The Nerve's OSCARS Livestream

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Nerve's OSCARS Livestream

Podcast: The Nerve with Maureen Callahan
Host: MK Media
Episode: The Nerve's OSCARS Livestream
Airdate: March 16, 2026
Panelists: Maureen Callahan (Host), Teddy Van Halen (Co-host), Rob Shooter (Celebrity Reporter), Kinsey Schofield (Pop Culture Commentator)

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Episode Overview

The Nerve’s first-ever Oscars livestream brings together a sharp, irreverent panel to dissect the 2026 Academy Awards with equal parts snark, pop culture insight, Hollywood gossip, and biting commentary. The episode focuses on red carpet analysis, frontrunner drama (especially around Timothée Chalamet), Hollywood’s obsession with legacy and image, plastic surgery, and media influence. The hosts pull no punches, offering a brutally honest—and often hilarious—take on Oscars night, celebrity behavior, fashion wins and fails, industry politics, and the relentless churn of fame.
Tone: Outspoken, clever, unapologetically gossipy, with moments of heartfelt Hollywood nostalgia.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Timothée Chalamet – The Fall of a Frontrunner

• Red Carpet Snub: Early discussion on whether Chalamet would walk the red carpet due to growing controversy around his behavior and recent comments.
  • “I was told an hour ago the decision was made that he'd probably go in through the side door. He might surprise us.” (Rob Shooter, 02:49)
• Reputation Damage: Panelists dissect how Chalamet’s arrogance, avoidance of awards season rituals, and a damaging interview (dismissing ballet and opera) tanked his chances.
  • “The arrogance and the fact that he did not turn up at the events...he was not there at the Oscar breakfast, at the luncheon. And that—you have to play, you have to show that you feel honored.” (Teddy, 05:52)
  • “That comment told me it's all a lie.” (Rob, 06:47)
• Industry Response: Increasing alienation from both the Academy and Hollywood peers is a running theme, especially compared to “actor’s actors” like Ethan Hawke.
  • “He would never, ever be arrogant enough to talk about the art of acting the way Timothy does.” (Rob, 16:09)
• Relationship Optics: Chalamet’s high-profile pairing with Kylie Jenner is parsed for its PR value and real emotional distance.
  • “She's leaning into him. He's leaning away...He is dying right now. He is dying.” (Teddy, 56:41)
  • “If he doesn't win, that's gonna be a very awkward night when they turn up together at that [Vanity Fair] party.” (Rob, 24:34)

2. Red Carpet Fashion—Best and Worst Dressed

• Major Looks Analyzed:
  • Gwyneth Paltrow: Praised for her minimalist Carolyn Bessette-inspired gown.
    • “This is a Carolyn Bessette Kennedy look. 100%. Absolutely.” (Teddy, 21:45)
  • Nicole Kidman: “She looks like a movie star. She looks like an Avatar.” (Rob, 30:33)
  • Kylie Jenner: Criticized for overshadowing Chalamet and posting her look online—seen as narcissistic and calculated.
    • “Did she really have to post that?” (Rob, 26:19)
    • “Malignant narcissists. Like, there's just no...dealing with them.” (Teddy, 26:25)
  • Teyana Taylor & Jessie Buckley: The group generally panned their fashion and questioned industry hype.
    • “A mess. A mess. A mess. Oh, it's a mess. Has Chanel lost their mind?” (Teddy & Rob, 55:36–55:43)
• Nepo Babies & Industry Plant Frustration: Kate Hudson’s nomination discussed in context of strong parental campaigning; Blake Lively also mentioned as trying to juggle too many self-promotional projects.
  • “If you've got that cannon behind you, it's gonna help...” (Rob, 38:58)

3. Entertainment Industry Satire & Critique

• Oscars Ceremony: Hosts deride the staid broadcast, the interminable monologue, and the Academy’s attempts to go viral.
  • “Let me tell you what we want at the Oscars. We want awards. Cut to the chase—like, it's eternal foreplay.” (Rob, 46:40)
  • “Any viral moment that you have to create never goes viral.” (Rob, 77:53)
• Marketing & Campaigning: Praise for Harvey Weinstein’s now-infamous Oscar campaign inventions, with acknowledgment of his negative legacy.
  • “He invented the parties. He invented the schmear campaigns...Hardy came along and changed the game.” (Rob, 18:32–19:08)
• Celebrity Plastic Surgery: A recurring, gleefully critical thread. Meg Ryan, Jim Carrey (“dead or CIA plant” rumors), Bradley Cooper, and Demi Moore all dissected.
  • “Don’t be the first to get it [facelift]. Don't be the first to buy a Tesla.” (Rob, 69:04; Teddy, 69:11)
  • “Major. And the stars that had surgery in the late 80s and the 90s, it was all about cutting and pulling, and you can't reverse it.” (Rob, 67:13)

4. The State of Celebrity and Pop Culture

• Changing Media Landscape: The disconnect between legacy magazines like Time, and what current culture actually cares about.
  • “It tells you magazines really are dead in the sense that, like, how irrelevant and disconnected are you?” (Kinsey, 32:05)
• Social Media’s Role: The hosts lament the influencer takeover of major events (“Chicken Shop Girl on the carpet,” 10:57) and the pressure to trend versus focusing on substance.
  • “Why are we talking about the end of Outer Banks on the red carpet at the Oscars?” (Kinsey, 11:22)
• Generational Disconnect: Praising old-school stars for their mystique (Nicole Kidman, Robert Redford), with palpable cynicism about new celebrities.
  • “I love celebrities gossiping. But she won't. She's never told us about her marriage with Tom Cruise.” (Rob, 30:55)
  • “Hollywood is a group of masochists. But really, do we need another one?” (Kinsey, 26:52)

5. Memorable Off-the-Cuff Moments & Riffs

• Award for Inanimate Object: The show invents categories: “Best Performance by an Inanimate Object”—won by Meghan Markle’s Netflix career, shredded in the “wood chipper.” (61:15–63:03)
• Vicious (But Playful) Jabs:
  • On Chalamet: “We have no shortage of poop on this set, okay? ...Be the one who makes a splash.” (Teddy, 03:39)
  • On Leo: “His transformation into Jack Nicholson...Leo, pull yourself back from the brink, man. You're the last one we've got.” (Teddy, 21:09)
  • On plastic surgery: “Meg Ryan was our sweetheart. Now she draws comparisons to, like, the Joker.” (Teddy, 67:46)
  • On Anna Wintour: “She can't read the teleprompter here.” (Rob, 78:28)

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• On Timothée Chalamet’s Chances:

  • “Honestly, a week ago, two weeks ago, this was his award...it's on the edge now. It might not happen.” (Rob Shooter, 04:18)

• On Celebrity PR Games:

  • “If you don't win, you're not automatically nominated. So wouldn't it be delicious if she [Kylie] gets in and he [Chalamet] doesn't? I know that would never happen.” (Rob Shooter, 60:04)

• On Nepotism in Hollywood:

  • “Goldie is Hollywood royalty...Her mom and dad are still working it. Somebody tell Goldie the voting's over. Goldie, go home.” (Rob Shooter, 39:19)

• On Arrogance in Young Stars:

  • “But he is a great actor. That comment told me it's all a lie.” (Rob Shooter, 06:47)

• On Industry’s Ghoulish Aspects:

  • “Only the Oscars would have as its host the person who last presided over a holiday party in which one of the guests went home to slaughter his parents.” (Teddy, 07:24)

• On Meg Ryan:

  • “She paid money to look like that. Paid a lot of money.” (Rob Shooter, 67:13)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• [02:45–06:47]: Chalamet's Red Carpet avoidance and backlash
• [09:07–10:19]: Robert Redford’s legacy, tribute rumors, and Barbra Streisand anecdote
• [12:00–19:55]: Red carpet fashion breakdown (Kylie Jenner, Demi Moore, Teyana Taylor, Ethan Hawke)
• [28:01–34:45]: Plastic surgery, DNA and babies (Kardashian/Jenner stories), “teabagging” explanations (with much laughter)
• [38:54–40:23]: Kate Hudson, Nepo babies, and awards show strategy
• [43:08–44:51]: Demi Moore’s new look and commentary on the dark side of plastic surgery
• [46:40–48:06]: Critique of drawn-out Oscars ceremony, viral moments, and show pacing
• [61:15–63:03]: “Best performance by an inanimate object” (winner: Meghan Markle’s Netflix career, wood chipper bit)
• [67:06–69:04]: “Worst career-ending plastic surgery” nominees (Meg Ryan, Jim Carrey, others)
• [75:01–76:09]: Live Oscar snark—antics with Conan O'Brien, roasting Chalamet (ass paddle gag)
• [78:13–80:23]: Anna Wintour/Anne Hathaway co-presentation, pop culture impact of The Devil Wears Prada
• [86:29]: Sign-off and signature closing: “Fuck it, Timothy. Fuck off.” (Teddy & Kinsey)

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Quick Panel Rundown

• Maureen Callahan: Keeps the conversation trenchant and tightly focused on cultural analysis.
• Teddy Van Halen: Injects dark humor, relentless snark, and pop culture history. Master of withering commentary.
• Rob Shooter: Provides industry gossip, deep celebrity insight, and PR backstory.
• Kinsey Schofield: Brings relatable millennial perspective and firsthand pop culture anecdotes.

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Final Thoughts

The episode captures the cynicism and spectacle of Oscar night in 2026 through the lens of pop culture obsessives who are equal parts insiders and outsiders. With its fast-paced repartee and gleeful take-downs, the livestream is as much about skewering Hollywood’s pretensions as it is about celebrating (and mourning) the elusive ideal of the “true movie star.”
Essential listening for anyone who prefers their awards coverage with a side of biting humor and fearless honesty.

Transcript

[Rob Shooter]

The discipline and the work ethic I'm bringing to these things, I don't want people to take for granted. I don't want to take for granted. This is really some top level shit

[Teddy Van Halen]

of real talk about fake people. Joining us on set in studio, our favorite celebrity reporter, gossip reporter extraordinaire, Rob Shooter. Subscribe to his substack Naughty But Nice. His book It's Started with a Whisper is available for pre order now. We've also got Kinsey Schofield all the way from la, just for the nerves, Oscar coverage, host of the Must subscribe, Kinsey Schofield, unfiltered. And of course, my co host, Teddy Van Halen, the real star in his best tuxedo. Tonight's livestream. Before we get to it, we have an opening that we must get to first. Let's do it. Oh, Marlene's telling me she can't. Okay, so tonight's livestream is sponsored by Zebiotics Pre Alcohol. This is a great product to have handy on an evening like tonight. Timothee Chalamet should have really availed himself because I think he's going to be drinking his sorrows away. Okay, if you're watching, if you're having an Oscars watch party or just watching us, you may want to have a drink but hesitate because you think, what's gonna happen to me tomorrow? I don't bounce back like I used to have. Zebiotic before you go out drinking responsibly and the next day you will feel not a thing. Now, before we get started, I would like to acknowledge. Who am I acknowledging? Stephen Graham. Say we have not given up. Oh, Stedman. It's Stedman Graham. I'm like Steven Graham. Am I talking about adolescence right now? Stedman, we are keeping you at the forefront of our mind and each of us have in front of us a little. I don't have my pin.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yours is behind your computer.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, thank you. I have my live stream going. We have our Stedman Jim Curtis butterfly pins which we are wearing to just make sure. Well, Teddy, why don't you wear mine for now. I have a lot of pearls on my top. Okay, so. So we're wearing our In Memoriam Stedman pins. We will never, never give up the search for his remains. Okay, Kinsey and Rob, how are you guys feeling tonight? And by the way, Rob has some intel on Timothay Shyamalama Ding Dong, who it seems is not walking the red carpet tonight. Talk to us, Rob, coming straight from

[Rob Shooter]

la, so keep calling me, everybody on that red Carpet.

