Meghan Markle’s Attention-Seeking Antics, Tiger Woods Shock DUI Footage, and Hoda Kotb's Fake Grief

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Nerve with Maureen Callahan

Episode: Meghan Markle’s Attention-Seeking Antics, Tiger Woods Shock DUI Footage, and Hoda Kotb's Fake Grief
Host: Maureen Callahan
Guest: Mark Bowden, Body Language Expert
Date: April 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this fiery episode of The Nerve, Maureen Callahan is joined by noted body language expert Mark Bowden to dissect three headline-making cultural figures: Meghan Markle, Tiger Woods, and Today Show's Hoda Kotb. The pair use vivid pop culture examples and expert behavioral analysis to pick apart attention-seeking antics, questionable displays of sincerity, and media hypocrisy. Later, Maureen takes listeners through listener feedback from her "Troublemakers" and caps off the episode with a takedown of The View’s inane takes on Tiger Woods.

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Meghan Markle’s Red Carpet Displays (“Trophy Behavior”)

[04:00–11:04]

Main Discussion Points

• Markle’s behavior at the Alliance for Children’s Rights gala:

  • Meghan is seen "rubbing, rubbing, rubbing" her visibly pregnant friend’s belly on the red carpet, which Maureen critiques as performative and self-centered.
  • Mark Bowden introduces the concept of “trophy behavior,” explaining it as a public claim of “ownership” or desirability, “Look what I’ve got. It’s mine.”
    • Quote (Bowden, 04:35): “When we go out and we touch stuff, it's one of those signals of this is desirable and/or this is mine. I own this.”
  • Both agree that such behavior – especially from Markle, herself a mother – should involve asking permission and is indicative of overcompensation for a lack of authentic relationships.
    • Quote (Callahan, 06:36): “She’s allegedly been pregnant twice herself... You would think she would know.”

• Bowden on alternative social cues:

  • Bowden contrasts Meghan’s choice with “framing”—gesturing to highlight another, rather than touching—and suggests her actions are designed to mark social territory, not genuine friendship.
    • Quote (Bowden, 07:08): “She could have done a framing... She doesn't. She does ownership.”

• Bathroom social media video:

  • Maureen is skeptical about a seemingly staged bathroom moment at the same event, in which Meghan appears with what may be dancers masquerading as attendants.
  • Bowden and Callahan joke about the increasing loss of privacy on social media and frame Markle’s attempts as inauthentic efforts to signal “earthiness.”
    • Quote (Callahan, 10:24): “She can't figure out why none of us are buying what she's selling. And it's exactly what we're seeing.”

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Tiger Woods DUI—Crisis Patterns & Body Language Analysis

[11:04–24:23]

Body Cam Footage and Patterns

• Tiger Woods’s latest DUI arrest is discussed, with new body cam footage revealing Woods’s eerily calm demeanor immediately after rolling his car.
• Bowden notes the pattern of repeated legal trouble and accidents, describing Woods as “extraordinarily calm for somebody who's just rolled a car” ([12:11]).
• Discussion of Woods’s possible reliance on opiates, his physical state, and speculation about stretching movements as a means to manage pain or injury.

Memorable Analysis

• Body narration (or lack thereof):

  • Bowden points out that, although Woods verbally claims he’s “okay,” his body says otherwise—he is shaking his head “no,” not physically engaging in a way consistent with truthfulness.
    • Quote (Callahan, 15:13): “Are you okay? ...He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's shaking his head no.”
    • Quote (Bowden, 15:54): “There's no narration of that with the body... Usually when people are being honest... their whole body will get involved in it. His isn't.”

• Signs of shock, sedatives, and possible head trauma:

  • Woods appears “very relaxed,” with signs of possible sedation, or alternatively, as if he’s withholding part of the story. Bowden also acknowledges that airbag impact could explain Woods’s “denasled voice” and frequent sniffing ([17:48]).
  • Maureen and Bowden both highlight how Woods’s language—calling prescription pills “narcos"—sounds “street,” implying familiarity and possibly illicit sourcing ([21:09], [21:52]).
    • Quote (Bowden, 21:52): “I wouldn't go away. Those. Those pills are narcos. I mean, that's a bit. That feels a little bit street to me.”

• Still Images: Stress & Religiosity:

  • They discuss Woods’s various facial expressions (anguish, prayerful looks, yawning) in the police car, recognizing stress responses and the nuances of body language in crisis.
    • Quote (Bowden, 23:41): “The yawn... is one of the ways we calm down.”

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Hoda Kotb’s “Fake Grief” and the TODAY Show’s Emotional Theater

[24:23–42:39]

The Savannah Guthrie Interview—Surface versus Substance

• “Forced Intimacy” in Press Photos:

  • Callahan critiques the NBC promo photo of Kotb and Guthrie as “forced intimacy,” noting their bodies are not genuinely close ([25:10]).
  • Bowden adds that true closeness would show “more equal framing” and face-to-face contact rather than just “heads touching” ([26:10–26:34]).

• Kotb’s On-Air Emotions:

  • Hoda’s emotional display (dabbing dry eyes) is called out as theatrical—she is “showing a wipe away” of nonexistent tears, contrasting with Guthrie’s genuine emotion ([27:44]).
    • Quote (Bowden, 27:44): “We know what tears actually look like under that lighting... There's no tears for her at all. And yet she is showing a wipe away there. So, yeah, it seems performed to me.”

Microexpressions: Inappropriate Enjoyment?

• Maureen uses Bowden’s body language “training” to spot a micro-expression as Hoda appears to almost enjoy her exclusive.
  • Bowden identifies “lines in the eyes...part of a true smile...there is some pleasure here” ([31:39]).
  • Licking her lips and grooming gestures suggest “this is hot for her...because this is a great moment of tv.”
    • Quote (Bowden, 32:21): “She's enjoying the great moment of tv. There's stress...and she's going, am I looking okay during this? Because...the public are going to be seeing me here.”

The Hosts Tell the Audience What to Feel

• The post-interview ‘reaction shot’ on the Today couch is analyzed for its emotional cues. Craig Melvin is “defeated, dejected...the optic is not one of the closeness that they might be able to get by getting a better photograph” ([37:00]).
• Bowden suggests the anchors are “teaching us how to React” like a cathartic Greek chorus: “Come back tomorrow if you like that...we'll have more of that for you tomorrow” ([37:45]).
  • Maureen speculates on possible behind-the-scenes resentment and ratings motivations ([38:14], [41:47]).
  • Quote (Bowden, 39:21): “They're telling us it's...she's okay now.”

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The View Responds to Tiger Woods and Media Narrative

[44:28–end]

Panel Reactions: Frustration and Hypocrisy on Display

• Maureen gives a rundown of The View hosts’ opinions on Tiger Woods’s latest DUI following widespread public outrage and Tiger’s notorious pattern of reckless behavior.
• Whoopi Goldberg’s defense: Pleads for compassion for Tiger, mentioning his fame and personal difficulties—Maureen retorts with disdain at the “elitist” rationale ([58:26–58:43]).
• Sunny Hostin’s legal empathy: Frames Tiger’s opioid use as a byproduct of childhood exploitation and elite sports. Maureen derides this as a race-based double standard and minimizing the real risk to others ([58:43]).
• Sarah Haines’s data-driven platitudes: Presents statistics and “both sides” the issue, with Maureen summarizing her as the “nice, dull Midwesterner.”
• Joy Behar as lone voice of reason: Argues Woods is rich enough to hire a driver and should stop putting others at risk. Maureen singles her out for her bluntness and honesty ([close to 1:03:00]).

