing. By the way, the same titles that she lied to Oprah Winfrey and said were being held hostage because of Archie's skin color, which is factually incorrect. They weren't to receive those titles until the queen passed away. And the king, what became the king formally. And so what do I think they'll do next? Maybe we'll get a deeper tease of the kids faces. Maybe the kids faces show up on the COVID of People magazine. I think she remember when Hilaria Baldwin spoke recently about. What was it, $50,000 she got for showing one of her children off to People magazine. I think that Megan would Do that would take a check to expose the children's faces for the first time. Maybe that's it, maybe it's too soon. But I certainly don't think they're going to sit back and do nothing. That's, that's very unlike them. They always, maybe she'll release another bookmark and call it an event. I don't know.
Maureen Callahan
These two are prostituting themselves. They are prostituting the royal family. I'm, I, I am serious. I was thinking about this the other day. The British Royal family was once upon a time a blue chip brand. It is rapidly losing its luster. Andrew is an existential threat to them and so are Harry and Meghan. It's, you know, we all kind of laugh and roll our eyes but like what they just pulled in Australia is beyond disgusting. And we in America are, we are, we are eagerly awaiting the realm of a King William. I speak, I can only speak for myself and people I know. But that is really true.
Kinsey Schofield
I mean I, I, I can't help but agree with you. I mean I, I think King Charles is not nasty enough with them. And I used to think it like what do, what do they have left? I don't think they have anything left. I think that he just does not ever like being the bad guy.
Maureen Callahan
He, it's not being the bad guy. But though I disagree that and I think if that's really the lens through which he views it, it's an incorrect lens. Actions and have consequences and they are, they are basically gagging for it at this point. They want, you know, if this is the real thought, they want it so badly we won't give it to them because that further allows them to play the victim. Like, you know, but they could try that all they want. It won't work. Nobody's going to believe it's racially motivated. Nobody's going to believe it's motivated by anything other than us being fed the up.
Kinsey Schofield
Right. And, and they have have reached all of their resources in my opinion, when it comes to what they can share with the British Royal family. I mean, I know Harry told the Telegraph who he's clearly still very friendly with because they are the ones that did the story over the weekend about how this was a successful trip and it shows that they are officially half in, half out. Again, that's not true. It's my understanding that that like Prince William was appalled by what he witnessed in, in Australia. But Megan's journal says what we've seen, what she's capable of delivering, there are little to no details. It's the same stories over and over again. What possibly could the diary say that she found in Frogmore Cottage? All she ever talks about is Rodney King, the damn soap story. I think she is very limited. I think that they've run out of royal stories. And now this is how they're going to have that royal proximity. Just fake it till you make it, I guess.
Maureen Callahan
Good luck. Good luck to them. Kinsey, thank you for joining us for a roundup and a walloping that only you could deliver to the Nerve. Thank you. And we will see you very soon.
Kinsey Schofield
Thank you.
Maureen Callahan
And just to further make our point at the Nerve about royals who renounce their titles and their lives to live a life of privacy and anonymity. Listen, Megan, this is how it's done. This is a real one. Japan's Princess Mako, who gave up royal life to marry a commoner, was spotted with her little quote, heir. She and her husband lived in New York City for a time. Now they live in Connecticut, in a suburb of Connecticut. Now, they were photographed over the weekend. We can't show these particular photos. I'm going to guess they were tipped off. I do wonder about the power plays involved in whether Buckingham palace reached out to the Imperial palace of Japan and arranged for this as a way to give a shiv and a dagger to Harry and Meghan. Because we. We never see this woman. She was the first child of Japan's crown prince, the niece of Emperor Naruhito. She shocked her country when she said, I'm giving up everything for love. And maybe it was also just a life she didn't want. She was spotted this weekend with a Target shopping bag along with her husband, who I think works in finance and their infant. And they were just strolling around their Connecticut town, going to the local cheese shop, going to the bakery. They live in Fairfield County. Their house is worth $680,000, not 14 million. They reportedly live finance. The more I read about this, the more I'm like, prince William's office definitely made a call. There's no