The Neurodivergent Experience

Episode: 25 Years Together: Inside a Neurodivergent Marriage That Lasted

Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Guest: Sylvia (Jordan’s wife)
Date: January 15, 2026

Episode Overview

This heartwarming and refreshingly honest episode celebrates 25 years of marriage between Jordan James and his neurodivergent wife, Sylvia. Together with co-host Simon Scott, they share their experiences forging a deeply connected partnership as two neurodivergent people. The discussion delves into the stigmas surrounding neurodivergent relationships, how undiagnosed neurodivergence shaped their past, communication, meltdowns, shutdowns, inner child joy, and the essential ingredients for their lasting success.

Key Topics & Insights

1. Redefining Success in Neurodivergent Relationships

• [03:39] Simon highlights societal stigma:

  “There's a lot of stigma around neurodivergent people, especially from the holistic neurotypical community...there is a stigma around what success is to neurodivergent people.”

• Many are surprised neurodivergent people can have “normal” lives—jobs, homes, relationships.
• For Jordan and Sylvia, success isn't just time together, but remaining “in love, playful, and obsessed with each other.”
• [06:04] Jordan challenges time as the measure:

  “I don't see the success as the amount of time…The success that we have is not the amount of time, it's the fact that...we are still laughing and playing and teasing and just acting literally like the most in love couple.”

2. How They Make It Work—Honesty (and Humor!)

• [09:16] Sylvia:

  “The time just went. But it feels like we just started…We always end up on the same page, which is I think the most important part for everybody to move on and have the years looking forward together.”

• Disagreements are healthy, but they always reconnect as “partners in crime.”
• [10:58] Scott summarizes:

  “Time flies when you’re having fun.”

3. Navigating Trauma and Undiagnosed Neurodivergence

• Jordan’s early years were marked by family abuse, trauma, and anger issues.
• Both partners adapted to each other's sensory and emotional needs before knowing about neurodivergence.
• [14:39] Sylvia:

  “You don't need to know everything from my background to know me, I suppose.”

• They developed “complementary” coping: Jordan is vocally expressive, Sylvia more internal and stoic.

4. Communication Styles: Vocal vs Internal Processing

• [16:39] Jordan:

  “The most important thing about our relationship...is not that we're just a married couple. We are Sylvia and Jordan. And we are friends.”

• [17:47] Sylvia, dryly, on first meeting Jordan:

  ”At first, I didn’t really like the guy. He’s not all that. He’s not very tall.”

• Their friendship-first dynamic is the "safe base" for everything. Playfulness (and playful teasing) sustains them.

5. Meltdowns & Shutdowns in Marriage

Jordan (explosive, visible, sometimes self-harm)

Sylvia (withdrawal, cleaning, “nesting,” shutdown)

• [25:30] Sylvia:

  “My meltdowns...I prefer just closing and just...shut the world away.”

• [27:33] Jordan:

  “Mine are very much more in line with somebody that's received serious aggressive physical trauma...”

• Sylvia’s calm, non-judgmental approach to Jordan’s meltdowns has been crucial:
  • She gives space, avoids escalation, and instead brings the “Gorilla Glue” to fix what’s broken (literally and figuratively).
  • [33:21] “Sylvia just waited for it [the meltdown] to happen and then went, I’ve got the Gorilla Glue…And I fixed it.”
• [34:47] Scott describes how their management is refreshing for those who feel ashamed post-meltdown.

6. Mutual Support in Distress

• When Sylvia is in shutdown, Jordan respects her need for space and control:
  • He offers help, but lets her lead and make her own choices.
  • Provides options (help, food, going out), but does not press.
  • [36:09] Sylvia:

    “He normally tried to help me clean. I'm like…no, just leave it.”

• Both agree: giving your partner unpressured choice and support is vital.

7. Recovery and Repair After Meltdowns

• [43:41] Sylvia:

  “After the meltdown, normally we just have a little cuddle, have a cup of tea, coffee and off we go. Easy.”

