The Neurodivergent Experience
Episode: Asking for Accommodations as a Neurodivergent Adult
Date: March 19, 2026
Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Overview
This candid episode explores the practical and emotional realities of asking for accommodations as a neurodivergent adult, both in personal and professional environments. Through storytelling, mutual advice, and lived experience, Jordan and Simon break down the challenges inherent in advocating for invisible disabilities, managing social perceptions, and navigating legal protections. The episode is rich in humour, vulnerability, and practical wisdom for anyone struggling to get their needs met in a neurotypical world.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Emotional Labor of Seeking Accommodations
- Invisible Disabilities & Social Suspicion
- Neurodivergent adults often face skepticism when requesting accommodations because their disabilities aren’t visible. There's a recurring theme of having to "prove" one’s struggles.
- (03:59) Jordan: "We don’t look disabled...It’s a lot of it is about our invisible disabilities. Something that, you know, obviously gets continuously overlooked."
- Comparison to how society only recognizes disability when there’s a visible marker (e.g., a white cane for blindness).
- (10:25) Jordan: “As soon as you put a stick in that man's hand, suddenly there's that visualization of, oh, that's what blind people look like. It's like, well, no, that's what you think all blind people look like...”
- Both hosts acknowledge having experienced suspicion and subtle pushback when asserting their needs, especially early in their self-advocacy journeys.
2. Real-Life Experiences: Simon's Stag Do in Italy
- (05:24 – 17:56) Simon shares a recent, detailed account of traveling with a group of men for a stag do in Milan and Rome:
- Navigating social dynamics while needing accommodations (e.g., not taking turns standing on an overcrowded train due to pain from EDS).
- Facing mixed reactions—from understanding to subtle judgment ("mm," "oh, whatever, mate").
- Moments of emotional vulnerability—panic attacks, near-meltdown when unable to get a cab due to pain and risk missing a train.
- (14:05) Simon: “I rung him up nearly in tears, and I was like, I am. I'm not gonna make this train. I'm in too much pain, and I can't get a cab, and I'm panicking.”
- Power of empathy: A new friend in the group spontaneously supports and shields Simon from ridicule.
- (15:08) Simon: “He’s an absolute… such a catch. And when I got to the train station, I felt so embarrassed and a couple of people were ribbing me about it and he went, hey, guys, don't do that. He said he's had a. He's had a rough morning. Don't make it worse for him.”
- Simon and Jordan unpack the unspoken “blokey” culture that makes self-advocacy particularly challenging among men.
3. Social Masking & Coping with Group Dynamics
- The challenge of maintaining authenticity versus masking to fit in, especially when others minimize neurodivergent needs.
- Internalized Pressure: Feeling guilty for not participating fully, fear of social consequences for seeking solitude or extra support.
- (16:04) Simon: “I was told I was being the fun police because I wasn’t feeling regulated... their idea of me is still who I was when I was 20, not who I am when I was 31.”
4. Self-Advocacy in the Moment
- Both hosts discuss the difficulty of advocating for themselves when in a state of overwhelm or meltdown.
- (21:24) Jordan: “I don't have the energy…so normally I'm just like, it is what it is, deal with it. And it can come across as…aggressive.”
- The challenge of communicating needs before overwhelm sets in — a process that takes significant self-awareness and practice.
- Alexithymia & Perception: Struggling to explain one’s state or emotional needs under pressure.
- (23:37) Simon: “I wish I had the ability to just turn my overwhelm off to be able to communicate, because I know it doesn't...I look like I'm being a dick and being judgmental, when really I'm just overwhelmed.”
5. Workplace Accommodations: Legal Protections & Lived Reality
- Legal Framework in the UK
- Equality Act 2010:
- Mandates reasonable adjustments for those with disabilities, including neurodivergence.
- Covers employment, education, public services, etc.
- Accommodations must address substantial, long-term negative effects on daily life.
- (43:50) Jordan: “It also mandates reasonable adjustments, which is what we're talking about, to ensure accessibility, covering physical or mental impairment with substantial long term negative effects on daily life. That’s literally us.”
