Podcast Summary: The Neurodivergent Experience

Episode: A Very Neurodivergent Christmas: Gift Anxiety, Family Gatherings, Expectations & Burnout
Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Guest: Ashley Bentley
Date: December 11, 2025

Overview

This festive episode dives into the unique challenges and pressures neurodivergent individuals face during the Christmas season. Hosts Jordan James and Simon Scott, joined by therapist Ashley Bentley, mix humor and honest storytelling with practical advice. The conversation explores how gift expectations, family dynamics, burnout, sensory overload, and the pressure to conform turn Christmas into a complex—and sometimes overwhelming—experience for those with autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent identities. The team shares personal anecdotes, coping strategies, and empowering reminders: manage your expectations, honor your limits, and remember—no is a complete sentence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Double-Edged Sword of Christmas (02:14–05:33)

• Expectation Overload:
  Ashley: “There’s so many expectations wrapped up in Christmas. Pardon the pun... so many expectations of perfection.” (04:29)
• Love/Hate Relationship with Christmas:
  Simon: “The day of Christmas... is wonderful, but the 24 days before, I could not care less.” (05:04) Jordan: Describes embracing the chaos lately, letting go of needing Christmas to be perfect as a parent.

2. Gift Anxiety & Social Pressure (05:33–16:27)

• Opening Gifts—The Autistic Way:
  Simon: “We have a very autistic routine of one person opens a present, we’ll go, ‘Oh.’ Then another person does...” (05:08)
  • Both Jordan and Simon highlight the pressure and awkwardness of faking reactions due to alexithymia (difficulty identifying/expressing emotions).
• Gift-Giving Dilemmas & Anxiety:
  Simon: “If I turn up and everyone’s got a gift for me and I haven’t got a gift, how am I going to be perceived? If I turn up with a gift and nobody else has got a gift, how am I gonna make them feel?” (13:03) Ashley: “That’s not what’s happening... at the gym everybody’s looking at themselves. Nobody cares about what you look like.” (13:52)
  • Advice: Most people are wrapped up in their own anxieties; genuine time and thoughtfulness mean more than the material gift.

3. Sensory Overload, Burnout & Social Etiquette (06:57–16:39)

• Shopping Stress:
  Simon: “It was like freaking Jumanji at work the other day... Why does Christmas bring this out in people?” (06:58)
  • Both agree that in-person shopping is exhausting, often triggering sensory overload and irritability. Jordan: “It’s not that they make me angry. They just make me really tired... I could fall asleep on the floor at any moment.” (07:43)
• Burnout by Christmas Day:
  Simon: “I genuinely get to Christmas Day and I am so burnt out by the 24 days that come previously I don’t enjoy it.” (09:15)

4. Shifting Mindsets & Reframing Expectations (19:48–25:23)

• Letting Go of Rigid Traditions:
  Jordan: “I started putting my decorations out in November because... it really helps my mental health.” (19:48)
• Rewriting Your Christmas Story:
  Ashley: “We have this ability... to really work on reframing and working on your mindset, you can get to a place where you actually enjoy [Christmas].” (23:20)
  • Exercise: Write out “Christmas makes me feel…” and be honest. Identify current narratives then choose to look for positive memories to help shift your story.
• Triggering Old Stories:
  Simon: “Christmas makes me feel unprepared, Ashley.” (25:02)
  • Discusses how past negative experiences can create an anticipatory dread, akin to “mini PTSD.”

Memorable Ritual

• Simon: “My mum gets me a Christmas vinyl and lets me open it on the 1st of December every year... Last night... I sat with my dog at my feet and listened to Elvis Christmas with a cup of tea and I loved it.” (27:23)

5. Coping Strategies for Sensory Overload & Burnout (28:14–33:22)

• Self-care Basics:
  Ashley: “With our beautiful neurodivergent brains and bodies, we need to make sure that we are trying to prevent overload, prevent meltdowns before they happen.” (29:29)
  • Weighted blankets, eye coverings, earplugs, and regular downtime help counter sensory extremes.
• Removing Yourself is Okay:
  Jordan: “If you really can’t do something, don’t make yourself feel bad... We are disabled... Sometimes those disabilities disable us...” (31:56) Ashley: “Treat yourself as if you were someone that you were taking care of.” (32:54)