Notable Quotes & Barbs

• Whoopi (paraphrased, 58:43): "Tiger's a friend of mine. I don't like kicking a man when he's down."
• Callahan’s retort: "I don't give a f*** how many famous people you know...That’s basically what passes for brain activity in Whoopi Goldberg's head."
• Sunny Hostin: "He's not a drunk driver...We talk about the opioid crisis...with empathy. But when it comes to Tiger Woods, we don't seem to have that empathy."
• Callahan’s summation: “He's a junkie. He’s not sorry – he’s sorry he got caught...those harridans at that table...trying to make this a high class problem. He's a junkie."

Broader Takeaways

• Media hypocrisy: Maureen calls out selective compassion for celebrities and notes how media figures direct audience emotion, often setting double standards based on class or fame.
  • Quote (Bowden, 41:26): “It's no safer in first class on a plane. It's just...a better standard of misery.”

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Troublemaker (Listener) Feedback Highlights

[44:28–58:26]

• Community coined catchphrases & running gags: Listeners riff on “poop ball retreat”, Meghan Markle’s vocabulary, and Tiger Woods ‘nursery rhymes.’
• Speculation & pop culture gossip: Theories are bandied about on when and why Meghan Markle might announce a divorce, and observations made about possible Markle “plants” online.
• Show engagement: Callahan encourages feedback, sharing jokes, theories, and pop culture observations, and plugging the show’s Substack and merch.

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Conclusion & Closing Thoughts

• Callahan wraps with a promo for the next Nerve "mini" and tells listeners to subscribe for exclusive content.
• She promises ongoing critical coverage of The Today Show and The View and leaves fans with her trademark irreverence and calls to “keep the feedback coming.”

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Noteworthy Quotes & Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• On Meghan Markle (04:35, Bowden): “When we go out and we touch stuff, it's one of those signals of this is desirable and/or this is mine. I own this.”
• On Hoda’s “grief” (27:44, Bowden): “There's no tears for her at all. And yet she is showing a wipe away there. So, yeah, it seems performed to me.”
• On Tiger’s language (21:52, Bowden): “Those pills are narcos. I mean, that's a bit... That feels a little bit street to me.”
• On Today Show emotional guidance (37:45, Bowden): “They're teaching us how to React to this interview... That was emotionally exhausting for us.”
• On The View’s defense of Tiger Woods (58:43, Callahan): “I don't give a f*** how many famous people you know... That’s basically what passes for brain activity in Whoopi Goldberg’s head.”
• Media hypocrisy summation (41:26, Bowden): “It's no safer in first class on a plane. It's just...a better standard of misery.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Meghan Markle “trophy” behavior: 04:00–11:04
• Tiger Woods DUI analysis: 11:04–24:23
• Hoda Kotb / TODAY Show breakdown: 24:23–42:39
  • Microexpressions & emotion: 31:29–35:30
• Listener feedback & mailbag: 44:28–58:26
• The View on Tiger Woods: 58:26–End

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode is sharp, irreverent, and unflinchingly critical, providing witty and skeptical commentary on headline personalities and the media machine that enables them. Maureen Callahan’s banter with Mark Bowden adds both rigor and humor, punctuated by direct, sometimes profane, audience engagement. The summary preserves the biting wit and cultural skepticism that define the show.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Maureen, thanks for having me back as always. Listen, I'm really excited. We've got some great clips today, some really interesting stuff. Where do you want to start?

[A]

Well, I want to start when I see this. You know, Mark, it is because of you that the phrase trophy behavior is now part of my lexicon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Meghan Markle and quote unquote Friend Kelly McKee Zad Fen if I'm saying right on the red carpet at the alliance for children's rights 34th annual Champions for Children gala, that's a mouthful. In Beverly Hills on March 19, 2026. We are looking right now at Megan on the red carpet with Kelly, who is visibly pregnant. And Megan is rubbing, rubbing, rubbing her friend's belly as if it's a trophy. What do you see when you look at this, Mark?

[B]

Maureen, why am I bothering to show up anymore? Now, you know that that's trophy behavior. You've pipped me to the post there. Because it is exactly that. Listen, when we go out and we touch stuff, it's one of those signals of this is desirable and, or this is mine. I own this. In fact, you know, if you work in a, in a retail store, what you want to be looking out for is when potential customers go and touch an object, not just look at it, go and touch it. It's desirable.

[A]

Touching tell you, well, it says that

[B]

they want it closer to them. They want it to be theirs. They want to handle it. They want even more sensory information from it. And so for pregnant women, you know, they often feel, as I've heard it, that everybody thinks they own them. The moment you get pregnant, you know, everybody owns you. Everybody thinks they can come in and touch that area. Of course they can't. They can't. It's yours. It's not theirs. Nothing to do.

[A]

It's so especially, it's such a, it's such a sacred, private thing. You know, the idea that like somebody would not only touch it without asking, but then begin caressing it and framing it with their hands. It's like, hey, Megan, you asshole, we all get it. She's pregnant. It's not about you.

[B]

Right, right, right. Well, look, here's what I'll say. Here's what I'll say, Maureen, this does happen a lot. So this is not necessarily outside of one of the social norms. That shouldn't really be a social norm. It shouldn't really be a social norm that you can just walk up to any pregnant woman and go, oh, I'm gonna have a feel of that. I mean, everybody knows that's kind of odd. It has become a bit of a social norm. I think people do push back on it now, as they should. I think Meghan Markle should be one of the people who should know. That is something you kind of ask permission around.

[A]

First of all, I mean, she's allegedly been pregnant twice herself.

[B]

She would know.

[A]

You would think she would know.

[B]

He would know.

[A]

The other thing, Mark, though, that struck me about this clip in particular, is that it, it seems once again a rank over compensation on Meghan's part to show, look, everybody, I have a friend. And not only do I have a friend, she's such a close friend that I can fairly, my word, molest her on a red carpet. She's going to love it. She's going to love it because I'm me.

[B]

Well, look what she could have done instead, which is something called framing, which is when you kind of frame it and go, hey, look at that. Isn't that great? Isn't that the most important thing in the room? Okay. Which we see in some of these red carpet photographs. When somebody's with somebody else and they point at them to go, look at who I'm with. That person totally outranks me. Look at that. Look what I've achieved to be next to that. She could have done a framing. She doesn't. She does ownership, essentially, which is. Yeah, I mean, you read it exactly right. And I'm so pleased you're picking up these ideas of trophy behavior. It's brilliant.

[A]

We all are. We all are, Mark. You're expanding our minds like we love it. Okay, here's Megan in the bathroom at the same gala. I don't know about you, Mark, but whenever I'm lucky enough to be in a five star hotel at some event, the bathroom attendants break out into dance all the time. You know, there's never music in those rooms. If there is, it's that ambient music and tell me what you're seeing. You know, Megan's off in that side of the frame. Tell me what you're seeing in the camera angle. Tell me what you're seeing. She's trying to convey to us because that was clearly taken for the purposes of social media, no other reason.