- Equality Act 2010:
- Experience of receiving effective accommodations (allowed to stim/toy at work, take breaks) versus seeing undiagnosed peers go without support because they lack “the piece of paper.”
- (37:10) Jordan: “I was massively taking part, I never once looked at the trainer except to ask him things...playing with a toy the whole time, nothing is said, nothing.”
- The injustice of selective accommodation only for those with formal diagnosis (“piece of paper”).
6. The Social Dimension at Work
- Guilt and discomfort when thriving on accommodations others may need but don’t receive.
- Responsibility of managers to observe, ask, and normalize accommodating needs (not just ticking legal boxes).
- (52:04) Jordan: “I think...it really is down to people who are in charge to recognize and ask. That's the thing that companies need to do—is they need to ask: ‘How can we accommodate?’”
7. The Sad Reality of Discrimination and Ableism
- Personal accounts of subtle and overt workplace discrimination; being passed over for promotions after disclosing diagnosis.
- Use of ableist slurs and bullying, with Jordan stepping in as a manager to ban derogatory language.
- (50:07) Jordan: “I’ve banned that word. I mean, people used to say that word at my work, and I banned it.”
- Importance of those in authority using their position to protect vulnerable colleagues.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On the difficulty of requesting help:
- Simon: “It does feel a little odd to meet other men and then just be like, oh, by the way, and ask for some supports and accommodations.” (05:24)
- On self-advocacy and exhaustion:
- Jordan: “It is so hard to do it in the moment. It's practically impossible.” (27:10)
- On self-aware empathy:
- Jordan: “But I have a neurodivergent lens and I see everything through a neurodivergent. So even if it’s a neurotypical, I’m wondering...is that because of something else? Maybe.” (33:13)
- On responsibility in power:
- Simon: “You really hope that the people that are in positions of power that can hold people accountable...step in for you and accommodate for you...” (51:04)
- On the burden of a formal diagnosis:
- Jordan: “It is sad that we have to have a piece of paper. Even sadder that the government are making it even harder for us to get that piece of paper. But you know, essentially we, we are disabled, you know...” (44:34)
- On self-accommodation and awareness:
- Jordan: “I think this is why realizing early when you...you're going to need adjustments in your environment to avoid being overwhelmed or just to be able to cope with the overwhelm—catching it in that stage before it gets too much. But that takes an extraordinary amount of self-awareness.” (24:05)
Important Timestamps
- 02:09–03:59: Episode intro, setting up the theme of accommodations
- 05:24–17:56: Simon’s stag do story—real-life group travel & advocacy challenges
- 21:02–24:05: Advocating in moments of overwhelm, self-awareness strategies
- 29:30–37:10: Workplace realities—receiving and observing accommodations, guilt, culture
- 43:50–51:04: In-depth discussion of legal rights, Equality Act, discrimination, and the obligation of employers
- 54:22–55:01: Personal strategies for effective advocacy (“I need a little bit of compassion, a little bit of patience. That’s all I ask for.” – Jordan)
- 55:01–end: Invitation for listener feedback, especially from US listeners, closing remarks
Listener Takeaway
For neurodivergent adults:
You are not alone in finding it difficult to consistently advocate for your needs. Even the most articulate and experienced self-advocates struggle—especially in the moment and in unfamiliar or high-pressure environments. Small acts of understanding, whether from a colleague, friend, or even yourself, can make all the difference. Legal protections exist, but lived reality often lags behind.
For allies and employers:
Don’t wait for someone to have a formal diagnosis or for a crisis to show compassion. Proactively seek to understand and accommodate invisible disabilities—ask, listen, and create cultures where nobody has to “prove” their right to thrive.
For feedback and more:
The hosts invite listener comments on differences between UK and US workplaces regarding accommodations and encourage ongoing dialogue via social media or episode discussion threads.
Next episode: Neurodiversity Week and related hot topics, as well as “Mindful Mondays with Ashley.”