[Teddy Van Halen]

The.

[Rob Shooter]

There's been talks all day about whether or not he should walk the red carpet tonight. I was told an hour ago the decision was made that he'd probably go in through the side door. He might surprise us. I think we've got another 20 minutes or so. But this is the reason he's going to get asked about all the silly things he said on all the comments, and he just doesn't want to talk about it. Also, too, the Oscars is the worst red carpet of the season because the celebrities don't want to do it and they don't have to do it because all the voting is over now. Award season's over. So all those other carpets, the SAG Awards and the Golden Globes, they put on a show. And so it's much more fun to be on that carpet tonight. They have a little bit of an attitude. Like, tonight, if you notice people, they're not going to be sparkling quite as bright. And it's because they think now that the voting's in and they don't need to do it. So, Timothy, I don't think we're going to see him on the carpet.

[Teddy Van Halen]

You know, I would like to think that there would be an entertainment journalist who would have the guts to ask him, hey, Timothy, do you really think you're capable of top level shit? We have no shortage of poop on this set, okay? And this little guy says, positive poo. In a world full of turds, be the one who makes a splash, okay? I mean, Teddy makes smaller poops than that, but, you know, I just don't think anybody really would have the guts to ask him. But I gotta say, I gotta say we think that the Nerve has been moving the culture because this guy's chances are in the past 10 days went from like a sure thing to he really might go home empty handed.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, it's really there. Honestly, a week ago, two weeks ago, this was his award. And I love you, Maureen. I love doing your show, but I was like, we're gonna have to talk about an Oscar winner in two or three weeks. It's on the edge now. It might not happen.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It might not happen. I mean, I recall telling the troublemakers in A Nerve not too long ago that we all just had to brace for it, that it was going to be an inevitability. We were going to live in a world where we would hear the words, timothy Shyamalan, ding dong Oscar winner, but we might actually have a reprieve. Kinsey, your thoughts on this?

[Kinsey Schofield]

I mean, my concern Is that the interview that really, I think heard him regarding the ballet and the, the opera singers where he said, like, I don't, I don't. I'm glad I'm not in this and industry that nobody cares about. That was published on March 5 and that's when the Oscar voting stopped. So I think if they were annoyed with the campaign in general where he leaks the fake marketing strategy on, on Zoom, and if they're annoyed with that in general, I think that he won't win. But if we're betting on him losing, based on recent comments, I think we might have missed the mark. I don't know. He's annoying too.

[Rob Shooter]

He is annoying. I felt about a week before that comment when the voting was still happening. The tide turned. Something happened. I blame you, Maureen.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Something, something flame or credit Tomato Zomato. Know what I'm saying?

[Rob Shooter]

And so something was happening. And the arrogance and the fact that he did not turn up at the events, he was not there at the

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oscar breakfast at the luncheon. Right. And that you have to play, you have to show that you feel honored, that this is a thing that really matters to you.

[Rob Shooter]

And I think of all people, Chelsea Handler, who often says really cutting but truthful things, said that the way he talks about the awards and being an actor, it's so off putting and would never, ever hear Leonardo DiCaprio talk like this.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Never.

[Rob Shooter]

It's just a different way. And I think when she called him out, a light bulb went off. And I think we all said, she's right. There's something really not quite, quite there. So I think his youth, I don't think Daytona Kardashian Jenner has helped.

[Teddy Van Halen]

No arrogance.

[Rob Shooter]

And then that comment confirmed what we all feared. I was still a little on the fence with him. I could have gone either way.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Right.

[Rob Shooter]

And I thought, you know, maybe he's just young and silly and. But he is a great actor. That comment told me it's all a lie.

[Teddy Van Halen]

But what, what did it for me too was watching the actor awards and seeing Michael B. Jordan pull off what seemed like an upset. That's actors voting for askers. Sorry, Actors voting for actors. Not only did he win, that room gave him a standing ovation, which I thought was an F you to Timothy. And then after he made that remark about the ballet and opera, even though his mother and sister, I believe maybe grandmother, have danced in the ballet, but the Oscars then immediately invited the retired prima ballerina from the New York City Ballet, Misty Copeland.

[Rob Shooter]

She's there tonight.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She's on the red carpet, which is another F you to Timothy. She's gonna be performing. So, I mean, this whole. This is the big question that's gonna hang over the night, this end. What kind of a tribute do they do to Rob Reiner? Because I would like to say that what I find, like, kind of, you know, we talk a lot about this sort of more ghoulish aspect of Hollywood, the sadistic aspect of Hollywood, the darker one. Only. Only the Oscars would have as its host the person who last presided over a holiday party in which one of the guests went home to slaughter his parents in a bloody rage. And was asked at the party reportedly, hey, I think we should call the cops. This guy's freaking everybody out. And that host said no. And who's presiding over the Oscars tonight? Conan o'. Brien.

[Kinsey Schofield]

So wild. Better than Jimmy Kimmel, though. Will I just say that? I know he. I know Jimmy Kimmel's going to be there presenting something, but I'm so over Kimmel. Also, can we have a girl moment?

[Rob Shooter]

Yes, that'd be great.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Do I have a little lipstick?

[Rob Shooter]

It's so interesting you say that, because I think the takeaway that many people have is that Rob and Michelle were at his house the night before, but also Nick was there, the alleged murderer. That's what I mean.

[Teddy Van Halen]

That's what I mean.

[Rob Shooter]

You know, it's so easy to talk about Rob and Michelle's last night, but if we talk about that, we've also got to talk about potentially there's a murderer that was at that party.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And for him to do tonight everywhere,

[Rob Shooter]

and for him to do it, I think I would have had to drop out or I don't know how they're going to handle this. There's also another big tribute we know that's going to happen, which is Robert Redford.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And is it going to be big? That, to me, is another question we keep hearing. The reports were Barbra Streisand was going to sing the Way We Were. It was going to be. I mean, we lost so many greats this year. Diane Keaton, Brigitte Pardo. But, you know, Robert Redford occupies a very special place. I don't mean to ignore Val. I mean, Kinsey's Ride or die for Val. But. But Robert Redford, who gave so much, was a true. This is a dying figure in the culture. A movie star founded Sundance. I'm gonna tell you, 90% of the people in that room up for Oscars would not be there without Robert Redford. And the Sundance Institute just Saying, yeah, yeah.

[Rob Shooter]

He wasn't just a great actor, he was a great filmmaker. He loved the art of filmmaking. He gave back. He's a real, real hero. And I, I think there'll be a big tribute tonight. The question is, will Barbara sing? I'm told that it could go either way. That she's Barbara.

[Kinsey Schofield]

She's 84.

[Rob Shooter]

She's 84. And she's difficult. On a good day.

[Teddy Van Halen]

On a good day, can you imagine

[Rob Shooter]

what it's like to have. You don't just call up Barbara and say, do you want to sing? You have to do hair and makeup and the lighting and the directing. You know, she's tortured them all week.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Fun fact. Do you remember when she directed the Prince of Tides with Nick Anolte and she played his psychotherapist? And the nails, everybody was like, no therapist would have. Like, they were coffin nails. And then like the, the lens was smeared in Vaseline and she's like Mariah Carey. She can only be shot from one side. So it's like, to your point, Rob, it's like, do you want to sing? Well, do they want her to sing? Because it's going to be like two weeks of lighting and filters and camera angles. Like, she's, She's a lot.

[Kinsey Schofield]

She's a lot demo. Like, Rob and I were talking, they got the Chicken Shop Girl on the, The ABC official carpet has the Chicken

[Teddy Van Halen]

Shop Girl, where you go explain that

[Kinsey Schofield]

she's a, she's a podcaster and a YouTuber. And the, the, the gig is that you go on a date with her and you eat chicken. And so, like, that's Barbara, unfortunately, and I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, it ain't the demo, right? So it's either, like, you're going to. And I'm seeing so many influencers and like, why are we talking about the end of Outer Banks on the red carpet at the Oscars? Like, they're clearly pursuing the younger demo, but at the same time, if we're really talking about Hollywood icons, we're not going to have very many opportunities to throw Barb on the stage in the future. So, like, take advantage of this.

[Rob Shooter]

Like the Liza Minnelli Lady Gaga, they team them up, don't they? I think that's a good idea to pull out one of the old time legend stars and team them up with, with a, with a younger star.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Tik Toky was unpunished because Liza, in her memo just talked a bunch of about Lady Gaga and how they made her look like an infirm, like, crazy lady. All meds up.

[Rob Shooter]

Like, blamed Gaga for this.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah. I mean, it. Blamed the academy. Blame the producers. All right, let's take a look at some of the stars who have alighted on the red carpet or what are passing from. Actually, the first one we're going to look at is not on the red carpet. Rob and Kinsey and I were just talking about this. But she did post an image to social media. It's Kylie Jenner, who clearly is going to be Timothy's date for the evening. We're waiting to see if we've got Kylie. Okay. In the meantime, let's take a look at Demi Moore. Okay. We should be able to see Demi.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Let's hope she's had a sandwich.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I mean. Yeah, I don't know. How are we doing with our looks?

[Kinsey Schofield]

I see only an older picture of Demi right now.

[Rob Shooter]

We'll find her. We'll find her.

[Teddy Van Halen]

We'll find her. We're watching them come in now as we talk. And we're looking right now at Teyana Taylor, who's another one who. I think as we wait for Demi. Rob, talk to me about Teyana Taylor's.

[Rob Shooter]

It's her. I mean, like, she's exploded this year. This is her moment. The movie has made her, I think, a much bigger star. People that didn't know her really before, a lot of people were not that familiar with her work. She's really, really popped on this, and I think she's kept it real. She's sexy, she's fun, she's young. And I think that this year set her up for great success. It's always difficult, isn't it? Because when you have a really good year, you gotta have another good year. And so now the question is, is what is she gonna. What is she gonna do next? And so it's make or break moment. I think, for her.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I'm having a feeling, much like I did about the one who won for Anora last year, Mikey Madison. What has she done since then? We haven't seen her in anything.

[Rob Shooter]

I know. Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And she was all over the place last awards season. So I have a. I have a feel like there's something. Tiana, to me, is the female version of Timothy in that it feels very graspy. It feels like she needs this too much. It's too desperate. We're looking. Ethan Hawke is on the red carpet. Ethan's playing the game. Silver Fox, New Yorker Ethan Hawke. Like, this guy, he's not gonna win tonight. And it's such A shame he's getting robbed. I think he had the best male performance of the year in Blue Moon, hands down.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And he's been. He's changed his page position when it comes to talking about politics. And that felt strangely like a pursuit of a trophy. Glory to me because he's in the past been very outspoken about politics.

[Rob Shooter]

This.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, yeah, he's kept his mouth shut. He has.