• Touch, comfort, treats, and gentle presence bring them back together.
• Self-awareness and growth: Jordan speaks candidly about the pain of past hurtful words, learning to apologize, and doing the work to change generational trauma.
  • [45:51] Sylvia (on past Jordan):

    “You find out that later…you didn't even understand, dude."

8. Individuality, Inner Child & Shared Play

• [56:37] Playful in-jokes, echolalia, and shared interests are key.
• Playful competition and rivalry (Mario Kart, DIY projects), friendly teasing, and celebrating their individual quirks keep the marriage energized.
  • [62:15] Scott:

    ”We’re constantly joking…it’s like an improv class. Constantly. We’re just constantly laughing with each other…”

• Respecting and not devaluing another's special interests is fundamental.

9. Merging Interests, Compromise, and Collaboration

• Over time, they've learned to embrace each other's special interests (DIY for Sylvia, toys and tech for Jordan, basketball for both!).
• [79:27] Jordan’s advice:

  “Compromise. If you want to be stubborn in your relationship…like it’s a competition, then you are not in a good relationship…What is a healthy relationship is when you work as a team to win the game…every point is a point for the team, not a point for you.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On love & longevity:

  "If after 25 years, you can still act so much in love when you know everything about each other, all the bad, all the good, that's...true love." – Jordan ([06:04])

• On play and inner child:

  “[We’re] more like a partners in crime.” – Sylvia ([10:58])

• On neurodivergent dynamics:

  “You both complement each other very, very well…the chemistry is off the charts.” – Scott ([20:24])

• On dealing with meltdowns:

  “She just waited for it to happen and then went, I’ve got the Gorilla Glue.” – Jordan ([33:21])

• On repair rituals:

  “We just have a little cuddle, have a cup of tea, coffee and off we go easy.” – Sylvia ([43:41])

• On embracing weirdness:

  "You don't know how weird we are." – Sylvia ([57:37])

• On teamwork & compromise:

  “You’re not playing tennis against each other. You’re playing basketball with each other. You’re on the same team. Every point is a point for the team, not a point for you.” – Jordan ([80:29])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:39] – Success as a neurodivergent couple
• [06:04] – True love vs. just longevity
• [13:07] – How they adapted before diagnosis
• [16:39] – Friendship-first as a relationship foundation
• [25:30] – Meltdown & shutdown dynamics
• [33:21] – Managing meltdowns and mutual support
• [43:41] – How they reconnect after crisis
• [56:37] – Playfulness, in-jokes, and inner child
• [62:15] – Not diminishing each other’s special interests
• [70:14] – Essential advice: Have fun together
• [79:27] – Working as a team (compromise)

Advice & Takeaways (From 25 Years Married Neurodivergent)

Sylvia ([70:14], [80:29])

• “Have fun with each other.”
• “Compromise. If you don’t compromise, you’re not going forward. You will not last.”

Jordan ([70:18], [80:29])

• “Tap into your partner’s interests, and vice versa. Find things you both love, but respect each other’s individuality too.”
• “Work as a team, not as competitors.”

Scott ([74:45], [80:29])

• “Be with someone you're friends with, love and trust, and who you can laugh with and look forward to spending time with.”

Episode Tone

• Warm, deeply personal, openly self-reflective, peppered with affectionate teasing, plenty of silly banter, and lots of laughter. The hosts and guest are unafraid to tackle tough topics (trauma, meltdowns), but default to compassion, camaraderie, and hope.
• Self-deprecating humor and inside jokes give a glimpse into a marriage that values joy—even in adversity.

Final Thoughts

This episode offers a sincere, nuanced, and uplifting look into how two neurodivergent people can create a resilient, loving partnership. It’s equal parts realistic about struggles and celebratory of neurodivergent joy, connection, and the everyday “weirdness” that makes lasting love possible.

If you’re neurodivergent (or love someone who is), you’ll find validation, concrete strategies, and, most of all, hope in Jordan and Sylvia’s story.