way. There's no way they live financially independent from the royal family. You know what I'm saying? These two walk the walk. These other two hucksters out in Montecito, they're so full of shit. God can't stand it. Anyway, that's it. That's it for our. Our Harkle roundup. We will be back in a moment. We've got your feedback and a very special nerve celebration. Marlena says she's got a lot of surprises in store for us. We are back in a minute. Hang tight those of you who call yourselves the Mo Bros, you super straight heterosexual men who love lots of hot heterosexual sex. This one. This one is for the female troublemakers. Ladies, ladies, are you having trouble sleeping through the night, thinking clearly and just feeling like yourself? Biologica has the answer. They make a drinkable daily supplement that goes beyond a multivitamin. It combines vitamins, minerals and probiotics, electrolytes and clinically researched botanicals in one easy drink. So you are not juggling pills every morning. It is an effervescent powder you mix with water. It tastes great, it's easy to remember daily. It's also made with clean ingredients, no added sugar, and it is developed alongside women's health experts. What sets Biologica apart is that it's designed for different hormonal life stages. Primary Essentials supports women in their reproductive years. Midlife Essentials supports women navigating perimenopause and post menopause Essentials supports women in post menopause. So you can choose what's right for your body right now. Now head to biologica.com nerve and get started. Take their quick Hormonal Life Stage quiz and find out the formula that's right for you right now. Subscribers can receive up to 32% off their purchases. Again, make sure to go to biologica.com nerve and get up to 32% off your first subscription order today.
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Maureen Callahan
We are back. Now before we get to the Nerve first birthday party and you know my T shirt is in honor of what is becoming our life's work here at the Nerve locating Stedman Graham. Whether he is still with us or we are just really going for the remains. Last we heard, his Valentine's Day gift from the Nerve which we mailed to the last place he was seen reliably. A lot has yet to be picked up and it's been months. Marlene is going to join to discuss but first we have a few a few troublemaker emails and artworks to get to Number one, Paul from New Zealand and Pam, I got your email and I'm thinking about how we're going to address it. It was a great email. Paul from New Zealand, his artwork for the nerves first birthday. Paul and Pam, we could not love you more here at the Nerve. Now we heard from a first time writer who goes by Water girl who began watching the Nerve on New Year's Eve. We can think of no other healthy way to ring in a new year. She wants to comment on that. Insufferable. Her words, not mine. But I completely agree on insufferable obese Lena Dunham and her former dog who she quote rehomed due to the dog's supposed behavioral issues. Lena said the dog became incorrigible and what could she do? I know this to be true because the New York Post did a very deep reporting job on it and they were not sued, they were not asked to retract and apologize. So you know it's true. Lena heavily medicated the dog dog reportedly. And when she rehomed Lammy, that's what she named him. She's an after four years to the dog's new home, the Zen dog. She claimed Lammy had serious behavioral issues. The original rescue agency, Bark, which is a Brooklyn based I believe agency, but I know people who have adopted from Bark and I donate to bark. They are are extremely responsible when it comes to adopting out animals. Okay. BARK refuted Lena's claims of the dog's past abuse as a puppy before Lena ever got to adopt Lambie from Bark. In my humble opinion, this troublemaker writes, although it is horrific to surrender any animal who becomes a member of your family, Lambie is in a much better situation now now without Lena. I agree. You know, sometimes it's like cps. As bad as CPS can be and as bad as foster homes can be or the shelter system, sometimes the home of origin is even worse. Lambie was adopted by. Oh, I didn't know this, by a guy from the Zen dog. And he said that Lambie was a hot mess when he arrived at the Zen dog. I wonder how Lamb became such a hot mess. Perhaps living 247 with Lena had something to do with it. Agreed. We are hearing again from troublemaker Nadia of the ongoing Chronicles of Puss and Pooch. Puss is her feline Daisy J. And Pooch, of course, is none other than the heroic Teddy Van Halen who is special forces but never brags about it as real warriors do not. Troublemaker pictures. Since psycho arsonist Ryan Reynolds is no longer A viable option as a leading man, I believe it was Paramount who has dropped his three picture deal. We'd like to think the nerve had a little something to do with that. As has Blake's lawsuit, which he refuses to drop. So we're, we're, we're popping the popcorn, know what I'm