← The Nerve with Maureen Callahan
The Nerve with Maureen Callahan
The Baldwins' Swan Song, Rachael Ray's Bizarro Blathering, and The WNBA's Shameful Behavior
00:56:57
In this special weekend edition of The Nerve, we are bringing you a blend of Maureen's bonus slam dunks, as she rips into the Baldwins and their failed attempts to resuscitate their public image, unloads on the attention seeking posts from 3 celeb IG accounts and then skewers the WNBA and Afflecks with the one and only Bill from Brooklyn.
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Hey, welcome to a special weekend edition of the Nerve. This is something we have never done before, but we want to give you guys all the content we possibly can. And we hear you that you're loving the weekend stuff and we are loving providing it for you. We love it. So usually what we do is, is the Mini Nerve where it's, you know, sort of bonus content. It runs about 20 minutes. Not this weekend. Okay. This weekend we're giving you a special mix up mashup of like the best of the Nerve so far. You know, three distinct segments that, you know, maybe you missed an episode or you didn't hear a certain thing. You know, we had a little technical glitch on Wednesday and the episode went up later. Blame the French. Okay, just blame the French. But you know, that episode is up now and you guys will have this to hopefully hold you over. So here it is, our very first full edition of the Nerve on a weekend. Enjoy. We are going to talk about Eladia Baldwin. I can't roll my Rs. I used to be able to. I had like six years of Spanish. I lost it all. Like they say you will if you don't speak it all the time. So this bilingual thing she's using is her latest excuse. Doesn't really hold water, but we'll get into that. So she is now on a book tour. She wrote this book that I will show you. I saved you time, I saved you money. But I am going to bring you some real entertainment with this one. As we know, the Baldwin's reality show has been an epic failure, not just in terms of ratings but like reputationally. Like nobody wanted to watch it. Everybody saw it for what it was like an attempt for Alec and his fame hoary, hungry wife looking to rehab their reputations after alec shot a 42 year old cinematographer named Helena Hutchinson accidentally Fatally on the set of Rust, leaving her husband left to raise their young son alone. And. But you know what? Russ came out this week, too, because, you know, we all have to see Alec fucking Baldwin's, like, brilliance on the screen. I would have had that movie burned. Or, like, I don't even think they use actual film anymore, do they? However they shot it, I would have burned it. Okay, so Hilaria is now out on her book tour and she's talking about many, many things. You know, nobody's really asking about the Spanish thing. I would. I would. You know, I would give. I'd give, like, an organ you can do without. Or, like, even just, like, you know, I give an appendix maybe. Like, I would undergo surgery to have a moment to sit down with Hilaria and really bring some questions that America would like answers to. Okay? So she goes on the Today show and she's asked about the Rust shooting, and she says, quote, sometimes bad things happen. Okay? Sometimes a bad thing happens. Like, a bad thing happening is like you get a parking ticket when you thought you were, like, in the clear. Okay? A bad thing is like, your Amazon package didn't come on time. Okay? This verbiage does not rise to the level of a young woman, a young wife and mother losing her life. Okay? So right away, I mean, again, like, it's not happening. I hope Hilaria is enjoying this moment in the sun, because I do think we are well and truly done with her. Now I'm going to show you the book. It's called Manual Not Included. And again, like, this book is smaller than the Let them theory. And we talked about the physical size of the let them theory as being so small. It's like the publisher is trying to trick you like that this is an actual book. This thing is really tiny and it's really slim. Okay? It's like, I think there's like six chapters in here. Six. Okay? That for me, was like a chapter book when I was, like, in the fifth grade. Okay, so this is already insulting. Now look at the narcissism as well, because we've got Hilaria and Alec on the COVID And this is a trick I learned in magazines. It's not like a trick, but it's an insight. When I used to work at magazines, when you look at something, be it like a layout or a book cover, the eye naturally wants to go left first. So guess who's the star on the left of this cover? It's Hilaria Baldwin. Okay, not for nothing, there's a shit Ton of photos inside this book. And typically when an author is on the COVID of their book, usually a celebrity's face will be on the COVID of their memoir. This is not that. Trust me. You will not see an author photo because, like, it's deemed a little too much. It's deemed a little tasteless. Okay, guess who also has an author photo. Like, she's made up. She's, you know, she's, she's giving her best Zoolander. Okay, so she starts out with this story. She's out there humiliating Alec Baldwin now. Okay, now he got something in on their reality show. And before I get into her vile, I think, disclosure of something that is, I'm sure, very sensitive and personal to Alec Baldwin. And trust me, I don't feel, feel sympathy for Alec Baldwin, but I don't like bullies. Alec in a confessional on their reality show sort of lets the mask slip a little bit. Like, watch this. I just said I wasn't. I don't really want to think about the end by the beginning. And then you're like, yeah, let's talk slower.
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Co-Host
You're speaking English in a Spanish cadence, which is always perilous for me.
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Host
Slow down. Just a kiss.
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Co-Host
I can't understand you.