[B]

Yeah, well, look, there is a little element of here, of, hey, look what I've got with here. This is really interesting. This is really entertaining. So there is something quite nice about not necessarily the, the emphasis being on her, but who she's with. And I don't know who these people are. And maybe that you're saying they're bathroom attendants. So fantastic for them to have a moment on social media.

[A]

Mark, not to, not to stop you right there, but are you implying that they could perhaps not be real bathroom attendants, but perhaps professional dancers that those two hired to dress up? Because I've never seen a bathroom attendant do like a. Practically a back flip.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, and also, where's, where's the. They're by the vanity mirror there. And where's the stuff that a bathroom attendant might have at the vanity. Yes, there. So I'm unsure. There's something a little confusing about, about this. And here's what I'll add to this. This is a slippery slope. The moment you're now doing your social media from the bathroom. Nice bathrooms, very lovely hotel bathroom. So. So, you know, but the moment you've gone down that route, what's, what's the next step? And the next step and the next step. It's, it's, you know, I've always said privacy is analog. We're in a digital age. And so a lot of privacy went a long time ago. But there is a certain element which is. You're probably not going, I'm probably not going to do this from the bathroom, Maureen. And I hope if I did, you would say, mark, you're not invited anymore. We're not, we're not, we're not. We're not going in that direction. Okay.

[A]

You know, it's so funny you say this. These are the, you know, you look at things, you know, beyond the body language. We're looking at the setting. This is the theater. This is the stage. This is the set, as you say. And there seems to be the connective tissue with these two clips to me. Seems to be that Megan is trying to communicate a sense of earthiness.

[B]

Yes. Right.

[A]

Here's a pregnant woman. Here I am in a bathroom. I am a human being. Bodily functions are not beneath me. I can real with people who are of a lower class than I am. They love me. I can have fun. And it's all. She can't figure out why none of us are buying what she's selling. And it's exactly what we're seeing.

[B]

It's exactly that. Exactly that. It's I'm just like you. Well, kind of. You're not, because you won't see me in the bathroom.

[A]

Thankfully, she's not like any of us. The rest of us. Normal. You know, it passes for normal out here in these mean streets. Okay, let's go to Tiger Woods.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because shortly before we were about to speak with you, Nerve HQ was exploding because we got body cam video. Okay, Body cam video of the rest of the arrest. We're going to look at this first clip right here, taken on March 27, day of his arrest, 20, 26.

[B]

Look down my phone and all of a sudden, boom.

[A]

I'm gonna just take a look at that.

[B]

I'm going to just like take.

[A]

Is this.

[B]

Is this comfortable for you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so he's on the ground on. On one knee. That looks like the. The injured right leg that he nearly had amputated in that last crash he caused doing 90 miles per hour in a 45 mile per hour zone. What do you make of. Of his. His posture there?

[B]

Well, so first of all, let's just look a little bit outside of that and go. This is now clearly a pattern. This is the second time in my understanding that he's rolled a car.

[A]

Second time he's rolled a car that we know of. Fourth time he's been collared for driving under the influence that we know of.

[B]

Okay, so a pattern. This is somebody who's in somewhat of a pattern. He's very calm for somebody who's just rolled a. A car. Now, having said that, this is a. One of the greatest pro golfers ever, as. As I understand it. And you would expect that type of person to have a kind of calm that you and I would never have, you know, a running immense calm under immense pressure. So he's. He's extraordinarily calm for somebody who's just pulled. Must have pulled themselves out.

[A]

That's the thing. He was. Okay, so it rolled on the driver's side.

[B]

Rolled onto the driver's side.

[A]

So let's assume he was buckled in. We don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So either way, he's got a. He's got to fight gravity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In a car that's rolled over in a. In what we constantly hear how banged up his body is. This is the excuse. One of them.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Banged up. Poor Tiger. He somehow manages to get. Climb out of that thing. You know, when you look at it, rolled over, that thing looks like it's 14ft high at least.

[B]

It's a Range Rover. So it's a big vehicle.

[A]

And I'm gonna say if I'm trying to pull myself out of it, which I wouldn't. I would wait for first responders. I would be afraid that anything I did could potentially, you know, I could injure myself worse in the fall. But here's the thing. I agreed with the calm demeanor. We've been to this circus before. We've been arrested before. We've had roadside encounters with the police.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We're also on opiates, allegedly, reportedly.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well, so, you know, on this. On this video here, and I'm Maybe we're going to look at some more, but in this video here, okay. I'm in a 5050 because. Okay, this is somebody who is used to dealing with immense stress. Okay. He's also in an odd position there and very calm in that odd position. But maybe he's stretching out some muscles in order to stop an injury happening in the future. He knows maybe if I've been injured, I need to stretch out in some way. He's stopping the muscles seizing up around a joint or something like that. I can think of some good reasons at this point, at this point why what he's doing there might be. Okay. Ish. Because this is a. One of the greatest pro golfers ever. And he doesn't react to stress like you and I might, and it's a pattern for him. He's used to doing this by now.

[A]

Yeah, he's used. He's been to this rodeo before. Let's look at the second interrogation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where Tiger is attempting to explain what happened. I believe now he is seated halfway, at least in the back of a police vehicle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tell me what happened real quick. Yeah.

[B]

I was looking down at my phone. Do you want to look at changing stations? And next thing I know, boom.

[A]

Okay. Are you okay? Okay, now, Mark, the one thing I pick up at the end of this, you'll pick up way more, I'm sure, is the cop says, are you okay? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's shaking his head no.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, well, let's come to that for a start. Okay. So we'll often. Will often get people being brave. Okay. And. And, you know, there can be stigma with. With injury, you know, and not, you know, manning up to the situation. Okay. So he's going. There's a lot of sharp nos, but there's no body narration with that. There's no.

[A]

No, I love that phrase, body narration.

[B]

There's no. There's no narration of that with the body to go, I'm Okay, I'm okay. I would expect with somebody who's trying to be tough in the situation that they get their body in it and go, no, no, no, it's okay. And what they're kind of saying is, look, just give me time. I'm coming into a bit of a shock here. Just give me time. He's very relaxed. Just look at his breathing rate. Yes, super relaxed. He's leant back. There's no panic, there seems to be no shock. There's no physical narration of the story as well. Just the hands are down. Look, either he's sedated or he's not giving us the full story here. There could be a couple of reasons for no body narration. Usually when people are being honest about a situation, but especially something quite stressful, their whole body will get involved in it. His whole body isn't involved in it. So is he telling, is he not telling us the whole story here or is he sedated in some way to your, your idea that he may well have taken some of these drugs that were in his, his quite strong hydrocodone. So, so, you know, it's a, it's a possibility. Now there's some sniffing that goes on there and there's a bit of a, his, his nasal, he sounds a bit what we call denasled, which is the voices coming out the front of his mouth here, not through his nose. He's getting no head resonance. That could be that the airbags went off and so he's been hit in the face with, with airbags and so it may well, he may well have, you know, damaged. He may well have blood in his nose or mucus in his nose because of the, the pressure of the airbags there. So that might be the sniffing that's

[A]

going, you know, that is such a brilliant observation and supposition, Mark, because I've never been hit in the face with an airbag, thank God. But I would imagine just the shock of it, aside from the force of it, but the shock of something hitting your face totally front on would rattle you. And this guy, it's like, you know, he's just waiting for, you know, his friends to come over and grab him so they can go like to the nearest restaurant or something.