saying? Has willfully destroyed his career in Hollywood, he must now resort to being a spokesperson. I've heard from so many of you Canadians for a new maple glazed donut at Tim Hortons. This isn't Ben Affleck for Dunkin Donuts, okay? This is a career on the decline. Couldn't happen to a better psycho arsonist. And you know, between him and Jon Ham, it's neck and neck Jon Hamm nerves. Inaugural episode. If you don't know, that's your homework. Nadia says. Troublemaker Pictures has produced a brand new exciting blockbuster, action moving, starring the canine Casanova, Teddy Van Halen and his trusted co star, the feline phenomenon Daisy J. As two ninjas, covert agents determined to take down the woeful Canadian and his little donut too. As Ryan. We're showing the art. As Ryan is lured by the flame of Daisy's lighter and is drawn to his incendiary past. Teddy is ready with his paralyzing blow dart. As the two formidable spies fight to save the world from this insufferable moron. One quote has appeared by one mysterious Stedman Graham. This movie really lit me up. Okay, this is our final one. And you guys, I. I died when I saw it. Like, I can't believe it's real, but it's real. So as you know, we at the Nerf have been agitating the New York Times. Baby steps. But hey, you want to publish controversial, controversial pieces about controversial figures in the culture, leave the comments on. Okay. Be interesting. Dare to be interesting. Dare to be a compelling read. New York Times. Well, it seems they've heard our plaintiff wailings over here in Midtown west in New York City because they've begun doing so. They've begun doing so. And they left the comments on. On Lena Dunham's interview, which we took to the woodshed as soon as we got back from spring break. Now this troublemaker writes, I left this comment under the pseudonym Jordan on the latest article the New York Times dropped about Lena. I assumed it would get little attention. Imagine my satisfaction when I returned so many hours later to find that so many had recommended this shout out to the nerve. Here is the comment. We're showing it on screen by Jordan, the pseudonym Jordan. This kind of obnoxious elitist fawning over quote unquote important people that no one cares about is exactly why we need shows like the Nerve now more than ever. Thank you Dee for unmasking yourself over here where it's safe. Troublemaker central. Recommended by the time she came back by 78 people. Keep your feedback coming troublemakers, and let's keep moving the culture over here. Email me@maureenevilmakehremedia.com or DM me on Instagram at Maureen callahanriter or Henerve Show. Remember to subscribe to our weekly email otherwise known as the Nerve substack. Just go over to thenerveshow.com our website. You will see a prompt. Would you like to subscribe? Please do and join the party. Drops in your inbox every Friday after the Full Nerve Nerve the last full nerve of the week. Coming up, the Nerve Turns one. We are officially one year old today. We will see you in a minute. We have talked about Oneskin's phenomenal products before, but now their same longevity science has been turned to Target hair loss with their amazing OS1 hair scalp serum. Founded by a team of scientists, One Skin's scalp serum is powered by their patented OS1 peptide. This works by targeting the cells in your hair follicles that contribute to shedding, thinning and slower hair growth. OS1 hair can reactivate that growth cycle and promote thicker, fuller and denser hair. It's drug free, delivering effective results without harsh side effects effects. Clinical Studies show that six months in people saw a 43% increase in hair thickness and a 40% increase in hair density and an overall reduction in hair shedding plus increased hair volume and fullness. Born from over 10 years of longevity research, One Skin's OSO1 peptide is proven to target the cells that cause the visible signs of aging. So your scalp and your hair hair stays healthy now and as you age. For a limited time, try one skin with 15 off using code nerve at OneSkin Co nerve. That's 15 off OneSkin Co with Code Nerve. After you purchase, they're going to ask where you heard about them. Please support our show. Tell them you're a troublemaker and that the Nerve sent you troublemakers. It was one year ago today and it's true what they say. Time really does fly and they grow up so fast. The Nerve was born one year ago today and we took one Jon Hamm out to the woodshed. If you haven't seen it, I am palpably nervous. You can tell, but you all helped me Immediately get a little bit more confidence. And now here we are. The Nerve. This demon spawn that we all love so much has turned one. And guess who is here to help us celebrate? And she. She will not tell me everything she's doing. She wanted it to be a complete surprise. It's none other than the other half of my brain. One producer, Marlena. In she comes. Welcome, Marlena. Oh, my God.
Marlena
Marlena.
Maureen Callahan
Marlena. Okay, I'm gonna scooch over. Can you get it? Can you get it?