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Host
You guys, I died. Like, I am levitating over, over my body and I am looking down at myself and saying, did I really see and hear what I just saw and heard? Alec Baldwin as she's going, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Again, this is a white woman from Boston who told America. And then Alec went on all manner of late night talk shows and repeated this, clearly believing it that his wife was Spanish from Spain. Okay, it's not that she, like, pretends like she's got this Spanish accent when she's not. It's like she told us she came over here from Spain and much like Meghan Markle, she had no idea. Like, Alec Baldwin. I don't, I don't. What do I want to do with, like, a famous, rich celebrity? I don't. Whatever. So. And by the way, Alec Baldwin, say what you will about him, he is a smart guy. And the way he strung that sentence together and if you notice the contempt, he doesn't even make eye contact with her. He's looking down and away and, and he's got his arm up as if to say, like, don't even get near me, lady. Okay, so, you know, I really went above and beyond for you guys because I didn't just get the book. I also got the audiobook because I wanted to hear the, you know, what was, what we all know was going to come. She's going to slip into that fucking Spanish accent when she's narrating her piece of shit book. So listen to this. One of the fascinating things about living in Public figurelandia is that you can be known as two totally opposite things at the exact same time. Okay? One of the curious things about living in Public Figure Landia, okay, so she's got that like Enye over the end where you sort of like, she's like, she's doing it, she's like rolling right into the Spanish, you know, and she's like, you know what happens when you become a public figure? As if she wasn't velcroed to Alec Baldwin's arm at every award ceremony until she landed this big fish. As if she wasn't spending pre Covid time on her social media as she's like churning out child after child. Like, trust me, I grew up in like an Irish Catholic neighborhood. Like I know families who like had seven to 12 kids. And it was like every year there was like another kid showing up, you know, who wound up parenting those kids. It really wasn't the parents, it was like the older kids, okay? So she's, she's got all of these kids who need all of this attention and a husband who's got an anger problem. And she's busy posting videos of, and photos of herself contorting her body into highly sexualized yoga poses while she's barely wearing anything. And she says, you know what happens to you passive language when you become passive language? A member of what she calls like this carnival, you know, this amusement park known as Public figurelandia that she was bound and determined to insert herself into and become famous. Though she lacks any kind of talent or any kind of actual thing to, to say or to share with us. Like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. I mean, there's stories in this book of her running for her life from the paparazzi. You know, this is a woman who like, she dresses up to go out and go get coffee in New York. You know, she and Alec live in a very, very nice building. I'm sure they have an espresso maker. I'm sure they have like a $12,000 Breville coffee maker. But she's gotta pull on like skin tight leather pants and like hat and like big sunglasses and trot herself out in front of the paparazzi and be like, look at me. Oh, don't look at me, but look at me. Okay? So I did not listen to the whole audiobook because, you know, I am not a masochist, and I know you wouldn't want me to suffer, but there was a moment almost 20 minutes in where she talks about how she identifies, and I almost spit my coffee out. Listen to this. I very much identify as a Capricorn. I am very caring, and I want to make sure you feel good. Okay? She very much identifies as a Capricorn. Listen, I like astrology as much as the next person, but, you know, in today's world, when people say I identify as, it's typically like, non binary. You know, I'm transgender. I'm gender fluid. Like, I identify as a Capricorn. Like, okay, we know the intellect is like, it's. We're at a. Like, okay. And my. And she basically says, like, my love language is. You know, I'm paraphrasing, but it's caring. I mean, I'm sorry, I think your love language is Spanglish. And as far as that, at wanting to make sure that other people feel good, you know, the implication being she puts everybody else last. Sorry, I slipped it up. What I meant. That's what I meant. But, like, she's basically implying, like, she puts everybody else first and then she puts herself last, which we all know. Bunch of bullshit. Okay, so she. In this book, you know, the ground has shifted at Casa Baldwin. And once upon a time, Alec had the power because Alec was the super famous, well respected, wealthy movie star with like, a $30 million house in the Hamptons and, you know, a multi million dollar duplex apartment in Manhattan. And we also have heard he allegedly has a separate unit in that building that he uses solely for himself, it is off limits to the other members of his family. But now that Alec escaped by the skin of his teeth from those charges in the shooting of Helena Hutchins in New Mexico, so the case can never be brought again. So he's in the free and clear. But he spent so much money on his defense, and he was unemployable during that time, and he's really kind of unemployable now. He was just fired, I think, from the match game. I mean, the parlance is like, we didn't renew his contract. That's code for they fired him. They replaced him with Martin Short. Like, another one I wish would kind of take a step back. But anyway, so the ground has shifted now because, like, Alec has no leverage. Hilaria has all the leverage. Okay? He cannot divorce her. There was a radar online report the other day that had Alec expressing so much unhappiness and, like, contemplating leaving the marriage. But I don't think he ever really can. It's cheaper to keep her. He can't afford divorce attorneys. He can't afford palimony for, like, seven, eight, nine kids. However many kids they have. He can't afford, you know, to be supporting Hilaria and all those kids, you know, like, to the. In the manner to which they've become accustomed. So he's stuck, okay? So that's Alec Baldwin's karma. That's his punishment. I think it's kind of the same as prison, you know, But. So she is now taking this moment to humiliate Alec, because I think she's got a lot of rage for him, just like Michelle has rage for Barack, just like Meghan has rage for Harry. The men are the stars. These women are nothing without them, okay? They have tried and failed at many ventures, and they are nothing without these marriages to these guys who actually have talent. So what is Hilaria gonna do? But she's gonna make him fucking pay in the pages of a book and on red carpets, where she berates him for daring to speak while she's about to, like, utter some. Some piece of shit that we all need to hear. Okay, so she's talking about in this book, okay? We're on page 22. So it's like we're moving kind of at the speed of light. And she has