[B]

The force of an airbag can for some people break their nose.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

If you've got a child in a front, in a front seat and their bags goes off, it could be fatal to a child, which is why you must have them in a children's position or in the Front in the reverse position. Yeah. The pressure on those bags is extraordinary. You should always have those airbags turned on because they will save your life. You know, they absolutely. They absolutely will, but they could well hurt you. So he's had airbags, and there may be multiple airbags in that vehicle. One at the front, one at one side of it, and maybe one at the other side of it, and they may all have gone off. So that's. That's quite an explosion around you.

[A]

Let's look at Tiger. When the cops discover those drugs in his pocket. We're not going to see him, but we're going to hear him, and we'll see part of his body. And I do think there's a lot to be discerned from this small clip. Here we go. Yeah, that's an Orgo Norco. Yep. Okay. And then we see him in the back of the control of the. Of the patrol car. His hands are clearly cuffed behind his back. He's strapped in with a seatbelt. He leans back, he closes his eyes, and his. He seems to inhale through his nose with, like, a stutter, almost like it's a. It's a breath that's interrupted and then inhales very quickly again.

[B]

Yeah, so. So this could be shock starting to. To set in. You can get some convulsions. It could be that, again, the airbags have gone off. That's caused some pressure on the nose, blood mucus. You might be trying to clear that. Often we release stress by stretching the front or, or relieving pressure in the back of our. Our neck. So it could be stress release. It cannot. Could be like a look to the heavens of what. What the hell have I got myself into? Or, wow, I managed to get away with that with my life. Or I don't know what's going on in his head. But there are a number of reasons why we might get that kind of behavior. Of course, there are some drugs that you can take that will cause you to want to stretch and release muscle tension because they cause you to get very lively. These might be those kind of drugs. They may be more sedative. I don't know. I've not taken this drug, so I don't know what it's. What the results are.

[A]

Yeah, like you, I have very little experience with drugs like this. Whenever I've been prescribed them for a broken bone or surgery, I don't like them. But what struck me about, when he's the cop, you see the pills in his hand and you hear Tiger's VOICE OFF SCREEN go. Oh, those are narcos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I thought to myself, like, oh, he's. This is a very casual way of naming. What. Like, he's very fluent in the lingo of drugs to me.

[B]

Yes, it's an odd. If it's a prescription drug. So, you know, I've had operations and been prescribed hydromorphone. Okay. Strong painkiller. You know, try not to take it, but sometimes you have to. And if I was with the police and they take that out of my pocket, I would go, look, that's hydromorphone. Because I've just had an operation and.

[A]

Exactly. I would say, I'm on oxycodone. My doctor gave it to me. Like, I don't. Yeah, yeah, it's a narco.

[B]

I wouldn't go away. Those. Those pills are narcos. I mean, that's a bit. That feels a little bit street to me.

[A]

Doesn't it feel street?

[B]

It feels a bit like. Feels like it might get me into more trouble than not.

[A]

Does. It does feel street. Like, what if his provider is a. Is a. Is a. Is an actual dealer? I mean, look, we've got dealers and doctor's offices all over America. That's to be sure. But, like, what if he. Like, my theory is, like, I don't think he's always getting these things from the doctor. I really don't. We're gonna take a look at still images of woods before we move on from him in the cop car. And these struck me really like that second one on the bottom here. He looks. There's like a religiosity to it. Like he looks like he's begging God for, like, a miracle. And then let's move to the other two really quickly. Um, and there he is yawning, which I understand can be a stress response. And then again, he's. He's. He is. He has an expression of anguish on his face, and he's leaning back, still wrapped in whatever this towel is or whatever it is they've given him. What do you make of these images, Mark?

[B]

Yeah, look, still images are tough because they're just moments of time, and we really need context. So look, that one that feels very religious. I mean, he also has the. The head scarf as well, which is just exacerbating that, you know, and so we don't know what happens before or after around that. But it does look, you know, highly, highly religious. You're absolutely right about the. The yawn. It's one of the ways that relieve stress or More importantly, move from one state to another state.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It's the way, one of the ways we calm down. If you're a dog, if you're a dog owner, you'll notice that your dog will do a big yawn. When they're changing from one mood to another mood, it's one of the signals to say, okay, the dog's settling down. They've, they've stopped their run around. They're, they're yawning now. They're going to calm right, right down. We, we do the same. Dogs actually picked it up from, from us. We evolved. Yeah, we evolved together about 40,000 years ago. Yeah. As we started to tame wolves, we picked up on yawning together in order to.

[A]

We got yawning from wolves and they

[B]

got it from us or they got it from us.

[A]

They got it from us. So. God, I wish Andy Warhol was still with us. That image of tiger in the back of the patrol car going, I mean, it's one for the ages. Okay, we're gonna move to Savannah and Hoda, which I have been dying to talk to you about probably more than anybody. Okay. So I wanna look first. I know you don't love still photography, but this one I love because this is the image that NBC ch. Promote their one on one in the aftermath of Savannah's mother being abducted, still missing and returning to the Today show. What I notice here is the heads are together. One is higher than the other, but that triangle of negative space at the bottom. So, like, their heads are together but their bodies are not close.

[B]

Yeah. Also they haven't quite. I mean, the heads are touching and the head is, is not a particularly vulnerable place. Ultimately, you know, you can, you can tap on your head and you're going to be fine. Okay. You can knock heads and everybody's going to be okay. The cheeks together would be way more intimate. Way more intimate. So that part of that triangle is around the cheeks not being together and so the body not closing completely on that. So, yeah, I think. And you're absolutely right. Still images are tough because we don't know exactly the context of the other movement around it. Maybe they've just come out of a really close, you know, cheek to cheek moment. We don't quite know. But yeah, the, the optic here is, is not one of the, the closeness that, that they might be able to get by getting a better photograph.

[A]

Let's just say the optic here, I feel, is a forced intimacy. Savannah is actually, I think, quite tall, but I also just find it interesting that there's such a differential in that. Normally I feel like when friends put their heads together, they kind of tilt a little bit. So you're kind of even. You're just. You find a way to sort of. It's natural. It doesn't.

[B]

Yes, you're right.

[A]

Forced, you know.

[B]

Yes, you're right. Again, we would expect more framing now. Now this is a tragic situation as well. So, you know, they've been. I don't know whether this is before or after the. The. The interview. So I don't know where they're coming from there. But with really good friends, we might expect better, more equal framing between the two to say, hey, look who I'm with. I'm with my brother. You know, a great friend here, somebody who is my equal here.

[A]

Yeah, I agree. I agree. Okay, so let's get into the video. Hoda's affect, I found and many people who watched the nerve found was feel it is off. Feel it is off. And here we are going to watch her try to show a lot of emotion. But I think we're absent one key thing. Here we go. In all the despair, you sat and managed to think of words to say. Were you able to do that in that moment? So talk to me about this very theatrical dabbing of eyes that seem to be. There are no tears.