[Rob Shooter]

This for me was the performance of the year. I know we're talking about Michael B. Jordan a lot and Timothy. However, for me, it's Ethan's award. He's not going to win, but he should win. And I think that he's a real actor. The sources that I have that are real actors, they love him. He's an actor's actor. Is that the word I'm trying to look for? He's an actor's actor. And look at him, too. He's so dapper and he's fashion forward. And I think he's there to have a good night. He knows it's not gonna be his night to win, but he's one of those people that I think just being nominated really is enough because he's back in the conversation. We're talking about him.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Remember at the BAFTAs when he lost? I'm so sorry that I don't know the guy's name that won, but the guy that won got up there and was like, Ethan Hawke came and spoke to my class. The camera goes to Ethan Hawke, and he looks like he's gonna sob. And then you can see he looks around him and he goes, that's better than winning. So when you talk about being an actor's actor, you know, he is. He has such a pure heart. I'd tongue kiss him in a heartbeat. I know he prefers the nannies or whatever.

[Teddy Van Halen]

You missed your window in 90s New York, say, wish I had, but.

[Kinsey Schofield]

But, yeah, I love him, too.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah, he's the best. And, you know, I was just talking to our dp, Dave. We were talking movies a little bit before we went live. And I was saying that Ethan Hawke in First Reformed is a performance for the ages as well. He's the real deal.

[Rob Shooter]

He's the real deal. You know, he's probably not the most easy guy. I'm sure he's a pain in the bottom like Sean Penn is. But they are real actors. They make what Timothy's doing look like amateur hour. And he would never, ever be arrogant enough to talk about the art of acting the way Timothy does. And he's got the right to Talk about it. If anybody should be talking about acting, it should be him. And he's not.

[Teddy Van Halen]

You know what Ethan does talk about a lot, which I, which I really enjoy as a creative person. He just talks about the arts.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, he does.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And he talks about it in a very down to earth, relatable way in what the arts offer us all and what they give us all when they're done. Right. He seems to have a real sense of proportion about what he does for a living. Again, unlike, you know, now, Sean Penn, who I would love if we're going to show our the nerve, has two of our own nominees tonight, two of our own categories. Okay. And we'll get to Sean in a moment. But he, he's in one battle after another. The key scene involving Sean Penn. I'm not making this up. It's not hyperbole for, for, for laughs. He gets a gun rammed up his ass during sex.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, my God.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, Kinsey, I'm sorry. Kinsey. Kinsey is like the, she's, she's one of the sweetest, most wholesome. Like if a, if a curse word slips out of her mouth, she's like, oh, my God, oh my God, oh my God. But Kinsey, this. I take it you didn't see the movie. I take it you didn't see the movie.

[Rob Shooter]

This, this ass work might win him another Oscar. I think he's got two already. He's probably going to win tonight. I think this is going to be his third Oscar. He does disappear, though, into characters. Like, he looks so unbelievable.

[Kinsey Schofield]

So are you saying he's method and there was a gun actually in his B hole?

[Teddy Van Halen]

Because that is, you know, I was, we were trying to figure out the make and model of the gun because then you want it, you want to figure out the width of the barrel and like the amount of lubrication probably needed. But I mean, I have to because this is the film that's going to win. If it's not Sinners, it's gonna be One Battle after another is Best Picture. I think that Paul Thomas Anderson, director of One Battle After Another is a lock for best director. And you know, by the way, not for nothing, but we just read the lamentations of one Harvey Weinstein in the Hollywood Reporter, you know, days before the Oscars. But what do you think? Like, he was a genius when it came to marketing movies.

[Rob Shooter]

He invented this. He invented this campaign. There was no something. You know, people schmoozed and they wanted the awards. Harvey came along and invented the art of campaigning. It didn't exist. He invented the parties. He invented the schmear campaigns. Like he was out there saying mean things about other films. He was the first one that came along with independent type movies and started to win before the Oscars were always blockbuster type movies. The Gone with the Winds, the Cleopatras, the Ben Hurs.

[Teddy Van Halen]

These were the epics.

[Rob Shooter]

The epics.

[Teddy Van Halen]

The epics.

[Rob Shooter]

And Hardy came along and changed the game.

[Teddy Van Halen]

He made the smaller movies, the ones of high value.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Well, I kind of resent that. I miss when it was like, I mean.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, I do too.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I'm sorry. But Tom Cruise should have one, right?

[Rob Shooter]

Tom Cruise should have an Oscar.

[Teddy Van Halen]

He should have an Oscar.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Tom Cruise.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Tom Cruise, who Steven Spielberg said after Covid, when Top Gun hit theater, said you saved the movie industry single handedly. He did.

[Rob Shooter]

He did.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Is that Timothy? We need to get Timothy up on screen asap. Marlena. Asap. He is there. He is all in white. He does not. He looks. He looks tempered by which I mean, he looks like he thinks he has a shot not to win. Let's get him up as soon as we humanly can. I have lost my earpiece, by the way.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I have to tell you guys.

[Teddy Van Halen]

My earpiece.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I'm. I'm glad that he didn't shave his face for the Oscars because I shaved my face tonight.

[Teddy Van Halen]

So at least one Kinsey. At least one.

[Rob Shooter]

It's shocking. There he is on the carpet. This is a good call, I think. I don't think he's going to do any interviews. I will predict he'll just do photographs and walk in. I hear. Who's that there? Is that.

[Kinsey Schofield]

It looks like Josh Groban.

[Rob Shooter]

Josh Groban, I hear.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Okay, what's a backup? Yeah, we've got troublemaker feedback. Timothy Chalamet. I hate him. Yes, Tom Cruise should have an Oscar. Can you show the stars? Yes, we are working on it. We're having technical difficulties. Something is in retrograde. Retrograde until the 21st.

[Kinsey Schofield]

It is until the 21st.

[Teddy Van Halen]

We are having like. People were having trouble getting into the studio. It's wild. Okay, my IFB is back on. Okay. Timothy brought his inflatable doll. You guys are savage. Fix the sound.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, my gosh. He's wearing sunglasses at night. Inside. Timothy is.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, my God. He's wearing. He's. He's swaggering around in sunglasses.

[Rob Shooter]

So he's posed.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, Leo's in sunglasses too. Oh, Leo's. His transformation into Jack Nicholson like a gone to seed pot bellied sleazy sleaze. Jack Nicholson. Leo, pull yourself back from the brink, man. You're the last one we've got. You're the last real movie star we've got. He's gotta do it for the rest of us.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And stay off TikTok because that's also a way to know that you're not a movie star.

[Rob Shooter]

Timothy's a shock. I'm glad he's there. He does look though, Maureen. You are right. He does look a little nervous.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Gwen looks unreal. Gwyneth looks amazing.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Gwyneth is in white as well. You know what this is? We need to see these. We're waiting for our tech team to get these looks on camera. I apologize to the troublemakers. I really do. We're working very hard, Gwyneth, right now. This is a Carolyn Bessette Kennedy Look. 100% Absolutely what she's doing. It looks like a white silky. It's very evocative of 90s Calvin Klein minimalism. She's got the hair straight, straight parted down the middle. That. That icy blonde. Like she got a touch up. Gwyneth Paltrow. Marlena, we want Timothy and we want Gwyneth. Tell me when they're coming in.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I also think that she's recreating a little bit her Ralph Lauren pink look though. Right. Remember when she did the pink. The pink dress that Ralph Lauren made.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yes. But did not fit her properly.

[Rob Shooter]

Yes, I think you're right. I think that it's a real Karen in pursuit set look. And we were talking about Leo. You don't want to be Jack Nicholson. You want to be Carolyn Bessette. Like if you're going to pick somebody.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, look, it's a chicken shop girl choice.

[Rob Shooter]

That's a good choice. Here they are.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah, there's Gwyneth in the bottom screen again. Going to get her up as soon as possible.

[Rob Shooter]

And that dress is fitted within an inch of its life. Look at the fit on it. Gwyneth's had issues in the past with fit.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She has.

[Rob Shooter]

That looks great. Right?

[Kinsey Schofield]

Jason Bateman.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Heathen Jason Bateman, who I believe has one of the worst hair pieces in the industry. Yeah. A 50 something year old man does not have hair that thick right on the top of his head. I just. Oh, Anna, Anna.

[Rob Shooter]

It has sunglasses too.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I want to see Anna as well. Okay, wait, we're having sound issues. Some people are saying they can't hear the panel.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, what's true?

[Teddy Van Halen]

Troublemakers. You're having trouble hearing us.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Sorry, I sound very delicate in real life.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, okay. So definitely move that mic in A little bit. Rob, a troublemaker, says your hair needs an Oscar. They are having trouble hearing Kinsey and Rob.

[Rob Shooter]

We shall move in. We can lean in.

[Kinsey Schofield]

We'll lean in, and we'll kiss. I'm just kidding. Like Harry Styles.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Let's get another mic in here, please. Okay. Timothy is coming up very soon. Any minute. Marlena, I see his feet.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, there he is.

[Teddy Van Halen]

He's coming in.

[Rob Shooter]

It's a good tease. Just.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Okay, let's get the camera up, guys. Okay. There he is. He looks like a giant marshmallow.

[Rob Shooter]

He does. Does. And you have to remember this is a historic night. When you get dressed for the Oscars, you think, is this the outfit I'm gonna be winning an Oscar in?

[Teddy Van Halen]

You absolutely think that. It's an image that you hope forever will. Exactly. Exactly.

[Rob Shooter]

So he's decided that if he wins tonight, that's how he wants to.

[Teddy Van Halen]

To be remembered in a bedsheet.

[Rob Shooter]

It's his choice, but I just think that that tells you a lot about who he is, too, and it's fascinating. I don't know how I'd feel if I was Kylie Jenner, who's clearly been told, you're going through the side door tonight. I'm not walking in with you. And arguably, he could do it tonight. The voting's over. She's not gonna offend anybody. If he turned up with Kylie Jenner. It's gonna be a little tricky later on in the evening, too, because it's Vanity Fair's big party, and he's gonna have to go with Kylie, who's almost the host, because she's. She's on the COVID of Vanity Fair this month. Right. And so she's almost the unofficial host. And if he doesn't win, that's gonna be a very awkward night. When they turn up together at that party, he might go home.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Marlena, can we see Kylie, please? Yeah, we need to be, because Kylie. We want Kylie in the red. We're seeing her right here.

[Rob Shooter]

Oh, yeah, right. So she posted this on her social media as a tease. She knew she wasn't going to be invited to the red carpet. She knew she wasn't doing that. And instead of just turning up and sitting down in her seat, she put out her own image. So she clearly wants the.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Waiting for it to come up. We're not seeing it here. Are you guys seeing that? There we go. There we go. That's what she posted.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Dirty pillows.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Okay, there she is.

[Kinsey Schofield]

You motorboat. And Son of a bitch. That's all I have to say.

[Teddy Van Halen]

See this is the one of the weirdest pairings to me, first of all. So he's all in white.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She looks. She's all in this shiny red. It looks like there's going to be color transfer the minute she, like, goes to embrace him and he's going to like, you know what I mean?

[Rob Shooter]

It's like putting a sock in the washing machine with your.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Wow.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Exactly.

[Rob Shooter]

One of those red socks in my washing.

[Teddy Van Halen]

We're done with Kylie. She can go now.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Good versus evil, though.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Like, well, like naughty and siren.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Naughty and ice.

[Rob Shooter]

Do you think that, though, she could have let him have his moment and not posted that? Did she really have to post that?