just moved in with Alec. They're going to get married. She knows it's coming, by the way. She says she doesn't even want a ring. And then he sends her to Cartier with some friends, and she's like, you know what? I was like, give me a big fucking ring, okay? So he has her come move in, and he says to her, my house is your house. I want you to make it your own. I want you to. To feel comfortable. And she says, okay, well, what I'd really like to do is start cleaning up, because she tells us, like, he's a hoarder. And you guys, did I not say this, like, the last show or the show before that? That, like, my theory was that they're hoarders. They hoard children, they hoard animals, they hoard staff. Like, they hoard. But in this version of events, it's Alec who's the hoarder, and it's Hilaria, always Asylum H. Remember? Who's the sane one? And so she says she got to the house again, a $30 million house in Amagan. In the Hamptons. And she was like, oh, my God, like, he has all of this food that's expired. And she says in the book, quote, it's on page 21, like for a decade or almost two. Okay, that is a disturbed person. If you have food that's 20 years. I mean, you're talking about an episode of Hoarders on A and E. So she says to him, I'm going to tackle the pantry. I'm going to clean this thing out. And he says, okay, but I do have some rules. I compost, which is, you know, like a rich person's way of saying, like, I just put it in the ground or I put it in some soil, and I think it's going to, like, fertilize. And it really. Amateurs can never do it. But she says that not only had she never heard of composting before, I guess because they don't do it in Spain, that really what he said to her is like, you need to take each item outside one by one, and you need to deposit said food in my grass. So she. She writes, as you might imagine, the smell of expired food is bad. I had to open all these cans and jars and walk outside with each individual one and pour it out, then rinse it all and recycle it properly. Then she tells us, I'm not a big drinker, which I always think anybody who says that is, like, they probably are. And she says, particularly in the daytime. Again, that qualifier says to me. So she probably is. But in an attempt to deal with the stench, I opened a bottle of wine that afternoon. Sure, that's going to help. That's going to help with some oncoming nausea. Most people would be like, let me slug some Pepto or have some ginger ale and some saltines. But she's drinking wine, which is, you know, highly acidic, but okay. I spent the day reading expiration dates, opening cans and jars, and then emptying. And she said this already. Emptying and rinsing them and then drinking. I don't know if alcohol helped, but Alec comes home, she's cleared all the shelves. There's only three remaining products. Quote, I wasn't prepared for how upset this made him, and I didn't understand him well enough to grasp that this was his OCD manifesting. So now she's brought his OCD up, as she did on that show. Again, that's a humiliation. Okay, she goes on, he's very particular about his things, and sometimes he kind of hoards stuff. And every, you know, she says he has. He He's a hoarder. She's telling us this, like, sorry, this is not your story to tell. It's your husband, but it's not your story to tell. Okay? So now she tells us another story. And really, this does make Alec look terrible. And I do think he's a terrible guy, but, like, your children will read this one day, okay? Or they will download the audiobook and be like, why is mommy speaking with this Spanish accent again? Okay, so she's going into labor with their son, Rafa, and she mentions that she's, like, in agony in the lobby of their apartment building. And she's trying to get Alex attention because, you know, they. They're. They're. This is the. The. The few. The few of. The few times that the. The nannies, the maids, the drivers, the assistants, the doormen will come to be mentioned. You know, otherwise we pretend we're doing it all ourselves. And so she says that she's dying to get into a vehicle and be driven post haste to the hospital. Now, Alex, she says, was taking calls and responding to emails like he's rolling calls, like he's like a super producer, like nothing else matters while his wife is in labor. And she says, like, she's. She's being coy here. She's. She's not being an honest broker. Now, I know that it was his way of dealing with stress, but at the time, it really pissed me off and I didn't hesitate to tell him. So she's so unimpressed that her husband is rich and famous, she can. She can take him down. Our driver and assistant spoke up, Alec. They said this needs to wait. Okay? So Rafa is born and he comes out and, like, the umbilical cord is wrapped around her. His neck, she tells us. And he's blue and he's gasping and. And he's fine. You know, this does happen. He is fine. I mean, she tells a very highly dramatic story about this, but that he needed to go to the nicu. Okay? The baby needed to go. The infant, the newborn needed to go to the nicu. She writes, Alec had to return to work because of his role in a play in the Hamptons. Okay? I can promise you this. Alec Baldwin wasn't doing Broadway. He didn't have a contract. And even if he did have a contract, like, I am sure he had an out clause that if his wife or soon to be born child had a medical emergency, the understudy could come in. Okay? But in this telling of the story, Alec has to go back out to The Hamptons. He has to drive. And if this is the summer, which it is, it's June 17th. Okay? It's after Labor Day. I can tell you firsthand, you're looking at a three hour drive one way. If you're lucky, it can go as long as four. But Alec has to go back out to the Hamptons where he's in some shitty play. And trust me there, the theaters out there are small, okay? You're holding maybe a few hundred people. So he's got to do. And we don't even know the name of this play. That's how we know it's for shit. And so she's got to deal with a sick baby in the nicu. She says, I fumed that my husband. Husband wasn't by my side as she takes the baby home from the NICU three days later in an Uber. An Uber. I mean, she's trash like the rest of us now. And fumed that my husband wasn't by my side while also knowing that contractually he had no choice. If he truly contractually had no choice. He needs a better entertainment lawyer. Okay, now the other thing I'm going to show you about this book, which, my friends, you're going to die. There are lots of like, family photos in here, loving photos in here. There is a two page spread of this monstrosity. Okay, These are all thumbnail sketches because Hilaria clearly couldn't pick just one or two to highlight of her doing sexualized yoga poses in often inopportune, inappropriate places with barely nothing on. So she's barely. Here's what she's saying to us. My interpretation of this little artwork. I'm a freak in the sheets. And that's how I got Alec Baldwin to marry me. Okay, before we wrap this up, never forget this generation's the Pruder moment. Here it is, just for you, a very few ingredients. We have tomatoes. We have. How do you say anything? Cucumber. Cucumber, Cucumbers. How you say cucumber? Laria. How do you say adios?