[B]

Yeah, look, and you can test that for sure because there's the shot of Savannah, and it's the same lighting situation. And you see the glistening in her eyes. And we know she's been tearing throughout, in fact, and she hasn't been dabbing them away, although Hoda does have a paper handkerchief at the ready in case that's. That's needed. But she hasn't been dabbing those tears away. So we. We know what tears actually look like under that lighting because we could go, hey, she's crying. But you can't see it because of the lighting. You know, you can see tears under that lighting because we see it in Savannah. There's no tears for her at all. And let. Yet she is showing a wipe away there. So, yeah, I. It seems performed to me.

[A]

Do you think, Mark, that Savannah. I found it strange that she didn't wipe away those tears at times. She did at other times, she let them stream down her face, which is an uncomfortable feeling. Like our impulse is to get them off our face, you know.

[B]

Okay, so. So our impulse, if we're not too emotionally distressed, is. Is to wipe them away, especially if we're feeling some social risk. So if there's a lot of social risk.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And we're not. That isn't overwhelmed by the emotion. We'll start to hide and start to wipe them away because again, there's a stigma with I'm showing a big emotion in front of people. Now, what's interesting here is obviously they're in front of not right then, but they're going to be in front of millions of people. Okay. Now, they're both used to being in front of millions of people and they're both used to the idea of you've kind of got to display the authentic you because the audience really like that. Yeah. And the emotions that Savannah is, is having are extreme and real. Okay. They're extreme and real. And I would say at that point, all social risk has gone. All social risk has gone. She won't know. She won't be feeling the risk of crying in front of other people. She won't know that it's happening.

[A]

I would say I like this a lot. Okay, let's look at Hoda. This we showed last week, but I really wanted to revisit it with you. I feel that it's your training mark that allowed me to catch this micro expression that we have since slowed down. Savannah. Oh, look at. You're so excited. Your body language is telling me it all. Okay, so Hoda seems to be relishing in the gory details as relayed by Savannah here. Let's take a look. It is surreal. It's. How is it possible that we are having to make a video speaking to a kidnapper who took an 84 year old woman in the dead of night in her pajamas? So we're gonna look at the micro expression. And I also want to ask you about those little grunts Hoda was delivering off Cam. Here's the licking of the lips load down. The eye flutters, the tongue comes out, it comes out again. We seem to. What is that, Mark?

[B]

Yes, there's a number of things here. First of all, we've got some lines in the eyes here, which is showing a true part of a true smile.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So she. There is some pleasure here.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I would, I would say. Now, I mean, you know, there's an argument for it because this is damn good tv.

[A]

So it's better tv. I'm gonna counter you. It's better TV if you can act like you're just as upset as your friend over this unthinkable, violent tragedy. That's even better tv.

[B]

I mean, this is. This is one of the hottest stories for a long, long time, arguably. And she has the inter. I'm guessing this is very exclusive.

[A]

Yes. They were fighting over this.

[B]

Okay. And so. And. And we're getting some real pain from this person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No drama. TV drama can't come up with this kind of material. On the whole. This is expensive stuff. Okay. So. And she's there in the. In the frame. And I think there's a pleasure in her being there. This lip licking, I would say, is what we call a grooming gesture or a hygienic gesture to make sure you're looking okay. Am I looking good for this? It clears the proteins that can build up at the side of your mouth or on your lips when stress is high. So I'd say she's feeling stressed during this. Like, this is hot for her. Yeah. Because this is a great moment of tv. She's enjoying the great moment of tv. There's stress around getting this great moment of tv, and she's going, am I looking okay during this? Because the shot. The public are going to be seeing me here. So.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a lot here that might not feel quite rightly, very good to viewers. And some of the other times I see her, it's quite what I would call saccharine. It's a little bit. You know, she's up there lent forward. It feels a little bit Drew Barrymore the way.

[A]

Yes. You know. Yes. In the framing mark, it feels intrusive where she's, like, jackknifing the top of her body further into the frame, further into Savannah's personal space, which it's sort of like I'm getting in here. I'm pushing myself into this narrative. But I gotta ask you something about the. The lip lick, licking in the eye thing, because, like, for me, the. That lip licking, it literally brought to mind the phrase licking one's chops. Like, I'm relishing this. I am licking my chops at the gory details that I'm getting out of you. And the eye flutter, it felt to me like this was like a professional orgasm.

[B]

I like. I like the idea. I like the idea. Look, here's. Here's what I. What I. I love the idea. Here's why I'd push back on that. What I'd expect with the licking of the chops is you would get the actual tasting sensation as well in the. In. Because a lot of this body language does come from the natural stuff we do every day. Like, disgust is literally smelling a bad thing. Yeah. And vomiting it up. Disgustery. Yeah. The licking of the chops is like okay, I'm getting these moist so the food goes down better. But we would expect like a taste, which would mean that we'd get some slight indents in the. In the cheeks here. But listen, you know, viewers should just reel back on this bit. Yeah, go and look that again and see whether you get these little indents here which would suggest she's actually tasting the meat of the content there as well. Because, you know, I didn't see it as that, but you could absolutely be right. So reel back and take a look. See whether you see that.

[A]

Regardless of how it shakes out, I just love that this is an actual conversation we have had on the nerve about the motions of Hoda's tongue and what nefarious stuff it may imply. And it's a nerve award. 20, 26 already, Mark, the second. You are winning one. Okay, our first final wrapping up of this and our time together. I want to talk to you about the reaction of the Today show hosts on the couch. We're going to take this in two parts.

[B]

Lovely.

[A]

This is immediately after they aired a good chunk of the Savannah exclusive. Again, this is the first time she has spoken since her mother was abducted. So weeks have gone by. We have all been curious to hear from Savannah. And I would think that they would mirror the viewer at home, like all in, glued again, like Hoda. Top of my body's jackknife forward. I don't know. And also watch. So watch Craig. The two guys on the right of our screen most in particular. Here we go. I mean, Savannah's faith has been on display over the years, but never quite like that.

[B]

I don't know if people realize that none of us have had much correspondence with her over this whole 54 day ordeal. So as we're watching this with the world, we're. We're learning and unpacking so much about our dear friend.

[A]

What do you make of it, Mark? I mean, I. Yeah, I have thoughts, but tell me what you make of it.

[B]

So Craig there, absolutely gravity has got everything apart from his. His. One of his legs. So gravity has taken hold of the whole of his torso. He's all the way down. The sides of his mouth are down. His hands are not buoyant at all. His hands are down by his side. It feels defeated, dejected, completely spent. And. And he's the. The most of all of them. But they're all either are or are playing this role of that was emotionally exhausting for us. Now what I'd suggest here is that they're teaching us how to React to this interview.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

They're saying, hey, viewers, here's how you should feel right now. That was emotionally exhausting for you. Like you are. That was a Catholic cathartic experience. You are totally emotionally spent. Come back tomorrow if you like that. We'll have more of that for you tomorrow. Come back for more of, more of that. Because it is a great feeling when you, when you get that, you know, you go and watch a film.

[A]

Yeah. Cliffhanger. You got a cliffhanger? You know, would it, Would it, Mark, would it interest you to know that I could read into Craig's defeatist attitude as having something to do with reports that came out of NBC in the days after or hours after this interview that Craig was pissed beyond belief that not only did they give this one on one to Hoda the mediocrity sitting next to him on this couch, but he wasn't even in the running to talk to her.

[B]

Really? Yeah. Look, is it because of, is it because of, of that? I don't know. If, if, if I was feeling like, yeah, I'm the back runner now, now would be the time to step up and go and either give it some energy, let me show you what I can do on this show, or fall in line with what they may have been told, which is, hey, everybody, after this interview, you are, you know, it's. You are absolutely emotionally spent.