[Teddy Van Halen]

She did.

[Rob Shooter]

She did.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Malignant narcissists. Like, there's just no, there's no dealing with them. Malignant narcissist.

[Rob Shooter]

They're both nursing.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It's her night. It's a coronation for her. Right. Because getting the COVID of Vanity Fair, she's like, she's like, now I'm embraced by Hollywood. I'm going to be at my boyfriend is going to be potentially the best

[Kinsey Schofield]

actor tonight where she says she's gonna become an actress.

[Rob Shooter]

What?

[Teddy Van Halen]

Well, Kim's already there and it's awful. It's awful.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Hollywood is a group of masochists. But really, do we need another one?

[Teddy Van Halen]

No, we don't. But it's like the other thing I'll say about Kylie and Timothy before we get to Gwyneth, who is hopefully on the way. Marlena, telling me she's on the way. I just said to. I said, I said to rob that like on my deathbed, I'll be yelling, marlena, Marlena, just fix one more thing. Marlena. She just said to me, she's already dead right now with all of our technical issues. But Kylie Jenner looks like a blow up sex doll.

[Rob Shooter]

She does.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She looks like a.

[Rob Shooter]

And she wants to look like a blow up. That's what she shot. Those body parts she wants.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She got a head transplant.

[Rob Shooter]

She didn't fall out of bed looking like that. She tried really hard to look like that.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Right.

[Rob Shooter]

That's what she decided.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Do you remember when she told us she hadn't had her lips done and then proceeded to slip sell a lip kit so that we could all line our lips like her? And then she's like, just kidding. I had my lips done.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Well, it's just like her sister Kendall. I grew into my nose. Go look at Kendall's original face. There's no resemblance to the current face.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I seriously considered taking that acne medicine. I was like, well, maybe I could shrink my nose, too.

[Rob Shooter]

I worked for Ashlee Simpson for a while, and it's when she had her nose dropped and she wouldn't admit it.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Wait, wait, who?

[Rob Shooter]

Ashley Simpson.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Ashley Simpson.

[Teddy Van Halen]

When you.

[Rob Shooter]

I worked with Ashley and she would. Wouldn't admit it.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Will you not tell her that I got the same tattoo as her? Because that is. I'm 40 years old.

[Rob Shooter]

I'm so embarrassed she wouldn't admit it. And finally I convinced. You've got to admit it. You have to admit it. But it took her a moment. She didn't want to admit this.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Her new nose is so cute compared to her old nose.

[Rob Shooter]

And when she had her baby, she didn't know what nose her baby would get. And I said, the baby gets your DNA.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah, it's like Bruce Willis and Demi Morris. Yes. All have the original. It's the original DNA. Like that's what you see before you see original DNA. Exactly.

[Rob Shooter]

They forget, don't they? They forget. Like, I think Kylie's forgot that her baby is not going to look like mommy. Now, that's post.

[Teddy Van Halen]

This is my theory, you guys, as to why we don't really see the faces of Meghan Markle's kids. It's pre plastic surgery.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Do you think they got Megan's old nose?

[Rob Shooter]

Because the DNA. I've seen Jurassic Park. Park. The DNA is the DNA. You can't. Yeah, it's the DNA.

[Teddy Van Halen]

They can gene edit that yet. I'm sure Elon Musk is working on it with, like his thousand children populating the earth. Okay, let's take a look at Nicole Kidman. Oh, let's take a look. Oh, this is Jesse Buckley. First we're looking at Jesse Buckley. This is Balenciaga, I believe. And so that's what I saw on. On my screen watching our live here. So, Marlena, tell me. That's right.

[Kinsey Schofield]

So we see Nicole Kidman, and then

[Teddy Van Halen]

we've got Nicole Kidman following this. Looks like. I'm sure she's in Chanel. I would bet it's Chanel.

[Rob Shooter]

I think she has to be, contractually last night.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, she's.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, she's the Chanel.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah.

[Rob Shooter]

I mean, it looks beautiful.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I love it.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah. She's a movie star. She looks like a movie star.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She does.

[Rob Shooter]

I think it's interesting that she's still not talking about Keith Urban. Nobody's.

[Teddy Van Halen]

What is there to say for Keith Urban? He normally would be with her on a red carpet like this.

[Rob Shooter]

He would. I wonder if he's missing these type of nights because he's not gonna get invited anymore.

[Teddy Van Halen]

He's not. It's over for him.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Like this. His new love interest. Isn't she like some 20 year old wannabe country star or something?

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, that is.

[Kinsey Schofield]

That is so enjoy House of Blues, I guess.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, it's grim. The House of Blues. Yeah.

[Rob Shooter]

He went from the Oscars to the House of Blues. I think Nicole is such a movie star. I've met her a few times in person.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Nicole, she's extraordinary.

[Rob Shooter]

She looks like an Avatar. They don't look real. Just like I can't imagine. I'm sure you two ladies can, but I can't imagine just being that beautiful. Like I just. That's very sweet, but it's just she looks like an absolute movie star and I like her mystique. I love celebrities gossiping. But she won't. She's never told us about her marriage with Tom Cruise.

[Kinsey Schofield]

She's telling us.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, well, that was an NDA for the jazz. I mean, cat ruined real. Okay, Tiana Taylor is here now. Guys, we are in business. This again. I am so sick of this woman. As you know, she was. She's dragging her like four or five year old daughter. These things. Like this is no place for children. No place for children.

[Rob Shooter]

It's not. It's not barely a place for adults. It's a really long, really boring night in that auditorium. And you have to remember too, with the time difference in la, this is an afternoon event.

[Teddy Van Halen]

This is an afternoon event.

[Rob Shooter]

They're dressed up like they're going to the ball. Like Cinderella. Midday. It's an afternoon event.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Well, Rob said something interesting earlier about how magazines are dead. This was off camera, but I saw her when I was on my way in the airport. I saw her on the COVID of Tatiana on the COVID of Time. Tiana, right, I'm sorry, Tiana on the COVID of Time. That was so rude of me. And they called her one of the most influential people and no, she's nice. And then I thought of Meghan and Harry on the as one of the world's most influential people. And I really thought Blake Lively, remember,

[Teddy Van Halen]

she's the time worth of the year.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And it tells you magazines really are dead in the sense that like how irrelevant and disconnected are you? Because I mean, I'm talking about this woman and I only ever talk about this woman when I talk to you.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Right, right.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And it's because she's everywhere during award season. But like otherwise she's not in my popcorn culture zeitgeist, you know? I guess, you know, so she's a.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She's that everything you're saying is dead on. And that shows you when the industry decides that they're going to anoint somebody, they're gonna ram them down our throats. But it really is up to us in the end. Do we want these people in our lives or not? I'm. I was great before Teyana Taylor entered my life.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I will be phenomenal once she's out of it. And I hope tonight is the last I see her for a very long time. Let's take a look, shall we, at Gwyneth Paltrow again. Love her or hate her, she is an old school movie star. She is. And here. This is exactly what I'm talking about with this Carolyn Bessette that's moment she's doing. It's evocative of Carolyn Bessette's wedding gown, which was super minimalist and brides everywhere. The poofy Diana, Princess Diana look was out. Everybody wanted to look like Carolyn Bissette. This is a very. I mean, this is. She just took right from the playbook. And the rumor was back in the 90s that Gwyneth really wanted to get a date with John Jr. And he wanted nothing to do.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Why did he not want any. Why would he not want anything to do with it?

[Rob Shooter]

I think she's high maintenance. I think it's just like she was not. Although Carolyn was not easy.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And Daryl, I like Daryl wrote her op ed defending herself. So, you know. But I found it interesting. I wonder why. What it was he had heard about Gwyneth that made her a hard no.

[Rob Shooter]

It made her a hard no. She looks great here.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Wait, don't we know something about Ben Affleck's ball sack? Could it be that. Didn't she tap his sack or something?

[Rob Shooter]

She.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Did she say something about Ben Affleck's balls?

[Rob Shooter]

There was a teabagging conversation about her and Ben Affleck once that came out. But maybe I would say Jock.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Wait, wait, you can't just keep going.

[Rob Shooter]

The Gwyneth likes to teabag and that Ben.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Wait, Ben has to teabag her?

[Teddy Van Halen]

I think technically this is our Christian girl who's gonna. I want Kinsey to explain to any troublemakers out there who does not know what this. Even Dave the DP is laughing. And he's a hard, hard one to crack. What is teabagging, Kinsey?

[Kinsey Schofield]

According to the Southern Baptist Dictionary, teabagging is when I think Ben Affleck would take his sack and hit her with it. And I think it was in the face.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Okay. John Waters had a slightly more genteel description of teabagging. Rob, do you want to give it a shot?

[Rob Shooter]

I think it's when you put your balls in somebody's mat.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Wait, what?

[Rob Shooter]

I'm so proud, Mom.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It's like a tea bag. It comes from above.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Wait, I.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yes. It's not specific to Ben Affleck. Any male will,

[Rob Shooter]

I would imagine, if John Jr. Knew that that's an incentive to date her. I don't think he would. I don't think he would run away from that. I think he's really watching.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah, I do.

[Rob Shooter]

She looks great. She looks great. And it's a movie star night

[Teddy Van Halen]

only at the Nerve.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I hate it here. I can't believe my whole. I'm so glad I never offered a teabag because I would have been off. I would have been totally off.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Next livestream tease. Round of tease for everybody. You guys. Tell me when we've got someone new. We are watching right now. So the Oscars has begun and we're very happy to be live streaming right now because there's a very good chance they're going to do best supporting Actor while we're live streaming. And we have it in for Timothy. A little, just little tour of our little props here. We've got, of course, Joan and Betty from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? For my money, one of the best B movies ever made. We've got our nerve Cliquot. And instead of Brute, it says brutal at the bottom. We've got our top level shit, our own Oscar Wilde. We've got brother Craig's award finally came. So we just included it because Craig, brother Craig, Obama. Not Obama, Craig Robinson. Michelle Obama, basically Obama. He just never gets enough, you know, respect in the culture and so. And typically, you know, it came late. We just had it. We ordered it for the Nerve awards. It says, you rock, brother Craig. You rock.

[Rob Shooter]

You gotta get it. Better mailing service, though. You gotta get.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Listen, I. You know what I had to do to run this up the flagpole just to expense it? Not cheap. Not cheap. And of course, oh, we've got the Hollywood memoir I am currently reading called Self Portrait by Gene Purity. Knockout of a book. And we've got our zebiotics on the table to prep. And our fire extinguishers are over there in case Ryan Reynolds gets out of the woodshed. And our very special guest, very special guest, for the first time ever, the wood chipper is here. And the wood chipper will be made very Good use of this evening. I can promise you all that. My spirit animal, the wood chipper. Okay, as we wait. Oh, somebody's saying. What happened to Gwyneth's mouth? Oh. Oh. Did you have a little word in the live stream? Now, listen, I'm gonna tell you. I think we saw images of her, her at the Valentino show, and it looked to me like she did have some facial work done. And she had it done. Maybe just a little too close. You know, they always say space that out. Like, give yourself at least two weeks, ideally a month, for anything, to settle.