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Summer is coming right to your door with target circle 360. Get all the season go to's delivered just when you want them. Snacks, towels and even pillows get it all delivered the same day with Target Circle360 restrictions apply. I'm wearing my devil horns again today for you guys. Okay? I know that they are divisive. Some of you love them, some of you, they annoy you. But I. I like them, and I think that they're appropriate for what we are about to do, which is we are going to take apart the Instagram accounts of three celebrities. Well, okay, I'll say two are celebrities and one is kind of a prominent author, but she's verified on social media, so I guess that counts. All right. Okay. Okay. So we are going to begin with one of my favorite within girls, Lena Dunham. Okay. Now, she really hasn't done anything big since her HBO show Girls went off the air, you know, and that was like, a buzzy coastal phenomenon. I don't really know if it translated to middle America. I don't really know what it did in view in ratings because HBO doesn't release that stuff. So we just sort of know her for being foisted upon us by Judd Apatow. And her parents, rich and famous art world friends, and I believe her mother and father are neighbors with Meryl Streep, like, in Connecticut. They're very wealthy people. They have, like, a big, like, loft downtown in downtown New York City in Tribeca, which is one of the most expensive places you could live here. And then they have this house in Connecticut and whatever. Okay, so Lena has been, I think, working out a lot of stuff on her Instagram account. Okay. Now, she just turned 39 when she was in her Girls, like, the height of her fame there. You know, Anna Wintour put her in Vogue. She may have been on the COVID I don't recall. But, you know, Lena had to lose a lot of weight, and she started posting, like, photos and reels of her training with her personal trainer and, you know, getting herself into shape and how she loved it and how empowering it was. She's all the words. Okay, well, she has since become morbidly obese. And I mean, like, medically morbidly obese. She is far too young for this. And what she's doing is posting images of herself, photos and reels on Instagram all the time. And this is exactly what she used to do on Girls, right? She would get naked on that show and engage in, like, you know, weird, sometimes degrading sexual acts. And she has tattoos, like, all over her body. And, like, listen, tattoo yourself all you want, but get good tattoos. These tattoos are so ugly. Like, it's like she's trying to make herself as ugly as possible. I think there are a lot of issues going on up there. And as morbidly obese as possible. I'm just gonna say it. And then she shoves her body in our faces and very much like Oprah, then yells it us for not wanting to see this. Okay? This is evolutionary stuff. We. We want to see nice things. Okay, so take a look at one of Lena's most recent reels. Okay? Here she is among pigs, cuddling a pig stuffed into a bathing suit at a place she tells us, is Pig Island. And that is where she's vacationing. And it's not a joke. I think there's a real pig Island. I've never heard of this. Okay, now I'm gonna give you a little primer on why I hate Lena Dunham. And I mean, I hate her. I fucking hate her. Okay? According to her own self report, she sexually violated her little sister at least twice. And she memorialized it all in her ghost written memoir. I have it on good authority she got a ghostwriter for that book. It was called not that Kind of Girl, and it became a huge bestseller. She was rumored to have gotten like an enormous payday for it, like something like $12 million. Okay. She wrote about shoving pebbles in her little sister's vagina. I wrote a column about this like a while ago about her. I wrote it in 2017. She also said in her book she wrote this about her little sister Grace. Basically she wrote, quote, anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl. I was trying. She wrote about this is Me. In the column. She wrote about masturbating in bed next to Grace and that she'd once pulled apart Grace's legs to find. Oh, she found pebbles up there. Whatever. Okay? So that's who we're dealing with now. Lena's sister Grace. And I think that Lena's sister had a lot of trouble getting attention in that family. Okay. The father is like an utre outsider artist whose work is extremely sexually explicit and kind of perverse. It's like perverse. Like, I think he would agree. And it's. It makes me wonder what went on in that house, frankly. Okay. Her mother is like a lesser known artist, but she, her medium is like dollhouses. Okay. Like, again, like, wonder what's going on in that house. Lena has, like, she's a talented writer as far as we can tell. Like, she's got an original mind and she's smart and she's letting herself become really sick. Like that kind of obesity comes with a ton of comorbidities okay? So Lena's sister has to get attention somehow. So what does she do? I'm sure you can guess in 2019, she came out as trans. Now, but if you're a member of the Dunham family, the story Dunhams of New York City, you write about this quote unquote journey in the pages of the New Yorker, okay? David Remnick, also another star fucker. I don't understand why these people like Jesse Eisenberg getting bylines in the New Yorker. Lena. Whatever, okay? Now also in my sort of. If I'm a prosecutor and I'm telling you why Lena Dunham should be ejected from polite society, this woman in that book, not that kind of girl. Falsely accused and easily identifiable male. Oberman, Oberlin, sorry, classmate of rape, okay? He was called Barry. Everybody figured out who Barry was. He was getting in trouble at his job. She had to fucking retract that shit. Accusing somebody falsely of rape on top of sexually violating your little sister. I mean, we are dealing with a very sick person here, in my opinion. Now, she will not be stopped, okay? There is no humiliation she can suffer, no sort of, you know, punishment that the culture can mete out that will stop Lena Dunham from being Lena Dunham. So next, a young woman who is not just any young woman, but she was the daughter of an actor named Harold. I believe you pronounce his name Perrineau. And if you know this guy, I believe he was on the wire. He, I think, was definitely on Oz. Very well respected actor. So that's his daughter. And she accused a guy named Murray Miller, who was a writer on Girls, of raping her. Now, what does the great feminist Lena Dunham do with her girls collaborator, Jenny Connor? They write an open letter saying that this young woman who is accusing their writer of raping her was lying. Okay? The woman who lied about an Oberlin classmate being a rapist is now telling a woman who was raped, that I believe was raped that she's lying. Okay? Now, I went to go pull that open letter up for you guys, but guess what? It has been scrubbed from the Internet, okay? And I'm going to quote a little bit from that letter because I did quote from it in this