Marlena
Look, I'm balancing.
Maureen Callahan
There's, like, a leg on this table that. Oh, my God. Okay, first of all, Marlena, wherever did you get the idea for this ensemble? I don't know.
Marlena
I think someone named Maureen might have said it.
Maureen Callahan
Oh, my God. It's. It's the nerve. It's the Nerve. Okay, It's. There I am. There's two of me. There's. There's me and the Sex and the City drag. It's all me. Oh, my God.
Marlena
This is how you started. This is Halloween. Of course, I had to add that. This is when we added the Nerve at night, even though these two were kind of neck and neck. And then this.
Maureen Callahan
Yeah.
Marlena
The veil over your face, that was a.
Maureen Callahan
Should we talk about the veil over the face? So when it was announced late on a Friday in the summer of the year of our Lord 2025, that. And just, like, that would not be returning now or ever. Marlena and I got on the phone immediately, and we were like, how do we do this? Like, what do we do? And we said, well, we have to throw a funeral. We have to throw a funeral. She said, do you have anything that's funeral? Like. And I said, I really need a veil. Like, I need, like, a Jackie Kennedy veil. And I didn't have one. And Amazon was really slow because it was the summer. And I was out on the east end of Long island where everything just, like, clogged up. And so I had to go. And that is a very expensive bra that can double as evening wear if you want it to. And that's how it made its debut on the Nerve. I was like, I can wrap this baby around my face, and it'll double as morning wear. Morning attire. Victorian, slightly vibe.
Marlena
I'm sure that was bra. I could have swore it was your underwear over your head. Head.
Maureen Callahan
No, it was. It's literally like, this lace. Like, it's like one of those things you go and you buy in Soho and, like, you pay like. Like, it's the cost of your electric bill. But you're like, this thing is really cool. It's. It's like. It's. It. You can wear it, like, under. If you wanted to do kind of a. Like a 30 screen siren, like, you would wear it under, like, a black blazer or something like that, you know? Anyway, that's the origin story of that. Now, Marlena.
Kinsey Schofield
Yes?
Maureen Callahan
Talk to us a little bit about the pearls, the missing T shirt. Oh, you cut it. Okay. I do. I cut everything she's got. Marlena wants to do a makeover on the Nerve, which we're going to do. We're talking about how we're gonna get it done. But I was talking to one of the lovely women who does my hair from time to time, and she was like, you know, Marlena has a real rock chick in her. And I was like, exactly. And that you showed up with your T shirt cut like that just ratifies the direction I think we're gonna go.
Marlena
I know we're gonna talk about this another time, but I think. Think when this makeover finally commences, I want to ask you how you see me dressing. Not the rocker thing that you just said, but, like, if. If you had to say, like, what. What would Marlena wear? Not what you want to see me wear.
Maureen Callahan
Understood. Completely. No, I get it. It's really. It's all about you. It's all about you. I can't wait to do this. I think it's going to be so much fun. Now, before we light our first, we have to have. Okay, May I pour for you? Please?
Marlena
Oh, please.
Maureen Callahan
From our nerd click. Oh. Which is another one of Marlena's indelible puns. She cannot stop herself. Our champagne toast. And before we light our nerve cake, which is so adorable. I can't even with how cute this thing is. I'm dying. I'm dying. Who among our repeat offenders is number one for you right now?
Marlena
Number one in that I actually secretly like them, or number one in that, like, wood shedding?
Maureen Callahan
Wood shedding. Wood chipper, stump grinder, burn pile number one?
Marlena
Well, the one that we. I'm dying to revisit, but we. She hasn't resurfaced. Is Tracee Ellis Ross.
Kinsey Schofield
She knows.
Maureen Callahan
She was bragging she got season two,
Marlena
and we haven't seen it.
Maureen Callahan
Do you think the nervy traveler had anything to do with that? Because Belinda and I both left our respective rooms and actually went out and saw stuff in Mexico City. Whereas Tracee Ellis Ross showed those of us at home viewing her travels to exotic lands. The hotel landscaping and the pool. Right.
Marlena
So basically, Roku was like, wait a second. We just paid all of this money for you to travel to all these places and basically sit in your hotel room? And Maureen Callahan and Belinda Carlisle actually left their hotel room. So.