[Rob Shooter]

All my friends in Hollywood have had a terrific week because they could get into every plastic surgeon's office. They could get every facial because this is the week where nobody goes. They all went last week. And so if you want to get a good facial in Hollywood right now, do it this week.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Let's do Kate Hudson. We've got Kate Hudson. Okay, Here we are going to see her. She is wearing blue because she is nominated for a film called Song Blue. And so this is just too. It's a little on the nose for me. I don't love it. And I was also just reading in the New York Post today that apparently her parents, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, went very hard in the paint to, like, force a nomination for her.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Really?

[Teddy Van Halen]

They were hosting all kinds of screenings. They were really applying the pressure.

[Rob Shooter]

They were. And it works. She's got a nomination. Goldie is Hollywood royalty. Kurt is a big, big star. And so if you've got that gun power, if you've got that cannon behind you, it's gonna help. Gold is a legend in Hollywood. You know, you feel like with the Nepo baby stuff at the moment that it might backfire, but unfortunately, it doesn't. It often.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It doesn't. It doesn't.

[Rob Shooter]

It backfires for us.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Like, we hate it. We hate it.

[Rob Shooter]

People that vote and the nominations, they love it.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I really did not love that movie.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I haven't seen that movie.

[Kinsey Schofield]

It's so depressing. Only watch it if, like, Mercury's in retrograde and you want to be even. Even, like, more upset. But I didn't love it. I thought it was very depressing. And I also think, speaking of on the nose, she's still trying to launch her music career, so it feels a little forced, like her doing a singing movie trying to launch this pop music career at the same time.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yes.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And it's almost like Blake Lively being like, here's my domestic violence movie and my booze and my hair care. I'M like, ah, it's too much.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, I get this is the Neil diamond movie. So it's based on the true tribute band or a tribute artist for Neil Diamond. I did like listening to the Neil diamond songs, though. Like, I think the soundtrack is great and the songs are great. I don't think Kate's gonna win tonight, but I think she's put on a good. A good race. Her mom and dad are there, so. Her mom and dad are still working it. Somebody tell Goldie the voting's over. Goldie, go home. Go home.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yes. So we've got now Emma Stone.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Emma Stone in her new face.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Emma Stone, like, again, if you look, she's wearing Louis Vuitton again. This is another Carolyn Bessette thing for me. I mean, we've got this cap sleeve. It's a. To me, listen, this is a wife and a mother who is now firmly in middle age. I would like to see actresses embrace aging instead of trying to freeze themselves as 20 something starlets. This look is a little too cute for me. I would rather see her in something adult and. And a little bit even more sexy than this.

[Rob Shooter]

She still plays that real cute teenager type personality, doesn't she? And I think it's a mistake here. Great actress. I don't think it's gonna be her year, but it's fun to see them get dressed up and be out there and yeah, I think I agree with you, Maureen. The cuteness was maybe a couple of years ago.

[Kinsey Schofield]

My. My boyfriend cheated on me with Emily. She was Emily Stone at the time. So it's taken me a few years to sit back and watch Emma Stone

[Rob Shooter]

movies without the guy she was with. Had a girlfriend?

[Kinsey Schofield]

I think so because MySpace was a big deal at the time and he was all over my MySpace.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh my God, she would have known.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And we got into a fight, not over him, but over hair extensions because I had to pay for mine and she got hers for free on becoming the Partridge Family on bha.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She too got her start in reality television. Television. Just like Tiana Taylor, who got her start on my super sweet.

[Rob Shooter]

Have you seen her since you.

[Kinsey Schofield]

No, no, not since she's blown up. But I will say my attitude's changed. I love her now. Good for her.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I'm.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I'm excited for all of her success.

[Rob Shooter]

Why did your attitude change? I'd hate her for life.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I don't know. I think I just thought, wow, good for her. That she. That she did it. But yeah, I.

[Teddy Van Halen]

You mean that she made it. Yeah, she did it with Your boyfriend?

[Kinsey Schofield]

No, but yeah, we did musical theater together when we were younger.

[Rob Shooter]

Oh, yeah. We should point out too that the show has started and it's an exceptionally long monologue.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Exceptionally long. And they did a very, very long pre recorded bit with Conan as.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, look, they're making memes.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Jamie Madigan, character from Weapons Leo is looking greasy. He's looking greasy. The mustache does him no favors. It's very porn star adjacent.

[Kinsey Schofield]

But like a New York pizza.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I'd go there.

[Kinsey Schofield]

So greasy and delicious as well.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I would describe it, you know, where that member has been.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I would just ask for him to wear a prophylactic.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Apparently he wears more than that in the bedroom. Earbuds, earphones.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I just hope that he's listening to the Secret. Is he listening to the Secret when he's going to pound him on the scene?

[Teddy Van Halen]

Speak to the let them theory. Can we see Demi Moore? Can we see her? We just had her up one second ago. But I want to see her. You know this, she's wearing Gucci. And I, I actually love this.

[Rob Shooter]

Love it. I love it.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And I was thinking about this with Demi, you know, last year she was up for the Substance.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Which was an overhyped movie.

[Rob Shooter]

I hated it.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It didn't, it didn't say what they were claiming. It was saying about women, especially famous women, aging, how Hollywood won't let you age. But we're here a year later and she has become everything the substance was supposed to be against. She has Ozempic'd herself and plastic surgery herself into near oblivion. And with those images of her at the Gucci show a week or two ago where she's like this in like a kind of Emma Peel like leather jumpsuit. I mean, it was, it was shocking.

[Rob Shooter]

I've seen those photographs at the fashion show. A friend of mine said that the Substance has become a documentary. Like it really became. It became a.

[Teddy Van Halen]

The Substance was a jab.

[Rob Shooter]

Yes, it was a jab. And she has become everything that that movie was trying to warn us about. I mean, I think this, this dress is beautiful. There's no doubt though, that clearly something's going on there. She's, she's painfully thin. Thin. I saw her a few years ago and she was heavier then, but she was still painfully thin. So I can't even imagine what she must look like in person tonight. Photographs. Well, and that's, that's a horrible lie here, is that people who lose a lot of weight often look better on camera and photographs, not in person.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It does add.

[Rob Shooter]

It does add and so that's the awful dilemma of this. And I. And I don't want to give Hollywood a free pass. But when you lose weight in Hollywood, you're often told how great you look, and that's a real incentive. Lindsay Lohan talked about that when she lost a lot of weight. Everyone kept telling us she looked great, and she said it was the worst thing to, hey, you know what you look like?

[Teddy Van Halen]

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[Kinsey Schofield]

Oscars.

[Rob Shooter]

Let me tell you what we want at the Oscars. We want awards. Cut to the chase like it's eternal foreplay. We're 20 minutes into the show and we've not given Ann an award yet. And so, like, get to the meat of the show. We're here to see who the. It's a big production number. They've spent a lot of money on it. What a waste of time.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It feels nerve coded, like homemade, like they're flying an Oscar in on a thing. And we got some flying objects here. Not a hawk, necessarily. You know what if that's a hawk. Ethan Hawk. It's a shiv. Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway is on. I don't like this. I don't. Now the Devil Wears Prada is about to hit theaters. This is a big deal. This is going to be one of those rare movies that they think people will leave the house to go see in a movie theater. Florals for spring. Groundbreaking quote. Miranda Priestly.

[Rob Shooter]

I hope that is Prada. That would be very clever if it is.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah, Great point.

[Rob Shooter]

It should be Prada. There's something really lacking about this, isn't there? And I think that that movie has made her into a fashionista. Like, that movie is about fashion. And so she's got access to the best stylists in the world. Anna Winter's there tonight too. And so, no, it's a. It's a letdown. I also think too, I would have tried to get Meryl Streep to arrive with me. They should have turned up together. If they want to promote the movie. They should have been there together tonight.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, So I guess maybe they're not super tight. We're looking right now, by the way, at the Oscars. And Zoe Saldan is on stage, which leads me to believe. Oh, it's best supporting Actress. Okay. We're dying to get to best actor here. Dying to get to. But that's going to be later in the night.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, I got the rundown. It's going to be a lot later. And they know, too, that they know dummies. They know that the category that everybody's waiting for is. Is best Actor. And so they want to encourage us to watch as much as the show. Let's be honest. If they gave us a word first, we would down one of these little shots of yours and we'd be off to the bar.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Off. Off to the races.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Can I have another drink?

[Teddy Van Halen]

Of course you can, Catherine. Amy Madigan won. Amy Madigan. Okay, listen, I think Amy, she beat Teyana Taylor. That is a plus.

[Rob Shooter]

That's a plus.

[Teddy Van Halen]

That is a plus. But I think that the hair and the makeup and the wardrobe department should share that. Oscar winning.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yes.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Without that, this is not an Oscar winning performance. I'm sorry. Agree with not.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I agree with you.

[Rob Shooter]

I think we might have jumped the gun here a little bit. It looks like it's still going on, this category. Okay, well, but I think we've still picked.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I think we might be on a delay. Are we on a delay, Marlena? A little bit in here.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah. It's a good category to open with. A strong one. Lots of really, really big, big, big names in it. Here it is. Best Supporting Actress. They're showing their faces. There is. They're cutting in. Everybody's there.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, every.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Every nominee. Showed up.

[Rob Shooter]

Showed up. And it is.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Wait.

[Rob Shooter]

Oh, okay.

[Teddy Van Halen]

You're right. It is Madigan.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, you got it right. You got it right. Oh, look, I like this. And it's a wacky look to it. It's a nod to the character. It's an odd outfit that she's wearing.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Even and Jacob sitting next to each other. Oh, my God.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Jacob Elordi.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I would love to be back. Let me just say, I wonder who

[Teddy Van Halen]

Timothy is seated near. Have we had an image of Timothe?

[Kinsey Schofield]

He's next to Kylie, obviously, but Elle Fanning. He's in front of Elle Fanning.

[Rob Shooter]

Oh, you saw him. Is in the audience. And is he on the front row or the second row?

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yes, on the side.

[Rob Shooter]

On the side. An aisle seat.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yes.

[Rob Shooter]

That's a good sign.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah, that's a good sign.

[Teddy Van Halen]

So they expect him to potentially win.

[Rob Shooter]

That's a good sign. But Leah's on the front row, so that's a good seat too. So they often do that. They know now that we look at seating positions, so to throw us off, they give both of them a good seat. Ah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Ah.

[Rob Shooter]

That's what they're doing. So they both potentially have a good.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Do we think that Conan went full silly off the top? Yes, in a way. Like almost like Richie Ricky Gervais did when he was like, don't get political. No one gives an F about your polit. Like, do we think that the reason he went. I mean, it's Conan. He is silly. But was it a way to set the tone so people wouldn't stand up there and preach?

[Rob Shooter]

I think that they. I don't know if it would make any difference. The people that are gonna preach are gonna preach. I think they've already decided who's gonna say. Say that. I think this is Conan's default setting. It's really Conan at his best when he's being outrageous and silly. These production numbers at the top of the show, though, unless you're Billy Crystal, I don't know who's pulled one off in recent memory. I want to get to the awards. We're literally 20 minutes into the show, and we've just given out the four. And this is why it goes on too long. Hours and hours and hours of it.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And she's still up there talking. And I'm sorry, like, I don't mean to be somebody whose attention span is perhaps dwindled. But it's like, get on and get off. Just like Ricky Gervais said. Say thank you. Say thank you. And please overstayed your welcome. Amy Madigan. Five seconds ago, I was thrilled for you. Now, like, get off now.

[Kinsey Schofield]

We're over it.