column. I guess I had the foresight. So this was how the letter begins, or how it went in part. While our first instinct is to listen to every woman's story, our insider knowledge of Murray's situation makes us confident that, sadly, this accusation is one of the 3% of assault cases that are misreported every year. Fuck Lena Dunham, okay? And the worst of all, the worst, she gave away her rescue dog, okay? You treat animals like they're just objects to be disposed of, you're dead to me, okay? Now then Lena, Lena's karma began, sort of like coming back around because she seemed to get simultaneously dumped by Taylor Swift. Now when Taylor Swift was girl squatting at all over America circa this era, like 2017, and she was bringing out all her leggy supermodels on stage during her tours, I mean, to what end? I have no idea. Like if I'm paying to go see a rock show or a pop concert, like, I don't care who you, I don't want to see you bring out a line of your friends so I can what, applaud at like this, this, this like string of objects you've collected. Like, oh my God, Gigi Hadid's on stage. Like, why is she Hadid on stage with you? Anyway, so she would bring them out and then at the tail at the end, at the end of like the frame, it would be like dumpy little Lena Dunham, like homely little Lena Dunham. So Taylor was like definitely knifing her. Now that was, I'm sure, because Taylor's longtime producer and collaborator, Jack Antonoff was dating Lena at the time. And I always kind of side eyed that because Jack Antonoff came up in like pretty exclusive New York City like circles. And you know what? His date to the prom is? Freaking Scarlett Johansson. Okay? So I was like, Jack is probably really working his way up the music industry by having to frankly sleep with Lena Dunham. And the guy paid his dues, okay? He paid his fucking dues. But Jack dumped Lena. And not long after that, very fairly soon after, he married Andy McDowell's actress daughter, the young gorgeous actress Margaret Qualley, who most recently starred in the Substance. And they had this big fancy wedding and who was like a guest of honor. Taylor fucking Swift. Okay? So Lena seemed to go way downhill, like immediately, like the downhill slide. It was hard, it was fast. She became what we're seeing at right now. And she's trying to provoke yet another reaction, any reaction that she can get. And I mean, I guess in a way she succeeded, but I think it's a pyrrhic victory. And by the way, the little cherry on this Sunday is her production company. You'll never guess what she called it. Good thing. She thinks she's got a good thing going. Okay, now our second person celebrity. This is the chef I was talking about. It wasn't until, you know, I was doing my real diligent reading for you guys, by which I mean, I was leafing through the tabloids and I came upon this item that I said, that's right. So Rachael Ray, the chef who kind of really doubled down during lockdown and was like, making all these videos, all this content from her home has, like, disappeared. Like, she's vanished. And according to this report, she and her husband John, who according to long ago tabloid reports, had a real problem with allegedly. He was a very frequent flyer at, like, New York's, you know, most underground S and M clubs. And he liked some practices that, you know, they're gross. They're gross. I won't. I won't. But anyway, they're still together. Apparently. She really loves him. And you know, what's a little S and M among friends, but she and he have reportedly relocated to Italy. And everybody's like, where's Rachael Ray? Like, she had an empire at one time, right? She had a talk show, I believe she had the blessing of Martha Stewart, which is really hard to get. She had a magazine. She had this kind of empire, and she was very relatable. While Rachael Ray has resurfaced on Instagram, and, you guys, things are not well. Okay? Take a look at this. It is burger time. And I named this burger after my.
- [34:18]
Co-Host
Friends in Weezer and Green Day.
- [34:20]
Host
But the first big event I had been to in two years or more was hello, Mega. My friend Mike Dirt named that tour. He's in Green Day. So tonight we're making hella Mexa Su burgers. Okay, she seems drunk. I'm just gonna say it. She seems fucking plastered. Okay, that. And that looks like day drinking to me. Okay. She has gained an amount of weight that does not seem healthy. And she's doubling down. I don't know what a Sweeza burger is, but I do know that she's name dropping in this video and when people name drop, it makes me very uncomfortable because it makes me think that they are really. It actually tells me that they are really deeply insecure. And you could be famous and be really insecure. A lot of famous people are. And so, like, you're telling me that I should think highly of you based not because of what you bring to the table as a person, but because of, like, who you know, I don't give a shit who you know. I don't know them. They could be shitty people. You know, fucking Dave Grohl cheated on his wife, had a. Had a lengthy Relationship with what seems to be a quote, unquote, groupie. I mean, they say she's a music fan. I guess groupie is no longer politically correct and had a baby with her. Okay? He's not a great guy. Okay? Not a great guy. Anyway, lastly, and this is this. I've been dying to get to this with you because this woman is one of my BET noirs, okay? Her name is Jessica Knowles. She is a writer. She writes books and she writes novels and, you know, they do well and they sell in their commercial and good for her. Make your money. Okay? Make your name. But she has a very, very, very, very high opinion of herself. And I was scrolling through her Instagram and we're gonna go through some of this together. She wrote a book famously called Luckiest Girl Alive. And it was turned, I believe, again during COVID into a Netflix film with Mila Kunis, who's married to, I think Ashton Kutcher is shaking in his boots right now as Diddy's on trial. Just my opinion. And this movie was based on Jessica's novel, which was, I believe, her debut and came out in, well, I forget what year. But this is an email that she wrote to her agent or editor. It looks like her agent in 2013. And if you look at the email I'm reading from my phone, she writes, these are her first lines, okay? Here are the first 66 pages of the next great American novel. Okay? I'm going to tell you that any writer worth their salt shits themselves when they have to send their rough draft, their first pass out to anybody to look at. I don't care who it is. It's your agent, it's your editor. It's like your best friend who you know is going to take it to their grave. Because Stephen King will say this. Every great writer has said this. Ernest Hemingway has said this. Your first draft is for shit, okay? It is going to suck. It is going to be so painful to look at. And this asshole is going, I've just written the 66 pages of the next great American novel. You're not gonna believe fucking reading here. It also reminds me of Gillian Flynn, who