Maureen Callahan
So maybe.
Marlena
Maybe they reversed course.
Maureen Callahan
They reversed course. Perhaps. I want to talk about. So we have a troublemaker who goes by Pilot Gal. And Pilot Gal came to our attention when she did a tarot poll asking if Stedman Graham is still with us. And the answer wasn't good. It was not good. And Pilot Gal did a tarot pull for the Nerve's first birthday, which I believe you have. Can I see it? Oh, those are.
Marlena
Here we go.
Maureen Callahan
Okay. I have to put on my look optics. We don't get paid by look optic.
Marlena
We don't. But you inspired me, Maureen.
Maureen Callahan
She did go buy the same.
Marlena
Almost the same.
Maureen Callahan
Which. They look amazing. They look. Oh, I need page three of this. Of the Overread. I think. Yes. This is it. Okay, so the card pulled here is the devil. Now with the tarot, it's never literal. The devil can have many interpretations. So when it comes to Oprah and Gail, they're the devils. I mean, we're devils as well, but we're, like, on the side of. We're avenging devils, I suppose. Okay, so Pilot Gal noted that she did a poll asking what's up for the Nerve in year two. She says her throat chakra got blocked mid reading, which, I mean, Mark Bowden would have a field day. Right. Like, it wasn't coming out, like, of her. Like Oprah. The Oprah's energy is. It's like a mushroom cloud. Okay. So the cards warn us. Pilot Gal says, and thank you for doing this reading. We really appreciate it. Okay. Did I share this with you before?
Marlena
Well, I do. I do get our substack. And yes, we spoke.
Maureen Callahan
Oh, that's right. You do get. You do that. You work on the show. You get. You run the show. Of course you get the substack. Okay. Oprah is. This is the reading. I'm not making this up. Oprah is obsessed with the Nerve. She is emotionally wrecked. A puddle on the floor, per the Ace of Cups. Excuse me, Pilot Gal. That's Meghan Markle's default position. We're always on the floor waiting for Harry to come home so we can, you know, overwhelm him with our tears. Okay, Oprah, Pilot Gal goes on, has teamed up with two other parties to try to cause chaos for the Nerve. One of them scale. We know that. Okay. She's also apparently considering drastic action. The cars suggest that Oprah might threaten a lawsuit against the Nerve.
Marlena
Bring it.
Maureen Callahan
It's so exciting. We could get sued by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey knows who we are, Marlena. Did you ever see this one coming? I didn't. Okay. But. But pilot gal says that the cards say that Oprah will reconsider once she realizes that a lawsuit means discovery. Emails, texts, receipts, timeline. In the words of a housewife of Salt Lake City, credit card receipts for a tombstone. Teddy will find our remains. Trust me. Okay? The sight of Stedman's remains, suddenly the energy. So the energy will shift in Oprah's thoughts about suing us from we ride at dawn to we absolutely will not. If Blake Lively has done anything, she saved us. So who knows? The bottom line, the Nerve is in a strong position with powerful protector energy in our corner. That protection extends against Oprah and Gayle and psycho arsonist Ryan and any other repeat offender who might be getting ideas. Shall we light our cake?
Marlena
Not yet, no.
Maureen Callahan
Why?
Marlena
Because I have something for you.
Maureen Callahan
As usual, or. You are a giver. Cheers, Marlena. Cheers. Not yet.
Marlena
We can do, like, a pre cheers, and then we can cheers after Cheers
Maureen Callahan
to all the troublemakers as well. Yes. Because I was actually.
Marlena
I'm, like, really thirsty.
Maureen Callahan
That's actually really good.
Marlena
It's been, like, simmering. We started that. We did those for the Emmys.
Maureen Callahan
Those were our. That was our first live stream. The Emmys.
Marlena
I know. It feels like. Like a long time ago.
Maureen Callahan
We're gearing up for our next one, which is in a couple of weeks. We can't wait to tell you guys all about it. Okay, I won't. I won't. Is something going to come up on the prompter?
Marlena
No, I purposely didn't put it in prompter so you couldn't get ahead of it.
Maureen Callahan
I don't know if I like this, Marlena.
Marlena
I think you're going to love it, actually.
Maureen Callahan
All right.
Marlena
I hope so.