[Rob Shooter]

You've turned in four minutes.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Because she knows this is it. This is it for her. This is her only moment. So she's going to.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And she better be thanking the hair and makeup department.

[Rob Shooter]

And I think for a lot of them, this is it. There's very few people that win multiple awards, Merrell, and a handful, but most of them, this is their moment. You were saying about Mickey, Mikey, who won last year.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Mikey Madison.

[Rob Shooter]

Right. Halle Berry talked about the curse of the Oscar. After she won, she disappeared. Just because you win tonight does not guarantee you a career. It doesn't. It's the next project that's the most important.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Well, you just justified the 13 minutes she spent on stage.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She's still there. She's still. She's lost the room right now. I promise you that.

[Rob Shooter]

And we're 20 minutes in the show. They're overtime.

[Teddy Van Halen]

They're already over. They're already over. You know. Okay. So before we get to the nerves. Nominees. Oscar nominees. She's still yapping. She's still yapping. We're gonna take a look at some of the. Some of the stars at the Chanel pre Oscars party that was held last night Saturday at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Our first look is Jessie Buckley. We are just waiting for her to come up. Oh, they're having trouble hearing me. I hear Marlena yelling. I hear her yelling. Girls, are we gonna get Jessie Buckley?

[Rob Shooter]

There she is.

[Teddy Van Halen]

There she is.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

So I wanted to show this look in particular because I think it's awful.

[Rob Shooter]

It's awful.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I think they hate her. I think the stylist at Chanel and her personal style stylist, I think they've had it with Jessie Buckley, who's clearly high on her own supply. This is a dress made for a real fashionista. You have to. You have to have kind of the. The height, and you have to basically be like a clothes hanger to pull something like this off. And it looks like she's just sweeping the floor with it. It's like. It looks like it's just two dusters of, you know, I don't know.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, it's like a reject from Downton Abbey. You can imagine somebody wearing that on Downton Avenue. And you're right. It's not designed for somebody. That's her shape and size. And she's gorgeous. Like, there's no criticism of her if she can't pull off that.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I don't think she's gorgeous, Rob.

[Rob Shooter]

You don't.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I like. I like. I think they're trying to convince us this woman is a movie star, and they're gonna anoint her tonight with the Oscar for Best Actress. And she's not a movie star. I'm sorry.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And we're here to remind you that she did a reality show fighting to be on Oliver with Andrew Lloyd Webber.

[Rob Shooter]

She was on that.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

That was reality.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And she came in second place. Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And she did not make friends on that show. We had a troublemaker right in who had a close family member or friend who works for the BBC and was like, Jessie Buckley basically alienated everyone on that show, cast and crew. She was so full of herself.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And she won the position to be

[Rob Shooter]

Nancy at Oliver Twist.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Is that the show Troublemaker? Buckley is not gorgeous, Rob.

[Rob Shooter]

I think she's so. Maybe it's because she's English.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

We. She's Irish. Oh, she's Irish.

[Rob Shooter]

I was reflected on that. Thank you. That dress there. What were they thinking? It is so flattering.

[Kinsey Schofield]

It's rude.

[Rob Shooter]

And wouldn't you say, though, like, you'd be so disappointed if I got invited to that party and the stylist came to my apartment to show me the dress and they pulled that out. I think that really.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Happy Easter.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It also just goes to show you how so many of these stars, like, they don't have a true inner compass, like an inner director. They don't know themselves because someone who knows themselves, that's not for me. I can't pull that off. I won't be comfortable, and so I

[Rob Shooter]

won't be doing that. I would say that's not. It's a lovely dress. I'd lie. Oh, it's a beautiful dress. Not for me.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Right.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Tiana Taylor, who's again been showing herself. This is Tiana at the Chanel party the other night. She's coming up imminently.

[Rob Shooter]

So this is a big thing.

[Teddy Van Halen]

The night before this. A mess. A mess. A mess.

[Rob Shooter]

Oh, it's a mess. Has Chanel lost their mind? When I think of Chanel, I think of Coco Chanel and that beautiful black stylist fitted well.

[Teddy Van Halen]

You know, they have a new designer now. This is. This is his first year. His first. I believe this would be under him.

[Rob Shooter]

Yes.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah.

[Rob Shooter]

But why would I hire a designer who thinks that looks good for Chanel. Like, Chanel is not that well, but

[Kinsey Schofield]

if we're being honest, that is a woman that said, this is what I want, because she looks so. Everybody else is in Easter pastels.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Correct.

[Kinsey Schofield]

She looks so. That is a woman that said, not this, but I'll take that. She stands out from everyone.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Right. And she did that deliberately. Right? She did that because she did not want to be one of the Chanel in pastels. Like, we're gonna. We're gonna stand out. Like, we're gonna make sure our image penetrates. Where's Tim?

[Rob Shooter]

There is. Look at Kylie. She's in the dress.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, my God. Are we looking at this, guys? Do we have this up? We have Tim and Kylie up on screen.

[Rob Shooter]

There they are.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Let's take a look at this. Okay. I. I think this body, like, language is interesting. She's leaning into him. He's leaning away. He's got his arm on the. On the armrest. Like, he just wants to leap out of that chair and get that statuette. He is dying right now. He is dying.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah. And the best moment's gonna be after the award is announced and it's not him. What does he do? Does he have to stay for the rest of the show? Does he have a tantrum? He's a little petulant devil. He could get up and walk out.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Didn't he get up and walk out at the Globes when his category was done? He left early. Oh, he arrived super late, right? He arrived super late right before.

[Rob Shooter]

Yes, he did. That's it. And like, as a former publicist, we talk about this stuff like it's not an accident. We're talking about the clothes. What happened is they don't just bring one dress. They bring 10, and you pick which one. And so after these awards, do you stay? Yes. The Ethan hall knows he's not going to win. He's going to stay till the end

[Teddy Van Halen]

of the show because he's a grown up and he knows how this game is played. And I find it interesting, too, because a lot of these New York actors, you know, Rose Byrne is one, Keri Russell is one, they don't. They don't live in Hollywood. They're not Hollywood creatures. They aren't of that world.

[Rob Shooter]

They're not of that world.

[Teddy Van Halen]

But when it comes time, when they're nominated, they show up and they sit there and they applaud for their peers, and it's not that hard, but. But Timothy is a New Yorker who gives New Yorkers like a bad name. It's the. It's like that worst aspect of like a New Yorker who's just rude and out for themselves.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Matthew Reese is like that too. So good.

[Teddy Van Halen]

He's a good New Welshman.

[Kinsey Schofield]

He's a good.

[Teddy Van Halen]

By way of wealth. Yeah.

[Rob Shooter]

Oh, that's so interesting. Morning. I think that's what the comment about the ballet and the opera did. Did for me. It just blew the COVID It really took the mask off and it was then painfully obvious who this guy is.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah, he's shallow. He's limited.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Limited.

[Teddy Van Halen]

This is a guy who was nominated for playing Bob Dylan and said that before he was cast in the role, he had never heard of Bob Dylan.

[Kinsey Schofield]

No, he didn't say that.

[Rob Shooter]

He did say it.

[Teddy Van Halen]

He did say that.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I can't tell you how many boys I've had to pretend I like Bob Dylan.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Just. Just drop it. Just drop the facade.

[Kinsey Schofield]

It's not worth it.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It's really.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, I love Dylan. What's your favorite song?

[Rob Shooter]

But what a stupid thing to say if you're playing him in a movie. There's nothing smart about it.

[Kinsey Schofield]

So disrespectful.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, I know.

[Rob Shooter]

This is gonna be. If he does not win tonight, is he going to that Vanity Fair party? Is he going home? He's in a hotel. He doesn't have a house out there. What?

[Teddy Van Halen]

What, what's he gonna do? Great point. He doesn't have a house. Well, you would think he would be going home with Kylie. Right?

[Rob Shooter]

Right. But she's gotta go to that. She's on the COVID of Vanity Fair.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Has to go. And by the way, if Timothy doesn't go, let's say he loses and he doesn't go. Will Smith went after he smashed Beat the heck out of Chris Ross. Okay, Timothy, if anybody on your team happens to be secretly watching the nerve. And they tell you to go to the Vanity Fair party, go to the Vanity Fair party.

[Rob Shooter]

Now, what might be delicious is this year they've, they've. They've really reduced the. The guest list. I think part of the. That is their frightened. Not everybody wants to go. So it's a much smaller venue. So they used to say the rule was, is that if you were nominated for an Oscar, you didn't have to win. If you were one of the nominees, you automatically got in this show. That's not the rule.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Really.

[Rob Shooter]

If you don't win, you're not automatically nominated. So wouldn't it be delicious if she gets in and he doesn't? I know that would never Happen. It would never happen. It would never happen.

[Teddy Van Halen]

But.

[Rob Shooter]

But wouldn't it be delicious if he doesn't win, he's not got an automatic invite.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Kylie's like, I. I think I have a plus one. I think I get one plus one. And there's Chloe banging down the door.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, my God. I.

[Rob Shooter]

We're.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I'm listening to your watching the troublemakers on the live chat. And we are hearing you with the microphones.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna scoot up, guys.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Maureen, did Kinsey get her Dr. Drink? Yes, she got her drink refilled.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I'm gonna get her drink.

[Rob Shooter]

Yes.

[Teddy Van Halen]

We are waiting for. I'm shocked if you didn't know who Bob Dylan was. Yeah, I'm not shocked either. Okay, somebody is getting up to win something.

[Rob Shooter]

And there's animated shorts. This is a category that we probably.

[Teddy Van Halen]

We don't care. Let's go to the nerves nominees. Okay, let's go to the nerves nominees. We are going to our category. That is best performance by an inanimate object.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Okay.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Our nominees are Best performance by an inanimate object. Timothy's ping pong paddles.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, wow.

[Teddy Van Halen]

The gun that was shoved up Sean Penn's ass in one battle after another. Even Dave thinks this is fake. Funny. We did get the make and model.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Okay.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It's a Beretta 92 style semi automatic pistol. A hot pistol of Sean's hot ass.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I can tell you I'm tight right now. Mine is tight.

[Teddy Van Halen]

The. Our third nominee, Kinsey. Timothy's mustache in Marty Supreme. His struggle mustache in Marty supreme. Our fourth nominee, GLP1s. And last but not least, best performance by an inanimate object. Meghan Markle's Netflix career.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, my God. What do you know, Michael?

[Teddy Van Halen]

And we're gonna fire up the wood chipper for the winner. The winner is Inaugural. Inaugural. Getting chipped by our. By. By the. By the nerves. Mascot of all mascots. It's Megan Markle's Netflix career.

[Rob Shooter]

That's performing.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Adam,

[Rob Shooter]

fire it up.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Fire

[Rob Shooter]

mar. Oh.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, wow.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Don't believe it.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I'm scared.

[Rob Shooter]

Be careful.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Don't touching.

[Rob Shooter]

My.

[Teddy Van Halen]

God. The Marle sparkle. Hey, do we think Megan Markle got an invited to the Vanity Fair party?

[Kinsey Schofield]

No. Yes, you do.

[Rob Shooter]

You do.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I think Vanity bragging.