wrote Gone Girl. And that I think was published by back in 2012. And, you know, it became this runaway sensation. Sometimes you have lightning in a bottle. You hit a moment in the culture, a nerve, if you will. She has yet to write another book. Okay? She's written some screenplays, but she has yet to write another book. And I think she is terrified to write another book because it probably will never replicate the success of Gone Girl. So she's kind of a coward. But she does these interviews and I wanted to like her because she used to be like a reporter at Entertainment Weekly, you know, grinding it out in her day job. And she seemed like a cool person. But she gives these interviews and she's talking about this book that has yet to materialize lo these many years later. And she'll say shit like, I have the best first line that has ever been written in the English fucking language. Like, I'm not exaggerating. And she says that stuff. And I'm like, you know what? You're an asshole. And you're not that great of a writer because really good writers think that they, they suck. Okay, the next in this Jessica Knoll scroll is a screenshot that she took and posted of her piece in the New York Times that she wrote after Luckiest Girl Alive, which is about a young woman who comes to New York City to reinvent herself in the media world. But the secret that she's hiding was that she had survived a group sexual assault as a, I believe, a high school or college girl. And in her essay for the New York Times, she revealed that that was based on her own experience. Now, as I said on the Friday show, anytime I drop my cynicism about celebrities, it comes back to bite me. Okay? So I, I'm not going to say it. We're simpatico, right? We understand each other. So here she's writing about the caption as she's celebrating the 10 year anniversary of this most consequential book she writes in her Instagram post. Okay. One year later, on the eve of my paperback publication, I wrote an essay for the New York Times. Oh, no, sorry. I wrote an essay for Lena Dunham's newsletter claiming the sexual assault at the center of my fiction debut as my own. I think that's interesting language. I'm just saying now she said. So the New York Times picked it up. I could not believe this made mainstream news today. Show the New York Times. Perez Hilton. Question mark, exclamation point, exclamation point. Like, Perez Hilton is the guy who got famous for his Internet gossip blog where he would take a photo of a celebrity and draw a childish picture of like a penis going into their mouth. But she's fucking thrilled that Perez Hilton picked this up. My story was my ghost. The book was my exorcism. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then, okay, then. Lena Dunham. The following email is Lena Dunham. An email from Lena to Jessica Noel that reads forget J Law, meaning Jennifer Lawrence. It's Jess Law now in all caps. And then underneath that is this email that Jessica sent to Lena. Now she explains Jessica in this, in this Facebook scroll. The Lena Dunham email is informing me that my essay, my capital M, capital Y be Jennifer Lawrence's essay in page views. Okay? My essay about my group sexual assault and deep abiding trauma. Fuck you, Jayla. I beat your fucking essay in page views. Are we fucking sick or what? Okay, next we go to the coda, the final post in Jessica Knowles carousel. This looks like what I believe is her child which she had via surrogate. And like the craziest people on social media, you know, these women who have babies via surrogate, which like I'm all for. Okay? I. It is. You want a baby, you get a baby. However you have to do it. Like all for it. There are women who have the surrogate give birth and then they get in a hospital gown and they put like a hospital ID wrist on and they crawl into the hospital bed with the baby as if they're the ones who gave birth. Jessica Knowles did that. Okay? That's when I knew like this woman's well and truly like divorced from, from reality. Anyway, the final thing. Look at this, you guys, look at this. This is what could be her child I think is. But anyway, it is a. Looks like a two year old kissing the movie poster for Luckiest Girl Alive. Again, if this is her child, she is kissing the movie poster. That is the fictionalized version of the gang rape that Jessica Knowles says she survived as a young woman. Okay, I truly don't know what the this is. You know, actually I do know. This is like hey you guys, I'm rich and famous and everybody needs to see how great I'm doing. And you know, I, I can't even. But she. And I'm really smart, right? Because I'm really successful, so I much must be really smart. But she is doing this with her kid. I, I don't, I don't get it. I. Okay, that's it. That's it. That's all for today. I gave you everything I had. I got a parachute out. Summer is coming right to your door with target circle 360 get all the season go to's delivered just when you want them Snacks, towels and even pillows get it all delivered the same day With Target Circle360 restrictions apply the essential Mango coconut freeze. It makes its appearance at the dinner party right when the night could go either way between nice evening and legendary. Served in eight perfect stoneware bowls to the sounds of circa 1950 bossa nova seconds. A good debate and an impromptu round of never have I ever follow. It's gonna be a late one. The essential evening extender made possible with Vitamix. The next thing we need to talk about Caitlin Clark, okay, the WNBA phenom last weekend. Now, I don't really follow the wnba. I used to follow the Knicks. We'll get to the Knicks in a minute. But Caitlin Clark once again on the court is aggressed. I kind of love this word aggressed by Angel Reese. Caitlin is white. She is a once in a J. She's the biggest star the league has ever seen in its 29 year history. LeBron James will tell you as much. Ain't no party like a Diddy party. But he also loves Caitlyn, okay? And you know, Tom Brady is a fan. She's got fans all over. Like the creme de la creme is a Caitlyn are fans of Caitlin Clark, not Angel Reese, who is a black player, same age, came out of the NCAA at the same time. And Angel Reese hates Caitlin Clark. Let's take a look at this footage from last Saturday's game three. And look out. Caitlin Clark pushes Angel Reese. And Angel Reese gets right up into.
- [45:02]
Co-Host
Caitlin Clark afterwards has something to say as Clark walks away.
- [45:10]
Host
Now, Bill, talk to us about what's going on vis a vis Caitlin, Angel Reese and the WNBA's utter refusal to deal with the harassment, aggression and frankly, the attempts to injure Caitlin Clark to the point that her career will be over by many, frankly, a black player.
- [45:31]
Co-Host
So to go back to last year, to the first year in the league, Caitlin Clark came out, you know, both together, but she came out with, with all the media attention. She was the spotlight because of the way she played in college. And she's really redefined the game much in the way that Steph Curry did to the wn to the NBA. The three.