[A]

Drained.

[B]

Drained. Draining.

[A]

Our final clip. And this goes to your thesis that the job to be done here by these hosts is to tell the audience how to react, what to think and what to feel. Here we go.

[B]

Yeah. You get the sense by watching that obviously the grief is just unfathomable.

[A]

It's hard to watch.

[B]

It seems like she's found some peace.

[A]

I think she's. She's found some peace. I think she has found some, but I think she wants the answers too. She says, yeah, she says that no one will steal the joy. No one can walk into their lives and steal that joy.

[B]

Hmm. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. They're telling us it's. She's, she's okay now.

[A]

So this, this story that has yet to reach its. A conclusion, which would be what happened to Nancy, who did it and where she is all unanswered, but Craig in a face, an expression to me that reads like disgust, like he was directed to say, this sounds like she's got some peace.

[B]

Yeah. So she can come back on the, on the show then. So don't worry, audience, when she comes back on the show, you don't need to worry. It'll be a sunny day again. I mean, look at it. Those, those yellow, I think, daffodils in the front. It's a morning show. Morning shows are all about like, come on, let's get on with our day. It's going to be okay. It's going to. You don't want somebody leading a morning show. Who you're going. Are they okay? Are you going to be okay? Are you all right? Because I got my own problems. Like, I got a million and one of my own problems. I need any anchor of a morning show to be the thing that drives me through the day, okay? Now she's super valuable. She was valuable in the first place. She's even more valuable now because she's dealt with this tragedy and we've seen these incredible emotions from her. She's so much more like us now, okay? In fact, an extreme version of us. We have tragedy. She's got extreme, unresolved tragedy.

[A]

Not just that, Mark, but it's another sort of example of be careful what you wish for. You can get all the fame and money and power and access in the world and you will not be protected from something like this happening. In fact, Savannah says in the interview she thinks it's because of those things that her mother was taken.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And so that, I think, too, is like one. Like she is way more valuable now. She is a ratings gold mine, at least in the immediate. And I just think there's also resentment. I see resentment on that sofa. Like, we still. We're still talking about this. We're still talking about this.

[B]

Well, here's what I always say, Maureen. It's no safer in first class. On a plane, it's just. Just a better standard of misery. Okay?

[A]

So no safer in first class if that plane's going to. In fact, what they often say is if you're in the back, you got a better chance.

[B]

You do, you do, you do.

[A]

Metaphor of all metaphors. Mark, you are utterly front to back. Brilliant. We love talking to you. Thank you for breaking all of this down with us for a perfect Friday. Nerve.

[B]

Anytime.

[A]

See you soon. Coming up, troublemaker feedback. We are back in a minute. If you are someone who is looking to lose weight but is not interested in painful weekly injections with scary side effects, there is an alternative. A weight loss supplement called Lean. The doctors at Brickhouse Nutrition created Lean for frustrated dieters with 10 or more pounds to lose. It's made with studied ingredients that have been shown to lower your blood sugar, burn fat by converting it into energy and curb your appetite and cravings. One note, Lean is not for the casual dieter. With only a few pounds to lose, you can get started with 20% off and free rush shipping so you can add lean to your healthy diet and exercise plan immediately. Visit takelean.com and enter code Maureen for your discount. That's promo code maureenakelean.com support is available 24. 7 with VRBoCare. We're here day or night ready when you whenever you need help because a great trip starts with the right support.

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[A]