[Rob Shooter]

Oh, we would have known. But she would have. Yeah, she would have put out a. She would have put out the invite. Now remember that too. One of her best friends in Hollywood is Kris Jenner. The Jenners and the Kardashians are gonna take over this Party tonight. So if anybody can get her in, it's Kris.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, my God. If she shows up. I don't know, I just. I feel like she is probably trying to lay low with all of the negative attention surrounding, you know, what she

[Teddy Van Halen]

just did, Rob, which we were talking about. Somebody else needed this. Sick kids. She went to LA's Children's Hospital and brought a camera person and documented that. And she wore a mask because she

[Rob Shooter]

did wear a mask.

[Teddy Van Halen]

So, again, she's like her own worst enemy.

[Rob Shooter]

If something's gonna. We say it and we joke, but it's true. If somebody can blow something up into her, like even something that should be so easy and so simple and so good, she can make a mess of it. The two of them mess everything up.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I don't know if she. She would bless Vanity Fair with her presence. Because, you know, if Meghan Markle and Prince Harry show up there, that will be everywhere. The Daily Mail radar. Because Vanity Fair wrote that scathing article, American Hustlers.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Hustlers, yeah.

[Rob Shooter]

Which is why she's not done Vogue. Cause it's all part of the same company. Conde Nasha did the British Vogue. She wouldn't do American Vogue because she was mad about that Vanity Fair. She holds a grudge better than Rosie o'.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Donnell, actually. I think Vogue. I think American Vogue she would do in a heartbeat. I think the problem is Anna Wintour will never allow her on the COVID of American Vogue because she's a monarchist. The queen made her a day.

[Rob Shooter]

That's right. I believe she's British. She's. Yes.

[Teddy Van Halen]

There's no way it's happening. And I also think if she were to attend, she would have to. I mean, I would think she would be Persona non grata at Vanity Fair because they put her on the COVID under, like. So it was false pretenses. Right. She told Harry, vanity Fair wants me on the COVID because I'm a big star in America. Nobody had ever heard of this woman. And they had gone to Great and Carter and said, you want to put Meghan Markle on the COVID And he said, who's Meghan Markle? And they said, she's gonna marry Prince Harry.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And he was like, I guess.

[Teddy Van Halen]

But so the headline was, she's just wild about Harry. And Meghan said that was a racist headline. I'm not making it up. She said it was a racist headline. So I don't know. I don't know that we should.

[Kinsey Schofield]

We should clarify.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Troublemakers are going to be mad at

[Kinsey Schofield]

me, Marlena, because of the because of Judy Garland. Blackface. That's why. She said it was racist, but that was. That was so stupid.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, they want. So the troublemakers want to see Amy Madigan and her acceptance speech. Should we play a little bit?

[Rob Shooter]

Can we do that?

[Teddy Van Halen]

All right, you guys are the boss. Let's take a look.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Is this Timothy's?

[Teddy Van Halen]

No, it's not. Let's take a look at Amy Madigan's. You tell me when she's ready and we'll talk to it. Here we go. This is great.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Everybody's asking me. I'm depressed at all this. Well, it's been 40 years. And you know what's different about this time?

[Teddy Van Halen]

I can't comment on that. Get rid of it. I mean, I was in the shower

[Kinsey Schofield]

last night trying to think of something

[Teddy Van Halen]

to say, which we mean worst career ending plastic surgery of 2025. And our original. The original famous person who destroyed a thriving Hollywood career with bad plastic surgery, Meg Ryan, the original. We're going to look at her before image from When Harry Met Sally and what she did to her after. And what she. Whatever she had done isn't reversible because she's been. She's been looking like that for at least 15 years.

[Rob Shooter]

And this is.

[Teddy Van Halen]

This goes to show you these people have access, you would think, to the best of the best. But any surgery is a major risk.

[Rob Shooter]

Major. And the stars that had surgery in the late 80s and the 90s, it was all about cutting and pulling, and you can't reverse it. When you overdo the fillers, you can dissolve them. So celebrities that are doing surgery today do have an option of looking more normal. These stars that were doing it in the 80s and the 90s, it's permanent. Like, they pull and they cut. And she paid money to look like that. Paid a lot of money. Meg Riot, she was like our sweetheart, wasn't she?

[Teddy Van Halen]

I know. And now she draws comparisons to, like, the Joker. It's that Joker smile. It's like we're seeing the. We're seeing the legacy of that in people like Jennifer Aniston. Or these people are getting that lower facelift where it's pulling the lips way. Like it's flattening them and it's pulling them way too far.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah. They don't realize that your lips are part of your skin. And when you pull, pull here, you're gonna pull the wrinkles out, but you're also gonna pull the smile back to here and here and look like the Joker.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Look, guys, I'm all about talking shit, but I will be getting a facelift one day.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Right. But, I mean, don't you think you're gonna go to, like, somebody who's not gonna make it undetectable?

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah.

[Kinsey Schofield]

You know, who's. The girl from the Real Housewives who's. Who's getting a divorce right now? That just had a really good one.

[Rob Shooter]

Oh, she looks good. That's how to do it. Pick somebody out.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Denise Richards.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Denise Richards. I'll go to Denise Richards.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She did have a really good chase.

[Rob Shooter]

Look. Has a good one. Yeah. And I think with Meg, back when she did this and it was a while ago she did it, there wasn't that many options that.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And it was probably premature, right?

[Rob Shooter]

It was premature. You know, it's like everything.

[Teddy Van Halen]

So many of them are still doing a premature. We were just talking about Emma Stone and Anne Hathaway, two young women who have had what will be the first of many facelifts because they don't stay that way forever. Gravity always wins.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, it does. It does win. Whenever something new comes out, whether it be an iPhone or a facelift, don't be the first to get it.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah, wise words. Don't be the first to buy a Tesla.

[Rob Shooter]

You blow up in a Tesla. Don't be the first to buy a Tesla.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Don't come for me, Elon Musk. Elon. Or do.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Because if he gets you knocked up, you're set for life.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It's. You couldn't pay me enough money.

[Rob Shooter]

Now we have enough money. Okay. A musical performance is happening.

[Teddy Van Halen]

It's the Sinner's musical performance. It's the most nominated film of all time. Of all time. And I'm just gonna tell you, it's not a masterpiece. It's a vampire movie. You troublemakers have actually made the comparison. I never sat through the whole thing. I didn't like it. But it's basically a ripoff of Till From Dusk Till Dawn.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Really?

[Teddy Van Halen]

That's how I put that. Dave the dp, a real cine ass is nodding in a scent.

[Rob Shooter]

And the big controversy this year about the musical category is normally all five nominated songs perform. This year, they're only doing two.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Weird.

[Rob Shooter]

And so they're tipping their hand. Who's going to win?

[Teddy Van Halen]

They're not going to know who's going to win. But, I mean, you're so right.

[Rob Shooter]

They're not doing five. This year, they're just doing two. But yet they have time for Conan to open the show with 20 minutes.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I don't know if this song is nominated. You guys know how I feel about Chris Stapleton. I love Chris Stapleton. He had a song. His song was the song of F1 1, Brad Pitt's race car movie called Bad as I Used to Be. It's a great song. Do you think Chris Stapleton was invited to perform at the Oscars? No. Because he's country.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

No, he's. They would consider him a hick and they would consider his audience. I am among them hicks and rubes.

[Rob Shooter]

And that's why the ratings are not going to be great.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Exactly.

[Kinsey Schofield]

And is the super bowl listening to us? Is the super bowl in the NFL? I'm so sick of crappy stuff. Super bowl half. Give us George Strait. Give us Chris Stapleton. Super Bowl. They don't.

[Rob Shooter]

They.

[Kinsey Schofield]

They are so out of touch with the real world. But also, isn't weapons just a ripoff of Hocus Pocus?

[Teddy Van Halen]

I. Weapons felt like Stephen King light to me. And weapons. I felt, you know, we're off the track. We have to get to our plastic sur.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Sorry, sorry.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Let's go back in prompter, please, to our plastic surgery nominees and tell me we've got my Jim Carrey gag ready to go. Marlena, there he is. Okay, now, Jim Carrey. This is Jim Carrey before. This is Jim Carrey after. On the right. Now this is a contender, and I'll tell you why. There's bad plastic surgery and then there's the kind of plastic surgery that has the entire Internet believing that you're dead and that this current incarnation is a CIA plant. This is a genuine theory going around. Okay, Bradley Cooper. Okay, this is Bradley in 2013 at the Hangover 3 premiere. No, this is Bradley now. This is Bradley now. Now, they say they call him Bradley Manilow because of. Of this. I mean, the hairpiece is all wrong, so obviously a hairpiece. Just my opinion. But he got that feminizing plastic surgery that it's like. It's almost like a kind of facial wasting that you would see among a certain kind of gay man.

[Kinsey Schofield]

You know, I think it's a lower bluff, too, right? Doesn't it?

[Teddy Van Halen]

Definitely. Then we've got Demi Moore. Talk about original faces.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Gorgeous.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Her original. She probably had a few tweaks.

[Rob Shooter]

And this is.

[Teddy Van Halen]

This is her now. And again, you can see. It's like fake hair. You can see the skin. You can see all of the injectables and everything that's been done in there. And then we. I think we have a final one that is. Oh, oh, Jigsaw. They put Jigsaw next to Davee. The girls were like, you gotta Include Jigsaw. The winner, the nerves winner is Jim Carrey. Because again, if you can inspire a bonkers conspiracy theory like that, you have won. And now I want to show just as a reminder of exactly who we're watching tonight, those of us who are watching these people are out of their minds. We're going to play Jim Carrey who made a video on his phone to Emma Stone.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, I remember this.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And we're waiting for that because Marlene is like, where is it? Guys, I'm gonna roll some heads back there. I'm gonna leave the set and I'm gonna. This is a message for Emma Stone. Emma, I just wanted to let you know that I think you're all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but smart and kind hearted. If I were a lot younger, he's from the eastern. I would marry you. We would have chubby little freckle faced kids. We laugh all day long, go camping

[Kinsey Schofield]

and play Yahtzee by this point. And he's a, you know, an established

[Teddy Van Halen]

actor who's probably middle aged, has probably. His kids were adults by then. He was divorced. This was 2011. And he's talking about, about how he wants to marry her.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Have chubby babies and that the sex between them would be phenomenal.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, God. Good Lord.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Do you remember this?

[Kinsey Schofield]

Do you think he.

[Rob Shooter]

For some reason. And I know this stuff. This is not a memory I have. I'm shocked that I don't know about him, but I'm shocked he did. But this isn't TMZ or radar captioning. So he thought this was a really good idea. Yeah, it's a lot of work to make these little videos. And he decided, he decided to do this and post it. Their judgment. Their judgment. It's so, so shady.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Oh, wait, you guys. So we're seeing Timmy on the big screen as well.

[Rob Shooter]

Tease. So what they're doing throughout the show is. Yeah, they're teasing the five. Five best picture nominations. They teased sinners. Now they're doing Timothy.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Are we gonna acknowledge though, that God bless, Bless Timothy's movie for giving Fran Drescher some work again? Because I love the nanny and I love Fran Drescher. I don't care. I don't care who knows.

[Rob Shooter]

I did. I. I've seen this movie and I did like all the little surprise cameos. Sandra Bernhardt's in there. I think we have Isaac Mizarahi in there too. And I did chuckle to myself.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I did chuckle.

[Rob Shooter]

In fact, the only one in it that was annoying was, was the star but everybody else. Yeah, just the star was to watch

[Teddy Van Halen]

or root four or anything while we're watching the show.