- [45:52]
Host
He's another big fan of hers, right?
- [45:54]
Co-Host
It's just changed the game and, and Caitlin Clark is doing things out there that no one really has been able to do in the wnba. I mean, she hits three pointers from the logo, you know, close to the half court. Just plays a beautiful, fluid game. There's a jealousy aspect that's clear with Angel Reese. I mean, there's a play last year where Angel Reese, Caitlin Clark's going up for a layup and Angel Reese comes in from the side and clotheslines are just knocks her right to the Ground with full arm, elbow right to the side of Caitlin Clark's head. You could see there's, there's, there's a dislike, you know, I mean, we know.
- [46:40]
Host
It, we know it now. I mean, Dave Portnoy came out and said angel hates her and not in a basketball way.
- [46:46]
Co-Host
I need to interrupt you one second.
- [46:48]
Host
Okay?
- [46:49]
Co-Host
Fuck Dave Portnoy for what he said about my Knicks. Sorry, go back.
- [46:53]
Host
Well, listen, your Knicks are breaking your heart. I tried to watch, I tried to stick it out through the game knowing I was gonna talk to you. And you know, what did they do? They blew it. In the overtime. They had a huge lead and they blew it. And it's like going back to a toxic ex. Everybody who's in it with the Knicks. But to this point, we were talking about the Knicks and Caitlin and Angel Reese. And you know, I was saying, so Spike Lee, who's been like a decades long fixture in celebrity row, courtside at Knicks games, maybe he's mellowed, I don't know. But Spike Lee, there was never a racially charged incident that he did not love to insert himself into. And he's awfully quiet about this. I don't think he thinks that Caitlin Clark is the problem here is what I'm saying.
- [47:36]
Co-Host
No, and you know what? I don't even know that this is a racially charged issue between the players. It's a competitive.
- [47:44]
Host
I'm not saying it is, but I'm. The WNBA's refusal to take this seriously, this sustained harassment of their star player, okay, they said they're opening an investigation in the aftermath of that game, in that incident into racism against Angel Reese. Are you kidding me?
- [48:02]
Co-Host
I think there's two different things that play there. Number one, listen, there's, there's a racism problem, of course, in the country. And I think, you know, from, from the time we were younger, it, it's improved, but there's still work to be done. Of course, I've been to games there. You listen to athletes all over that. They say, you know, they, they've heard horrible slurs being, being said that Boston is one city that's famous for. It's a problem. And I have no doubt that Angel Reese has heard those slurs out there in the court. That has zero to do with Caitlin Clark. The WNBA from last year. Caitlin Clark has been abused, fouled, chronically hard fouls, flagrant fouls. And it was more of what seemed to be a rite of passage. Right? She's coming out of college, she's this hotshot, she's getting more attention in that league than every other player combined. And she had to take her beating through the league. Towards the end of last year, it started to, you know, it started to subside a little bit where it was, okay, she's taking a beating. She never really said anything about it, and she just moved on. And I think that earned her a lot of respect through the league. Where Angel Reese has gone wrong is less. After that play last week, she's being interviewed and she said, ref got it right. Move on. Nothing to talk about.
- [49:31]
Host
Well, she also posted something to Tick tock saying white girl trying to fade. Something like that.
- [49:37]
Co-Host
Yeah, I, I, Once you put white girl in it, it changes the entire conversation. Right? It, it puts the racial aspect of, of the whole.
- [49:48]
Host
Well, I think that's Angel Reese telling us that that's her problem with Caitlin Clark. I think that that's, that's what she's telling us. And you said something really, I thought brilliant the other night because you love to go to Knicks games. I mean, you're sitting them out because these are expensively ridiculous, but ridiculously expensive. But, you know, at Knicks games, it's like, you know, and New Yorkers are like, you know, very confrontational people. But when you go to a Knicks game, it's like everyone of every different race, socioeconomic, whatever, they're shoulder to shoulder at these games.
- [50:21]
Co-Host
Yeah, I mean, sports is one of, you know, it's supposed to bring us together, right? You go outside of the Garden during these games, you have all walks of life. You have every race, religion, you know, creed. Everyone's standing there shoulder to shoulder. They're cheering on one team, everybody together. Years ago, when, when I, when I would run some races with New York Roadrunners, I look around me and it was the United nations out there. You know, it's, and it's, it's everybody moving together, cheering each other on. And that, that's what sports supposed to be about. It's supposed to be a distraction from the everyday struggles of life. No one wants to see this in there. Everyone wants to watch a game. We love a good rivalry. I would love to watch injuries and Caitlin Clark go at it the old way that Larry Bird, Magic Johnson did. Those two hated each other. They played hard against each other. They wanted to destroy each other every game. But that's what it was. It was just competitive nature. Each wanted to beat the other. It wasn't, you know, it could be shut down. This could be shut down so easily by Angel Reese, by just coming out and Saying this is a racial. I just want to beat her. I want to be the best and everyone.
- [51:38]
Host
That's not what it is. It's jealousy because Caitlin's a star and angel will never be a star. And Caitlyn is beloved BY like the 1% of athletes in any sport, and angel is not. And you see this a lot in tennis too. Like, you know those, those like one on one sports where it's like the rivalries go very deep. Like Chrissy Everett had one. I forget, I forget. Who was it? Martina, her antagonist. And like John McEnroe. And I think it was beyond Borg. And then later in life, they become great friends. They become incredible because they're the only people who know what that was like. And I love those stories. Okay, I have a little bit of time left with you for our mini nerve. I have two people I want to get to you about. Travis Kelce, Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is busy burning her friendship with Blake Lively to the ground right now, making sure that we all know she. She wishes they had never met. And I'm sure is the subject of the forthcoming album. Travis Kelce, who seems to be on like, get your shit together orders from his organization. I don't even know who he plays for. This is how out of the loop I am with sports. But he has dropped a ton of weight. I bet you he's on the jab. Just my opinion. He has a terrible new haircut. He's got some facial hair and he was just recently photographed. His back waxing is not going well. I mean, it looks like it's. It looks like, it looks like a westernmost state, like a Nevada. Nevada or something on his back in hair form. What, Bill, what's going on there? And how often do. How many men do you think do you have to get their backs waxed?