Maureen Callahan
That's. If not if you say so, I'll just. You'll just take your leave.
Marlena
I'll just get on the train and
Maureen Callahan
go straight to the woods.
Marlena
Okay. Today, the Nerve is officially won. And if I say so myself, it has been a pun of fun.
Maureen Callahan
My God. Line two. She can't help herself. See what I deal with every day? Every day. Go on.
Marlena
You're a masochist. Out of the gate, we had momentum and verve. By week three, we already had a mini nerve. Now, now, that was just supposed to be some bonus Content that wasn't shown. But the following week, it took on a life of its own. We have a woodshed, a wood chipper, and a cultural court. And let's not forget our Dwarf Mind special report. We have a full investigative team. Why? Because we can. Plus, no one else is looking for Stedman. Graham can.
Maureen Callahan
Graham, it's okay. It's a cheat. It happens all the time. Go on.
Marlena
Since then, we have continued to grow and grow. And with a blink of an eye, we added another shelf. And then, without skipping a beat, along came the substack as the Nerve's next feat. By Christmas, the nervy Traveler was a go. So much progress. Still, you won't give Bill Maher a furlough.
Maureen Callahan
Bill, if you haven't gotten the message, Marlena just wants just one date. Just give her one date. Go on.
Marlena
We'll talk about that. Live streams, Nerve awards, book club, and more. And, of course, there is our rapport.
Maureen Callahan
Best of all, can't put a price tag on that.
Marlena
Not done. Okay. When the Nerve was about to launch and you asked me to join, it became clear that you and I were two sides of the same coin. You've called us twin souls, and I think that's apropos, because physically, as twins, you're more Arnold and I'm Danny DeVito. In some ways. In some ways, we are the same. In others, we are not. I am a staunch fundamentalist. And you an astronaut.
Maureen Callahan
Allegedly.
Marlena
Reportedly.
Maureen Callahan
I don't like to brag.
Marlena
I like to charcoal my skin. You prefer yours like white rice. And just like Rob Shooter, you and I are both a blend of naughty and nice. Most of our quick calls keep going and going, and neither of us would ever be caught dead saying, anchor in your knowing.
Maureen Callahan
That's brilliant.
Marlena
You wear lots of color and I only wear black. But we both know that Mel Robbins is a total hack. I actually thought I was a wordsmith, but to you, I hail. Oh, you're laughing way too hard.
Maureen Callahan
I'm loving this. This is so. I'm so touched.
Marlena
But no matter what, we'll always have Oprah and Gail. Okay, Maureen, that is all for right now, but it's certainly not it. So cheers to another year for putting out some top level shit.
Maureen Callahan
Top level shit. That's how it's done, Timmy C. That's how it's done. We've got to light our cake. You are such a poet. And the Nerve would be lost without Marlene. I am so happy that you've joined us, that you've, like, you know, come out from outside in the production area to the inside, all the troublemakers get to see your beautiful face and everything that you do for the Nerve. And she's so right. Like, often one of us will text the other like, hey, you got time for a quick call? And then it's like two hours later.
Marlena
Exactly. It's like, oh, I was supposed to be at the doctor's appointment. Maureen, that's okay.
Maureen Callahan
Okay. It's okay. Like, you know, here we. Oh, right in the center of the nerve. Do you have a lighter? You normally carry a black lighter.
Marlena
You stole my black lighter.
Maureen Callahan
But I gave it back to you. You did. You did.
Marlena
And then I was supposed.
Maureen Callahan
Here comes Tim. Full service. Tim. He said, I got a lighter. Yes, you do, sir.
Marlena
So many Tim's.
Maureen Callahan
Oh, there we go. Okay, we should make a wish. Do. Do we? I know we're not supposed to say it, but. All right. We will make our. Our individual wish. And troublemakers out there everywhere, make a wish with us, please, for year two of the Nerve. One, two, three. That does it. That does it. For this edition of the Nerve at night. We will be back on Friday with a full nerve. If you haven't already, check out our substack at the nerve channel, nerve show.com. be sure to subscribe. Plus nerve merch. Grab something for yourself or pick something up for a fellow troublemaker@shopthenerve.com. we will see you back here on Friday for a full episode of the Nerve, where you never guess what we're
Marlena
about to say next.