[Rob Shooter]

While we're doing our show. It seems like Conan has made himself the star of this in ways that hosts haven't in previous years. Normally the host will open the show and then disappear. He feels like he's doing bits throughout the whole evening, which could get very tiresome very quickly.

[Kinsey Schofield]

But also is that they're smacking.

[Teddy Van Halen]

They're playing. Okay. This is okay. They've got somebody in the orchestra who's got a prosthetic ass and took two ping pong paddles just like this and was playing the ass with the ping pong paddles. The academy hates this kid. They fucking hate this kid. They're roasting him like we do on the nerve. Timothy. Top level. Shit. I can't wait. I can't wait. There's a troublemaker in here, by the way, who said I've had a facelift. Trust me, I would tell you if I had one. It's like I'm. I would be terrified to get one. I go. I get tons of lasers and all that stuff.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I would, I would, I would tell you. I would tell you guys. If she had to. And she hasn't. She's a natural effing beauty.

[Teddy Van Halen]

A kids. You're so sweet.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Thank you.

[Teddy Van Halen]

These guys are so.

[Rob Shooter]

Tell me, tell me. I love them.

[Teddy Van Halen]

What are they? You need to fix your technical.

[Rob Shooter]

No, no kidding. No kidding.

[Teddy Van Halen]

There is some sort of weird retrograde happening.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Listen, guys, I will teabag anyone that can fix the technical things.

[Rob Shooter]

There's six guys that have come running in the room. That's an offer we should not make on television. That's an offer that you should not make.

[Teddy Van Halen]

No kidding. No kidding. Oh, there's Martin Scorsese in an iPhone ad. You know, this is cinema.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I'm wondering if the objective here with all of his little bits is viral moments. And I think if you are like the three of us, we've loved Hollywood. We love old Hollywood. That is especially annoying. And I really do think that that's who you have watching the younger demo. They don't care. Maybe they'll see this on X, maybe they'll see this on TikTok later and you might get a like. But for us, we are annoyed by these moments.

[Rob Shooter]

I find that any viral moment that you have to create never goes viral. Viral.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Anna Wintour, just walking.

[Rob Shooter]

That's the devil. So no, Meryl, they got Anna instead.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And you know what else? Okay, we are so into this at the Nerve. And if we could please capture this and then show it to the troublemakers on our live stream, please, you guys,

[Rob Shooter]

not wearing the sunglasses, which means you can't win the teleprompter. Those sunglasses are prescription.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I know, I know. It's her vanity. Yeah, it's her vanity.

[Rob Shooter]

I was once in the theater.

[Kinsey Schofield]

She does look confused.

[Rob Shooter]

The lights went down in the theater and she put on her sunglasses because she couldn't see without the prescriptions on.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And she wouldn't wear regular eyeglasses.

[Rob Shooter]

She won't wear regular eyeglasses. That's why you see her. So she can't read the teleprompter here.

[Kinsey Schofield]

She looks scared and confused, and she's scared. And why she's not reading the teleprompter.

[Rob Shooter]

And why is the new editor in chief not there?

[Kinsey Schofield]

He's.

[Rob Shooter]

Where's Chloe? Where's Chloe?

[Teddy Van Halen]

Chloe. She's burying Chloe's remains right now. Stedman. Oh, here comes the sunglasses. I'm sure they're both wearing Prada. They're both also wearing. Their chokers are like almost identical.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yes.

[Teddy Van Halen]

They're very royal.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Regal.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Very regal. And this is very interesting. Guys. How are we doing on getting that up?

[Kinsey Schofield]

She said one word, right?

[Rob Shooter]

She said one word. What's interesting, too, is the first ever wears Prada. Anna did not promote. Anna had nothing to do with it. She put out a very cheeky, very smart sentence sound by saying that at Vogue, we love a good piece of fiction. Funny. But she didn't support the. That fact. First movie, this movie, she's promoting it. She's out there.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Yes. Not only that. And they're. This is interesting. They're. They're presenting for costume design. There were a number of actresses who would not take the role of Andy Sachs because they were too afraid to make Anna Wintour an enemy. So Anne Hathaway was like way down on the bottom of that list, and she took it. And now look at this.

[Rob Shooter]

That's right.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Now, this is how it works. There's no insult. That is too vicious. If something makes money and it lands in the culture, all is forgiven.

[Kinsey Schofield]

It is.

[Rob Shooter]

It's forg. I don't want to make it all by myself, but I, I. My book that's coming out that you've been so kind about, I, like, had reservations because I'm telling secrets about people I've worked with. You're going to recognize a lot of people in this book, and so it's fun to do, but I had reservations myself. You don't want to burn many bridges. And so I can't imagine with the Devil Wears Prada. Of course, the A list actresses wouldn't touch it because they'd never. If you said, Anna, you're done. But, but I would argue that movie made Anna a bigger star.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Absolutely.

[Rob Shooter]

It actually flattered her. It made her.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And that movie lives on forever. Forever, generations and generations. It's become a modern day classic. And so you have people like you're talking about who would never watch the Oscars, who absolutely know who Anna Wintour is.

[Rob Shooter]

They say she's a Miranda Priestly. People at home are saying, that's Miranda Priest. Miranda Priestly.

[Teddy Van Halen]

And to your point, Chloe Mal, she should be up there. She's not.

[Rob Shooter]

She's not.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She's not. You know why Anna's not going anywhere?

[Kinsey Schofield]

She's so boring.

[Teddy Van Halen]

She's so boring.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Well, that.

[Teddy Van Halen]

But that's why Anna picked her. Anna picked her. So that they'll come right back to Anna and say, there's only one you.

[Rob Shooter]

That's right.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Let's get rid of this dead weight.

[Rob Shooter]

You know, never let the person that's leaving replace themselves because I'm going to pick someone awful. But I can't come. One week. I'm going to be here every week. But if there's one week I can't come, I'm going to send a stinker to sit in this seat.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Rob. You know, it's really smart. You know, it really is smart. I mean, I called Anna Wintour. It's like the Bob Iger playbook. He's always leaving Disney. But then they always, they were like, please come back.

[Rob Shooter]

That's so awful.

[Teddy Van Halen]

The person you hand picked. It sucks.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yes.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah, it's really quite trumpy Trump does this. It's brilliant.

[Kinsey Schofield]

The person you picked gave us Rachel Ziegler.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Okay, so we've got Anna. We're gonna look at Anna coming out with Anne Hathaway. And I do think this floral Sprite.

[Kinsey Schofield]

I think we're looking at the ass cheek drum.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, that was the ass cheek drum, guys. No, we want Anna Wintour.

[Kinsey Schofield]

We'll take a nice ass cheek drum.

[Teddy Van Halen]

No, Anna Wintour. These guys. Oh. Jacob Elordi and Ethan Hawker chatting.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

No, we don't have it. I don't know what's going on.

[Rob Shooter]

Well, we can look at his bottom still. There he is. Bottom, bottom. It's funny once. They've done it three times. It was, it was funny once. Yeah. They hate him. They really don't like him to do that.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Oh, they really really like you. Really hate him.

[Rob Shooter]

Don't like you at all. Here they are.

[Kinsey Schofield]

There's Anna's still on this screen.

[Teddy Van Halen]

The ad is still on screen with Anne Hathaway. And I'm hearing. It's coming in. Here it is. You see it now. Oh, there they are. I actually do think that a meticulously crafted headdress, a simple pair of semi

[Kinsey Schofield]

complex and dramatic pieces that bring to

[Teddy Van Halen]

life gossip or watching red turn rotten.

[Kinsey Schofield]

The character's costume is key. These girls are really promoting this damn movie.

[Teddy Van Halen]

They are, I agree.

[Rob Shooter]

But the biggest star is Meryl. We. We love Anna because we live in New York. We know she's a star because we live in New York. My family would not know who that is. Bring that Meryl.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Even though you're from England.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah. They wouldn't know Anna. They don't. Because we live in this bubble in New York. And I try so hard to not to get like carried away with it, but we know stuff that people don't know. And it's not that we're smarter. We're just bombarded with it. In New York.

[Kinsey Schofield]

They're also making this for. Well, I want to say they're making it for us. But then they've got the Tick tock

[Rob Shooter]

people all over the place and they've got it. They've got to reach middle. They've got to reach regular people for this movie to be a hit. Meryl Streep. Where's Meryl? Come on, Meryl.

[Teddy Van Halen]

This is what I'm wondering. Does Meryl think the movie's a stinker?

[Rob Shooter]

I hear it's not great.

[Teddy Van Halen]

That would not surprise me.

[Rob Shooter]

I've heard it has very Sex in the City vibes where Just not like

[Teddy Van Halen]

Sex in the City too, maybe.

[Rob Shooter]

I hear it's lovely seeing the characters again because we love these characters. I want to see them again. But I hear there's nothing to the movie.

[Teddy Van Halen]

I mean, what could the plot possibly be? It's got to be the lowest of low stakes, right?

[Rob Shooter]

And why did it take 20 years to make it? There's no story, there's nothing.

[Teddy Van Halen]

There's no reason. This is a cash grab. That's why Meryl's not there. I'll bet you that's it. She doesn't think the movie's very good at all. And she's not going to throw her considerable. Listen, she would throw. There was where there was a time she had no problem throwing her weight behind Harvey Weinstein. I'd like to thank God. I mean, Hardy and then, you know, Oh, I had no idea. Which you know, as I. As I once wrote, not even the world's greatest actress could sell that line.

[Kinsey Schofield]

But we also.

[Rob Shooter]

That's a good line. Yours is a good line.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Thank you.

[Rob Shooter]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Sorry, what was that, kids?

[Kinsey Schofield]

I was gonna say, but he probably did not try to take her to pound town.

[Teddy Van Halen]

No, but she knew.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Again, Courtney Love on a red carpet in the 90s.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Yeah.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Marlena, we need you to come in because we are coming towards the end and we have a. A visual gag that we need help with. And I think you know where of I speak. Oh, you know what else is going in the wood chipper and we'll do it after. This is Jennifer Aniston's ATM card. The Aniston ATM card that Jim Curtis is currently in the process of shredding to bits. You think Jennifer Aniston doesn't have a credit limit? She does and this guy's exceeding it. $25 million apartment in New York City for this apple.

[Kinsey Schofield]

There we go.

[Teddy Van Halen]

Bye. Well. Again the wood chipper's having technical.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Jim Curtis won this round so much

[Teddy Van Halen]

he might have wonder. Here comes Marlena. She was going to dress as Timothy as a. As a. As like a 30 something year old lesbian. Do we have that Timothy image? Can we throw that up in the red? The back looks red. These are. Let's. They're gonna try and pull it up. This is our Jim Curtis yellow butterfly. Timothy, win or lose. Just look for the yellow butterfly. Which died. Which died. And we're gonna just let. Happy Oscar night before we go. Thank you again to Zebiotics Pre Alcohol for sponsoring our first Nerve live stream. We will be back with a complete recap on Tuesdays Nerve and then on Wednesday for the Nerve at night. If you haven't already check out our [e-mail] Be sure to subscribe plus nerve merch. Grab something for yourself or pick something up for a fellow troublemaker@shop thenerve.com we will see you back here next week on the Nerve.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Bye Ventures.

[Teddy Van Halen]

We will never guess what we're about to say next. Fuck it, Timothy. Fuck off.

[Kinsey Schofield]

Bye.