- [53:21]
Co-Host
First of all, I wish two of them would just go away. Nobody wants. No one wants to watch football for Taylor Swift. No. No one wants to see the Chiefs on all the time in primetime games so we could see Taylor Swift in attendance. Travis Kelce, you know, he lost the step last year. He's getting older and it happens to all great athletes. But we don't want to see him get the Chiefs. Keep running them out there. Just let him go. Go off into the darkness. And please, for the love of God, don't walk around with your shirt off with your back half waxed.
- [53:51]
Host
What kind of esthetician is he going to. His girlfriend is a billionaire. Get someone in your house to do it and invest in a full length mirror and you know, check that stuff out.
- [54:02]
Co-Host
I don't know. I mean, the only thing I can think is the back, the top of his back might have been so hairy that it like overtook the collar of his shirt and he looked like a caveman. So he did half of it. So it didn't look that bad. And then forgot. I don't know.
- [54:18]
Host
I don't know, maybe, maybe it's too painful for him. Maybe the big tough quarterback, you know, we women, we get waxed within an inch of our lives and I'll tell you, it's painful and we are tough. Okay, maybe he can't take it, you know. Okay, my last celebrity I want to go in on you with is she's going to become part of our lives. I'm telling you right now, it's Violet Affleck, the college age daughter of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, who recently wrote a college paper. I believe she's at Harvard. She's at Harvard or Yale. And it was about, I guess it was in some way class inequality. So her story in her academic paper was that she had a fight with her mother for putting them all in a five star hotel in Beverly Hills. I believe I have the geography right. While LA burned to the ground. And she said her issue with her mother was that this felt like a very corporatist, materialistic move. To which I say, well, kid, if you want to go outside and like rough it in the, in the LA wildfires, go right ahead. Please give me your thoughts.
- [55:30]
Co-Host
So this comes from a kid that grew up in California who currently goes to Yale on the east coast, right?
- [55:40]
Host
Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah.
- [55:41]
Co-Host
So I mean, we take planes back and forth across the country. I'm sure there, you know, she's not flying coach, she's in a private jet. So it's very, you know, Leonardo DiCaprio. Right. You know, do as they say, not as I do when it comes to terms of the environment. You know, I'm going to take the charters and, you know, private planes and yachts. But the rest of you should listen to me when it comes to the environment. Like I can't listen to this nonsense from kids. And seriously, as parents, like you know, your kids out there making an idiot of themselves. Stop it. But just let it, you know, tell them stay away from the camera, not put this nonsense out there.
- [56:19]
Host
Apparently they tried this. I don't know if we talked about this when it happened like six months ago maybe. Violet Affleck spoke at like a community board hearing. In Los Angeles, masked up, still wearing the mask, saying she wanted to mandate mask wearing in that community. And apparently, you know, Ben and Jen later somehow leaked that they did not agree with it and didn't want her to do that. And I just think we're looking at a manifestation. I mean, talk about white privilege, you know, a phrase I hate. But, like, literally, your mother and father have banded together, as we know. JLO was throwing, you know, glassware across her $65 million mansion when Ben went to scoop her up, but scooped them up and probably took them to the Beverly Hills Hotel. I mean, are Ben Affleck and Jen Garner gonna stay in a Holiday Inn? I think not. Okay. Does Violet Affleck really want to stay in a Holiday Inn? I think not. But she. She has the temerity to say, I told my mother this is wrong. We should not be staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel where I can get an $80 McCarthy salad or go down to the diner and get a milkshake whipped up post haste. This is wrong. And we should be with poor people. I don't. What? What?
- [57:38]
Co-Host
Yeah, I mean, and the other part of it is, like, you're putting this out there in the universe for everybody to see to. You know, I don't. I don't know, like, as parents, you know, what you said about, you know, them leaking it out, that they tried to stop her from going to the community event. Messed up. I mean, I don't know how, as a parent, you. You. You leaked out about your kid. Like, you defend your kid till the end of the earth, right? Right or wrong, you defend them in public, and you. You. You know, you. You educate them in private. And then for her to do this, like, it really must be something special going on in that home, that. That they are throwing each other under the bus publicly in this manner. It just baffles me. Absolutely.
- [58:21]
Host
I. I couldn't agree with you more. I can't wait for the memoir that one of these three children will inevitably write. I remain fascinated by Ben Affleck and a fan, but, you know, his kid is of age now and she's making noise and she wants to be noticed, and it's up for public discussion. Discussion. There's no putting that genie back in that bottle. Oh, my God. That was amazing. That was amazing. I hope you agree, and I hope that we will see you back at the Nerve on Tuesday, where you will never guess what we are about to say next. When summer vacation calls, it matters where you stay. And Hilton and SiriusXM are teaming up.
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To bring you the music that matters to you too.
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Because this summer, check in to select.
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Hilton Luxury Business and extended stay properties and press play on your perfect getaway.
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With free in room access to SiriusXM. Get the ultimate summer soundtrack with ad.
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Free music plus podcasts, talk shows, sports and more. Stay closer to your favorite artists and.
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Hosts when you stay at your favorite Hilton Hilton for the stay summer is coming right to your door with target circle 360. Get all the season go to's delivered just when you want them. Snacks, towels and even pillows. Get it all delivered the same day with Target Circle 360 restrictions apply.