Maureen Callahan
We are so becoming over. And Gail, look at this. We're this close to the the Maureen and Marlena Chronicles and the at the
Marlena
been 90 seconds street wide.
Date: April 22, 2026
Host: Maureen Callahan
Guests: Kinsey Schofield (entertainment reporter and royals expert), Marlena (producer)
In this episode, Maureen Callahan marks The Nerve’s one-year anniversary with her brand of sharp commentary, humor, and skepticism. The show dives deep into Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s controversial tour of Australia, examines the use (and abuse) of royal titles, discusses Lena Dunham’s ongoing reputation crisis, and celebrates the milestone with a lighthearted and affectionate segment featuring Maureen and producer Marlena.
Main Themes: Accusations of grifting, brand-building at the expense of vulnerable groups, and the couple’s fraught relationship with the British monarchy.
Kinsey recounts:
“She's using all of them as props to make a sale on a $400 hideous T-shirt. What a joke.” – Kinsey ([06:52])
Maureen: Outraged at the hospital, not just Meghan and Harry.
“That hospital should have told those two to fuck right off... What's wrong with people?” – Maureen ([07:43])
Controversy:
Kinsey: Points to hypocrisy around statements on tragedies (Israel, Bondi), and monetization of children’s titles.
“It just felt so completely vile and irresponsible and vulgar.” ([12:13])
Maureen: Americans want Harry and Meghan stripped of their titles; the palace’s “freeze-out” is ineffective and damaging.
“We want them to strip the titles of these two toddlers who are…causing real damage.” ([17:51])
Kinsey: Palace ignores them to avoid legitimacy and distraction from royal milestones; expects Prince William, not Charles, to act. ([15:00]-[17:51])
PR spin:
Symbolic moment: A local woman literally ignores Meghan and Harry, continuing her journaling on the beach ([21:34]).
“The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference…That is what we in America are saying to Harry and Meghan. Please, move it along.” – Maureen ([23:04])
Kinsey: Predicts further monetizing of children/titles (candles, merchandise) and possible new PR stunts to coincide with Charles and Camilla’s U.S. visit. ([23:48])
Maureen: Blisters the Sussexes for “prostituting the royal family.”
“What they just pulled in Australia is beyond disgusting. …The British Royal Family was once a blue-chip brand; it’s rapidly losing its luster.” ([25:12])
“These two walk the walk. These other two hucksters out in Montecito, they're so full of shit. God, can’t stand it.” ([28:07])
“It is horrific to surrender any animal who becomes a member of your family, but Lambie is in a much better situation now.” – Listener ([32:43])
“You’ve called us twin souls, and I think that’s apropos, because physically, as twins, you’re more Arnold and I’m Danny DeVito...when the Nerve was about to launch and you asked me to join, it became clear that you and I were two sides of the same coin.” – Marlena ([54:37]-[55:19])
| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:30 | The “Megstock” fiasco and $3,000 fan event | | 05:39 | Hospital visit, alleged exploitation of sick children | | 08:32 | Manufactured royal proximity strategy | | 09:46 | Bondi Beach controversy and Nazi symbolism accusations | | 15:00 | Palace non-response, title stripping debate | | 20:56 | PR about ‘walkabouts’, evidence of waning public support | | 23:48 | Predictions for future Sussex moves | | 28:07 | Japanese Princess Mako segment – “how to do a real exit” | | 32:43 | Lena Dunham backlash – audience feedback & NYT comment shout out | | 43:10 | Nerve anniversary celebration begins, behind-the-scenes stories | | 49:36 | Tarot reading: Oprah, Gayle, and The Nerve’s year ahead | | 53:05 | Marlena’s tribute, in-jokes, birthday toast and cake |
The episode is confrontational yet humorous, mixing exasperation with scandalous celebrity antics, breezy insider banter, and genuine gratitude to the Nerve’s audience (“troublemakers”). Insider references, tongue-in-cheek name-calling, and improvised riffs give the show a “tell it like it is” irreverence.
This special episode of The Nerve delivers pointed commentary on the latest royal and celebrity controversies while celebrating the power of community and independent media. The dynamic between Maureen and Marlena—complete with poetry, personalized jabs, and mutual appreciation—caps off a year of irreverence, skepticism, and “top-level shit.”
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