We are back and it is time for the best part of any Nerve Troublemaker feedback. This comes from troublemaker Lauren, who resent an email email which I'm so glad she did because it had gotten pushed back in my inbox before she says Honored Troublemaker Lauren from New York. Yes, you can use my name. I am on my way to the airport listening to your latest episode describing Megan's Poop Poop to do Poop Ball Retreat Troublemakers. Do we have another word that rivals Shamalama Ding Dong in being multisyllabic? I mean, we've got to coin it just right for this poop ball retreat. And she resent this previous email. And in it is a picture of their border collie, Hank, a true royal in his official garb. Oh yes you are Hank. You are a true royal. I think you might agree with me that he probably knows more words in the dictionary than Meghan Markle, who she calls Matsito. Meghan. Keep on rocking Lauren. This is from troublemaker Michael. This is hilarious. He wrote a few stanzas called Tiger's Nursery Rhymes. Hickory dickory dock. Tiger couldn't even make it a block without flipping his car speeding to a strip bar. Hickory dickory dark dock. Sorry, Hickory dickory dock dark I think because the whole thing's so dark. One more Tiger Roses are red, violets are blue. Nancy Guthrie is missing. Was she run over by you? We like it. This is Troublemaker. I am welcome to say her name, Marlene, although I initially read it as Marlena. Hi Maureen. I am a huge fan of the show. I want to put forth a theory of when Meghan Markle will announce her divorce. I love this theory. My troublemaker senses lead me to believe that the announcement will take place around the time William and Kate are crowned the new monarchs. Imagine. What better way to to ko William and Kate and her future ex husband Harry than to ruin a most anticipated succession. It would be Megan's ultimate revenge. Placing herself in the eye of the hurricane and having the press toggle between focusing on a historical event or a historical scandal. I like it. We know Megan watches the show. I'm sure she's taken notes. Hi, Maureen. To this point, this troublemaker, I will call you Troublemaker C. I had only subscribed to the nerve on YouTube and so I went to thenerv.com to sign up today. The first site that came up was TheNerve News. I was confused because I thought maybe this is some kind of affiliate. It is not. Then Troublemaker C noticed that Meghan Markle's photographer, she says the one always defending Megan, is part of their team. And I didn't think he would be part of the Nerve, our Nerve team. Yeah, I think something's fishy as well. Happy birthday. This is art from a troublemaker who I will have remain nameless. You say fuck a lot. I do? Oh, my God. This dog. This dog. Danette included her dog who has the same coloring as Teddy Van Halen. As my beloved tvh, she included her favorite troublemakers. This is. I'm going to take it. It's your. Your partner or husband wearing his Nerve T shirt that says I'm a troublemaker on the back. My favorite troublemakers looking for Steadman in Florida. Thank you guys for keeping the search active. Dear Maureen, Troublemaker C in Hollywood. I've been living in denial for a year, but as of today, I have the courage to admit my addiction to the Nerve. I am a comfortable, heterosexual male who is, dare I say it, on the verge of dyeing my hair platinum blonde or sticking it straight up like Rob Shooter, constantly saying in some, in substance and just my opinion, and sticking my right hand, index finger upwards whenever I make my best point while beaming my brightest smile, saying, are you ready? Well, you know the drill. Cheers. See, in Hollywood, Maureen, I am hardly a prude, but you and your boss, MK are out of control using the F word. How long until you start with see you next Tuesday? I'm about done with you. I've already. Okay, okay. Hi, Maureen. I emailed a few months ago regarding my review of Wicked for Good and touched on Matthew McConaughey. I'm grateful you did not read my email on the show then, because I said you should do an appreciation segment for celebs like Matthew. After hearing his poop prank on that CNN town hall with Shyamalama Ding Dong, CNN wonders why it's dying. They do a town hall with Shyamalama Ding Dong in which he makes another fatally, like, you know, an unforced error to get that Oscar. And McConaughey sits there and says, yeah, I left a huge steaming pile of shit that I took in your trailer. I felt like a fool. It's not your fault. Do Never blame the victim, Troublemaker. Okay? Never blame the victim. There are really very few celebs we can appreciate, many of whom are not from recent generations. This is true. At least, you know, as discussed, Ethan Hawke is in like, excellent standing here at the Nerve, probably forever. On another note. Oh, by the way, many of you troublemakers commented and emailed. I mispronounced Coogee beach in Australia. It's Coogee Beach. Coogee Beach. I am sorry. Thank you for correcting me. I nearly died over the. Over the Coogee Beach Poo balls. Let's just call them what they are. They're shit balls. They're balls of shit. They're balls of shit washing up on the beach in front of the hotel where Meghan Markle is doing her girls weekend. Imminently. Shit balls. Releasing sewage to the beach could deter Meghan Markle. It won't. It won't. It won't. This I sorry I printed this out. I have to keep it a secret. It's for Marlena's eyes only. It goes to something that the Nerve may be doing imminently. A quick reminder to keep your feedback coming. Email me at maureenvilmakeremedia or DM me on Instagram @maureen callahanriter or henerve show. And remember, if you haven't already, absolutely, you should subscribe to the Nerves Substack. It is our weekly email. It's full of bonus content, stuff we couldn't get to. Conversations with troublemakers. Teddy gives updates. I give recommendations. It's so fun. It's really, really fun. All you need to do is go over to thenerveshow.com do not go to thenervshownews.com I think Megan is trying to vacuum up some intel, at least. Careful troublemakers. Thenerveshow.com you will see a prompt. Would you like to subscribe to our substack? Put your email address in. Voila. Every Friday, hours after the last full nerve of the week, you get a little more to hold you. Over to the mini up next. Up next, those morons, those embarrassments over at the View. We've been going balls to the wall at the Today show and the View was out of our sight line. But now it's it. They're coming in for it and it's going to be the first of many. And we know there are troublemakers over at ABC too. We know it. We will be back in a minute. Troublemakers are banks cashing your interest checks while you are buried in debt. PDS debt can help. PDS Debt has freed hundreds of thousands of people from credit card, personal loan and medical debt with tailored plans that put you first and no minimum credit score is required. They have gotten a plus rating from the Better Business Bureau and a nearly five star rating on trustpilot with thousands of real success stories. Every month you delay costs you more. So don't wait another month. Take back control. In 30 seconds, get your free personalized assessment and the best option for [e-mail] nerve that's PDS debt.com nerve day or night. Vrbocare is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out. From the moment you book to the moment you head home. We're here to help things run smoothly because a great trip starts with the right support. And hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either. Start your day with Quaker Protein Instant Oatmeal. The instant Oatmeal. Ready to help you tackle whatever your day brings. Like wrangling your toddler into their car seat. That was fun. Coaching your 6th graders soccer team. Go girls. And carrying all the groceries in one trip. Try Quaker Protein Instant Oatmeal Granola and bars. Great taste and a good source of protein. Quaker bring out the good. We are back. Now we've got a really nice conflation of scandalous behavior. On one side, the latest reaction to the Tiger woods scandal which is unfolding as we speak. On the other side, the idiots at the table at the View giving their opinions on said scandal. Now, Tiger took 2x on Tuesday, March 31, days after his arrest. Okay, so trust me, there have been crisis meetings taking place non stop. How do we address this? Well, Tiger's doing what he's always done. He did this like 16 years ago. Oh my God. You could go read it on X if you want. I won't even bore you summon substance. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I realize now I've got a real problem. I need to step away and address it. ESPN reporting on April 1st. April. Would that this were an April fool story. Judge grants woods permission to leave the United States for treatment. Tiger was asked for permission to leave the country, and the judge gave it to him. Why? He needs to leave the United States, which has a rehabilitation industrial complex for the ages. There are rehabs all over the place at all price points. He's got to leave the country. Why? Why did this? Is this judge unfamiliar with Matthew Perry's memoir, published shortly before his death from drugs, in which he claimed to be sober and said he loved to leave the country? You know why? He could get a lot more drugs that way. All right, let's go to the ladies of the View. Here we go. They were discussing it. I had it on in the background because, you know, I was like, I've got. I've got to take the nerve. Has to be as nimble as we can be. We've got. We know what we're dealing with over at the Today show. And yes, we will have our eyes on it all week long as Savannah returns on Monday, April 1st. Again with it. This were an epic April Fool's joke. The ladies of the View. And filling in for Alyssa, who's the token conservative, like, conservative, you know, on that panel, is Whitney Cummings, who I find like a pretty disturbed person and really not funny. So she's sitting in that chair. Whoopi is going to offer the first opinion about Tiger's latest DUI in which he rolled his suv. He rolled a car for the second time. That he hasn't killed somebody by now is nothing short of a miracle. All I can think when I see that rolled over SUV is what if a little kid had been out on the street, like, riding their bike? What if Whoopi. Let's hear from the brain trust known as Whoopi fucking Goldberg. Here we go. Some media personalities like Dave Portnoy, I don't know who that is. Are not as passionate.

[B]

Take a look. I have no sympathy for the guy. What does he do? I don't know anybody who has ever rolled a car over. This guy rolls it over every two weeks. So you know what?

[A]

Put him behind bars, put him in

[B]

jail for a little bit, make him wake up, get a driver. You're gonna kill somebody. You're gonna kill somebody innocent.

[A]