6. Saying No & Preserving Your Peace (36:02–41:03)

• The Power of ‘No’:
  Ashley: “No is a complete sentence... That is a very general term... For the Christmas edition though, maybe offer: ‘I can’t, I’ve got a lot going on, but please invite me next time.’ If they’re true friends, they’ll understand.” (37:44–39:45)
• True Friendship Means Accommodation:
  Jordan: Offers a practical example of changing plans to suit a friend’s needs. “I chose something... that makes him comfortable and that we can do together... That’s how you know what a true friend is.” (40:25–41:03)

7. Navigating Family Gatherings & Difficult People (41:37–55:52)

• Declining Toxic Family Invitations:
  Jordan: “If I don’t get on with someone, then I’m not going to get out my way to hang out with them... Don’t be afraid to say what you think.” (42:01)
  • If you must attend, Ashley suggests the “double bind” technique: “Give people two options and both of those are things you want to do.” (43:31)
• Family Dynamics & Old Roles:
  Ashley: “When families get together, old identities and old roles get reignited... Try and look at your family as just a bunch of kids.” (50:10)
  • Quoting Ram Dass: “You think you’re enlightened? Go spend two weeks with your family.” (50:54)
• Masking, Authenticity & Meeting People Where They Are:
  Ashley: “Meeting people where they are... is a way where you can feel you can be your authentic self, but you don’t have to agree with everything... Just understand what they’re saying.” (54:26–55:52)
• Celebrating Differences:
  Jordan: “If you want to hang out with me and you know the energy I’m going to bring... then I’m not going to feel bad for being myself around you.” (45:50)

Memorable Quotes

• “So much of it is expectations. This is a word that’s really been cropping up... because there’s so many expectations wrapped up in Christmas.”
  —Ashley Bentley (04:29)

• “The greatest gift you can give anyone is your time, especially this time of year.”
  —Ashley Bentley (14:25)

• “No is a complete sentence.”
  —Ashley Bentley (37:44)

• “If you really can’t do something, don’t make yourself feel bad... Sometimes those disabilities disable us.”
  —Jordan James (31:56)

• “You think you’re enlightened? Go spend two weeks with your family.”
  —Ashley Bentley quoting Ram Dass (50:54)

Key Timestamps

• 02:14: The highs and lows of Christmas for neurodivergent folks
• 05:08: Autistic routines for opening gifts and the pressure of reactions
• 06:58: The chaos and overwhelm of holiday shopping
• 13:03: Social anxiety around holiday gift exchanges
• 19:48–25:23: Mindset shifts—reframing your holiday experience; practical exercises
• 28:14: Reducing sensory overload & practicing self-kindness
• 36:02: The importance of saying no, RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria), and social FOMO
• 41:37: Handling difficult family members; the “double bind” technique
• 50:10: How childhood roles resurface in family settings
• 54:26: Meeting people where they are & protecting your peace

Final Thoughts & Takeaways

The episode blends humor with real vulnerability, providing validation and practical tactics:

• Lower your expectations and set boundaries.
• Allow yourself to say no—and know it’s enough.
• Prepare for sensory overload and schedule downtime.
• Focus on the moments, not the perfection.
• Reframe your story about Christmas to include positive memories and new, self-designed rituals.
• Honor who you are and advocate for what you need, both with friends and family.

Jordan and Simon close by encouraging listeners to revisit last year’s Christmas episode for kid-specific advice, and to share their own experiences/tips in the comments. If the episode eased Simon’s Christmas anxiety even a little, they hope it can do the same for others.

For More:

• Instagram: @theneurodivergentexperiencepod
• Facebook: The Neurodivergent Experience
• YouTube: @TheNeurodivergentExperience

Merry Christmas & take care of yourself—because Neurodivergent Voices Deserve to Be Heard.