That's true. You know, Tiger's a friend of mine and I wish him Nothing but the best. I don't like kicking a man when he's down. Yeah, so Whoopi says, I don't know who Dave Portnoy is. That is not a flex, Whoopi. Dave Portnoy is a very culturally relevant person. I am hardly a major sports fan, but I know who Dave Portnoy is. Dave Portnoy is a lot more wealthy than you are. He is a lot more of an important presence in the media landscape than you are. Oh, Tiger's a friend of mine. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck how many famous people you know who you're gonna carry water for. I don't like kicking a man when he's down. Well, then I guess we should just send nobody to prison ever, because they're down. That's basically what passes for brain activity in Whoopi Goldberg's head. Whitney is going to pick up that baton and trot out the. Very. Well, the much overheated talking point about Tiger needing a pass because he didn't have a childhood. Here we go. I'm a new mom and I, you know, feel like I want to make my child this overachiever who has a skill. But, you know, his dad had him putting on TV at too and he didn't documentary about him was fascinating. He didn't get to have a childhood, you know, and I see this so much. I'm sure, you know, all of you have where if you didn't have a childhood, you're going to have to have it at some point. You know, plenty of kid actors who didn't have a childhood and don't become drunk drunk drivers. Name one. I mean, well, I'm kidding. I can name some good for Joy Behar. I often, you know, like, she's the only one who's like, what are you talking about? Like, working as a child and not having a traditional childhood shouldn't give you free rein to drive drunk. You know how many of you I've heard from who say, I lost somebody to a drunk driver? You know, okay, here comes our America's preeminent race hustler, Sunny Hostin, who has filled the Star Jones chair. Remember when Star Jones used to be played by Tracy Morgan on snl? And Tracy Morgan at that table in drag would always be like, my name is Star Jones and I am a lawyer. Sonny is always like, as a former federal prosecutor. We know Sonny. We know. But she's going to talk about. Well, this is her. She's taken the talking point from Team Tiger, which has been pumped into the cultural water supply and offers this wholly unoriginal thought while also minimizing the danger of someone being on drugs on what Tiger called narcos behind the wheel. Here we go. Yeah, he's not a drunk driver. But what I will say this is. They found some hydrocodone in his pocket. He's had 20 surgeries and he lives with back pain. And I think, you know, we talk about the opioid crisis in this country with such empathy. And when it comes to Tiger woods, for some reason, we don't seem to have that empathy for him. I'm not. Excuse me, I'm not excusing the fact that he was driving while under the influence. You are. But I think we need to show someone who is a sports legend who may have been pushed very hard as a child and have some grace for the pain that he's living with and the fact that as an athlete, he is now having to struggle with the fact that he may have to give up the one thing that he loves to do. You know what? It's called being a fucking grownup, okay? The guy has more resources than most people ever would have access to. I don't care about his pain. I care that he may take the life of an innocent person or persons because this guy, at 50 years old cannot get his shit together. And trust, trust you me when I tell you that if this had been a white athlete who had been in his fourth serious car crash under the influence, second one, rolling the car, Sonny would be shouting white privilege all day long. In comes the useless Sarah Haines. Sarah, who's the nice one from the Midwest, whose constant refrains, no matter the topic, are. On the one hand, there's this. And on the other hand, there's this. She is as dull as a butter knife. I don't know why she is at that table. And she's also going to read from. She's always the one the producers are handing cards to saying, read off these data points. Here we go. He is getting the treatment he needs. Because whenever I see him, he already pled not guilty. By the way, whenever I see him, I see such sadness. And his eyes like I again, I know how important he's an asshole. Do not drink under the influence. Almost 50. You found? They found no alcohol. You're right. You're right. But Whoopi, it's enough. Drugs and alcohol, they're both bad Driving high out of his mind, flipping two in the afternoon. Get the fuck out of here. Here come the Here come the data points. Here we go. I know that 54% of drivers tested positive for alcohol and drugs in seriously serious crashes. So people die every day. That is very serious. I think Tiger woods has been in a lot of pain for a long time, and I don't mean just physically. So I really hope he gets what he needs and finds something. What about the rest of us law abiding citizens out here who don't want our lives in jeopardy because this rich asshole is constantly getting a pass? Tiger is not sorry. I will go back and look at his presser. We played some of it on a very recent nerve, one that we aired this week. He's not sorry. He's sorry he got caught. He's sorry now he's got to do all this shit to act like he's sorry. He's not sorry. Here's Joy talking some real talk, like some actual sense. Here we go. You know what? He's very rich. He should get a driver. Just not Justin Timberlake. But I do wanna say that he told. He did test, as Whoopi just said, negative for alcohol. But he did tell investigators that he had. Had. He took prescription medication and informed them that he's had seven back surgeries and over 20 operations on his leg and he's living with severe chronic pain. Then don't drive. If you have such severe chronic pain. Sorry, you did it to yourself. You stayed in the game way too long. If you have such severe chronic pain, don't fucking drive. If you want to be off your face on opioids all day long, have at it. Don't fucking drive. And all those harridans at that table, except for Joy Behar, got their talking point. Oh, he wasn't drunk. Oh, he wasn't drunk. They're trying to make this a high class problem. He's a junkie. Just my opinion. He's a junkie. Joy, again, questions. Why can't this guy hire a fucking driver? Here we go. That's terrible. But why? Why can't he get a driver? I'll tell you why. He's rich. Well, just being, you know, why it's nice to have a driver, but it's also you. You don't want to be that guy that says, well, why is it he always being driven around, doesn't need to drive. And, you know, you. You can't win. Yeah, you can't win. That's elitist. Yeah, that's elitist. And. Oh, that's elitist. You know that face Whoopi makes that like she goes in, she's like, you know, I'm gonna have to do it. I'm gonna have to risk talking about the perils of being a really rich, famous woman that we all made, who rather we all made rich and famous. Oh, oh, you know, you don't, you don't want to be that person. Like, why is that person always being driven around? You know, we live in an Uber economy. All of us get driven around. Whoopi. It just depends what, like, level of vehicle we're getting driven around in. And by the way, we all know people who are like, I'm going to go out and party. And so I'm getting an Uber or I'm hiring a car service. What the fuck is she talking about? It's elitist. It's elitist. You're going to set yourself apart. Tiger woods has been set apart from the rest of us for the bulk of his natural life. Okay? That's just how it is. We're all cool with it. We expect a guy at that level to be chauffeured around, to have a security team to move throughout the world in ways the rest of us don't need to or have to for multiple reasons. So we're good out here. Whoop. Okay. We're totally cool. And by the way, Whoopi, why don't you tell your audience how it is you get to work every day at the ABC studios? She lives in New Jersey. You think she's getting in her car and driving herself to work and driving? She's not. She's got a driver. But I guess that would be too elitist for Whoopi to admit. She's talking out of both sides of her mouth. She's an embarrassment. This show is an embarrassment. I mean, I'm not saying anything new here, but as we continue to surgically take it apart, which we will, I mean, ABC really needs to remove the View from the news division. Abc? The View is considered news. The View is considered news. Just consider it entertainment. Just consider it entertainment. So they can spout their inane, uninformed bullshit with such confidence all day long. We're going to close out. Who can ever forget this banger? This banger that Whoopi Goldberg has largely successfully had scrubbed from the Internet. Just my guess, just my opinion. Hard to find, not impossible on Roman Polanski who fled the United States. Another one looking to get out of the United States because he was about to be tried and sent to prison for a very long time for raping a 13 year old girl anally I have the grand jury testimony of said girl and the amount of time she says in here, she said to Roman Polanski, I said, I just want to go home. Here we go. Was not charged. I know it wasn't rape. Rape. There is a statutory I, I child molest maybe, I'm not sure. Something it was something else. But I don't believe it was rape. Rape. And that does it. That does it for your Friday edition of the Nerve. Now a quick editorial note. The Nerve is taking a one week long spring break. Even the wicked do need to rest. But we will have our eyes and ears everywhere. Not to worry. And we will be back here Tuesday, April 14, with a nice full nerve and we will get to everything that went on or is about to go on, you know what I'm saying? Depending on when you're watching this episode, if you haven't already, go check out our substack. That's some nice added content to hold you over [e-mail] it's our weekly email. Just go to our website, nerfshow.com, you'll see a prompt. Would you like to subscribe to the substack? Enter your email. Voila. Every Friday it winds up in your inbox full of bonus content stuff we couldn't get, like fit into our episodes. You know, I'm always running over. I'm trying to be better. TED talk, troublemaker talk. Rex, for me, it's all over there. Go subscribe. Plus, we've got our nerve merch. Grab something for yourself or a fellow troublemaker@shop thenerve.com and we will see you tomorrow back here for the mini over on YouTube. It lives on YouTube right now. The mini drops 10am Eastern. I am so looking forward to this one. We've got a real offender and we've got our spiritual godmother, who I know a lot of you love this person, one of our last real remaining exciting public intellectuals. Come back to the Nerve Tomorrow morning, Saturday, 10am Eastern, where you'll never guess what we're about to say next.

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